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Chuuya doesn’t know if he’s ever been to a festival. He doesn’t know if he liked them before.
All he knows is that he likes them now.
The colors were bright and lively, the commotion was joyful and happy, the activities were exciting, the food was great. He couldn’t say there was anything he didn’t like about festivals. They were especially beautiful in the winter when the snow would crunch under foot, hang from the lights and atop the venders. The chill was nice against his skin even if it left him a little flushed.
He loved winter. He loved the snow and he loved the chill. It was like the heat in his bones could finally be repressed. He loved winter.
“Chibiii! It’s too cold out here!”
Unluckily, he knew someone who felt the opposite.
Chuuya couldn’t help but grimace at Dazai’s whining. “It’s not that bad, dumbass. Get over yourself.” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets. Dazai whined as he crossed his arms over his chest petulantly. He always looked like a child when he did that (it was cute).
“Remind me why we’ve stopped here again?” Dazai asked grumpily as they walked through rows and rows of stalls. Chuuya scanned them as they went, different catching and shooting games to be seen around. “Cause food and stuff is cheap here and I’m trying to save us some money.” He said nonchalantly.
It was a good couple months ago that they had left the mafia. Chuuya wouldn’t really get into the details of it because it was an…embarrassing memory for him, but they’ve been on the run for a good while now and struggling with money on top of that wasn’t enjoyable. It wasn’t like Chuuya didn’t know how to save, he knew better than anyone self-discipline. The problem was that Dazai (and sometimes himself too, but he wouldn’t admit that) was high maintenance.
Bandages, canned crab, food that was digestible and good for his body, first aid equipment, the list went on really and though most of the stuff they needed wasn’t painfully expensive, though a little costly. It was simply the amount that stood as a problem.
So, like a true street kid, Chuuya found any and every way to save money as much as possible. Festivals just so happened to be the jackpot because although the entrance fee was a bit much, the food and such was actually worth its costs, maybe even sold at a little bit lower. Besides, they’d already solved the first problem by sneaking in.
Although, he would admit that he was a bit distracted.
He couldn’t help himself honestly. Lights like these in the night were some of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen, no matter how many times he sees them, he never gets tired of them. Perhaps that was because he liked the unchanging just as much as he liked change. Which didn’t sound like it had any connection but he had always been a bit more thoughtful than people tended to assume.
“We couldn’t have gone anywhere else? Somewhere warmer?” Dazai asked. Chuuya rolled his eyes at him. “I’m taking the opportunities given to me.” He said before starting his vendor hopping.
With the money he had brought with him, Chuuya bought a few different preserved snacks, preferably those that were in plastic containers. Buying canned food in a convenience store wasn’t actually expensive, but Chuuya was honestly sick of canned food and he needed a break from them. They also weren’t the best for Dazai who was still pretty thin, though not as much as he used to be.
He bought them both a light snack as they went, mostly for Dazai to snack on to temporarily stop his complaining.
Walking through this small event was colorful and loud. They bickered and listened to other people talk, Dazai gossiped about the bits and pieces of conversations he could hear, putting together his own little story with them while Chuuya listened. Dazai pointed out all the different eccentric prizes and Chuuya mostly looked at the plushes. Sue him, they looked soft.
Chuuya would dare to say that it was nice. Being here with Dazai.
Or maybe he’s just biased because he’s in love.
After some time, Dazai had started to complain about being cold again. Honestly, Chuuya thought he got over that, but he guessed getting distracted never truly makes Dazai forget things.
“Chuuyaaa!!!” He complained, drawing eyes towards them. Chuuya’s eye twitched at this, he was drawing way too much attention to them. “Can it would ya!? It’s not that bad!” He exclaimed. Dazai continued to huff nonetheless.
“Chuuya.”
Ignore him.
“Chuuuuyaaaa~”
Ignore him…
“CHUUU-”
Before Dazai could finish his yelling, a thick red scarf hit him in the face, muffling his voice. Chuuya watched as he hastily pulled it down and looked at it blankly. “Will you stop complaining if I give you my scarf?” He asked irritably.
Dazai looked as if he were thinking about it for a while just to annoy Chuuya, in the end he nodded with a cheeky smile. Chuuya sighed in relief. “Oh thank god.” He said before stopping and turning to Dazai to fix the scarf properly.
He took one step closer, folding the scarf around his neck, once, twice, thrice and then put it through a loop. Now, the lower part of Dazai’s face was effectively covered in red wool. When Chuuya looked up, he couldn’t help but spare himself just a few seconds to look at the man before him.
He was taller than he had been a few months ago, and his dark brown hair had gotten a little longer too in that time. His cheeks were filling out nicely and the color on them made him look healthy. Still not the healthiest, but better than nothing. Of course he could still see the little nuances that weren’t so perfect like his slightly crooked nose and that almost unnoticeable birthmark just at the edge of his brow, but somehow it was all just as captivating as the rest.
His imperfection was stunning in Chuuya’s eyes.
Everytime he looks at these imperfections, he’s reminded of the painting hidden along the canvas that was his skin. The dark hues, the lighter ones, the unnatural colors and the valleys they create with every rise and bump. He remembers them all from where they were covered by bandages, like a drape over a masterpiece.
Every time he sees these imperfections, he’s reminded of just what it was he loved and why he loved Dazai.
He sighed and took a step back and began to walk forward, only pausing when he didn't hear Dazai following after him. “Come on. We’ve got everything we need but I’m bored.” He said, turning his gaze back over his shoulders to peer back at his partner. The partner that he accompanied in crime, in hiding, and in the merits of peaceful and not so peaceful nights and days.
“It is a festival, right? We should have some fun.”
Chuuya could’ve sworn he had seen the tail end of a peculiar expression on Dazai’s face, but all he could see now was the way his features softened, unnoticeable to the untrained eye. Sometimes he wished that Dazai couldn’t make him so weak. Other times, it’s something he’s never loved more.
At the moment, he’s in love with the feeling.
“Sure.”
… … …
There were so many games, so many activities and things to do, Dazai almost felt overwhelmed.
He’s never been to a festival before. He feels out of his depth, but it wasn’t all that bad. He wasn’t alone after all. He wonders how empty being here would feel if it wasn’t Chuuya that he was with. If he was alone, how could he have enjoyed this?
He’s glad that Chuuya was here with him. Things felt easier this way even if they weren’t. It was like a continuous, flickering light in his life; a fire that both warmed him with a sweet touch and burned him in a violent haze. What a sweet fire it was.
The two of them traveled around playing games with the little money they had, and Dazai would admit that it wasn’t the festival colors he was looking at, or the prizes they’d won that caught his attention. No, the first thing that drew his gaze was the small smile that Chuuya wore.
All the smiles he’s seen from Chuuya have always been big and bold, shameless in their tenacity. But this smile was one that he’s rarely ever seen. It sits on his lips like a butterfly on a flower, and it was no less shameless than all the others. Except, it was softer; soft with joy and contentment.
He didn’t need to see it more than once to remember it’s every shape, its every curve it twisted on his face.
Chuuya himself stood out boldly amongst the snow with his warm colors. He blended in like a person in a crowd of people in the festival lights, but his eyes still stood out. His smile still stood out against it all.
Why did he care so much? About Chuuya’s smile, his everything. Why did it matter to him in the first place? He’s wondered this for a good couple years now and dreadfully, it’s the only question he has yet to find the answer to. In the midst of his musing, he would walk, and he would follow and let his mouth run on autopilot.
Chuuya noticed at some point, –he knew he would– but unlike all the other times, he didn’t try to snap Dazai out of it. Perhaps it’s because he knew there were no bad thoughts in his head this time around, or he was simply having too much fun to even try and disrupt it.
Still, somehow he looked as if he knew that Dazai would come out of himself eventually. He was right of course, because an hour later, Dazai felt as though he was back in his own skin again, absently chewing on a chocolate mochi (he really likes this flavor) and holding a bag full of little trinkets and prizes as they exited the area, finally leaving the event altogether.
Chuuya was holding the bags of contained food he had bought at the start, and a big dolphin plush in his arms, his other hand occupied by a bag full of smaller plushies as well. (He seems to really like them. Maybe Dazai will tease him about it later.)
“Hm, that bridge looks like a good place to jump, don't you think so, Chuuya?” He asked without much thought. Chuuya scoffed at his comment. “Definitely not.” He replied. Still, they began to cross that bridge. As they did so, not too far from there, a loud boom shouted out to them and the duo turned their attention to it.
Fireworks.
Explosions of color painted the sky, the inky black looking a little less bland. Red, yellow, blue, green, the hues were ever changing and ever lasting in their pigment. Dazai doesn’t often see fireworks, he never has the time to stop and watch them. This is the first time he’s ever been there to see their beginning.
It was just about as much as he expected from the way that people described by both word of mouth and by books. Colorful, loud, exciting and magical if he’d dare to say. It was all these things, but it didn’t appeal all that much to Dazai. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t anything all that special.
Dazai sighed and turned to Chuuya, “Hey I-”.
He paused.
He stared.
And he breathed .
The lights lit up the area, they boomed against his face and caressed his skin none too gently. They reflected in his eyes a kaleidoscope of colors, a collage of emotions, a splattered canvas with a shining blue as its base. Somehow, it seemed as though Chuuya had become the lights.
His expression wasn’t as bright and excited as he had expected. No, it was soft and wistful; mirth in his smile, calm in the creases under his eyes, and suddenly Dazai was seeing all of Chuuya.
Every little detail, from his freckles to his small ears, from his sharp jaw to his button nose, from his emotions to his love of the scene before him. And when he turned to look at Dazai, that expression hardly changed, if anything, it looked as if it melted further.
Suddenly, it was Dazai who was melting.
Oh. Oh, he knew what this was.
He knew exactly what made him hold Chuuya so close to his heart, and what made him pay attention to Chuuya. Why he cared for him; about him and his everything. He had an answer to that pending question now.
“...I think I’m in love with you.”
The admission was small. It barely made it past his lips that hardly moved, it was too quiet to hear over the explosive noise of the fireworks, and that was evident in the puzzled tilt of Chuuya’s head. “What did you say?” Chuuya asked. Dazai did respond, instead he shook his head with a small sigh that turned his lips up into a hesitant smile.
“No I just… I think I’m in love with the lights; that’s all.” He said instead.
Chuuya looked at him for a second longer before turning his attention back to the light show. “Okay,” He said, resting his arms against the railing. “Nice to know.”
Yes. Yes it was.