Chapter Text
Thanks.
It's been a lot less lonely after meeting you two.
No, please. Not again.
Please come with us...!
Don't cry, Vash.
Let's meet again in the future.
▪̴͙̲͖̟͂́͒̈́̔̕͘͝ͅ▪̴̢̨̳̫̝͖͎͔͚̼̲̲̯͐̿̄́́̆̊̓̀̏͜͝͝▪̸̛̭̫̩̲̳̭͍̫͉̊̔͋̔͌̔̍̉͠ ̸̡̹͙̭̣͖͖͎͖̭̦̂͐̓̄̚͘I̷͚̪̞͕̓̌̋͘ͅņ̷̖̝̳̙͓͕̥̱͔͉̏̈̈́͋̾͝ỉ̴̯̔t̸̩̑̌̄́͌̊̃̀͐̃͂͝ializing ▪▪▪
r u idiots
???
do u not see the glowing red button
???
u can call me zazie
???
im smth like the god of this world
Zazie
i wasnt gonna interfere but ur idiocy was making me go crazy
Zazie
oho, wanna try me?
Zazie
ill eviscerate u where u stand
Zazie
r u blind
Zazie
the one over there
Zazie
........
Zazie
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tada!
Vash
You look like a dork.
Nai
u 2 finally done?
Zazie
geez u cycled around the same customization options for 5 hrs
Zazie
I thought a god was supposed to be patient.
Nai
i can be whatever i want
Zazie
its my world, loser
Zazie
........
Nai
now, since ur new heroes blah blah
Zazie
u get to choose ur starting superpower
Zazie
choose wisely bc u cant change it after
Zazie
what if i don't want to hurt anyone?
Vash
then choose a non-offensive ability
Zazie
hm
Vash
ok i've decided
Vash
i want the soothe ability
Vash
...soothe?
Zazie
yeah
Vash
i want to help people who are hurting
Vash
r u srs
Zazie
lmao ok u weirdo u can have ur therapy skill
Zazie
heh
Vash
what about u big bro
Zazie
Knives.
Nai
knives? what about them
Zazie
I want knives.
Nai
...ok sure
Zazie
what type
Zazie
butter knife, butcher knife...?
Zazie
Million.
Nai
wat
Zazie
I want a million of them.
Nai
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why did you ask for a million knives
Vash
To stab things.
Nai
yeah but wouldn't one knife suffice
Vash
Not if I want to stab a million things.
Nai
Don't bother with the soothe button. It's not going to work on me.
Nai
i dunno what you're talking about
Vash
Anyway, where did that cockroach go?
Nai
zazie?
Vash
they said they were done delivering the tutorial so we're on our own now
Vash
"Revive three plants to save the world?" It's just a bunch of nonsense.
Nai
well we should at least check
Vash
To begin with, why are the plants scattered around the world?
Nai
Why have they run out of energy already?
Nai
What is this planet?
Nai
Vash, do you remember disembarking the ship?
Nai
no i don't
Vash
it's just you and rem, and then i can't remember anything else
Vash
i keep feeling like i'm forgetting something
Vash
This whole thing reeks of something sketchy.
Nai
yeah
Vash
but we're not going to get anywhere just by thinking about it, right?
Vash
if there are plants that need our help here, we should go find them!
Vash
and zazie said we'll find out where rem is if we clear all three objectives
Vash
Fine.
Nai
yay :D
Vash
here's the map zazie gave us
Vash
the plant locations are marked
Vash
Why are there only two?
Nai
i dunno, the third's probably too far away
Vash
Hm.
Nai
Do you have the weapon that stink bug gave you?
Nai
yeah it's right here
Vash
Ok.
Nai
Don't stray too far away.
Nai
don't worry
Vash
i'll protect you too
Vash
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IT BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash
nai what do i do???
Vash
IT'S COMING TOWARD ME HELP
Vash
Calm down.
Nai
It's just a slime-
Nai
YOUR WEAPON JUST BROKE TOO!!!!
That fucking tapeworm.
Nai
I should've known better.
Nai
aw the slime's kinda cute actually
AHHH IT BIT ME
The sticks we were given broke in two hits.
Nai
wait nai
Vash
We were sabotaged.
Nai
nai
Vash
When I get my hands on them, I'll pull their wings off.
Nai
NAI
Shut up, Vash. I'm thinking of a way to defeat this slime.
Nai
don't you have a million knives
Vash
........
Nai
........
Vash
Right.
Nai
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i don't remember rem ever mentioning slimes
Vash
do you?
Vash
No.
Nai
is it possible we fell out of the ship?
Vash
no i'm not that clumsy
Vash
maybe you pushed me
Vash
Vash.
Nai
yeah?
Vash
What are you doing?
Nai
i'm sorting the slime extract you got earlier
Vash
maybe we can sell it in town
Vash
No, what's that in your mouth?
Nai
oh a mushroom i found
Vash
you might not need to eat but i do
Vash
It's bright red. It looks dangerous.
Nai
don't worry about me
Vash
i'm sure it'll be fine-
Vash
BLERGH
Vash!
Nai
cough... cough...
Vash
You're throwing up blood.
Nai
I need to take you to the nearest town.
Nai
looks like this is it for me...
Vash
Don't say that.
Nai
tell my... slightly homicidal brother... that i love him...
Vash
Shut up.
Nai
Vash? Wake up.
Nai
How am I supposed to carry him to the medic?
Nai
The only abilities I have are millions knives.
Nai
But they'll cut right into his body if I try to pick him up with them.
Nai
I should've asked that beetle to give me something more useful.
Nai
Or to just give Vash more common sense.
Nai
...no, it'll be fine. Vash can regenerate.
Nai
It'll hurt for a bit and he might lose an arm or two, but it'll be worth it.
Nai
Ok. Here we go. Bear with it, Vash.
Nai
wait
Vash
Don't talk. Conserve your energy.
Nai
You don't know how difficult this decision is for me, Vash.
Nai
difficult for you?? i'm the one in danger of getting my arm chopped off!
Vash
There are no other options.
Nai
can't you just use your arms to carry me
Vash
You're heavy.
Nai
nai your biceps are literally the size of my head
Vash
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Are you ok?
Nai
yeah i'm feeling great
Vash
thanks for bringing me here, nai
Vash
No more poisonous shrooms for you.
Nai
yessir
Vash
by the way is that the plant over there in the mountains?
Vash
Probably.
Nai
it's so red. it must be in so much pain
Vash
nai let's go help it
Vash
Vash, wait.
Nai
You, in the shadows over there. Who are you?
Nai
oh you're the doctor who treated me earlier
Vash
thank you for saving my life
Vash
No.
Nai
can we do something for you?
Vash
No need. We just need to defeat the guardian and rescue the plant.
Nai
We don't need any other instructions.
Nai
nai, we should at least listen to him
Vash
he's been standing here waiting for us all this time
Vash
Vash, you have not had a single good idea since we've woken up.
Nai
ahaha...
Vash
this time will be different! i promise
Vash
ok mister the elder, please give us more information
Vash
........
Vash
........
Nai
i hate it when you make that "i told you so" face :(
Vash
I'm the older brother. It's my right to do that.
Nai
whatever, let's just go
Vash
Heh.
Nai
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We're here, Vash.
Nai
Vash?
Nai
one... moment...
Vash
why are there... so many hills...
Vash
how are you... completely fine...
Vash
I'm just built different.
Nai
it's not fair
Vash
you got all the good genetics
Vash
Don't blame your inability to create a good avatar on genetics.
Nai
You purposely turned the sliders all the way up on those pecs then?
??
You've been looking at my chest?
Nai
i didn't say that!
Vash
it was that guy over there!
Vash
Haven't seen you around here before
??
yeah we're from out of town
Vash
we're here to fight the guardian and save the plant
Vash
right, nai?
Vash
...
Vash
nai?
Vash
So you haven't been looking at my chest?
Nai
what?
Vash
What?
Nai
Heh
??
Well, if you're looking for the guardian you've found him
??
it's you?
Vash
Sure thing
??
You aren't the first ones who've made it here
??
But no one's ever made it past me
??
we don't have to fight
Vash
we're just here to help the plant and then we'll be off
Vash
we won't disturb you
Vash
Sorry Spikey, a job's a job
??
My minimum wage hinges on being able to protect this plant from intruders
??
but we don't mean any harm
Vash
love & peace is our motto
Nai
A JOB? Who do you think you are?
Filthy humans. How dare you use the plants for your own benefit?
Nai
Seems like little bro over there disagrees
he's the big brother, actually!
You're imprisoning the plants under the guise of protecting them.
Nai
Vermin like you are destroying the planet.
Nai
Really? He gives off the spoiled younger child vibe
heh, a little
Vash, help me destroy him.
Nai
my stick broke though
Vash
i don't have another weapon
Vash
Use your skills.
Nai
ok
Vash
Ouch
Wolfwood
I almost felt that one
Wolfwood
...
Vash
any other ideas, nai?
Vash
Fine. I'll handle this myself.
Nai
...is your skills menu just "stab" four times?
Vash
nai? maybe we should try talking this out first-
Vash
Heh. It's on.
You can't be the only one having fun.
Wolfwood
is that a machine gun under your cross.
Vash
Watch this
Wolfwood
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Are you insane?
Nai
Why would you fire a machine gun at close range?
Nai
Pot meet kettle
Wolfwood
You literally threw a thousand knives
Wolfwood
A million, actually.
Nai
That's even worse
Wolfwood
Where's Vash?
Nai
over here!
Vash
are you two done
Vash
What's that next to you?
Nai
the plant
Vash
i revived it!
Vash
Well I'll be damned, you actually did
Wolfwood
How did you do it?
Wolfwood
the soothe ability worked
Vash
i guess it only affects plants and not humans
Vash
we can take this, right?
Vash
It's all yours
Wolfwood
My contract says nothing about what happens after the plant is healed
Wolfwood
yay :D
Vash
but how do we carry it?
Vash
Just shove it in your inventory or something
Wolfwood
It'll survive
Wolfwood
what about you?
Vash
What about me?
Wolfwood
what are you gonna do from now on?
Vash
I don't know
Wolfwood
Wander around, do some odd jobs maybe
Wolfwood
wanna come with us?
Vash
No.
come on, nai
Vash
we can't just leave him here
Vash
Yes we can.
Nai
well i said yes and you said no
Vash
so he has the final say
Vash
Vash, we are one. We must have the same opinion.
Nai
We're two halves of the same whole.
Nai
YOU ONLY SAY THAT WHEN YOU WANT TO EAT MY DONUTS
Vash
Heh. I appreciate the offer, but nah
Wolfwood
I'm a lone wolf. Parties aren't my style
Wolfwood
are you sure? not even for a little bit?
Vash
No offense but I'd rather just take care of myself
Wolfwood
I don't need any baggage weighing me down
Wolfwood
Maybe we'll meet again, maybe we won't. Try not to die out there
Wolfwood
Seeya
Wolfwood
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hi again :D
Vash
Wow you're pathetic.
Nai
Talked all that shit just to come crawling back four hours later.
Nai
Shut up and hand me the water
Wolfwood
Wolfwood has joined the party!
Are you sure you want to do this?
It'll be dangerous.
Yes. I have to, no matter what.
I won't let Nai die.