Chapter Text
Phoenix P.O.V
I hung my head in shame and felt my arms wrap around me as they did when I was seeking comfort or trying to protect myself. I closed my optics in silent self-reproach. There were many things I could tolerate but Prime's disappointment was not one of them. The thought I had let him down gnawed at my spark. His approval was something I had been desperate to earn from almost the first instant I had met him.
''Phoenix?'' I heard Optimus' tentative enquiry.
I cycled deeply and forced myself to look him in the optics. ''I'm sorry Prime, truly I am. I would never want to hurt any of my fellow Autobots in that way and I never want to let any of them down, especially you.'' I unwrapped my arms from about myself and stood tall as I fixed him with a determined stare. ''You have my word that I shall do my utmost to honour you and the Autobot cause. I shall bear in mind what Ironhide, Jazz and you have told me today and I thank you for your honest advice and feedback. I won't let you down again.''
Optimus smiled at me and at that point he did reach out to me to clasp my shoulder gently. ''Of that I have no doubt Phoenix, but it is yourself you should strive not to let down. Be true to yourself, the rest will flow from that.''
For a moment Prime seemed to gaze off as though lost in his own thoughts before he once again fixed me with a small smile and optics bright with emotion. ''Phoenix, I am proud of the way you have embraced all the changes in your life. Your powers, your new form, life as a Transformer. You have met every challenge head on and gone from strength to strength – almost literally!'' His servo moved to my cheek and brushed it gently sending fire once again coursing through me.
It was just the two of us alone in the hanger and this intimate contact was something that I had missed. During the past two years we had rarely found ourselves alone. At first it seemed as though Optimus, after ''that'' night in the Med Bay and outside Autobot quarters, had withdrawn from me again. He had limited his time around me and the once easy comradery and sense of closeness we had enjoyed, seemed to slip away for a while as we navigated this change in our dynamic, in our ''friendship.''
Although I was hurt by it at first, a part of me was also glad about it as it gave me a chance to sort through my own grief over the loss of Chase and my own feelings towards Optimus, which I knew were changing and deepening ,but I didn't want to dwell on that too much. He was ''The Prime'' after all and someone such as I could not possibly hope to gain the attention of a mech such as he beyond that of mere friendship. I would settle for that anyway. As long as he was in my life in some capacity, that's all that mattered.
We had also been distracted by the business of everyday life, new arrivals and I had to learn quickly how to become a Transformer in case Megatron decided to attack again. That meant constant drills and training. Basic anatomy and history lessons. I was essentially a student back in school except my teachers were giant sentient robots from another planet!
Optimus and I would still share some precious moments on our little beach of an evening every now and then, gazing at the stars and talking. Sharing frustrations or concerns or just simply sitting in silence enjoying each other's company. It was moments such as those that I looked forward to and longed for without realising how much.
And now this.
The simple act of his servo on my cheek, being alone with him in close proximity like this, reawakened feelings I had tried to ignore and dismiss. My spark seemed to pulse rapidly and I cycled air quickly through my intakes. His optics seemed to stare right through me. It felt as though any moment he might ''see'' what I was feeling. /And what's wrong with that?/, I silently challenged myself.
I tried to centre and focus myself as I returned his gaze. My helm came to just below the top of his windscreens on his chest. While he was still taller than me in this mode, there was not as much of a difference between us now as there had been when I was a human, so I was able to look into his optics with greater ease. A fact that was both unnerving and wonderful. For a moment neither of us spoke, relishing this re-established connection between us. I leant into his touch, ''I have missed this''. The words were out before I could stop them.
Prime closed his optics momentarily too. ''As have I Phoenix.'' He opened his optics again and gave a wry smile, ''the gift of your becoming a Transformer gave us a chance to be ''closer'' but it has also seen to us being apart more often.'' I nodded in agreeance, my optics not leaving his. ''I have tried to give you space to adapt to all of the changes in your life, and you know the demands placed upon a Prime better than most.'' He too gave a protracted ''sigh'' of sorts. ''I guess that hasn't left a lot of time for – our ''friendship''.
Optimus had seemed to search for the right word for a moment to define what there was between us. ''I miss it. I miss spending time with you every day.'' He brushed my cheek again and took a small step closer towards me. My spark skipped a pulse and I raised one servo to place on his arm.
My voice sounded a little unsteady as I spoke again as a range of emotions tore through me. ''Optimus. You and I know better than most not to take the time we have with those we care about for granted. Life is precious and, although I guess my life span is now significantly increased, a long life is not promised to anyone.'' I closed my optics tight as I felt the wave of remembered pain at losing Optimus wash over me.
After a moment I opened my optics again. ''Something we both have experienced and witnessed firsthand.'' I gave him a sad smile, which he returned.
Once again, I closed my optics for a moment as I felt a fresh wave of pain wash over me as I recalled memories of Chase. While it had been over two years since I had lost the man I never got to marry, I still ached when I thought of him and what we lost. ''I was robbed of a chance to spend a life with Chase as you were with Elita. I wish things could have been different for us both on that count but there was nothing we could do to change that.'' I removed my servo from his cheek and stepped up to wrap my arms about his chest, he embraced me and held me tight.
The comforting touch felt so good.
For a moment I simply stood there in his arms as I thought carefully about my next words. I looked up into his optics. ''Optimus. I care a great deal for you, more than I do for anyone else.'' Azure optics shone brightly, and he held me closer for a moment. ''We were lucky enough to get you back after you died because of the Matrix and Sam's steadfast belief, which I am eternally grateful for. But who knows what will happen next time. Who knows if something might happen to me?''
I raised my servo to his cheek. ''Perhaps… perhaps we both need to make the effort to spend more time with each other?''
Optimus visibly flinched at that comment and pulled me nearer. I continued. ''Let's make a promise to each other right now, that we will make the effort to spend more time with each other. Deal?'' I looked expectantly and hopefully into his optics.
Prime continued to stare at me for a moment. ''Phoenix I could not agree more with just about every sentiment you expressed. How do you manage to seemingly reach into my processor and pluck the very thoughts from there?'' He shook his helm slowly and gave a soft chuckle as he once again brushed my cheek. ''Phoenix I would love…''
There was the sound of the large metallic door to the hanger sliding open and we barely had enough time to step apart before Rachet, Jazz and Dino walked in.
Optimus shot me a slightly exasperated and apologetic look and I gave him a quick smile before he schooled his features to address his teammates. As they all approached, I wondered quietly to myself, /JUST about every sentiment? Does that mean he disagrees with something I said? I wonder what that could be?/.
''Rachet, Jazz, Dino. To what do we owe the pleasure?'' Prime greeted them all in a pleasant manner. He really was masterful at masking his emotions. ''I can see you have been repaired already Jazz, swift work Rachet.''
''Nothing swift about it. It was mainly superficial, and you have been absent for some time Prime.'' Rachet gave both Prime and I a knowing smile. ''I had thought you may have come to the Med Bay yourself, but I see you have been otherwise – engaged.'' Jazz also had a smile on his faceplates and Dino looked quizzically between us all.
I looked at the floor momentarily, suddenly very interested in the scorch mark I left from earlier today. Optimus did not miss a beat as he responded to Rachet. ''Yes, I have been. I was talking to Phoenix about her training session earlier today and the mishap that lead to said injury and her seeming loss of control.'' He shuttered his optics and placed his servos on his hips. ''I have been impressing upon her the importance of being able to control one's feelings and not let them consume you as they can impair your judgement.''
Jazz spoke up as he sauntered towards us a funny grin on his face as he looked between Rachet and Optimus. ''Oh I don't know Prime, sometimes I think it is very important to lose control of ya feelings and let everyone know exactly how ya feel.'' He shot both Prime and I a very pointed look as he came to stand before us, folding his arms across his chest. ''Bottling up ya emotions and feelings, especially deep feelings,'' Jazz gave me a wink which Optimus bristled at, ''can actually impair ya judgement even more as ya can't think straight.'' Jazz turned to Rachet, ''Wouldn't ya agree Doc?''
Rachet now stood before us with Dino off to his left. ''You might have a point there Jazz. In humans the release of the chemical serotonin produces a feeling of….''
''THANK YOU Rachet and Jazz for your – opinions.'' Optimus interrupted swiftly. ''Is there a point to your visit, or are you merely here to bestow your wisdom upon us?'' He folded his arms over his chest and stood authoritatively before them.
Rachet and Jazz shot each other a quick look before Jazz spoke again. ''Well actually, there is Prime. I await ya orders regardin' tha sortie with Bumblebee an' tha others ta tha illegal nuclear facility. We're ready ta roll out followin' final briefing. Also, Que patched in a call from NASA base. Seems tha Wreckers, in particular Roadbuster, an' that Director of National Intelligence, ya know tha one who now oversees tha plans executed by tha fighting NEST Autobots?'' Jazz seemed to have forgotten her name despite her seeming importance.
''You mean Ms Charlotte Mearing?'' Optimus supplied the name.
Jazz clicked his metallic digits in recollection. ''Yeah, that's her! Well, they seem ta be clashin' pretty bad at tha moment over tha Xanthium an' certain base regulations an' rules. I'll let you fill in tha blanks regardin' Roadbuster's comments.'' Jazz's visor flashed with humour and a smile spread on his dermas. ''Ya might need ta go ''do ya thang'' an' diffuse tha tickin' timebomb with your abilities as tha ''Royal Primeness''.
I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing, quickly covering my dermas with a servo when Prime shot me a slightly disapproving glare. After a split second I removed my servo and spoke up. ''Oh, come on Optimus! That was pretty funny! Lighten up.'' While I respected Prime greatly, I would not be intimidated by him.
Jazz walked over to me and placed an arm about my waist, pulling me close for a moment. ''See, Phoenix here appreciates a sense of humour.'' He squeezed me tight again which earned him a withering glare from Prime who tensed up slightly at the site of Jazz with his arm around my waist.
Jazz noticed it, though did nothing to alleviate his Commander's apparent upset. In fact, he encouraged it. /What is he up to?/. Not wanting to antagonise Optimus any further, I stepped out of Jazz's arm and moved to stand beside Prime. He visibly relaxed and shot Jazz what could only be described as a ''gloating'' smirk as he sifted his weight, so he was that little bit closer to me.
Rachet and Jazz once again gave each other a fleeting look before Rachet spoke up, ''And while you are attending to that issue, Phoenix needs to accompany me back to the Med Bay so I can assess any minor damage to her and check her vitals to ensure she is 100% fit for duty.'' I felt myself stifle a groan. I had a newfound appreciation for Prime's dislike of the Med Bay. /How had he put up with it for millions of years?/.
Dino spoke up for the first time, ''Ahh mi scusi signorina Phoenix, Ironhide has requested that you accompany me to the firing range after your assessment witha Rachet for weapons practice and assessment.'' Dino's Italian accent, although in keeping with being a red Ferrari 458 Italia, still seemed somewhat bizarre that a sentient life form from another planet would have such an accent in the first place. However, it was no less charming, and I loved to hear him speak.
I smiled warmly at Dino. ''Of course Dino, no worries.'' In comparison my Australian accent seemed – less cultured - for want of a better term. While it was not as ''thick'' as it had been when I first arrived in the States over 13 years ago, there was no mistaking my country of origin. I had always been a proud Australian, hanging onto my cultural identity. Now though, I wondered exactly what I was? Was I an Australian Autobot, an Australian Cybertronian, An American/Australian Autobot or quite simply a Transformer, formerly a human of Earth, who had sided with the Autobots and happened to have a slightly Australian accent? I shook my helm slightly to rid myself of the inane thoughts. /Who gives a shit you bloody idiot! Focus!/.
Optimus gave an audible sigh. ''Alright, I guess we had all be heading off to see to our respective businesses. Jazz, as for your mission, Major Lennox and I'll transmit exact coordinates of the site once you are airborne. Essentially, you and the others are there to assist in ensuring the facility ceases operation. Discretion is essential as is minimal damage and loss of life. Exercise extreme caution and diplomacy in assisting with our human allies on this mission.'' Jazz gave a small nod but did not seem to move off just yet. ''Report back to me when complete.''
Prime ignored him and turned to Rachet and Dino. ''Rachet, I expect a full report on the extent of Phoenix's injuries and her health status.''
Rachet nodded. ''Of course Prime.''
''Dino,'' Optimus turned to face the Ferrari. ''Please relay to Ironhide that I would also like a full report on the success of Phoenix's weapons assessment and if any further weapons upgrades are granted.''
Dino gave a slight bow of his helm. ''Of course Prime, consider it done.''
He then turned to face me, and I awaited his orders. ''Phoenix, have fun at the doctors and the firing range.'' He gave me a small smile.
I raised an optical ridge at him and folded my arms across my chest. ''What? No report for me to complete for you?''
Optimus gave me a dead pan stare. ''If you feel the need, then by all means, report away Phoenix. I would look forward to reading it.'' There was a teasing tone to his voice. He then ex-vented deeply and, taking a quick glance at us all, spoke once more. ''Alright, best of luck with your respective endeavours or activities. If I am needed, I shall be in Hanger 1.'' With that Prime nodded his helm at everyone, his optics lingering on mine for a brief moment, before he headed towards the door. /So much for spending time with each other/, I thought morosely to myself.
I sighed out loud, ''Alright Doc, let's get this over with.'' I started to walk towards the hanger door, silently following Prime's retreating form. I took the opportunity to appreciate his powerful figure from this angle. /I hate to see you go, but baby I love watching you leave – isn't that the stupid saying?/. I stifled a laugh as I processed the puerile thought.
''In a minute Phoenix.'' I paused in my retreat and, as Optimus had now left the hanger, returned my attention to Rachet and the others. ''I just want to do a final check over Jazz before he departs momentarily to ensure all his systems are fully functional. You head over now, and I'll meet you there shortly. Dino, you might accompany her?''
''It would be my pleasure, Signorina Phoenix, after you,'' Dino gestured towards the door, his aggressive looking blades on his forearms in stark contrast to his polite nature.
''Fine,'' I eyed them suspiciously and almost told Rachet I was not going anywhere but thought better of it. ''Let's go Dino,'' and I continued towards the door Prime had just exited from, Dino right behind me.
The last thing I heard as I walked out of audial shot was snippets of a very conspiratorial whispered conversation between the Prime's second in command and his chief medic that seemed to be centred around Optimus himself and someone else. I couldn't quite work it out. I mentally shrugged. /Nothing to do with me I guess/, and I continued walking towards the Med Bay.