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The wind whipped around him violently. He usually hides during these times, living on a flying ship made the breezes and storms inevitable. His hands were trembling. They seemed deceptively small, the light brown skin pulled tight over his bones. Lloyd flexed them, the splattering of rain that fell across the hands.
For a second he’s back there, the sickly feeling of wind pushing him out of existence. Futily fighting it as he almost kills his brother. These hands, they haunted his nightmares, Lloyd’s hands against Kai’s throat, squeezing and taking the life out of him.
There was something inside him, the power was always there. A constant energy that Lloyd wished he understood, could root out and study it from every angle. Light burst forth, a tiny bubble of flickering electricity dancing from finger to finger. It shimmered, flexing and waning in the light, threatening to vanish into the light it came at any moment. Lloyd knew it would not, that the power remained a constant threat.
It hurt, the constant thrum and need to contain, to prevent it from overwhelming and consuming him. It would be so easy, to just let it overpower him the way he’d let Morro. Lloyd hated that part of him, terrified of the fire coursing through his system and willing to get anything to make it stop.
Even if it meant- those hands, twisting around Kai’s neck-
“Hey, green bean.” Lloyd flinched, turning around and feeling the whip of the wind against his cheek.
Kai had his hands in his pockets, staring at Lloyd with concern. Lloyd hadn’t even noticed him approach, what kind of ninja was he?
“Is everything okay?”
Lloyd nodded, the movement too sharp. Kai frowned, narrowing his eyes and gripping harder onto the bannister.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it. But please Lloyd, at least admits something’s wrong. None of us expects you to be okay after something like that. And kid, you’re allowed to not be okay.”
“I'm not really a kid anymore though.”
Lloyd knew he’d got him when Kai frowned.
“You are Lloyd, I know with everything it’s hard but we’re- we’re trying to let you be a kid as much as we can. And you deserve that, fsm you deserve better than that. You should be able to just be a kid. Without any of this destiny stuff.”
Lloyd paused, his grip on the rail faltering as hot angry tears started to form, he gripped his shirt wiping them away in a swift angry motion.
“Well I can’t, so here we are.”
“I know, I just- Lloyd I’m sorry. I know I failed, I didn’t- I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
Lloyd turned around, staring Kai in the eyes for the first time and seeing for the first time the tears pricking at the edge of his eyes. He grabbed Kai’s hand in his own, and Kai wrapped his fingers, warming his hand.
“Kai, no. You’ve always been there. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Sometimes we’re not always going to be in the same place, but that doesn’t mean you’re not supporting me.”
Lloyd paused, he hadn’t even thought that Kai would be this worried about him, that anyone would care enough about it. He knew logically that the Ninja viewed him as part of the family, especially Kai. and Lloyd reciprocated.
But. This was weird right?
He swallowed, pressing closer to Kai and enjoying the warmth he gave off. Lloyd wasn’t the only one struggling here.
“Kai, I know- I messed up. You don’t have to take the burden of that.”
Pure fury burned brightly in his eyes for a moment, “Lloyd none of this is your fault. Your- We should have protected you, that’s our responsibility. It’s our job.”
“And I’m powerful, or at least meant to be. I’m not meant to get caught. Kai, I almost killed you.”
Kai pulled him into a crushing hug, pulling him tight and running a hand through Lloyd’s curls. He could feel the warmth seeping through his body.
“Lloyd, you didn’t do anything. Please, please understand that,” Kai pulled him tight, comforting and tight at the same time, as he whispered. It was far more intense than Lloyd had ever heard him.
“But-”
“Shh, no buts. I'm sorry you don’t beleive yourself, but I promise Lloyd. Nobody thinks this is remotely your fault.”
Lloyd pulled his head up, meeting Kai’s intense gaze with his own, because righteous fury was starting to bubble up, threatening to overspill as he thought about everything his brothers had gone through.
“It’s not your fault either. Kai- Morro did this. This is on him, okay?”
“Okay fine,” Kai said, but he averted his gaze downwards and Lloyd knew he hadn't quite gotten through to him.
They stood in silence, gripping each other as if Lloyd might disappear at any moment. The wind abated slightly, drifting to a swift current and away from the howling rage that shock Lloyd to his core.
“Is- Is everything going to be okay?” Lloyd hated how weak his voice came out, he felt like a little child, back when he was too young to understand the darkness that lurked within Darkley’s walls.
Kai tightened his grip, “I don't know. But- We’ll heal. Together ok?”
Lloyd nodded, staring into the dark stretches of the night sky that greeted him in the beyond. He shivered against Kai, absorbing the radiating heat as he hummed softly. Kai ran his fingers through his hair, gently tugging the occasional curl.