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It’s Alhaitham’s 26th birthday. Celebrating it with most of the people he knew was entertaining. Aether and Lumine, Dehya, Nilou, Dunyarzard, Cyno, Tighnari, Faruzan, and even his annoying roommate Kaveh. They all came to celebrate him .
Why did he want them all to leave? It was supposed to be a fun day where everyone could forget about their duties and celebrate their beloved friend but Alhaitham hated it. Today was the day. The day he planned to kill himself. He’d been looking forward to the day for more than five years. Why were they fucking this up for him?
He felt a tap on his shoulder, pushing him out of his self-deprecating thoughts. He could see Kaveh’s lips moving, but he couldn’t hear anything. That’s right. He turned his hearing aids off.
"It’s too loud, I don’t want to turn them on." Alhaitham signed to his roommate who quickly understood and signed back. "That’s fine, but is everything okay? You seem out of it."
"Perfectly fine."
"If you say so, but it’s your birthday, make the most of it alright Haitham?" Kaveh signed with a soft smile on his face.
"I will. You should probably go check on Tighnari, he looks like he’s about to throw up all over your favorite dishes."
Kaveh quickly turned around and started sprint-walking in Tighnari’s direction. Alhaitham smiled a little before bringing his attention to everyone else.
Aether and Lumine were playing video games on their Nindento’s while Faruzan watched them,
Dehya, Dunyarzard, and Nilou were by the lake with drinks in their hands, while Kaveh and Cyno tried to sober Tighnari up before he threw up in the water.
Despite the joyous atmosphere and happy faces all around, he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of grief. Everyone seemed so happy, but his mind felt so torn. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be feeling. He didn’t want to be outside and everything felt so overwhelming.
The scholar almost felt tears prick his eyes. No. He couldn’t cry and bring everyone’s mood down. He looked up at the night sky, forcing the tears back. He couldn’t do this anymore. Their apartment wasn’t that far from the lake. That was it. He was going to kill himself.
Alhaitham got up and walked over to Kaveh, tapping him on his shoulder. The blonde looked back, his gaze softening when he realized who it was.
"Need something?"
"I’m going back home, I’m tired."
“C’mon, at least stay for the fireworks!”
“I can see them from the balcony Kaveh, it isn’t special.”
“Fine, whatever. Sleep well Haitham.”
“I will. Goodbye, Kaveh.”
“See you later!”
Kaveh watched his roommate walk off into the distance with an unnerving feeling in his gut. Why did he say ‘ Goodbye ’ and not ‘ See you later ’? He was pushed out of his thoughts when he heard a yell.
“SOMEONE COME HELP LUMINE WITH THE FIREWORKS BEFORE SHE GETS US ALL ARRESTED!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP AETHER I CAN LIGHT FIREWORKS!”
Kaveh sighed before walking over to the arguing twins. His worry for Alhaitham would have to wait for now.
Alhaitham opened the apartment door, took his jacket off, and placed it on the coat hanger. He slowly took his shoes off, then his hearing aids, only being left in a tight black shirt and trousers.
Slowly, he walked over to the balcony right in front of the dining room, pushing the sliding door open and moving the curtains out of the way. His friends looked like tiny ants from this view.
A part of him didn’t want to die. A part of him wanted someone to burst through the door and hug him. Even though he wouldn’t hear it, tell him everything was going to be okay, even though he knew they weren’t. But another part of him knew he deserved it. He knew his grandmother wouldn’t want him to do something like this but he couldn’t care. He was so tired of everything, he just needed to escape. Self-harming wasn’t helping anymore. He was so, so tired.
Life didn’t seem to have any more meaning. He saw the world in grey and every day felt like a blur. Someone who lives like that doesn’t deserve to live at all, do they?
A bright light caused him to look up. Through glossy eyes, sharp bombs of color exploded in the sky. They were so beautiful. He knew it was time. A cinematic ending for someone as disgusting as him.
Kaveh helped Dehya bring all the fireworks out of the bag, wiping a bead of sweat off his eyebrow while Dehya looked like she just lifted a stray cat. Seriously, how strong was she?
“Woo! Let’s get this party started!” Nilou exclaimed, watching as Faruzan got the trajectory, trying to make it set off in a way that it wouldn’t affect anyone nearby, or possibly get them all arrested.
“Wait, Kaveh could you go get my Genius Invocation TCG cards? I left them on the table by the door.” Cyno asked, now holding a cup of water instead of wine.
“Oh while you’re at it, can you get my camera? It’s where Cyno’s cards are.” Faruzan asked, pushing her glasses further up her nose bridge.
Kaveh sighed. The things he does for his friends… “Yes Cyno, Faruzan.”
“Tut tut tut, that’s Madam Faruzan!”
“And it’s Cyno the Adventurer.”
The blonde playfully waved them off, chuckling at how silly his friends were. “Yes, Madam Faruzan, Cyno the Adventurer.”
He hurried to his (Alhaitham’s) apartment jumping two stairs at a time to get there faster. Without him, everything would probably go to shit. Nilou and Dunyarzard were responsible ladies, yes, but around the twins, anyone could become chaotic. His mind wandered to how off-putting Alhaitham acted during his party. Kaveh knew for a fact that it wasn’t because he was outside, and he said the number of people wasn’t too much. Kaveh purposefully invited people who he knew Alhaitham was comfortable being around. Even people as chaotic as the twins, or as corny as Cyno.
The male opened the door, spotting the TCG cards and Faruzan’s signature camera. His roommate’s hearing aids were also here when he normally left them in his room… weird. He was about to walk back out when he saw a bright light.
“Haitham wasn’t kidding, you really can see the fireworks from here…” He mumbled to himself. Kaveh’s heart dropped when he saw Alhaitham climbing on the edge of the balcony.
Instantly, he placed the items back down inching closer. He had to be seeing things right? There’s no way Alhaitham was standing on the edge of the balcony. Right ?
“Haitham? Haitham what are you doing?!” Kaveh yelled as if his roommate could hear him.
A purple firework. One leg on.
He was. Fuck, he was standing on the balcony. Kaveh started sprinting closer to the balcony door, accidentally hitting his abdomen with the edge of a chair, causing him to fall.
A pastel yellow firework. Two legs on.
“Haitham! Fuck, Haitham get down from there! Please!”
A green firework. Alhaitham was gone.
Kaveh held on for dear life, his tears falling onto Alhaitham’s tear-stained cheek. “Haitham hold on okay? I’m going to save you alright?.”
Alhaitham was speechless, as he watched Kaveh desperately try to save him. He read his lips to the best of his abilities, the water in his eyes only made it harder. "Hold on… save you."
He was going to… save him? His heart broke when he saw Kaveh’s expression, normally ecstatic and cheery, filled with anxiety, heavy tears falling onto his cheek.
Maybe that was when it clicked.
He didn’t want to die.
He just wanted to feel loved.
He needed someone to show that he was cared for.
He couldn’t leave Kaveh.
He couldn’t leave the people he loved.
His friends. Cyno, Tighnari, Dehya, Nilou, Faruzan, Aether, Lumine, and even though he didn’t know her well, he considered Dunyarzard a friend too.
Hesitantly, he put his other arm on a ledge, trying to pull himself up as well. He knew he was fairly built, and even though Kaveh could hold his own, there was no way he could do it alone.
Kaveh’s shoes held on to the roughness of the bricks, using the hand he was previously using to hold himself to pull Alhaitham up. He didn’t have enough strength to do it with one hand.
He needed Alhaitham alive.
How else was he supposed to confess
‘Lesser lord Kusanali please help me.’
‘I promise I’ll stop running away from my feelings for him.’
‘I’ll start being honest about my discomforts.’
‘I’ll do anything, just please, don’t let Haitham die here.’
Kaveh’s body shifted higher over the railing as Alhaitham got closer. He’d die if he kept pulling, he knew, but he wasn’t going to give up. He would rather die trying to save him than let go.
He valued Alhaitham so much. His beautiful eyes, his nonchalant attitude, how he cuddles with the stuffed lion he gifted him on his 25th birthday, his endearing smile– he loved everything about Alhaitham.
The blonde let out a muffled grunt when the scholar got his other hand onto the railing and let out a surprised gasp when he felt himself slipping off the balcony.
He wasn’t even scared.
If Alhaitham was okay, that was what mattered.
Who cares if he was going to die?
At least Alhaitham would live.
“I’m sorry Kaveh…” He heard the other's broken voice say, maintaining a strong grip on his wrist so he wouldn’t fall. Kaveh let out a strangled noise. He wasn’t used to hearing Alhaitham speak and he knew the other didn’t like it since it always strained his vocal cords.
Alhaitham held onto Kaveh’s wrist and the railing at the same time. Praying to whatever Archon that was listening that neither of them would fall. This was all his fault.
Stupid Alhaitham who was close to dropping his best friend.
Stupid Alhaitham who couldn’t do anything right.
Stupid fucking Alhaitham who screwed up his own suicide.
Stupid Alhaitham for falling in love with someone he knew he couldn’t have.
Stupid Alhaitham who was stupidly in love with Kaveh.
He pulled Kaveh up with all his strength. Not caring about how his entire body throbbed, obviously in pain. Kaveh needed him; and after what he just went through trying to save the pathetic excuse of someone in a Haravatat Darshan, he wasn’t going to let measly body aches falter his grip
He’s close Alhaitham. Don’t let up.
Both males let out a deep sigh when they fell on the floor. Safe.
Immediately, Alhaitham started crying again. He just felt so overwhelmed. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he wasn’t supposed to be alive. Everything hurt, his body, his mind, and most of all–his heart.
“Kaveh… I’m–”
“Shh… It’s going to be okay Haitham. Everything’s going to be okay.” Kaveh softly whispered, pulling the male into his chest and slowly brushing his hair.
Kaveh knew he could never understand what Alhaitham went through, or what was happening to him that would push him to the point of wanting to commit suicide, but he didn’t care.
He was alive.
The one he’s loved for years was alive.
And honestly…?
He couldn’t be any happier.
Alhaitham cried more that night than he ever had in his life. Kaveh’s touch, the way the words he spoke vibrated on his chest, the comforting fingers in his hair, everything felt perfect.
He wanted to stay like this forever.
Always in Kaveh’s touch.
His breath hitched when Kaveh pulled him back slowly, his tears staining his white shirt.
“I love you, Alhaitham. I have for years, and I know this is a horrible time to tell you, but I couldn’t stand seeing you like that. You’re incredible, and if you died somehow without me ever having the chance to confess, I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself.” Kaveh signed a sad laugh leaving his lips.
Alhaitham was speechless. He wasn’t joking, right? It was horrible timing, yes, but it seemed so perfect at the same time.
“I–” He stopped himself. Maybe this was something he should say out loud. Kaveh started to panic. It was horrible timing, what the hell was he thinking? Confessing to someone after they tried to commit suicide? Come on Kaveh, use your brain for once!
“I love you too… Kaveh.” He spoke in an easily recognizable deaf accent which bothered most people, but not Kaveh. Hearing Alhaitham’s voice was something he wasn’t able to be blessed with. He only ever spoke during important occasions.
Realizing that, red spread on Kaveh’s face. Hesitantly lifting his hands to sign something he’d wanted to for the longest time, the tears in both of their eyes long gone.
“Alhaitham… Can– can I kiss you?”
The other looked away for a split second and Kaveh could swear to Lesser Lord Kusanali that he was blushing.
“Yes, but… It’s my first.”
A small smile formed on Kaveh’s lips, crawling so he could hover over the other. He lifted his left arm and grazed his thumb over Alhaitham’s perfect lips (his right was in too much pain from being held on for so long but Haitham didn’t need to know that) .
Just as he was about to lean in, the door burst open, Cyno and Tighnari staring at the other two in shock.
“Oh!”
“Are we interrupting something?”
“HA! I KNEW THEY WERE DATING! COUGH UP MY MONEY AETHER.”
“DAMN IT! WHY IS EVERYONE AROUND US GAY?”
“DON’T SAY IT LIKE YOU AREN’T TOO! I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT–”
“LALALA SHUT UP.”
Kaveh sighed, pressing a soft peck on Alhaitham’s cheek before standing up, and offering the other a helping hand. Alhaitham took it, a small but hesitant smile on his face.
“So, when did it happen you two?” Cyno signed, dropping the stuff they used on the dining table.
“None of your business. I’d like to ask when you and Tighnari got together.”
“WHAT?” Tighnari exclaimed, after realizing what they were talking about. He wasn’t as good at signing as Kaveh or Cyno, but he understood it well.
Alhaitham watched as his friends teased each other about their relationships. It wasn’t suffocating like last time, seeing so many people he cared about made him feel warm inside.
Before he knew it, he started crying again.
“Haitham? Hey, look at me what happened?” Kaveh signed, worried that he got overstimulated again.
The other male shook his head and signed to the best of his abilities. “They’re happy tears. I’m… I’m happy that I got to spend my birthday with everyone.” He chuckled softly, wiping his tears for the umpteenth time that night.
Everyone stared in shock. Alhaitham wasn’t known for expressing his feelings and definitely wasn’t known for crying.
The twins laughed obnoxiously, handing the birthday boy some tissues. “It’s alright Mr. Haitham! We love you too right guys?”
Everyone nodded in agreement, warm smiles on their faces as they crowded around him, encasing him in a tight hug.
Kaveh smiled, looking at how happy his boyfriend (hopefully they were dating. They liked each other, that had to be how being in a relationship worked right?) looked. He didn’t even look uncomfortable, despite his great distaste for physical touch.
Alhaitham always had a silent voice, but sometimes, words don’t need to be spoken to convey someone’s true feelings.