Chapter Text
Ugh, I am either way too early or way too late. Kyley refused to consider the third option: that high school in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Colorado really was this deserted. Deserted enough to hear early morning crickets outside.
Kyley had been unceremoniously dragged out of bed by his mother, who didn't want him to be late for his first day at a new school—something which had screwed him over the last time he changed schools back home in New Jersey, although that had been his pancreas' fault.
Out of nowhere, someone finally appeared. It was a guy wearing, of all things, a shirt with a weed leaf on it, and jeans that had probably seen better days and reeked of weed. And a beanie hat that looked kind of goth.
Well, he was someone to talk to. Kyley would have to start somewhere in rebuilding his social life, now that his parents had decided to nuke it to move back to a simple, small town life.
Plus, up close, the stranger was good looking enough, and gave off a queer vibe.
With a mischievous grin, Kyley strutted over to the guy, his charm turned up to eleven.
"Hey there, stud," he drawled in his unmistakable Jersey accent, flashing a dazzling smile. "What's shakin'? Mind if I join you?"
The guy turned to Kyley, and it was like he'd seen a ghost.
"I'm Kyley B. What's your name?"
The guy didn't reply, shrinking back like a scared animal. His face blanched, looking nauseated.
"Uh, you good man?"
"Blergh!" He doubled over, clutching his stomach, and puked onto Kyley.
Before Kyley could react, the guy bolted. A short blond boy chased him down the hallway, calling out. "Not again! You alright dude?"
Kyley stood there, gaping and dripping vomit that stung his skin.
"The fuck just happened?"
Naturally, Kyley's old phone didn't even work in Colorado, so he had to go to the school office and use the ancient corded phone, like a fuckin' elementary schooler. Once his mother finally figured out she should answer 14 calls from an unknown number, she came to bring clothes. Naturally, they were the kind of clothes a mother thinks you should wear on the first day of school. And by the time he got them, he had to go through once-again empty halls and show up late to first period, missing the chance to introduce himself.
And at lunch, Kyley wandered into a great unknown, totally lost on where to sit for the first time in his entire school career.
"Hi," said a blond girl in a cheerleading outfit. "Nice to meet you. I'm Bebe."
"Name’s Kyley B, doll."
"You want to sit at our lunch table? We've got space."
"If it'd make you happy," he said, flashing his pearly whites. Thank God.
And so Kyley's luck turned around, as the lunch table of cool people embraced him like they had known each other all their lives. They turned out to be the most popular kids in school, he learned by the end of the week in his now permanent, reserved seat. Except for the missing Stan Marsh and his mystery friend Eric Cartman, everyone worth knowing had introduced themselves to Kyley, trading numbers and Insta's and Snap's (and even fucking email addresses, in case of disasters like being grounded or out of Wifi range).
On Friday, they still hadn't run out of stories of their wild nights, epic parties, and legendary pranks, often led by the legendary football captain Stan Marsh and his loyal side-kick Kenny McCormick.
"Seriously, you guys, I can't believe how awesome this place is!" Kyley said. "I mean, back in Jersey, we had some wild times, but the things you've been up to... It's on a whole different level!"
His friends eagerly leaned in, their eyes sparkling with anticipation.
"That's South Park for you."
"Tell us, Kyley, what's the craziest thing that's happened to you so far?"
Kyley flashed a grin, ready to entertain his new audience. "Well, let's see... Oh, I know. On my first day, first guy I introduce myself to, I walk up to him, and out of nowhere, he just pukes all over me!"
Laughter erupted around the table.
"Ew!"
"Ugh!"
"Then what?"
"And then he ran away without saying anything. Wild, right?"
"Who did it turn out to be?"
"I don't know! He didn't even get his name out, and haven't seen him around ever since."
"Maybe he was scared 'cause you have the whole roider look. Nobody here is as big as you."
Kyley grinned and winked.
"Describe him, Kyley."
"I dunno, kinda weird looking. Guy was dressed sorta like a stoner? Weed leaves on his clothes. But like, with a goth hat."
An uncomfortable silence settled over the group.
"What? I say something?"
Finally one girl whispered, "Uh, Kyley...that...that was probably Stan Marsh."
Kyley's mouth dropped open.
"No way! It couldn't be. Stan? That's... Stan Marsh? The Stan Marsh who's the legend of this school?"
Kenny, who had been observing the whole thing silently as usual, spoke up.
"Yeah..."—he sighed—"that's our Stan."
Kyley couldn't fathom how the shy and panicked boy could be the popular and respected figure he had heard about—the Stan Marsh the popular kids revered, who Kyley had been preparing to meet by practicing his firmest handshake and most badass stories.
"Oh shit…he's sick then? He doin' alright?"
There were quiet snickers that gave Kyley the feeling he was missing something, and suddenly he was an outsider again. Everyone was looking at him.
"He's fine. He's not home sick or anything."
Kyley's face was burning with what he knew was his unattractive, tomato blush, not the cute one girls liked. Thanks to his ginger complexion, no amount of spray tan could hide his humiliation.
"No worries," Kenny said, "I'll introduce you when Stan is, uh, feeling better." Kenny, Kyley recalled from the stories, was the peacemaker of the school. "Just let me handle it, you don't need to approach him yourself."
"Especially after lunch!" Someone snickered.
"Or practice," said Clyde. "Wouldn't want him sent home."
More laughs followed.
Shit. It was like he had stepped on a landmine. Leave it to him to piss off the most important, toughest, fittest guy in school, in front of his own crew. Had he ruined his chances of fitting in forever?