Chapter Text
“Hey. You guys. Wanna hear a story?”
Vivid BAD SQUAD had just sat down within Crase Cafe after an early morning practice. Without even a second of calm respite, An had thrown a question into the air, one that Akito clearly had no intention of answering, if his bored eye roll was any indication.
He crossed his legs, arms rigidly folded as he judgingly tilted his head. He looked exceedingly tired. “What, is it something Kohane did again? You’re running dry on topics.”
The Kohane in question made a confused squeak.
“What? No! What do you think I am, obsessed?”
The cafe went deadly silent. MEIKO’s mug scrubbing could be heard loud and clear.
“... Okay, well,” The long haired girl quickly cleared her throat. “Last night! We were closing up, yeah?” An haphazardly swung her arms around while telling her story, her mug nearly sending a droplet of coffee in Akito’s general direction. “There was this guy who decided to walk in 5 minutes before closing time. I could see Dad’s eye twitch at the sight, but he greeted them happily anyway. As a cafe owner does, yeah?”
Touya solemnly nodded. “Ken-san is always full of vigor for his customers. I respect that.”
“Right, right?!” An’s eyes blindingly sparkled in Touya’s direction, himself unfazed. “Dad’s the coolest! Anyway! That guy gave, like,” An was smart enough to put her mug down this time, making an exaggerated waving motion. Once again, in Akito’s direction. He raised an eyebrow. “A wave! Like that! But then he almost fell over, before taking a seat. Odd, right?!”
“Um…” Kohane spoke up, her thinking cap clearly on if her puzzled expression was any indication. Her literal cap, too. “I’m not sure what’s completely odd. Was he just tired, or…?”
An excitedly clapped. A little too enthusiastically, if you were to ask Akito. “A brilliant question, Kohane! He was, in fact…”
The girl zipped to the cafe counter to grab two spoons, with MEIKO giving her a questioning look. Without much of a pause she returned to the table, banging the spoons for a makeshift drumroll that sounded rather unimpressive. Akito stared at her.
“Couldn’t you have just played a video on your phone…?”
“Shush! I’m setting the atmosphere!” An jabbed a spoon in Akito’s direction, before flicking it into the air and catching it with ease. “He was drunk! Dead in a ditch drunk!”
Further silence followed. They could hear one of the Kagamines getting tickled by the other outside.
“Wow. Shocker.” “Yes, I figured.” “That does make sense, now that you say it…”
An was flabbergasted. C’mon, guys! Not even an ounce of surprise? Shock? Suspension?! I set up the atmosphere and everything!”
“Maybe do a better job next ti-OW! What the hell, An?!” The girl reached over to harshly pinch Akito’s nose, before returning to her spot before the table. “Son of a…”
“Party pooper aside,” She spoke back up as if nothing had happened. “The guy was being an asshole. He kept asking for beer, even though we don’t sell that and I could tell Dad was getting kinda fed up. So, when the guy finally got desperate enough to try and reach over the counter, you wanna know what Dad did?”
Touya spoke with no hesitation whatsoever. “He gently picked the man up and carried him outside.”
“Um…” Kohane struggled with her response, unable to come up with much. “I don’t know…”
In turn, An looked at Akito, expectation clear in her gaze.
“Just tell us already. We don’t have all day, dammit.”
She grinned a malicious grin. “Alright. So. Dad? He took a sturdy glass bottle, raised it up…” Her own arm mimicked her father’s motion, just without the bottle in question. “And SLAMMED it down!”
Right as she said that, her closed fist collided hard with the table, everyone but Touya lifting up their drinks in time. He merely watched as his mug came ridiculously close to falling over and scalding him. An winced in slight pain, but ignored it. “It was a spectacle! That guy fled faster than I’d ever seen someone run!”
Akito found himself grinning, oddly enough. “Makes sense. If I could trust anyone with scaring off a pissy customer, it’d be Ken-san.”
“Oh, but it left a small dent in the counter. Nothing noticeable, but y’know.”
Everyone looked at her incredulously.
“Ken-san did WHAT?!”
“Yeah.” An nodded, looking oddly proud of herself. “Don’t mess with us bartenders! We WILL smack you sideways and then some!”
With that said, she slid back into her seat, muttering something about how that could have been way cooler.
“Bartenders, huh…” Touya muttered to himself, before his gaze went to the other side of the cafe. “Do you think MEIKO-san is similarly powerful? Or perhaps it’s a trait exclusive to Ken-san?”
Akito shrugged, lazily taking a sip of his drink. “Hell if I know. Does she have reason to get mad at a patron? The most that happens is Len pulling some prank-”
The moment he voiced his thoughts, a shaggy head of blue hair walked into the cafe, bell jingling to signal someone’s doom. “Yahoo! Good morning, everyone!”
The four members of Vivid BAD SQUAD turned to look at him in horror.
“Oh, God.”
MEIKO blinked, before turning to face him. “It’s already noon, KAITO. But yes, hello. What would you like?”
“Oh, it is? My bad!” KAITO sheepishly scratched the back of his head in an all-too-familiar manner. “Anyway I’d like…” The man went silent for several seconds, MEIKO tilted her head, confused.
“You’d like… what? I can’t make you anything if not even you know what you want!”
“Oh… ah…” He scratched the back of his head again. Not a good sign. “Well… I was gonna ask for a milkshake with a scoop of chocolate ice cream, but… I already finished a container last night! I need some variety!”
“You… wait. Give me a moment, please.” With haste, MEIKO departed to the room beyond the counter, the one nobody dared ever venture. Besides perhaps Luka. A distant, faint “YOU’RE KIDDING ME!” could be heard. Everyone in VBS tensed up, KAITO unaware of the dangers.
Loud, foreboding, stomps were heard coming out of the room, When MEIKO arrived, she seemed… different. A translucent, scarlet aura surrounded her, her coat fluttering on her shoulders. A wry facade of a smile managed to remain on her face, directed solely at KAITO. “KAITO,” She began. Even just her voice was enough to chill the humans to their very bones. “The twins don’t normally get chocolate. They always get vanilla. The chocolate ice cream is reserved exclusively for the drinks I make. And that is what you finished. Without my permission .”
The realization belatedly dawned in KAITO, albeit his rather relaxed expression proved he was still feebleminded in the face of the boss. “Aha, my bad! I can be such a goof sometimes, after all…”
MEIKO deadpanned. Then, without a single moment’s notice;
“THAT WAS NOT A MERE GOOF MOMENT!”
She pulled a full, heavy bottle of beer out of her coat pocket, slamming KAITO directly in the gut with a bone shattering home run. The force of the impact was enough to send her coat careening off her shoulders, flying straight into Touya’s only mildly shocked face. It slid off without a reaction from him.
“GUH-” The blue singer was sent flying straight forward, the cafe door conveniently opening to MEIKO’s will to allow the criminal a property damage-less exit from the premises. He collapsed into a heap of useless blob in the middle of the street after a rough landing, the Kagamines giving his body attention for all of 3 seconds before returning to whatever they were doing.
MEIKO casually put the bottle down, wiping her hands clean of any KAITO born germs before walking over to pick up her coat, the unit still watching her with wide eyes. Slinging it back over her shoulder, she lightly smiled. “To answer your question, Touya; yes, all of us bartenders can exceed human limits to defend our turf. It’s simply natural.”
Returning to her post and wiping off the beer bottle, the four singers all looked at each other. Then, An made a declaration;
“One day, I’ll be JUST like MEIKO-san! No Akitos will ruin my establishment if it’s the last thing I do!”
“WHY ME?!”