Chapter Text
As was the routine, Kyle woke up and dressed, putting on a familiar green hat and orange jacket. He went downstairs, where his mother made some toast with some nasty substitute butter spread.
“Mom, why do we have toast with this gross fake butter?” Kyle asks his mother.
“Because boobie, I'm trying to eat healthier. I'm using I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter as a substitute,” his mother responded.
Kyle finishes his not-butter toast and heads to his boyfriend’s house. Stan is probably ready to go by now, and Kyle doesn’t want to keep his lover waiting. Kyle walks up the steps to the door of his boyfriend’s house and knocks on the door.
Before he can even get two knocks in, the door flies open, with the familiar face of that adorable, black-haired boy Kyle has seen his entire life.
“Hey, Kyle.”
“Ready, Stan?”
“Of course.”
The two head out towards the bus stop. Eric and Kenny are already in conversation by the time they get there.
“Finally, you two show up. What took so long? Are you two gay for each other or something?” Eric sneers.
All three boys shoot Eric a confused look.
“Uh… yeah?” Stan replies, puzzled.
Eric’s face morphs into a quick look of confusion before returning to a fit of more familiar anger.
“Okay, Stan, stop pulling my chain. Nobody thinks you two are actually gay for each other,” Eric says with boisterous confidence.
Again, the boys all share puzzled looks.
“Fatass, seriously? How do you not know? Stan and I have been dating for weeks now!” Kyle exclaims angrily.
“Oh no, Kyle, you think I’m stupid, but your tricks don’t work on me. If you think I will take what you say at face value, you’re mistaken.”
“I’m not with Stan to fuck with you, fatass! I’m with him because I love him!”
“Oh sure, Kyle. And I suppose that gingers have souls, too?”
Kyle gives an enraged grunt and shouts at the top of his lungs, “CARTMAN, YOU FUCKING FATASS! I AM NOT FUCKING WITH YOU!”
Eric flashes Kyle a shocked look before quickly changing his stance to an accusatory one.
“Okay, Kyle. How have I heard nothing about this at school?”
“How should I know? Everyone at school has been talking about how Stan and I are gay!”
“People call you gay all the time, Kyle. It’s because you suck.”
“Fatass, people aren’t insulting me when calling me gay. They’re calling me gay because I AM gay!”
“Yeah, you are gay.”
Kyle is speechless. He is genuinely confused by Eric’s words. Then, suddenly, he realizes the problem. Eric literally doesn’t understand that people can be gay. He thinks it’s just an insult.
Just then, the bus pulls up.
“Well, Kyle, I’ll be sitting at the back of the bus, away from you and Stan. I don’t want to catch your ‘gay.’”