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They're not dating, he tells himself, but he remembers to add "yet." But it lingers between them, neither one of them sure on what to call it except Kaveh, who can't help but desperately want to put a name on it but fails to do so.
It had been a few days since Kaveh got back from a commission that was in Inazuma, AlHaitham having waited for him at Port Ormos, going so far as to rent a room at a nearby inn so he wouldn't miss being able to greet the blonde back home, even if it meant that it took him far longer to get to work. His words were, "What are they going to do to me? Make me resign?" It made Kaveh laugh, the words echoing ones Tighnari had said once upon a time.
But now it was AlHaitham's time to leave, sagely duties and all that. Since he was going to be gone for a few days, they decided to go out for dinner. Kaveh barely touched his wine; anxiety curled in his belly, and the thing in his pocket seemed to burn a hole against his thigh.
See, while in Inazuma, he may or may not have been convinced to buy a good luck charm that would ensure the recipient would have a safe trip there, that nothing would happen, and that they would arrive home safely.
Given what happened to his father, Kaveh was always hesitant to step foot in the desert and was always anxious and scared when it came to those he cared for.
Cyno was probably the only one he knew who knew how the desert worked, but Kaveh even worried about him. But never himself.
It would be quite fitting if he were honest. Like father, like son.
AlHaitham could easily pick up on how Kaveh was feeling, noticing the wine had barely been touched and Kaveh spending more time poking and prodding the food than eating it.
"Kaveh," AlHaitham said, watching Kaveh's head snap up, embarrassment creeping up his neck as he realised he'd been caught. "Let's go home."
"But—" Kaveh protested. They'd barely even been there an hour, but AlHaitham wants to go home already?
"If you're not enjoying yourself, there's no point in staying. I wanted it to be something you'd remember before I left."
Kaveh felt the words die in his throat at that, his cheeks burning again.
"It's okay." AlHaitham said, taking Kaveh's hand in his and making sure to link their fingers together as they stepped outside.
Kaveh was quiet the entire time, his heart aching and his mind wandering. He wanted to ask so many things, but all of the questions died on his tongue.
Once they were at home, Kaveh couldn't help but linger, his vulnerability clear. "Haitham," he started, his gaze downcast as he counted the tiles in the room inside his head.
He heard AlHaitham turn, the scribe knowing that the blonde needed time to gather his thoughts. Kaveh lifted his head again, staring into AlHaitham's eyes, searching for something before he stepped up to the other, strong arms wrapping around his slender form as Kaveh pressed his forehead against AlHaitham's shoulder. "What are we, Haitham?"
"What do you mean?"
Kaveh took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was just AlHaitham. The scent of his shampoo, old books, and coffee, a swirl of many things combined together.
AlHaitham was the one constant in his life; he was the reason why Kaveh was comfortable calling this place home. It was somewhere they both existed, a space they shared together. Happy, sad, and bitter—an amalgamation of memories combined to make it a proper home.
"What are we? We're not just friends; obviously not enemies; maybe lovers. I feel like I need to put a title on it or things will fall down around me and I'll lose my grip on everything."
AlHaitham sighed, rubbing a hand down Kaveh's back and up again. He knew he should have talked to Kaveh about this, but they'd just fallen together so naturally that it didn't cross his mind.
"Kaveh, I didn't want to put a name to it because I didn't want you to feel cornered; I didn't want you to feel as if you had to make yourself into something you weren't just to please me, just to feel like you belonged in this relationship." AlHaitham held Kaveh tighter, doing his best to comfort the other. "I want you to know that no matter what we call it, I'm yours, and I'll always come back to you." AlHaitham pulled back, hand cupping Kaveh's cheek and wiping away a stray tear that escaped.
"You're my home, Haitham. Nowhere else feels like home without you. I was worried that you wouldn't want me to say we were together or anything."
"Would it make you feel better if you could call me your husband?" AlHaitham asked, making Kaveh let out a laugh.
"But we're not married!" But then he saw the serious look on AlHaitham's face, and he felt his breath catch in his throat.
"I was hoping to do this after I came back, but I suppose now is as appropriate a time as ever."
While AlHaitham didn't get down on one knee and pull out a box, he did remove Kaveh's left glove before taking out a simple-looking box from his pocket.
Kaveh was trembling now, tears flowing freely, his breath stuttering in his throat. It made him recant the tales his mother told him.
Little Kaveh asking how his mama and papa met, and his mother giving a wistful sigh as a blush crept on her face as she told him he'd gotten down on one knee in the middle of the grand bazaar, proclaimed his love for her, and proposed. Obviously, she said yes. But he remembered how she told him that it was just in his father's nature to be like that and that when the moment comes, trust your heart since it's the most honest part of you.
Not all romance has to involve grand, over-the-top gestures. There's a quiet side to romance. And this quiet half was AlHaitham, how it was little quiet moments. Kisses under the sunlight, dinners, and drinks together. Making each other's favorite dishes and making sure to take care of each other no matter what.
Small gestures that meant so much.
Things that made it a home.
AlHaitham offered the box to Kaveh, whose shaky hands opened it up and made fresh tears flow. It was the ring his father had proposed to his mother with, the one she'd twist and turn while staring out the window, waiting for a ghost of a man to come home.
Kaveh was sobbing by now. He knew how precious it was to his mother, and while he knew it meant she may have finally moved on, it also meant that she was giving them her blessing—that she wanted him to be happy. He scrubbed at his eyes, grief and joy warring inside him.
"Kaveh?" Came AlHaitham's soft voice breaking him out of his spiral.
"Sorry you have to see me like this; I'm such an ugly crier." He tells AlHaitham as he scrubs the heels of his hands across his face and eyes, and AlHaitham simply kissed the top of his head. "Even when you cry, you're beautiful."
Kaveh scoffed, with a slight chuckle coming from him. "How... how did you even get her ring anyway?"
"I went to Fontaine and got it. I felt it was a necessary step. Although I did not entirely plan on obtaining the ring."
"When did you even go to Fontaine? I could have sworn you were here all the time."
"Do you remember that big project you had in Liyue? That's when I went. I knew I'd be able to make it back before you. Again, I had planned this out differently."
"But why? Why go through so much for someone like me?"
All AlHaitham did was smile and lift the hand with no glove to his lips. "Because I love you, Kaveh. I hound you about those things that bother you because I know you can achieve them. Why would I not want to go to the ends of the earth to make the person I love happy, to make sure I can secure their happiness? You don't have to say yes; I just want you to know and understand the depth of what I feel for you."
The tears started a new, a fresh wave of them that cascaded down Kaveh's face. "You—You can't just say something so romantic like that and expect me to not say anything. So stupid for thinking I wouldn't say yes." Kaveh tried to hide his face from the other behind his arms, the small box held tightly in his grip.
AlHaitham just gathered the blonde in his arms as he wept. "She asked how you were doing," he murmured. "She's proud of you, proud that you represent Kshahrewar so well. I didn't tell her you went bankrupt or homeless, but she could tell I was leaving things out." Kaveh's shoulders shuddered as he finally, finally let himself grieve. For the father he lost and the mother he lost. The family that had been abandoned. And through the tears, the sobs that wracked his body, leaving him lip in AlHaitham's embrace, even when AlHaitham had moved them to the divian, pitiful whimpers slipping out. The entire time, AlHaitham only left his side to get water, knowing that Kaveh's head would be aching.
He didn't say anything to Kaveh—not a single word was spoken between them—but simply held the other, placing soft kisses on the now dishevelled mop of blonde hair until Kaveh was reduced to mere sniffles and silent tears, AlHaitham snagging the water and bringing it to the other. "Drink." He said as he tipped the glass towards Kaveh's lips.
AlHaitham recalled the conversation he had with her and how surprised she'd been to see him on her doorstep while her husband was out working and her children were out playing. "May I help you?"
AlHaitham stood there a bit awkwardly. It was so obvious that she was Kaveh's mother; they shared the same hair and almost the same face, but Kaveh's features were a little softer, and his eyes were that beautiful carmine red instead of the green that stared at him.
"You are... Kaveh's mother, yes?" Why did AlHaitham decide this was a good idea to come here while Kaveh was away in Liyue? AlHaitham saw her features soften, seeing something in him that no one else did before she stepped aside to welcome him into her home. "I am."
The house was warm, while it was cold outside. It smelled like baked goods—cookies and apple pie—with the sweet scent of cinnamon and sugar wafting about. "I take it you have something to talk to me about my son?" She moved into the kitchen, pouring him a cup of tea to ward off the chill that would often creep into one's bones during this time of year, especially if one was acclimated to the warm climate that blessed Sumeru.
He mumbled a "thank you", taking the seat she offered to him as she simply sat there and sipped her own tea.
"I do hope he's doing well for himself. I haven't heard from him for so long, and I know he's always been headstrong and idealistic, much like I was when I was that young." A chuckle slipped past her lips and behind the rim of her cup, her eyes slightly sadder than earlier. "I hope he's happy with whatever it is he's doing. You must be very close to him if you came all the way here to talk to me unannounced."
"We're certainly close," he started, doing his best to find words that would put praise on the blonde male. "He's not known as the light of Kshahrewar for nothing. He is struggling a little bit since he built what he deems his "magnum opus", but it doesn't stop him from cluttering up the space with blueprints all over the place."
"That's good to hear. I know he and I did not part on the best of terms; he tried to hide it from me, and I do feel ashamed with myself since it does feel like I abandoned him. He was a fine young man, but still a child in the ways that should have mattered."
"He wanted you to be happy." AlHaitham stared down at the dark liquid in his cup, "He knew what staying was doing to you, so he felt that it would be selfish for him to ask you to stay somewhere just for him when it was something that was hurting you."
She sighed, setting her now-empty cup aside. "That may be true, but he was so vulnerable, and I let my own grief consume me. I'm sure he's told you enough for you to grasp the situation we were in, but as his mother, I should have been more aware."
"It's in the past now, and I am not here for you to ask me to have Kaveh forgive you. It's not my place to pass forgiveness on to you."
A small chuckle escaped her before she stood, retreating to another room and leaving AlHaitham alone. Logically, he understood both of them. He was able to understand both of their stances in a logical way, but given his feelings for the architect, it was hard to forgive a woman who had abandoned her only remaining family.
While he had been quite young when he'd lost his own parents, he couldn't imagine how his grandmother must have felt when his parents must have inevitably perished. But in spite of that, she never once left him feeling like he had to carry the emotional baggage she must have been carrying—the sheer grief of losing a loved one.
AlHaitham glanced up, broken from his musings, when the woman returned with a small box in hand. "I'm well aware that I cannot possibly make up for my failures, nor do I expect anyone to forgive me for forgetting that there were people who needed me." She sat again across from AlHaitham before she sat the box down between them. "I'm glad that I held onto this for so long. I may have moved past my grief, but there's still a part of me that will forever love my late husband." She gestured to the box, silently asking. "A part of me knew that I couldn't ever part with this until the time was right." AlHaitham opened it up, staring at the magnificent ring before him. "It was the ring that his father gave me when he proposed in the middle of the grand bazaar."
"Are you sure?" AlHaitham asked, opening the box to reveal a dazzling golden band with two bright gems inlet that reminded him of how Kaveh's eyes looked when he was happy and smiling, when the sunlight hit his face just right.
"Yes. I'm sure. It's time I move on, after all."
"Thank you."
"Please, do your best to make sure he's happy."
And that was it. A simple exchange of words and a mother's understanding.
So here he was, the blonde now dozing in his lap after exhausting himself. AlHaitham couldn't ever imagine the pain Kaveh had felt. Knowing that the only other person who remembered someone else had moved on while you remained stuck. Realising that you might never see them again, as all the guilt that you had weighed yourself down with finally broke you.
He soothed the blonde as much as he could in that moment, letting Kaveh sleep as much as necessary, wondering if maybe it was best to delay the trip, despite the fact that he still had a few days before leaving.
When Kaveh roused, he could feel the chill in the room and the warmth the other provided him. Kaveh stayed like that, eyes puffy and feeling lethargic, head resting comfortably on AlHaitham's chest, as the scribe must have laid them down some time while he had been asleep.
It felt nice, to have those arms wrapped around him.
Obviously, they spent their nights in each other's arms, having accepted it as a step in their relationship to share the same bed, but right now, it felt different, and he honestly couldn't put his finger on it.
The box was still clutched in his hand, too.
He didn't know if he should laugh or cry again, knowing that he just couldn't let go of the past and that the only one holding him back was himself, but even through all of that, all of the guilt that had formed a heavy pit in his stomach so many years ago, AlHaitham was still here. It was then that Kaveh remembered the charm that had been burning a figurative hole in his pocket the previous night.
But... it felt good to let out those emotions and know that there was someone there to catch you when the shaky bridge you built for yourself inevitably broke. Someone there who could share the emotional burden with you, no matter how rough it got.
Kaveh opened the box with a few quiet tears spilling over. It was just as beautiful as the last time he'd seen it. But this time it sat prettily in a box instead of twisted anxiously. It had probably been the only thing that had stopped his mother from completely breaking—a solid piece that tied the dead to you. He actually felt happy now that she'd moved on and that she was no longer in pain every day. It brought him a sense of comfort now. Kaveh couldn't believe AlHaitham had gone all the way to Fontaine just so he could, essentially, get permission to marry him. It made a part of his heart flutter with joy and love for the man.
Kaveh shifted slightly, trying not to wake AlHaitham as the morning light slipped through to color him in soft golds and whites. Yes, Kaveh thought. He didn't care what they called their relationship, so long as he was AlHaitham's and AlHaitham was his.
AlHaitham grunted slightly, shifting and holding an arm up to block out the sun that woke him.
"Good morning," Kaveh said softly, adjusting himself slightly so he could climb further into the other's embrace. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For breaking down on you like that."
"Kaveh, it's not something you need to apologise for. You've been carrying a heavy weight for decades now. I'd much rather it happen under more positive circumstances than less than ideal ones."
Kaveh had never allowed himself to break down, bottling everything up and insisting he was fine and that everything was fine.
Having a breakdown felt like he was giving up, like he wasn't strong enough to shoulder the burden that was assigned to him and him alone.
"Kaveh, being in a relationship with someone means that you can trust them to share your burdens and to help you through whatever struggles you have." He remembers his grandmother telling him once to cherish those he held close to him and to help share their burden, no matter what. "You don't need to do everything on your own anymore; I'm here, and I'm not leaving you. I love you, Kaveh." AlHaitham curled his hand around the one that Kaveh still held the box in. "You don't have to accept if you don't want to. I'm not going to force you to do that." But the silent part of him wished that Kaveh said yes, that he could slide the ring onto that finger and come home to someone he could completely call his own. "I understand it's a heavy choice to make, but I'm willing to be patient."
"Haitham, do you know what one thing my mother told me when I was younger?" Kaveh was quiet, the soft sounds of Sumeru waking up for the day echoing through the home as birds sang and the wind whistled its morning tune. "I asked her a long time ago about my father. Before he died."
"And? What did she say?"
"Well, it was lots of grand tales of how romantic he was and how he always made these grand gestures to show her how much he loved her. That's just how he loved. Bright colors, beautiful flowers, exquisite scents, but only for her, for us."
It made Kaveh feel tired and made his heart ache at the memory, but AlHaitham's embrace and the hand curled over his helped ground him, making it so he didn't sink down into his emotions, which were a riptide that would pull him under if he wasn't careful enough. "And I guess he rubbed off on me; I was always expecting these grand gestures, and I completely ignored what else she told me. She told me about the quiet parts of love: cooking for each other and coming home to each other. The bickering, the laughter, the moments before the world was awake. Small little moments, like taking care of him when he got sick, the way every night would end with them falling asleep in each other's embrace. I was so used to seeing the grand gestures he did for her and never thought of the small things they did for each other."
Kaveh shifted now so he could properly look at AlHaitham. "While I don't know if I could ever pinpoint the moment when I first knew I loved you, what I do know is that I could never hope to replace what they felt for each other. But what I can do is relish in what I've been given and the small things you've done for me. From making sure we share a cup of coffee in the morning to allowing me to rant at you about anything, you've helped me in so many ways, and I never once reciprocated it, never once showed you my own love."
"Kaveh, I never once did those things expecting you to shower me in appreciation, to show me anything except that you were comfortable and that you were thriving here. You've already shown me anyway. Cooking dinner, always there to greet me when I come home," The list he had could honestly take up dozens of pieces of paper if he were to write them all down. "All the things you normally did before are now done unconsciously, naturally, and with love. I couldn't ever ask for more. Just know that no matter what, I'll always choose you."
"Thinking about what she said, it really feels like I know what she was talking about and what it felt like between them." Kaveh struggled a bit, trying to find the words he wanted to speak and wanted to tell AlHaitham. "It wasn't about the grand gestures; it was always about the small things they did to show how much they meant to each other. A lot of other things were just physical representations of how they felt about each other—a way to solidify it so even if they were apart, they'd still have that reminder. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say."
"You don't have to force yourself to figure it out; we have plenty of time to figure out things like this."
Kaveh shook his head, a look of determination on his face. "Absolutely not. This is too important to just put aside to figure out later. I love you, AlHaitham." Of course, this wasn't the first time he'd said it; it was one of the reasons they'd become whatever they were today. "But I can't bear the thought of not having you by my side. So I'm... I feel like I'm ready to take whatever step, whatever plunge into the deep is next for us."
Kaveh moved their hands, placing the box more firmly in AlHaitham's. "I know it's a huge step, and I'm honestly scared of what will happen down the road, but I've started to realise that even if I was scared of something, you were always there for me." His voice was still so soft; unable to speak any louder for fear of waking up and finding it was all a dream. "Even if I didn't see it or notice it, you were always encouraging me in a way that made me feel prideful, like I needed to prove myself, but never in a way that made me feel like I wasn't deserving of what I had, that I was just taking advantage of your generosity. Obviously things will be different because now I know that there wasn't any real bitterness or animosity behind your words, just genuine concern for me and wanting the best."
Kaveh appreciated every little thing AlHaitham said, and although it wasn't exactly the best way to communicate the expectations he had for him, it still helped in some way.
AlHaitham took Kaveh's other hand, still wrapped in a glove, and placed a tender kiss on the knuckles. "We still have the rest of our lives to figure things out, and I'm sure there will be things we end up discovering later on, too. So tell me, Kaveh, do you think you'll be able to handle me? Not just as the person you live with, not just the person you love, but your husband."
Kaveh rolled his eyes at that. "There's that Haravatat education again. You already know my answer."
"I want to hear you say it; I want to hear it from you that you know that things aren't going to change between us, that we'll still be the same."
"I know exactly what I'm getting into, whom I want in my life, and the person I love. I didn't know it then; I didn't know how much all of this would mean to me, but I know now, and I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe your horrid taste in decor."
"Well, that is something you're going to have to continue to live with." AlHaitham took Kaveh's left hand, thumb stroking the soft skin for a moment, only letting it go so he could open the small box and take the ring from it. "Last chance to back out."
Kaveh snorted. "As if."
With Kaveh's hand in his, he slid the ring on, watching as it fit perfectly on his finger. "I love you, Kaveh; I will never stop."
"I hope not." Fears forgotten now, he stayed in AlHaitham's embrace, soaking in the comfort. "I got you something, too."
The blonde shifted back slightly, grabbing the small charm from his pocket, thankful that it hadn't crumpled or wrinkled during its stay in its fabric prison. "It's not a ring, but I got it while I was in Inazuma. It's meant to help bring you safely back to me."
"Then I'll be sure to rely on it to keep me safe when I'm away, so I can always make my way back to you." And with that, they sealed the morning—a brand new day—with a kiss filled with laughter and love.
The charm was joined not long after by a ring on AlHaitham's own finger, and, while the charm would inevitably fray and slowly fade with time, the rings would resonate and fill their hearts with more love than a simple charm could hold.