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The smoke burned their lungs and darkened the sky. Doriath has fallen. Dior and Nimloth were slain, and Elwing had disappeared with the Silmaril. Eluréd and Elurín had been gagged by servants of Celegorm and were abandoned in the forest of Doriath to die a slow, dreadful death. Autumn was quickly changing into winter and the nights were bitterly cold. The twins wore no proper clothing for such weather, and they had lost their shoes during the kidnapping. Elurín sobbed in despair and Eluréd was close to tears as well. Starving and freezing to death was slow and terrible and they were afraid.
“Come, Elurín, we must find shelter.”, Eluréd snivelled, and his twin brother cried, “What use is shelter. We - we will die anyways!” His brother’s lower lip wobbled, and he grabbed Elurín’s cool hand.
“Still, we will be protected from rain, snow and wind. Come brother, I can’t do this alone…” Elurín rubbed his eyes and sniffed before nodding. Hand in hand, the twins, in a panicked state, hurried through the forest as the day waned and gave way to darkness.
~~~
Maedhros closed in eyes in bitter regret and tiredness. They had done it again. Once more had they slain their kin and destroyed the lives of countless innocent elves for a jewel. He clenched his trembling fist and punched the ruins of a wall, before leaning against it. He knew Maglor was weary and empty. No songs could be heard and Maedhros saw the void in his younger brother’s eyes. He never should have left Valinor. Maglor was too gentle a soul for such cruelty, but their father’s speech had ignited a fire even in his heart. Now, the Oath relentlessly sucked away any joy he might have ever found.
Celegorm, Curufin and Caranthir were dead. 3 more brothers lost. While Maedhros was grieved, the brothers had grown estranged over the course of the First Age. He looked at Celegorm’s corpse next to Dior’s and thought of how he had tried to keep Lúthien for himself. The fury and shame Maedhros had felt at the news had been indescribable and long had he fought with his brother. He had even written a lengthy letter of apology to King Thingol and Queen Melian but had received no answer.
The sight of the countless corpses of men, women and children sickened him. When Maedhros looked at a black-haired child, he for a moment saw a young Maglor. A blond child reminded him of Celegorm. A red-haired of Ambarussa. Maedhros turned away and vomited until his stomach was empty. How disappointed his mother and Fingon must be… He was so tired. Despite his age, Maedhros yearned to climb into his mother’s lap to hide away from the world and feel her stroke his hair. He wanted to be a child again, young, innocent and ignorant of pain and weariness.
Suddenly, he perked his ears when he heard voices. Slowly, he rose to his feet and sped up as blazing fury filled him when he heard an elf say: “Those two princelings are good as dead. As if they could survive in the wild now that winter is coming.” Laughter ensued, which was quickly silenced when Maedhros grabbed the elf by his neck.
“What did you say?”, he hissed enraged. The elf paled and stuttered: “M-my lord, it was an order, I swear!”
“What. Have. You. Done?”
Another elf, just as pale, shrieked: “We were ordered to release the sons of Dior into the wild.”
Maedhros roared: “You did WHAT?! Who gave the order? Where did you release them?”
“L-Lord Celegorm gave the order! It was somewhere in the forest of Doriath!”, the elf whimpered and Maedhros was close to strangling the elf. Celegorm. Coveting Lúthien was not enough, now you order her grandchildren to die in the wilderness!
The firstborn son of Feanor threw the elf to the ground and ran into the direction the elf had pointed to. He had to find them. He would deal with those soldiers later.
~~~
It had been days. The twins were numb and hungry. There was no cave or rocky niche and they had been forced to sleep outside in the cold night. Eluréd clutched his growling stomach with his cold fingers. A few days ago, the first snow had fallen and Elurín had started coughing. He sounded as if he tried to cough the lungs out of his body. Eluréd felt himself falling sick as well. His throat was raw, and his ears hurt.
Finally, there was what appeared to be a foxhole. It wasn’t much, but it offered better protection from the coming night and storm than the open air. “Come, Elurín, in here we will be safe!”, Eluréd tried to encourage his brother, who only looked at him with a blue-tinged face and coughed.
The earth was cool and frozen, but the twins huddled together and tried to warm themselves with what little body warmth they had left. Their feet were already blue, and it won’t take long until their toes would freeze off.
The storm raged outside and entered the foxhole. At some point, Eluréd thought he heard someone call their names, but he felt so tried, cold and sleepy that he wasn’t sure he had heard right. Beside him, Elurín was still, a few coughs wrecking his small body, but otherwise he did not move. Eluréd shook his brother and sobbed.
“Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone. Stay with me, I don’t want to be alone.”
~~~
It was freezing. The icy wind whipped his copper hair back and forth and the snow gradually grew higher and higher. Luckily, Maedhros was a tall elf, and he could move forward with more easiness than others.
“Eluréd! Elurín! Answer me!”, he shouted, but the wind cut his voice short. The sound didn’t seem to go further than his mouth before it was torn apart by the storm. There was no way the children could hear him if they were still alive.
Maedhros slipped and fell, and he shouted and screamed until his voice was hoarse. “Valar, even if I do not deserve your aid, guide me to find the twins!”, Maedhros begged in desperation. He clutched his left eye, which still bore the wounds and marks of Angband and hurt in the cold.
The wind seemed to lessened just enough so that his keen elven ears picked up the sound of coughing. Maedhros scrambled on his legs and sprinted towards it and at last, there they were, nearly snowed in in a foxhole. There was no way he would have found them in here.
Neither moved and seemed asleep, were it not for their blue toes and frozen faces. For a moment, Maedhros feared he was too late, when he put his ear on the chest of both and hugged them close and wrapped them in his cloak when he still heard a faint heartbeat. Their time has nearly run out, but they could still be saved. A tear escaped his eyes. Thank the Valar.
~~~
Eluréd was caught in the delirium of a fever. A soothing voice sounded through the cotton in his head and told him to drink. The soup burned his throat and soon the world went black once more.
~~~
“You should sleep.”
“I can’t.”
Maglor watched his brother watch over one of the twins. He didn’t dare put them in the same room, fearing the healthier would fall even more ill as well. The other twin was still standing in Mandos’ threshold.
“Why did you save them? How are they different from the other children slaughtered in our names? Why do they deserve to live?”, Maglor asked hollowly. Maedhros hung his head.
“No child deserved to die. I cannot answer your questions.”, he whispered. He clenched his jaw and tried to will away his tears, which started dripping on the bed.
“They will hate us, you know. They will hate you, no matter how much you care about them. No matter how much you might grow to love them with your Oath-chained heart, they will resent you for taking their family and friends over something stupid as a rock.”
“I know.”, Maedhros hissed, turning to Maglor. The dark circles underneath his eyes seemed more prominent. The brothers were far from the fair elven princes they had once been. Maedhros could feel his brother slipping away and didn’t know what to do. He got up and left the room to tend to Elurín.
~~~
His delirium seemed to last many days, however, Eluréd slowly grew more conscious of his surroundings. His feet and fingers were burning, and he was wrapped in a thick blanket. A strong fire was cackling in the hearth, he himself was on a small bed. Eluréd snuggled into it. It was warm and comfortable. With a start, he shot up when he remembered Elurín. Where was his brother? Though, it seemed his body didn’t take well the quick motion and his head pounded and the world spun.
The door opened and a tall, copper-haired elf entered the small room. His face was scarred and broken and terrifying. In his leftover hand he held a bowl with soup. The elf smiled in relief when he noticed Eluréd was awake.
“Am I glad you’re awake! I thought the fever would take you.” Quickly, he crossed the room and kneeled before Eluréd. “How are you feeling?”
“I am still a bit cold and my head and throat hurt.”, Eluréd answered quietly, “Was it you who saved us? Where is my brother? Is he alright?”
The elf held the bowl in front of Eluréd’s face. “Eat first, then we will talk. But to ease your mind, your brother is alright and getting better. Now, eat.”
The soup was a simple dish, but it was the best meal he had eaten in ages. The elf was still kneeling, and his eyes seemed to glisten. When Eluréd had finally finished his soup, he found himself in a tight embrace. “Thank the Valar I found you. Thank the Valar…”. The voice was filled with such relief and guilt Eluréd was stunned. The door opened again and a second elf, tired and dark of hair, stood there and observed them. “The other is asleep and feverish but recovering.”
Eluréd teared up. “He will live?”
The dark-haired elf looked at him blankly. “Yes, he will live.”
The elfling sobbed. “Thank you. thank you so much.”
The copper-haired elf bowed his head. “No. Don’t thank us. We don’t deserve it.”
~~~
Eluréd slowly grew stronger again and was soon allowed to visit his brother Elurín, who had woken up but was still slightly feverish. The copper-haired elf – Maitimo he had introduced himself as – diligently nursed Elurín back to health and soon he was allowed to leave the bed.
Maedhros felt Elurín’s forehead and smiled. “Good, your temperature’s sunken. Both of you are healthy now.” Elurín stared at Maitimo with big, starry eyes and suddenly lept into the older elf’s arms. He tightly clutched Maitimo’s clothes and started wailing into his shoulder. Eluréd felt his own eyes well up and when Maitimo hesitantly opened his arms a bit, he joined his twin and started weeping as well, albeit quieter, as the past events finally caught up with them.
Elurín tried to snuggle himself further into Maitimo’s chest. He was warm and strong, like papa had been. His voice was soothing, trying to calm the elflings.
Neither of the twins were aware of Maedhros’ aching heart as he tried to soothe the very pain which he was responsible for.
Neither of the twins or Maedhros were aware of Maglor standing outside the closed door, forcing himself to listen to the wailing of the children and knowing that it will haunt him in his dreams.
~~~
The twins stayed with Maedhros and grew to love him fiercely. At first, they followed him like shadows and Elurín often couldn’t be pried from his arms. Eluréd was more subtle and merely gripped Maedhros’ sleeve. Maedhros read them stories, played with them and taught them how to defend themselves. In the hot summers the trio swam in forest lakes and streams and at night, Eluréd and Elurín often snuck into his bed. Great was their love for the elf they grew to know as Maitimo and the pain of losing their home, sister and parents was reduced to a dull ache.
They still didn’t know that their beloved Maitimo was responsible for the Fall of Doriath and the death of their parents.
While they loved Maitimo, they feared Makalaure. The dark-haired elf often stayed for himself, but when he crossed paths with the twins, his eyes blankly stared at them.
~~~
One day, many years after Maitimo had saved them, he told the twins that he and Makalaure had to leave for a while. Immediately, Elurín clutched his arm and Eluréd twiddled his thumbs. Both were wrought with anxiety of being left behind. Maitimo kissed the twins’ brows and promised to come back. He told them to stay here and wait until he returned. No word was lost on where exactly they were going and the twins watched them disappear in the horizon, down to the Havens of Sirion.
However, rumours reached the twins, rumours about a terrible battle in the Havens of Sirion. The Sons of Feanor had gotten news that an elf woman named Elwing dwelled there with a Silmaril. Eluréd and Elurín didn’t dare believe what they heard. Their sister was alive! But the question was: For how much longer? They immediately mounted a horse and sped towards the Havens but were stopped by a group of Men. They scolded the twins, for they were still young, despite being elvish adolescents, and ordered them to go home.
“But our sister is in the Havens! Haven’t you heard of the battle there?”, Elurín pleaded, and the Men’s faces grew sad.
“I am sorry, lad, but this battle is said to be one of the cruellest among the three kinslayings. There is no way we can allow you to go there. The Sons of Feanor are ruthless. Four are still left of the seven: Maedhros, Maglor, Amrod and Amras. The other three died in the Second Kinslaying in Doriath.”
“But our father is there as well.”, Eluréd added, remembering that Maitimo and Makalaure had left days before news of the kinslaying had reached the twins. He clutched his reins. Could it be…But could an elf, who was so kind and nurturing, be this terrible?
No matter how much they begged and pleaded, they couldn’t pass and were forced to return home.
“Elurín…don’t you think it a bit suspicious that Maitimo said he and Makalaure had to leave and soon afterwards, a new kinslaying starts?”
Elurín looked at him in horror. “How can you think such a thing! If Maitimo were Maedhros, then this would mean the very elf who saved us is the one who brought us in the situation in the first place! He isn’t perfect, but he is no kinslayer. I refuse to believe that!”
Grim was the mood between the twins for a few days. Elurín was slow to forgive his brother the accusation. Finally, after months of waiting, two figures appeared on the horizon. Maitimo has returned! The twins cheered and attacked him with bear hugs after the smallest hesitation. It was then that they noticed two young elflings, one on Maitimo and one on Makalaure’s horse. After both were brought down from horseback, they tried to hide behind one another.
“Boys, may I introduce you to Elrond and Elros. We…found them in Sirion.”, Maitimo announced and one of the twins suddenly grew angry.
“’Found’ us? You were the ones who –“ He fell silent at the warning glare sent by the copper-haired elf. Eluréd stepped forth. “My name is Eluréd, and this is my brother Elurín. Welcome.”
“We should prepare some food.”, Makalaure suddenly spoke up and Maitimo nodded. Eluréd and Elurín each took a hand and led Elrond and Elros into their new home.
~~~
It took long for the new pair of twins to feel at home, but the presence of the silver-haired twins helped. The older pair became the older brothers of the younger pair and soon, the home was filled with the delighted shrieks of children. To Eluréd and Elurín’s amazement, Elrond and Elros seemed to gravitate to Makalaure, who seemed to blossom like a flower in the sun.
“Why do you call them Maitimo and Makalure?”, Elros suddenly asked one day, while they were playing a card game.
“Because those are their names.”, Eluréd answered. Elrond and Elros shared a look.
“You don’t know their real names?”, Elrond asked hesitantly and now it was the other pair’s turn to share a look.
“Then what are their real names?”, Eluréd challenged, but a dark foreshadowing befell him. He knew their names, didn’t he?
“Maedhros and Maglor. Maedhros is Maitimo and Maglor Makalaure.”
Elurín suddenly threw his cards on the table and got up. “What nonsense are you sprouting? Why would we live with those who destroyed out lives? I am sick of you all saying they are Maedhros and Maglor the Kinslayers.” He ran out and the other three followed him.
“Where are you going?”, Eluréd shouted after him.
“I am going to them and prove that they are not kinslayers.” Elurín burst into the living room, where Maitimo was reading a book and Makalaure had a pen in his hand. Both looked up when the four suddenly crashed through the door.
“Boys?”
“Tell them you aren’t Maedhros and Maglor.”, Elurín demanded, and both froze. Eluréd and Elurín looked at Maitimo, who didn’t meet their eyes. Eluréd felt as if someone had punched all air out of him. To get the confirmation, despite having had a hunch, was more terrible than he had imagined.
Elurín felt his eyes well up with tears. He shook his head in denial. “No…you’re Maitimo and Makalaure…”
Maitimo – Maedhros – put down his book. “They are just the Quenya versions of our Sindarin names Maedhros and Maglor.” He slowly got up, tears shining in his healthy eye. “I am so sorry…Eluréd…Elurín…”
When he tried to reach out to Elurín, his hand was slapped away. “Don’t touch me!”, he screeched, “Kinslayer! Murderer! Get away from me!” he stormed out of the room and Eluréd backed away before following his brother with a sob.
“Boys, wait!”, Maedhros pleaded and ran after them. Elrond and Elros stood in the doorway, guiltily looking after the three. When their eyes landed on Maglor still sitting in his chair, the Feanorean nearly broke his pen in anxiety. He knew Elrond and Elros knew his Sindarin and Quenya names, but he feared that Eluréd and Elurín’s reaction diminished their love for him. Maglor had worked so hard to get them to trust him, he wouldn’t be able to take it if they turned from him. Suddenly, two pairs of hands grabbed his arms. His glassy eyes met theirs and when they hugged him, Maglor burst into sobs.
Meanwhile, Maedhros desperately tried to reach Eluréd and Elurín, who had locked themselves into their room. “Please, let me explain.”, he begged and frantically knocked on the door.
“Go away! You’re a liar!”, Elurín cried. He didn’t know how to combine the loving Maitimo with the cruel Maedhros. He didn’t want to accept what has been confirmed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I couldn’t! Everything else was real, I swear! You are my boys and I love you. That is no lie.”, Maedhros wept. He was shaking with anxiety. He couldn’t lose them, yet they were slipping through his fingers, and he didn’t know how to stop it. Eluréd hiccupped. He knew Elurín was currently in no condition to think clearly, and he too needed his space.
“We – we’ll talk in the morning.”, he said with a trembling voice and from the other side of the door, he received a quiet “Okay”. The two listened as dejected footsteps slowly grew distant and Elurín broke into new sobs.
“I can’t believe it. We have been living with our parents’ murderers all those decades. How am I supposed to look at them now? No wonder Elrond and Elros took so long to warm up to the two.”, he hiccupped.
“And yet they managed to grow to love them.”, Eluréd said quietly and Elurín threw him a disbelieving look.
“Are you not bothered by the revelation?”
Eluréd looked away. “Honestly, I never dismissed my suspicions, so I had time to…prepare myself and get used to the idea of them being Feanoreans. Come, we should sleep a night over this.”
~~~
Maedhros’ eye was dry and itching. His tears were spent, and he knew that tonight, he won’t get a second of sleep.
~~~
Breakfast was tense. Nobody met anyone’s eyes and Maedhros didn’t manage one bite. Dark were the circles under his eyes and Eluréd pitied him. He glanced over to Elurín, who he knew would be slow to forgive the lies and the slaughter of their home. Elurín seemed tired as well and Eluréd suspected that he had continued tossing and turning in his bed. His brother loved Maitimo – no, Maedhros – dearly and felt utterly betrayed. But Elurín wasn’t fully without fault either. He had denied suspicious behaviour or assumptions for years.
However, who wanted to accept the possibility of someone dear being a war criminal and kinslayer?
At some point, Maglor ushered Elrond and Elros out of the dining room and Maedhros knew he had to say something. “Boys, I….”, the words died at the back of his throat.
“Were you ever going to say something? Or would you have continued the lie?”, Elurín whispered.
Maedhros sighed. “I only gave you a different version of my name. Whatever I said about my affections for you boys is real. All the fun we had was real.”
Elurín snorted. “Yeah, no big deal. You took advantage of the fact that we wouldn’t know your Quenya name and made it into a whole other person! Maitimo the loving father and Maedhros the Kinslayer. That is how I have lived for years and now I am supposed to combine them to a singe elf? How, Maedhros? How on Arda am I supposed to do that?” Elurín had started weeping again and Maedhros’ heart shattered.
“I am afraid I don’t know…”, he whispered. Eluréd shoved his food back and forth on the plate.
“You are going to abandon us, aren’t you? Just like Maglor will abandon Elrond and Elros.”, he said quietly and Maedhros looked at him in disbelief.
“Why would we do that?”
“There are still two Silmarils in Morgoth’s crown. If, one day, they will be recovered you will go after them. Your oath demands it.”
Then Maedhros wept bitter tears and Elurín clenched his jaw. He stood up and went to the door to leave. He turned to the two elves still sitting. “Of course he will leave. After all, how can we compare to the Silmarils? We are nothing.”
The relationship between the once close trio seemed irredeemably broken. Elurín refused to interact or be in the same room as Maedhros. In the rare moments he did address the Feanorean, he used “Maedhros” instead of “ada”, as he had done as a child, and it was a dagger stuck into Maedhros’ heart. Eluréd was more forgiving, and he knew Elrond and Elros felt guilty for fracturing the relationship.
Maedhros was devastated and looked at Maglor, Elrond and Elros with envy. He had thought it the best if the silver twins didn’t know who he was and what he had done to their family, but would it have been better if he had told them the truth from the beginning? He was glad for Eluréd, but Elurín’s rejection hurt.
Then, on a day Men called “Father’s Day”, something unexpected happen. Eluréd, Elrond and Elros had a small gift prepared for their respective father figures, but Elurín showed no sign that he had prepared anything. But when the time for gift giving has come, Elurín approached Maedhros and wordlessly handed him a letter. Maedhros hesitantly read it and soon, his hands started trembling and he looked at Elurín with a glassy eye. Elurín’s lower lip wobbled and he threw himself into Maedhros’ arms, which eagerly wrapped around the elf. Eluréd watched with joy as his brother’s face was peppered with kisses and delighted in his laughter. It was only in the evening when he managed to sneak a look at the letter. It was shorter than expected.
Maedhros,
I will not apologize for my behaviour, for the revealed truth hurt and I couldn’t combine Maitimo with Maedhros. What you did to my home and my family was terrible and I cannot forgive you that.
But I mustn’t forget that it was you who searched for Eluréd and me; that it was you who nursed us back to health and that it was you who raised us. Even if I look on our childhood with you with different eyes, I see the genuine love you bear for us. What I see now as well is a soul tortured by an oath which will tear us apart one day. I fear the day it will happen, for despite the truth revealed to us, I love you.
I love you, ada.
Epilogue
They saw it in their eyes. A different gleam shone in them and they despised it. The two pairs of twins were grown now and looked at their foster fathers with sorrow. They saw the Feanoreans were torn. They didn’t want to go, but the Oath commanded them to and they were too weak to disobey. Maglor seemed the fragile wreck he had been before Elrond and Elros and their movements seemed heavy and sluggish when they moved to embrace the four young elves.
It was with a heavy heart the four watched Maedhros and Maglor ride away, aware of the bloodshed which will follow so soon after the War of Wrath. Elrond grabbed Elros and Elurín’s hand. Elurín took Eluréd’s. A veil seemed to lift in front of Elrond’s eyes, and he smiled.
“I believe we will see them again one day, though not for many ages. But Maglor will one day dwell with us again, and, although much later, Maedhros will too.”
The other three smiled as well and they mounted their horses to ride into adventures and an unknown future.