Chapter Text
The best room in the house was the library. The stuff in there was different from the books available at the public library. Old and delicate, most of them were considered 'heirlooms.'
Dad would have flipped, if he knew Ben was reading them.
I hope he's fitfully writhing in his grave, Ben thought. I hope his ghost is watching.
The only downside to the library was that everyone knew that was where they could find him. Five, especially, would pop in and expect Ben to drop whatever he was reading to play with him.
When Ben complained to Vanya she said boundaries were important. Important and valid and not even a little bit mean.
Today, Ben psyched himself up to repeat the script she'd given him if and when Five appeared.
I'll be gentle, yet firm, Ben thought. I'll be softly strict. Like Mom.
But most of the day went by and Five never showed up. What was he doing? Who was he hanging out with?
He doesn't love me anymore, Ben thought. I got too greedy with the sleepovers and now he hates me.
But that was stupid… or was it?
Later, Ben would tell Vanya he'd just forgotten the lines from the boundary script. In actuality, when Five finally showed up Ben was too relieved to scold him.
"Ben," Five said, stiffly. "I'm going to bed."
Ben blinked. "Now?"
Five crossed his arms together. "Now."
Ben glanced out the window and tried to guess the time. The sun was on its way down, but it was still visible.
"It's pretty early?" Ben said.
"I've seen Luther go to bed as early as 9 p.m," Five said. "So I've determined that 'evening' is an acceptable time for sleeping."
Ben frowned. "Uh, I'm pretty sure it's nowhere near 9 p.m."
Five stomped his foot down dramatically. "I don't care! You can't stop me!"
He's being so mean to me these days, Ben thought. I should use Vanya's script after all. Or should I?
"I won't stop you," Ben said. "It's not like I'm Number One. Why are you even telling me?"
Five glared at him. "Because. I shall be appropriating your bed."
Ben grinned. "I thought you didn't want to sleep there anymore? You said my mattress has too many springs in it."
"Yes," Five said. "But your blanket is softer. It's a fair exchange."
Can I go too? Ben thought. Is this an invitation?
"Hmm," Ben said. "I guess it's a good thing I'm in here."
"Why?"
"So that you can sleep in peace," Ben said, testing the waters. "Didn't you say-"
"No," Five said. "That's… no."
"No?"
Five's scowl deepened.
So he wants me to come? Ben thought. Or is he mad at me because he can tell I want to?
"Why are you mad?" Ben said.
"I'm not mad," Five said.
Ben tilted his head. "Why aren't you going to sleep?"
Because you want me to come, right? Right?
Five scoffed. "Didn't you say it was too early? Which is it?"
Ah, my brother, Ben thought. What a fun little puzzle.
"Hmm," Ben said. "Well, anyway, I guess it's progress that you're letting me know you're going to use my room."
Five rolled his eyes.
The heck! Ben thought. He never used to roll his eyes at me!
"Level two," Ben said, stiffly. "Is where you start asking for permission."
Five stared at him, mouth agape. "You… you don't want me in your room anymore?"
"Huh?"
"You don't want me in your room?" Five looked absolutely devastated by this news.
Fuck yes! Ben thought. He needs me too!
"No," Ben said. "It's just, Vanya says I should set boundaries, but… oh."
Five covered his face with his hands. He always did that when he was trying not to cry.
Immediately, Ben gave him a hug. Five was frozen, but he always got like that when he was embarrassed, so Ben just did the Mom thing and rubbed circles into his back.
He did that for a couple of minutes, until Five blinked a few feet to the left.
"Apologies," Five said, gruffly. "I don't know what has come over me."
"That's okay," Ben said, gently. "Can I go with you? To sleep?"
Five shoved his hands into his pockets and glared at the ceiling. "You tired?"
"I am absolutely exhausted," Ben said, eagerly. "I wanna sleep for twelve hours."
Five nodded cordially. "Understood."
He held out his hand and Ben took it.
They teleported.
Then, when they were in bed, Five flopped on top of him, shoving his arms underneath Ben’s body and squeezing tightly.
Aaaaw, Ben thought. He loves me.
Ben ran his hands through Five’s hair, humming a cute song. And they stayed like that for a long while.
"How dare you!" Five was yelling. "You can't censor me!"
When Five was yelling, it was time to guess. Where was his voice coming from? This time around, it sounded like he was downstairs.
Later, when Klaus teased him for running, Ben would deny it. He would say, "I walked very quickly" towards what was sure to be an eventful argument.
But there wasn't an argument. Just Vanya, standing alone with her eyes closed, hugging herself.
"You okay?" Ben said.
"Yes." Vanya was getting quicker with her recovery time. She was already loosening her limbs. She opened her eyes. "Um, I accidentally offended him."
"I noticed."
"Help?"
Ben gave her a hug.
"Aw," Vanya said. "Thank you, but I kind of want help with Five."
Embarrassed, Ben let go. Vanya took his hand, though, and gave it a squeeze.
Klaus sauntered over. "Another tantrum?"
"Don't call it that," Vanya said.
"Can you leave us alone?" Ben said.
"Why?" Klaus said.
It was so easy to offend Klaus. Ben tried to think of a way to say 'You might make things worse' that wouldn't come off as… judgemental.
He's always accusing me of being judgmental, Ben thought, frowning balefully.
"We are working through the problem," Vanya said. "And your skills are not required. Yet."
Klaus grinned. "Say no more."
He lazily saluted, then left.
"Oh my god," Ben said. "You're the Klaus whisperer."
Vanya laughed. "And you're the Five whisperer."
"Am I?" Ben said, grinning. "Naaah."
"I seriously think you are," Vanya said. "Or, at least, you understand Baby Five better than me."
"Really?" Ben said. "But he's the easy one."
Vanya shrugged. "I find Old Five easier."
"Maybe it's cause you're old," Ben teased.
"Haha," Vanya said. "Maybe."
"Anyway," Ben said. "What happened?"
"I was trying to give him advice," Vanya said. "He was feeling guilty about his fight with Diego, so I just… I wanted to help."
"Okay," Ben said. "But what did you say?"
"I told him he needs to tailor his words," Vanya said.
"Uh oh," Ben said.
"Why?" Vanya said. "What's so wrong with that?"
"Um…" Ben tried to think of a way to explain it.
It's ironic, Ben thought. I know thousands of words, but I suck at using them.
"I just think," Vanya said. "that negative words breed negativity. So, I said he should use synonyms. Nicer ones."
"Did you tell him to stop cussing?"
Vanya frowned. "Not this time."
"Cause he hates that," Ben said. "He hates being told he’s not allowed to say something."
"But why?" Vanya said. "He used to… he's always liked pretty words."
"Elegant words," Ben said. "Yeah, I know. But, like, it reminds him of Dad."
"What does?" Vanya said.
“Remember when Dad told us ‘mostest’ isn’t a word?” Ben said. “He said it was childish. He said it wasn’t allowed.”
Vanya sighed. “Right. Damn.”
“So you can’t say cussing is forbidden,” Ben said. “Or that words aren’t real, or that-”
“He triggered me,” Vanya said, scowling.
“What did he do?”
Vanya ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “He said I was killing him.”
Ben winced. “Oh. Um, I know why you don’t like that one, but-”
“He hates me,” Vanya groaned. “He thinks I’m a bitch and he-”
“Whoa!” Ben said. “It’s a positive word!”
Vanya blinked. “Huh?”
“He got it from me,” Ben said. “Sorry. He thinks it means overwhelmed with happiness.”
Vanya squinted at him. “Overwhelmed with happiness?”
“Yeah,” Ben said. “The confusing kind of happiness. Like, a happiness you don’t know what to do with? That’s how I usually use it anyway and Five copies me, so… Vanya?”
She had covered her mouth with her hands.
“You okay?” Ben said.
Eyes glistening, Vanya whispered, “I think you killed me.”
Ben beamed. “Exactly!”
Vanya nodded stiffly, then abruptly walked off. Ben assumed she was going to look for Five, so he didn’t follow.
I am the craftiest wordsmith, Ben thought. The cleverest interlocutor.
Ben nodded proudly to himself, walking back down the hallway like a chancellor at court, and almost didn’t notice Diego poking his head out of his room.
“The fuck,” Diego sighed. “Is that little shit done picking fights?”
Ben grinned. “Probably not. But fear not! I am the Five translator.”
Diego leaned against his door and scowled. “I’m not stupid. I know what ‘pernicious’ means. I just think he’s being an arrogant little dick and he-”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Ben said. “There are many nuances here that you’re not grasping.”
Diego scoffed. “You too? Why do you guys have to talk like…”
“Like what?”
“Like Dad.”
Ben flinched.
“Shit,” Diego said. “I didn’t mean it. I take it back-”
“You did,” Ben said. “You did too!”
“I’m a dumbass!” Diego insisted. “I’m an asshole and I-”
“Nincompoop,” Ben said. “That’s what you are.”
Diego blinked. “Uh… that’s a new one.”
“Dad hated it,” Ben said. “It made us giggle because it had the word ‘poop’ in it. He said it wasn’t allowed.”
Diego scowled. “Dad would say that.”
“Cause he was stupid,” Ben said. “He was obsessed with, like, high society politeness.”
“Yeah,” Diego said. “I guess… yeah. Five isn’t like that. He's the rudest son of a bitch I ever met.”
“Yeah,” Ben said. “So fuck you.”
“Fuck me,” Diego agreed. “You’re right, bro.”
Ben crossed his arms together. “I deserve a hug.”
“Oh shit,” Diego said. “Um, yes sir.”
With the kind of awkwardness that never failed to be hilarious, Diego tentatively put his arms around Ben.
“I deserve back rubs,” Ben said.
“I got you,” Diego said. “That’s easy.”
“Then you’re going to do the same for Five,” Ben said. “And you’re going to grovel.”
Diego groaned. “I hate groveling.”
“As you should.”
Diego chuckled nervously. “That’s what makes it a punishment, I guess.”
Ben felt himself loosening up as Diego massaged gruff circles into his back. Mom would have been gentler, but it was still nice.
Finally, Ben snaked his own arms around Diego and buried his face in the crook of Diego’s neck.
“Hmmm,” Ben said. “So you feel better now, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Diego said. “Um, less guilty.”
“Repentance is important,” Ben said. “Cause, like, Vanya says it’s um…”
“Closure?” Diego said.
“Yeah!” Ben said. “Closure.”
Sighing deeply, Diego ruffled Ben’s hair. “Man, you’re the most mature guy in this house.”
“I should be Number One,” Ben teased.
Diego laughed. “Yeah, yeah.”
At first, Ben thought it was a nightmare. The crushing weight, the suffocation, was too random and sudden to be real.
Instinctively, the Horror reacted. It flailed around, wailing, and broke through the bricks and debris until Ben could gasp for air.
Soon as he was breathing, Ben firmly shut the portal in his stomach. Those guys couldn’t be allowed free reign in the house. They’d hurt someone.
But then Ben took a good look around. The house was a crumpled heap. It had fallen apart. Was there an earthquake? It was too dark to get a clear look at the damage.
He brushed flakes of dirt off his shoulders and noticed he wasn’t wearing any clothes. Not even underwear.
But he didn’t have time to be embarrassed about that. “Five?” Ben called. “Luther! You guys?!”
Bits of black flakes were floating around like snow. Ashes? The Apocalypse?
Ben shivered, and hugged himself. It was really cold.
“Anyone here?!” Ben screamed. “YOU GUYS!”
Five teleported in front of him in a flash of blue. “Fucking Christ!” he hissed. “What are you doing here?”
Ben gasped and covered his privates with his hands.
“Shit!” Five said. “The fuck!”
Five was dressed up in grungy layers, leather and padding and a scarf along with Dad’s old aviator hat. He scrambled to remove his jacket and handed it to Ben.
“Fuckity fuck fuck,” Five said. “God fucking dammit! Fuck!”
Ben covered himself. “Um, I concur.”
“Don’t worry,” Five said. “There’s a briefcase. I just have to dig it up.”
“Oh shit,” Ben said. “That’s right. I remember.”
Right before the older Five had Rumored himself, there was an incident where the younger got stuck in the Apocalypse for a few hours. So Five Senior made sure to give Luther a time travel briefcase to bring to New York. It was buried in the garden for Apocalypse emergencies, but they’d never needed it. The Apocalypse had been a one time thing.
Or it had seemed that way. Why would it return after so long?
“But why are you naked?” Five said.
“I have no Earthly idea,” Ben said. “I just woke up like this.”
“We don’t have time to process that,” Five said. “Later, I guess. Shit.”
Five started to shimmy out of his pants.
“Wait!” Ben said. “You’ll be too cold.”
“You’ll be too cold,” Five said. “You’re more important, dumbass!”
Five got the pants off and threw them in Ben’s face.
“No, I’m not!” Ben said. “You are!”
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Five said. “I know how to start a fire. Sit tight!”
Five disappeared.
“No!” Ben shouted. “Come back! FIVE!”
Clutching the clothes to his chest, Ben could only stand there and cry. The worst kind of crying. The loudest and most pathetic kind.
It only took a minute for Five to warp back. He threw his arms around Ben and said, “Warning! Jumping!”
Then Five was pulling him through a spatial jump. They landed in a woodsy area… no, the dog park? Maybe it used to be the dog park. It was hard to tell in the dim light, but Ben thought he could see the little obstacle course the dogs would run through.
“I hate you,” Ben mumbled, rubbing the tears off his cheeks. “I hate you so much.”
“That’s okay,” Five said. “That’s allowed.”
The fire was impressive. It was big as a bonfire.
“How did you do this so quickly?” Ben said.
“I rewinded a bit,” Five said. “I’m getting better at it.”
Ben blinked. “Oh.”
“So sit tight,” Five said. “I’m going to find you some clothes, but it’ll only feel like a second, okay? You won’t even notice I’m gone.”
“But-”
“No buts,” Five said.
“Put your pants back on!” Ben said. “If I’m by the fire, I don’t need them.”
“Fair,” Five said.
“And your jacket,” Ben said.
“Alright,” Five said. “Deal.”
Five quickly put his clothes back on, then disappeared.
I’m pathetic, Ben thought, sighing heavily. I’m useless.
He curled in on himself beside the fire.
Five was gone for longer this time. A few minutes, at least.
When he got back, Five was hugging some kind of giant stuffed animal. But really torn up and deflated, like all the stuffing had been sucked out.
And Five was panting heavily. Kind of shaking.
“Are you okay?” Ben said.
“Sorry,” Five said. “The more time goes by, the harder it is.”
“To rewind?”
“Yeah. But anyway. Here.” Proudly, Five presented him with the grimy stuffed animal. It looked like a rat or something, with a really creepily exaggerated smile.
“Um. Thanks?”
Five chuckled and pulled the head off of its shoulders. “It’s a mascot suit. From some restaurant.”
“Oh,” Ben said. “Better than nothing.”
“Right?”
“Thank you,” Ben said. “You should sit down.”
Five nodded tiredly and sat near the fire.
Ben awkwardly pulled the mascot suit on. “Uh, I’m not going to wear the head.”
“Fair,” Five said. “So, just give me a few minutes. Then I’ll dig up the briefcase.”
“Let me help,” Ben said.
“No.”
“No?”
“I can do it faster,” Five said. “You won’t have to stay long. I’ll rewind and, for you, it’ll be a blink-”
“No!” Ben said, stomping his foot.
“No?”
“You need help,” Ben said.
“I’m an excellent digger,” Five said. “The briefcase is barely even two feet down. And I can-”
“You’re tired,” Ben said. “You’re exhausting yourself.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are!”
“Just let me save you,” Five insisted. “Cause I love you, see? Let me love you.”
That did it. Ben started crying again.
“No, no, no,” Five said, urgently. “Don’t cry! Please, don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry!”
“I love you more,” Ben wailed. “I love you most!”
“I love you mostest,” Five said. “So cheer up, hmm? It’s almost over.”
“No,” Ben said. “I won’t cheer up unless you let me dig.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Five sighed. “Okay. Jesus.”
Ben sniffed and angrily wiped at his face.
“I’m sorry,” Five said. “This is all my fault.”
“What?” Ben said. “No, it isn’t.”
“Yes, it is,” Five said. “I acorned us!”
“No, you didn’t!”
“Ugh,” Five said. “There’s no point arguing with you.”
“Do you hate me?” Ben said.
“No!” Five said. “I fucking love you, dammit!”
“I’m useless,” Ben said.
“No, you aren’t!”
“I’ll be a good digger,” Ben said. “I’ll be Number Two, so just-”
“No,” Five said. “You’re Number One.”
“You’re Number One.”
Five threw his hands in the air. “No one is Number One anymore!”
“But-”
“Luther said so,” Five said. “The numbers got deleted.”
Ben chuckled. “But-”
“No buts,” Five said. “Are you ready to dig?”
“Shouldn’t you rest for a little longer?”
“Ugh.”
“Just a little longer,” Ben said. “Five minutes for Five.”
Five sighed. “Fine. I should probably warn you anyway.”
“Warn me about what?”
“Dad has this gizmo,” Five said. “It alerts him… though, I guess we could try to aim for a year when he’s gone? But then we’d have to worry about more doppelgangers.”
“Dad?” Ben said. “But Dad’s dead.”
“Okay, look,” Five said. “The first time I used the briefcase I did what you wanted. I went to 2005. You were so happy to see me. Everyone was.”
Ben flinched. “With Dad?”
“I planned on coming back,” Five said, quickly. “I was just rebooting.”
“Rebooting?”
“The Apocalypse always fixes itself,” Five said. “But I get stuck in it, so I have to go back somewhere and then come back forward.”
“How many times has this happened?”
“Not a lot,” Five said. “This is barely the fourth time.”
“What the fuck,” Ben said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Five shrugged.
“I’m the fucking vault!” Ben screamed. “You’re supposed to tell me everything!”
Five took a step back. “I know… but-”
“No buts!”
“I’m sorry!” Five said. “It would have upset you!”
“This upsets me more!” Ben said. “This is worse!”
“No, it isn’t!”
“Yes, it is!”
Five took another step back.
“Where are you going?” Ben said. “Are you leaving?”
“No!” Five said. “I just… I can’t…”
“Can’t what?” Ben said. “Can’t stand me?”
“No!”
“I love you,” Ben insisted. “You can’t leave.”
“Wait!” Five said. “Just… just hold on. Give me a second.”
Five always said that when he was overwhelmed, so Ben took a deep breath and nodded.
They just stood in silence for a minute, eyeing each other warily.
“You made it hard for me to leave,” Five finally said, sighing tiredly. “But I knew you would miss me, so… damn. It was so confusing.”
“Me?” Ben said. “2005 me?”
“Yeah,” Five said. “I told him he’d see me again in a year and he didn’t believe me.”
“Damn,” Ben said. “2005 was a terrible idea, wasn’t it?”
“The worst idea,” Five agreed.
“But what was that you said before?” Ben said. “About Dad?”
Five shifted on his feet. “He’s got all this tech. One of the gadgets, it can detect fluctuations in the space time continuum or something. So as soon as I landed, he was there. He caught me.”
Ben winced. “Was he pissed?”
Five shrugged.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Five scowled defiantly. “And I’ll protect you. Listen, I have a plan.”
“What plan?”
“We’ll just have to walk for a bit,” Five said. “Get as far away from the academy as possible. Or I could try to teleport us, but I’m pretty low on juice, so-”
“We can walk,” Ben said, quickly. “Don’t overexert yourself.”
Five rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Vanya says-”
“No,” Five said. “Don’t start with that.”
Ben sighed. “Okay.”
“How’s the mascot suit?” Five said. “Warm enough?”
“Yeah,” Ben said. “It’s good. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” Five said. “So should we wait for the sun to come up or are you okay digging in the dark?”
“I’m okay digging in the dark,” Ben said. “Do we have shovels or anything?”
“No,” Five said. “But I found these large floor tiles from the mall. We’ll leverage them into the ground and just… I’ll show you.”
“Okay,” Ben said. “And Five?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry for yelling,” Ben said. “I didn’t mean it.”
“I know,” Five said. “It’s okay. It’s allowed. You can be as emotional as you want.”
“I can?”
“Yes,” Five said. “Cause Dad is dead.”
Ben hugged himself. “Right.”
Tentatively, Five stepped forward. “You need a hug?”
“Yes, please.”
Five hugged him. Beside them, the fire crackled gently.
Everything will be okay, Ben thought. We’re together. That’s all that matters.