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The adepti. The strong, stalwart protectors of Liyue, unmovable and rigid as stone in their determination. They had stood by Liyue since the dawn of time, showing no hesitation, no doubt, simply carrying out their duties faithfully. For them, weaknesses such as anxiety were unthinkable.
The young yaksha adeptus rapidly pacing back and forth across a field in the Guilin Plains, shaking his head rapidly as if in the throes of some anguish, however, apparently hadn't gotten the message.
Were Xiao of his right mind he would be disgusted by his current behavior. But the well-composed Xiao and the Xiao of this moment were skies and stars apart.
Because the demon known for death and despair had made a huge mistake. He had involved himself with a figure of life, the kind golden-haired traveler who had saved Liyue. He had accepted the risk of involving himself with her, indulged in it.
And now that same girl had told him she was pregnant.
His mind had become a whirlwind, questions of corruption, karma, death, mortal lifespans, all tumbling through his head, all too fast and ethereal to even catch. Even the crystalflies avoided him, scattering upon every step he took.
But then the random pattern of their flight ceased, and they began to head for one direction, as though seeking out their element. Xiao looked up to see a familiar well-dressed man walking over the ground towards him, hands clasped behind his back.
"I believe it is generally customary not to immediately teleport away from your significant other when they make an announcement like this," Zhongli noted dryly.
"Re-- Zhongli ," Xiao choked out at the sign of his former master. "You... you heard?"
Zhongli chuckled. "She told me first, actually."
Xiao sputtered. "Sh-she told you first!? N-no offense, sir, but… but why–!?”
Zhongli, ever the portrait of serenity, put his hand up to assuage his not -so-serene protege. "No need for formalities, Xiao, not anymore. And as for Lumine, she was, well... worried , about how you would take it," he answered simply.
Xiao clenched his fists, looking away. “... Dammit ,” he cursed. Of course, before even giving a proper response, he had managed to fuck up.
Zhongli gave a soft smile, then clenched his hand into a fist, rising it high into the sky. The earth trembled, splitting open, and a rock like a bench sprang forth from the depths. Zhongli surveyed it, nodded, then sat down on it, gesturing for Xiao to sit next to him. The yaksha shakily made his way over.
Zhongli really did have a calming presence, even when simply sitting silently, and the radiation of that spread to Xiao. His breathing soon slowed down to normal levels, and the winds of the whirling torment of his mind died down somewhat.
"What do I do?" he whispered, staring out over the grass as he clutched the billowing fabric of his pants.
"What do you want to do?"
Xiao shook his head wildly. "I... I can't. I'm tainted. I would hurt her. Or maybe him? I don’t even know. Lumine, she… I might still end up hurting her, too. But she… she said she was willing to take that risk, so I said I’d take it too. But... a baby? An innocent child? I… I can’t …"
Xiao was normally never at a loss for the minimal amount of words he was willing to say, but right now, he had no way to properly express the utter hopelessness he felt. There was a dream there, a sweet dream just out of his reach, close enough to burn even though he knew he could not grasp it.
Zhongli hummed in response. The two sat there in silence, looking over the grass of the plains.
Eventually, Zhongli broke the silence. "...How has your karmic debt been lately?"
"It’s… it's not as bad as it used to be, but..."
Zhongli nodded. "And has it hurt Lumine at all since the time you met her?
"No, but it’s not just that!" Xiao clenched his teeth, looking at his fists in his lap. “There’s no record of a half-yaksha child! Would it even survive? How long? Gods, would I outlive my own child–”
Zhongli placed a hand on Xiao's shoulder. The move was not comforting – in fact, the force behind it made the younger adeptus turn to face him. Those amber eyes had turned from thoughtful to utterly serious, and any further words Xiao had died in his throat.
Zhongli reached out his hand into the air, a crystalfly immediately landing on it, its wings pulsing amber in resonance. “This crystalfly will only live for a month, just as its parents did, and its parents before it. Do you think, right now, it is cursing the day it was born? The happiness it feels from taking in my energy will eventually go away. But would you still call its actions, its existence meaningless?” Zhongli – no, Rex Lapis, or at least what remained of him – turned to face Xiao. "I don’t believe anyone is truly, completely prepared for bringing life into the world. But that does not prevent the world from continuing the cycle. I won't tell you what decision you should take. I do not have that right. But I will tell you that clinging onto the past out of fear for the future is merely stagnation. Time moves on, and it has no mercy. All things, even you , shall end some day. But you cannot stop time. It will flow, and it will take, regardless of what you do. But happiness and love, no matter how transient, cannot be called meaningless."
Xiao stared. Those amber eyes staring back at him… They were not the eyes of Zhongli, the funeral consultant. Nor were they the eyes of Rex Lapis, the wise god of contracts. They were the eyes of Morax, the former god of war, kneeling in a field of glaze lilies under a blackened sky, desperately clutching his arms to his chest as though he could keep the beloved remainders of dust held within them from blowing away in the wind forever.
Zhongli closed his eyes, and the image was broken, returning to the unmovable former god of geo once again. He smiled softly and got up from the rock. "Well, that's all I wished to say. In the end, the choice is yours, and I will not begrudge you either way.” He chuckled, lacing his hands behind his back and looking out over the grass. “I appreciate you taking the time to listen to an old soul’s ramblings."
Xiao watched Zhongli walk across the plains back to Liyue. The rock bench slowly sank back into the ground, gently lowering Xiao onto the grass. From here, he could see the crystalflies dance around, lighting upon the green stalks, their lively orange wings flapping in the wind. One, misguided in the unmoving statue of an adeptus, landed upon his hand as though he were just another structure of the earth. Such short lives these things lived, and yet…
He couldn’t deny how beautiful they were.
He took a deep breath, lifting his hand, sending the crystalfly soaring back into the sky. And he teleported back to the inn, an answer finally in his heart.