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Winter mornings were Miyano’s favorites. It’s not that he was particularly fond of the season— truth be told, he had never thought much about it, so he couldn’t really tell— but there was something about them that made them enjoyable. Perhaps it was their quietness. At home and on the train ride to school, no one really dared to speak loudly or move around a lot, almost as if the cold slowed down everyone’s pace of living to save energy for the holidays coming right around the corner.
It rarely snowed, and the sun seemed to have turned down its intensity, rays peeking from behind gray clouds almost shyly, promising to come back later. Even the air, filled with expectation and smelling of cinnamon and fallen leaves, stood still most days like a held-in breath. Still, as he took off his shoes and placed them into his locker, Miyano allowed himself to bask in the tranquility, pondering whether to buy a can of hot cocoa or not.
“Winter is set on killing me!”
Well. Winter mornings were mostly quiet, Miyano remembered.
As Tashiro cried out, he quickly walked into the building, getting as far away from the open doors as possible. He then started jumping, small hops in one place, while he cupped his gloved hands and took them to his mouth, blowing into the space between them.
“You’re a tough guy, Tashiro,” Kuresawa reassured behind him, greeting Miyano with a small nod that he replied to with a knowing smile. “Surely a couple of cold days won’t bring you down.”
“I’m telling you, I’m not made for this weather! I thrive in the summer, with the games and the sun and the juicy watermelon slices…,” Tashiro seemed to get lost in the memory for a second before a shiver brought him back abruptly. Hugging himself, he raised his shoulders all the way to his ears, almost pouting. “Winter gives me nothing but a red nose, stiff muscles and chills in parts of my body I didn’t even know could get cold.”
“Kinda TMI,” Shirahama chimed in, walking past him with a can of black coffee in his hand.
Miyano couldn’t help but laugh, briefly, concealing it behind a cough when Tashiro shoot him a weak glare. “Want a heat pack? I brought some extra with me,” he offered, a smile taking over his face again as his friend’s expression quickly change to visible, almost palpable relief.
“Yes, please.” As he took the little bag and put it in his coat’s inner pocket, Tashiro seemed to melt as he continued moving. “Miyano, you’re a lifesaver.” He then turned to look back at Kuresawa, taking his appearance in. “Dude, aren’t you cold? Where is your sweater?”
He was the only one out of the four of them that was using a knitted vest over his uniform’s shirt, nothing more. Miyano and Shirahama were both using a coat along with their cardigans, scarves left behind in their lockers when they came in. Meanwhile, Tashiro was covered from head to toe in warm clothes, as if his pudding-colored hair peeking under his beanie didn’t make him stand out enough.
“I’m okay, I don’t really get cold,” Kuresawa replied, fixing his glasses with one hand as he took out his phone with the other. Miyano had heard a faint buzz right before. A ‘good morning’ text?
Tashiro followed his movements closely, looking at him as if he had grown a second head. “How? It’s freezing outside! You should be shivering, or with a runny nose, or both!”
Kuresawa typed for a moment before looking up, staring at his friend with an impassive expression. Then, he deadpanned, “I would be sick then, and I wouldn’t come here while sick. It’s as if you don’t know me, Tashiro. You hurt my feelings.”
“At least get flushed! The air is so prickly, just walking my way here left my face feeling raw…”
As Tashiro continued talking, Miyano stole a quick look at Kuresawa. Only because their friend had pointed it out, he realized he had never seen him blush before, and it was kind of surprising that not even the weather seemed to have any effect on him. Miyano was the total opposite: during winter, his skin was perpetually rosy, something he concealed behind his clothes and quick movements. But, outside of that, he tried to remember if there had been any occasion where Kuresawa’s faced filled with color, and nothing was coming up.
Even when talking about his girlfriend, all he got was a glimmer in his eyes and a soft, endeared smile over his lips. Miyano on the other hand couldn’t even think about Sasaki without feeling blood rush to his face.
“I quite enjoy this temperature, actually,” Kuresawa began as his phone buzzed in his hand again. And it was right when he unlocked the screen to read the message when it happened: for the first time ever since these four boys met, three of them saw a cloud of pink spread over Kuresawa’s face along with a bashful (bashful!, Miyano’s thoughts echoed) smile, filled with something that could only be one thing coming from him. “Perfect for, um…”
“Stop, stop, stop! Don’t wanna hear it!,” Tashiro flailed his arms for a second before yelping. “Ow, Shirahama, don’t squeeze my shoulder like that!”
“I wasn’t really going to say it,” Kuresawa murmured, looking away to try and control his expression.
“Hey, Miyano, stop! Your face is saying everything Kuresawa isn’t!,” Shirahama exclaimed, pointing at him, his eyebrows furrowed.
Miyano was fighting back a blush, the memory of how he had spent his weekend coming back to him, not unwanted but also not ideal at that moment. Curse you, Kuresawa. “I-It’s not like I can control it! Look away!,” he pleaded, hoping his expression didn’t reveal everything he wanted to keep for himself.
Shirahama clicked his tongue, accusing, “Of course you partner-having bastards would love winter. At least you got somebody to keep you warm!”
The first bell rang the moment he finished talking, and from an outsider’s point of view it would’ve been almost funny how both Miyano and Kuresawa immediately walked towards their respective classrooms at the same time, murmuring quick goodbyes and leaving their friends to sulk by themselves.
❄️
Miyano came back to his bedroom holding a tray with two cups of warm barley tea. He walked in just in time to see Sasaki sneeze into his elbow, the sound too brief and quiet it could’ve almost been a yelp.
Sasaki sniffed, resting his back against the side of Miyano’s bed. “Sorry, Myaa-chan…,” he murmured, looking down at the floor.
“Don’t worry, senpai. Bless you,” Miyano reassured, holding back an endeared laugh; he just loved Sasaki’s sneezes, he couldn’t help but think, setting the tray on his desk. He grabbed one of the cups, offering it to his boyfriend. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, it’s just— it’s cold, I guess,” Sasaki replied, raising his shoulders for a moment as if to hold back a shiver, murmuring a thank you as he took his tea. Miyano noticed that the tips of his fingers were a very light shade of pink, almost lost against his warm skin.
Oh, his heartbeat stuttered.
“I’ll close the window,” Miyano offered, climbing into his bed to do so. It wasn’t opened completely, just enough to let some air in, but Sasaki was right: his room was getting a bit too cold, even for him. “Better?”
Sasaki exhaled, relaxing into his laid back position again after taking a sip of his drink. A small, gentle smile softened his expression, and Miyano saw every single little gesture with intent. “Yeah. Thank you, Myaa-chan.”
And he couldn’t help but blush a little bit, his ears burning, and Miyano was thankful he had his hair to cover them up almost completely. As he sat at the edge of the bed in the spot next to Sasaki, he was tempted to do something with his hands, the memory of soft strands brushing the spaces between his fingers too vivid to not be yearned for.
Instead, he cleared his throat and asked, “Do you not like the cold, senpai?”
“I do, it’s my body that doesn’t,” Sasaki said, a small laugh escaping from his lips as he turned his head to look up at Miyano. “You seem to like it a lot, though.”
“I can’t say I don’t.” Miyano leaned in just a breath closer, almost unconsciously. It was hard to resist when Sasaki’s eyes focused on him like that, an open invitation to seek the comfort they held. “We were kinda talking about that this morning at school, you know? About how we were holding on in this weather. Tashiro really hates it,” he laughed at the memory, the echoes of their voices ringing inside his chest. “Winter can be rough for some people.”
Sasaki hummed, lowering his head to take another sip from his tea. After a moment, he declared: “I do prefer autumn’s temperature, but I like winter too. The mornings are always quiet, so it’s… nice.”
Miyano’s mouth fell open in surprise as he recognized the words his boyfriend had said as his own thoughts. That had happened before, he remembered; somehow, they both shared ideas that were uncannily similar when said out loud, and they felt like more than a coincidence. They were points of connection, missing pieces that finally found the perfect match. It was the small things that pulled them towards each other, leaving them helpless to the movement, like gravity.
Perhaps it was cheesy to even think about it, but Miyano liked the idea that moments like those did nothing but reaffirm that they were meant to be. It didn’t matter when, where, or how long it took them to accept it; eventually, they would’ve found each other, and they would’ve realized that they didn’t want to look anywhere else, for they understood each other even on the things that were a secret to themselves.
His boyfriend raised a hand to rub the back of his own neck and Miyano followed every movement with wide, attentive eyes, feeling heat spread over his cheeks. “If there’s something I don’t like about this season is how flushy I get in the cold,” Sasaki added, clueless to the places Miyano’s train of thought was taking him.
“Flushy?,” Miyano repeated, unable to stop the smile that took over his lips. Cute. Then, he remembered another part of that morning’s conversation, and tilted his head to the side in curiosity. “You know, senpai, you don’t really blush a lot.”
“Yeah, it’s not something that happens to me easily,” Sasaki conceded, stretching his arm to leave his empty cup back on the tray. He then crouched and, suddenly, turned on his heels, facing Miyano head on with a smile that allowed one of his fangs to peek, and Miyano immediately felt himself burn. “You, on the other hand…”
Taken aback by the sudden attack, he couldn’t do anything but yelp before there was a kiss placed over the corner of his mouth, sweet and almost chaste. “It’s so easy to make you blush, Myaa-chan,” Sasaki pointed out, amused, definitely too close for Miyano’s wellbeing. He didn’t dare to push him away, though, on the contrary; his hands twitched as he restrained the desire to pull his boyfriend closer. “Even when it’s not winter, your cheeks are always pink. It’s so cute.”
Sasaki’s hands were carefully placed to each side of Miyano’s body, so he could also feel how much he was containing himself, even if his words were spoken lightly. There were moments, like that one, when Miyano wanted to say that he could let go, that he could do whatever he wanted to, and it would be alright because he wanted it, too. He could feel the shape of the words at the tip of his tongue and, as he exhaled a shaky breath, he felt them hang from his lips.
“It-It only happens when I’m around you, though,” it’s what came out in their place, and immediately Miyano wanted to sink into his bed and disappear.
Sasaki’s eyes widened at that, mouth falling open just barely. One, two heartbeats later, as he leaned forward, Miyano’s breath hitched, and he closed his eyes to brace for the impact that he was sure would come (for every kiss with Sasaki felt like a collision, like the birth of a star), but it didn’t. Instead, he rested his forehead against Miyano’s shoulder, murmuring his name like a helpless plea.
He was about to ask if something was wrong when Miyano felt a peculiar heat spread over his shoulder… through the fabric of his shirt, he noticed. It took him a second to connect the dots, but once he did, his eyes flew open. “Wait, senpai, are you blushing right now?” and he couldn’t conceal the growing excitement in his voice, eager to confirm because he already knew. There was just no other option. “Let me see!”
Sasaki groaned, burying his face deeper into his shoulder, causing Miyano to lean back a little bit, his back almost fully resting on the bed. As they registered what was happening, they both felt heat spread all the way down to their necks and extend over their chests, but didn’t dare to pull away.
“Senpai…,” Miyano called, one of his hands slowly rising to stroke Sasaki’s nape. It was warm, and, from the sliver of skin he managed to peek at between his fingers, the loveliest shade of pink, too. “Would you look at me, please…,” and he swallowed, nervous about what he was going to say next. He exhaled it softly, quietly, only for one person to hear, “Shuumei-san?”
That did it. In one slow movement, Sasaki raised his head and gazed down at him with heavy-lidded eyes, trying to keep the rest of his expression unreadable, but the rosy brightness all over his face was telling enough. Miyano was a little embarrassed himself (he had only said the truth, and hadn’t intended to cause such a reaction), but seeing the effect his words had on Sasaki gave him the confidence to continue testing the limits, trying to discover how much they could both resist before one of them finally gave in.
Carefully, his free hand brushed a strand of hair away from Sasaki’s face. As he did so, his fingertips caressed the shell of his pierced ear, the touch feather-light. And when Sasaki tilted his head to nuzzle his palm, resting his cheek against it, Miyano’s body felt as though it had been stricken by a lightning bolt.
His heart skipped a beat. He was left light-headed by the sudden rush of feelings that hit him, and he wanted to say so many things, admit so many secrets and ask so many questions, but instead he blurted out, “I love you so much.”
Sasaki smiled at that, discreet and blithe, his eyes closing comfortably. Miyano felt every movement of his lips when he whispered in response, “I love you too, Yoshikazu.”
When he leaned in to finally kiss him, Miyano met him in the middle. It was gentle and unhurried, warming them up like snowflakes melting under the sun. And when Miyano tried to pull back, Sasaki followed him close, barely giving him time to breathe in before capturing his lips again.
Miyano was hopeless; he had definitely lost at his own game.
Once they separated again, Miyano found himself laying down completely, his back comfortably resting on his bed. One of Sasaki’s hands was tangled up in the hair at the back of his head, while the other was placed right next to his torso, supporting him up. His boyfriend seemed to need a couple of seconds to catch his breath and process the arrangement they had gotten into as well, and once he finally did, they both looked at each other with wide eyes, matching shades of deep pink spreading over their faces.
One of them laughed first, the other joining him shortly, and they had never felt so much love bubble inside their chests. It was dizzying and extraordinary, they didn’t want it to end. But how could it?
“Can we stay like this, Sasaki-senpai?” Miyano asked once they had calmed down, his eyes bright with adoration as he looked up at him.
Sasaki nodded his head, taken aback by the sudden petition. “Yeah— Yes, yeah. Are you sure? We don’t— I mean, we don’t have to.”
Miyano hummed, a smile blooming over his lips. “Mn. I want to.” His voice was barely a whisper when he added, “You don’t need to keep yourself up, by the way. You can lay down next to me or…,” he left the rest of the sentence to float in the air between them, but Sasaki knew very well what he didn’t dare to voice out loud; he knew because he wanted it, too.
Still, he had to voice his deepest concern. “I’m afraid I might hurt you,” he admitted, quietly.
Miyano shook his head just barely, reassuring, “You won’t.”
And Sasaki trusted him so much, there was nothing else he could do but comply. He lowered himself with slow movements, one of his arms gingerly wrapping around Miyano’s waist as they got comfortable in their new position. Miyano did something similar around his shoulders, holding Sasaki close to his body as he buried his face in his boyfriend’s hair.
He could feel himself burning up, but Sasaki’s body was still warmer. It was so comfortable, he was sure it would only take him a couple of minutes to fall asleep like that.
“Is this okay, Myaa-chan?” he heard, a murmur against his chest.
Miyano brought Sasaki impossibly closer, overwhelmed with how much he treasured the boy in his arms. He left a quick kiss on the crown of his head, closing his eyes as he whispered, “Yes. I’m right where I want to be.”