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“Nico?” Will asked gently.
“Yeah?” The Italian son of Hades asked quietly from where his head was buried in the son of Apollos' shoulder.
“Should we… talk about it?”
It had been two weeks since the two had finally arrived back at camp. Two weeks of resting, two weeks of relaxing, two weeks of healing. And yet, a tension hung between the two. Not a thick tension, nothing horrible, but they needed to discuss it.
To say Tartarus had been hell would be an understatement as well as a joke. Will had never considered just how bad being in the Underworld would be for a child of Apollo, but Tartarus… even the memory of it made him shiver. It had been worse than he could have possibly imagined… It was ineffable. He had never felt so low, so lost, so helpless. In a way, he never wanted to discuss it, he just wanted to forget, but he couldn’t. Tartarus had helped him grow, and despite his hatred for the place, he was grateful for the growth.
Nico sighed slightly sitting up, clearly slightly miffed that he had been forced to move from his position, but the look in the son of Hades’ eyes was clear, the boy knew they needed to talk about it. Their relationship had grown, even since Tartarus and everything they had been through, it had never been better, but this was a hurdle they needed to get over.
A hurdle that would make them even closer.
“We should… it will help.” The dark haired boy said after a few moments of silence.
“Yeah.” Will responded awkwardly.
Silence fell between the two, neither of them really wanted to break it, but it was necessary, they needed to.Will looked at Nico and knew he was thinking about how his discussions with Dionysus had helped. Nico was really growing and coming to understand he could not hide his emotions, he needed to feel them, he had to be willing to open himself up to people.
Finally, Will opened his mouth.
“I know that in Tartarus… and Gods, even in the Underworld, I was… I wasn’t great. I was biased, and I’m working on it-”
“It’s okay Will, and I know. You’ve been better… since…” Nico said, cutting his boyfriend off.
“I know, but I want to explain. Will you let me?”
“Of course.”
Will leaned over and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand. The son of Hades’ hand was cold, and for a moment he rubbed them between his warm ones before he let their hands lay still, entwined together.
“This might seem obvious, but I’m a healer and my job in a way is to keep people out of the Underworld. For years, internally, the Underworld has been my enemy, and I couldn’t stop feeling like that, even though I didn’t know that was how I felt. Do you get what I mean?”
Nico hummed.
“And I know that there’s nothing wrong with the Underworld, but I’ve been biased, and I didn’t even know it, not really. The Underworld has always felt so… daunting to me. Whenever someone I love has died… Lee… Michael… everyone… in a roundabout way I blamed the Underworld. I even had to save you from the Underworld before, when you nearly turned into shadow and in a way I blamed the Underworld.”
Nico opened his mouth, but let it fall closed again when he saw the look on Will’s face.
“I know it’s not the Underworld’s fault, I know that is just how life is sometimes, although you do still have to be careful with your powers, but… I don’t know. I wasn’t aware how much of a hold the bitterness had on me, and I took it out on you, and on your Fathers realm. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay Will, it’s okay.”
“It’s not… it’s really not, but I’m working on it. I do see the beauty of the Underworld, it first hit me in Persephone’s garden, but even as we ventured further, I saw more and more of it. I saw the darkness and it was beautiful. I was wrong, Gods was I wrong. And I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay Sunshine.”
“It’s not, but if you’ll forgive me, I’ll show you how much I know I messed up.”
“Will, it’s okay, truly it is. Of course I forgive you, and it’s evident… it is so evident that you’re trying, and I appreciate it. I’ll be honest, it hurt me that you didn’t appreciate the Underworld as I did, that you didn’t see the beauty in it, but I get it. For years you’ve worked so hard to try and keep people out of it, and I should have known it wouldn’t be as easy for you, especially you. In a way your light contradicts it.”
Will leant forward, using the hand that wasn’t holding Nico’s to carefully cup the slightly smaller boy's cheek in his hand, using his thumb to gently trace the new scars on his face. He hadn’t been wrong when he said he thought they were cute… although perhaps cute was a bit of an understatement.
“We all have darkness within us Nico, even me, I just… I just didn’t realise it I guess.”
Nico leaned into Will’s hand, his eyes falling closed as he took a moment to just enjoy the warmth and pure love and light radiating from his boyfriend.
“It’s okay Will, it’s okay.”
The two fell silent for a few moments, the tension relieved slightly from the air, but there was still more to talk about. They knew they wouldn’t be able to discuss everything, not today, but they had started, and they had made progress.
“You know, I never really understood the Underworld, but I do now. Sure I don’t want people to go there before their time-”
“Of course not, you’d be a pretty shit medic if you did.”
The son of Apollo poked his boyfriend playfully.
“Hey, you know that’s not what I meant.”
“Yeah, I know.” Nico said thoughtfully.
“I guess you understood the Underworld before I did.”
“I’m a son of Hades… it would be kind of worrying if I didn’t.”
“Damn it Nico.”
The son of Hades merely smirked.
Will couldn’t help it, and he moved forward gently, looking into Nico’s eyes for permission, before kissing him gently. The son of Hades immediately pressed his lips back hard against his boyfriends, matching Will’s energy perfectly.
The two gently laid down together, Nico wrapped in Will’s arms, a position the Italian seemed thrilled to be back in.
“Can… Can I ask about Octavian?” Nico asked after a few minutes, and it was clear the boy had been trying to build up to it.
Will bit his lip but nodded.
“Go ahead.”
“What you said… when we were on the Acheron, did you mean it? Do you think I’m a murderer because of what I did to Octavian?”
“No Nico, I don’t. Truthfully… I know we couldn’t have stopped him if that hadn't happened, and I don’t blame you, I could have just as easily told him his robe was tangled in the onager, I had just as much opportunity… but I didn’t. I never blamed you for his, but even despite this, I still blamed myself. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him, but in a way, I do… you know?”
“I blame myself too, you know? I should have told him, and I wanted to, but when I saw my Father when I was shadow travelling with the Athena Parthanos, he told me that some lives cannot be saved. At the time I wasn’t sure what he meant, but at that moment, I knew. He was telling me we couldn’t save Octavian, his death could not be prevented. I knew it at that moment, and while I still know it now… well I still do feel guilty.”
For a second the son of Hades thought about Bryce Lawrence, but he pushed the horrid thought away. He wasn’t going to mention that.
“I never blamed you Nico, never. Tartarus and the Acheron, they were messing with my head. Everything was so… confusing.”
“Yeah, Tartarus would do that.”
Will moved impossibly closer, and pressed his lips to Nico’s.
“It’s okay.” He murmured as he pulled away.
Nico looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, and he knew. They didn’t need words, the message was clear. They couldn’t stop each other from feeling guilty, meaningless platitudes would do nothing, no assurance could ease the feeling of guilt on their conscience, but they knew, and they understood. They were both responsible in a way, but in the same way they both weren’t. Letting Octavian launch himself off the onager had saved many lives, even if their inaction had ended one.
“Can I say something?” Will asked again after a few minutes.
“Hmm?” Nico asked, and Will could tell the boy was tired, they were still healing, and the amount of power Nico had used… well it was not surprising he was still exhausted.
“It can wait… rest Nico.”
Nico shuffled slightly. He knew whatever his boyfriend was going to say would be more important.
“Tell me Will.” He gently demanded.
“When we put into those nightmares… I know what you were dreaming off, what you were thinking-”
“Most of it.” Nico said softly.
“Most of it?”
Nico shuffled slightly so he could feel the coin in his pocket pressing against his leg slightly.
“There’s only one other thing…my dreams… I thought about how you looked at Paolo’s arms, and then I thought of myself, and I don’t compare… not even close.” Nico admitted reluctantly.
Will shifted so he was holding his boyfriend’s face in his hands, slightly tight, but comfortable.
“Nico di Angelo, you are the most stunning person I’ve ever met. You’re beautiful, you’re hot, you’re… you’re my perfect match. I didn’t realise that you felt so… worried about how I viewed you, but you need to know. You are beautiful, you’re all I will ever want.”
Nico sniffled as tears pooled in his eyes, a few leaking out before he could stop them.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me Love, it is the truth.”
“But still… thank you.”
Will just leant forward and kissed his boyfriend, before pulling back, leaving Nico blushing ever so slightly.
“What about you? What were you going to say?” Nico asked, his hands lifting slightly to run through Will’s hair.
“It’s similar really. It was insecurity. Insecurity about my powers, why someone so powerful would even want to be with me, why anyone would want to be around someone as useless as me. That and the worry about my ability to heal people.”
Nico sat up slightly abruptly, his hands tugging Will’s hair accidentally.
“Shit, sorry.”
“It’s okay Nico, it’s okay.”
“Still,” he said, before taking a deep breath. “Will, Gods, I don’t even know where to start. First off, you’re not useless, far, far from it. The amount of people who wouldn’t be here without you. There’s so many people that would be dead if it weren’t for you. Annabeth, Harley, Jake Mason… me.”
“Nico.” Will murmured softly.
“Will you are the most talented healer this camp has ever seen. Your passion to help and heal, it’s amazing. Anyone would be lucky to even know you, I’m lucky to get to love you. You’re not useless, not by a long shot. You are amazing. I am so lucky that I get to love you.”
“I’m lucky to get to love you.” Will whispered back, tears unashamedly streaming down his face.
With a slight frenzied passion, the two simultaneously leaped at each other, their lips crashing together with both brute force and passion.
“The world is so lucky you’re here.” Nico whispered against Will’s lips.
“The same goes for you.” Will whispered back.
“In a way, I’m beginning to understand that.”
“Good.” Will whispered before crushing his mouth back to his boyfriends.
“Good.”
As the two kissed, their kisses becoming slower as exhaustion came to take them, they both felt lighter, and their relationship felt stronger, and somewhere, far away Aphrodite smiled.