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Clicking the 'Leave Meeting' button, Izzy's awkward smile fell. Closing over the laptop, he draped his arms over it and carefully lay his head down onto the warm case. He didn't know how to feel. How to think. An hour long call had felt simultaneously like an eternity but also like it had gone by too fast. He could barely recall what he had said. If he had said enough. If he'd spoken too much.
"Go well?" Ed's voice called from the bathroom, garbled behind his obvious attempt to fix forgetting to brush his teeth this morning and deciding to brush them now at 3pm. Iz had badgered him to get his chores done while he was busy, so he hoped that Ed had gone non linear or else all that was done was brushing teeth and changing the bed.
Shutting his eyes to quell his overactive mind, Iz made a non-committal grumble. He wasn't really sure. He'd already been burned by the public Gender Service, claiming he was too old to be only discovering his gender identity yet when he'd brought up feeling this way as young as 6, had been told that was too young to have had those type of thoughts. This private service, however? It was almost too reassuring. It felt like a dash of hope that he wasn't due to have, ready to be yanked from his grasp at a moment's notice.
Hearing the pitter patter of Edward's feet enter the living room slash kitchen area of their reasonable sized, over priced apartment, Iz rose his head and gave a sigh. Ed's hair was not brushed. He'd definitely gone linear on that list. "Assessment done. £195 that coulda been spent on food, really."
Ed's bright brown eyes faltered, a mix of worry and confusion as he moved over to sit on the dodgy leather couch that had come with the apartment. "It went good though, yeah?" He was trying not to sound so excited, but Iz could almost see the metaphorical tail wagging behind him. Hyper already. Probably planning out every step from now to when Iz's voice would drop. He always planned too far ahead like that.
Iz shrugged. How could he even tell if it went well? What was good when it came to having to beg for people to give you access to healthcare that shouldn't require this many fucking hoops? Having to convince people after people after doctor after psychiatrist after endocrinologist, talking through every trauma, every sex act, everything from your first memory to your last orgasm? Only to just now... Pay 200 quid and just tell them how you don't want kids and feel like a man?
"Didn't tell you to fuck off this time?"
"No."
"You got to talk about everything?"
"I.. yeah."
"Say anything about your Top Surgery?"
Iz rose his eyes to the ceiling, flopping back into the computer chair in defeat. When he'd gone for his first appointment at the Service, they'd scolded him for daring to get surgery before their approval. Like they controlled his body. Like a shit parent, yet they'd never say the same if he was sauntering in with a nose job or a fucking tattoo. But this time? "The fact I got that already means I clearly mean it."
Ed gave a small laugh, slapping his knee in excitement. "Perfect! There's no way you won't get T then."
Iz continued to stare at the ceiling, scrunching his nose in annoyance as he mapped out the scuffs and stains that hung above their heads. "£30 subscription, and that doesn't cover the damn thing though."
"C'mon, Iz!" Ed whined, playful in his tone. "We work this shit out. You get the first 3 months, try it out, then wait to refill til the next gig, repeat. It's not always gonna be rough going."
"You haven't got a gig, Edward!" Iz didn't mean to raise his voice, but the sharpness in his gaze as he stared over at him was on purpose. "Jack's got shit socials, he ain't booking you shit! He's just using the band page to hook up with guys way too fucking young for any of us."
Ed looked taken aback, cautiously opening up his phone in the silence and beginning to scroll. Iz could tell he as checking. Of course he hadn't been keeping up to date with the page's DMs, or the calendar bookings, or the TikTok posts. Jack was the tech savvy one, being closer to 20 than either of them were, but it still didn't mean they were getting anywhere.
Ed frowned, eyes tight as he clearly ran skimmed through posts and replies on everything he had access to before haphazardly tossing the phone back onto the litter of flat and misshapen pillows. "It'll be fine! I'll talk to Horny when I go to the bar tomorrow."
"Ed."
"He owes me for not ratting him out on that insurance fire stint in '14."
"Edward."
"Especially owes Jack for the hospital bill on those skin grafts. He was lucky his old job hadn't cancelled the health insurance."
"Edward, it's too fucking much. I'm gonna cancel-"
"Don't." Ed was standing, eyes dark as he snatched his phone back up and began typing. "I'll PayPal you the first month, then Hornigold will give us a Saturday night gig til I kick Jack's ass into doing proper promo."
"You can't -"
"Annie gave me cover for taking her shift at the nightclub door last week, I can cover it." Ed was back to soft, doe eyes as he popped his phone back into his pocket and sauntered over to Iz.
As Iz was engulfed in a bone crushing hug, he sagged into it. Ed was right. They could at least do 3 months of the prescription, then he could put it on hold until he was sure he could afford the meds and subscription fee and the rent at the same time. Moving an arm up to wrap around Ed's middle, Iz nuzzled into his chest.
"We'll get through this, Iz." Ed whispered, planting a soft kiss on the top of his head.
Iz sighed. "For now."