Work Text:
Jesper was tired. Tired of everything. He had lived many years now in pure bliss with the love of his life and it had been better than he could have ever imagined. But the weight of being Grisha began to fall on him all too soon. And it started with his Da.
He should've gone to Novyi Zem more. Visited more, spent more time with him, taken Wylan so they could've gotten to know each other. Instead he stayed in Ketterdam, focusing too much on a business empire that could've taken care of itself what with all the staff he and Wylan had hired and relishing in the private and peaceful life that he'd made for himself. His Da would've told him that there was nothing wrong with that, that it was completely fair for Jesper to want to stay with Wylan in their home and do nothing more than spend time with each other. But Jesper couldn't help but feel selfish. The whole journey to Novyi Zem he hated himself, despite Wylan's sweet words in his ears saying that he couldn't have done anything to change it, and that they visited more than enough. Jesper had simply stared at him with a defeated look.
Wylan didn't let go of his hand the entire funeral. The bright Zemini sun shone the whole day, just like his Da would've wanted, but Jesper felt cold. He shook the whole day, his nerves, with tears, with anger. It wasn't fair. He was never supposed to be alone. His Mama was supposed to still be here with him, even if his Da passed. But they were both gone. He went into his house and where he used to just feel pain for his Mama, it had doubled. Wylan found him later on that evening hunched over on the floor next to the cherry blossom tree, sobbing violently and screaming up at the sky. His hands were planted in the ground, fingers digging into the dirt and as he shouted, the colour from the grass around him faded, leaving him sitting in a patch of grey. Wylan collapsed down next to him and held him tight, rocking him back and forth slowly, shushing him as Jesper fell against his chest, drained from using his powers so hard and with so much emotion.
"It's okay." Wylan whispered.
"No." Jesper croaked. "It's not."
That sat saying nothing for a bit, only Jesper's ragged breaths filling the silence before Wylan said,
"You're right. It isn't."
The next time they couldn't even have a proper burial.
Jesper and Wylan had been sitting in their living room together when they found out; Wylan playing softly on the piano and Jesper re-reading some book that he'd pulled off the shelf just to pass the time. Once upon a time quiet moments like these would've quickly developed into the two of them running upstairs to shed each other of their clothes and spend their precious hours alone together. But since the years had gone by they had felt less inclined to do that at any given moment, and more than happy to sit in each other's company and enjoying the peace. That was until there was a brutal knock at their door like someone was trying to bash it down. Jesper stood up to get it, grabbing the revolvers that sat by the door just in case, but opened it only to find a broken and disheveled looking Kaz Brekker. It was raining outside and he was drenched through, not wearing a coat or a hat, barely balancing on his cane and pale in the face. Jesper caught him as he stumbled into the house and just managed to kicked the door closed as he practically carried him into the living room and set him down on the sofa.
"Ghezen, Kaz," Wylan stood up from the piano and crouched down in front of him. It had been a fair while since they'd seen him, so for him to show up out of the blue and in this state, there had to be something wrong. "What happened?"
"Inej." He choked out. "She's- She's- Inej..." Kaz crumbled and his head fell into his lap. Wylan covered his mouth with his hands and looked up at Jesper with wide eyes. Jesper just stared blankly at Kaz.
"How do you know?" He barely managed to get out.
"One of her crew. Sent a letter. She was saving a little girl from a slaver." Kaz's voice was rough, like he'd been screaming for hours. There was a high chance he had.
"Saints sake Inej." Jesper whispered, his voice shaking and eyes stinging. Wylan still hadn't said anything but he was shuddering below him. Jesper put a trembling hand on his shoulder and squeezed tight.
"They never found her. They can't even bring her body back."
Then Kaz broke in a way that neither of them had seen before. He sobbed. Jesper stood back a few paces, not sure what to do. Inej had always been the only person really able to touch Kaz and even then it had taken a long while for them to get to a place where they were able to be comfortable enough with each other. But he was shaking, his breath ragged and coming out in little bursts. They couldn't just leave him. Wylan reached up a hand, slowly, and touched Kaz's knee. He jerked for a moment at the contact, but relaxed and ever so slowly, laid his own hand on top of Wylan's.
"We'll do something for her. With Nina too. She wouldn't have wanted anything big anyway." Wylan said quietly. Kaz just about managed to nod before dissolving once more into cries.
It wasn't until Kaz left that Jesper left himself fall apart in front of Wylan.
After Inej was gone, Kaz got sloppy. He didn't care about his jobs as much, wasn't quiet or careful about things. He'd show up beaten, bruised and bloody on their doorstep at least twice a week. Jesper wasn't sure what it was; anger, despair or if he'd just truly given up. He'd tried on multiple occasions to try and knock some sense into him, even gone on a few jobs with him much to Wylan's dismay, but nothing worked. It didn't help that Kaz was getting older and his leg wasn't getting any better. He wasn't the same Dirtyhands that he used to be. People stopped taking him as seriously and things got messy. Fast.
"It's the middle of the night. I know we love him but doesn't he have anyone else he can go to when he's been mugged?" Wylan muttered, half asleep when there was a bang at the door, the third one that week. Jesper had been awake anyway; he usually stayed up pretty late now, always anticipating the possibility of a visit.
"You're only saying that because you're barely awake. Go back to sleep, I'll handle it." Jesper pressed a kiss to his head and slipped out of bed, pulling on some loose trousers and running downstairs. When he opened the door it was clear that Kaz had been leaning against it because he immediately fell on top of him, knocking them both to the ground. "Saints!"
He rolled Kaz off of him and gasped. His face was covered in blood, worse than he'd ever seen. His shirt was ripped open and there was slashes on his chest, as well as a gunshot wound on his shoulder. His cane was nowhere to be found, meaning that he'd hobbled all the way to the Geldstraat from Saints knows where on a bad leg with no support. His breathing was coming out weakly in wheezes and he looked at at Jesper with glassy eyes.
"Wylan!" Jesper shouted. "Wylan come quick!"
Kaz grabbed his arm and held it tight. Jesper gasped a little but then held onto Kaz's hand.
"Kaz. What the fuck happened?"
Kaz coughed in response, blood coming up as he did and splattering onto his chin. Jesper was trying desperately not to break down.
"Jordie. I missed you." Kaz muttered, the smallest smile tugging at his lips and his hand moving from Jesper's arm to touch his cheek softly. Then his body seized up with one last hacking cough and rough breath, before he went still, his arm flopping uselessly to the floor.
"Kaz?" Jesper squeaked. He shook Kaz's body, but nothing happened. No response.
No no no no no no no.
"Kaz!" Jesper screamed, falling over the body, willing to hear a heartbeat under his ear, but there was nothing. He raised his head to the ceiling and squeezed his eyes shut. "Fuck!"
Then he heard footsteps running down the stairs, a small gasp and someone's arms wrapping around him. Wylan.
"Jes, holy fuck, what- I don't understand." Wylan was babbling, saying so much so fast that Jesper couldn't keep up with. He could simply only stare down at Kaz's lifeless form.
His hair had just started to grey. There was wrinkles forming around his eyes and mouth and on his forehead. The age was showing. Perhaps that's why he was targeted. Then he saw himself a mirror across the room. He looked exactly the same as the day he had first met Kaz. The thought made rage bubble up inside him and he yelled, throwing his hand out. The glass of the mirror exploded and Wylan jumped. Jesper's chest heaved. His arm dropped over Kaz's chest and he collapsed down over the body.
They buried him next to Inej's memorial.
As the years went on Jesper tried to savour every single moment with Wylan as much as he could. Wylan was getting older. The greys in the hair became more prominent and the wrinkles for pronounced. Jesper still thought he was gorgeous of course but he had caught Wylan before, staring in the mirror and touching his face lightly, eyes glistening. He knew that Wylan hated the fact that he was aging and Jesper wasn't. Not in a vain way, but because he knew the inevitability of what was coming and wouldn't stop thinking about it, despite how many whispered conversations they had late into the night.
"Wylan please. I intend to have you for as long as I can. I won't leave you. Ever."
"Jes... I'm not getting any younger. I don't look the same and-"
"That doesn't matter to me. I fell in love with you when you had a different face. It's always been about who you are, not just what you look like."
The times where they would sit in the garden together, Wylan sketching slowly in his notebook while Jesper simply watched, taking in as much of his husband as he could reminded him of their time in Shu Han. Zoya had called Sankta Neyar foolish. But the Saint was right. Jesper was blindsided by love and Wylan was his universe. He always had been.
Nina came back when it happened. Held Jesper's hand during the ceremony because there was no one else there who could. Walked him home back to the mansion afterwards and stayed with him for a few months to fill the deadly silence that surrounded him without Wylan's presence. But she had to leave, she couldn't stay forever. And Jesper was left alone, surrounded by memories. He went into the art studio one morning, took one look around at the paintings and sketches, all done by Wylan over the years and screamed and yelled until his throat was raw and he was on his knees. Things shattered around him as his powers lost control and every pigment of colour from the art around him was drawn away. He eventually curled up on the floor and slept. When he woke the next morning, he went to the garden and collected flowers of every colour he could find. Jesper then spent hours painstakingly using his powers to return the pigment that he'd taken away to the art using the flowers they'd grown together.
It was a calming process, and every picture he turned to sparked more memories of Wylan in his head. Nights out watching Poppy's shows, keeping each other safe on jobs for Kaz, dinners with Marya, trips to Novyi Zem, intimate nights together in their room where the world seemed to melt away and it was just the two of them. He had never cried so much in his life, but it wasn't like the night before. It was peaceful. Healing.
When he was finally done, it was dark outside and he went into the garden to get some fresh air. He looked up at the clear night sky. Wylan always loved how away from the lights of the main city, the stars were so much brighter.
"Part of the night sky." Jesper whispered. "My universe."