Work Text:
Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Steve and Gary were bitter that night, the Autobots were literally less than ten desperate glitches trying to survive, and yet the Decepticons armada was still losing somehow. They had nothing to do (it was a filthy lie, they just didn’t want to work), so they decided that it would be a great idea to start bitching about everything and everyone regardless of their faction.
Steve:
*gasp* “(Would you look at that!)
Lord Megatron and Starscream
Fighting every breem
Darling, do beware
The Seeker's a bitch
While Knockout instead
Is Having an affair
With the blue barbarian there
Just his niche”
Gary:
Fine war time
Divine war time
A touch crappy but
Stinkin' weird
Steve:
What a pretty smile
Mr. Soundwave
Pity it is not
His face at all
Breakdown as well
He's as queer as hell
And bi-sexuelle
Likes to switch
Gary:
Wheeljack is so whack
And Ultra Magnus is back
While Our one wish is to
Bitch, bitch, bitch
Steve:
Look at Shockwave!
God, he's put on weight
Gives you more to hate
Mean old glitch
Ratchet’s here on board
Looking really old
Poor Optimus
He's a boring glitch
Gary:
Mad Autobots
Unique Insecticons
And freak Decepticons
we Quickly ditch
Steve:
Smokescreen’s also there
Awful paintjob wear
That's his yellow mate there
With the voice-box twitch
Skyqwake and Dreadwings!
What a pair of freaks
They were quirky twins
Now they’re dead and grey-ish
Both:
Arcee’s maddening
Airachnid’s dreading
The leg-spreading
While Unicron's arising
Come here and
Bitch, bitch, bitch
Bitch, bitch, bitch
“Decepticon/Who-/ laze about and whine over their own inadequacies. Ugh, what a waste of time and resources/ NOW GET MOVING, BEFORE I DISMANTLE YOU MYSELF!” the two Vehicons froze.
It was Megatron’s voice behind them- but it couldn’t be… they would have heard him… oh no-
They turned around, it was Soundwave, they stared at him for a while unable to move a single gear, just like that weir four legged organic they almost ran over in one of their missions (In the end that thing hadn’t moved an inch and come out unharmed, but Gary, fearing organic contamination had swerved right into a tree) until Soundwave replayed Megatron’s remixed voice “NOW GET MOVING, BEFORE I DISMANTLE YOU MYSELF!”
They obeyed faster than Starscream on red energon.