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Hitoshi had never been the best at relationships, or people in general. He was well aware of it but he wasn't dumb enough to not realize when things were going badly.
It was exactly because of that, that he laid there, alone and tired, in a hotel room on the other side of the world. He had accepted the job offer in hopes of getting some time away from his husband.
After being away for 2 weeks, he is now realizing that it had been a mistake and can only long to go back home. He shouldn't have left in the first place.
He missed Denki. He missed his voice, his smile, his laugh, and he missed those beautiful golden eyes. He missed falling asleep to Denki's endless chatter, all while he gently stroked his hair. He missed the warmth of Denki's body against his as they cuddled. He missed waking up to Denki's humming or his sleeping face by his side.
But really… the one thing he missed the most was Denki's laugh, accompanied with that gorgeous smile of his. It was a smile that could challenge the sun itself, but Denki was Hitoshi's sun. Or at least he was for a very long time.
He knows that even if he had stayed he wouldn't have gotten that smile, or the cuddles, or humming, or anything for that matter.
When was the last time he heard Denki laugh?
He doesn't know, he doesn't remember, because for the last few months their relationship has been nothing but monotone. No laughs, no dates, no cuddles and it was all his fault.
When did things start turning sour?
When did Hitoshi stop loving Denki?
No, it is not that he stopped loving him. He loves him, but the little things he used to enjoy began annoying him. He stopped treating Denki like the loving partner he deserves, and he doesn't know what happened.
All he knows is that he needs to fix it before it is too late.
Hitoshi contemplates the situation, it's not like he can do much. He realizes that after some time, he began despising all those things he is missing right now. He started to hate hearing Denki speak at night or hum in the morning, asking him to stop so he could sleep. He started to get annoyed by Denki's constant clinginess, not realizing that, in reality, he barely even asked for any contact.
He saw as Denki's eyes slowly filled with sadness every time they would see each other. He remembers the first time he heard Denki cry himself to sleep at night, he simply laid there without doing anything. The way Denki started to speak less and less in attempts to stop Hitoshi from getting annoyed at him.
He knew it was his fault, he knew he was the one causing that pain, but he didn't know what to do. It was like a switch flipped inside of him and everything he used to love turned sour in his eyes.
He just wanted to stay away from the house as much as possible, so he started working more. Three weeks ago, he received an opportunity to go to the US on a important business trip. It was a one month trip which he accepted immediately.
He remembers the way Denki's face darkened when he told him. The way he looked down, refusing to make eye contact, while giving him a wobbly smile and telling him that he understood.
Everything was fine at first, he had no issues settling into the hotel room and work kept him busy. Denki would text him good morning and good night, but due to the time difference, it was difficult to call. Hitoshi didn't really mind that much.
As the days went on, he noticed himself looking or calling for Denki when he wasn't there. Denki's absence began affecting him, and he began noticing how much he missed him.
And now, he laid awake. It had been 10pm when he started spiraling in guilt and regret, it was now 2am and he had finally reached his conclusion;
He was a complete idiot.
He was a failure of a partner and a disgrace to the human kind.
After 10 years of being together, Hitoshi forgot everything about Denki that he had fallen in love with to begin with. He forgot about the little things he adored about him.
The worst part is that it took him deliberately getting away from his partner to remember how much he actually adored his husband.
He was shocked that Denki hadn't dumped him already, but he knew Denki loved him. Unlike his stupid ass, Denki never forgot about the little things. While Hitoshi's love declined, Denki's increased because Denki hadn't forgotten. Denki never gave up on him, even after all the let downs.
He had to do something. He had to do something or it would be too late.The longer he waited, the more time he was wasting.
Hitoshi got up and searched for his phone. Right now, with the time difference, Denki should be getting home from work. He had to call him. He knew that a call wouldn't fix the many months of uneasiness, hurt, and disappointment but he had to start somewhere. He had to show Denki that he hasn't forgotten either.
Once he found his phone, he pressed the call button. The phone rang a few times.
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"Toshi? What happened? Is everything alright?"
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"Hey Denki… are you busy?"
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" No, I'm not. I'm at home. Toshi, what's wrong? Isn't it like 3 in the morning over there? Did something happen?"
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"No, no. Everything is okay, Denki. Don't worry, nothing happened."
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"... Then… then what is it? You don't usually call me…"
Hitoshi could hear the uneasiness from Denki's tone. How could he ever cause his lover this much pain?
Right now, if he wanted to do this right, he had to be honest.
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"I know… sorry about that, I guess… I just wanted to hear your voice."
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"What are you- umm… what do you mean, Toshi?"
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" I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I miss you Denki… I just miss you so much…"
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"Denki?"
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"Sorry! I'm still here… I just… I just wasn't expecting that…I…"
Hitoshi heard Denki sniff and what sounded like a muffled sob on the other side of the line. His heart clenched at the thought of Denki crying. He kept silent, waiting for his partner to finish.
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"I miss you too, Toshi..."
Denki's voice carried a lot of pain, pain that even Hitoshi could feel through the screen. Hitoshi knew what Denki meant, he didn't just miss him because he had been away. No, it was more than that.
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"Denki. I know, I know I haven't been the best recently and I want you to know that I love you. I promise I'll try harder to show it to you… I promise to never have you question how much I love you."
Muffled sobs continued to be heard from the other side of the phone, so Hitoshi continued. Honesty, he reminded himself
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"I love you. I love your voice, your laugh, and your smile. I love the way you can light up a room in seconds and the way you care for others. I love the way your eyes light up when you talk about the things you like, and I love the fact that you can talk for hours without getting tired. I love hugging you and waking up by your side. I know I haven't shown it, but I do and I'm sorry for ever making you doubt it."
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"Toshi… I love you too. I just- I've been so scared that you- I thought… I thought you would leave me. I-"
Denki's voice cracked and he simply continued to sob, no longer hiding it. Hitoshi could tell he was trying hard to control his tears but failing to do so
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"Denki… I'm sorry. I know that doesn't cut it and I know it's not enough, but I will make it up to you. We will talk more when I see you again, and you'll be able to see that I'm not lying. I should be there by tomorrow. I'll try to find a flight as soon as possible… We can out to that place you like, the one with hamburgers"
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"Wh-what? Toshi but…what do you mean? Yo-… your trip isn't over for another two weeks"
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"I don't care about the trip Denki"
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"Hitoshi, no, no. This is your job! You'll get in trouble, you can't just leave for something like this… Toshi, I believe you. I'll wait for you, you don't need to do this."
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"Denki, it doesn't matter. This job isn't more important than y-"
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"No! Hitoshi, you've worked really hard to get where you are. I trust you… I'll wait… I'll wait, then we'll go get our hamburgers, you're going to kiss me and hug me, you are going to cuddle with me, and we are going to stay like that for the rest of the weekend."
Hitoshi could still hear Denki's shaky breath and strained voice, but he couldn't help but smile at his words
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"Okay… I'll make sure to kiss you and hug you so much that you'll get tired of me and want me to leave again."
Denki's laugh could be heard from the other side. It was weak and strained too, but it still made Hitoshi feel a sting in his eyes. It truly has been a long time since he last heard that.
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"You aren't getting rid of me so easily Toshi… I doubt I'll ever get tired of your hugs and kisses, especially since you owe me so many."
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"...And I'll repay you each and every one of them… I love you, Denki"
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"... I love you too, Hitoshi"
Two weeks had passed since that call and after they spoke to each other that day, they texted and called each other whenever they could, even if that meant sacrificing some sleep and getting a few questioning looks at work.
Today though, Hitoshi would finally go back.
The moment he stepped out of the plane into the airport, Hitoshi started looking for Denki. It took him some time, but he spotted him with ease due to his lover's golden hair. Denki was standing by a corner and was looking around with a slight frown, probably looking for Hitoshi.
Denki was wearing a long thick coat and a red scarf that Hitoshi had gifted him a long time ago. He was also holding a coffee. His nose had a red tint on it from the cold.
The airport was a little warmer than outside but it was still freezing.
Hitoshi began approaching but Denki still didn't seem to notice. The place was completely packed, so it was hard to keep track with everyone moving. Once he was a few feet away Denki saw him. His face lit up and he smiled, although Hitoshi could tell he was nervous from the way his body tensed upon seeing him.
"Denki."
"Hitoshi! How was… how was your trip?"
Denki fidgeted with his fingers and his eyes moved around, trying to look Hitoshi in the eyes, but after a few short seconds, moving them to something else.
Hitoshi knows that if this had happened 5 months ago, Denki would have already thrown himself at him and hugged him. He would have told him he missed him and excitedly talked about everything he missed, but this isn't 5 months ago. Right now, his partner was unsure of how to act. Despite the texts and calls, it was difficult to tell how to act in person after all this time.
Hitoshi knows that Denki still has doubts, and it is now up to him to put those doubts to rest and show him that he doesn't need to hold back. He wants Denki to be the carefree guy he knows, to not have to hold back in fear of annoying him, but he knows it won't be a quick change. He knows that this is his doing and he is now responsible for fixing it, and he will try his best to fix them.
He needs to prove Denki that he was serious and he meant it when he said he would change and try for him.
Hitoshi gently held Denki's face with both hands and placed a kiss on his forehead. Denki looked up at him, surprised by the sudden action.
"It was fine… but it was too long."
Hitoshi kept their foreheads touching as he talked. He kept one of his hands on Denki's cheek and then used his other arm to hold Denki's waist and bring him closer to him, careful not to squish the coffee on Denki's hands.
Denki seemed flustered by Hitoshi's actions but didn't try to move away. Instead, he leaned over his face and kissed Hitoshi on the lips. It was a timid kiss, as if testing the waters. Hitoshi returned the kiss with a little more depth and they both continued kissing for a few more seconds, just enjoying the warmth and presence of the other.
It had been a long time since they shared a kiss like this. Lately, their kisses were mostly small pecks, but this kiss was deep and needy, it was something they both wanted and missed. Although for them it didn't feel like enough, they had to break the kiss.
"I… I bought you coffee. I figured you would be tired."
Denki held the coffee up with a shy smile. Hitoshi took the coffee and then took Denki's gloved hand into his and kissed it.
"Thank you."
He held Denki's hand and both walked to the exit.
It wouldn't be easy and they still had long ways to go, but for now, this was enough. Once home, Hitoshi would apologize again while holding Denki and Denki would cry on Hitoshi's shoulder. They would have a long talk. Denki would try to reassure him that it was alright and both would fall asleep holding the other. That night they would both cry and hold each other.
The next months would be full of reassurance from Hitoshi, while trying to get Denki to open up again, and reassurance from Denki that Hitoshi didn't have to continue hating himself. It would be tough but they'll both get there.
For now, they simply walked out from the airport holding hands, and kissing each other at every chance they got.
They would be alright, they would get there eventually. They would take everything one step at a time, but for now, they still have a date to get to.