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From the moment Buck woke up he knew that it was going to be that kind of day. He woke up only to immediately shut his eyes again because of the pain the sunlight caused. As he rolled over, burying his head in the pillow, he felt his head start to throb. It also felt like it weighed a ton. Of course he had woken up with a migraine. He didn’t get them as often as he used to, but when he did get them they were bad. The last one he had kept him in bed all day, only getting up to go to the bathroom, whether it be to pee or get sick.
All things considered, he should call out of work and he knew the team would understand, but he felt like he would be letting them down if he did. Of course, he wouldn’t be and anything that happened on call wouldn’t be his fault, but that didn’t stop the thoughts that plagued his mind. Key phrases, both from his childhood and his adulthood, always found their way to the forefront and forced him to push through pain. He didn’t want to be exhausting . This is why, after keeping his head buried for a few minutes, trying to will some of the pain to go away, he threw the covers off of himself and trudged to the bathroom. He turned the lights on with a wince and squinted, going into his medicine cabinet and grabbing the medication he took. After taking his meds he closed his eyes and braced against the sink, taking deep breaths to try and keep himself from fainting or getting sick.
“Once these meds kick in, you’ll be fine…” he whispered to himself, willing himself to open his eyes and get through the rest of his morning routine. He slowly made his way to the shower, turning the water on and waiting for it to warm up. While he waited he grabbed his towel and a change of clothes, something easy for him to change in and out of so he didn’t have to bend over too much. Then he took a quick shower, really just standing under the hot water as he leaned against the wall. He also said a quick prayer, to a god he doesn’t really believe in, that he could get through the day without any issues. Once he got out of the shower and got dressed he checked his phone. He was running a few minutes behind but he would still make it to work in time. There was a moment where he thought about ordering an Uber or calling someone to come pick up, but his insecurities made the moment short-lived. He slipped a pair of sneakers on, grabbed his keys and wallet, and rushed out the door, trying to ignore the dizzy spell that came over him as he did.
His drive to the firehouse was a lot quieter than his drives normally were. He would normally listen to music, while practically performing along with them, or be on the phone with someone, but today he just couldn’t stand the noise. As he drove the pain got better, his meds kicking in, but he was still sensitive to sound and light. That would make the day great…with him being a firefighter and all. He pulled up to the station and just sat in his Jeep for a few minutes with his eyes closed and his head leaned back. He hadn’t even noticed how long he had been sitting there until he heard a tap on his window. At the sound, Buck jumped and winced, looking over to see Bobby at his door, concern etched on his face. Buck turned the car off and opened the door, biting back a groan at the throbbing of his head.
“You ok, kid?” Bobby asked, noting how Buck was uncharacteristically quiet and moving a lot slower than he normally did. The lack of color on his face didn’t ease any of his concern either.
“Yeah, just a little tired. I ended up falling down a rabbit hole last night. Speaking of, did you know 1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue?” Buck hoped that throwing in a random fact he had learned a few days before would be enough to convince Bobby, or at least make it to where his captain wouldn’t push the issue.
“I did not, but I’ll keep that in mind. Are you sure you’re just tired? You’re looking a little pale. Do I need to get Hen?” Bobby asked, his mind supplying ‘Or Athena?” since he knew the police sergeant would drag Buck’s ass home in the back of her cruiser if he was feeling unwell. Judging by the look of the blonde in front of him, he was thinking about calling her either way.
“Cap, I’m fine, really. Once I get a cup, or two, of coffee in me I’ll be good!” Buck claps Bobby on the shoulder before walking inside the station, going to the locker room. Once he got into the locker room he realized he forgot his bag on his couch. Cursing under his breath he opened his locker and sighed in relief when he saw a uniform in there. He was starting to change when Eddie walked in, having already gotten his shirt off and going to take off the sweats he had put on. Bending over and a migraine, however, didn’t play nice together and he was met with the dull throbbing increasing tenfold. The firefighter let out a wince, bringing one hand up to brace himself on the lockers while the other clutched his head.
“Woah, Buck! You ok? What’s going on?” Eddie was by his side in an instant, wrapping an arm around Buck and lowering him gently onto the bench. After Buck was situated on the bench the medic kneeled in front of him, moving the younger man’s hand away from his head so he could try and see what the problem was. Running his eyes over him while carding his hands through the blonde curls, looking for any injuries he didn’t miss how Buck wouldn’t look at him. He didn’t see any injuries on the rest of Buck’s body or feel anything on his head, which eased his concern in that regard, but that only made him wonder what was actually going on.
“Earth to Buck? What’s going on, man?” The veteran asked gently, putting a hand on the blonde’s knee as he sat back on his heels.
Buck had been staring at the floor the entire time Eddie was checking him for injuries, more embarrassed that he had been “caught” than anything. He didn’t want Eddie to notice anything and then have Bobby send him home before his shift even started. When he heard Eddie call his name again he blinked rapidly and looked up at him for the first time since he had walked over. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, and that was both from embarrassment and the way Eddie was treating him. That soft, concerned look in his eyes that was only reserved for certain people and the way he was checking him for injuries, like he was something to be treated with care. That paired with the migraine was almost too much.
“I’m fine Eds, just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. You know how I am when I get on those research binges,” he chuckled, giving Eddie a smile that was obviously forced. It was always hard to lie to Eddie because of how well the two knew each other, but it was even harder with Eddie looking at him like that.
Eddie wasn’t convinced, raising his eyebrow at Buck. There was a part of him that urged to push the issue further, but he decided against it. He knew something was wrong, but he also knew that pushing Buck to talk about it wasn’t going to solve anything. If anything, it would probably force him to shut down more.
“If you say so, but you know you can come to any of us if you need something, right?”
The question caused a lump to form in Buck’s throat, but he refused to let any tears well up in his eyes. Logically, he knew he could. Nothing the team had done had ever made him feel like he couldn’t, but he still felt like he had to do everything on his own. He was the protector, he had to take care of himself.
“Yeah, I know. Now let me finish getting dressed! I can’t fight fires in just a pair of old sweatpants,” He pushed himself off of the bench and went to finish getting changed. There was a part of him, the part being his head, that wanted to tell Eddie the truth and let someone take care of him. That part didn’t get what it wanted, obviously, because within a minute Buck was changed and heading upstairs.
Eddie was still changing as Buck rushed out, sitting on the bench and tying up his boots. To say he was worried was an understatement and he would be keeping a close eye on his best friend throughout their shift, and would employ Bobby to do the same. Once his boots were tied he put his civvy shoes back in his locker and shut the door, also shutting the door to Buck’s locker since he’d forgotten. After that he headed upstairs and went straight for Bobby who was in the kitchen, making them all breakfast.
“Hey Cap, you mind if I ask you about something?” Bobby looked confused, but turned his head to look at Eddie anyway.
“Not at all Eddie, what’s on your mind?”
“Have you noticed anything off about Buck? I came into the locker room to see him hunched over and clutching his head. I didn’t see or feel any injuries, but he’s also acting…distant.”
Bobby sighed and turned the burner off, the bacon he had been cooking being finished anyways. He turned around and looked across the loft at his youngest team member who was laughing while joking when Hen. To anyone else it would look like nothing was wrong, but he knew Buck better than that.
“Yeah, I noticed it when he got here. He was just sitting in his car for a good 10 minutes. I asked him if everything was alright and he told me he just hadn’t slept. Told me he fell down one of his research rabbit holes then told me a fact about lobsters,” the captain let out a short laugh because that was…well, it was Buck. The man always had random facts about any topic you could imagine and didn’t hesitate to share them with anyone. It was part of his charm, and also part of what tipped Bobby off. Buck never stopped at just one fun fact, he always had a list of them to share.
“That’s what he told me too, but I’m not buying it. Would you mind just helping me keep an eye on him today? I would ask if he could be the man behind, but I know that won’t go over well,” Eddie said with a smile, looking over at Buck as well. Even while he joked with Hen, the two probably teasing Chimney about something, it was obvious something was bothering him. He would find out what it was and he would help because that’s what family does.
“Of course, now go grab them and set the table. Breakfast is almost ready.”
“Yes Sir!” Eddie walked over to the group and smiled as he heard Buck laugh, albeit a lot quieter than he normally did.
“How have you never seen Friends, Buck? It’s one of the best TV shows of all time!” Chimney exclaimed, looking thoroughly offended and missing the flinch from Buck.
“Chim, it’s not that big of a deal. I just didn’t watch a lot of TV growing up,” Buck rolled his eyes and then noticed Eddie, giving him a smile.
“C’mon y’all, breakfast is almost ready, and I’ll get Buck to watch Friends. My sisters are astonished I still haven’t seen it,” Eddie chuckled, his eyes not leaving Buck. His eyes asked the silent question of ‘are you ok?’ and all he got was a nod in return as Buck stood up to make his way to the table.
“I’m surrounded by uncultured swines!” Chimney shouted as he walked by Buck and Eddie, making Buck wince loudly and Eddie shoot Chim a deadly glare.
“Hey, are you sure you’re ok? I’m sure Bobby can find someone to cover you for today,” Eddie said softly, putting a hand on Buck’s shoulder.
“I’m fine Eds, I promise. He was just really loud,” the taller man laughed, patting Eddie on the back and going to sit down. As soon as they all sat down the alarm went off, causing everyone to groan. It also caused Buck to squeeze his eyes shut and grip the table tightly. It was going to be a long ass day for him. They all put on their and climbed into the engine, listening to Bobby as he called out the information for the call. As they pulled up to the scene they saw a multi-car pile up.
“Chim, Hen, you start triaging patients! If they’re walking and talking they can wait! Buckley, Diaz, start looking to see if we need to do any extractions!” Bobby ordered before radioing dispatch that they needed backup units and they needed them fast.
They had been at the pile-up for about 2 hours when Buck and Eddie were hit with a strong smell of gas. The pair rushed over to the car to see it flipped over with gas leaking everywhere.
“Cap!! We need you, now!” Eddie shouted, crouching down to assess what exactly they were dealing with. He checked the driver’s pulse and let out a breath of relief when he felt the thrumming beneath his fingers. Then he grabbed a pack of smelling salts and waved them under her nose, thankful that they woke up as he did it.
“What the hell?” The driver groggily asked, having not taken in their surroundings. Once they did, they started to panic and thrash around, only to be held down by Buck.
“Hey, if you stay still then everything will be fine. We’re going to get you out of here, ok? We just have to be careful about it,” It was then that Bobby showed up, his eyes widening at the scene.
“Well saws and jaws are a no go. How do we want to do this?” Bobby asked, looking between the boys.
“Are you hurt anywhere?” Buck asked the driver, keeping his voice even and collected.
“Except for my arm, no. I’m able to move everything and nothing is numb.”
“Ok, perfect. Are we able to just maneuver them out? Or do you want to wait for Hen and Chim?”
“They should be fine to move, and we don’t really have the time to wait for someone else. Let’s do this,” Eddie said as he grabbed a seatbelt cutter, nodding to Buck to tell him to get ready to catch the driver.
“My partner is going to cut your seatbelt and you’re going to fall into me, ok? I’ll help you get out of here,” the driver nodded and braced for the fall, letting out a short gasp as they fell into Buck’s arms. With only a few twists and turns the driver was out with nothing other than a broken arm. Bobby walked the driver over to where the rest of the victims were waiting to be treated and Buck and Eddie were left by themselves. Eddie turned to Buck to congratulate him, only to see him collapse to the ground.
“Buck!” Eddie shouted, wrapping his arms around his partner and lowering him to the ground. At the shout Bobby ran back over with a look of panic on his face. Hen and Chim weren’t too far behind him.
“What happened?!” Hen asked, kneeling beside Eddie and opening Buck’s turnout to start checking for injuries.
“I knew something was wrong this morning! I shouldn’t have just let it go!” Eddie said through gritted teeth as he kept his eyes on Buck, hating seeing the man he had grown so attached to limp against the pavement.
“Eddie!” that caused Eddie’s gaze to snap up to Hen. “None of this is your fault, now what happened?”
“I don’t know, we had just finished extracting someone when he collapsed.”
“Ok, well he doesn’t have any injuries, but I’m gonna send him with another team to the ER to be sure. I want to go with him, but we’re needed here,” Hen sighed, waving her hand to call another paramedic over.
Eddie stood up as they loaded Buck onto a stretcher and went to follow them when a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned his head to find his captain was the one to stop him.
“I want to go with him as much as you do, but we still have work to do,” Bobby squeezed Eddie’s shoulder before walking away.
Eddie just stood there for a moment, feeling like a piece of his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Then, he did what was expected, he went back to work.
Buck knew that today was going to be bad, but he hadn’t expected it to be ‘wake up in the hospital’ bad.
He groaned as he opened his eyes and let out a whimper, though he would deny it to his grave, at the bright LED lights. Then the lights were turned off and he opened his eyes again, looking around the room to see that Eddie had been the one to turn the lights off. Normally, he’d be happy to see Eddie, but he was in the hospital and Eddie didn’t look happy with him.
“How you feelin’?” Eddie asked, sitting back down beside Buck’s bed and brushing a stray hair out of the younger man’s face.
“Why are you here Eddie? Aren’t you still on shift?” Buck huffed, ignoring Eddie’s question and blushing as he felt Eddie brush his hair out of his face. He fidgeted with the blanket and moved his eyes down to his lap, not wanting to see the potential anger or disappointment on his partner’s face.
There was a flash of anger that took over Eddie’s face, if only for a brief moment. It wasn’t at Buck, never at Buck, but at the fact that there was some part of him that believed Eddie would choose work over him. He made himself take a deep breath and then gently took Buck’s chin between his fingers, tilting the man’s head up to meet his eyes. When Buck’s eyes did meet Eddie's, all Buck saw was unshed tears and…fear.
“Buck, there is nowhere else I need or want to be right now. I needed to see with my own eyes that you were alright because you scared us, you scared me today. When I saw you being wheeled away I felt like a piece of me was being taken,” Eddie confessed, his eyes not leaving Buck’s for a single moment.
Buck’s breath hitched and he bit his lip as he tried not to let any tears fall. He looked away from Eddie until he felt a tap on his cheek, which was Eddie’s way of telling him to look back. The look of concern and adoration on Eddie’s face was enough to cause the tears to spill over, no matter how much Buck didn’t want them to.
“You can’t mean that, there’s no way I’m that important to you…” Buck whispered, leaning into Eddie’s touch as the brown eyed man cupped Buck’s face between his hands.
“I mean every word, Evan. You have become a staple in my life, I don’t know what I would do without you. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like less than that. You are the reason I have the family I do today, and you make the hard days a million times easier. So don’t you dare do something like this again, okay? I’m being selfish and asking that you stop putting one of the people I love in danger,” Eddie had tears streaming down his face as he finished and he pulled Buck into a hug, burying his face in golden curls as Buck tucked his face into his neck.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would get this bad. I just didn’t want to cause any issues with my problems,” Buck whispered, almost so quietly that Eddie didn’t hear him. Eddie did though, and it caused a pang of guilt to shoot through his chest.
“Buck, cariño, look at me,” Eddie pleaded, pulling back from the hug and tucking his hand back under Buck’s chin when he made no move to look at him.
“I never fully apologized for what I said that day, and I should have. I never should have said that to you because I don’t believe it myself. You are the most selfless, brave, kind person I have ever met. I should have never made you think otherwise. I will do whatever I can to make up for that and make sure that you realize just how much you mean to me and all of us,” he said gently, pressing a light kiss to Buck’s forehead.
Buck just nodded and swiped at his cheeks to wipe away his tears. Then he let out a yawn and laid back down against the pillows.
“Thank you Eddie, you mean a lot to me too,” Buck mumbled, already half asleep.
“Don’t thank me yet, Athena’s on her way,” Eddie said with a laugh, that laugh only getting louder as Buck’s eyes shot open and a look of panic took over his face.