Chapter Text
[TUCKER POV]
I just wanted to have a normal day at school. It was going completely normal, by that I mean, I got sent to the counselors office about 5 times a week. Which is once everyday. Sometimes maybe more. I don’t know how I ended up like this, I guess it was my lackey parents, especially my dad. My whole family has a ‘Don’t give any fucks.’ attitude. So maybe that’s where I got it from.
Where was I going with this? Right. I was having a perfectly normal day, then Stanley Marsh shows up. I hated that kid, anytime he or his stupid friends were around, they’d screw my life up for the worst. It already happened with Peru and I’m not letting it happen again. Unfortunately, I was too late to walk away this time.
Stanley runs up to Craig, while he does, he’s screaming Craig’s name in the middle of the hallway.
“Craig! Oh my god, Craig! Listen to me!”
“Listen to me, listen dude, this is gonna be awesome.”
Stanley takes off his hat revealing his swiftly swept left-and-right black hair. This description being important for what he was about to say.
“We both have black hair, right?”
“Yeah? What about it?”
Stanley yanks Craigs Blue Chullo hat,
”Hey!”
Stan shoved Craigs hat over himself, covering his eyes when trying to get all of his hair inside.
“Let’s switch hats! To trick people into thinking we’re eachother!”
Craig was stunned. How much of an idiot did Stan think Craig was to contribute to this stupid idea?
“Why the hell would I do that?”
“Because! It’ll be a good prank. And funny as hell, too!
You’ve always been a trouble-maker Craig, imagine the reactions! The sweet-sweet reactions!”
Stan was beaming with joy. Craig thought about it for a moment then finally caved, it could teach this school a lesson for putting him in so much counseling all the time.
“Fine, I’ll do it.”
Craig puts on the hat. It literally reeks.
“Do you even wash this? Jesus christ.”
Stanley put both his hands on Craigs shoulders.
“That doesn’t matter! Now, all we have to do is switch clothes and we’ll be all set!”
“This better be worth it. If it isn’t, you’re dead meat, Marsh.”
“Yeah, yeah, very funny. Now c’mon! We need to change before anyone notices us!”
They both rush to the bathroom, get in separate stalls, then toss eachothers clothes over the wall between them and got changed.
“Not only does your hat stink, but your clothes do too. How the hell does Kyle deal with you around all the time? It’s like a mix of alcohol and a trash can.”
Craig states this from his stall,
“At least i’m not a laundry-liking nerd like you.”
“Better than smelling like shit.”
“Whatever, man.”
Craig and Stanley finish changing, then step out.
“I’m definitely gonna smell like trash after a few hours.” Craig Said.
“Oh please, as if this is gonna even last that long.”
Craig turned around at the statement Stanley just said,
“You don’t even believe in your own prank? God, you’re dumb.”
“I’m doing this for the thrill, live a little.”
Stanley smiles at Craig.
All Craig could do was sigh, then walk away.
[The prank had officially begun.]
—
[TUCKER POV]
I thought this idea would be fun, somewhat. I get to act like a complete dick to Stans friends as payback, but I guess i’m always a dick to them. Maybe this time it’ll hurt more because they think it’s coming from a close friend.
Speaking of them, here they were behind me.
Kyle puts his hand on ‘Stanleys’ shoulder.
“Hey Stan! We were looking all over for you?”
Craig shot him a look, meaning ‘We?’
Kyle got the memo, and moved to the side, revealing Kenny there as well.
Kyle then took a closer look.
“Woah, dude! Did you grow your hair out? It looks longer and more sleek!”
“Mff Mpf Mffph!”
(You look gayer!)
Craig was panicking. His voice was very different from Stanley, it sounded like he got punched in the nose and it never recovered. He knew he couldn’t say anything without being found out immediately.
Kyle’s one of the smartest kids in their grade, in their class even, if not for Wendy Testaburger. But that didn’t matter. He needed to stay silent. Nobody breathes, moves, nothing, Craig keeps his mouth shut.
Kyle breaks the silence.
”Dude, you alright?”
Craig aggressively and dramatically coughs then tried to put on a voice, at least somewhat disguising his own.
“Ugh— Yeah! I’m good. I just- I have the flu. So my voice sounds really stuffy. It’s messing it up, swear on it.”
Kyle looked doubtful but dismissed it quickly.
“Okay.. Anyways, we were going to ask you to come over here, CARTMAN is trying to prove that standing too close to the TV actually doesn’t do anything to your eyes.”
He pouted.
“Which is obviously not true! My parents always stopped me from getting too close for that exact reason. Right, Kenny?”
“Mffph Mpfhhh Mf Mfppfhh Mfpph tfvvv-vffee mfph mf mffph mffh, mphf.”
(I never got the chance to watch up close for that long, before.)
Kyle just stares at Kenny, sighs, the continues;
“Well, if you did, you’d know he’s wrong. Maybe that’s why he’s so stupid. Because he watches mindless shit all the time.”
“Don’t you watch mindless shit with him? Terrance and Phillip, I mean. Red Racers way better.”
Kyle and Kenny stare at Craig. Look at eachother, then look back.
“Are you sure you have just a cold? Or did you hit your head or something? Or are you spending too much time with Craig, dude?”
Kyle sounded genuinely confused, and somewhat concerned.
“Mff mpfhh mppf? Mpff!.. Mf mpfh mpffh fmf?”
(Are you hooking up with him? Oh my god!… Is he cheating on Tweek with you?)
“What? No! Actually, nevermind. Let’s just go meet with Cartman already.”
Craig was extremely offended at Kennys assumption. But honestly, what did he expect? This was Stanley’s friend group and this was Kenneth Mccormick. He knew they were gonna be weirdos.
While the 3 are walking, Craig catches a glimpse at Stanley who’s at the other side of the hallway.
He can feel his blood boil when Tweek comes into the scene, clinging Stanley.
—
[MARSH POV]
This prank is going pretty well, to be honest! Also, Craigs clothes smell awesome. It’s pretty well known that he likes doing laundry, I wonder where he got that from. But anyway, if we can make it through the whole day like this, honestly, I’d be happy.
Then I saw the tweaked-out-klutz in my view. Yelling Craigs name.
Right. He thinks I’m Craig. And I gotta play the part! So I turn around and welcome him with open arms, (Not literally.)
Tweek runs up to ‘Craig’, screaming through the hallways.
“Craig! Craig!”
Stanley had to cough up his throat a little bit to imitate Craigs voice, it wasn’t that hard. Which he found convenient.
“Yes?—“
Shit. Petnames. Stanley forgot Tweek and Craig were dating.
“—…HHHoney..?”
“ARGH!— The president made even more tweets! I’m gonna die! They’re—ngh—They’re gonna get me, Craig!”
Tweek was probably too caught up in his thoughts to figure out how weird ‘Craig’ was acting. His first instinct was to hold his hand while continuing to worry.
Back on the other side, Craig was standing there, clenching his fists, glaring directly at Stanley and Tweek.
Kyle and Kenny took note of this, looking at eachother again.
“Stanley Marsh… I swear to god.”
Craig said under his breath.
Kyle whispered to Kenny.
“Why does he suddenly care so much about Craig and Tweeks love life?”
“Mmffm mfphh mf fmmf mfp mff mfmmf mfm mfphhh pmf pfmm.”
(Maybe because he wants to be like that with you.)
Kenny chuckles then nudged Kyles shoulder,
Kyle scoffed in response.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”
Kyle grabbed Craigs arm then dragged him away.
“C’mon, it’s fine to meet up with fatass.”
Craig didn’t keep his eyes off Stanley and Tweek. If that black haired-blue eyed fucker does so as much as get too close to him he’s dropping this whole prank immediately.
But for now he just calmed down and went with Kyle and Kenny to see Cartman.
—
[TUCKER POV]
Of course, I knew Cartman was right. I was curious about it one day and found out there’s no actual proof that bright lights from TV screens hurt your eyes. But I just sat there and walked with them.
If Stan has to deal with this everyday; Cartman and Kyle fighting about something, Cartman being right and Kyle freaking out to the point of beating Cartman physically, then I somewhat feel bad.
But at the same time, I don’t. I really don’t.