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Swift but janky jerks on the joystick caused a sudden cracking noise to alert Eric, The one playing too roughly with his controller, that he broke another one of his thingies that was used for his Nintendo Switch. The short brunette audibly groaned tossing the messed up thingabob somewhere in his filthy room to never be seen ever until his mom decided to clean his bedroom for him again which hasn’t happened in a hot minute due to her wanting him to try “Cleaning up after himself” He expected her to not be able to hold that request up for any longer though knowing her
He flicked off his TV since he really didn’t want to get any more infuriated with the game he was playing which was Super Smash Brothers, He had been training on it for awhile now for the next SSB tournament the boys at his school that were always held at Craigs house. Next time they hosted one of those events he was prepared to kick their asses with his main, Kirby. The boy grinned to himself daydreaming everyone looking shocked at how he suddenly was sooo good at the game and praising him for being the ultra-pro at SSB
His daydreams were cut off by hearing his mother, Liane raise her voice from downstairs, going ahead and letting him know she was preparing dinner early. He kept his grin though since usually when she decided to immediately start cooking when she got home from the PTA meetings she was most likely stirring with gossip which was very useful to Eric since this info she’d pour out to him would result in them getting a kick out of it and it sometimes results in good blackmail against his enemies
Eric decided to go ahead and get off the floor to dash out his bedroom, shutting the door shut behind him with his back as he attempted to drag his socks on. It was fun to slide around on the kitchen floor like a ballerina and show his mom his totally impressive spinning around on his tiptoes but he can brag to her about his skills after listening to her drama.
The boy ran up to the stairs, hopping on the rail trying to glide down. Instead of successfully getting to the bottom he accidentally slipped off the rail onto the stairs. Eric pitifully caught himself on his feet, he rubbed his ankle hissing at the pain for a moment then shrugged it off to continue his journey to the kitchen, getting slapped in the face with the aroma of Lianes cooking. She had a intensely focused expression during her fast work, she adjusted her headphones to be less tight on her head. Oingo Boingo was blasting from them..Cartman was not surprised to say the least since he constantly had to deal with hearing old tunes from her, Maybe she was a theatre kid in highschool? He’d rather not imagine her as Romeo, thanks.
He pushed a stool up to the counter she was swiftly cooking on and tugged her headphones off to rest on her shoulders, Causing her to jolt up, almost tripping with her bunny slippers. Liane glared over at whoever took her out of her mindset then figured out it was Eric, So she softened her gaze.
She pinched his cheek as she started to grow a grin “Oh hello poopsiekins! Sorry, i think i didnt hear you come in” Eric gave a small embarrassed smile in reply
He then signaled at her to let go of his cheek which she noticed and did so. The shortie then looked up at Liane with sparkling eyes and clasped together hands “Yeah yeah anyways, My dear mother how were the PTA meetings? Was there anything you’d perhaps like to tell your snoopienoopie” The boy got closer to his mother’s face, his smile getting more wide with excitement
“I was waiting for you to ask that” She giggled. Lianes expression brightened up more to match Erics borderline insane look he had. Cartman tapped his fingers on the counter to the rhythm that could still be heard from the earphones expecting her to start after saying that.
Eric tilted his head at her “So, Are you gonna tell me about it?” He watched Liane nod eagerly and unknowingly just let her spoon drop into the boiling pot to clap her hands together, Hopefully she wont burn her hands trying to get the spoon out later if she even realizes it went in there. Eric glanced around then focused back on her when she started to actually speak
“Okay so you know Linda and Laura right? The ones with the obviously fake blonde hair? They were having a fight while Shelia was having one of her long presentations about whatever annoyed her that week which by the way was about the uprising in disrespecting authority i believe anyways before i get sidetracked! those two were fighting over who was copying who, they got their hair redid at around the same time which sparked the argument if i recall correctly” Liane leaned more on the counter, holding onto it with one hand while the other waved around to emphasize what she was saying. She was giggling to herself in some parts from remembering the events
Eric laughed along with her but he was imagining the events instead, “Woww are one of those hags gonna yell at any blondie on the streets now for apparently copying them? That sounds like something theyd do” Liane snickered at Erics comment
“It wouldn’t be far off from them you know snugglebunny, Continuing on! Laura ended up yelling at Linda ‘Atleast i didnt have to go to the mental hospital at 14’!”
The mother was cut off by Eric dramatically gasping and bringing his hand to his chest. Eric kept a surprised expression as he exclaimed “She did not..”
“Yes. She. Did.” Liane smacked her hands together each pause, exaggerating her sentence. “And Linda responded with ‘Atleast i didnt hit puberty at 16! Later than late bloomer, No wonder your chest is so small’ Which made me so shocked! and it wasnt even targeted at me. I quite honestly give Laura props for not trying to attack Linda after that comment she made” 
Liane went silent for a moment to give Eric a chance to speak without interrupting her
“Wellll from last time i saw Laura at one of those parties the school has, She does not have much packing in there so i wouldnt say Linda was lying..It is pretty obvious Laura developed later than most girls” Eric quieted his voice down as if Laura would be able to hear him say that
Liane was about to agree with him before remembering, Oh yeah, He’s a 4th grader “Wait-Wait a minute pause dear, What? Huh? Whered you learn to be that insulty?” She gave Eric a concerned look, She was not expecting him to comment about someone like that. Cartman gave his mother a confused gaze “Mom, you’re acting like we haven’t talked to eachother before”
The taller brunette stared down at the shorter one with a straight face, She was thinking about what he said. She was acting like that? Liane felt her brows furrow in confusion as she thought to herself, Moving her eyes around too as she trying to figure out this cryptic message her son has said to her. For extra measure she held her chin as well.
The boy felt his eyes roll, in a nice way though..Kinda “Im saying its your fault mom” Eric sighed out, pinching the bridge of his nose. Liane’s face un-stiffened and went back to a content smile “Ohh you could’ve just said that poopsiekins! Now we should continue..You are right though she definitely isn’t the most supplying-“ The mother snapped her fingers to get her attention back on track
“-Mm okay so as i was saying Laura then pointed out how Linda has lopsided breast, that was a expected insult though anybody would bring up that woman chest problem as a comeback! But people were maybe too surprised at what Laura said, Shelia actually quieted down too!” Liane had a surprised expression on her face, almost as if she was listening to someone else tell the story
“Shelia shutting up? that’s something new!” Cartman cackled at his remark and hit the counter to help get his laughter through. Liane chuckled at his comment then remembered she had to be a mother to Eric, Not his friend. She really needs to get some help on that, huh? “Now Eric don’t be talking like that at school ok? i wouldn’t want Shelia getting on my ass-I mean- I mean, Um, Cheeks. Getting on my cheeks for that.” She beamed at him a smile that was basically begging him to listen to her pleads for once
Eric was really getting mostly confused by Lianes constant switch ups. Does she want him to be honest or not? What? He just squinted at her like that would help him see what she meant. Liane’s grin faltered at his unsure stare.
“You know what honeybuns? Nevermind you can continue with your little comments..” She patted his shoulder gently and kissed his forehead, Eric immediately wiped the lipstick off
Wait.
They both sniffed the air, tilting their heads everywhere except where the food was
What was that smell?!
Eric glanced over at the pot and screamed, pointing at it terrified by the horrifying look of the burnt “food” with a fire growing around it
“Mom! Mom! Put it out!” He hopped off his stool and clung onto Lianes leg..Which wasn’t helping her in the slightest 
As she was trying to find something to take down the flames roaring louder. She grabbed a bag of flour and tossed it at the burning pot, The bag was not even open..So it just kinda bonked on the pot and suddenly got engulfed, turning into ashes
“I- Eric! What do you do to put out a fire! You learned this in school right? Fire drills?! Please tell me you paid attention in those” She picked up her baby off her leg and shook him around crazily like he was a dog toy. Eric shrugged “I don’t know mom! We just kinda left the building while some sprinkler things went off”
Liane paused for a moment before gently putting eric down on the floor and patting his head. “Sprinklers? So that means.Water works right?” She asked him as she stepped over to the sink which was near the heat. Eric nodded slowly, very unsure himself if water puts fire out
She snatched the sink head and turned the water on fully to spray the fire down. The taller brunette stared at the now pile of ashes then jumped around with the still running faucet in her grip “Wow! I did that like a firefighter- Oh!” She slipped backwards on the puddle she made around herself, letting go of the sink head to only have it hit her on the head when it decided to listen to gravity. Getting her covered in water.
She looked down at herself and let out a few giggles as she then looked over at Eric who was standing up now. He let out a few snorts at the sight of his mom when suddenly she stared to spray water at Eric, using the sink head obviously. They seemed way too nonchalant after their house almost being at risk of burning down but they were having fun.
——
Once the kitchen was finally cleaned up of the burnt stains and water, Liane dusted off her cleaning gloves and tossed them somewhere in the house. They’ll be found when she decides to clean the house. She glanced down at her son who just sat in one of the chairs while she cleaned. The mother of course didnt mind he wasn’t helpful, She did tell him to not worry about it.
“Well poopsiekins! That little incident might be a fun story to tell your friends!” Liane walked over to Eric, pulling a chair over to be close to his. She plopped in it and slowly bopped her head up and down. Cartman was about to agree with her but the school probably wouldn’t enjoy talk of a housefire, Why should he care though? Sure, he’ll talk about it to Kenny or whoever else wanted to listen to his near-death experience.
“It’ll be fun talk, don’t worry mom ill make sure to supply everyone with every detail..Except the part where you spoke trash about some of their parents. Maybe” He laughed as Liane stared at him with a jokingly worried face “Sweetie, id rather not deal with three pissed off mothers at my door after school tomorrow making me consider about how will my casket look when they’re done” She repeated the words ‘School tomorrow’ in a mumble. starting to remember. “Wait-You have school tomorrow..You should be in bed, It is way past your bedtime honey!” She scooped up Eric into her embrace, not giving him a chance to protest about staying up any longer. It was way past 9:30. Liane whispered whatever insults at herself for letting him be up like this.
She kicked open Erics door, tossing him onto his bed. “Goodnight poopsiekins! Sweet dreams..” Liane slowly started to close the door “Love you! Have a nice day at school tomorrow, sleep well, please don’t tell the kids i talked shit about their parentsss” She closed the door shut.
Eric was left in the semi-darkness only being illuminated by his nightlight nearby his bed, he eyed at his clock and read the time now..It was around 2? Am? He didn’t exactly understand classic clocks so he always had to kinda assume what it was saying. The boy huffed and tucked himself under the covers, Holding his one of plushies that were probably 3x bigger than him as tightly as he could in his arms, Once he closed his eyes longer than a few seconds he was passed out