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I throw the burning piece of wood I found in the fireplace across the room, trying to hit David but he ducks just as I throw it.
I ran to the other side of the building trying to get as far away from him as possible. I grab a knife off of the counter and climb under a counter.
"Ellie."
Goosebumps run down my arms and legs at the way he calls my name.
"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD I AM!" He yells into the burning room.
"You know neither one of us is dying tonight. I've decided you do need me, so I'm gonna keep you, and I'm gonna teach you."
I look around the corner I'm hiding behind and see him with his back turned.
Now.
I run towards him with a knife and going for his neck.
He must have heard me coming because he turns and grabs my wrist and throws me to the floor, my head hitting the ground and the knife flying out of my hand.
"Well you tried, I'll give you that." He kicks me in the ribs and I feel a crack. A yell escapes my lips and I roll onto my side with a groan.
He pushes my shoulder so I'm on my back and straddles me. My eyes widened with fear, I scream at him, and spit in his face, trying anything to get him off me.
He flashes me a gross disturbing grin.
"Oh I thought you already knew, the fighting is the part I like the most."
No, no this isn't happening. I reach up searching for something, anything to help me. My fingers hit the cleaver he was holding.
"No you don't" he grabs the cleaver and throws it behind him, at my feet.
"No, please." I sob and beg. I wish I didn't beg but I don’t know what else to do.
"Joel" I cry, thinking that if I say his name that he'll appear out of thin air and save me.
"He can't save you now, he's probably dead."
"No" I cry out.
He looks up at the burning ceiling.
"Not here" he practically growls. He grabs me by my hair and slams my head against the floor. Once. Twice. Three times.
I'm dizzy and suddenly too tired to fight anymore so I just lay there, not fully aware of what's happening.
I suddenly feel weightless and I realize he's carrying me.
"No" I groan, I'm in so much pain that I don't even move.
I start to feel like I'm dreaming and I start seeing white before I go numb, finally passing out.
…..
When I wake up David's face is the first thing I see, and there's this pain I've never felt before, this pressure.
No, stop, stop, stop. I want to say but the only thing that comes out is a pathetic wine as my head sags to the side.
I see through my tears, that I'm in a room I've never been in before. I don't have time to look around before David grabs my chin and pulls my face toward him.
"Look at me Ellie" he groans out my name, breaking me out of my dase.
I'm finally aware of everything that's happening.
"No, no." I mumble. Before louder, "STOP" I scream
David grunts above me.
"The fighting is the part I like the most"
I try to be quiet, to try and make him not interested, but It hurts so bad. My cries don't stop.
He slides his hand to my throat.
I can't breathe.
I open and close my mouth desperately trying to get air but I can't.
"Yes, good girl. Fuck." He finally moves his hand and I gasp.
He starts going faster and harder until he bends down and bites down on my neck and stills.
I feel something wet inside me and I start sobbing and gasping for air.
I try to think of something else, anything other than the fact that he's still inside me.
I hear gunshots in the distance.
David hears it too. He lifts his head and looks towards the door. They start getting louder and closer.
"Shit" David gets up and pulls up his pants.
I stay on the floor still not able to breathe right. I don’t know if it's because I was just strangled or if I was have a fucking panic attack.
David goes over to the other side of the room and grabs a knife. Then he walks to the door and puts his ear to it.
I look down and see that my shirt was cut open from the front, my bra and stomach on display. I turn my head and see my pants laying next to me. I grab them and pull myself up. I cry out as I try to put them on.
There's blood everywhere and I know it's mine.
I finally finish getting them on just in time for David to come and grab me by the arm and pull me up.
I feel fluid gush down my thighs. And I cry out a gasp.
"Shut the fuck up" David whisper-yells in my ear. When I don't he wraps his sweaty hand around my mouth.
I don't know how but my body just moves before me, like I'm watching one of those movies that they had back in Jackson. I feel nothing and everything at the same time. Every sound is muffled by ringing in my ear.
My head tilts up and I bite down on his hand. Hard.
I bit off a chunk of flesh.
David screams and drops the knife. I immediately grab it and lunge at him jumping and wrapping my legs around him, making him fall to the floor.
I drive the knife into his neck.
The first stab he makes a gurgling sound.
The second he gasps, his eyes wide.
The third his eye glass over.
He was dead.
I kept going
I stabbed and stabbed.
Until finally his head rolls to the floor.
I stare at it, at him.
My breathing speeds up. I stare at my blood covered hands. I did this.
The ringing in my ears gets louder until it's all I hear.
I'm pulled back down to Earth when a hand grabs my shoulder.
I quickly turn around and raise the knife up, ready to start whoever touched me.
The person grabs my wrist and throws the knife. "Ellie, stop."
"No, don't fucking touch me!" I scream and struggle against a surprisingly gentle hold.
"Hey, Ellie, look at me, it's me." a gentle voice says.
"No." I cry, turning away.
Two strong but gentle hands cup my face.
Looking at him. How? How is he here? "Joel?" I ask
"It's me."
"Joel" I sob, leaning into him.
"I got you baby girl" he says softly, putting his hand on the back of my head, pulling me close as I cry into his chest. He's never called me that before, I imagine that's what he called Sarah, his daughter. Am I his daughter now too?
"Are you okay?" I ask, remembering how I left him. I pull back to look him over.
"Hey I'm okay, I'm not leaving ever again." He puts his chin on my head.
I feel him stiffen. He sees him. He sees what I did to David.
"Come on, let's go baby." He says sweetly, but I can see in his eye, an expression I don't think I've seen him have, fear.
"Ok"
He gets up and helps me up. He pulls off his coat and wraps it around me, buttoning it up. It completely covers me, from my neck to my mid thighs.
"Let's go" he repeats
…..
We find a cabin maybe a mile away. We practically carried each other here.
"Here, we'll be okay here." Joel says, walking me over to sit on a dusty couch.
He walks around, checking the building "Stay here," he says before walking outside.
I stare at the walls of the cabin. It has wood walls and a small red brick fireplace.
Soon Joel returns holding a bunch of sticks and twigs he probably broke off of trees.
"I'm back. I'm just gonna start a fire."
"No, they'll see." I finally speak.
"Ellie, baby, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you." He promises. I know he can't control what happens to me but I nod anyway.
He puts the sticks in the fireplace, and pulls out a light he got from Tommy.
After he makes the fire he turns and grabs my bag. Where did he find my bag?
He opens it and grabs my one other pair of pants and a long sleeve shirt. He walks over and reaches it out as an offering.
I look at him blankly and start taking off the coat he gave me. He turns his head away.
I pull my cut up shirt off and grab the shirt he handed me, and pull it over my head.
Then I grab the pants, and look up at Joel.
He walks over to the fire with his back turned to me.
I take off my blood covered jeans. I freeze
I'm not wearing any underwear. I choke on a sob.
"Ellie?" Joel asks carefully.
"I'm fine." I croak out.
I carefully pull on my non-stained pair of jeans. I let out a strangled whine at how the jeans rub against me.
"Ellie" Joel turns and walks to me, his eyes filled with concern. "What is it?"
"I'm not- I don't-" I can't breathe.
"Okay baby, sit down" he leads me back to the couch. I sit down and he kneels in front of me.
"Ellie, baby, breathe" he moves my hand to his chest, and I try to follow his breathing.
When my breathing is back to regular he moves next to me and I lay under his arm.
"I got you" and I believe him.
"Everything hurts." I say after a minute.
"Okay, can you tell me one thing that hurts?" He asks quietly.
"Everything" I sniffle.
Joel smiles "does your head hurt?"
"Yes"
"Okay, can I look?" I nod
I turn my head so he can see the back of my head, where my head hit the ground.
He carefully moves my hair out of the way to look. After a minute he says, "wait here".
And a few minutes later he had melted down some snow until It was warm.
He walks with a bucket of water and a shirt from his bag.
He carefully tilts my head down so he can see the back of my head.
He gently dabs the wet shirt on a cut, I wince. "Sorry baby."
I feel tears burn my eyes but I don't let them fall.
"Okay, where else?" He asks softly after he cleans off the back of my head.
"My neck" I practically whisper
"Okay." with the same gentleness, he tilts my chin up and dabs on the bleeding bite mark on my neck, careful of the red handprint that will soon turn into a bruise.
When I see the anger in Joel's eyes I let the tears finally fall , I know he's not angry at me but at who did this to me.
"Ellie-" he swallows, dropping his hand. He's thinking of how to ask something I knew he would eventually ask.
"Did someone-" he cuts himself off again.
"Were you… hurt?" He asks cautiously.
"Rape, Joel you can say it." I chuckle despite my crying.
"Okay" he clears his throat. "Were you… were you raped?"
I let out a breath and I think for a moment.
"I- I think so" I say unsure.
I know what rape is, one of the girls back in the QZ was raped by a guard. He didn't suffer any consequences. I don’t know if I was raped, does it count if I was unconscious at the beginning so I was unable to say no. But I did tell him to stop. So I was raped?
"Yeah, yeah I was, and then I killed him." I gasp, "I killed him"
Despite the pain in my ribs, head, neck, and stomach, I lean down to hide my face in my hands to hide my sobbing.
"Ellie come here" I lean into his chest and let his arms wrap around me. "I got you, I got you baby girl."
When my cries stop I mumble into his chest, "I wanna go home."
"What was that?"
"I wanna go back to Jackson." I say leaning back and looking him in the eye.
His eyes are wet almost like he's been crying too.
"Are you sure?" He asks, still holding me.
"Yes. I don’t wanna don’t wanna keep doing this just for it to not work, I'm done. This world fucking sucks." I lean back against him.
And then with a watery voice he says "Okay baby, we'll go back."