Work Text:
This had to be one of the worst parts of working at the library. This and noisy, obnoxious people Heeseung had to threaten to take him seriously. No, people falling asleep in the library and forcing him to wake them up has to be an extremely close second.
The public library closes at ten most nights, but weekends like this one had the library open for an extra hour and a half that Heeseung desperately wished he was at home for. You would think other people that were free to leave whenever they wanted to would rather fall asleep in their beds instead of on the hardwood of the second floor work tables, but alas. Heeseung will never understand the appeal.
Instead, Heeseung sighs heavily and shifts the books he was about to reshelf over to his left arm, reaching down towards the sleeping man before him. With a couple of gentle shakes of his shoulder, the man groans deeply and slowly picks his head up from where it was tucked into his arms on the table.
“I’m sorry, sir, but the library closed a bit ago,” Heeseung politely says after taking a step back and the man peers up at him groggily.
“Hm?” the man asks, rubbing at one of his eyes while his other arm stretches over his head. Heeseung fights back the urge to roll his eyes and plasters a fake but polite smile on his face instead.
“I said that the library closed a bit ago. You’re the only other person here, and I was hoping to lock up soon,” Heeseung tries again, and the man seems to understand him this time, thankfully. Heeseung doesn’t know if he would’ve been able to explain again without snapping. It had been a long day.
“Oh, uh, sure,” the man says before turning back towards the table and collecting his scattered supplies, putting them into the backpack he had resting by his feet. Heeseung smiled at him and turned to return to his task of reshelving books returned earlier in his shift before the man’s voice cut him off.
“Um… excuse me?” he asks, and Heeseung turns back around. What could he possibly need now? Just let Heeseung leave, he wants to go to bed.
“Yes? Is there something you needed?” The man sheepishly raises one of his hands to rub at the back of his neck, nodding slightly.
“I was hoping to check out this book earlier, but I fell asleep. Could I check it out now? Or could you hold on to it at the desk so I could come back and check it out tomorrow?”
Heeseung sighs under his breath and takes a step towards the man. “I can hold on to it for you. If you want to go downstairs to the desk and wait while I put these books away, I’ll be able to make sure it gets taken care of.”
The man nods and Heeseung turns once more, successfully getting away from him and the situation at hand, if only for a little bit. And a little bit it is, when Heeseung walks down the stairs towards the front desk after a mere five minutes. Damn, if only he’d had more books with him.
The man is standing beside the library desk, looking down at his phone. Heeseung walks over, slipping behind the counter and waits for the man to set down his phone and slide the book towards him. Once he’s done that, Heeseung reaches for a pen and sticky note, pressing the yellow paper to the cover of the book.
“What name should I put?” Heeseung asks, looking up to meet the man’s gaze.
“Uh, Jake,” he quickly replies. Heeseung writes the name down quickly.
Heeseung nods and sets the book off to the side for whoever was working when the man, Jake, came to pick it up tomorrow before looking back at him. “I think you’re all set now. Whenever you come back for it, just tell the librarian your name and they’ll be able to check it out for you.”
“Thank you.” Heeseung smiles at him, and the other man backs away with a small wave before disappearing through the front doors. Heeseung immediately goes over and locks the doors behind him.
//
“Are you… kidding me?” Heeseung asks out loud in disbelief. It’s the very next night and Heeseung refuses to believe what he’s stumbled upon once more. Or rather, who he’s stumbled upon. That’s right, Mr. Sleep-for-brains is back at the same table as before.
Heeseung doesn’t hold back the annoyed groan and eye roll as he walks over and shakes the man’s shoulder as he had the previous day, and the man picks his head up the same way. The only difference was the way a hand came and ran through his black hair instead of rubbing at his eyes.
Heeseung plastered a soft smile on his lips. “Hello again, sir. You seem to have fallen asleep while working again.”
The man—who Heeseung remembers called himself ‘Jake’ yesterday—sends him a sheepish look before focusing his gaze on the open book he was lying atop. It looks as if he came in before Heeseung and was able to check it out successfully.
“I’m so sorry, I totally didn’t mean to do that twice. Reading just makes me tired, I guess,” he sheepishly says and Heeseung stuffs down the urge to snap at him and tell him to read at his house and fall asleep there instead of the public library. It definitely wouldn’t get him brownie points with the library supervisor if he were to complain about harsh treatment.
“It’s alright, just try not to let it happen in the future,” Heeseung replies gently. Anyone that’s ever worked in customer service would be able to see through his smile and tone in a heartbeat—this Jake guy seemed to do the opposite. Or maybe he just had no consideration for Heeseung’s struggle.
Jake smiles widely and stands up, book in hand. “I’ll do my best.”
//
His best was not very good. It was horrible, in fact. Heeseung would’ve given it an ‘F’ in the grade book if he was a teacher instead of a librarian. Thank god he wasn’t though, he couldn’t handle having to deal with more people like Jake.
While Jake had told Heeseung on Sunday that he would ‘do his best’ to not fall asleep, the man fell asleep three separate times during the week. Heeseung was nearly at his wits’ end with him and was slowly letting some of his annoyance show whenever he was forced to interact with the man. This time, however, the man was awake when they met.
“Hey, Heeseung,” Jake greets, as he stops by the front desk with a smile. Heeseung doesn’t return the gesture, instead just sighing slightly as he turns towards the man.
“Yes? Can I help you with something?” he asks. Jake nods immediately.
“Yeah, I can’t reach the book I wanted to check out and was hoping you could get it down for me?” It was more of a question than a demand, as if he was asking if Heeseung was willing to help him. Which he wasn’t, truthfully, but that’s the thing with jobs—you suffer through it sometimes.
Heeseung sighs again before responding. “Sure, lead the way.”
Jake just grins again and turns, walking away from the desk and towards the stairs to the second floor. Heeseung followed and was taken, somewhat surprisingly, into the sci-fi section where Jake points to a book on the top shelf and Heeseung reaches up to get it down for him. That brings Heeseung to notice the height difference between them—Heeseung stands probably five or ten centimeters taller than Jake.
Heeseung hadn’t really paid any attention to Jake’s looks before, but he somewhat felt like he had been missing out. He almost felt guilty for focusing solely on getting away from the man, but then again, he did have a nasty habit of falling asleep when the library closed.
As Heeseung hands Jake the book, he takes in his messy black hair that’s swept over to one side as if he had run a hand through it and how he has a gray turtleneck sweater on under his black jacket that seems to be coming untucked from his ripped jeans. Heeseung also notices how the delicate eyeshadow around his eyes seems slightly smudged as though he had rubbed his eyes at some point. And when Jake turns his head slightly, he glimpses a small silver chain around his neck. How long has he been wearing that chain? How come Heeseung hadn’t paid attention to his makeup before?
“Thanks. It was just out of my reach. It’s good to have someone working that can reach the top shelf—the boy earlier told me to wait until you showed up. Well, he offered to find a stool somewhere, but I told him I could just ask you instead,” Jake says and brings Heeseung’s attention back out of his head.
Heeseung nods in return. “I assume you’re talking about Sunoo. He usually leaves me books he wasn’t able to put away on a cart.”
Jake chuckles lightly at that and Heeseung watches as his smile splits his face and shoulders shake slightly. Heeseung also notices how his eyes light up at the act, like Heeseung had told him a wonderful joke instead of a simple response. Heeseung finds he enjoys the man’s smile.
//
“Jake, wake up,” Heeseung demands, giving his shoulder a firm shake before stepping back as the man groans. He slowly lifts his head and stretches out, looking almost like a puppy.
“Aw, man, I was having the best dream,” he quietly grumbles, rubbing at his face. Heeseung rolls his eyes. So much for actually being awake when they interact.
“I have little remorse for people who fall asleep in the library six times in a week,” he simply bites back. Jake frowns slightly at him and Heeseung feels he might have been a bit harsh—but it’s the truth, and Jake had told him he’d try not to let it happen again. But here they were anyway.
“Six? But I didn’t even come to the library on Tuesday or Wednesday,” Jake replies.
“You fell asleep last Saturday and then again today, which also happens to be a Saturday. That makes eight days, and of the six that you came, you fell asleep each time. The math checks out, even though your promise remains broken.”
Jake blinks at him. “Checks out? Was that a library pun?”
This time it’s Heeseung’s turn to blink as the words sink in. Did… did Jake just take his annoyance and twist it into a joke? And not just any joke, but a library joke. Heeseung found himself holding back a smile. When he spotted Jake’s pleased expression, however, it became much easier to hide the way his lips threatened to pull upward.
“No, it was a showcase of your inability to do math or keep your word.” Jake pretends to look pained at Heeseung’s words.
“Okay, okay, I get it, you don’t like me.” Jake holds up his hands in surrender and Heeseung rolls his eyes.
“I’m not allowed to insult visitors. But they tell us they’re always right.”
Jake sputters at him, jaw dropping open in disbelief. Heeseung does his best to swallow down his laugh at the act. Jake huffs and seems to pout, turning away from Heeseung and shoving his things into his bag before standing.
“Guess I’d better leave then, I’m clearly not wanted here,” Jake declares and Heeseung can’t help the laughter that finally bubbles out of him, tumbling down around him in loud chuckles. Heeseung raises a hand to his mouth to try and muffle himself, but he can’t stop the flood now it’s started.
Heeseung follows as Jake tries to leave, the man becoming less and less able to hide his own amusement, and he chuckles as he pushes on the door to the library, turning back to Heeseung with a lazy smile.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jake says before disappearing through the doors. Heeseung almost looks forward to it. Almost.
When did that start?
//
When tomorrow rolls around, Heeseung is once again surprised to see Jake approach him first.
He’d been busy reshelving books on the main floor of the library when he noticed someone approach his cart out of the corner of his eye. Turning to see who it was or what they might need from him, he’s met with a bright smile upon Jake’s face.
“Can I help you?” He asks when Jake says nothing.
“I was hoping to ask you a question,” he finally says and Heeseung suppresses an eye roll. Can’t he just get to the point already?
“And what would that be?”
“How often do you work?” The question takes him by surprise.
Blinking at Jake for a moment, he slowly opens his mouth to respond. “Uh, I work almost every day from four until closing. Why?”
“Well, you’re always here when I come to study, so I thought I’d ask. What about during the day?” Jake asks and Heeseung quickly grabs a book from the cart to put away. He still has a job to do.
“I go to school. I don’t know if you could tell, but I’m a college student.”
“Really? Me too! But wait, how do you go to school and find the time to work here?”
“It’s only a part-time job,” Heeseung replies, reaching up to return the next book in his pile. He turns back towards the cart and Jake, moving to grab the next one and catching a glimpse of Jake’s wide smile.
“Am I your favorite part-time visitor?” he asks proudly, and Heeseung gently scoffs, turning away again.
“You’re more of a part-time annoyance. I mean, you can’t expect me to enjoy waking you up every time you come—I still don’t know how you manage to fall asleep on those tables for hours until closing. There’s absolutely no way it can be comfortable.”
Jake makes a shocked noise beside him and Heeseung turns his head to see the way Jake looks like he was just slapped, a hand pressed to his chest and an almost offended expression residing on his face. Heeseung rolls his eyes at the man but a small smile cracks over his lips.
“You’re joking, right? You have to be kidding!” Jake exclaims and Heeseung turns to face him, crossing his arms over his chest with a frown.
“First of all, don’t raise your voice; we’re in a library and I’ve told you the rules a million times over. And second of all, why would I joke about that? Of course I’m being serious, I hardly try to hide the fact that waking you up annoys me. Unlike you, I like going home and crashing in my bed whenever I get the chance, and having to deal with you every night cuts into the time I could be doing just that.”
Jake takes a step backwards, looking even more bewildered than before. “Well, if I didn’t fall asleep how would we ever get to hang out without anyone else coming and asking for books or to check something out? I thought that you liked talking to me after hours!”
Heeseung rolls his eyes and moves to pick up the last book for this aisle. “And I do, but it also annoys me to no end that that’s how it happens. You could just wait like a normal person and help me with closing if you really wanted to make my life easier.”
“Is that what you’d rather me do?” Heeseung pauses for a moment, thinking. Once he’s decided on an answer, he resumes putting the book away and hums lightly.
“Yeah, I think that would be better. Then I wouldn’t have to do everything myself and grumble the whole time through our conversations.” Heeseung moves back towards the cart and stops in front of it, looking straight at Jake. There’s a pause before Jake returns to his regular self again.
“Alright, yeah, okay, we’ll do that then. Hopefully then you’ll finally admit that I’m your favorite visitor afterwards.” Heeseung scoffs and begins pushing the cart out of the aisle, moving onto the next section.
“Whatever you say, Jake.”
//
Against his better judgment, Heesung found himself enjoying the time spent after hours with Jake. What had started as nothing more than a bothersome dynamic was quickly turning into a genuinely fun experience. Jake was funny and nice to be around, which allowed Heeseung to slowly warm up to the man the longer they talked.
Even now, as Heeseung leans against the front counter of the library listening to Jake’s loud retelling of a childhood story, he can’t help the smile on his face or the way he doesn’t want to look away.
“Okay, okay, I feel like I’ve talked about myself for long enough. I want to know more about you, too,” Jake finally concludes with a bright smile aimed straight for him. Heeseung blinks for a few moments.
“What do you want to know?” He asks dumbly.
“Well, you said a few days ago that you attend college, right?” Jake pauses momentarily and Heeseung nods before he continues on, “So that must mean you have a major. Tell me about it. And where you go, if you don’t mind.”
“Hmm, well, I study literature. I’ve only got two more semesters until I graduate with my degree. I attend HYBE University-”
Jake cuts him off quickly. “No way! That’s where I go! I study sports medicine!”
“Really? Sports medicine?”
“I told you how I used to play soccer in Australia, right? I wanted to be on the national team when I was younger, but my parents convinced me that being a coach or trainer was better. Over time I decided medicine was best for me,” he explains. Heeseung listens intently with a small smile.
“That makes sense. I’ve just always loved reading. It only seemed natural to study literature,” Heeseung says and Jake beams.
“Do you live on-campus? Maybe we’ll see each other there!”
“No, I have my own apartment. I spend most of my time either there or here, and only go to campus for classes. I find it easier when I don’t have to navigate the bustling grounds trying to find a quiet study area, so I just study at home. What about you?”
“Yeah, I live in the dorms. It’s still better financially for me to be on-campus. Besides, my roommate is super cool, so I don’t mind at all.”
“Ah, I see.”
A silence stretches comfortably between them and Jake looks down at the smartwatch on his wrist. Immediately he’s standing up straight and looking at Heeseung with wide eyes. “It’s almost midnight! Holy shit, I gotta go. I’ve got an 8am tomorrow.”
Heeseung laughs lightly and waves him off, watching with glee as he quickly dashes out the front doors and into the night. He shakes his head lightly before turning and gathering his own belongings.
//
It’s been nine weeks since Jake started showing up at the library. Nine weeks since he started growing into Heeseung’s daily routine. Nine weeks since he was able to close by himself. The company has become comfortable.
Jake fills the silence that would’ve enveloped the library. Typically, it’s by telling stories or jokes while they organize the bookshelves and do some light cleaning. Tonight, it’s with music.
Jake’s laughter echoes around the open library, bouncing off the shelves and circling Heeseung. He watches the way Jake dances without a care to the lighthearted tune pouring from his speaker set on the library desk. There’s a warm swirl of something fond in his chest and Heeseung can’t help the way he stops and leans on his broom, beaming at the other man.
He’s quickly caught, however, by the man turning and catching his gaze, his own smile seeming to grow even wider. It’s so bright Heeseung feels he may go blind at the sight.
“Heeseung!” Jake calls, waving to him, “Come join me!”
Heeseung blinks before shaking his head softly. “I’m not much of a dancer, you just keep going.”
Jake doesn’t let him refuse. Instead he goes over to Heeseung and takes the broom from his hands, propping it up against a nearby table before returning and grabbing Heeseung’s hands to pull him along. Heeseung lets himself be dragged behind, the warmth in his chest only amplified by the way Jake’s hands seem to fit perfectly into his own. He can feel his face warm at the idea but quickly forgets about it all when Jake drops his hands to instead turn up the music and resume his dancing.
Jake is clearly no dancer, with the way his arms wave around and his feet bounce, but Heeseung can’t help and let out a loud laugh as he joins in. And he can’t exactly dance either, but hey, nobody else is around them. Nobody else to pry at them. Nobody else to judge them. Just the two of them alone in the library, away from the rest of the world. His favorite place to visit with the person who is becoming his favorite to be around.
He allows himself to be caught up in the moment. Laughter bubbles up and out of him, falling gracefully to the floor. Jake becomes swept up in it, too, and soon they’re both stuttering through dance moves as peels of laughter fill the library. Everything is absolutely right.
//
When Heeseung shows up for his shift, he’s surprised when his manager immediately calls him into the office. Nervous but confused, he follows after.
“Are you aware of why I’ve called you here?” His manager asks after he’s taken a seat across from their desk and he shakes his head lightly.
“No, I am not. Did I do something wrong?” He asks warily, and his manager settles a frown upon him as they turn their computer monitor towards Heeseung.
Heeseung immediately hones in on the security footage from the night prior. His manager continues to frown as they open their mouth. “I happened to check the security footage this morning because I misplaced an item of mine, but was surprised to say the least at what I found. At first I didn’t believe that you would allow a library visitor to accompany you after hours, but I kept finding footage dating back several weeks of this happening.”
Heeseung’s stomach drops down to the floor and he holds his breath. Judging by the expression on his manager’s face, this was not a good discovery. He opened his mouth to reply, but his manager held up their hand to silence him.
“Are you aware that something like this is a violation of our policy?” They simply ask and Heeseung swallows thickly before nodding.
“I am.”
“I see. And yet you still allowed it to go on. Since you are a highly qualified and hardworking employee, this is highly disappointing. I’ll, unfortunately, have to issue a written warning about this and, if it were to happen again in the future, you’ll be terminated completely. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I understand.”
“Good. You’re excused. I’m having Sunoo cover today’s shift for you. This should allow you time to truly consider your actions.”
Heeseung stares wide-eyed at his manager for a few moments before they’re sweeping a hand out towards the door and he takes his queue to stand up and leave the office. Shuffling out the door and out of the library, one thing plays on repeat in his mind: how are you going to get yourself out of this one, Heeseung?
//
Heeseung almost flinches when he sees Jake next. The other has made his way up to him with a bright smile and stops beside where Heeseung is, once again, organizing and reshelving books.
“Hey, I didn’t see you yesterday. I missed you,” Jake starts happily and Heeseung fights the guilt washing over him at the words. He knows it’s a losing battle.
“Uh, yeah. I just- I didn’t feel very well. And, um, I’ve been falling behind in classes a bit, so I was catching up on work,” he stutters out lamely. He avoids Jake’s gaze as he busies himself with more books. The lies make his stomach churn.
“Ah, I see. Well, maybe we can meet up sometime and study together. I’d love to see you outside of work, too,” Jake tries and Heeseung quickly shakes his head, gaze still trained at the shelf before him.
“I don’t study with other people. I always find myself getting distracted and never get any real work done. Sorry,” he replies shortly. It’s only a white lie this time—Heeseung doesn’t study with others, but that doesn’t negate the fact that he’d love nothing more than to take Jake up on his offer anyway.
“Oh, well- that’s okay. It was just an offer anyway. No big deal.” Heeseung can tell Jake is struggling to keep up with Heeseung’s new attitude. He despises it.
“And I’m going to be leaving right away tonight after my shift. I have a big exam tomorrow that I need to make sure I’m prepared for. That includes getting enough sleep.”
Jake takes a few moments to respond and Heeseung risks a glance at him. He immediately regrets it when he sees how dejected Jake seems. It makes him want to take it all back and spill his guts and the truth out all over the floor. Jake opens his mouth before Heeseung can open his own.
“That’s cool. I hope it goes well for you then.” He doesn’t wait before turning and walking away. Heeseung grips tightly onto the book in his hands and feels his heart sink with each step Jake took.
Maybe this plan he’d come up with would hurt more than he’d thought.
//
The plan had been to keep Jake at arms length. Yet here Heeseung was, allowing the man to slip completely through his fingers. No matter how hard he tried to cling and grasp at the traces of what had been, it seemed there was nothing he could do to salvage what they had and still keep his job. It tormented him everyday.
Jake had tried twice more to talk to Heeseung during his shifts, but he’d been brushed off with cheap excuses and painful lies. He soon stopped approaching Heeseung at all and when Heeseung attempted to send him a smile and wave, it was met half-heartedly and clearly forced.
What had broken Heeseung down the most was when Jake stopped visiting the library. At first it would be one or two days out of the week. Now, he hadn’t shown up in six days. Heeseung knows because every time he paces around the library attending to other visitors and fulfilling his responsibilities, Jake is nowhere to be seen. He can’t help the sorrow of knowing it was his own doing.
Heeseung is quickly snapped out of his head, however, with a loud arrival.
A loud boom resounds throughout the library as the doors slam open, crashing harshly against the wall. A man comes marching over to the front desk, fuming. Heeseung gulps and tries not to cower as the man stares straight through him, fury rolling off of him in waves.
“Excuse me, sir, but can I help you?” Heeseung squeaks out as the man comes to a stop before the desk. He’s glad the man can’t see the way his hands shake or knees tremble behind the counter.
“Are you Lee Heeseung?” he demands and Heeseung swears there’s poison in the words. He nods quickly. The man’s glare gets sharper and Heeseung fights the urge to yelp and hide under the counter.
“What the fuck did you do to Jake?” the man growls and Heeseung flinches.
“I- I didn’t do anything, I swear. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he manages, holding his hands up in surrender. The man snarls out a reply.
“That’s fucking bullshit, and you know it. Do you have any idea how badly you hurt him?”
Heeseung desperately sends a glance towards other visitors and swallows before looking back at the man. “Can we- uh, can we take this somewhere more private?”
The man huffs at him and Heeseung takes that as confirmation to lead him away from the counter and countless prying eyes. Heeseung silently walks on legs of flimsy jello towards the library manager’s office and opens the door for the man. He quickly enters after and goes to shut all the blinds inside the office so no one else can watch the scene unfold. A fact Heeseung may be happy or regretful for, depending on how this goes.
Slowly, Heeseung turns to face the man head on once more. The man’s anger seems to have stayed the same, voice going from loud to threatening with the way he now speaks. “Do you know what Jake has been like for the past three weeks?”
“No, I don’t,” Heeseung replies in a small tone, wringing his hands together tightly.
“Of course you fucking don’t, because you haven’t been around. But I have because I’m a good fucking friend,” the man fumes and Heeseung snaps his gaze up to meet the man’s, now fueled by the assumption that he had done all of this simply because he was a bad friend. Heeseung could’ve lost his job because he let Jake stay after hours with him. How does that make him a bad friend?
“I was a good friend,” he declares and hopes his tone is as clear as he wants it to be. He can’t deny how terrified of the man he still is, but he hates having his decisions and emotions questioned by those who don’t know his situation.
“Yeah, the keyword being ‘was.’ But look how far that got you. Jake was doing better than I’ve ever seen him, but all of a sudden he crashed back down to earth. I can hardly get him to leave the fucking dorm for food or classes.”
“I didn’t want to push him away!” Heeseung snaps. He hates how the man is pinning everything against him. He acts as though Heeseung hasn’t suffered without Jake’s constant presence and overwhelming annoyance—and light, Jake was so bright and warm, it nearly melted Heeseung when he got too close.
The man, however, knows nothing about that and snaps back at him, just as harshly. “If you didn’t want to push him away, then explain to me the reason you had to rip the highlight of Jake’s nights away from him! Do you even have any idea how much talking to you meant to him? How much he talked about all the time he spent here, with you?”
“Of course I don’t know! I don’t even know who you are!” The man takes a step towards Heeseung and Heeseung, in turn, takes a step back and runs into the desk, gripping at the edge with his hands as the man stares down at him.
“I’m his best fucking friend, Jay. And unlike you, asshole, I know how to stick around.”
“I already said I didn’t want to stop seeing Jake! It was out of my control, there was nothing I could have done!”
“You still haven’t told me what was out of your control.”
“If Jake and I kept talking and hanging out after hours, I would’ve lost my job. If I had kept seeing him, I would’ve been tempted to stay three hours after my shift ended and the library closed, and I would’ve lost my job and had no other way to see him. So I decided to keep my job and lose Jake instead of losing both.” Heeseung glares at the man and the burning fury that was once there is suddenly gone, hidden behind a mask of simple displeasure. The way he seemed to switch in an instant made Heeseung’s insides churn and the telltale feeling of ‘the calm before the storm’ hit him full force.
“You wouldn’t have had any other way to see him?” The man, Jay, echoes back at him and Heeseung swallows.
“No, I wouldn’t have,” he repeats. A beat of silence passes through the room.
Then, Jay breaks the silence. “Of fucking course not. Dumbasses, the both of you. Making me do all the fucking work for you.”
With that final statement, Jay turns towards the door and storms out the same way he’d burst into the library. Heeseung just stumbles to the door and watches him leave before sending a quick glance around and seeing a few visitors looking back at him confusedly. Heeseung quickly straightens up and runs a hand through his hair, pretending as if nothing had taken place at all and quietly getting back to the front counter where four people had gathered in a small line.
He stuffs down the thoughts that begin plaguing his mind about what the man—Jay—had implied. He needs to focus. He fails miserably.
//
Heeseung comes down the stairs and towards the counter, about to grab his things and leave when there’s a knock on the locked library doors. Fear immediately shoots through Heeseung, a million scenarios rushing through his head at what could happen. He’s read way too many books and seen way too many movies where bad things happen late at night and all alone. Heeseung’s eyes can’t quite make out who the figure is, standing in the small area between the two sets of doors to the library. His heart thunders in his chest.
Heeseung doesn’t take his eyes off the figure as he takes a step forward, trembling worse than he had earlier when Jay had been yelling at him. The figure shifts slightly and seems to pull something out of their pocket, the light of a phone illuminating their face and that’s when recognition shoots through Heeseung. The figure is Jake. He came back to see him after the library had closed.
Heeseung nearly trips over himself as he scrambles towards the door to unlock it and let the man in—he ignores the nagging in the back of his mind that tries to remind him of his manager’s warning. Only after they’re both standing, facing each other, does Heeseung realize that he doesn’t know what to say to him. Even when he opens his mouth to greet the man, the words die in his throat and he closes his mouth again.
Jake isn’t really looking at him, isn’t lifting his head to meet Heeseung’s gaze, and is instead seeming to observe the floor he’s standing on. An ache shoots through Heeseung’s chest and the guilt he tried to bury resurfaces in an instant. So much has already gone down today with Jay’s sudden appearance and explosion before he left once again, and now Jake is back, standing before him. It almost throws Heeseung for a loop.
Jake is the one to break the silence with a low, hesitant whisper. “Why… Why did you cut me off?”
The words are straight to the point and cut clean through Heeseung, leaving a gash that bleeds crimson guilt. Jake raises his head and finally meets his eyes and Heeseung resists the urge to take a step back and cower away from the man. He hates the pitiful look in Jake’s eyes.
“I- I never meant to-” Heeseung starts and Jake’s eyes fall again causing him to choke on the excuse.
“If you didn’t want to… if you wanted me to stop talking to you, you could’ve just told me,” Jake says with another soft tone. Heeseung wants to cry at the words and the sadness they’re soaked in. God, he’d messed up badly, hadn’t he?
“I never wanted to stop talking to you. I wanted so badly to see you and talk with you every day. That was the problem,” Heeseung confesses and Jake holds his gaze for a second longer before it drops to where Heeseung is fiddling with his hands nervously.
“Why was it a problem?”
Heeseung sucks in a breath and decides to pour everything out. He’s bottled everything up for so long, he needs to let go of it all while he still has the chance. While Jake is still around.
“There are security cameras all around the library. They monitor the exits and all of the common spaces, a few placed to look down certain aisles. When we danced, they caught us. And when the tapes were played back by my manager, I was given a warning that, if I were to allow any visitor to stay after hours again, I would immediately be terminated.” As Heeseung explained, Jake slowly allowed himself to look up and meet his eyes. He seemed to search for any dishonesty, but Heeseung was tired of hiding and ignoring and lying. He just wanted to be genuine.
Jake waited a moment after Heeseung finished before opening his own mouth to respond. “So you… you cut me off because you got in trouble?”
Heeseung immediately nodded. “And I knew—trust me, I knew—that if I kept seeing you that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from letting you stay after hours, so I decided to force myself to push you away to keep my job. And I’ve felt so horrible, Jake, it’s been absolutely awful. But I didn’t want to lose both. I couldn’t lose both.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me? I don’t understand what made you decide to push me away,” Jake says and Heeseung falters.
“I- honestly, I don’t know. There’s no reason I can give you that will justify my actions. I was just so afraid that I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I knew was that if I held you at arms length then I might still be able to see you and keep my job. But it just made everything fall apart.”
“And what about now? Aren’t you still just risking your job talking to me right now?”
“Yes. But I’m so tired of being miserable and I need you to know that this is all my fault and I truly never meant for you to feel hurt. Please let me make it up to you.”
Jake is searching his eyes once more, and Heeseung is compelled to step forward and take one of Jake’s hands into his own. A line of reassurance, a promise that he’s being truthful, a wish that he believes him. Heeseung waits for Jake to make up his mind.
“How?” He finally asks quietly. Heeseung can’t help the burst of hope that shoots through him.
“Let me give you my number. That way we don’t have to rely on you coming during my shifts just to see each other. And I promise to be upfront with you about any issues so this never happens again,” Heeseung says and the smallest hint of a smile tugs at Jake’s lips.
“You want to see me outside of the library?” He asks and Heeseung chuckles lightly at the tone his voice takes on. It sounds just as hopeful as his own.
“Of course. I’ve been going crazy here without my favorite part-time annoyance,” Heeseung jokes and Jake lights up. The laughter that Heeseung had craved to hear so desperately now floods out around him and makes his cheeks hurt from how hard he’s smiling.
“You’re the worst, you know that?” Jake jokes and Heeseung’s chest tightens at the mirth in his eyes.
“I do. Now come on, let’s get out of here before I really do get fired,” Heeseung jokes back and Jake laughs again with a shake of his head.
Pushing through the front doors, they make their way out into the night. Twin smiles don’t leave until well after they’ve parted ways.