Chapter Text
"leo? is the food okay?" mikey snaps him out of his thoughts, forcing him to shove another spoonful in his mouth.
The slider smiled brightly and gave a thumbs up
"si miguel, sabe bueno como de costumbre grac-" leos spanish mumble through food was interrupted by his twin.
"nardo you forgot to switch to english again" donnie muttered, irritated, poking his twins stipes with a spoon.
Leo rolled his eyes and swatted his brother away, swallowing down nausea and food before speaking again.
"lo siento lo siento, forgoties thats yous werent cool and mexican like me and tío" the slider said cockily, sticking his tongue out in his twin.
Often when he came home from huesos, he would just speak full spanish sentences on accident, forgetting that his brothers barely understood a word he was saying.
That was a good cover though, he had gone to run of the mill like they thought, but he had only helped out in the afternoon. He went home right after and just hid in his room all afternoon without them knowing.
He just had a feeling... and wanted to be left alone.
Now he has thoughts to those feelings, huh? Funny isnt it.
"eo- leo!"
"huh?" he looked up to his brothers, who were all staring at him with concerned looks on their faces.
"why are you staring at me weirdly- is there something on my gorgeous face!?" leo shrieked, quickly patting his face to see if there was anything on it.
Face man. Thats what he was.
Had to sell it, didnt he? He already made the shitty mistake this morning,
his brothers
cant
know.
All he needed to do was get them to give up, slowly all his family one by one to just-
give up.
"no no, you just..." raph started, watching leo with furrowed brows.
"just what?" leo asked casually, bright magenta eyes complimenting his little lashes that he had as he smiled innocently.
He couldn't let them worry.
"nothing, you just didnt answer for a moment there. are you still feelin sick?" that wasnt what his big brother wanted to say, he could tell. The other two wanted to add something as well, but they watched silently for the moment.
If they really thought leo couldnt tell what they were thinking- REALLY believed his little smile and bat of his eyes...
then maybe he wasnt the stupid one they all thought he was.
"oh foreal? nah hermano im all good, must've zoned out for a sec. thanks for the food mikester!" leo beamed standing up and taking his plate to the sink before anyone could see how much he actually ate.
He felt awful, he supressed the urge to gag at the thought of eating more.
"oh- you're welcome!" mikey smiled brightly, glad he could make good food for his family.
"wait- where d'ya think you're goin?" raph said quickly as leo went to walk out of the kitchen.
"im going to reorganise the med bay, duh. SOMEONE made a fat mess in there looking for saline the other day and i havent had time to do it yet" leo announced, taking a moment to glare at his twin.
"scoff! i would never, you must be hallucinating dear brother" donnie defends, turning his nose up and smirking.
Mikey and raph know he totally would, and does, regularly, on purpose, just to piss his twin off.
"whatever! im out like your mum in a beauty pagent"
"we'd have the same mum dum dum!"
Leo made his way out of the room, flipping off his twin with a smirk before running so raph couldnt reprimand him.
"donnie what had doctor delicate touch told you about instigating and enabling when it comes to leo. you're going to make raphs chasm bigger!" mikey lectured dramatically, pointing towards raph who had already reached his middle child nonsense limit for the day.
"well, as nardo would insufferably insist with his incredibly annoying voice, we are the disaster twins afterall, end quote" donnie said, using one of his mechanical arms to pat raph on the head as some form of compesation for his troubles.
"do you think he was different?" raph asked suddenly, lowering his voice in case the slider was nearby.
Mikey gets up, taking the dishes to the sink and running the water, humming to himself.
"i mean, not really. we all have bad days, and leos always gotten frusterated with his insomnia from time to time. getting overstimulated and lashing out in some way is perfectly normal, especially for those two" the younger says, gesturing to the singular twin still in the room.
"yea but he left so quickly after eating, what if hes-"
"raph hes not avoiding you. he was clearly understimulated and anxious, audhd things. you both worked through that whole resentment thing not even a week after the invasion, remember? we all worked through our issues, and we're better off for it now. leo never didnt trust us, he thought we didnt trust him. but thats over now, you need to just breathe and relax" the snapper closed his eyes and sighed softly, shaking his head.
"yea, you're right mike, sorry guys. raph just worries about his little brothers, thats all" he mumbled.
Mikey leaped towards his big brother, jumping on top of his shell and wrapping his little arms around his head in a hug.
Two of donnies mechanical arms reached out to pat both his brothers on the head, but mikey had other plans and pulled the softshell over to join the hug.
"would it make you feel better if dee went and checked on him?"
"wait why me?!"
"because donnie!"
Raph let out a chuckle, smiling softly at his brothers useless squabbling.
"it would, but you dont have to don, im sure hes okay" he says, pulling the clingy youngest up in the air so donnie can 'break free' of the current prison he was being kept in (a group hug).
"sigh, fine. but if you hear screams, it was definetly not me disorganising his notes that he insists are in a system" raph gives him a look, telling him to not be a pest as donnie leaves with a smile and thumbs up.
"how long do you wanna bet before one of them starts a fight?"
"michelangelo, we dont bet on our brothers"
"sorry..."
"but raph would give them five minutes today"
-
Leos brothers would claim the med bay was a mess, and it was! It was a massive mess, it had been disorganised and now he had to fix it again. He had a system, that the others CLEARLY didnt understand.
He was still feeling anxious, raphs voice was in the back of his mind paired with the kraangs screams and the lack of gravity-
No, no. He was organising right now. He was in his medbay, HIS medbay, and everything was fine.
Thinking of the lack of gravity in the prison dimension was always a trigger for dissociation. Sometimes he caught it, like now, and sometimes he didnt.
It was only worrying for his brothers when they couldnt ground him, sometimes he'd get stuck for hours.
But, he hadnt let them see that in a while. They had to keep thinking he was getting better, because thats what everyone was doing. Getting better. They have gotten better, so the fact that leo hadnt, HAD to remain a secret.
When he was anxious he liked to devote all his time to organising his medbay.
The other three often didnt think anything of it, leo always liked his space organised in his own way even if it looked like a total mess to them. He would usually get side tracked early on and immerse himself in something, hyper-fixating for the next however long. It was like when donnie got immersed in his science and wouldnt leave his lab for ages.
No, it was when leo was organising because of his anxiety that they got worried, and they could tell the difference. That was when everything had to be perfect, everything had to be in some sort of order, often by topic and then in numerical order of dates or editions etcetera etcetera. He wouldn't get sidetracked, he just had to be doing something. Hands constantly moving while he distracted himself.
He hadnt done that in a while, it wasnt exactly a healthy coping mechanism. He'd stay in there and lose track of time, not eating or sleeping. His brothers got him out of it once it got really bad after the invasion, same with donnie and isolating himself in his lab.
Raph and mikey started with getting them to atleast isolate themselves together, leo would do his studies in the lab or he would reorganise all of donnies things once he was done with his own, and vice versa.
At some point he'd fall asleep to the sound of his twins typing after being awake for days on end, donnie joining him after seeing how comfy he looked and registering how tired he actually was.
It was getting them to eat and leave the rooms that was hard, but they got through it.
They were all better.
Leo didnt hear when donnie entered the medbay, too busy taking everything out of his medicine shelves so he could place them all back in a certain sequence.
Theres gravity here, which means theres no kraang or prison dimension, everythings fine. If there wasnt gravity then all these bottles would be floating in empty space-
After those he would move to his bookshelves, which he had multiple of. Some were novels, there was a large bookcase with medical textbooks, a few shelves dedicated to his own notes that his brothers referred to a LOT when leo was unconcious and unable to do anything.
Unconcious because of the kraang, because of the abuse and trauma his body suffered. He liked to lie and say he was blinded by physical pain, really strong pain meds and a rough fucking concussion.
But really if he wasnt doped up on meds he was extremely dissociated, an issue he tried and failed to hide from his family. It was just the floaty feeling and the gravity it just-
Theres labels: moderate/mild pain, strong pain, serious pain, migraines, stomach medication, antibiotics, antioxidants and vitamins, adhd medication, anxiety medication, sleeping medication.
The list goes on, and they all needed to be sorted into their own labels. The labels were lined up in a way that the medication types most regularly used were easy to grab.
There were a couple of these medications that donnie was worried leo would end up addicted to because he was on just a constant dose of them after pulling him through the portal.
They almost didnt pull him through, if it wasnt for mikey and his sudden upgrade in mystic powers.
its over
please stop...
its over
YOU WRETCHED LITTLE PEST-
its over
do i die here?
its over
ILL-
"nardo?" he flinched at the sudden voice, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Thank God, he almost got lost in his head. He couldnt do that.
He couldnt get out on his own when he did, and sometimes his brothers couldnt help him either.
He would get stuck, unable to be grounded and constantly stuck in his mind or being aware for moments at a time. He could never tell when he slept or was just in the void with his eyes closed, but the void existed with his eyes open as well.
It was like a... a shade, or something, just casted over his mind. Cotton filled his ears and he often couldn't move or talk, like in a catatonic state. Muteness, staring spells, slowness in activity. That mixed with dissociation. Not really fun, it got frustrating not being able to do anything and he hated worrying his brothers. Especially when he was stuck somewhere he didnt want to be. But when it was just the void? Nothing? Blankness? Sometimes it was nice. He hated to admit it. How fucked up is that?
He experienced it before, like he said earlier with just after the invasion. He didnt know what it was then, but he does now. It makes it... easier? To recognise, he guessed.
Donnies brows furrowed when he saw the context of the cabinets shelves completely pulled a part, he really hadnt made that much of a mess the other day. He just liked to manoeuvre a few bottles around to mess with leo every now and then, little things that would drive him crazy as revenge for his own schemes.
The softshell wasnt great with recognising emotions, or expressing them, but he knew his twin like he knew the wiring of his tech.
This wasnt understimuation activities, this was leo trying to keep himself distracted. Keep from spiralling into something. The softshell could recognise that immediately, and quickly shut down any plans of bothering his brother.
"hey don ton" the slider replied back, not looking at his twin as he aggressively wiped at the shelves for any traces of dust.
He hated dust. The prison dimension was full of dust and debris.
"are you... okay?" fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-
"yea, why wouldnt I be?" he asked, finally turning to donnie and smiling while he continued to wipe.
It was suspicious if he just avoided eye-contact, possibly, maybe? Ugh but he couldnt stop. He needed to distraction.
"you're displaying the behavioural pattern for your anti-anxiety grounding organising in contast to your regular unconcerning organising. you're reorganising things for no apparent reason" donnie explains flatly, a tone that would be considered insulting if you didnt know him.
Leo thought he was doing a good fucking job at hiding it, but he guesses not. Usually he'd obsessively organise everything.
And by everything, he meant the entire lair.
If they went to aprils, he'd go reorganise her kitchen or her bookshelf.
If they went to run of the mill he'd go organise huesos entire office and papers.
He wasnt doing that! So its fine.
Just. Fine.
Fuck, okay. Leo needed a solution to this and fast. What else could he do, what was he trying to do?
He was trying not to dissociate and get stuck. He was trying to get his brothers to give up so he could-
"no its not that, i havent done that in a while remember? im just kinda understimulated right now, i need something to keep my hands busy ya'know?" leo assured, stopping what he was doing and pulling his arms behind his back to hide his stimming and fiddling with his fingers.
He needed to do something, maybe go for a run or- or a swim! Thats what he needed. He needed to go for a swim. He hadnt swam in ages.
The only one of the four who didnt like swimming very much was mikey, he had an aversion to the water and would only really shower and wash dishes, things like that.
Otherwise the other three enjoyed a good time in the water, but they havent been for a long time.
Leo used to use it as a coping mechanism, and it got really bad right after the invasion. They banned him from swimming alone, and prevented it when he was in a bad mindset.
The water might have been calming, he liked the cold beaches the most. They had waves and he could float and be moved, the cold was so nice and familiar to his usually cold body temperature.
But the cold reminded him of the prison dimension, so did the choppy waves as he floated. It sent him into that void between awareness. He was aware enough to still like, hold his breath and not die when in the ocean under the water so it was fine.
One time he... one time something went wrong. Thats why he's banned.
Sometimes he wasnt even thinking about anything when he was in the void, he just wasn't there. Didnt matter where he was or what he was doing.
Logically he knew it wasnt a void, he was dissociating. But he felt like he went somewhere.
He had been asked by mikey "where do you go?" when hes grounded. Hes heard raph ask mikey and donnie "where does he go?" when hes slipping in and out.
But he hadnt let himself be like that in a while, he just... he doesnt even know, forced himself? If having a panic attack or hurting himself kept him grounded well then thats what he needed to do because his brothers were all getting better and he didnt want to ruin that.
He was fine! Its not like any of this was unhealthy, hes still alive. He honestly... he missed the void. He needed his coping mechanisms. But his brothers claimed all of them went to extreme levels and became unhealthy, whats with that? They worked didnt they?
Now leo wasnt allowed to swim alone, or in the beaches at all. Only warm temperatured lakes with his brothers when they all felt like going.
"that... does sound plausible..." donnie muttered to himself, and leo saw the conflicted look in his eyes.
"i promise you im not lying. you know i get understimulated, thats why i prefer note-taking instead of typing remember? i have things to hold and i have to think about it more compared to the muscle memory of knowing where every letter is" he snaps slightly, beginning to restack medication boxes in their little slots he had made.
It made it so he could easily pull out any boxes and none of them would ever fall or become disorganised because they were all separated by a thin wall of wood in a checkerboard pattern.
"well for the record i only came in here because micheal forced me too. raph was worried about you but you are clearly okay" the softshell replied back in his regular bored tone, already accustomed to his twins attitude.
"tell the big guy im fine, and get out of my medbay before you fuck with anymore of my shit" leo said casually with a wave of his hand.
Donnie rolled his eyes and left, passing by his brothers in the living room.
"he says he's fine. i thought he might be doing his anxious obsessive organisation mechanism, but im ninety two percent sure he is simply understimulated" the scientist says with a wave of his hand, walking off towards his lab without another thought.
"see raph? leons okay, now relax" mikey beamed, giving his big brother a squeeze before running off somewhere.
Raph sighed, he was relieved his little brother was okay, but he couldnt shake the worry that embedded itself inside him.
Raph was right for that worry, leo was spiralling,
fast.
And he wasnt planning to stop.