Work Text:
"You're not better than me."
"Wynonna, please stop."
"Hey, look at me, you little shit," growled Wynonna, the Earp heir, the Champion, savior of Purgatory and the Ghost River Triangle and the world. "I am Waverly's sister. I'm Nicole's best friend. Their kid wears my leather jacket. I am the original Wynonna fucking Earp, and you will not win."
Catnonna blinked indolently at Wynonna, then reached out a furry little paw and nudged her beer bottle off of the table.
"Wy-non-na!" Waverly tutted, running to pick up the bottle before the beer got all over the floor. "I told you to be careful around her!"
"Wha' - but ... but she's the one who's out to get me!" Catnonna purred and rubbed up against Wynonna's arm. "Oh, don't try to be cute now."
"But she is cute," Waverly cooed, scooping up her almost grown but still small cat and snuggling her to her chest. "Aren't you the cutest thing, my little Catnonna?"
Wynonna glared at Catnonna.
Catonna purred harder.
*
Nedley's new orange kitten, Ginger Nedley - named after his favorite sheriff and his favorite Spice Girl - took her job as bar manager very seriously. She watched all of Shorty's patrons from her perch on Nedley's shoulder, her no-nonsense attitude diminished not one iota by the oversized bow tie collar around her neck.
"She'll grow into it," Nedley said, gazing fondly down at her.
"Aw, she's so cute! I have to show Waverly." Nicole took out her phone and snapped a picture, cooing at Lucy to make her look at the camera. "Thanks, I needed this today."
"Why? Demons giving you trouble?"
"No. I mean, okay, I did have to kill a spider demon nest today, which was creepy. They only die if you set them on fire, and they kinda ... scream while you do it."
"Well, that's unsettling."
"You have no idea." She shuddered, then sighed. "But mostly, it's Waverly's birthday party. Keeping a secret from her is so hard. but I really want it to be a surprise. And then Rachel's making the cake but she won't let me know what she's doing with it and I'm starting to get a little worried. Plus, Wynonna's here and she's got some weird rivalry thing with our cat, and Jeremy was supposed to help me pick things up today but since Doc got back I haven't been able to peel the two of them apart."
Ginger gave her a m'raww of sympathy.
"Anything I can do?" Nedley asked.
"Maybe you could find out how Rachel's baking is going? If it's vegan, and if she has a real recipe, and if we're all going to be poisoned?"
"Can do. So can Ginger come to the party?"
"Oh, absolutely."
*
The frustration was all worth it when she brought Waverly home two days later to a homestead filled with decorations and a pretty killer looking cake and a table weighed down with a mountain of presents, and all the people Waverly loved shouting "Surprise!" and "Happy Birthday!"
Her angel pressed her hand to her mouth and she teared up. Nicole had an arm wrapped around her shoulders in a second. "Are you okay? Are you surprised?"
Waverly winced and turned big remorseful eyes up at her. "No, sweetie pie, sorry. Wynonna told me like three weeks ago."
Nicole's head whipped around to find her best friend standing frozen by the chips and dip, wide-eyed and panicked. "Wynonna Earp!"
"Don't get too mad at her, Jeremy told me too."
"Ha!" Wynonna said, pointing at Jeremy with vindication as he hid behind Doc.
"And it doesn't matter, because this is amazing," Waverly breathed, before turning and hugging Nicole tight. "Thank you!"
Nicole smiled and kissed the side of her wife's head, deciding disciplining their friends could wait for another day. "Anything for you, baby."
Waverly pulled away, laughing, the corners of her eyes crinkled up in happiness. "And that goes for all of you. This is already the best birthday I've ever had."
Which was when the spider demon attacked.
About the size of a small dog and unfortunately as hairy, it dropped from the ceiling to the floor and screeched at them before scuttling towards the cake table.
Rachel aimed a sloppy kick at it, her face enraged. "I spent all day on that cake, asshole, get away from it!"
She missed, and the thing did some sort of hiss-yell-rattle of doom and ducked under the couch. Nedley pulled Rachel away to stop her from trying again, corralling her and Billy in the opposite corner of the room and putting a protective hand on Ginger, who was sitting on his shoulder and hissing reprimands at the intruder.
By then, both Wynonna and Doc had their guns out, Wynonna eyeing the couch in a way that worried Nicole deeply. She didn't want anything to ruin Waverly's birthday, of course, but she also really liked their couch. "What hell is that thing?"
"Lower spider demon, I killed a nest a few days ago. I guess one followed me back," Nicole summarized, looking around for the matches she'd put to the side to light the candles. "It's okay, I just need to ..."
Then there was a familiar yowling from under the couch. And then it started to shake.
Wynonna pointed Peacemaker at the shaking and Nicole lunged to hold her back. "You are not killing our cat on Waverly's birthday!"
"Well, what do you suggest we do then?"
Before anyone could come up with an idea, the shaking stopped, and Catnonna emerged from under the sofa. She had dark blood on her little muzzle and on her tiny cute feet. She trotted up to Waverly and rubbed against her legs.
Jeremy dropped down and looked under the couch. "Yeah, so the spider demon is dead. Or, at least, it's in a lot of pieces. So, so many pieces."
Wynonna lowered her gun and her shoulder slumped a bit. "Okay, fine, your cat is awesome."
Ginger gave a solemn m'rawww of agreement.
*
After burning the many spider demon pieces in the fireplace, just in case, the rest of Waverly's party went off without a hitch. The cake turned out to be delicious, vanilla sponge with layers of smooth icing and raspberry jam, and Rachel smiled shyly when everyone complimented it. The presents were mostly nice, except for Wynonna's secondary present of fancy lube, and most importantly, Waverly grinned ear-to-ear the whole night.
Nicole even caught Wynonna scratching Catnonna between the ears, before Catnonna knocked Wynonna's beer off the table again.
*
"It was perfect," Waverly said dreamily.
"Even with the demon?" Nicole asked skeptically. It was one in the morning and they had just gotten into bed. She could hear Wynonna, Doc, and Nedley still celebrating downstairs, probably with even more alcohol, and she suspected they were all going to pass out in their living room. Which would be fun when she had to go to work in a few hours.
"It's Purgatory. What can you do? At least it was a small one."
"True. So you want to do this again next year?"
"Maybe?" At Nicole's look, Waverly rushed to assure her, "I love having everyone here, I really do, it's just ... maybe next year we can have Nedley pick Rachel up and we'll have a couple days alone together. Just the two of us."
"That sounds perfect," Nicole said, kissing Waverly's shoulder. "But we'll still have cake with everybody?"
"Of course. I'd never skip cake."
"Good." She trailed her lips from her wife's shoulder to her collarbone and then up her neck, grinning briefly as Waverly sighed and tilted her head to the side to give her more access. "So now that everyone's asleep," she kissed just under her chin, "and we're alone," she kissed the edge of her jaw, just under her ear, "do you want one more birthday present?" She nudged their noses together, their lips a breath apart.
"Yes, please," Waverly whispered, wrapping her arms around Nicole's neck, giggling and pulling her down on top of her. Her kisses tasted like joy, somehow, and also like raspberry jam, and Nicole chased after the taste again and again, her hands pulling at Waverly's shirt; she felt Waverly's fingers slip under the top of her pajama pants.
Then she froze as something furry brushed against her foot. She pulled away and looked down to see their not-quite-grown cat making her way up the bedding. She groaned. "Catnonna ..."
Catnonna didn't seem bothered by the fact that her mothers had been preoccupied before she came in. She butted her head against Nicole's chin, then curled up on Waverly's chest, staring her dead in the eye.
Waverly raised her eyebrows. "Um ... hi?"
Nicole smiled and settled on the bed next to them. "I think she's saying happy birthday."
Catnonna purred.