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Leos shoved his palms into his eyes, pushing desperately in hope on relieving the pressure building.
What was he doing. This was so utterly pathetic-
"nardo tell us whats wrong" donnie said, confused and concered. Leo took his hands away from his face, making eye-contact with his twin.
When he looked, he saw that donnie didnt look judgy or annoyed, he didnt look like he wanted to tell leo to just shut the hell up and get over it. He looked genuinely concerned.
"delete them" leo choked out a mumble, throat feeling tight and clogged.
"delete what?" donnie asked confusedly, furrowing his brows. Leo didnt think he could feel any more stupid and pathetic. He shouldn't... it was so dumb.
"the recordings from the invasion. you record everything, i heard them. i want you to delete them" leo stated, breaking eye-contact.
Donnies eyes went wide, not expecting his twin to have found the recordings, let alone listen to them. He only listened to them to try and figure out something that leo went through, even though the recording had cut out as soon as leos comms broke; he didnt learn anything. Leo had refused to talk about it, refused to mention what happened. Donnie wanted to understand so badly.
"is that whats got you so upset? the reminder of the invasion?" mikey asks gently, scooting closer to his older brother and taking his hand gently.
Orange; warmth, kindness, support. Everything his little brother was. Leo squeezed his hand and shook his head, eyes trained down.
"then what is it?" raph asked, chasm present and worry lacing his voice.
Why did raph have to be the one to ask. Leo wanted to retreat into his shell and ignore them, wither away in there and never come out.
When he made eye contact with his big brother his lip trembled and throat closed.
"y-you- you gave up on m-me" his voice cracked at the end as he swallowed his tears.
Donnie thought back to the recordings, eyes widening. He pulled up his wrist tech, scrolling through his recordings file and pulling up his comms from when leo went through the portal.
"are you talking about this?" he asked, pressing play.
"mikey, its over"
"le-"
Donnie stopped the recording when he saw leo shake his head yes. Raphs eyes widened, waves of regret and guilt washed over him in endless hits. If the universe wanted him to drown in his own moral culpability- well it was doing a good job.
"leo i didnt mean-" he tried, but stopped when leo hid his head in his knees and let out another sob, finally letting the tears that were caught in his throat free as he let out shuddering breaths.
"b-but you di-did" he weeped. He was so sad, words couldnt express it. And they were all so, so very sad for their brother as well.
"leo we saved you, we didnt give up" mikey said wobbly, trying his best to sound light and loving. Leo wasnt one to cry, not like this and not here. Mikey was so sad he wanted to cry with him.
"but you were going to!" he wailed, ripping his head out of his arms and sniffling.
He looked towards raph.
"you gave up" he said.
"you didnt say a thing" he looked towards donnie.
"and you, my sweet baby brother," he started, looking towards mikey with a softer gaze than before, something less of sad and betrayed, more... numb.
"you should have given up as well" he mumbled finally, tears flowing free out of his eyes.
"thats not true!" mikey yelled, diving to leo and wrapping his arms around him.
"ill never ever give up on you. dont you ever say that" he muttered bitterly, squeezing leo tighter.
Raph moved closer, cupping leos head in his large hands and wiping at damp red stripes with his thumb.
"baby brother i love you so much- and im so so sorry i said that. i saw the explosion and just- i shattered leo because theres nothing i wouldnt do to keep you safe and i couldnt fathom that thought. but when mikey started opening that portal, i knew that we could get you back and all three of us brought you back. we did that because we want and need you here leo. dont ever say that we should have given up, or left you in that place. you do not deserve to be there" raph said gently, eyes going glossy when he watched leos bottom lip wobble.
"nardo i- Galileo. i didnt not say anything because i wanted you gone or i gave up. i didnt say anything because... god this is hard- i didnt say anything because you're my dum dum twin and by that logic you're my other half. i cant lose my other half" donnie said from his position across from his twin. The softshell struggled with his words, but leo understood completely. He started crying again.
"y-you shouldnt- why arent you mad at me?" leo mumbled, sniffling pathetically.
Raph couldnt take it anymore, he had been trying to give leo space but he just couldnt. He scooped his little brother up in his arms gently, cradling him close to his plastron.
It only made the slider cry harder.
"you didnt do anything wrong leo, you're a kid who made a dumb mistake. it wasnt your fault, we dont blame you and we're not mad" raph cooed, nuzzling the top of leos head.
"it would be most logical to place blame on the kraang, or thr foot clan, or hypno and the other guy i cant remember the name of. you are no a logical person to be mad at." donnie says, taking one of leos hands and playing with his fingers.
It was a small action to show donnie was paying attention, as well as keeping leo grounded. The tended to disassociate when faced with emotionally challenged situations, similar to his twin who would just ignore whoever was trying to get him to talk about his feelings.
The difference was leo would actually shut down, get stuck in his head. They tried to prevent that.
"lee, the only person who blames you for the invasion is yourself. it wasnt your fault. you didnt deserve to be locked up in a prison dimension with a murderous, insane otherwordly alien hell-bent on destroying earth. does that really sound like something we'd blame you for? a random sixteen year old who had to save the world? if it werent for you, the foot would have gotten the key either way and then the kraang would have destroyed the world. you saved us, you saved everyone" mikey spoke confidently, watching leos emotions shown on his face.
He went over it in his head... blaming a sixteen year old for a bunch of sadistic, culty, murderous, merciless, unbeatable aliens whl have been trying to reach earth for like a hundered years? After that very sixteen year old sacrificed himself to save all of humanity.
He guessed it really didnt make sense logically.
"i don' care about any 'f that, i jus' don' wanna loose you guys" leo mumbled sadly.
Donnie stopped playing with leos fingers and held his hand tightly.
"nardonyou will never loose us" he said seriously.
"we promise leo" mikey assured, smiling lovingly.
"nothing will ever keep me a part from you guys, as long as raphs still breathin he wont let anythin keep him from little brothers" raph guaranteed warmly. Leo looked up to meet his big brothers eyes.
"even the annoying ones who dont deserve it?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. Raph softed and softly bumped their foreheads together.
"raph doesnt have any little brothers who dont deserve it, only ones who deserve the world" he churred, smiling when leo let out a small chuckle.
Then the slider yawned, eyes going foggy and drooping.
He was so exhausted, and now that his previous anxietys relating to his brothers hating him had been eased, he felt the effects of lack of sleep wash over him.
"you tired buddy?"raph asked gently, shifting leo in his arms to cradle him like a baby. The slider nodded his head, trying to stay awake as he melted into the touch.
"do not fall asleep yet, let me get you water first so you arent dehydrated. crying is an easy way to dehydrate and for a semi-aquatic being like yourself you-"
"dee i dont think hes listening, just go get the water before he falls asleep" mikey says with a giggle, watching the softshell leave quickly.
"how come you didnt sleep?" raph asked gently, talking to keep the slider awake a little longer.
He was clearly exhausted, from lack of sleep and emotional drainage. And with the weight lifted off his chest and his brothers around, he couldnt help but feel calm and droopy.
"nigh'mares 'nd insomnia" he mumbled.
Donnie was make mere moments later holding a glass and telling raph to sit leo up so he could drink. Leo groaned as the glass was put against his lips.
"just drink it. all of it" donnie ordered, watcing as leo slowly drank. The slider hadn't realised how thirsty he actually was, but eventually got tired of holding his head up and drooped, making donnie take the mostly empty glass from him.
Raph pulled him back close, and as his eyes started to close he felt another wave of anxiety hit him. He shot up, whining at the dizzy feeling in his head from sitting up too fast.
"leo? what's wrong?" mikey asked immediately, confused. He thought the slider woukd go to sleep immediately.
Leo looked to his brothers and sighed, averting his gaze down to his lap as he played nervously witu his fingers.
"i dont want to... i dont wanna have another nightmare" he whispered, making the others soften. They didnt say anything as they conversed silently, leo either not aware or too tired to care.
"if you do, we'll be right here with you to chase all the monsters away" raph promised, a goofy loving smile resting on his face.
They all seemed to make up their mind, standing up off the bed with raph following, their sleep deprived leader in blue wrapped up in his big arms.
"hey what are we-"
"shhhh" he was shushed by mikey as they walked into the living room.
Donnie went to the TV to set it up, going into apps and picking a show. Mikey ran off and quickly came back with piles of pillows and blankets. Raph worked his big brother magic, practically swaddling leo and holding his comfortingly in his arms.
Jupiter Jim started playing and the other two joined them on the couch. Mikey was curled into raphs right, mikey on his left while leo was held closely to his chest and they rocked ever so softly.
The repeated motion was soothing, donnie was scratching his shell lightly while mikey hummed along to the theme song of the show.
He wanted to make some joke to raph about how he wasnt a baby, but he'd be lying if he said the protective hold while rocking was soothing and wanted.
He'd be lying if he said he didnt miss raph swaddling them in blankets to keep them warm.
He'd be lying if he said that this didnt make him feel worthless and unlovable like he had.
His eyelids felt heavy, struggling to keep them open as he tried to savour this moment more, if only for a few minutes.
He felt like his was the centre of a little comfort club, and he adored it. Craved it.
"sleep little brother, we'll be here when you wake up" raph cooed, watching his little brothers eyes finally close and not reopen, body slumping completely and breathing evening out.
Raph was right, they were there when he woke up seven hours later, and then stayed when he then slept for another twelve, waking up to his brothers then as well.
Leo knew he could sleep, he knew they would never give up. It was over, and he was glad.