Archive of Our Own ^beta

He couldn’t sleep, Yosuke’s head was buzzing with energy making it unbelievably hard to shut his eyes and go to bed. He was in bed, just not asleep, because he couldn’t… yes he couldn’t. Not when he was remembering everything that had happened the past 24 hours. Not when his brain couldn’t stop thinking of a certain gray haired individual, about a little taller than Yosuke himself, and those bright gray eyes. 

God, Yosuke couldn’t sleep. Not when that laugh, like, like huffs, small and mellow, was wracking his brain, playing on a loop in his head. God , he wasn’t going to be able to sleep. 

Yosuke turned from his side where he was laying, onto his back, opening his eyes yet again as he had tried, really tried , to get some shut eye. Unfortunately for him that wasn’t happening, so he was back to staring into the darkness of his own room. To the ceiling. Right… 

Yosuke slapped his hands to his face, dragging them down again with slight force, making his face contort. 

“Urgh,” he groaned in frustration, sitting up. He was not going to sleep, he had accepted that fact, though he just wanted to sleep , but his brain was buzzing, buzzing . As if something had happened, what had happened exactly? He didn’t know! His brain was just filled with incessant memories of the day.  

It hadn’t been a bad day, not at all, it had been a good day, great even! 

It must just be me imagining things , Yosuke thought to himself, layed in his darkened room. It was way past midnight, and not a tv day, for no fog or rain was around. It was a quiet calm night in inaba, nothing was wrong .

So why couldn’t he shake the nagging feeling, something in his chest and stomach, burning slightly, he was anxious. What was the issue? Nothing, absolutely nothing , was the answer he gave to himself. 

Nothing was wrong, but that was the problem. Something had to be wrong. There was always something.

Jiraiya was not letting something go, Yosuke was not letting something go, something that happened during the day, his day out with Souji, that had been so great. 

They had been to Okina, during the day, looking through record shops, and model figurine stores, they had had a hang out, and it had gone exactly like it usually does. But apparently his brain thought differently, something else had happened, he still didn’t know what, but something, and nothing was coming up. 

“Come on dude,” he huffed, “Jiraiya, please ,” He mumbled to himself, quietly so as not to wake up a sleeping Teddy inside of Yosuke’s closet. 

He rubbed at his chest right between his ribs, to soothe whatever was going on. But Jiraya did not do anything. It was as if there was already an answer right in front of him. As if his persona’s silence was a quiet, ‘you already know, accept it already’, or whatever it was. There was no comfort from the silence, it wasn’t a lull. It was an insufferable ‘know it all’ refusal, and if his persona was able to take a physical form outside of the tv, he would most likely blankly stare at the teen, with heavy judgment. Or, that was the impression Yosuke got from the situation. 

Hand still on his chest he let out another frustrated sigh, he was annoyed now. 

What is happening , he thought to himself, what, what . 

He thought back to the day, The day that had gone so well. The one his brain didn’t want to let go of. If there was one thing that Yosuke had accepted from all this shadow, persona and serialmurder business, it was that at some point he had to face what his brain was telling him, whatever it was.  

______

The day had been bright, he and Souji had made plans to meet up together at Yasoinaba station to travel to Okina, a day away from the mundane inaba, or maybe that title didn’t fit it anymore, maybe extraordinary fit it better- after the turn of events that had been Souji sticking his entire arm through a television, that then had snowballed what Yosuke now called his ‘everyday’.  The IT, all the other missfit teens brought together by one Souji Seta, accident or not it had happened.

Extraordinary events notwithstanding, Souji and Yosuke had planned this as a day off, for fun and relaxation, just two best friends hanging out in the small city of Okina. Luckily nothing major had happened in a while, it felt like something was around the corner though, but for now it was all calm and smooth sailing, or as smooth sailing as traveling through other worlds and fighting shadows, and dreaded schoolwork could be. 

As soon as Yosuke got to the station he saw Souji waiting looking at his phone writing something on it, Yosuke observed that he was in his usual monochrome outfit, wearing a dark gray zip up fleece, it was starting to get a little colder out but not cold enough for a jacket, his regular gray slacks snug, and at his side an umbrella tucked away poking out of his messenger bag…… an umbrella sticking out of his messenger bag? Oh well.

As soon as he was a little closer Yosuke raised a hand and shouted a slight “Yo, partner!”, walking a little faster toward his friend. 

Souji raised his head, with a slight surprised glint in his eyes, his fringe blocking off the subtle raise that his eyebrows were making. It was always like that with Souji, he had those small expressions, they were subdued, and it made Yosuke like Souji even more.

But it made it rather frustrating when whatever wild shit Souji would suddenly spew out of his mouth, with the calmest demeanor, as if it was the most obvious thing to say. 

“Yosuke, hi,” he said, letting a small smile grace his lips. That smile always made Yosuke unbearably happy for some reason, but he chalked it up to being able to see his partner happy. 

Stepping alongside Souji walking further toward the train platform of Yasoinaba, Yosuke asked “By the way do you know when the train will be arriving?” he turned his head facing Souji, “I totally forgot to look up the timetable,“  he added, trailing off a tad sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck where his headphones were resting. 

Souji made a huff, as if it was a short laugh, it made Yosuke sheepish smile turn up even more. 

“Yes, don’t worry,” the other teen said, looking back at his phone, clicking on a few buttons and then shutting the phone with a light clack. He probably sent off whatever, presumably a text, he had written. “It'll be here shortly,” turning back to Yosuke looking at him fully, “by the way, have you thought of anything on what you want to do today?”

Oh Souji ever the planer, Yosuke also liked that about his friend, always ready for whatever, having lists upon lists on what to do during the day, a set schedule, his partner was always so prepared, much different to Yosuke, but this time he had at least thought some of it through.

“Yeah, actually, I'd like to visit the music store, maybe the arcade too? I haven’t had the time to look up the new album releases recently,” He answered, Souji hummed in recognition, and as Yosuke started a new conversation on the topic of music, they continued to talk. Souji gave nods and affirmations to whatever Yosuke was saying.

They saw the train arrive at the platform and both of them embarked leading themselves to where a table seat was, they sat down opposite one another. Yosuke continued to talk animatedly about what he was looking forward to the day and Souji mentioned his own musings of what he had planned. Such as a figurine shop. 

“Ah, right, figurines,” Yosuke said knowingly. 

Much different to what some people might think about Souji, the teen was an absolute nerd, for all his suave mannerism. His partner had a huge passion for cats, and model figurines, and origami, specifically cranes, that Yosuke had noticed he made whenever something was bothering him, he guessed it was both fun, for whatever reason he did not know, and a calming hobby for the other teen. “Any specific one or just browsing?” he ended up asking, not really knowing what else to say, letting it come off slightly stilted. 

Apparently his partner noticed, “You sound like your customer service self ,” Souji’s face wrinkled a little, making his eyes crinkle at the sides, one eyebrow poking through the fringe slightly, Making it clear that Souji had one eyebrow down and one up. 

“Hah, that's ah funny partner” Yosuke laughed, awkwardly rubbing at his own hands underneath the table, Souji still had that look on his face, he felt called out by his awkward demeanor, “but that was actually a genuine question.” he continued. 

“Oh, well, not really,” Souji answered, eyes going a little far off, as if he was in deep thought. Yosuke noticed that he was cradling his own hands almost to calm himself. Good to know that he wasn’t the only one.  

While their chatter had petered off a little awkwardly, the rest of the trip was in calm silence, Yosuke enjoyed his partner's presence, even if they weren’t talking. In between the former conversation and arriving in Okina he had asked the other teen if it was okay if he put on some music, Souji gave him a small yes, and so during the rest of the trip his headphones still around his neck, slight sound of Yosuke’s playlist was audible to just him and Souji; or at least Yosuke hoped that it didn’t disturb any of the other passengers, he would rather not be kicked out of the train. Luckily for them, today there didn’t seem to be much traveling. 

Only a few other people sprinkled across the cart here and there. Prime time for hang outs in the city was probably over, considering that it wasn’t summer anymore, but to the two teens it worked all the same. It wasn’t rush hour either, Sundays were usually like that. 

Yosuke remembered the ride to Okina as calming, lulling, to be around his partner, sight of fields passing by them, the only sound being the train on the rails klu-klunk and the soft music streaming from Yosuke’s headphones. 

At some point he had glanced at Souji when he had broken his momentum of being lost in thought, Souji had had a smile on his face. It was adorned by soft eyes, staring at the scenery outside of the train. Calm, that is how he had felt. 

Although it had been just a glance Yosuke had looked fast back again to the window, his heart had palpated in some way that he couldn't describe. Brushing it off as the gratitude of this moment with his best friend , moving past it at the time. 

When they arrived at Okina’s station, they quickly left their seats. Souji picked up his messenger bag holding it with his slightly calloused hands. That Yosuke for some reason looked at, he pocketed his own hands in the pouches of his light wind resistant jacket. He was the umbrella peeking out from the bag, was it supposed to rain today? 

He didn't see that on the weather forecast for inaba.  

“-first,'' Souji had said something he missed, interrupting Yosuke’s thoughts dead in its tracks.

“Sorry partner,” he said, shaking his head a bit, “could you repeat that?” he continued. 

Souji humed and Yosuke noticed that he was holding a piece of paper, “I said, what about going to the arcade first?”

“Sounds good, any games you wanna do?” he said, an easy going smile taking up his face.

A, somehow, mischievous looking smile graced his partner's face, as he just gave a simple ‘yes’, in return, not making any further comments. 

And…That worried him, who knew what Souji was going to do; not that he didn't trust him, he absolutely did, but his partner could sometimes do or make the most unbelievable decisions.

 He could probably not even fully count them on his hands at the amount, but one of the occurrences included eating whatever weird shit he had put in his fridge, making him unbearable sick the following days afterwards. Yosuke had been worried, but mostly exasperated with it.

When Yosuke first became friends with Souji, he had this mental image of a cool and collected guy, stone faced. He had wondered how he could become friends with the rest of the team, they were all, Yosuke included, a bit different. But after a while he had started to understand what an absolute weirdo Souji actually was, and truly it made sense as to why they all had in the end gravitated towards each other. 

They probably would have done so, Yosuke thought, even without the murders and kidnappings and shadow selves, simply because as Yosuke would firmly stand by, Souji was Souji.  

“Come on,” Souji said, subsequently grabbing the sleeve of yosuke’s jacket, “follow me,” he continued, walking into the arcade and dragging Yosuke behind him, ‘pushy ’ Yosuke thought funnily, rolling his eyes at the other’s gesture. 

Soon they found themselves in front of a crane game, ah so this was what he wanted to do, “I thought this was good to start with,” Souji said, pocketing his little piece of paper into the messenger bag by his side. Yosuke noticed that he had let go of his sleeve, hand back to his own side and the mischievous smile was gone, huh, maybe that wasn’t the thing. 

“Well then, partner, let me show you how good I am at this,” he said while he began to stretch his arms to each side, as if to do a warmup. 

“Oh?” Souji said in reply, the eyebrows behind his fringe had probably gone back to that one up and one down position, but not enough for Yosuke to actually see. 

“Yes,” he said pointing at himself, chest puffed out exaggeratedly. “ You are looking at Yosuke Hanamura, crane game extraordinaire.” Souji only huffed a laugh, trying to cover it up as a cough, covering his face with a fist. And gave a “Yes, of course” with that serious face of his. Yosuke smiled back at the reaction, and then began trying to play the crane game. 

Well , he thought, now I need to win this , he had after all, just boasted about his crane prowess. It would be a shame if he didn’t succeed, and slightly, just slightly embarrassing. Not that Souji would judge him because of it, no Souji was all too kind to do that, in Yosuke’s opinion, but it would still be embarrassing. 

In the contraption there were small plushies of different varieties, lions, frogs, even an oddly colored otter or two, he wondered how long they had been there, as he concentrated trying to line up the little crane that was probably too small to fit any of the plushies into it. 

Yosuke did not win, any of the games, at all. He slumped against the machine his forehead hitting the glass. As he groaned in embarrassment. 

It had probably been like ten minutes that had passed by, he had lost a lot of money damn it!

Souji only gave him a tap at his shoulder, both to console him but also to move him away a little so he could take the brown haired teens place. 

“It’s ok Yosuke, we all have off days” he said, but it didn’t sound sincere, more like teasing. Yosuke only grumbled in response. 

“Well you do it then if you’re so sure!” he gave in response, not really exclaiming, but loudly stating. 

One minute went by and-

“Oh, there,” Souji said, as Yosuke heard a soft cucklunk come from the machine. 

“Are you kidding?!” Yosuke, this time, exclaimed. He looked back at his partner and saw Souji bending down to pick up the little plushie that he had managed to get. “How did you do that?!”

Souji only shrugged in response, making Yosuke roll his eyes. 

“So, should I take that as you not wanting it?” Souji said, no, teased him, again , with that infuriatingly kind smile. 

“No!” he said hastily, and Souji’s smile dropped a little, Yosuke back tracked “I mean, yes! Not no! I mean, you know,” he continued, trying to say the right words, “I mean, I'll take it, don't worry about it!” he concluded, snatching the little plush from his friend’s hand. 

Souji only stood there hand still open from where the plush once was, now in Yosuke’s. He looked back to his hand and closed it, drifting it back to his messenger bag.

“Well, I was about to say you don’t have to,” he said, “but now that I see your very excited enthusiasm for it,” he shrugged, “I guess you can have it”, an unbothered look covering his face. 

“Urgh, don’t say stupid stuff with such a straight face Partner” he grumbled. Outside of the almost unnoticeable little laugh coming from beside him, Souji’s stone face persisted. 

“One last thing,” Souji said and was yet again dragging Yosuke with him this time fully holding onto his wrist, his touch was light, warm even, maybe. Yosuke made a surprised noise in reaction to the pulling of his wrist, but didn’t make the move to pull away.

Weaving through playable crane games, and shooters, and probably rigged whatever games Yosuke only saw Souji’s back. 

He wished at times that he could look as sturdy as his friend did, no not in a weird way, just, Souji looked dependable . He was built as if he knew how to handle every scenario, and Yosuke didn’t really have a reason to think otherwise. The air around him always had something akin to comfort. There was always a little bit of jealousy in his head when it came to his best friend, even now, even when Yosuke actually knew him.

Everyone liked Souji, well maybe not King Moron, but everyone else, and he couldn’t help it. He had such a troublesome time with people, even back in the city, he thought once that he could at least turn over a new leaf when he came to Inaba, but sadly that had not happened.

Souji’s fleece looked warm, cozy, his mind supplied. Maybe he should buy one for himself? Would that be too weird? He had thought to himself. As he started to grip Souji’s sleeve as well, rubbing the plush fabric between his fingers. It was just as he thought it would feel, comforting, much like Souji’s presence.    

Yosuke’s thoughts broke as they soon reached wherever Souji had brought them. In front of him was a huge structure, flashing lights surrounding it, music streaming from loud and rash. In front of it were two elevated platforms on each side, the platforms were adorned with shining led lights and the top of them seemed to be made out of some plastic or glass.   

“ Woah , that must be new,” he said, openly staring at the huge machine before them. 

Souji only turned to look at him, the mischievous smile was back, and, ah, so that was what it was about. Yosuke subtly let go of his partner's sleeve, Souji didn’t seem to notice as he still had a grip on the teens wrist. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to handle it?” said Souji, nonchalantly.

Oh, oh that really fired Yosuke up. 

“Are you kidding?” he said, “You are so going down!” he exclaimed, walking past his partner as his wrist was let go, he put the plush back into Souji’s hands, and stood on one of the elevated platforms that was glowing in different colors. 

“Get ready to be beaten to a pulp,” his partner only answered back, putting the plush in the bag and the bag down by the platform to the right. The almost smirk present, infuriatingly small, and it made Yosuke even more irritated for some reason. He wanted to wipe that smirk off of his stupidly annoying face. 

“Really now?”, he said, as calmly as he could “Hah! That’s funny,” and gave an unamused laugh, he continued squinting, mild irritation unknowingly clear on his face.

Apparently that only made Souji’s smirk grow larger. 

“Show me what you got then, partner ” the silver haired teen answered, Oh it was so on .  

And so they danced, the song’s beat pumping at a steady pace, the bright lights lighting up beneath them as they danced, the led screen in front of them instructing them, showing whenever one of them made a wrong or right move. 

It feels a little like it does in the TV-world, he had thought to himself, the music, the adrenaline, the movement, sometimes even in the TV it felt like a dance, to jump, dodge, to summon Jiraiya and feel the wind blowing fast in his hair as he spins, just like at this very moment. He spins around on the platform, striking a pose with his hand up then turning back around as he suddenly finds himself by the floor crouching down and spinning once more. He barely has time to look towards Souji beside him, but he does so anyway, because he has to size up his competition a little, especially after all that trash talk. 

He sees those bright lights shine onto him, reflecting rather well on his partner’s silvery hair, and eyes, they almost seemed to take the original colors place. He was dancing just as enthusiastically as Yosuke, entranced in his own dancing. As Yosuke stood up again, he carefully let his body move to what was next, stepping a little to the side, then front, then back, then turn, and suddenly Yosuke and Souji were facing each other. 

Both of them were smiling, Yosuke’s cheek’s hurt from all the smiling he was doing even. Yosuke saw in the brief moment Souji’s cheek’s tinted red from exertion, but still smiling so extremely bright, and it made his knees slightly weak for some reason, it was probably because of all the dancing. 

Before he could think anymore about it, Souji suddenly took his hand, surprised by the sudden contact, Yosuke started a little. But he didn’t pull his hand away, and saw Souji suddenly bring their hands upward, Yosuke confused for a moment glanced back to the LED screens and there it was, ah, ahhh , a spin, oh that explained it. He spins, with a little help from Souji’s hand, guiding encouragement, damn it that probably brought down my score . He bites down a bit at his own lip pushing through the moment.

When he had come around back from the spin, he met Souji’s eyes again. The smirk was back on his lips, and then he saw Souji turn, with less difficulty than him. He spins, as if it was the easiest thing, as if he already knew that it was coming, he probably did, that was probably why he had chosen this song, and he had that damn look on his face from the start anyway. The smug bastard was too good at everything, he thought to himself as he let go of Souji’s hand and turned back to the front with a slide of his feet. 

What an awful best friend, but maybe not… yeah, no, Souji was great, he really was. It was just that he just knew how to rile Yosuke up in the worst ways. Once upon a time Yosuke had felt so jealous towards him, not that his partner had meant to do that, he was just being himself, and he still felt jealousy at times. At least he knew how he felt towards him, jealous, but unbearably proud over his partner. He was his partner after all. Yosuke’s best friend. The feelings of jealousy and pride somehow burned, and In all honesty, it wasn’t like he disliked the feeling when it happened, it was just different .

It made him feel, feel like something in his chest was burning, just thinking about it, he didn’t really know what, but it at times felt like Zio zapping through it, or like licking a battery, not that Yosuke had ever licked a battery, ever. But he had been zapped by Zio, either by accident from one of his teammates, it was just his luck for that to happen, or by a very malicious shadow, that for some reason had it out for Yosuke, probably because of Jiraiya’s wind currents. 

He slid to the right then back to the left, again, his eyes stuck to the monitor, focused. He was for better or for worse not going to let Souji win this, absolutely not . 

They were so caught up in the movement and music that they didn’t notice people gathering behind them, watching, intrigued by the duo and their dancing. 

The motivation that had spurred from everything Souji had said and done , the annoying smirk, the smugness, the partner, only seemed to burn within Yosuke even more, it was almost like Souji knew how this would affect him. 

The pace became faster, and faster, until at the very end it seemed to slow down again, it felt a little bit like a reward after the whole ordeal. 

With a final pose from each of them the song ended, and so did both of their dancing. Heavy breaths came from either person on the two platforms, Yosuke was hunched and had his hands on his knees, Souji, whom he saw from the edges from his vision didn’t seem as exhausted but he was absolutely winded, holding onto the railing of the platform seemingly so he could hold himself up a little better.

He looked up towards the screen in front of them, it showed a tie. Aw man, seriously?   

“Phew,” Yosuke breathed out, “That was seriously a work out,” and then he lowered his voice a little,  “I mean nothing like you know what , but absolutely up there.” he stated. He had not seen the little grouping that had gathered around the dancing device since the start. 

He turned to hold on to the railing behind him as well, finally noticing the little group that had formed. It was a few girls, probably around their age, maybe older, who seemingly had gotten the same idea that he and his partner had and spend their day in the city, or maybe they lived around here, who knew. They were giggling, for some reason he didn’t really understand. 

“You wanna give it a try?” he said, and then thought about tacking on a small, maybe even shy, ‘With us?’ but he trailed off instead. Hey if the opportunity arises of course he was going to flirt with some girls, he hadn’t had any luck during the summer, so why not right? Right. But not instead he had looked back to Souji and- uh what, what greeted him was his partner’s face adorned with a look of being wholly unimpressed. 

So the sentence had stopped, and the ‘With us’ had been dropped, but not forgotten. 

“Don’t worry about him,” Souji nodded towards Yosuke. “You girls, go enjoy dancing.” he said with the finality that Yosuke only ever heard during shadow fights, when he had to act like a leader, as he stepped down the platform and picked up his bag walking to leave and letting one of the girls step up to the platform to replace him. 

Something clenched a bit in his stomach, Oh, this wasn’t what Yosuke had wanted to happen. 

“Whu- what, why-” and he runs after him, giving a quick nod towards the girls in passing.

“Hey, hey ! Partner, wait!” he shouts, and Souji stops, ah ok, that’s good at least. Yosuke still runs, as if he’s afraid that his friend will maybe start walking away again, so he continues at the same fast pace. When he reaches Souji he stops with some force, the impact from the sudden break of his running hits his body, and maybe also his friend, as he clasped his hands on top of his shoulder. 

“Dude,” he breathed out, “you walk way too fast for what we just did man,” he said, still holding onto his friend's shoulder.

Souji doesn’t really respond, only looks at him for a moment and shrugs, Yosuke can see that both of his hands are holding on to the handle of the messenger bag, if you would ask him, it looked like they were almost clenching it. 

Uh oh.

The adrenaline from the dancing and running seemed to suddenly disappear, and make its way to his stomach, an unsettling feeling gathered itself there. 

Aw man, he had somehow really fucked up. 

There was a silence between both of them, as they walked further and further away from whatever had happened and where they once had danced so happily.

Yosuke wanted to ask, he wanted to ask what had happened, what had he done wrong? He didn’t want Souji to clam up, he wanted his partner to be happy again, smiling, laughing. It bugged him, even if he knew he couldn’t force anything out of Souji. 

He let out a quiet sigh, that probably could be passed off as a huff from his exertion, as he decided against asking, the moment would probably pass anyway, things would be fine.

He just had to focus back on Souji, yes that was the answer, this was their day together, and he knew that his best friend had been a lot more busy lately, and while things had calmed down a little on the front of the murders, that hadn’t stopped their school and work life in any way. 

Yosuke himself had almost everyday been at junes in the afternoons after school, only save for the day’s where he and his friends were there to go into the tv to train. 

This day had been about them, not girls. Of course it had upset Souji, he was probably feeling like he was neglecting him. Yosuke would have felt that way too, probably, if Souji had done the same. 

On their way out of the arcade, still a little warm from the dancing, they passed a photobooth, that apparently peaked Souji’s interest, making him loosen his grip on the bag and grab on to Yosuke’s wrist again, at this point he had done so so many times that Yosuke didn’t really notice it until Souji had let go again, leaving a feeling of warmth and tingles on his skin from his soft hands, weird… Maybe Souji used some kind of hand lotion with some ingredient that he was allergic to?

His partner pointed to the photobooth, “Hey,” he said, nodding towards it “do you want to do that?” he asked, the question seemed a little stilted on his tongue, awkward, insistent but awkward. Yosuke thought a bit, thinking of how he felt a little too sweaty and how close they were going to be, probably pressed together in the photo booth, and- wait, nope, no that would be a bad bad idea. He would probably overheat from the small space and he was already so sweaty that he felt uncomfortable.

But Souji had been so- so shy in asking, in that adamant way, but no, no that would end badly, it would probably end up being more uncomfortable for both of them, making this whole ordeal of what had happened a few moments earlier even worse, he didn’t know how, but he knew it would be worse . 

“Eh,” he responded carefully, “I- maybe not this time…” he said. He could see Souji nodding in understanding, but somehow he felt as if the other teen was disappointed. “Next time though, if you want!” he quickly added, making Souji nod again giving a thumbs up with a face that was somehow back to its neutral state.

Yosuke had to bite the inside of his cheek because If it weren’t for the circumstances, he  probably would have laughed at his friend’s reaction. Souji was just such a dork.

When they reached the front doors of the arcade entrance he turned back to Souji, who seemed a little off, still. 

“So, What next?” he asked as he rubbed whatever knick knacks that were in his pants pockets nervously, old unused tissue paper, an old 100 yen coin, fiddling restlessly, just to un-sweat his hands in some way. 

“Well what’s closest?” Souji said and pulled out his little note again, it was kind of adorable, not, not in a weird way, just, it was cute how Souji, the guy that could be so cool, was so very dorky, and he was so honest about it. The teen really liked that he knew this part of him. 

“I meant to ask, what is… that ?” he said as he shuffles closer to the other teen. Looking over his shoulder a little, to peer at whatever stood on the paper.

“My note?” Souji asked a little confused, and titled his head towards Yosuke’s face that was beside him, “It’s a list of what I wanted to do today, and a layout of the city.”

“A layout, really?” Yosuke said and quirked his eyebrows, so that one of them was up and one of them was down. It wasn’t necessarily weird for his partner to do that, as started before, but his mannerism was a question to Yosuke. 

“Yes, it’s good to be prepared,” Souji only said as an offer in reply, Yosuke notices though, an almost unnoticeable embarrassed flush on his partner's face. Hmm, that was unusual for him. It made his heart skip a little in-between beats, it was a wonder to see his partner embarrassed, especially when at times it felt like he didn’t even know what shame and embarrassment was; with Souji being Souji doing what Yosuke would classify as embarrassing, without blinking an eye. 

Oh, Yosuke would totally revel in this, being as blunt as he could “Hey now, don’t get shy on me,” he winked at him, but to spare the poor fool beside him he continued “I mean it is what I asked, right? It only helps.” he said with a nonchalant shrug, his hands slipped out of his pant’s pockets to punch lightly at his partner's shoulder. 

“Thanks…” Souji answers, but there is an awkward lilt to it. 

Souji starts walking again and Yosuke notices that he doesn’t reach back towards him to drag him along. His wrist, even after his hands are shoved back into his pockets and still clammy, felt cold at the absence. 

Out of the two, Yosuke tended to initiate the more friendly pats and punches and… well Souji didn’t, not usually; when it came to other matters though, moments where he just knew that Yosuke or any other person on the team or otherwise needed some kind of physical reassurance, he did. 

And, and Yosuke liked those touches, even if it was embarrassing at times, two boys hugging, the idea of others staring, but, but Yosuke liked the comfort, he liked Souji’s hugs, he liked him gripping his wrist to lead him somewhere, he - they were equal then, it meant that they were equal , that, that he knew Souji thought just as much of Yosuke as Yosuke did of him. 

So, Yosuke could admit to himself that he missed that hand on his wrist, that warm comfort, and that determined smile that probably had occupied his partner's cheeks earlier, now replaced by a thoughtful look in concentration.  

Yosuke was a step behind him but soon came to be beside him. They ended up at the record store after Yosuke had mentioned it while continuing their walk, remembering that it had been somewhere close by. 

Where they were now browsing through the mountains and mountains of albums, a lot of them on CD, others a little farther back on cassette and LP. The store had some headphones at some parts so one could put in an album if need be, and Yosuke was in a need be situation, as Yosuke always did when he went to a record store and wasn’t at or bought at Junes. 

And if he was being honest, he preferred the record store in Okina to Junes. A lot of people would agree with him too…probably. 

He picks up an album, huh , that might be interesting , he thinks, looking over to the gray haired teen beside him. He puts the sample CD into the slot of the player that the headphones were connected to. 

“Hey Souji, come here.” he waves and holds the store headphones between them both, letting the song spill out a little.

Souji comes closer and closer until his face is right next to Yosuke, listening intently to the song Yosuke wanted to show. His face was so close like this, it was a little… unsettling? No. That wasn’t right, it sure felt like something though, his stomach pinched in some odd way, as if being this close and listening to a song that Yosuke had panicked him. 

As if Souji would judge Yosuke for his music taste, or of what he was showing, what he essentially had found for Souji to like.

But another part of him, his brain of all things, couldn't stop focusing on his friend’s lashes, because the two of them were so physically close now that he could see the gray colored hairs. They looked even more like actual silver under the harsh store light, as if they were sterling and shining just as bright. That was odd. Because it shouldn’t be possible for someone's eyelashes to look as if they were silver under store lights of all things, the usually rather unpleasant sound that would come from them if they were broken accompanying, the harsh zing sound and almost buzzing so much that it would lead to headache. 

Yosuke had to fix this. 

So Yosuke did what he probably should have from the beginning, and lifted up the headphones so they could easily be set on top of Souji's ears. Souji, who had a look of surprise, only stared at him in response. There , Yosuke thought, as his hands lingered a bit around the headphones, cupping the muffs that were now around Souji’s ears; that way Souji could fully focus on the music instead of the annoying buzzing zing. 

Which was unfortunate for Yosuke of course. He could already feel the pinching headache come sooner rather than later.  Jiraiya was also quietly stirring in his own frustration. 

He let go of the headphones completely, Souji seemed to make a face at that and was almost moving a little closer, almost as if he was following the movement of Yosuke’s hands and, and that made the pinch in his stomach grow even stronger, as if his breakfast was flopping around even if he was standing still. His friend was back where he once was just a second later after, looking off to the side, he was probably trying to focus on the music, yeah that seemed right. 

Yosuke thoughts were rudely intercepted by the zinging sound from the broken lamps, or maybe they weren’t broken, maybe they were just connected weirdly or something, if the store clerk could just, just shut them or whichever one of them that was making this sound, off, for at least as long as they were going to be here, then it would be better. 

Yeah, the chance of that happening was slim to none.  

He could use his own headphones of course but the song would be over in a bit anyway, so he  opted to wait until Souji had fully listened to it instead. Souji seemed to still be looking at Yosuke, but now his eyes almost looked as if they were seeing through the teen instead of actually looking at him. Yosuke was rather happy at that fact though, because that meant that the song had fit Souji’s taste well enough for him to be fully immersed. Score! Aren’t I the best partner?, he thought to no one but himself, feeling a little smug, almost preening. 

Of course, he didn’t let those feelings show, but a smile started to appear on his face instead of the more neutral, almost grimace one that had been there before. 

When the song was over Souji handed over the store's headphones back to Yosuke and asked what the song and artist was. Yosuke with the music knowledge that he had, and the actual album in hand, went into a small explanation of who the artists were, because yes it was a band, and a little about their history, and of course the album name. He had handed over the album to the other teen at the question too, because what would it matter to show the music at all if he didn’t give the actual album for Souji to see himself at the setlist and album art, it was literally the whole charm of having CD’s. 

Or that was what Yosuke thought, he was very vehement about it. 

His chest felt warm again, the comforting warmth growing larger and larger, the more the two teens talked about different music. They were now standing side by side, pressing next to each other, to both look at the albums the two of them were picking out. 

Yosuke always liked this, this was what he liked, he liked Souji’s presence, it was just so comforting, even when they were side by side. 

Somehow this had also translated into fighting in the TV world too, or maybe it had started there and then reflected back into the real world, Yosuke didn’t really know, but he knew that in the world of shadows and personas, with his partner by his side, they had a chance to change the circumstances with the murder cases, he knew that they could and would make a difference.  

So being pressed this way beside each other felt nothing but natural, especially when it was each of their choice to do so, with a large amount of space at the other side of each other, much different to what would have happened in the photo booth, and he wasn’t as sweaty anymore, either. 

Comfort, it was comforting. That was always the thing wasn’t it? The thing that his mind always came back to when it came to Souji. It made the brunette a bit proud for some reason. Maybe it was pride of being his best friend, his partner, and that Souji was able to have such a good friendship with him that he felt comfortable, and in turn made Yosuke himself feel comfortable. 

Yosuke had ended up buying the album that he had showed his friend, it was a nice band, it had some good songs, and well, he could always burn an extra CD and print out a fake cover for Souji, if he would want to, and even if Souji hadn’t asked, it was obvious that Souji had liked the song… maybe Yosuke should start to invest in an mp3 player for his partner's birthday? That way he could move over some songs onto it, those who he would think he liked, or maybe a custom CD with a bunch of other songs? No, a mp3 player was better, there were just a lot more songs he could put into one than a CD. 

When they left the record store, Yosuke noticed how stuffy it had been in there, the cold air hitting him when opening the door, making him zip up his jacket a bit more. 

Oh yeah, the beginning of fall had for sure started, summer was past its prime. He was glad that he had some layers on. 

“How do you feel about going to the figure shop?” Souji said, as they’re walking. “It’s the one closest,” he adds. 

“I don’t have any objections, if that is what you were asking,” Yosuke said, and the silver haired teen’s face has that small smile back on. Things felt a little lighter. “It wasn’t like there was anything else I planned to go to, anyway.” he said with a shrug. 

“Good,” Souji said, the smile is still present, “because I have some figures I’ve had an eye on, although,” he stops for a moment as if he was chewing on the words he was going to say “I don’t know if they have them in stock at the moment…” he adds, looking a little pensive. 

“Well let’s go then partner,” Yosuke responds, clapping his friend's shoulder with a little force, but not enough to hurt the guy. 

As they walked into the next shop on the day’s to do's Yosuke felt that the lightness had grown from before, the situation that had arised, the flirting with the girls, the subsequent maybe a little bit awkward tension that had been left with them, were now for the most part gone. 

The first thing that Yosuke noticed was that the place was crowded, well maybe not crowded in the way of people, there were a few here and there, but it was more like the shelves were crowded by colorful boxes, there were some glass cabinets that were filled with figurines of different varieties, huge robots, characters with swords and knives and whatever weapon of choice, girls and guys in rather skimpy clothing, which, Yosuke suddenly felt a little flushed by, they were so out in the open, of course he was going to stare at it even if it was by accident, it was still embarrassing when he caught himself. 

The store’s spaces where one could walk were a little narrow, but not so narrow that it forced the customers to squeeze together. 

Souji walked farther into the store. And in a slight panic Yosuke grabbed onto his friend’s sleeve again, just like he had done at the arcade. The only difference being that this time Souji noticed the tug that Yosuke’s fingers were making at the edge of the lightly furred fleece. 

Souji turned to look back at Yosuke, who in turn only looked at him as well but a bit dumbly. The gray haired boy’s smile lifted a little at one corner of his mouth, almost as he was holding back a bigger one. Yosuke would have liked to see that big one, but, but this was okay too. 

He followed him through the isles of shelves, stopping at some places where Souji was browsing. He had let go of his partner’s sleeve and started to look at some on his own. Even though he wasn’t interested in figure collecting, there were some interesting Phoenix Ranger Featherman ones, all in cool poses, some even moveable limbs and with extra sets of hands and swappable parts. 

He was currently looking at one of a more chibi-fied version of the Red Phoenix Ranger Featherman when-

“Yosuke look,” came suddenly from Souji who was beside him, and as he looked to his friend whom he thought would show him a figurine he had been looking for, he instead saw whatever the hell Souji put down… or more like put on. 

Because what he saw wasn’t a boxed figurine at all, no, no instead he saw cat ears adorn the head of his partner, all the while the teen had the straightest face ever, as if he didn’t have those silly cat ears on top of his head. He had cat ears on his head. It was such a hilarious picture to imagine that, no, no he didn’t even have to imagine because said thing was happening right in front of him. 

He couldn’t help it, Yosuke guffawed and laughed loudly, his body was shaking with the rapid intake and outtake of air. Clutching his stomach and clenching the front of his own shirt, almost unable to stand up, feeling as if the only thing holding up was that hand, he felt weak at the knees from the laughter.  

Soon enough the serious face Souji had on started to crack, his face slowly turning upwards and then as if it was something that broke the demeanor entirely he let out a huff, mellow, and soon the huff turned into a deep sounding laughter, a bit scratchy from being mostly unused that way. 

Souji was smiling and that made Yosuke smile even harder. 

The two were standing there, almost unable to even stand up at this point, peeling laughter surrounding each other,

“You are so weird partner” Yosuke let out between small laughs as he slowly calmed down.

“I’m weird?” Souji said in his now slightly scratchy voice, the laughter that had reverberated around them had settled a little with it, “ I’m not the one who brought weapons out in the open to the Junes food court.” he deadpanned, somehow, even after the never ending amount of laughter. 

Panicking when hearing this Yosuke came up with the only logical solution, “Shhhh” he hissed, as he brought his hands up to Souji's face. Putting both of his hands on top of Souji’s mouth, “Not so loud! I’ll never be able to live it down!”, he said, weak kneed still huffing slightly, the mix of adrenaline surging through his body. 

He breathed a little, eyes closed, recollecting himself, forgetting that he still had his hands on Souji’s face. When he then looked up at Souji he first noticed his hands were still there, and more importantly Souji, who seemed frozen in place. His eyes staring straight at Yosuke, both of their eyes met, both pairs were open in surprise, those bright gray eyes, like fog and rainy days and the brown ones with an almost yellowish hue. 

They stared at each other.

Yosuke slowly brings down his hands. He felt awkward, something was out of place. 

And then he saw a strange face on his partner, his eyes were shyly looking to the side, his ears were red, and so were his cheeks, Yosuke guessed it was from the laughter. Souji coughs awkwardly and then he sees the teen soothingly pad nervously at his own palms. 

“Oh uhm,” the brunet said, but his tongue felt heavy and clumsy, “Sorry,” and wasn’t that embarrassing? He thought to himself, shit, wait, what had made this embarrassing? Oh yeah, him being clumsy of course, no other reason, there couldn’t be another reason, right? Right.

What would that reason even be? Not the feeling in his hands tingling from the contact, not his stomach having an awkward twisting feeling again. 

Nope, not at all. 

Souji coughs lightly again, as if he is trying to clear his throat. “It’s ok,” he said, slowly bringing up his hands toward the cat ears on his head, pulling the cat eared diadem off and placing it back to where it came from. 

The weird looking expression on Souji's face was still there when they went on to continue to look at the other figurines lining the shop shelves. 

In the end the figure store had been a bust, sadly, although Souji had apparently gotten a few things written down and taken pictures of potential future purchases. And seemed to be at least a little satisfied. 

When they exit Souji mentioned going to the pet store. And Yosuke followed beside him, albeit a little awkwardly. 

The buzzing had started then, the more constant warmth in his chest had begun to spark slightly, and in the pit of his stomach, it started to ache, not pinch. 

His hands were sweating, the hands that had been dry just a moment ago. His head swiveled from them, back to whatever was in front of him, the way to the pet store, right. 

His mind traveled back to the look Souji had when he had the cat diadem, uh right, cat food, pet store, not those gray eyes, cat food.

His sweaty hands came up to his chest rubbing in a slight soothing gesture, at whatever was building up right there in the space, it would probably pass soon, he had thought. In hindsight Yosuke would have probably thought, Oh the naivety, if it wasn’t for him being so unaware of where those feelings were going . The pair of hands settled back in the pockets of his pants. 

There they could be as sweaty as they’d like, he was for sure not going to let them hang awkwardly around his thighs, not knowing what to do with them.   

Unbeknown to him at the time, it was at that very moment that the ‘Something’ had started, the ‘Something’ that had led to Yosuke not sleeping at night. 

Ok maybe not started, maybe noticed, very very noticed. And not pleasantly so. 

They continued on to the pet store, Souji mentioned some cat treats he had wanted to buy, and Yosuke would have said something about buying from Junes instead he stopped himself from doing so, because in truth, he knew that Junes didn’t really have the best quality of cat treats and food; and if anything Souji wanted to spoil the cats in Inaba, even if that would lead to them begging for more in the future. 

His partner was just like that, kind. 

When they arrived at the little shop they went in, and it went by fast, it took a little time for Souji to decide what treats though,

“Why not just pick one and go? Aren’t they all the same?” Yosuke had said.

“Not at all, cats deserve the best Yosuke,” Souji answered rather vehemently, almost petulant “I know them, they won’t settle for run of the mill treats!” he had continued

Yosuke had only sighed in exasperation in response, rolling his eyes. Although even if he showed the exasperation, the interaction had made his heart grow even… fonder for his best friend, fonder sounded like a good word, it was a safe word, it was ok. 

When they exited the little pet store they started to walk to the station, although it was a long way back, probably half an hour or something. It was a quiet walk, neither of them said much, but they didn’t need to. 

When they had entered the more busier streets, meaning they were closer to the central part of the city, Yosuke’s brain had started to wander off a little, thinking about whatever, not much but he- 

“Meooow” and as fast that was sounded both Yosuke and Souji turned to look where it came from, a little brown tabby sat by the entrance of an alleyway between the tall buildings on the street. Souji immediately walked, as what Yosuke noticed, slowly as he could muster himself to do towards the cat and then slowly squatted himself down onto the toes of his feet. 

“Hello little guy,” he cooed to the little tabby that was looking up towards him, not at all bothered by the sudden attention. “What is a handsome cutie like you doing here alone?” he continued while stretching his hand so the cat could sniff him, and ah, Souji was smitten by a cat wasn’t he? Again? What a dork . 

“You are way too friendly to those cats, man,” Yosuke said. 

Souji just ignored the anecdote and started walking farther into the alleyway, seeing as the cat was turning around, but not in a ‘i’m going to leave you now’ way, but in a ‘come along’ way. The movement got an added “mrrreeeow”. 

Yosuke followed a step after them both and when they went even deeper he saw it- Holy shit. There were a lot of cats. Maybe ten to twelve, he didn’t know if they were strays or not, but some of them had collars, some of them did not. And-

Souji, Souji looked like he had just entered a new heaven. Oh my god , Yosuke thought. The gray haired teen looked back to his friend, the biggest smile adorned his face, there it was, there was the big almost dopey smile that Yosuke had wanted to see. Because… because who wouldn’t want to see Souji happy? Before the other teen looked back to the absolute barrage of cats. 

Seeing Souji there in the alley in the middle of, basically, a pile of cats surrounding him, opening one of the treat packets he had bought, and ah, soft, Yosuke felt a little soft, at the sight, a bit fuzzy maybe, at the edges of his body.

One of the cats went over to him, it was a gray little maine coon type, probably, it had long hair and pointy ears with white tufts at the very end of them, so at least that was what Yosuke thought. It went up to his pant leg and buffed itself against it, giving a light but low “Mrow”.

Yosuke couldn’t help himself, he might have not had the same cat obsession as his friend, but he didn’t say no to the feline’s clear affection. Needy little guy huh , he thought to himself as he followed the cat that stayed close to him pleading for some pats, he placated the cat with just that, and scratched it underneath its chin. 

The cat’s hair was soft and warm as he continued to pet it at its back, there were no knots or matting, so it was probably well taken care of by someone, or it took care of itself quite well, though the latter was not that probable if anything the owner loved the cat much. 

“Hey,” Souji said and Youke looked up to him, they were both sitting down, not fully, still resting on their feets, because sitting down in an alley outside in the city wasn’t really the cleanest. “Want some for your new friend?” he said, his smile still dopey but not showing teeth. 

Yosuke only responded by holding out his hand so that Souji could pour some of the treats out into it. They were fish shaped, how adorable. The gray haired maine coon seemed to have noticed the stopping of the petting and Its eyes zeroed in on Yosuke’s hand and somehow immediately understood that it was treat time. It let out a little sharper “mreoow” at that, and the teen only looked back at it amused.  

The brown tabby that had greeted them at the alleyway entrance, as Yosuke noticed, seemed to really have taken a liking to Souji. The other cats had too, of course. But apparently the tabby had climbed Its way up onto the shoulder of the silver haired teen, Yosuke chuckled at the image before him as he continued to pet the cat by his own side. 

Souji heard and looked back at Yosuke with an even bigger smile than before, and then pouted at the brown haired teen’s laughter. Which only made what was happening before him even more hilarious, because the brown tabby was buffing Its face into Souji’s cheek, smushing the cheek so that the pout looked even poutier. 

“They really like you huh?” Yosuke said smugly, which only made the pouting grow. 

“Shut up,” Souji half heartedly murmured back, with little malice. 

When the treats were all gone, or well at least the little baggie that Souji had opened; because Yosuke mentioned that there were cats back in inaba that would like to have some as well, which had broken Souji out of the cat loving stupor he was in and thought rather seriously for a minute if he should continue or not. They decided it was time to head back. 

The little brown tabby was still on Souji’s shoulders when he stood up from his squatting position, so the silver haired teen had to physically lift the cat off of himself. Which was hilarious, because the tabby clearly did not at all seem happy over that fact, with Its tail, when the cat was on the ground, swishing back and forth like a wip. Souji only looked at it as if it was the cutest thing in the world. The pinch in Yosuke’s stomach squeezed. 

The gray maine coon however, seemed just a little sad to leave Yosuke. Somehow in this short little time, how much time had even gone by? The cat had almost found a new owner, but the maine coon’s current owner would probably have been very sad if Yosuke stole it. It seemed to be very loved by the one who took care of him now after all. 

With a final pet or two they left the alley of both strays and domesticated cats, albeit a little reluctantly so from what he saw on the face of his best friend. 

Yosuke noticed the other teen looking up towards the sky. He in turn looked upwards as well and was greeted by clusters of clouds gathering, gray and dark, and, were they supposed to be worried about this? It wasn’t in Inaba, but maybe it was? Had the forecast on his phone been wrong? 

He looked back to his partner, “Dude, are we supposed to be worried about this?”, he clenched one of his cushions of his headphones a little, he felt a spike of stress build as he tensed up. 

Souji looked back down toward him, smiling a little, and wasn’t that a comfort?

“No not at all,” Souji responded, kindly, “Inaba won’t be having any rain,” he continued and Yosuke felt himself untense and loosen his grip on his headphones, “though, this morning on the forecast they said it was a chance of a small rainfall in Okina.” his smile was still there, and yes , Yosuke decided, it was a comfort.  

“Aw man, I hope not,” Yosuke groaned, “I didn’t bring an umbrella.” letting go of his headphones he smacked his hand on top of his forehead. 

“Don’t worry, if it happens we can share.” Souji said in that deadpan voice that made Yosuke think he was teasing him again. No smirk was present though, as it had been at the arcade. Although he found a small exasperated expression on his friend’s face. The one he made whenever Yosuke himself had a look, the one that always contorted itself to show slight obvious disagreement, which if Yosuke was honest, was an understandable reaction. He didn’t have the best face to look at, much different to the one Souji had, objectively speaking , considering the amount of girls that liked him. 

They walked farther and farther away from the alley entrance as they were starting to walk back to the train station, they both had decided on heading home, Yosuke had felt a little tuckered out actually, maybe the long junes days had finally started to seep into his body, as if the moment he finally caught a break, his body responded in a red stoplight of ‘ nope, nuh uh, rest, please ’. 

Suddenly he felt something wet land on his nose, rain , his brain supplied.

Oh shit. He thought, and it was probably still a 15 minute walk away from the station. As he brought a hand above his head looking up at what he already knew was the rainy clouds, he noticed they were now even darker than before, they almost looked suffocating. But just as fast as the thought came a black shape covered his sight. And-

Oh. 

Suddenly Yosuke felt a hand grab his upper arm, squeezing it a little while tugging him closer to the side of the person who was doing it, which was of course Souji. 

“Here,” the auburn haired teen heard, “or you’ll get wet.” was the only thing Souji said, keeping his hand still on his arm. Yosuke felt a little warmth bloom there, weird, was it even possible to have hand lotion go through his jacket; no, no it wasn’t the hand lotion, it was Souji, it was his warmth, although Yosuke was sure that other teen probably had perpetually cold hands or something, it felt warm now. 

Souji had really meant what he said when he mentioned sharing an umbrella. What a dumbass, he thought to himself. Always being kind. Yosuke huffed an indignant sigh in retaliation but didn’t move to distance himself.  

And so they walked that way until they reached the station. 

They had stepped onto the train platform, the rain was letting up, leaving the distinct scent of petrichor around them. Souji still had his umbrella above both of them, he had let go of Yosuke’s arm, but not without a last squeeze, almost as if reassuring Yosuke that the rain was not connected to the TV-world at all, As if Souji knew that Yosuke was still having jitters over it, without him even saying it. Both of them were just standing still, it wasn’t like he needed to do it anymore, Yosuke reasoned to no one- or, maybe Jiraiya. 

The train arrived. Yosuke felt as if a buzz was starting to form in his head, a small headache maybe? It was a bit too dull to be a headache. Much too different to what had happened at the record store. 

As both of them had sat down, they sat in silence, this time no music was shared between the two of them as they waited to arrive back in Yasoinaba. Something began to glow even more than before, in yosuke’s chest, Yosuke felt flush, warm in his body after getting inside of the dry train car, but it didn’t feel as soothing, it was starting to burn. And Souji, Souji sat on the opposite side of him, looking back outside to the passing scenery. His gaze seemed distant, and Yosuke joined him in staring outside. 

For some unknowable reason, he couldn’t look at his friend anymore, he felt a little faint, was he getting train sick? He had concluded it had been a good day, a great day, he would probably sleep well tonight, with no worries about the midnight channel appearing. 

________________

And that was the day.

That was what had happened, that is what had happened, it wasn’t anything abnormal, it wasn’t anything unusual for their hangouts, there wasn’t anything, anything at all , that should have made Yosuke feel the way he did now, that had made it impossible for him to sleep.

But here he was, shit o'clock in the morning of a monday, whatever hours before school started, without even a wink of sleep.

He couldn’t just sit on his futon anymore, he needed to move, do something physically to get out of his head. As quietly as he could, not wanting to wake up the sleeping bear, he stood up and slowly opened his bedroom door, walking out to the hall, quietly reaching the bathroom. He turned on the bright light of the room, and while closing the door behind him he found himself getting accustomed to the stinging shine surrounding the room. 

His hands still tingled from the day, it felt like hummingbirds at the tips, suddenly feeling sick with all the buzzing, he sat down on the toilet seat with a heavy thunk , the lid was luckily closed. Yosuke breathed slowly, internally swearing at whatever made him feel the sudden overwhelming feelings, whatever they were. 

He had his hand on chest again, but it didn’t soothe him anymore. 

He moved his hand from his chest to cover his mouth while he thought harder on the day’s events, the buzzing, the warmth, Souji’s face adorned with that weird look that made Yosuke in turn feel so weird , the tingle in his fingers, red tipped ears, the warmth, and the petrichor surrounding them, the closeness, his shoulder to the other teen’s shoulder underneath the umbrella, the warmth that had been all around him even if it was damp and cold. 

The recurring warmth . The burning.

Oh,

And then it hit him,

Oh

The buzzing in his head, the burning in his chest and in his stomach, it was all because of Souji- Souji who had turned his life upside down, Souji that had months ago pulled him out of that stupid trash can he had been struggling to get out of, Souji that cared, Souji, Souji, Souji.

He couldn’t think this way of his partner, of his partner . How had he decided that that was the best word to describe Souji again? His partner, partner , partner , the thought went around his head, Souji, Souji , Souji , it continued again, making Yosuke feel a little lightheaded.

Oh god.  

He liked him, he like- liked him, he adored him .

And as if the floodgates to a waterfall opened, his brain couldn’t stop with all of it, he couldn’t stop feeling it, he couldn’t stop.

It was out in the open, it was obvious to him now, Jiraiya finally talked, or well, as much as a persona could in the brain of a teen in the “normal” world, lulled in his head, probably smiling, infuriatingly so, as if to say ‘ I told you so ’. 

Yosuke was luckily sitting on the toilet seat of the bathroom, because if he hadn’t, he probably would have stumbled by just standing up. 

He thought back to the occurrence at the little shop, his hands pressed against Souji’s lips, and he finally understood the expression that had been adorning his partner's face. 

He had made Souji blush , actually full on blush, ears tipped red blushing, shyly looking away blushing, awkwardly coughing and rubbing his own hands in the adorable way that made Yosuke want to hold his hands- blushing. His thoughts were making him dizzy.

Oh yeah, floodgates. His brain's filter was gone, and so apparently was his shame. 

Oh god , oh god, oh god. He realized he wanted to hold his partner’s hands, he wanted to hold hands with Souji. Those probably warm, because now he knew they were warm, creative hands that could fold origami paper like no one's business, those hands with calluses inside the palms from fighting shadows slicing them with the katana he had bought from Daidara, the same hands that he had, had to stop complimenting out loud around everyone else to hear in their little group a while ago. 

And his dorky smile that Yosuke wanted to see so often on his partner's face and his even dorkier obsession with cats and-

Oh god. 

How had he not known?

It was so obvious now. It was so obvious . 

That wasn’t fair, he thought, but Jiraiya only did something that felt like a smug smirk, as if to say ‘ yeah I know, and I've had to suffer, both of us have had to suffer ’. 

Curse his obliviousness, curse his shame.  

Curse this this incessant nagging in his head, the nagging that manifested in his stomach, aching, the shame . The shame of liking Souji, the fear of losing him, the fear of being judged by others, damn he was really feeling like a hypocrite. 

But he, he didn’t feel like it should have to be any different, he hadn’t treated Souji any differently than any other boy, except, maybe the nickname, and the fond looks, and the glancing , and the always needing to be close to him. 

Shit, the moment of relief in knowing what it was that was buzzing in his head had shortly passed. He didn’t want to feel this shame though, he didn’t, he wanted to feel the fluttering excitement of a quiet crush in his stomach and not the ache of anxiety, even if it was embarrassing.

He remembers how Kanji had told him weeks and weeks ago that it didn’t matter who he liked. He just liked them. And, and Yosuke knew, he knew that liking a guy wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t odd, not after everything that had happened with Kanji. 

He just didn’t think that he would; the residue of his past self was stuck like the remains of unwanted chewing gum on the sole of a shoe, sticky and tacky. 

Yosuke took a deep breath, as truth stood in front of him, Jiraiya at his side. His truth. 

The truth that he didn’t only like girls, as he once thought, and that he had a deep seeded crush that had been growing, unknowingly, towards his best friend. 

He let the deep breath out, Jiraiya seemingly satisfied at his admission, at his own acceptance. 

The knot in his stomach, the ache, began to let go, and it made the buzzing in his head and chest even more prominent. The feelings and thoughts of only Souji, Souji, Souji flooding back. 

The filter was gone yet again, and his shame too.

And Yosuke, he let himself think of Souji. Thank god. Because all he wanted to do was to think of him, of his partner. He never thought he would openly think that to himself, ever, it hadn’t even been on his mind's map, but here he was, sitting in the bathroom, under the fluorescent lights, on the toilet seat lid. 

Thinking of those, those cloudy and bright eyes, that smile, small and kind and fond , that made Yosuke smile back and heart flutter. The almost freckles that were apparent on his cheeks.

Those, those cheeks usually pale and he wanted to kiss, oh, oh… he wanted to kiss them. He wanted to hold those hands and kiss Souji’s cheeks, and his hands, and- oh he was gone wasn’t he, he was full out gone for his partner. 

Especially after that obvious flush to his face, he had particularly wanted to kiss every part of it, badly.

And, and, he wanted Souji to kiss him, on his cheek, or his temple or even the top of his head. 

He wanted to hug him again, burrow his face on his partner’s shoulder, and feel the other’s comfort wash over him and- ok that’s enough, He thought to himself as he tried to stand up, walking to the bathroom sink, turning the faucet on and washing his face. He just wanted to be close to him again. 

His heart was still burning and frazzled, his head was still buzzing too.

His brain wasn’t made for all this gooey stuff, he wasn’t made for it. If he thought more on it he would probably overheat from all the warmth spreading in his body from thinking too hard about it, his brain would probably melt to goo and then run out into a puddle beside him. But damn if it didn’t slip sometimes. 

Soon he was back up again, and was leaning on the sink straightening himself, shutting off the bathroom fluorescent lights behind him. While he walked back to his room, he noticed that outside light had begun to stream in, shit, no way.

As soon as he stepped back into his bedroom, silently as to not disturb the resident adoptive pest(brother) sharing his quarters, he flipped open his phone, the digital clock stared back at him with its glaring blue light, 4:30 am. 

There was no way that he had been stuck in his head that long, urgh no way . 

As he layed back down onto his futon, he huffed a sigh, mumbling to himself again “Impossible,” he shook his head making himself comfortable in his bed, “You are impossible, Souji” he whispered, as if Souji was there, able to hear his complaints.  

Looking up to the ceiling he noticed feeling better than before, the buzzing was subdued, his stomach didn’t ache, and his heart had a comforting heat to it, the sizzling had mellowed. 

He put his hand to his forehead and laughed lightly, he still couldn’t believe that he, Yosuke Hanamura, had a big fat crush on the one and only Souji Seta. His partner, his best friend, his first in command, the leader of the IT and the oh so ‘mysterious’ transfer student from the big city. 

The Souji Seta that folded paper cranes for comfort, and if it wasn’t for Dojima’s ‘no cat inside the house’ policy, would probably end up adopting every stray cat he could. The Souji that had those small kind smiles, and handsome gray eyes, handsome because Yosuke allowed himself to think that now, and a thrilling smirk. And, and that silly haircut that framed his face oh so perfectly , hiding his eyebrows, making those endearingly frustrating jokes with a straight face. 

So maybe Yosuke was, also, maybe, a little bit, in love. 

He laid there, eyes closed, sighing one last time, this time his mind was calm and soothingly filled with his partner. He fell asleep. 

And if he was a few minutes late to school the next morning, adorned with dark circles under his eyes, but a smile gracing his face; and if he glanced at his partner that was looking at him so endearingly worried, well, nobody had to know why anyway.