Chapter Text
Leo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in and out before reopening them, offering a sad looking smile.
"s-sorry guys... i guess i just got a little overwhelmed? haha..." leo chuckled sheepishly, pretending to be hiding embarrassment under false nervousness.
He needed to get his way out of this. He made the mistake of breaking down infront of his brothers over something so idiotic and simple, and they arent allowed to know.
He wont ruin this family any more than he already has.
His three brothers visibly relaxed at the sliders voice, eternally thankful their brother was no longer acting like a fucking-
"leo what happened?" and that was the question wasnt it? What was he supposed to tell them? He couldnt possibly tell them the truth, his face man reputation was clearly already tainted.
"nothing i just couldnt sleep because you know, regular leon insomniac, and got frustrated and started crying like a big baby. and that made me really like... overwhelmed and overstimulated? im all good now, i just feel like i need to do something" leo said, not completely lying but still not telling the truth.
His brothers seemed to buy it, raph listening concernedly, mikey nodding in understanding and support and donnie watching intently.
"meltdown?" donnie asked, referring to leos ASD. Thats a good cover, leos need to do something could be passed of as his understimulation issues.
Leo looked down and smiled sheepishly, nodding his head. When leo had meltdowns or panic attacks of any kind, he was always very embarrassed afterwards, not wanting to be seen as a child or weak. He knew they saw his embarrassment and reinacted it, lying out of his ass.
"yea i guess... sorry for not coming out of my room" leo mumbled, hiding his his racing thoughts under guilt and anxiety while he gently bumped his fists up and down into his thighs.
He didnt have a meltdown, his sensory issues were playing up a little bit sure but it wasnt that. It was a panic attack, ptsd flashbacks, paranoia, intrusive thoughts and insecurities.
He felt guilty lying over something like that, but it kind of just stemmed into his whole "im not autistic what do you mean" thing he had going on in his head because the only other autistic people hes seen are his twin and sam gardener from atypical. He wasnt anything like them.
Internalised ableism. Fun times right?
Mikey assured him that everyone was different though, and he was definetly on the spectrum. Yay.
"its perfectly fine buddy, you could have told us earlier ya know? we could'a helped" raph said, smiling warmly and opening his arms for a hug. Leo swallowed down the bile rising in his throat and tuned out the screaming voices in his head, crawling towards his big brother and letting himself be engulfed by his big self.
"leo are you sure you're okay? do you need anything? its alright to ask for accommodations, you're not weak or childish for needing support" mikey said gently, offering a warm smile.
Leo couldnt think with the growing urge to vomit in his chest. Throat. Stomach? All of it. Leo felt sick in all of those parts. He hated that anxiety affected him phsycially, it fucking sucked.
He bounded off the bed towards his trash can, retching and coughing up stomach acid since he hadnt eaten in a long time.
Ew...
Alright, what did leo need... what did he need. What could he ask for.
He needed to do something, they werent going to leave him alone so it had to be with atleast one of his brothers. It couldnt be with raph right now, he couldnt.
He couldnt think while in the middle of vomiting his guts up. He felt a soothing hand rubbing circles on his carapace, it didnt really help, but it felt nice.
"there you go leo, its alright" raph murmured from next to him.
Leo pulled his head out of the trash, sitting up and opening his eyes. They were all on the floor now, well except donnie who was still on the bed hiding from the vomit. Mikey was on his right and raph on his left.
He felt lightheaded now, emptier than before he vomited if that was even possible. But now his throat hurt and he had a pulsing headache.
Mikey wrapped his arms around the slider, who slumped into his side with his eyes closed.
"that was so fucking gross" leo muttered, sticking his tongue out to emphasise his point.
"language leo" raph scolded, frowning. Leo rolled his eyes.
"soz big bro, my bad. i love to vomit, it feels heavin'ly" he retorted sarcastically, smirking when raph groaned.
"ill get rid of this" raph muttered, grabbing the bin and leaving the room quickly. Donnie finally made his way to the floor with his brothers.
"nardo, when did you eat last?" donnie asked, taking a seat infront of his little brothers.
"uhh... dinner last night with you guys? obviously" leo replied.
"no, you didnt eat with us. you were at run of the mill while we ate and said you would eat later, remember?" right, he forgot he did that. In all honesty he had no idea the last time he sat down and ate a meal.
"ohh... yea i ate in like the middle of the night. honestly thought i imagined it but i remember how hunrgy i was" he lied flawlessly.
"well lets go eat! its already three in the afternoon" mikey beamed, standing up suddenly and almost making leo fall. The youngest ran off out of the room, supposedly into the kitchen.
The slider watched his twin stand up as well and sighed, heaving himself up as well.
He swayed dizzily, almost falling over if it wasnt for his twin steadying him. Black spots danced around his vision for a few moments before clearly, his head now pounding.
"when was the last time you had any water?" donnie questioned, still keeping a firm grip with his arm wrapped around leos back.
"that... i dont actually know" he said without thinking, trying to clear his mind a little.
He was tired, honestly hungry, dehydrated and sad. Honestly, couldnt he just pick a struggle?
"your inability to take care of yourself never ceases to surprise me" donnie says sarcastically, walking leo to the kitchen.
"i can take care of myself perfectly fine. im just... having an off day, thats all" leo mumbled defensively, pulling away from his twin and supporting himself as they walked. He always took care of himself, he didnt need their help.
He's done perfectly fine supplying his own things and looking after his brothers. Being the medic and leader, he'd say hes pretty fucking good at it.
He tries to ignore that any of them could take his placs.
He makes sure no ones ever worried about him, or suspects anything. Because thats basically the same as looking after yourself, right? Right.
So if leo had to sit here and lie, to keep his... he didnt even know what to call them. What do you call your brothers when they give up on you and dont even consider trying to save you? Disloyal or dishonest wasnt right, he kinda felt betrayed. But also just plain hurt.
He guessed it wasnt that big of a deal, he gave up on himself too. He'd leave himself for dead too. He'd hope he was dead too-
But he was here because his brothers saved him, so what the fuck was his issue? Why would he ever bring it up.
He deserved to stay in the prison dimension- but then he would've died...
Leo deserved to stay in the prison dimension. Afterall, he is the one who caused the almost end of the world.
His family already gave up on him once, all he had to do was get them to do it again. And then they'd finally leave him alone, like he deserved! And then they'd be so much happier without him around.
Their help wont last, they wont want to deal with him. Today was only the beginning of a life that should've never continued.