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Once again, they were unfortunately ‘blessed’ with a scenario penalty after horribly failing another unplanned scenario.
Kim Dokja wondered to himself whose idea it was to allow Uriel to provide them with such bizarre scenarios that ended in unnecessarily annoying consequences.
The day he encounters that individual he will recreate the dokkaebi Paul incident, probably. This couldn’t be coincidence. It had to be a personal attack on his person or Yoo Joonghyuk (and not because he defends Yoo Joonghyuk, of course, cough).
[A scenario penalty has been added!]
[For the next 24 hours, the incarnation 'Yoo Joonghyuk', and the constellation 'Demon King of Salvation', will be submitted to a condition that will force them to be completely transparent in front of each other. The other incarnations and constellations are excluded from the penalty, so they will not be able to appreciate some benefits of said penalty].
Kim Dokja was worried, too much for his own taste. Nor did he see the 4th Wall blurting out their unpleasant comments regarding his current pitiful situation, which left him with even more anxiety. Something was wrong. Something was off.
Something was missing.
When the reader looked up from the pop-up window, scanning his surroundings, he was already being swarmed by the rest of his companions. Biyoo, Lee Gilyoung, and Shin Yooseung were the first to approach him to check that there was nothing wrong with Kim Dokja. The others kept their distance, but still expressed curiosity.
“Dokja-ssi, what happened?” questioned Yoo Sangah, that comment being the start of additional ones from the others.
“I see him the same as usual, I could say he even looks dumber to me than before” remarked Han Sooyoung, having that smirk on her face, crossing her arms “Are you sure they gave you a penalty?”
“Don't be so blunt, maybe it's something inner. . Or about their skills” Jung Heewon hastened to refute.
As the group drew their own conclusions among themselves, eventually drowning the reader with questions as the children tried to reason into letting the adult speak first, the missing voice in the conversation was finally heard by all.
“We have no time to waste on this, the scenarios won’t stop just because of this nonsense” the man himself, Yoo Joonghyuk, snorted in annoyance. He was also worried about the penalty as he did not fully understand it, but he wouldn’t let himself be weakened by this.
[The constellation, ‘Secretive Plotter’, is looking at the incarnation, ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’, with noticeable disappointment.]
Yoo Joonghyuk looked up at the stars with a more pissed off expression than before, as if he was challenging the constellation. How bothersome he was.
“We should listen to Dokja hyung first”
All eyes were on Kim Dokja, who held Biyoo in his arms and kept a calm countenance on the outside. They were finally giving him the benefit of speaking, he thought he would end up buried in more questions and confusions until they got tired of it.
“Seeing that the penalty does not affect the rest of the group, I don't see why we should delay what was planned, neither do I feel unable to continue as we did so far” the reader spoke, that carefree smile graced his face as he turned to his team. “If no one feels in need of rest, it would be wise to continue”
“Are you sure, Ahjussi?” asked Lee Jihye, accompanied by Lee Hyunsung who was also eager to make sure the situation was not as bad as it seemed.
“If you require any medical assistance, you know you can come to me” Lee Seolhwa added, looking to aid if that was the case.
Dokja found himself at a crossroads, how could he convey that he was fit when he himself did not know if it was true? He did not know the nature of the penalty, he did not yet know what it meant to be 'transparent'.
「 Kim Dok ja is an i diot. 」
Ah, suddenly part of his worries vanished. For a moment he thought he was actually exposed due to the possible absence of the 4th Wall. Fortunately he was not.
. . . Wait a minute, why was the 4th Wall insulting him now?
“Tch” was audible from the regressor, who ended up getting close enough to the reader to be face to face, ignoring Biyoo who was in between the two of them “Kim Dokja, when will you stop prioritizing others before yourself? You don't even know if you're okay-”
As if he realized his own words, Yoo Joonghyuk stopped mid-sentence. His expression altered slightly to one of surprise. What was that?
The reader blinked a few times, incredulous at what he had just heard. He must be imagining it, there was no way the protagonist would dare to speak in such a direct way regarding his well-being like that as if it was nothing. Yoo Joonghyuk?
“Eh, this is new” perplexed, Jung Heewon tilted her head, and it wasn't just her- All Kim Dokja's Company present was shocked by the peculiarity of the situation.
“Master. .?” called Jihye, instinctively grabbing Gilyoung and Yooseung to prevent a possible 'attack' upon the regressor for the rough way he was treating Kim Dokja, as usual.
“They're having another married couple argument, apparently” Sooyoung, thinking it was business as usual, shrugged her shoulders
“Excuse me?” the shorter man turned to the protagonist, eventually regaining his composure “You're the one who always says we shouldn't fall behind, Yoo Joonghyuk. I'm just trying to follow what's best for all of us”
A vein popped out on Joonghyuk's neck, who grabbed Dokja by the collar of his trench coat, pulling him forward so that they were within inches of each other. Tension had built up.
Jung Heewon threatened to interrupt, but Yoo Sangah stopped her, indicating that it would be better to let them be unless the situation escalated.
“For all of us, you say, do you really include yourself in that sentence?” protested the regressor, ignoring Biyoo’s tugging on the black trench coat in an attempt to get him let go of the other man “Always making stupid plans that put you in danger, you’ve died so many times it would even seem you enjoy doing it, you bastard. You don’t think about us at all!”
Kim Dokja remained static in his place, looking around the rest of the group for a moment. He noticed various expressions of concern, others that hid sad feelings under a false layer of strength, and then there were the children. Oh, just looking at the faces of Shin Yooseung and Lee Gilyoung he could feel that enormous guilt fill him inside.
It was true. Yoo Joonghyuk was right. He was selfish.
But he wouldn't stop.
The reader frowned, challenging the regressor with his eyes again, determined.
“I think of you as much as you have no idea, Yoo Joonghyuk” Dokja sentenced, suddenly he had a vague feeling that his 'neutral' face would decay, but it didn't stop him from continuing “I do everything for all of you, but you don't understand, you wouldn't understand!”
One of Kim Dokja's hands held one that belonged to the regressor, pulling in an attempt to get him to let go. As usual, the protagonist did not budge.
“Don't be stupid, do you think I'm going to believe you when you say you think about us while you do what you want, hiding everything from us?”
“You do the same thing!” he shouted, pushing the taller one away and finally breaking free from his grip. “You go who-knows-where, you never say what you think. You can't complain about that”
“That- That’s different-”
Kim Dokja snorted, looking as if he was offended by the comment. Yoo Joonghyuk tried to approach again, but was stopped by the reader.
“Besides, you say I don't think about others? You're completely wrong” this time, one could notice the shaking in Dokja's voice, his face had changed from angry to a more melancholic one, 'unfortunate' as they used to call it “I'm not doing this for me, Yoo Joonghyuk, I'm doing this because I want to give you all an ending that you deserve to have, each and every one of you. Including yourself. Especially you. Fuck!”
Lee Seolhwa began to catch on to where the conversation was heading, and ended up approaching Yoo Sangah to talk in a quiet voice. After the exchange, they came to a silent agreement to move away from both men.
Jung Heewon also noticed the intention of both women, and decided to rest a hand on Lee Hyunsung's shoulder, giving him a look that was enough for him to understand that they had to leave.
The one who took it upon herself to gently persuade Shin Yooseung and Lee Gilyoung was Lee Jihye, offering words of comfort as she ended up taking them away from the scene along with the other adults. The only one who remained standing in place was Han Sooyoung, who ended up letting out a resigned sigh. She would 'reproach' them for the argument later.
Those two really needed to talk.
By the time only the two men were left in place, along with Biyoo, the silence remained until Kim Dokja let out a frustrated groan, bringing a hand to his face to cover it. For some reason it was quite difficult to keep himself stable, and he didn't see any notification of the 4th Wall activating to help him.
A faint 'baaht' was audible from Biyoo, who was looking to get the reader's attention so that he wouldn't get too overwhelmed.
Yoo Joonghyuk fixed his gaze on some neutral point, trying to find a way to respond that didn't sound too blunt or much less like he was dismissing the older man's feelings. He wasn't good at communicating, how should he deal with this conversation?
Luckily for both of them, perhaps, it was Kim Dokja who spoke first.
“You really have no idea what you did, you don't know how important this is to me” the man confessed, at the same time one of his hands gently caressed Biyoo, even if he was subtly trembling in the process “You are all important to me, it's because of you that I'm here, and I would like to thank you in a proper way, even if I end up losing myself in the end-”
A sob, a choked cry, was what made Yoo Joonghyuk focus his attention on Kim Dokja again. As strange as it seemed to him just now, he could clearly see that face.
An expression that perfectly reflected the weight he carried on his shoulders, that face that cried out for the understanding of anyone, anything.
Yoo Joonghyuk knew exactly that kind of despair, that sadness. That need to be saved after having done so much.
He inevitably shortened the distance between the two, the protagonist had a gaze that was difficult to decipher. It was the first time he could see Kim Dokja's face clearly, and of course, he didn't appreciate too much the fact that it was just when he was at such a vulnerable moment.
“Kim Dokja” the regressor called, he completely understood the pain of the other, but first he had to express what he had been holding back for so long. It was hard for him to speak, sure, words and feelings were not his thing, but he would make the attempt, for him “Have you ever been willing to ask us what we really want? What I want? Do you even know what we feel? What Lee Gilyoung or Shin Yooseung feel every time you leave them to their fate?”
As he spoke, Joonghyuk frowned, having a hard time keeping that tone low as long as he didn't get caught up in a misunderstanding again.
“Did you ever consider what Jung Heewon felt when you decided that she would take justice into her own hands? Or what that woman, Yoo Sangah, has to go through to see you throwing yourself against problems like nothing when you were just working in an office before” he continued to complain, forming fists with his hands.
“Do you think Lee Jihye likes her position? She's young, but not young enough to have to supervise her like the kids, and she's also not too old to keep up with the others, do you know how hard that is?” Joonghyuk closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his blood boiling “And Han Sooyoung, she can be quite annoying towards you, but she's the first one to worry about you every time you do something stupid”
Kim Dokja's eyes widened in quite a bit of surprise, being speechless at the amount of information he was receiving. Was it really like that? If he thought better of it, he always fell back on what he thought others needed or wanted, but. .
He had never given himself the chance to approach them properly.
“Joonghyuk-”
“Did you ever think about how I felt, Kim Dokja?” this time, the regressor spoke in a higher tone, holding back the urge to explode in front of him, opening his eyes to look at the reader with all the pain there is in the world “You say you think about us, but to tell the truth, you only think you think about us. When did we ever ask you to sacrifice yourself for us? We never told you that you must die for each of us on the scenarios”
“I want to save you!” Dokja finished exclaiming, trying not to apply too much force in his grip on Biyoo, tears sliding down his cheeks “I want to. . give you the same salvation you gave me, when I needed it most. I want to thank you, Yoo Joonghyuk, because you have saved me countless times”
“I don't need you to save me! I never asked you for that, Kim Dokja” reproached the regressor, his fists were shaking, having a mix between frustration, anger, and a huge sorrow in his chest “You don't need to suffer to save me, it's not what I want, you don't know what I want, I don't want to be saved!”
Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed the other man by the shoulders, looking at him with determination, making sure he heard what he had to say.
He had been silent for so long. He wouldn't let it go now.
“I don't want someone to save me, not like this, what are we comrades for if you carry all the weight by yourself, and never try to listen to me?” he exclaimed, shaking the reader slightly “The only thing I want from you, is for you to stay by my side, because I care about you, Kim Dokja, even if you don't want to accept that and decide everything on your own, like a fool”
Yoo Joonghyuk's piercing gaze caused Kim Dokja to remain silent for several seconds, just letting out a few sobs due to crying. Suddenly it was as if he was going back years ago, being that child who needed a hand reaching out to him to help him up.
“Kim Dokja, I have emotions too, and I've also carried the weight of several lifetimes, don't take things on by yourself anymore” he pleaded, shifting to a troubled expression, letting out a heavy sigh “I don't want to lose another companion, not again, please”
The regressor let go of the man's shoulders, this time seeking to take one of his hands, providing a firm, confident grip and committed to properly expressing to him everything he felt. He couldn't tell him straight out, because in reality, he wasn't quite ready yet, but he still wanted to let him know that he was there.
By his side.
“Let's do this together, Kim Dokja, you're not alone anymore, and neither am I, so let's face this together. We're companions, remember?”
The reader looked down at Biyoo, slowly relaxing his emotions despite how difficult it was, trying to steady his voice so he could respond appropriately. He was wrong, all this time he thought it was the only way.
He couldn't blame himself either, neither of them knew exactly how to cope with these emotions, nor could they recognize that they didn't have to go to such extremes in order to protect those they wished to protect.
But then, who would protect them? Who would save them?
That was why they were together now, to share the burdens, to accompany each other.
They did not need a salvation, but someone to fight shoulder to shoulder with.
A companion.
“I'm sorry, Joonghyuk” the reader took a big breath of air, relaxing his expression until he felt able to look directly at the man in front of him. That man who carried the weight of the whole world, and went through so much loss. He couldn't be willing to hurt him like that knowing how much he had suffered for so many years.
His favorite protagonist.
The character- No, the person he watched grow up next to him. The one person for whom he was able to survive for his entire life, all for the sake of continuing to read his story. To remain hopeful.
“Let's fight until we reach the end of this story, Yoo Joonghyuk, together”
Even though Dokja's eyesight was a bit blurred with tears, he could swear that at that moment, being so close to each other, he saw a smile on Yoo Joonghyuk's face.
A encouraging smile, one that he had never been able to witness before. It was contagious, because he ended up smiling too.
If they could continue this way to the end, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to try to survive for a while longer, Kim Dokja thought.
Yoo Joonghyuk leaned in the direction of the reader, saying nothing more, simply resting his forehead against the reader's in silence.
[The Story ‘Life and Death Companions’ is continuing its storytelling.]