Chapter Text
White. The purest colour in the world. Symbolising purity, innocence, and sometimes — sympathy.
You adored how it could brighten the room, creating the illusion of a bigger space. Not only that, you loved each flower your fiancé gave you every time he came home. Either it was rose, baby's breath, camellia, orchids, carnation, whatever it was.
But among other things, your favourite would be the way that white particular turtleneck sweater hugs his torso.
Your friends often snicker at the clothing. It was his dearest uniform, even though it was oversized and hid each curve on his body. In your eyes, he looked so adorable wearing it. Well, Miguel O'Hara and the word adorable might not be compatible, but when you were head over heels for someone, it was bound to happen.
White was the colour of your life. When you were bitten by a radioactive spider and turned into the one and only Spider-Woman, you even decided to go with the said colour for your suit. Miguel warned you how it wouldn't be a good option, knowing how hard it would be to wash it later on.
However, with a kiss on the cheek and puppy eyes fixated on him, he relented.
For so long, the colour became your favourite. It was there on every step you took, complementing each day that passed. It reminded you about the beauty of life and the gentleness of love. And of course, him. You glorified the colour of white just like you did to Miguel.
Until it turned to the darkest shade of red, haunting you even to this day.
Bang! Bang!
They said, when you almost die, you would see each moment of your life in a matter of seconds. Your days, the good and the bad, everything filled your head at once as you took your last breath. But they never told you what kind of phenomenon happened when someone you loved died in front of your eyes.
“No…”
People never gave any warning about this. “Miguel?” No preparation, nothing. “Mi cielo?”
Just a few seconds ago, you told him to run. A group of people tried to get something from him. Some kind of research, serums that could enhance the immune system and even turn them into superhuman. When the word spread, a lot of sides wanted to get a hold of it. But you never thought they would have tried to get it when he was still at work.
It didn't matter. You had always been able to save everyone before. He just needed to run and go home, you would take care of these goons regardless of their high-tech weapons.
And yet, he just had to get worried about you.
“Cariño,” blood splattered from his mouth, some of it staining your suit. You kept on running with him in your arms, his weight meant nothing with the power you had. “You are alright—”
“But you are not, Miguel.”
You couldn't look down. Not when you had to focus on the road you choose, making sure you reached the hospital as fast as possible. “I-I don't understand what you are thinking.” Not when the sight broke you with how fragile he was at the moment, and you could have cried again underneath your mask.
“Behind you, someone was behind you.”
But who were you lying to? Tears already welled up in your eyes again once he started talking. “Almost shot you.”
“They shot you instead.” It should have been you. “Miguel, I am the superhero. I can—”
“You can die.”
Your breath hitched at that, but you didn't let the thought consume you. “Believe me, even the greatest superhero in the world can die.”
“It was my job, Miguel.” Instead of focusing on the sadness that tried to rip your heart apart, you decised to rely on your rage. “It's my job to protect everyone in this city, my job to protect you—”
“And as your fiancé, it's my job too.”
Your legs faltered, almost stumbled forward as you were reaching your limit. “Cariño, put me down.” But you couldn't give up yet, not when you had a critical mission. “Mi vida,”
“No!” Your voice was muffled by the mask, something that you were thankful for since it wouldn't appear like you were shouting at him. “Just let me take care of you for once, Miguel! We are almost there! The hospital is just around the corner, trust me.”
“I just want to take another look at you,”
“You will once we reach—”
A yelp escaped your lips when you fell down, and by instinct, you made sure he wasn't hurt. He was sprawled out on the concrete road of the dark alleyway, chest heaving as he tried to collect as much oxygen as possible. And only now you realised that he hadn't pressed his hands against the wound in his stomach. “Miguel, mi amor. Please, just a few minutes more…”
“Can I see you now?” His voice sounded so broken, barely above whispers. “Come on, cariño. Let me see your beautiful face.” And as you wanted to keep on going, you realised he wasn’t. “Please?”
Swallowing a huge lump, you cradled him in your arms, letting his hand wander to your neck as he traced the seams that separated your bodysuit and the mask. “There you are,” he knew. He was the one who designed it for you, after all. “Ya sabes que eres preciosa, ¿verdad?”
“Oh, Miguel,” You chuckled softly in between the sobs that were threatening to leave your mouth. “And do you know how much you mean to me, O'Hara?” Something that you kept for later, you had a gut feeling it would be the only thing you did.
“I know,”
“That's why, let's go.”
“You will die out of exhaustion if you continue.”
“You think I care?” You snorted, not wasting another second as you carried him again, still unmasked, letting his fingers wander to your jaw and cheek. “I would rather die saving you than be alive without you.”
That was your way to say how much you loved him. Because you knew the world only mattered because he was in it. He was the one who accompanied you for the last few years, the light who shone in the dark when you felt lost, the white shade that kept you from going under.
He was the only one you had after your parents passed away. The only one who you could imagine your future with.
And you had been alone ever since his hand stopped caressing your cheek.
“Are you even listening?”
“Of course.”
You cursed at yourself for letting that thought distract you again. Five years had passed, yet you could never really escape the memories. Never been able to escape as it would appear in the most impromptu moment.
“Oh, yeah? Then do tell, Miss Best Listener.”
Wincing a bit, your boss might have heard how a lot of spider variants in the headquarters liked to talk to you. All because you always listened to anything they told you. Their super life, a love story (either them gushing or crying their heart out), confusion of what they wanted to achieve — you always paid attention.
But when it was him in front of you, your mind often ran one hundred miles per second, even faster than that night.
“Jess is picking them up right now,” You let out a sigh, trying to rewind time a bit as he explained your task. “And I will be here, I have to make sure Miles doesn't run away, perhaps even smoothing the situation a bit since, well…”
“What?”
“I don't trust you enough when it comes to handling kids.”
“Discúlpame, I am good with kids.”
Your Miguel was — you know that. “But they are not kids. They are spider variants, remember that.” This version though? You had your doubts.
Miguel from your earth was a lover. His appearance might be scary, but he never looked threatening as he radiated kindness. The smile on his face as he bumped into children who ran around the plaza, how he wanted to have a family with you one day — oh, he was the most precious man you ever met.
“For God’s sake.”
A total opposite of this Miguel O'Hara from Earth-928.
“What was that?”
“I understand, boss.”
This version who appeared out of nowhere when you were fighting the anomaly Sandman was brutish. But he was helpful and reliable in battle, often thinking of strategies that were not registered in your mind before. You learned so much from the first encounter. And of course, all of them were unforgettable .
You couldn’t stop yourself from comparing the two Miguel that you knew, which was unfair. That was why, you never tried to get too close. You were one of the trusted spider variants in this headquarters, along with Jess and Peter, but you never stick around for far too long after each mission.
Not when every time you saw his face, you wanted nothing but to gather him in your arms, telling him how much you missed him. All those nights crying on the empty side of the bed, mourning the only person you couldn’t save. And suddenly, he was right in front of you.
“I will leave them to you then.”
But he wasn’t your Miguel, something that you often forgot.
With a nod, you simply left his office, letting him get back to his high platform where he monitored thousands of dimensions. For a moment before you closed the door, you could hear Lyla’s worried tone as she whispered-shout. It wasn’t clear, but you could make out some words, and your name was mentioned.
You shrugged it away, not bothering to stay as you decided to focus on your current task. There was no use getting to know him. It would only make your mind spiral down even more. Seeing another version of your fiancé alive and well would be enough.
“Gwen Stacy,”
The blonde Spider-Woman stopped walking the moment she saw you, along with Hobie and Miles. She went rigid for a second since you never called her by full name, unless she was in trouble. Well, she was after the Spot incident, but everyone already looked down on her for making that mistake, you wouldn’t want to do the same.
“H-Hey, I thought you were out on a mission?”
“Hmph,” This Miles boy scurried closer to her, and you tried to hide your smile as for now. “How dare you—”
“I am sorry, okay? I know it’s my fault for running away from my mission. But,”
“— not introduce me properly to your old friend?”
She blinked, not expecting the other half of your sentence to be so harmless. “Come on, you know me. Sure you have to fix whatever happened at the moment, but you are not alone in this, Gwen.” And with that, it was enough to make her run towards you, arms wrapping tight around your torso. “Hey now,”
“You are the best, really.”
Your eyes softened at the small affection you received. To know that a lot of people trust you, especially these teenagers who were usually a lot more cautious towards others. Oh, you knew your Miguel would be so proud of you, wanting to know about everything that happened in this place. He was a scientist, after all. Crossing another universe would make him faint out of excitement.
A part of you felt this unimaginable pride, and it makes you believe you were ready if someday you started a family. Then again, that dream of yours was already crushed like a crumpled piece of paper.
It vanished at the same time he took his last breath.
“So, Miles Morales, right? Gwen told me so much about you—”
〄
“You are worried about her.”
Miguel rolled his eyes at the accusation . Lyla wouldn’t be Lyla if she didn’t try to get her nose in other’s business. “What? I know you. You are the one who programmed me, after all. Come on, just tell me outright~ Your secret will be safe with me. It’s not that I would tell anyone about this little vulnerable session.”
“I am not vulnerable, Lyla.”
It had been months ever since he recruited you, months passed by ever since he felt so drawn by your existence. He couldn’t explain what it was about.
After destroying a whole universe, he decided to detach himself from anyone. And he was successful in doing it. All the spider variants in this society never get too close, just like what he wanted. Until he found you in that Earth of yours, skillfully luring the Sandman closer to the ocean.
He had a feeling you wouldn’t need his help. But since he was Spider-Man 2099, the one who wouldn’t stop until all the anomalies were taken care off — he jumped to the scene after a minute passed.
Maybe it was the way how fine you two were in a battle, how each movement could synchronise without anyone needing to talk. You and he could beat villains in a matter of seconds, not letting any civilians get hurt in the process, switching roles now and then.
Or maybe, it was simply the way you looked at him.
He swallowed a huge lump. Miguel could feel his ears turn red, and he hoped Lyla didn’t notice it. It was always like this every time he remembered that day or anytime your eyes fixated on his face when he didn’t wear a mask.
There was tenderness, care, warmth — and in between, he swore there was a semblance of longing.
As someone who could see everything in any universe, he never manipulated it to satisfy his curiosity. He often wondered what kind of life you had, and how you were when you interacted with the people from your Earth. But he cast that thought aside, not wanting to prod on your privacy and break your trust.
“You know she will side with those teenagers, right?” His brows twitched at the mention of those — liabilities. “According to the simulation, at least.”
“Yes, I do know that.”
“Then why did you let her take care of them in the first place?”
Why indeed. It was just an instinct. He knew he might clash with Miles’ point of view, knowing that kid would try to do anything to save everyone. And maybe, it would be better if you were on their side to support them.
For so long, he believed there was no way to change a canon event. If Spider-Man saved too many cops, saved too many lovers who were supposed to die, the whole universe would shatter. But with the way he sent you to these kids, maybe he was slowly getting tired of letting destiny control his life.
He wanted someone to prove him wrong, and Miles might be the one who could do it.
Yet at the same time, he was afraid his theory about each connection was right. Afraid that if he relented, all of the universes would crumble. And it would be his fault, letting a kid who knew nothing try to defy fate. That was why a battle must occur in the near future.
“They need her more than I do.”
Lyla raised her eyebrows at the answer. She knew Miguel and cared for him even though an AI probably shouldn’t have feelings. But he was her creator, if it wasn’t because of him, she wouldn’t be here, enjoying each chance of roasting the hell out of him. And now, she was so close to doing it.
Yet, she kept her lips shut when she saw the melancholy in those crimson eyes. The same one he had whenever he watched the memories he shared with his daughter.
“You should tell her, Miguel.”
“I don't know what you are talking about.”
“You have grown to like her—”
“Boss? They are here.”
When your voice rang through his office, he gave Lyla a look, silently telling her to not talk about it ever again. The AI could only shake her head before disappearing, tired of how Miguel always pushed aside any kind of contentment, as if he didn't deserve even an ounce of it in his life anymore. Not after what he had done.
That was exactly the reason why, though. He couldn't even save a universe from collapsing, not being able to take the daughter she was fond of into safety. Therefore, he closed himself off — creating this version of himself who was surrounded by walls, so high no one could get in, even by force.
Perhaps in the future, he would crumble it for someone. When he was done with his job, done saving another universe, he would feel worthy enough to be bestowed with happiness.
But it wouldn't be now, not today. Even though he wanted it so bad once his gaze found yours.