Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You’re being reassigned,” Gotoh says in the cold, detached tone that always promises bad news.

Canary doesn’t say anything in response. She expected some kind of punishment, after begging Killua’s friends to save him. A single shot from Kikyo was never going to be the end of it. 

And with Killua gone, Canary is sure more than a few members of the family are looking for someone to take their anger out on.

Canary has worked at the Zoldyck family’s manor for years now. She doesn’t miss living in Meteor City, and she won’t go back to it — being a butler to the Zoldycks means power, independence and respect. Just as long as you don’t step out of line.

Canary knows how this works.

So she doesn’t complain, doesn’t even ask questions. Not when Tsubone is the one to guide her, silent and powerful as ever. Not when she’s led directly into the Zoldyck family estate, into the manor that trainee butlers are usually only allowed to enter with an invitation. Not when they meet with another butler, one Canary doesn’t recognize, who hands Canary a tray of food with hands shaking so badly the silverware rattles. Not when they climb up the stairs, and not when Tsubone leads Canary down so many stairs that it becomes disorienting. 

Then they reach a pair of thick steel doors, in front of which stands Silva Zoldyck himself. Knowing better than to make eye contact (people have been killed for that), Canary bows her head. Silva simply turns and unlocks the door with a combination, revealing an identical door. Canary follows the head of the household, not close enough to be disrespectful, but not so far as to lag and slow anyone down.

Silva doesn’t turn to look at her once as he speaks. 

“You’ll be responsible for Alluka from now on. You’ll bring him meals and keep him company whenever he requests it.”

Canary’s feedback is unnecessary, so she says nothing. But she knows what this means. Although she’s never seen the second youngest Zoldyck, she’s heard what happened to every caretaker Alluka has had previously — bodies irreparably mangled, heads crushed or organs splayed across the floor; a bloodier death than any an assassin should grant. Canary knows nothing else of the Zoldyck family’s fourth child, but she understands her own position right now very well.

This new assignment is meant to be a death sentence. 

“If he makes demands of you, grant them when possible. If it’s beyond your power, leave immediately. We’ll have someone monitoring the cameras at all times.”

Canary doesn’t dream for a second that whoever is watching her is meant to help her if she’s about to be hurt. More likely, it’s an immediate obstacle in case she’s foolish enough to try to flee. 

When the steel doors open, Canary isn’t sure what to expect. But it’s not this pastel-colored playroom, covered in wallpaper with blue skies and clouds and sun that’s rotting at the tips. 

She enters nonetheless, and hears the doors resoundingly slam shut behind her.

Canary looks around, confused as to where any child of the Zoldyck family would belong in a room with a pink canopy bed and a pile of stuffed animals a mile high–

She sees a small girl — flesh and blood instead of cotton and thread — sandwiched among the toys. This must be Alluka; there’s no way that unsettling aura could come from anyone but a Zoldyck. 

(Why Silva referred to Alluka as male, Canary can only guess, but she knows the Zoldycks are not exactly kind — even, or perhaps especially, not to their children.)

Alluka stares at Canary like she’s seeing something a thousand miles away. 

Then Alluka blinks, and those unsettlingly dark eyes are the same sky-blue as Killua’s.

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you. It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone else to play with! Who are you?”

Canary swallows. She knows what happened to Alluka’s past playmates. 

“My name is Canary. I’ll be looking after you from now on.” 

Canary has her head bowed, but she is still alert enough to perceive the one other person in the room moving. Canary barely has enough time to set aside the tray she’s holding before Alluka throws her arms around Canary in a massive bear hug.

“Canary? Like the songbird? That’s such a pretty name! You wear it well.”

Alluka says all of this without parting from the hug, meaning she’s more or less yelling into Canary’s ear. Canary, unsure what else to do, finally wraps her arms around Alluka in kind.

They stay like this, Alluka humming an odd tune in a happy way while Canary stews in her discomfort, for a long while. Alluka seems entirely unaware of the passage of time even as ten, twenty minutes tick by, sinking comfortably into the embrace.  

Kukuroo Mountain is home to many strange things, but this is the oddest experience Canary has ever had. 

Canary is starting to lose feeling in her arms when Alluka suddenly springs back out of the hug and tucks her hands behind her back. 

“Thank you!” chirps Alluka.

What she’s being thanked for, Canary isn’t sure.

“It’s no trouble,” Canary responds, slightly dazed. 

Alluka fusses over odd things, Canary realizes immediately. 

“But what about you?” Alluka demands, her arms crossed and cheeks puffed in anger. 

“I can always just eat later, and I’m not hungry at the moment,” Canary says, trying not to sigh.  

She had no idea what to expect from Alluka Zoldyck, but she didn’t anticipate the first conflict to be that Alluka would refuse to eat. 

Or, unless Canary is mistaken, Alluka won’t eat unless they share the meal? It makes no sense. 

“Hmmm…well, I’d be a bad host if I ate and my guest didn’t, so I guess if you won’t share right now, I should just eat later too.”

Canary’s brow creases slightly. She knows that technically, she’d be conceding if she lets Alluka put off finishing a midday meal. But the invitation to share cannot be anything but a trap — no Zoldyck acts without thought or intention, and Alluka is considered the worst of them. Besides that, this is a breach of etiquette — working for the Zoldycks means you have only as much control as they allow you, and Canary is a mere apprentice. Certainly not anything indispensable enough to be treated well. She’s learned to live with that. 

Also, what’s this about Canary being a guest? She’s supposed to be Alluka’s keeper, her jailor. 

Does Alluka not realize? Or does she just not care, after starving for company for so long?

Canary pushes the thought away. So far, she hasn’t been hurt for pushing against Alluka’s wishes. But Canary is responsible for this girl. So.… 

Just a bite should be okay.

With the meal over, Alluka runs to one of the shelves and pulls out a beautiful chess set — a board painted by hand with little flowers and vines of varying colors and species on the alternating red and black squares. The pieces, though lacking the floral detailing, are intricately crafted, with little faces and solemn expressions carved onto each soldier.

Canary wonders if the luxurious chess set has actually seen a game. Could Alluka have used this with the last butler instructed to care for her, only to splatter their blood against the wood in a tantrum when she lost?

Canary easily decides to throw the match. 

Still, better not to let Alluka catch on right away. Canary plays conservatively, strictly acting defensively. She’s played chess with Gotoh and the other butlers plenty of times, and considers herself pretty good. Surely, she can lose without making it obvious she did so deliberately. 

Alluka, however, proves a more difficult adversary than anticipated. Her style of play is erratic, difficult to anticipate and counter, but not in the way of an amateur. It simply works too well. 

Canary starts moving more aggressively, taking pieces Alluka will actually feel the loss of. The small girl relies heavily on the rooks and bishops and queen, and Canary is so wrapped up in not letting Alluka make a big charge that she almost misses it when Alluka’s pawn snags a promotion.

Alluka is now playing with two queens and enough pieces left that she can still defend her king while attacking brutally. Canary is losing with no real recourse. Rather than drag the game out, she allows Alluka a shorter path. Canary doesn’t bother making desperate defensive gambles — she’s lost as she meant to, and would rather lose with dignity. Hopefully, Alluka at least had fun–

But when Canary’s king falls, Alluka is glaring intently, not looking at all pleased by her victory. 

“You let me win,” the small girl says in an accusatory manner. 

To deny or admit it? Canary definitely underestimated her opponent, since Alluka noticed the thrown match at all, but to admit that might be suicide. However, if Alluka is angry at the insult of being underestimated, then playing seriously in another match might appease her.

“I did. I thought you’d want to win. I’m very sorry. We can play again if you like.”

Alluka no longer looks angry, now wrinkling her brow in a more childish manner. 

“Well of course I want to win, but if you’re not trying, then how can it be a victory? It would’ve been more interesting to play against myself.” Alluka says this plainly — not a condemnation of Canary’s skill, not even spiteful, just a fact in her eyes.

Alluka said it with a striking confidence that Canary found surprising. And considering Alluka’s skill in chess is well above what someone who simply learned the rules and scarcely played should be capable of.…

Did Alluka practice against herself all these years? Turn competitive games meant for two into her own personal challenges?

“You could have tried to stop me at the end, too.”

Canary forcibly relaxes her shoulders. 

“Yes, but it would have been pointless. You had the game in hand by the time you got a promotion, and anything I did would have just been delaying the inevitable.”

Alluka puffs up her cheeks in a pout. 

“You never know until you try,” she mutters sullenly but without any bite behind it. 

“True enough. I’d rather lose with dignity though. If I lose our next match, I’ll simply resign when I feel I’ve no substantial options left.”

Canary then feels a cold shock as she realizes she assumed Alluka would want to play another match. It’s dangerous to be presumptuous. 

“You’ll play again? Great! No holding back this time, okay?” Alluka smirks and points at Canary across the board, but for some reason it utterly fails to intimidate.

“Of course not,” Canary replies calmly. 

And when Canary loses again after a much longer run, Alluka now reaches over the board and extends a hand.

“Good game!”

Alluka’s hand is completely free of the calluses and small scars the rest of those in the Zoldyck estate sport. Her grip, however, is exceptionally strong despite her smooth skin.

Alluka asks Canary if they can draw together.

Canary has never really thought about it before, but suddenly she’s self-conscious about her total lack of artistic ability. Or rather, she’s never really drawn before, so she’s presumably very bad at it. But maybe she’ll be lucky and have some kind of exceptional talent.

Or maybe not. She can tell her own drawing, done in simple pencil, looks childish and messy, but she’s also not really sure what she can do to make it better. The lines are too harsh, too angular, but any attempts to erase them and create a softer look still leave a shadow on the paper. Canary must’ve pressed the pencil too hard.

A self portrait was a bad idea anyway. Canary decides to ignore her own piece altogether, as the eyes of the picture now seem to be following her. 

Curious, she turns her head to see what Alluka has created. She expects some kind of childish character — cartoon animals, or perhaps an imaginary friend, or maybe a flower. Instead, Alluka has taken some pastels and painted a wonderland. 

In the time Canary spent antagonizing over one bad pencil sketch, Alluka has created two inked and colored pictures, and is now working on a third. Her hands are stained in more colors than any of the pencils, markers, or crayons in the room seem to contain put together. Alluka’s eyes are almost glazed over, but her hands move quickly, with a clear sense of purpose.

Alluka draws fantastical scenes with vivid detail — mushrooms the size of trees, rivers of bright green and grass of blue, purple trees with white crystal leaves. Still in Alluka’s hands is a third drawing with black and white outlines of hollow trees. Now, Alluka is filling in sections of the bark with colors — a flash of red here, a touch of violet there — as a way to make it pop. Shadows lurk behind the monochrome trees, with unfeeling eyes and eerie smiles. Everything about the picture should be horribly disturbing, and yet Canary can’t imagine looking away. 

If Alluka weren’t locked in this room, she could be a phenomenal artist. Not yet eleven, and she already draws like a professional — surely in a few years, she would be even more talented. And the things she draws, disturbed yet beautiful, feel like the style art connoisseurs would adore. 

Canary has never really thought about this before. She’s never given weight to careers outside the one she has in the Zoldyck family — why bother to dream of something you can never have? Especially since Canary is satisfied where she is.

But Alluka…she has a gift, truly. 

Or maybe it’s not talent, Canary realizes. Maybe Alluka just never had anything else, anything better, to entertain herself with. Canary has heard the term “genius of hard work” used to describe world famous athletes in magazines, and it seems an apt way to describe Alluka’s gifts as well.

Alluka had no teachers, no advice, no constructive critique. But she has given time and effort to everything she does, because that is all she can do here. 

“You’re an incredible artist,” Canary breathes. 

Alluka, who has been seemingly lost in her own world, straightens up from the table and stares sharply at Canary.

“What?”

Canary worries for a moment that she’s caused offense. Still, she can’t see any harm in paying a compliment. 

“Your drawings are beautiful. I don’t know how else to say it. How do you even come up with these things?”

Alluka scratches at her neck and stares at the ceiling for a long time. 

“I don’t know. It’s kind of…already in my head, I guess? I just let my hands move freely.”

Canary considers briefly that Alluka is bragging, but there’s no hint of deceit in the girl’s eyes. Alluka, with her entire world consisting of four walls and peeling pastel paper, has dreamed up another universe within her head.

“I think I’m a little jealous.” Canary says without realizing. Then she claps a hand over her mouth, mortified by her own behavior.

“Really?” Alluka asks, staring at Canary in a way that feels like she’s not seeing anything.

“Yes. You have a gift. I most certainly do not, however.” Canary holds up her self portrait.

“That looks nice!” Alluka says with a smile that must be forced. 

Then: “What is it?”

“It was meant to be a self portrait.”

“Oh, I see!” Alluka smiles more sincerely now. “That must be your hair, then!”

“That part was supposed to be my ear.”

Alluka purses her lips. “Right.”

Canary buries her head in her hands. 

“May I be excused from drawing in the future?” 

She doesn’t think she can take this mortification a second time. She’s usually fine with being bad at things she hasn’t practiced, but this is a whole new level. 

“You–are you asking me for permission?” 

Canary looks up to find Alluka staring inquisitively. 

“Yes, I am.” 

Canary wonders if no other butler assigned to Alluka ever bothered disobeying her or making their opinion known — or if perhaps it’s the opposite. Perhaps that Alluka is used to being ignored, and finds having any kind of power to be a luxury. 

Canary knows that’s an insane thought. Alluka is supposedly the most dangerous member of the Zoldyck family. But Canary has never once sensed even a hint of malice, never mind the power to do anything about it. Alluka clearly doesn’t even know Nen, which makes Canary wonder what exactly has made the girl worthy of being called a threat.

Canary wonders what exactly happens when Alluka makes demands — and what separates them from the everyday requests she’s made so frequently. It’s been weeks now, and Canary has yet to sense any kind of danger from Alluka. But Canary can’t silence the voice in her head that whispers not to trust Alluka, that the Sword of Damocles will fall.

It’s just a matter of when. 

“Will you play dress up with me?” Alluka asks Canary, eyes wide. 

Canary nods. As far as requests Alluka could make, asking for affirmation while she tries on dresses isn’t so bad. In fact, Alluka does look quite lovely when she emerges from her walk-in closet, now wearing a lacy pink dress with puffy sleeves. 

“You look beautiful,” Canary says sincerely. 

Alluka giggles and grins and twirls and acts every bit the part of a normal eleven-year-old girl, as though she’s dressed up for a school dance or a fancy party rather than for her own amusement. 

“Thank you! I love this dress, it makes me feel like a princess. But it’s your turn now! Which one do you wanna try?”

Canary’s eyes go wide. She didn’t think playing dress up would mean she was borrowing Alluka’s clothes, and frankly the idea makes her uncomfortable. 

“I don’t think…” Canary can’t find the words. She doesn’t want to tell Alluka something so personal, but. Well. 

Canary has never put much stock into her appearance. Other than awareness that she’s got darker skin than nearly anyone else in the Zoldyck estate, she doesn’t really think about her looks at all. She loves wearing her uniform as a butler — that feeling from the first time she wore it never quite faded. It felt neat and sharp and powerful, like Canary had become someone. 

She feels odd thinking about trying on the kind of lacy dresses Alluka’s closet is filled with. The only other person Canary has seen dressed like that is Kikyo Zoldyck — and frankly, Canary never wants to be like her. She doesn’t want to be that kind of vain, vapid person, constantly wearing suffocating dresses and high heels as an imitation of class and stature. 

But Canary doesn’t want to say any of that to Alluka. 

“Are you sure it’s all right for me to borrow your clothes? I’m a bit taller, so your dresses might get stretched out.”

“That’s fine, it’s fine!” 

Canary hadn’t really expected that excuse to faze Alluka, and it doesn’t.

“I don’t mind if a few dresses don’t fit me anymore,” Alluka continues. “I have plenty. Besides, it’s not like anyone else will ever see me wear them…”

Alluka spoke easily, but now she seems upset by her own words, or perhaps just the admission behind them. Canary also pities the girl, who’s so full of love for the world around her, and yet has her world limited to a few walls with peeling paper.

“But that’s not the point!” Alluka says, shaking her head as though to physically dislodge any unpleasant thoughts in her mind. “The point is that everyone deserves to feel pretty at least once, and I feel pretty when I wear cute dresses. And I want you to try that at least once.”

Canary steps into the closet. Alluka, looking excited, bounces in on her heels.

It takes a while to find something that feels right. Canary isn’t exactly sure what she’s looking for to begin with, and can’t muster Alluka’s enthusiasm. Still, if it means so much, it’s worth trying. 

Finally, Canary finds a dress that speaks to her, as Alluka has been urging: a soft yellow gown, with thin straps and a subtle floral pattern that wraps around the bodice and extends down onto the dress’ long skirt. 

It still feels odd. But the dress is less ostentatious or childish than many that Alluka has collected. It has a simple elegance to it. Alluka seems excited by the discovery as well, insisting that Canary try the dress on at once and running out of the closet so Canary can change. 

Canary looks in the full length mirror and feels…pretty. But more than that, it’s the first time Canary has really looked positively at her appearance. Looks had been irrelevant for a butler, except for the fact that Canary’s youth made her look vulnerable, made her an easily underestimated opponent.

Now, Canary can see positive features in herself. A nice complexion, bright eyes, full lips.

Maybe Alluka was on to something about wanting to look pretty. Canary still feels more comfortable with her uniform, but she doesn’t dislike her current appearance by any means.

“You look beautiful,” says Alluka, and Canary can tell she means it.

“Thank you. You look lovely as well.” 

Privately, Canary thinks the overabundance of pastel colors means many of Alluka’s dresses look like a box of macarons, but she won’t say that. They’re both living in the moment right now, and enjoying it.

“You should keep the dress. It looks amazing on you.”

Canary tried to protest, insisting she couldn’t take Alluka’s clothes, only for Alluka to push right back. 

“You’re not taking them, I’m giving, and it’s rude to refuse a present!”

And so, Canary instead stands and waits and is showered with praise by a little girl who Canary knows has a body count. 

Alluka is…exceptionally confusing. Canary regularly forgets to be worried at this point — it’s been only a few weeks, and already Alluka’s innocent demeanor is extremely convincing. The rest of the Zoldycks are usually open with their antagonism or anger, while Alluka has been nothing but kind. 

Canary never sees any kind of malice from Alluka. She hasn’t even seen a hint of that creepy thousand-yard stare from when she first arrived. At this point, it’s hard to remember that she should be afraid of Alluka at all.

“Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree,

Merry merry king of the bush is he.

Laugh, Kookaburra, laugh, Kookaburra,

Gay your life must be!”

Alluka sings, during quiet moments. With no warning and for no reason. 

“Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree,

Eating all the gumdrops he can see.

Stop Kookaburra, stop Kookaburra

Save some there for me!”

Alluka is somewhat off key and her voice sometimes cracks, but the tone is bright.

“Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree,

Counting all the monkeys he can see.

Stop Kookaburra, Kookaburra stop.

That's not a monkey, that's me!”

Alluka’s singing is endearing and cheerful and lovely in a way Canary can’t quite explain — perhaps it’s the same sort of charm any kid’s singing would have, but it feels special. Canary wonders if anyone but her will ever hear Alluka’s voice.

Canary is engaged in a rather pathetic game of charades with Alluka when the speaker in the room crackles to life. The voice is one Canary does not recognize, and presumably neither does Alluka.

“Canary, please exit Alluka’s room.”

Canary and Alluka both stiffen at that. This hasn’t happened before, at least not that Canary’s been here — Alluka looks equally confused. They’ve been more or less left to their own devices all this time, so this is disconcerting. 

What could’ve brought this on? The closest thing Canary can think of is when Alluka asked for them to try baking, and even then the oddest thing was that Canary left Alluka alone in the middle of the day. Was a few minutes of absence, even at Alluka’s request, considered neglect of her duties? If so, this might be tricky.

Still, Canary rises, preparing to leave. Before she can take a step, though, Alluka’s hands clench tightly around hers.

“Promise you’ll come back.”

“I promise,” Canary lies, knowing full well it’s out of her control.

After exiting the innermost door of Alluka’s room is met by Tsubone. Canary vaguely knows the woman, but still bows slightly as a show of proper deference to a senior. 

Tsubone is silent, which normally would suit Canary just fine, except that she’s gotten used to the constant chatter that Alluka generates. Besides that, the entire situation is deeply uncomfortable. Canary was summoned without explanation (not actually uncommon for butlers, but she’s become less used to it), and now she’s being led to the upper floors of the Zoldyck family home. She’s never been here before — never been assigned to an important or trusted enough role to be allowed in areas where the actual members of the Zoldyck family live.

But now, Canary is led straight into the office of Silva Zoldyck.

Behind him is what Canary instinctively wants to call a monster , a beast with pale hair and far too many fangs and claws for comfort. But from the aura the man exudes, Canary can tell that Silva Zoldyck is the greater threat in the room. 

Canary bows deeply, not daring to make eye contact nor say a word. 

“How is Alluka?” Silva Zoldyck asks without preamble. “Has he been making requests?”

Canary resists the urge to correct the wrong pronoun. She promised Alluka she’d come back, and Canary most definitely can’t do that if she gets her throat slit for talking back to the Zoldyck family patriarch. 

“Alluka regularly requests that I join her in varying activities, such as games or drawing, and most recently baking. As of now, Alluka has not asked to be let outside her room or for anything exceptionally strange.”

Silva Zoldyck has no audible reaction to Canary’s words, which is only more nerve-wracking. 

“If he does ask for anything strange, it’s your responsibility to fulfill it. Do not refuse him. It won’t end well for any of us, much less you, if Alluka is angered.” 

So, basically, keep doing what she’s been doing — taking care of Alluka and spending time with her. Canary remembers when she was first given these orders. She’d been scared senseless by the idea of what Alluka might do, having believed every awful thing she’d heard about the girl. She’d thought Alluka was the type of person to kill on a whim, selfish and greedy and dangerous. 

Now, Canary doubts if she’s been given the full picture. How could Alluka, unable to perform even the most basic functions of Nen, have killed trained butlers? It seems more likely that Alluka was a scapegoat for someone else’s behavior. But if that was the case, what happened to merit a falsely blamed child being completely isolated? And how did those butlers die, if it wasn’t at Alluka’s hand? Why does Silva Zoldyck seem to be afraid of a harmless child?

Canary knows the man in front of her is dangerous. She’s no longer sure the same can be said of Alluka.

“Of course, sir.” 

Honestly, at this point Canary is more scared of what Silva might do to Alluka than what Alluka might do to Canary. 

Canary is woken up one night by the sound of Alluka crying. Alluka is still in bed, stuffed animals piled around and on top of her, but while her eyes are scrunched shut they’re also wet with tears.

“Please no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, come back–”

Canary has to climb partly onto the bed to shake the small girl’s shoulder. 

“Alluka! Alluka, I’m here. What’s wrong?”

“Canary?” Alluka opens her eyes, and they focus after a few seconds — faster than any normal person adjusts to the dark, but still slow for a Zoldyck. 

“Yes, it’s me, Alluka. Are you okay?”

“What? I…yes. Just a nightmare. I’m okay. But…why are you here?”

Canary feels as confused as Alluka looks. 

“You were crying in your sleep. I was worried.”

“Really? But…no one else ever woke me up when I had a nightmare. I thought that was normal.”

Canary feels a sudden, irrational spike of hate for Alluka’s previous caretakers. She’s been piecing it together, since she met Alluka — that Silva Zoldyck referred to the girl as his son, that Alluka is supposedly a danger despite clearly not knowing how to use Nen, that it’s only butlers and never family members who enter this room, and that Alluka, despite how all the rumors painted her, has never been anything but a painfully kind and genuine person. 

Alluka is too kind, too soft to be an assassin. But she’s never had anyone actually take care of her, has she?

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now.”

Alluka lets out another little sniffle. Then she throws herself at Canary — who, expecting the hug by now, already has her arms open. 

“Thank you,” Alluka whispers.

They stay like this for a while in the dark. Once Alluka’s breathing has evened out, Canary speaks up again. 

“Do you want to go back to sleep now?”

“Nuh-uh. I…I don’t want to be alone right now. Can you stay up with me? Please?” 

It’s an easy request to grant. They move towards Alluka’s pile of stuffed animals and wrap up in the soft fleece blankets, and Canary presses a glass of water into Alluka’s hands. It’s late, but she’s been crying, and Canary is fairly sure from the odd little swallows Alluka is making that she has the hiccups.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?”

Alluka drains the glass of water without a word. She sets it aside, then begins to pick at the sleeve of her pink pajamas and says nothing for a good while. Just when Canary is sure she’s being ignored, Alluka speaks.

“It started with Mitsuba. And then Big Brother. And then…you.”

Canary startles. Mitsuba is a name she’s never heard. This is the first time Alluka has mentioned another member of the family, but Canary can guess by process of elimination that “Big Brother” likely refers to Illumi. But what did Canary do to feature in Alluka’s nightmares?

“Did I…hurt you?” 

In your dream, Canary means to add, but the words catch in her throat. 

“No. Just…I’m sick of it. I’m sick of caring and trusting people only for them to leave. I got scared that you would leave too. And then in the dream…” 

Oh.

Canary thinks she understands a little better now. “Big Brother” didn’t mean Illumi, it meant Killua . She never witnessed it nor heard a word about Alluka from the latter, but considering they’re the siblings closest in age, it would make sense if they once had a good relationship. But then Killua left for Heaven’s Arena, and Alluka was locked away in here for years. She must’ve felt like she’d been abandoned, and perhaps she was, in a sense. Canary has nothing but respect for Killua, but she can’t help but wonder why he gave up on his sister so easily. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Alluka.”

Alluka turns to look at Canary, her eyes wide and sparkling. “You promise?”

“I promise.” 

Apparently, the novelty of Canary’s presence has officially worn off for Alluka, because Alluka no longer asks to play games or makes an effort to do things together. Instead, they sit side by side and read silently.

Well, “silent” in spirit, if not the given definition of the word. 

“Oh she did not!” 

“Devin, you traitor!”

“Get his ass!”

“Please don’t die, please don’t die, please don’t die–”

Alluka commentates on everything she reads, and whether it’s deliberate or not, she does so loudly . She also reads random passages that amuse her aloud, over and over in some cases, where they apparently take a while to stop amusing her. Canary, while reading some of the more advanced books that Alluka has in here, has gained passive knowledge of the many fictional romances and adventures that Alluka relishes.

“To be clear, I don’t mind it, but do you realize you tend to speak aloud when you read?”

“Oh, of course! I get sick of being in silence, so I read aloud sometimes. Not the whole book; that gets boring and makes my throat hurt. But it’s fun.”

And Canary is once again reminded that Alluka is a prisoner here, and that she knows it very well.

It can be easy to forget — Alluka’s room is comfortable and brightly lit, to the point where the lack of windows and steel door can almost be glossed over. Alluka herself maintains an almost constantly cheery disposition, and eagerly befriended Canary despite knowing any companion was meant to double as her jailer. 

Canary still wonders about that. She’s found herself genuinely enjoying Alluka’s company, and at this point, professionalism is so far from ever being on her mind. Were it not for the fact only Canary can leave this room, she might have forgotten about Silva Zoldyck’s cryptic orders altogether. 

Did Alluka befriend Canary because they had a real connection? Or was it just that Alluka was desperate for company and would have latched on to anyone who showed her genuine compassion? 

Canary thinks the latter is much more likely. She’s got no delusions about her own awkwardness, nor the fact she did a poor job concealing her apprehension when she and Alluka first met. 

“What exactly did you do to pass the time before I was here?” Canary asks.

Alluka gives a sad little smile at that, and it makes Canary feel like she’s being pitied, oddly enough.

“Let’s see…when I was really little, I tried to keep up with my training. I didn’t think this would be forever, so I thought I’d need to know.” 

Canary startles a little. 

She didn’t know Alluka had ever received training as an assassin — frankly, the mere idea of Alluka being a killer for hire goes against everything Canary knows about the girl.

“I cared less and less as I got older, though. I finally quit trying when I turned ten. Besides that…” 

Alluka flops back against the carpeted floor, her head landing on a stuffed bear. 

“I have my toys, obviously. I play pretend with them, have tea parties or adventures or go to school. Oh! And I study. I have a lot of books. I read a lot of novels — mostly romance or adventure series stuff, but I try to read one of the classics every so often. And some textbooks. I don’t understand a lot of the stuff about math and science, but I try.”

Canary feels her respect for Alluka grow. The one thing that sets Alluka apart from everyone else in the Zoldyck estate is that she seems so passive, so stagnant. Alluka is at least ten years old, but often acts like she’s still five. But it’s not fair to hold that against her — Alluka had no way to grow once she was sealed in here. And despite that, she’s tried to improve herself anyway. 

“Um…” Alluka continues, her voice now quiet. “I draw, you know that already. I play games. Um…sometimes I like to make up stories about people. It’s not like there’s much else to do. Even when there’s someone here, they never tell me anything personal. So I kinda try to fill in the gaps about what I don’t know. Or I just make things up from scratch and try to use the names or ideas I already have. Or I borrow things from other books. Does that count? I’m not sure it does. Well, anyway…yeah. I like to tell myself stories.”

“Well, what kind of story would you make up about me?” Canary asks before she can second guess herself. Alluka bolts up from her slouched position, eyes shining. 

“Really? You wanna hear it?” 

“I do,” Canary says sincerely. 

“Okay. Hmmm…you grew up with a lot of siblings — most of them were younger than you, but a few older. You really love cats, but you’ve never actually had one, so you pet every stray you see. You love to read mystery novels, but you don’t do it in order. You read until the mystery starts and all the characters are there, then you guess what really happened, and then skip to the end to see. Then you flip back to enjoy the story now that you know how it ends.”

Canary grins. None of this is remotely accurate—at least that she knows of, for some of it—but it is entertaining.

“You left home when you were really young, because you wanted to make something of yourself. You’re always looking for a chance to prove yourself, but at the same time, you’re really scared of failure. You’re the kind of person who is happy to go with the flow and sometimes just enjoys the journey, but you’re not sure what you want for yourself.” 

Canary swallows. 

“That was…very interesting.”

“Was I right?” Alluka has a smile on her face, but the look is somewhat solemn.

“Not particularly, I’m afraid. I don’t have any siblings, to my knowledge — I don’t really have a blood family at all.”

“Would you want to know them? If they’re still around?” 

“No.” Canary says, more harshly than she probably should. But she’s thought about this, and her mind is long made up. “For whatever reason, they cast me aside. I’m not interested in excuses. I could have easily died when I was on my own, so they deserve no credit for my survival or the person I’ve become. I don’t owe them anything, least of all myself.” 

Alluka goes very quiet. Canary regrets her rage — she didn’t mean to upset her charge. Especially since family is no doubt a sore subject. 

“That’s really brave.” 

It’s said so quietly that Canary almost misses it. 

“What?”

“That you don’t need them. That you’re able to stand on your own. You don’t need anyone else’s approval. That’s brave. Braver than me. Even though I know they hate me, I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting my family to love me.”

Canary’s heart breaks at that, just a little. 

“Do you know, I used to beg to be let out? I’d promise I’d be good, even when I didn’t really understand what I’d done wrong to begin with. I was so sure that if I was just kind and nice and patient, that it’d get better.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in ages.”

“Can we have a sleepover?” 

Canary wonders what exactly a sleepover would entail; save that Canary would be spending the night beside Alluka instead of retiring to her own adjacent quarters, a night in playing games is their routine. 

“I’m not opposed to the idea, but what exactly do you do at a sleepover?” 

Canary didn’t exactly grow up with many friends her age, and she knows Alluka had even fewer avenues to socialize. 

“I’ve seen this in movies! We play games, and give each other makeovers, and play truth or dare, and watch rom-coms, and then stay up late talking about super secret stuff!”

So, not very different from their usual daily and nightly routines. Still, Alluka is too excited for Canary to refuse. 

After a bit of cheering, Alluka gets right down to business. They watch a movie and eat popcorn, and despite the objectively terrible writing Canary enjoys the film. After that, Alluka changes into pajamas and boots up a game system that seems to have sat untouched for a long time now. 

“I got bored of doing everything on single player,” she explains, sliding in the disk for Mario Kart.

Canary has become comfortable with being Alluka’s playmate — the former perhaps a bit too competitive, and the latter always glad for a challenge. So, Canary resolves to give it her all in the game. She chooses Toad as her avatar, Alluka picks Shy Guy, and then they’re off to the races.

Ten minutes later, Canary has under her belt four collisions with the AI players, six banana peels slipped on, a twelfth place showing and too many crashes off the track to count.

“How-how are you so bad at this?” Alluka giggles, almost hysterically. “I-I’m not trying to be mean, I’m sorry, I just—” she devolves into laughter at this point, with any words choked out in the middle entirely unintelligible.

Alluka came in third, as if just to add salt to the wound.

Of course, it’s just a video game, failure carries no consequences, and Canary is mature enough to take a loss with grace. 

But still.

“How did I lose that badly? I thought I was doing well with the turns, but I kept going off the road…”

“Well, did you drift?” snorts Alluka, now coming up for air and apparently done laughing.

“Drift?”

“Yeah it’s—it helps you with turns, you just have to hit this button here as you steer. We can do another race, try it then. And uh…maybe this time we should do an easier track.”

Canary didn’t think Rainbow Road would be difficult in the first place, considering the name — and perhaps it isn’t, and Alluka is simply lying to spare her feelings. But the idea of trying again is comforting.

“Good idea. Can I change my avatar and cart first, though? I think I made this too difficult for myself, and I worry Toad might be too traumatized to drive again.”

Alluka lets out another peal of laughter at that, but there’s no malice behind her giggles. She’s simply enjoying herself. 

“Yeah, okay. Do you wanna try Shy Guy? He’s my favorite, so maybe he’ll bring you good luck.” 

Canary smiles. She was kind of surprised that Alluka chose the hooded avatar to begin — she thought Alluka would prefer Peach or Daisy or one of the other girlier characters. But Canary takes Shy Guy and Alluka instead defaults to Bowser, perching him on a comically small scooter. 

“Round two!”

Canary tries drifting, and manages to get the hang of it. She’s still abysmal compared to Alluka, who easily clinches a win this time, but manages to come in a less-embarrassing tenth place.

“I think you were right about Shy Guy being lucky. That was much more fun.”

“I’m glad! Wanna keep him for the last race?”

“If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t.”

They end up playing for several hours — Canary understands now why people say video games are addictive. It’s also nice to be able to see her own improvement at something so clearly. Canary never manages a first place finish, but she starts regularly making it into the top five, then three. She also manages to hit Alluka with a green shell, which elicits a shriek as it forces Alluka into sixth. For the first time, Canary has beaten her friend in a race.

“You traitor! How could you? Et tu, Brute? ” Alluka says this in a light tone, with absolutely no anger behind it. And yet, it makes Canary think.

Alluka has been nothing but kind to Canary, eager to give and spend time together and seemingly just glad to have any sort of companionship. But even if many of the rumors about Alluka that spread around the Zoldyck family were greatly exaggerated or downright false, even if the blame wasn’t earned, Canary knows that past butlers assigned to Alluka have died.

“Okay! New slumber party activity! Truth or Dare!” 

Alluka is, for all appearances, simply desperate to live like a normal teenage girl. No part of her seems malicious, she’s not even angry at her own circumstances when there’s a great many people to blame for the injustice. So why is such a gruesome past attached to Alluka’s name?

Canary has speculated, made excuses and denials. But for a reason she can’t yet put into words, she feels like she has to hear it from Alluka’s own lips.

“Well?”

“Um…” Canary worries for a moment that Alluka will try to “dare” her to be let out of the room or something else that will cost Canary her head. But Alluka could have just demanded it outright, and for whatever reason the idea of a heartfelt conversation is somehow more daunting than a potentially embarrassing task. Besides, Canary can’t bring herself to focus on this. 

“Dare.”

“Ok! I dare you to…try and juggle some of the stuffies.” 

And so, Canary picks up three small teddy bears and tries to juggle them. She manages for a few moments on sheer quick reflexes, but it feels too weird to get into any sort of rhythm. Alluka, for her part, still seems thoroughly entertained. However, once the show is over, Alluka takes a moment and pauses the game; just long enough to pick up the bears and whisper them each an apology along with giving them all a kiss on the head.

“Ok, my turn! You ask me now.”

“Okay. Truth or dare?” 

“Truth,” Alluka answers easily. Canary hesitates to ask anything. She doesn’t want to upset Alluka, but at the same time she really wants to know where she’ll stand if she does. Where they will stand, her and Alluka.

“What happened to the butlers assigned to you before me? Why did they die?” 

Why was I different?

“You…you don’t need to use Truth or Dare for that. You can just ask.”

“Well, then I’m asking. What happened? I was told you had killed them, but…it doesn’t seem like you.”

Alluka slumps over and hugs her knees to her chest, curling in on herself. 

“It wasn’t on purpose, at first. With Mitsuba…I never thought she’d do that. It was…confusing. I didn’t…realize what would happen until it was too late. We… I asked her for a favor, and it killed her.” 

Alluka looks up at Canary, a little teary. Alluka tentatively opens her arms, and Canary hugs her without hesitation. Alluka takes advantage of the position to speak into Canary’s ear — her teary voice is still comprehensible from so close.

“Three requests. I ask someone to do something for me three times. Then they can ask for anything in return, and it happens. I don’t think there’s a limit, but I don’t know how it works.”

Alluka gently pushes Canary away, now, instead holding intense eye contact.

“I didn’t stop asking, either. But after Mitsuba…none of them actually cared about me. Not enough to take care of me, or actually give me anything I needed. Not love, not freedom, not even kindness. I wouldn’t hurt someone who never did anything to hurt me. But the others…they didn’t care. None of them did. They just wanted to use me, and that hurt so bad, because they pretended to care just to get what they wanted.”

Canary stews in that for a moment. It didn’t occur to her…she knew Alluka was supposedly very powerful, that it was why the family locked her up to begin with, but it had seemed so absurd once they met. Canary had doubted it was true, and even if it was, she couldn’t understand why any other butler would then tempt fate by antagonizing Alluka. 

But if Alluka developed a Nen ability based on an unconscious restriction that she herself couldn’t trigger the power or benefit from it, that would explain the terrifying feats. And if Alluka’s previous caretakers all approached with the intent to take advantage…even if the reaction was disproportionate, Canary can’t really blame Alluka for being mad at her family or those who acted on their behalf to manipulate her.

“Thank you,” Alluka says out of the blue, ending Canary's train of thought. 

“For what?”

“For being kind to me. None of the others were. They acted like I was a wild animal, like I was going to bite them as soon as they got close enough. I hated it.”

“So that was why you killed them?” Canary clamps her hands over her mouth as soon as the words slip out, but she’s too late. She said it. She’s really pushing it, isn’t she? 

“No. I gave them a choice. I wanted to see if they’d be kind, or if they just wanted to take advantage. For themselves, or on my parents’ behalf. None of them ever chose to be kind to me. So I decided I didn’t have to be kind to them either.”

Canary closes her eyes to think. She opens them to see Alluka, tearful and desperate. It eliminates any doubt as to Canary’s answer. 

“Okay.”

Alluka looks baffled. “Okay?”

“Okay. I don’t necessarily agree, but I think I understand. I won’t bring it up again. And…” Canary thinks better of it before she can say it. She decides to misdirect, just a little.

“Hey Alluka? You said part of a slumber party was sharing secrets, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yes. Are we still doing that?”

“Why not? You just shared something very personal, after all, so I think it’s my turn.” 

And Canary leans in, right up to Alluka’s ear, so the cameras can’t make out her lips through their hair and any microphones that may exist won’t pick this up.

“I promise I won’t take advantage of you. Your father said some odd things when he assigned me to you, but I promise I won’t believe him over you either.”

Canary isn’t surprised when Alluka hugs her, this time, nor does she hesitate before wrapping her arms around the smaller girl in turn.

After that, they resume their so-called sleepover, but the tone is much more solemn. They paint their nails in total silence, Alluka not bothering to comment on colors and Canary not bothering to tease the younger girl about the messiness of the activity.

“Okay, this is too weird. We need to find a way to have fun, that was supposed to be the whole point of tonight,” Alluka says, breaking the silence while wearing the expression of a soldier going to war.

“I had fun earlier,” Canary offers, hoping to diffuse the tension. “But we just had a pretty serious conversation, and I think it’s better if we don’t try to forget it.”

“Okay…let’s keep talking, then. What’s something you don’t know about me?” 

“Uh…” Canary can’t decide what the right level of severity for this would be. She doesn’t want to bring down the mood again, but she also knows most of the trivial or open sides of Alluka’s life and personality. Canary settles for something that can be answered shortly if Alluka doesn’t want to respond in detail. 

“Which of your brothers is your favorite?

“Let’s see…I don’t think Illu-nii likes me much at all, and frankly the feeling is mutual. Millu-nii used to be fun, and we like a lot of the same things, but I think he finds me annoying. He visited once, but he had a butler do all the talking, so I think he was scared too. Kalluto was really little when I got locked down here, so he probably doesn’t even remember me. I…I don’t even know what he looks like anymore.” Alluka chokes out. 

“And Killua?” Canary asks, hoping to distract Alluka from her impending tears. 

“Big Brother…he and I used to be really close. I trusted him a lot, you know? I would have given him the world if he asked. But I don’t get why he left. I wish he hadn’t. I miss him.” 

Alluka shakes her head, as though to dislodge any and all sad thoughts she’s having.

“I’m sorry! I don’t think I even answered your question. But I don’t think I could choose a favorite. They’re all my brothers, and I still love them.”

“Right. Thank you. And I’m sorry to have brought up something unpleasant. What’s something you’d like to know about me?”

“Oh! Right. Um…where are you from? You must’ve lived somewhere else before you came to the mountain.”

Canary feels defensive, somehow, thinking about the earliest years of her life. 

“I lived in Meteor City,” she admits. Alluka would never judge or condemn her for this, she’s sure, but it still feels shameful somehow.

“You’re from Meteor City? Really? That’s so cool! Did you know my mother was born there too?”

Canary feels her eyebrows disappear into her hair. 

“Really? You mean to tell me that Kikyo Zoldyck grew up in Meteor City?”

Alluka giggles at Canary’s incredulity. 

“Yep! I think she’s ashamed of it, though. I don’t get why. Living there…you have to be resourceful, right? Strong and smart. I think it’s cool.”

Canary gets the feeling the compliments are in no way directed at Kikyo Zoldyck.

“Thank you. Is it my turn to ask a question again?” Canary asks. 

Alluka quickly nods in reply, earnest and kind as always. 

Canary makes a decision. 

“Do you ever want to leave here?”

Alluka suddenly goes very still — Canary becomes incredibly aware that Alluka normally moves all the time, fidgeting and bouncing about and always holding a toy or pillow. The contrast is stark, and the newfound silence overwhelming. But just as Canary is about to give up, to apologize and ask a new question, Alluka answers.

“Yes. More than anything.” Alluka says, showing an intensity and anger that Canary hasn’t seen from the younger girl in a long while.

Then ask.

“Canary, can you pass me that sketchbook?”

“Of course.”

“Canary, can you give me a hug?”

“Of course.”

“Canary, can you pick me up?”

Of course. Alluka is light, and no sooner does Canary have her off the ground than she goes limp. Canary stares into Alluka’s eyes, swirling and dark like nothing she’s ever seen before, like a gateway into another world. But still so familiar. Still Alluka.

Alluka, who is so sweet and kind. Alluka who shares every moment possible with Canary. Alluka, who adores music and art and nature and all the things she can only enjoy by her own hand. Alluka who hasn’t seen her brothers’ faces or the sun in over five years. 

Any doubt Canary had is erased.

“Alluka, can you take us to Yorknew City? Right now.”

“Ai,” Alluka replies.

Canary might pay dearly for this later on. They both might get hurt. But for now, Alluka will be able to have her fun. 

The world goes white, and the prison that was the Zoldyck family estate is nothing but a memory.

Chapter Text

It takes a moment for her to realize she has company. Alluka has stopped noticing when the door to her room is opened or shut. It’s never more than the outermost door, and no one ever stops to chat anyway.

But Nanika notices, stirring and cheering at the presence of someone new. Alluka forces herself out of her current daze, taking control and forcing her eyes to focus. 

If Alluka couldn’t have retreated to the comforts of Nanika’s subconscious space in her own mind, she doesn’t think either of them would have been able to bear the solitude. Time was different there, more malleable — easier to ignore the monotony as years inched by. But Alluka also knows herself and her sister very well, and Nanika is too trusting. She’s too quick to open herself up to anyone who comes into their lives, to make requests and offer wishes. Last time, it was a butler who followed Milluki’s instructions, shouted from the intercom. Since then, Alluka and Nanika have talked about how to handle new people. Nanika isn’t interested in meeting anyone Alluka hasn’t made the effort to vet. 

So, Alluka forces herself to be cautious about their newest guest. A butler, as always, but Alluka is struck by how young she looks. Older than Alluka, most likely (though exactly how long she’s spent down here is a mystery), but there’s a softness to the girl’s warm eyes and features that make her seem not quite grown.

“My name is Canary, I’ll be looking after you from now on.”

Alluka rises, prying herself out of the pile of stuffies she buried herself in. (The weight and softness is comforting. If Alluka really tries hard, she can imagine there are people beside her instead of just cotton.)

Alluka briefly entertains the idea of self-restraint. But she doesn’t know how long she’ll have someone else here — someone made of flesh and blood and who’s real even if they might be mean or selfish. So Alluka throws herself into Canary’s arms, desperate for the warmth of a hug. 

However, Canary only stiffens in response.

So Alluka does what she always has. She is kind and flattering and generous, offering a compliment to the stranger in her room and speaking brightly and simply. It makes things surprisingly easy, and soon Alluka manages to talk Canary into playing with her. 

Alluka pulls out the chess set Grandpa Zeno gave her. It’s a beautiful thing, and she’s proud to own it. While Alluka and Nanika often play just for fun, chess is also a game of mental strategy, of reading your opponent. This will be a good way to see how Canary views Alluka (and Nanika, though no one but Big Brother can recognize the differences between them). 

But Alluka hesitates when setting up the board. Normally, she plays as white and Nanika plays as the technically-black-but-actually-the-pieces-for-this-set-are-red color. But even if Alluka likes her own set, she dislikes the idea of letting someone else use Nanika’s pieces a lot more. So she sets herself up with the red pieces, and the game starts.

Canary plays…at first Alluka thinks it’s just caution, but if Canary were careful she wouldn’t be losing so spectacularly. She’s blatantly leaving herself open, to the point where it’d take more effort on Alluka’s part to lose than to win. 

Alluka is suddenly, irrationally, angry. She knows she plays up the act of being a nonthreatening, harmless, sweet tempered little girl…but that doesn’t make it less galling, having someone treat her like an idiot.

There’s really no way for Alluka to win, is there? The minute she does anything to try and claim control over her own life, expressing desire for freedom or anger at her imprisonment, she’s a threat, and suddenly there are toys disappearing or meals missed, company only a distant dream. But for Alluka to get any kind of companionship, she has to play up being as dumb and harmless as possible. She’s debasing herself and Nanika, and for what?

Canary is looking down on Alluka. Maybe that’s safer than being met with fear, but it stings almost as bad. 

At the very least, when Alluka accuses Canary of throwing the match, she doesn’t deny it.

“I thought you’d want to win. I’m very sorry. We can play again if you like.”

The gears turning in Alluka’s mind screech to a halt. An offer for another game? Canary is going to willingly spend more time with her? Uninvited at that? This…this hasn’t happened before. Not once. 

Alluka puts the pieces together, snapping the thoughts in like a puzzle, and suddenly it all makes sense. The tension in Canary’s shoulders that eased the longer they played, the impressively short game time, the stiffness, the wide eyes behind Canary’s cold demeanor. Canary isn’t looking down on Alluka — she’s scared, of both her and Nanika. It wasn’t that Canary didn’t think Alluka could win; she threw the match because she thought Alluka would throw a fit if she lost.

And Alluka feels bad for that. She doesn’t want to be the kind of person who always assumes the worst of others. It’s just…it’s become safer, and consistent, to think people have an ulterior motive or underlying resentment behind their actions.

Alluka is used to people being scared of her. She knows what happened to Mitsuba was horrifying, and she’s sure her family shirked the blame for everything that came after. But Alluka hates that, because there’s no reason to be afraid. Not of her, and most definitely not of Nanika. 

So, even if today has been a little frustrating and hurtful, Alluka will be nice to Canary. She’ll try to be her friend, to be close to her, to open up. Alluka will keep being kind.

And then, Alluka wants to see what Canary does with that kindness.

It’s been a few weeks now, and it’s been…a lot of nothing, honestly. Alluka has gone about her usual life, just now with a new presence. Canary is pretty quiet, but also pretty nice. Better than anyone else who’s visited, that’s for sure. Even when Alluka is deliberately demanding or annoying, even when she asks for things that Canary is visibly confused by, the older girl complies. She’s been endlessly patient and polite — still a little stiff at times, but it seems like that’s more her sense of professionalism than anything else.

That’s why today is a trial run. 

Nanika is taking the lead, drawing, while Alluka sits…on standby? In a weird limbo state, more like. Normally, it’s hard for both of them to be fully awake and aware. 

They share feelings, they share thoughts, but senses are trickier. Smell and taste are pretty much always shared. Sight, only one of them can have at a time. Alluka can see her and Nanika’s thoughts float by, but she has no idea how close any of it is to the real world. Touch…not impossible, but not worth the energy when it offers relatively little information. Hearing, if Alluka really strains herself, they can share to a degree. But that’s as far as it ever goes, and it rarely even reaches that point.

In order for Nanika to have enough control to move, Alluka has to be deep within their mind — not quite deaf to the world, but everything is muffled. It feels like everything is enveloped in cotton, and it’s so tempting to just rest her mind and tune things out altogether…

But no. Alluka has to be ready, has to pay as much attention as possible to the current situation. For Nanika’s sake. 

However, nothing seems to be going wrong. Nanika has been intently focused on her art more than Canary, but Nanika is like this at times. And Alluka loves seeing the images that float through their mind when Nanika draws — so strange, so vivid, so beautiful! 

Alluka knows that not everyone sees it that way. She still remembers when they showed Kalluto and Milluki and Illumi their drawings and were met with nothing but criticism. Everything was the wrong color, plants aren’t made of bones, flowers don’t have faces…Alluka lost the ability to care after a while, but Nanika never stopped shedding tears over the criticism. The things she draws are near to her heart. 

Then, there’s a sudden spike of emotion. Joy, overflowing and overwhelming. 

This hasn’t happened before, not with anyone but Killua. Nanika has her special people who make her happy, but by default people tend to be scared by her. Her power, her manner of speech, even the way she looks. Alluka doesn’t think anyone but Killua has made her happy. And from what Alluka can sense, Nanika isn’t just happy, but… bashful . Because with no further warning, Nanika leaves their body in a state of limbo and whispers to Alluka within their mind.

Canary. Canary nice. Like Canary.

Alluka has let Nanika talk to butlers before. She’s never called any of them nice.

Maybe Canary really is different. Alluka quickly decides to wake up and find out for herself. Fortunately, she manages to catch the tail end of what Canary said.

“...Beautiful. I don’t know how else to say it. How do you even come up with these things?”

Alluka isn’t sure what to say to that. She doesn’t know where Nanika gets the mental images for the things they draw — it’s almost always a landscape, always fully formed and detailed, and always bright and dark at once in a way that hurts to think about. But when Alluka asked where it is, Nanika’s only reply was… 

Home. 

Point is, Alluka definitely doesn’t come up with the things she draws. She and Nanika both focus on bringing those images they’ve already seen to life. It feels like cheating, like it’s selfish or greedy, to take credit for the wonderful things Nanika creates. Alluka ends up giving a non-answer to Canary — she won’t take credit for Nanika’s work, but she doesn’t want to expose her brain buddy either. She’s not ready to, not yet.

But Canary is wonderfully kind in response. Self-deprecating, but good-natured and friendly and kind . She smiles instead of glaring, laughs instead of getting angry. It’s a wonderful thing to witness, if alien after so long being met with nothing but fear and hostility.

Alluka thinks it might be safe for Canary to meet Nanika more officially. Not today, but soon.

Alluka and Canary end up binging an entire TV show based on a book. As with most adaptations, it misses the mark. Alluka doesn’t want to blame the actresses, but she thinks a lot of the emotion and desperation from the books was lost to film. Of course, it makes sense — people will forgive ugliness in text, in theory, but they tend to be less forgiving when they see it in real people. 

“Poor Jackie. She was just doing what she thought was right, and she’s losing all her friends because of it.”

Alluka is kind of surprised by Canary's comment. 

“But she’s being mean to them. She lied about Shauna.”

“I don’t know. She had good intentions. She’s a teenage girl in desperate circumstances — of course she’s going to panic and make bad decisions. It doesn’t make her a bad person.”

Alluka hesitates. 

“Even when they’re her teammates? Her family? It’s not…she’s not wrong to resent them?”

“I don’t know if she resents them,” Canary says, eyes glued to the screen. “I think she just needs help and security that she’s not getting. A lot of people will lash out when they go through that.”

Alluka pauses the TV, then turns it off. 

“What about me? Am I a bad person for keeping you here? For being so clingy and needy?”

Canary startles at that. 

“Alluka, you’re not keeping me here. Even if you were, it’s not normal for a person to be kept in isolation. Of course you hold on to the people you care about tightly. That doesn’t make you a bad person. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re needy. You’re human, just like anyone else.”

Alluka is struck by the sudden thought that Canary is too good for this place. Too good for Alluka, for the Zoldyck family, for Kukuroo Mountain. 

Canary is too kind to be destroyed by this place.

Alluka tentatively asks Canary if they can bake together. It’s definitely silly, and maybe a little selfish, but.…

Alluka is at least ten years old and she’s never so much as set foot in a kitchen. She’s read a book on children’s developmental landmarks, and knows she’s well behind where she should be. Ten is old enough that she should know how to do basic things like heating up food in the microwave and using a knife, even if she’s still too young to cook full meals. 

But she can do this. She can handle measuring and mixing. She’s just never had the chance to try. 

Alluka is ready to say all this and more, but it proves very unnecessary.

“That shouldn’t be too hard. Of course, I’ll need to take the dough outside to actually bake the dough, as we don’t have an oven here. But I can bring in flour and sugar and some cooking utensils easily enough.”

When Canary puts it like that, it…it really does seem manageable. Like it’s no trouble at all. Alluka wonders why she never managed to work up the nerve to ask any of the other butlers about this.

Then again, none of the others who visited genuinely cared about Alluka. They were there because they had to be, and when they stopped being scared, they focused on how to turn the situation to their own advantage. No one ever was willing to go on indulging Alluka’s whims when they didn’t get anything back.

Canary really is different. 

Feeling her face grow warm and not wanting Canary to see, Alluka runs to one of her bookshelves. She’s sure she had a cookbook somewhere over here; she’d look at the pictures whenever she felt she’d gone too long without eating.…

Yes! Here it is. A classic chocolate-chip cookie recipe, one labeled as easy. There’s a list of ingredients and measures on the first page, but it says it makes 48 servings…that seems like a lot for only two people. (Well, technically three people including Nanika, but only two stomachs .) Alluka doesn’t want to change the recipe when it’s her first time baking, though. It feels risky. 

So instead, she shows Canary the recipe, and Canary reads through it for a few minutes before declaring that she’ll be back with everything shortly. Alluka kind of thought Canary would take the book with her — did she memorize all the ingredients? 

That’s...really impressive. Sure, Alluka remembers most of the things from the books in here, but she’s had many of them for years and reread them many times accordingly. 

Alluka is left alone for…a while, when Canary goes to gather everything they’ll need. Rather than dwell on how it feels, Alluka decides to get the room set up. She clears a space in the middle of the room, picking up the beanbag chairs and cushions that usually live there and putting them in a corner. Belatedly, Alluka realizes she doesn’t have a lot of tables that would work for this — there’s the desk she eats and draws at, which is the right height at least. But other than that, she really only has her tea table, and that’s at stuffed animal height and requires humans to sit on the floor. She’d have to kneel to work at it, and that feels like a bad idea. 

Hopefully the desk has enough space, then. Alluka has just about finished moving all of the books back to their shelves and Nanika’s drawings and art supplies into their appropriate drawers when she hears the doors opening and closing in sequence. 

When the big metal door that actually comes into Alluka’s room opens, Canary is front and center, standing out against the cold, pale steel of the next door behind her. And…Alluka cranes her neck a little — she can see a familiar face behind Canary’s, carrying an additional two boxes.

“Hi Tsubone!”

Tsubone’s eyebrows go up a little over her monocle. 

Did she not think Alluka would remember her name? True, they only met once, when and it was a long time ago — Alluka had tracked mud into the house, she thinks, and Tsubone scolded her a little. It was back when Alluka was still allowed outside, when she was not yet even four, when no one knew about Nanika. 

“We’ve got everything.”

“Great! I cleared off my desk for us to work, will that be enough space?”

“I didn’t carry a table down here, nor do I intend to, so let’s hope so.” Canary says dryly. “Let’s wash our hands, and then we can get started.”

Alluka snickers in reply. She’s so happy right now that the sound of the door slamming shut isn’t upsetting at all.

Canary and Alluka set out all the measuring cups and spoons and spatulas, plus the dry ingredients. The recipe says to mix those first, after all, and they don’t have enough room on the desk for everything to happen at once. 

Alluka ends up getting a little flour on her dress, but other than that, they’re off to a strong start. Next up is creaming the butter and sugar — Canary begins with the handheld mixer, mostly for the sake of showing Alluka how to do it. 

“Okay, now, when you crack an egg, you want to get it in one clean break to avoid bits of shell breaking off into the batter. But don’t hit too hard, or you’ll get egg whites everywhere.”

Alluka listens to Canary’s advice, then enthusiastically cracks the first egg on the side of the bowl. She’s very proud that no shell gets in the bowl — though it might be luck, as the second one does get a small bit of broken shell in it. 

Finally, they get to the point where they can add dry ingredients, and the texture starts looking like the dough pictured in the cookbook. 

Plus, with that done, they get to add the chocolate chips.

(Canary graciously ignores Alluka grabbing a handful of them to snack on.)

Finally, it’s time for them to start rolling up the dough into balls to make the actual cookies. Canary has trays, and sets down a plastic-y baking sheet on top of the metal. Alluka, meanwhile, starts rolling. The whole thing is very fun — the dough is pleasantly sticky, but not too messy. Still, Alluka wonders….

“Hey Canary? Can I eat a little of the dough?”

Canary makes a face. 

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea. There’s raw egg in there…” Canary trails off. Perhaps she  remembered that the Zoldycks have built up immunity against poison for generations, and that even if Alluka did not train extensively she’s definitely got a strong enough constitution to avoid salmonella. 

“Never mind. Go for it.” 

Canary somehow makes opening the door and leaving while carrying three metal trays — one in each hand, the last balanced in the crook of her arm — look effortless. Alluka is then left to her own devices while Canary actually bakes the cookies.

It’s odd. Alluka spent much longer having it just be her and Nanika, but now she’s very aware of Canary’s absence.

Do you like Canary, Nanika?

Canary nice. Canary make Alluka happy. Like Canary.

That’s good, Alluka thinks. It’s good that Canary and Nanika are getting along, even if the former won’t understand what that means anytime soon.

Alluka does worry about that, sometimes. That in the moments where she isn’t awake nor aware, Nanika will have an important conversation or experience and forget to tell Alluka. They’ve spent years keeping up the veneer of being a single person, but now it’s beginning to crack. 

Of course, it makes sense that it’s getting harder to hide — they never hid from Killua, and were never very close with anyone else. Bonding with Canary has been wonderful, but it’s hard to do in these half measures. Alluka wants to trust Canary wholeheartedly, and that includes letting her get to know Nanika as her own person rather than a version of Alluka.

The problem lies with the people who watch. Alluka knows that it’s a fear of Nanika’s power that made her family isolate her, which means it’s better to play it close to the chest. That’s what Big Brother said, anyway, and Killua is usually right about these things. After all, if they knew Nanika and Alluka could be separated, would her parents try to tear them apart by force?

They thought it was their blood daughter who they cast aside as a monster. What would Silva and Kikyo do to a stranger? Actually, Alluka knows that very well. They wouldn’t hesitate to hurt either of them as is, but there’s a frail sense of pride or unity around biological family that her parents have seemed unwilling to cross.  

Nanika’s power is too selfless to protect her. So Alluka can’t let anyone get a better understanding of Nanika’s strengths and weaknesses as a person. 

Still…. 

Hey, Nanika? Should we have a tea party with Canary when she gets back?

Yes! Love tea parties. Love Canary.

Alluka stiffens. 

Love? That’s not…not a word Nanika uses easily. There’s a depth to it, a line that was rarely crossed. Nanika is kind to many, but she doesn’t love quite so simply, and neither does Alluka. 

You love her, Nanika?

No, Alluka loves Canary.

Alluka stiffens. Does she…does she really love Canary? And if so, how?

Love hasn’t been easy for Alluka. She loves Nanika unconditionally, of course. And there’s Killua, who she would have once said was her favorite person in the world. Alluka still cares about her other brothers, even in their long absences. There’s even a part of her that still loves and longs for the parents she never really knew. 

Compared to them, it makes sense that she would love Canary, right? They’ve known each other for months, and have been together almost constantly in that time. But how to define it?

Alluka remembers reading about how one language, Greek, had seven words for love. Nanika had adored the book explaining that, so they read it many times together. But Alluka doesn’t think she’s picked up that book since Canary came into their lives. 

Let’s see…she remembers one kind of love was based on physical attraction. That doesn’t seem right at all for how Alluka feels about Canary. Just because someone is pretty doesn’t mean they’re nice, after all. Something that fits a little better would be a brotherly or familial kind of love — she knows the book had one or two mentions of that. Alluka would definitely say that suits her relationship with Killua, and Canary is similarly important. But Alluka’s relationship with Canary is different from her relationship with Big Brother.

What else? There was something about loving yourself, about that being a virtue and a vice at the same time. Well, Alluka certainly loves Nanika, and that’s reciprocated. But it doesn’t help her settle her feelings towards Canary. Let’s see…there was also the kind of love between peers, friendships and loyalty and community.

That…that might be it. Alluka’s never really had a friend, much less a girl friend close to her own age. Having someone who she can relate to, who appreciates her and whom Alluka appreciates in turn, is new. But it makes sense, doesn’t it? That she would consider her first friend someone special. 

And Canary is special to her.

Alluka startles back into awareness. She hasn’t drifted unintentionally in a while — Canary has been an anchor to reality, a reason to stay conscious in her own body. 

Nanika was busy while she was out, though. She’s gotten the tea table set up, with two of her favorite stuffed animals seated in their chairs. The other two spaces are left empty, for them and for Canary. 

Alluka decides to do some work too. She packages up the ingredients from their baking and puts them back in one of the boxes, and moves the dirty bowls and spatula into another. She pushes her desk back to the wall, although it looks weird…well, that was where the carpet had worn down, so it was definitely the right place. 

What else? Maybe she can clean everything up using the sink in the bathroom? Alluka has liquid soap somewhere in there, if she can find it….

“What are you doing?”

She’s still digging around in the cabinet under the sink when Canary comes back.

“I was looking for soap to wash the bowls and stuff from when we baked. I know I have some in here…”

Unfortunately, it was behind the nail polish, which meant Alluka had gotten sidetracked by trying to find all the bottles she’d shoved in there and then rearranging them by color to make a rainbow.

“I got distracted. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Canary says in a bemused tone. “Do you want some of the cookies?”

“They’re done?” Alluka immediately pulls her head out from under the sink and stares at Canary.

Yep, she’s holding a plate full of melty chocolate chip cookies.

Wow. Did Alluka really help make those? They look amazing . She swells with pride, even though she knows Canary did a lot of the legwork. Those are their cookies!

“Yes! Just let me finish picking up in here. Can you put them on the tea table? It’s all set up,” Alluka says, carefully avoiding taking credit for Nanika organizing them a tea party. 

After putting back all the bottles she pulled out — mostly nail polish, plus some hair products and a lone scented candle Alluka does not have the option of lighting. She hasn’t been allowed matches at any point in her life down here; her bathroom cabinet has been devoid of any hardcore cleaning products since making mustard gas.

Alluka washes her hands and rushes out of the bathroom without drying them or even touching a towel.

“All set! Let’s have some cookies!”

“Sounds good. How about I get us some actual tea, if you want this to be a tea party?”

Alluka wants to slap herself. She didn’t even think about actually drinking tea with the cookies! She’s never been allowed a kettle or any kind of cooking appliance (or generally anything she could start a fire with), but she could have asked. She should have thought of this. 

“Sorry, I guess I didn't think that part through…”

“It’s fine,” Canary says immediately. “I don’t particularly like tea, and I’m willing to bet you don’t either.”

“What makes you think that?” Alluka asks, her head tilted sideways.

“You seem to have a sweet tooth, so you probably put a lot of sugar in. And I can’t imagine you wanting the caffeine.”

“What caffeine?”

Canary blinks. “The…the caffeine in tea. You’ve never actually had tea before, have you?”

Alluka pouts. 

“Have too,” she mutters. 

Only once, with Grandpa Zeno, but once still counted. Though Canary was right on the money with her guess that Alluka put a lot of sugar in. Zeno had frowned a bit more than usual at it, but said nothing.

“Anyway, the cookies are a nice enough treat, and I think a cool drink works better with warm desserts.”

So instead, Alluka and Canary fill their teacups from a teapot of cold apple juice.

“If you like, next time I can make a raspberry tea to go with the cookies. It’s a fruit tea, and a sweet one at that, so you’ll probably prefer it,” Canary smiles.

“That sounds perfect,” Alluka says.

And it does.

Alluka is running through the trees, eyes flashing from the sun where it peeks through the blanket of leaves. She can’t tell if she’s alone — is it just the shadows flashing in the corner of her eye, or was that dark blur Kalluto or Killua running past her? 

But the grass is soft underneath her bare feet, the back of her neck prickling warmly in the way that means she’s getting sunburned, and she can feel the wind rushing in her ears.

Finally, Alluka breaks free into a clearing. She can see Mitsuba waiting for her there.

Alluka smiles so widely her eyes crinkle shut. It’s a beautiful summer day, and Nanika ought to enjoy it too, so her vision stays dark for the moment.

Alluka feels something warm against her toes. Did she step in mud? She opens her eyes to see Mitsuba’s twisted corpse on the ground, blood pooling between blades of grass. 

Alluka stares uncomprehendingly at the mess in front of her. Why did this happen? Why now? She’d never want to hurt Mitsuba — she’s always been so incredibly kind. And Alluka didn’t feel a hint of anger or malice or even sadness, so Nanika didn’t mean it either.

Is it a curse? Is that why everyone who loves Alluka seems to leave?

With that thought, she’s no longer outside, instead within the dimly lit walls of the Zoldyck family estate. Alluka blinks at the change in scenery. No more summer sun or crackly grass or spilled blood — she’s in her parents’ study room, with Big Brother standing in front of her on the dark carpet.

“Big Brother! Can I have a hug?” 

Alluka’s not sure if she’s asking for her own sake or Nanika’s — she just feels an underlying itch for comfort right now. And Big Brother never says no, especially not to little things like this.

Only…he doesn’t seem to hear her. He turns around and walks away without so much as blinking. He’s moving at a slow and steady pace, but somehow it feels dangerously fast.

“Big Brother? Come back!” 

Alluka runs towards Killua — but her feet stick to the ground. She can’t move her feet. She’s sinking, like she’s drowning in molasses or quicksand. Her legs won’t budge, but she can move her arms just enough that it feels like she’s being taunted.

Alluka sinks into darkness and lands in a pile of pillows. 

She’s back in her room — that must have been a dream! Thank goodness. Now that she’s in her own brightly lit room, the dark dream doesn’t feel so scary. Though it’s odd that the lights are on, since she was asleep….

“Oh! Canary!”

Canary is standing just by the door, staring off into space. She must have just come in and turned the lights on. 

“Good morning! How are you?”

Canary remains silent. Alluka frowns a little.

“Canary? Are you okay?”

“When were you going to tell me?” Canary says sharply. 

Accusatorily. 

But Alluka doesn’t know what she’s done wrong, what she’s hidden. Did Canary somehow learn about Nanika?

“Tell you what?”

“Don’t play dumb. About all those people you killed. Were you just going to play with me until you got bored, then cast me aside like all those dolls?”

Alluka pointedly doesn’t look at her pile of stuffed animals. That’s not…they’re just toys, at the end of the day, no matter how much she pretends otherwise. Alluka loves them, truly, but it also hurts to try and replace human contact with fabric and fluff.

But Canary is real. What they have is real, and Alluka says as much.

“How can any of what we’ve said or done have been real when it was built on lies? You act all innocent when you’re really a killer. Did you really have no idea there was room for danger? No, you knew, and you still tried to lure me into a false sense of security.”

“I didn’t want to hide anything from you! I just wasn’t sure how you’d react, and–”

“You’re still hiding it even now. You’re not afraid of my reaction. You’re just afraid I’ll tell you what you already heard from all the others, what you know is true. You’re a monster.”

“I’m not,” Alluka chokes out. “I’m not.”

Canary starts walking towards the door. 

“Canary? Please no, don’t leave!”

Canary doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t even turn around.

“Canary, please! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, just please come back–”

“Alluka!”

Alluka’s eyes open to the sight of her own bed’s canopy, now shrouded in darkness.

“Alluka, I’m here. What’s wrong?”

Canary sounds genuinely worried, and Alluka is probably making it worse by crying her eyes out, but she can’t help it. That was the worst nightmare ever. 

Alluka doesn’t think she could bear it, if she loved someone just for them to walk away again. 

But Canary doesn’t seem to have any intention of leaving. There’s still the underlying threat that she might be taken away, but Alluka is sure Canary cares. She was worried when she saw Alluka having a nightmare, after all. Canary woke her up, too. And now she’s not even the slightest bit upset that Alluka is crying on her shoulder at one in the morning.

Alluka isn’t used to the kind of gentle affection and care anymore. She’s gotten used to people who hated her, or simply didn’t care, and she tells Canary as much. 

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now,” Canary whispers.

Alluka wants to cry at that. It’s true. She has someone now. Canary smiles sweetly and extends her arms, and Alluka takes the invitation for a crushing hug. 

“Thank you,” Alluka whispers, but the words feel insufficient. 

She doesn’t think she’s felt so happy, so cared for, so loved in years. Nanika, although barely awake, is feeling equally content. 

Alluka would honestly be happy to spend the rest of her life in Canary’s arms, but eventually Canary breaks the silence with a question. 

“Do you want to go back to sleep now?”

Alluka hesitates. She knows she needs rest, and Canary does too. It feels horribly selfish to stay awake. And at the same time, Alluka is terrified by the prospect of going back to dreams of blood and locked doors. Maybe Nanika will accompany her in her dreams this time, but Nanika needs time to herself. And Alluka really wants to stay with Canary. 

“I don’t want to be alone right now. Can you stay up with me?” 

Canary doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t consider it at all. Still, Alluka tacks on one last plea.

“Please.”

And so, Alluka goes to bury herself in her pile of stuffed animals, as a way to feel less alone. Canary wraps her up in a soft, fluffy blanket and hands her a cup of water. Alluka drinks it without thinking or really noticing.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?” 

Canary’s question certainly wasn’t malicious, but it makes Alluka quiver nonetheless. She doesn’t want to think about it, much less talk. Yet she finds herself answering.  

“It started with Mitsuba.” 

The first person to be hurt by Alluka’s recklessness, the first time she realized the danger within her own home, the first cold realization that not all love is unconditional. 

“And then Big Brother.” 

The family member Alluka never stopped clinging to, never stopped missing and wishing for and imagining at her side, still absent years later.

“And then…you.” 

Alluka doesn’t know what Canary is to her. But she knows she needs her.

Alluka has been avoiding looking at Canary. Now, she turns to see the older girl looking completely gutted. It’s one of the most open expressions Alluka has seen from Canary, and she hates herself for eliciting it. She hates that she made Canary worry.

“Did I…hurt you?” 

Alluka startles. Canary might have frustrated Alluka for a few moments after they met, but she’s been nothing but kind since then. Since she felt safe being kind. If anything, Alluka has been the one to be cruel to Canary.

“No! Just…I’m sick of it. I’m sick of caring and trusting people only for them to leave. I got scared that you would leave too. And then in the dream…” 

This is manipulative, Alluka thinks, and she’s probably a bad person for doing it. But if knowing how scared Alluka is of being left is enough to make Canary stay, then maybe it’s worth it. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Alluka,” Canary says solemnly. 

Alluka wants to believe her. She just…she heard it once before. She knows how it feels to love someone with all your heart and have them go away. 

“You promise?” Alluka asks desperately. 

“I promise,” says Canary. 

Alluka decides to believe her.

Alluka stares at Canary. She’s so unlike anyone in the Zoldyck family, unlike anyone in Alluka’s memory, and largely unfamiliar to Nanika too. 

Canary most definitely knows about Nanika — she was too scared at first not to have been told the lies their family convinced themselves of. But she got to know them anyway. She learned to trust them anyway. She’s gone above and beyond, really, showing a kindness and patience Alluka has never known. And there's a lot Alluka still doesn’t know.

Alluka decides to do something selfish. 

“Hey Canary? Can I have a kiss?”

Canary startles, and her cheeks flush a little. Interesting. Alluka then pokes her cheek, just to be clear. 

“Right here.”

“Right. Um. Yes. Okay.” Canary says shortly. 

She walks over, pecks Alluka’s cheek, and then backs up. But Alluka can see it, can sense it — Canary isn’t mad. She isn’t disgusted or even annoyed. She’s a bit confused, but mostly flustered. 

Alluka hasn’t had anyone but Big Brother willingly show her physical affection in years — and even he’s been absent for a long time. Alluka shuts those thoughts out, crammed into the back of her head. Canary is here. She’s what matters. 

And as it turns out, she has very, very soft lips. 

Alluka decides to ask Canary for a sleepover. Maybe it’s silly, but it’s also something she’s never done. Killua couldn’t, he never had enough free time, and then Alluka didn’t have anyone else she could ask. But Canary is here now, and is agreeable if not as enthusiastic as Alluka. 

It’s pretty fun watching Canary react to the extremely terrible hallmark romance movie they watch together. 

“Are you kidding me? You love her! Just say it!” Canary yells at the screen, evidently fed up with the melodrama. 

Alluka stopped watching the movie within the first half hour — watching Canary’s reactions to it has been way more fun. Normally Canary has a blank expression, but she gets really worked up over the film. She laughs at the gags, hurls insults at the male love interests for their poor communication skills, and tears up a little at the final confession scene. 

Alluka is also crying, so maybe it’s hypocritical of her to get so excited about this. Still, it’s fun to see Canary enjoying herself. 

With tears shed and popcorn spilled, the credits roll. Alluka is stumped for a moment on what to do next, until she remembers she has a gaming console tucked away. 

Alluka hasn’t actually picked up a controller in years. She and Nanika couldn’t very well play together, not when they only have one set of hands between them, and playing everything on single player got boring really fast. But Alluka is in a good mood tonight, and she’s got company now. So she pulls out one of the more nostalgic games — Mario Kart.

It’s been years now, of course. But Alluka remembers playing this with Milluki, when she was little. He’d shown her all the secret shortcuts — or, well, technically he’d taken them himself and then gloated about it, but it had been a learning experience nonetheless. And those hours sitting in the dark in front of a bright screen are the warmest ones Alluka has of her second oldest brother.

Canary is her guest, and probably newer at this, so Alluka lets her have the first pick of an avatar. Canary chooses Toad, which is good, because he’s one of the few Alluka has no sentimental attachment to.

Alluka stares at the character selection screen like it’ll reveal the secrets of the universe. She’s not sure what she wants, really. Alluka loves the princesses, she always has, but she’s never played as any of them. When she played with her brothers when she was younger, she always took last pick to be nice. Milluki loved Rosalina, he always played as her. On the rare occasions where Big Brother could sneak away from training to play with them, he would take Princess Peach, and so Alluka never once played as her. Kalluto, the few times he was old enough to join while Alluka was still allowed outside, loved Daisy, so that was his. And so Alluka never actually used the princess characters despite being the only girl among her siblings, instead playing as Shy Guy, or sometimes Bowser just for the fun of it. 

Shy Guy is a nice avatar. Familiar, and comfortable. And he reminds her of Nanika, as she looks in Alluka’s dreams and as Killua once described her. And Alluka wants to keep the only family she has left close.

Alluka tries to ignore the sad thoughts and focus on the game. Canary doesn’t express any preferences about which tracks to do, so Alluka chooses Rainbow Road — probably a bad idea when it’s been so long, but she just thinks it looks so cool! Plus, even if it’s challenging, that’s better than being bored.

Anyway, it doesn’t turn out to be too big of a mistake on Alluka’s part. She’s a little rusty, sure, but she still has fun playing, and she’s remembered the basics and gotten back into the groove by lap two. She finishes in third place, and Alluka is pretty pleased with herself. 

Canary, however, is laughably bad at this game. It’s weird — the other girl is normally hypercompetent at most things, with quick reflexes and sharp wit. But apparently put a plastic steering wheel in her hands, and a disaster is guaranteed to follow. 

Alluka tries not to laugh. Really, she does! She keeps her eyes on her half of the screen, for the sake of her focus and Canary’s dignity. 

But it’s kind of hard not to notice what’s happening just next to her when Canary keeps driving off the side of the road.

Alluka finally can’t hold back the laughter anymore when she laps Canary towards the end of Shy Guy’s last lap. Toad still has a few vehicular manslaughters in the future, though, since he’s got a whole third lap to finish.  

Canary is a really good sport about it though! She doesn’t get offended or insist Alluka cheated like Milluki did whenever he lost. Canary just scrunches up her eyebrows, reflects on what went wrong, and decides to change her cart and character — she even makes a joke about it! Canary really is a nice person. 

Alluka hesitates for a moment, but only just.

“Do you wanna try Shy Guy? He’s my favorite, so maybe he’ll bring you good luck.” 

Canary agrees, and it seems like it works in her favor. She improves leaps and bounds, even if she hasn’t yet caught up to Alluka. Moreover, she keeps trying — Canary and Alluka race again and again and again, until Canary finally wins. 

Alluka fakes being offended, just a little. But she’s honestly really proud of Canary.

Maybe that’s silly. Canary is almost definitely at least a little older than Alluka. But Alluka has rarely gotten a chance to spend as much time with someone as this, and so she’s noticed how Canary has changed.

The Canary who Alluka met all those…months? Weeks? Has it already been a year? Anyway, the person who first came into Alluka’s room never acted like this. She was nervous, afraid — probably because of all the awful things Alluka’s parents said about Nanika. But Canary’s real self started to shine through as they got to know each other.

Canary is snarky at times, always ready with a quick quip or retort, but never slips into mean-spirited humor. She’s clever, quick-thinking, but speaks softly and sweetly. She’s really nice, too. She’s hard working, dedicated, empathetic and open-minded. Alluka got really, really lucky that someone like this was sent to her.

Or maybe it’s not luck. Maybe it’s exactly because Canary is too good for the Zoldyck family, not detached or mean enough for their tastes. Or, horribly, she wonders if this is a setup, meant to get Alluka to let her guard down. 

If it is, she’s sure Canary wasn’t in on it — Alluka trusts Canary, even if she shouldn’t. But what if Canary was sent down here deliberately to get Alluka and Nanika to trust her? What if this is a trap, orchestrated by Alluka’s father and mother to take advantage of Nanika?

Alluka may dislike much of how her family acts, but she knows they’re smart. What if they realized that sending in strangers didn’t work, that Alluka had learned not to trust or give anything to people she didn’t know? 

Canary is kind. Truly, genuinely, kind, in a way the Zoldyck family seems to want to stamp out. Could it be that the reason Canary is so kind in a cruel place is because her family decided to let that kindness remain in order to make use of it?

Alluka knows she’s seen as a naive child. But she really doesn’t want to imagine that her entire friendship with Canary was actually orchestrated by her family, that her immature image is actually truer than she realized.

Why was Canary sent here to begin with?

Alluka decides to find an excuse to ask. She wants confirmation. So she asks if they can play truth or dare.

She starts out with something lighthearted, just to make sure they can both feel comfortable. Canary actually does a really good job of juggling, considering the stuffed animals she’s juggling aren’t symmetrical and thus move weirdly in the air. It’s great fun to watch, although Alluka does feel bad for Wilbur and Della and Zwei when they get dropped on the floor.

Still, Canary did a dare, so Alluka chooses truth. She knows she hasn’t opened up to Canary as much as the other girl has opened up to her, so she may as well create an opportunity.

“What happened to the butlers assigned to you before me? Why did they die?” 

Alluka’s breath catches in her throat. 

She didn’t…she didn’t think Canary would ask that. Alluka assumed that Canary at least knew about requests, but it doesn’t seem that way. And while some part of Alluka is glad Nanika won’t be blamed unfairly for what happened before….

“You…you don’t need to use Truth or Dare for that. You can just ask.”

Alluka really thought Canary trusted her, and she’d trusted the older girl in turn wholeheartedly. Was Canary still scared, after all this time? She must’ve been, to not have asked this sooner. 

But Canary is asking. Not accusing or demanding. She has at least a little faith. 

“I was told you had killed them, but…it doesn’t seem like you.”

Alluka hugs her knees to her chest, as though she can hug Nanika by doing so. Canary is right that Nanika isn’t dangerous, but…how can Alluka begin to explain what really happened without explaining Nanika? 

Well. No one but Killua recognized Nanika for who she really is — her own person. As far as anyone else is concerned, Alluka and Nanika are one in the same, and therefore share any achievements or sins. 

If Canary can’t accept what happened, even — or especially — thinking it was Alluka’s doing, maybe there isn’t any hope for them.

So Alluka decides to start from the beginning according to everyone else. The beginning of Nanika no longer being so shy, and all the grief that followed. 

Mitsuba had been a genuine accident. Alluka and Nanika had both spent so much time with her, and she’d been so wonderful. Unlike every other babysitter, Mitsuba had been genuine in her love and care. And because of that, when it came to the harmless little things Nanika asked for every day, Mitsuba agreed easily. 

And neither Alluka nor Nanika knew things had changed, that Mitsuba had been ordered to say no for all eternity, until long after the fact. Instead, Nanika asked for the same simple things she always did. 

And they’d been met with a corpse.

Alluka doesn’t think Nanika really understood what would happen if someone said no — Alluka certainly didn’t know, and how could either of them anticipate what had never happened before?

But once Alluka has said all of this, she realizes how incomplete her explanation to Canary was. It’s hard to explain an accidental death without also explaining Nanika’s power. 

Alluka looks at Canary, really looks at her. Canary doesn’t look angry or horrified or scared. Just surprised and…a little bit sad.

Alluka will take a leap of faith. She’ll trust again. One more time. 

She does what she always has in moments of distress, arms akimbo in a silent request for a hug, and Canary still holds Alluka gently. And so, voice choked with tears at the memory of Mitsuba and in fear of what might come next, Alluka whispers in Canary’s ear.

“Three requests. I ask someone to do something for me three times. Then they can ask for anything in return, and it happens.”

It’s enough. Enough to find out if Canary will turn on her, try to take advantage, but also enough to begin to explain Nanika’s magic. To explain what happened before. 

Belatedly, Alluka realizes she didn’t actually answer Canary’s question about the butlers who had come here before — it’s happened a few times, since Alluka was a child, and every name and face remains crystal-clear in her mind.

Little by little, Alluka lets the frustration escape. It was almost crueler than the constant isolation — when it was just her and Nanika, things got boring, but they were predictable and kind and safe . The same wasn’t true when other people were here.

It felt awful every time. The ones who left Nanika rejected and teary when she made requests. The ones who came in with accusatory glares and refused to answer anything but a demand. The ones who came in shaking and teary, as though Alluka was some kind of horrible criminal. 

The kind ones were the worst, Alluka thinks. The others were mean, but they were honest about it. What hurt worse was when she thought she’d found someone who genuinely cared again, when she and Nanika opened up only to be taken advantage of. An honest blow was better than fake love. 

Alluka had feared Canary might have been one of those people. But she knows better now — Canary was always genuine, in her fear and in her kindness.

At some point, it occurs to Alluka that maybe she’s being too honest, too cruel. Canary will be scared by all this, and be driven away. Alluka is not as bad as the rumors her family has spread about her, and Nanika certainly isn’t dangerous to anyone who isn’t selfish, but that doesn’t mean Alluka is perfect. She’s had these kinds of thoughts for a long time — things that are dangerous or just plain mean. Canary probably won’t want to be friends, now that she knows about this side of them.

“Okay. I don’t necessarily agree, but I think I understand. I won’t bring it up again. And…” 

Alluka has never been so happy to be wrong.

Canary hesitates, but she’s already said the most important thing. She doesn’t hate Alluka nor Nanika for what happened in the past. She heard their side of things, she listened , she believed them. And then Canary pulls Alluka in close and whispers something even more wonderful.

“I promise I won’t take advantage of you. Your father said some odd things when he assigned me to you, but I promise I won’t believe him over you either.”

Alluka actually tears up at that. She’s wanted to hear that for so long, for half her life now. Just that expression of trust—of faith and goodwill and kindness. She’s never had this from anyone but Big Brother.

Tomorrow, Alluka decides, surer than she’s been in ages. Tomorrow, she’ll find a way to introduce Nanika and Canary properly. Hopefully without it being on camera, but maybe even then. Alluka wants the two most important people in her life now to be able to spend time together. 

And then, as though to prove how wonderful she is, Canary offers to continue the slumber party activities. They quietly paint each other’s nails — Alluka wearing sparkly pink, Canary a soft shade of green.

Green is a good color for Canary, Alluka thinks. A color of life and healing.

Canary always wears the dark purple butler uniform, save for when they play dress-up. But she’s taken the jacket off a few times, and Alluka thinks even that minor change suits her better. Canary still looks sophisticated, but more relaxed. 

Alluka spends a long time contemplating before she realizes they’ve lapsed into awkward silence. She tries to strike up a conversation again, even if Canary is no doubt still reeling from all the emotions Alluka dumped on her.

Canary then brings up the subject of family, and Alluka forces — or perhaps simply allows it after years of repression — herself to think of her brothers.

Truthfully, her favorite sibling would be Nanika, without contest — they’re sort of like conjoined twins, after all, and certainly they’re as close as sisters. But that’s not the question. 

Illumi…he was difficult at the best of times. 

Alluka never really spent time with him personally — the age gap between them was more than ten years, so anything that Alluka was interested in was too immature for Illumi to enjoy. The closest he came to spending one-on-one time with her was when he brought in Kasuga as a babysitter, and that went south spectacularly fast. All her other memories of Illumi involve Killua — specifically, them being dragged apart. Illumi always insisted Killua needed training, needed to grow stronger, that Alluka was a distraction. 

Alluka thinks it was probably just jealousy talking, but…considering how he’s treated Nanika, Alluka can’t make herself think very kindly of her eldest brother.

Milluki is more complicated. 

Lately, Alluka hasn’t had a favorable impression of him — there was exactly one visit in the years Alluka has been down here, where he used a butler for all communication and when he clearly only came because he wanted something from Nanika. Alluka resented him for taking advantage of her like that. Earlier moments they spent together were mixed — Milluki was always demanding, even when he was ostensibly playing with or taking care of Alluka and Kalluto. But he also had his good moments; showing off a doll ( “figurine,” he’d insist) from a cartoon they both loved, teaching Alluka to play video games, sitting in his room eating junk food and watching horror movies they were both too young for. 

Things aren’t good between them now, but Alluka thinks they could have been really close under different circumstances.

And Kalluto. Sweet, baby Kalluto. 

Alluka knows that Kalluto was still a toddler when they last played together — he’d been a precocious child, fully capable of speech and already mobile at two and a half. He’d often been grouped with Alluka as a result — the two of them played together while their siblings and parents were busy with work or training. But it’s been so long since they’ve spoken, and Kalluto was so little when they last saw each other. 

Alluka honestly isn’t sure how much of the baby brother she remembers is still there.

It occurs to Alluka that she has no clue what her youngest sibling looks like anymore. Did Kalluto end up being plus-size like Milluki, or did he grow skinny and bony like Illumi did during puberty? How does he wear his hair?

Alluka knows Milluki and Illumi have been pretty consistent in their looks and demeanors — they were old enough to have settled into an identity by the time Alluka was born. But she has no idea who her younger brother became. 

The only thing that hurts more than that is thinking about Killua.

Killua was the person Alluka and Nanika loved and trusted the most; there’s no question about that. That’s not to say she cares any less about her other siblings — love isn’t a cup of sugar to be used up — but there was a kind of trust and openness she didn’t have with anyone else that she had with Killua. 

But where is he? 

Alluka knows it’s been years down here, and she’s yet to see Killua even once. Alluka assumed he wasn’t allowed, for whatever reason. She used to daydream about seeing him, used to imagine he’d break her out. She wanted it so badly, for her beloved Big Brother to be the one to carry her out of here, rescuing her like a princess from her tower. 

But Killua isn’t here. Alluka believes he still cares, but he isn’t here. Canary is. And Canary seems to understand Alluka’s pain so well.

It makes Alluka wonder what Canary’s upbringing looked like. Of course, most of Canary’s life was spent training to be a butler — that’s how it works in the Zoldyck family. But where was she born? What kind of place gave rise to a person as wonderful as Canary?

“I lived in Meteor City,” Canary says, not looking very happy about it.

Alluka wonders why that is. She knows her mom is from Meteor City as well — she heard it when Kikyo and Grandpa Zeno get into a fight once, in the garden. Well, Grandpa said some weird things while mother got increasingly huffy and screamed. That was probably as close to an actual fight as they would get.

Alluka read about Meteor City in one of her books. A place that accepts the rejects of the rest of the world, in exchange for the rest of the world leaving them alone. Alluka likes that idea, of a city of people united in feeling alone. 

And it suits Canary, in an odd way. She’s from someplace desperate, she learned to be clever and resourceful and strong, but she never forgot how to be kind in the process. Canary has exactly the kind of strength Alluka wants.

“Do you ever want to leave here?”

The question comes out of nowhere, but Alluka has dreamed of hearing it for years. 

The thought of leaving is exhilarating, yet terrifying. For one thing, Alluka knows what Canary really means. She wants permission for them to leave, using Nanika’s magic. Like Dorothy wishing to go home from Oz, except their silver slippers will take them far away. 

But what happens if they fail? If they get caught? 

Alluka has spent years worried about the day her family decides it’s more trouble than it’s worth to keep her locked up but alive. Escaping would most definitely make their forgotten daughter a threat. And what if Canary is brought down with her?

And even if they safely escape and are never caught…what then?

Alluka’s whole life, her whole world, has been on Kukuroo Mountain. It started off feeling limitless — she had a whole forest, she had the animals that ran wild and the tame ones like Mike, she had a playground to enjoy with her brothers and she had the creepy, musty, cordoned off areas of the house to explore on her own. 

Then her world got smaller. It was only indoors, only certain rooms, only certain people, until it shrank to Alluka and Nanika and their underground room. From there, any new company or freedom was the exception and not the rule of their lives. 

Alluka won’t know how to handle herself, how to take care of herself. She won’t know how to talk to people, she won’t be able to pay for the things she needs, she can’t calculate a tip no matter how hard she tries — and what about navigation? She can’t really read maps, and she still has to use her hands to remember right from left.

Everything outside the Zoldyck Family Estate is only known to Alluka through pictures. Massive cities and small towns alike only exist as pictures on a page. There’s so much she’s never known. She’d start with nothing.

No. Not nothing. Alluka still has people who love her, and she has a whole world left to see outside the pastel-colored prison her family reduced her life to. How could she not want more? Despite all the risks and dangers and unanswered questions, there was truly never a question.

This wouldn’t be the first time Nanika made requests hoping she and Alluka would get what they wanted in exchange, only to be duped. But Canary is here, and they’ve built something real within this room. 

What could they do outside it? The thought makes Alluka shiver with anticipation.

Alluka closes her eyes and takes a leap of faith.

Canary, Nanika, it’s up to you now.

Alluka doesn’t wait a moment longer than necessary. The moment her feet hit the ground outside ( Yorknew City, whispers Nanika), she’s already debating how to explain Nanika’s existence.

As soon as she can open her eyes in the bright sun — painfully bright, to the point where she struggles for quite a few minutes to have both eyes open without tearing up — Alluka grabs Canary’s hand and begins stumbling through an explanation.

Canary does not seem to understand the urgency. She insists Alluka be careful, that she take time to adjust and take care of her health and enjoy the moment. 

But Alluka can’t enjoy this moment until she’s honest. Until she knows that she and Nanika are really done hiding.

And so, the first thing Alluka does with her newfound freedom is talk openly about the sister no one knows she has.

“Please, just let me talk,” Alluka says to Canary, still squinting out of the one eye she’s managed to open.

God, sunlight really is something powerful. No wonder it’s an energy source. Alluka missed it.

“I wasn’t totally honest with you. I’m sorry for that, I just…I didn’t want my parents to know about this. And I knew they were watching, so I never told you. But I don’t want to keep secrets from you, and neither does she.”

That seems to make Canary startle. 

“She?”

“Yeah, she. Um, Big Brother was the only other one who knew. I call her Nanika. She’s…she’s the one with powers. The one people kept taking advantage of. I just…I didn’t want her to get hurt.”

“Of course,” Canary says, a favorite phrase of hers, but it sounds hollow now. “Is she…is she here now? I don’t….”

“Oh! Yes,” Alluka hurries to explain. “Nanika is always with me. It’s like…we’re separate consciousnesses, but in the same body. Does that make sense? We can talk to each other, but only one of us can talk to another person at any time.”

“Right,” Canary says. She still looks surprised, but not quite as confused. 

“So…do you wanna talk to her? Officially, I mean. You met before.”

Canary steps back slightly at that, and Alluka worries that this is the start of a chasm between them. Then:

“If we’ve met before, then I don’t see any reason we can’t talk again. And thank you, Alluka. For trusting me with this.”

Alluka smiles. She knew Canary would understand, would still accept them. But it feels like a huge relief to have confirmation. 

“Thank you . You’re the first one to even try to understand us. You’re the first one I’ve told.” 

Canary’s eyes get wide and shiny at that. 

“You never told anyone? Not even Killua?” 

Alluka smiles bitterly at that. “He got to know her almost as early as I did. It wasn’t…it wasn’t really a choice. It wasn’t a choice when my family found out about her power, either. But I trust you. And she does too. I think you’ll be good friends. She already loves you.”

Alluka thinks it probably is meant to be hard to tell something so complicated and difficult and hidden. But with Canary, words come easily.

Alluka closes her eyes and lets Nanika bubble to the surface. She doesn’t try to listen in, instead whiling away the time while Nanika and Canary chat. She can feel that Nanika is genuinely happy — she looks up to Canary, adores her in a way that feels more intimate than the general care and affection Nanika shows to everyone. Alluka is comforted by that feeling, even just secondhand. 

Then, Alluka is being tugged on, pulled back into control of her own body. 

“So…that was Nanika?” Canary asks, looking mildly confused but not upset by any means of the word.

“Yup! Did you get along?” Alluka asks cheerfully, already knowing the answer. 

“We did. But what did you mean about us having met before? I’ve never seen you look like…that.”

“Oh, Nanika’s eyes won’t necessarily change colors when she’s awake. That’s mostly when she uses her powers.”

“Her powers…I didn’t want to ask her, because it seemed rude, but how exactly did Nanika learn Nen?”

Alluka’s thoughts froze. 

She thought no one could understand Nanika’s power or where it came from. She thought that was why her family feared it. 

But that word… Nen . Canary said it with such comfort, like she’s heard and spoken it many times. And Alluka knows most of her friend’s education happened at the Zoldyck estate. That means, if Nen is what Nanika does, that her parents did understand Nanika’s powers, at least to some degree. That Kikyo and Silva and the rest of her family actively chose to be ignorant and fearful and take it out on Alluka and Nanika, when they could have understood. 

Alluka feels a spark of hate for her family at that. Not anger, not resentment, but hate , in a way that feels new. At the same time, conflicting wildly with it, is a sense of relief. 

Canary might not fully understand Nanika just yet. But with time, it seems like she might be able to make Nanika and Alluka understand themselves a lot better.

“What’s Nen?” 

Canary startles at the question a little, but launches into an explanation without much prelude. It’s not exactly a simple matter, though, and Canary is the kind of person who won’t stop talking once she really gets going. Alluka thinks maybe they should table this conversation for later, after they’ve had time to celebrate. 

Even if it wasn’t perfect — they are currently in a dirty alleyway in a crowded city, yet to enjoy their new freedom at all and drenched in sweat from the heat and stress — she’s glad her two favorite people have met. 

Two days later, Alluka stares at the bustling market — crappy tents pitched here and there with no semblance of organization, people crammed shoulder to shoulder, constantly shouting and arguing — and beams from ear to ear. 

She didn’t think she’d get to experience this. Alluka had started giving up any hope about freedom, about life beyond the four walls of her room. 

And now, she’s here. One of the biggest cities in the world, a veritable metropolis of opportunities Alluka can now explore, with a friend by her side to enjoy it with. 

“Is there anything you want to see?” Canary smiles at Alluka. Alluka beams back. 

“Everything.”

“That’s a tall order. Let’s start by seeing if there’s anything that catches your eye at the market, huh?”

Canary herself is currently carrying two bags of random odds and ends that caught her eye. Not all of them paid for, mind you — they’ve shoplifted from a lot of department stores in the interest of reselling or just out of necessity.

But they have enough saved to buy a few things at the silent auction here.

(Alluka did not understand what a silent auction was, and when she first heard the term had imagined a room full of people with their little number paddles, banned from speaking during the bidding. Writing down amounts of money on notepads is more practical, if a little less cool.) 

For a while, they just browse around the different booths. There’s such a variety to what’s on sale that Alluka can’t decide if there’s anything she wants. That’s not to say she doesn’t enjoy the experience — on the contrary, it’s the best day of her life.

There’s more people than she’s ever seen, and while not all of them have gone out of their way to be nice, no one was mean or scared. A well-intentioned salaryman asked if she and Canary needed help navigating the city on their own, as tourists tend to have trouble with Yorknew’s elaborate train system. The barista at a cafe they visited drew a smiley face on their mochas using chocolate syrup. Alluka’s had quite a few vendors trying to lure her into making an odd purchase by showering her with praise. 

She loves it. She loves that random people feel confident speaking to her, loves that there’s so much noise and bustle and life, loves the comments about which purchases would be best for “a pretty young lady like yourself.”

Alluka wants to stay in Yorknew City forever, but she knows that Canary wants them to leave before the auction ends. Right now, the city is flooded with people who don’t live there, not all carrying ID or traveling by legal means or with good intentions. So Canary and Alluka can blend in and have fun, untraceable in a city that currently has a population of about nine million, and then they’ll take advantage of the declining tourism when the auction ends to cover their exit. 

From there, as long as they’re careful, the Zoldycks will have no way to track them. They’ll have to rely on nothing but luck, and what are the odds that Alluka will run into one of her nine blood relatives in a world with billions of people? 

And Alluka does mean to see the whole world, with Canary at her side. They both deserve to enjoy their freedom, after everything.

But back to the present. Alluka tries to shop, looking for things that are practical and that will make her happy. That’s been the basis for everything she’s gotten so far, including her current outfit. 

Alluka looks different nowadays, and she loves it. She’s put her old hair beads on her new, pink backpack as keychains, tying them to the zippers with yellow cord she got at an art supply store. In her hair now are beads Canary picked out for Alluka, three pairs shaped like stars and moons and suns. She’s wearing a white t-shirt with a set of rainbow stripes across the chest and a denim skirt patterned with bleached white stars (and shorts on underneath, just in case). She’s got on yellow knee socks and pink sneakers that have already gotten scuffed and dirty in just a few days. 

It’s not as girly as Alluka’s old clothes. But it’s light, easy to run in, and freeing. What’s more, every bit of it has Canary’s touch, rather than the taint of her family’s endless money and lack of love.

Canary looks different too. She’s ditched her butler uniform, now wearing a short-sleeved yellow button up and carpenter jeans. Leather boots instead of stiff dress shoes, a plasticky red belt that shines brightly. And Canary wears a necklace that Alluka picked out for her — a thin chain with a charm of a small silver bird.

Both of them have their hair pulled back in ponytails, just because September in Yorknew retains that summer heat. They look like a normal pair of girlfriends, and Alluka loves it. 

But right now, Alluka is trying to find something else to love. Something that will make her happy. She tries looking at the weapons tables, in case she can find something useful, but to no avail. She just feels icky looking at the knives and swords, rather than excited. Maybe it’s a little too soon to be thinking about violence.

Alluka moves on to a booth selling vintage jewelry, and she finds the whole thing enchanting. There’s so many beautiful things! Necklaces and rings and even a few tiaras. In the end, though, Alluka buys a simpler bracelet — a solid silver band with little flowers and leaves and birds carved into it. Alluka finds it reminiscent of spring (she can’t wait to experience spring again, God, she’s missed rain), and wants to give it to Canary.

“Thank you,” says Canary when Alluka hands the bag to her friend immediately after paying. “But wasn’t the point of this to find something for you, and not a gift for me? You left a lot behind…”

Alluka smacks her forehead. She forgot to shop for herself. 

“Let’s keep looking.”

And they do. They get hotdogs from a street vendor for lunch, but stay within the open market. Alluka picks off bits of her bun to feed the pigeons — she knows bread isn’t good for bird stomachs, but it’s so fun! And finally, they pass a stall with something that Alluka wants.

“Canary, can we bid on that doll?”

The doll in question is vintage, still in a box. She’s got curled hair and a fluffy dress and shiny little shoes. Alluka isn’t really sure why it feels special to her — she’s owned and seen a million like it. But there’s an energy to the box that she just feels drawn to. 

“Good eye,” Canary says with a secretive smirk. Alluka hopes she’ll be let in on the joke. 

Canary scribbles down her name along with a rather high bid, and then they wander around the nearby booths waiting for the auction time to run out. Alluka thinks they should just camp out right in front of the vendor with the doll so they can keep outbidding everyone else, but Canary explains that it’s considered poor sportsmanship in this kind of market. And if someone else outbids them, for whatever reason, they can always try to buy it from whoever wins. 

“You might need to shed some fake tears to make them feel bad. Can you cry on cue?”

Alluka can, in fact, make herself cry provided she gets a few minutes of prep, but that doesn’t mean she wants to. 

She loses any resolve to pout about potentially missing out on the doll when she finds a booth selling nothing but a wild assortment of rubber ducks. There’s so many of them! She and Canary challenge each other to find the funniest ones — Alluka’s flamingo duck wins, but the one with a striking resemblance to King Nasubi of Kakin is an honorable first runner-up. 

Finally, the auction time is up, and they go to check on the doll. Alluka honestly doesn’t feel as invested in it now, and feels a bit bad that they might have to pay so much just for a toy. But…well, Canary did say to find something that made her happy, right? The doll made Alluka happy. 

However, the doll isn’t what she notices first as they approach the booth. Her attention is grabbed first by a dejected looking man in a very stylish red jacket — did they outbid him? Or he might have lost the bid for another item…but strangely, seeing someone else lose makes Alluka feel better about her own odds of winning.

Two surprises await her when she actually gets to the booth. First, someone else outbid Canary in the end. Second—

“Big Brother?” 

For the first time in five years, Alluka is face-to-face with Killua Zoldyck. 

Chapter Text

Nanika has a few precious people in her life. Alluka, first and foremost. Nanika is lucky to have someone who shares everything unconditionally — especially love. Love is the most important thing in the world, and Alluka gives it readily to everyone. And so, Nanika tries to love everyone Alluka loves.

Nanika loves Killua. This is a fact of the universe, as sure and true as the rising of the tide or the sun. Nanika loves Kalluto, because Alluka loves Kalluto. And Nanika loves Mitsuba, because Mitsuba is funny and kind and always there. 

Alluka lets Nanika talk to Mitsuba sometimes. So often, Nanika decides to make requests. Mitsuba never says no to Alluka, after all. 

But Mitsuba does say no. After that, things are different. 

The changes are small, subtle ones. Fewer rooms to play in, but their life is already so confined, their world so limited, that Nanika doesn’t understand why this is such a bad thing. Nanika doesn’t understand why the people are different, changing every time and never giving anything. Nanika doesn’t understand why they can’t talk to Killua.

Nanika doesn’t understand why Alluka cries when the doors to the playroom stop opening.

It just doesn’t make sense at first. Everything is the same here, so why does it matter if that sameness is in a smaller space? But Alluka cries and cries, and Nanika resents the walls and doors just for making Alluka cry.

Nanika understands why Alluka is upset when…some amount of time has passed. Nanika then realizes that Killua won’t come back, that they won’t see Killua as long as they’re inside.

Killua is Alluka and Nanika’s favorite person, and the doors and walls are keeping Killua away. Nanika understands, maybe even better than Alluka. Because while Alluka is sad, Nanika grows to hate this room. Every instinct cries out, filling Nanika with a burning need to tear it to shreds. But Nanika can’t do that.

There’s no one to ask.

And so, when someone new comes in, Nanika jumps out as soon as Alluka drifts to their shared mind space. Nanika can feel that Alluka is worried…not quite scared, but close to it. But Nanika knows how to make it better, and then Alluka will be happy, and then Nanika can have new people to talk to.

This is better for everyone, Nanika thinks, over and over as she talks to the purple person. Alluka called the ones in this color purple butlers, and the darker color as parents. The butlers are nice. Mitsuba was a butler. This is good. 

This butler is named Makoto. But this butler isn’t good. Makoto doesn't listen. Makoto doesn’t stay to offer hugs or praise or any other gesture that means love which Nanika has been deprived of. As soon as Nanika grants a wish, Makoto leaves. 

And so, when Makoto returns, Nanika makes a more difficult request than necessary. People are supposed to repay kindness, after all, right? Makoto should be willing to give back, to repay Nanika’s love and generosity. Alluka and Killua always said so. 

And Makoto doesn’t do anything for Nanika, besides what Makoto absolutely has to do. And so, Makoto goes away. 

More butlers come after that, to clean up what’s left of Makoto. Alas, these butlers don’t talk to Nanika at all. These ones won’t even look at Alluka when it becomes her turn to be awake. 

And so, Nanika learns to be content with just Alluka. Time is a tricky thing, but Nanika knows from the way Alluka’s body stretches and the world gets a little smaller through their eyes that this is getting older. Time is going by, and lots of it — longer than Nanika got to spend with Killua, that’s for sure.

A few new faces, a few new names, come and go. But every time, the butler is stingy — there’s no love, no gratitude. Only the same feeling of being wrung out and dry and tired, and with that feeling comes anger. 

It was different when they had Killua. But now, Nanika only has Alluka, and Nanika is tired . Alluka is usually plenty, but Nanika has become greedy. Hungry. Nanika needs more people than this, more love than even Alluka’s boundless heart can offer alone. 

But one day, things change. Alluka is absent from their mind, more and more often. When they dream together, Alluka tells Nanika of something new. Someone new.

Canary.

At first, Nanika hates this person on principle. Canary isn’t good, not if Canary is taking away Alluka time. But Alluka is so much happier, holding even more love and joy in the moments she does afford Nanika.

Nanika is curious now. Nanika thinks it’s possible to love Canary if given the chance. But Alluka is always insisting the same thing, not yet, not yet. It makes Nanika sad. Does Alluka not need Nanika anymore, now that Canary is here?

But Nanika worries for nothing. One day, Alluka says it’s okay for Nanika to meet Canary. But Nanika has to pretend to be Alluka — or has to stick to looking like Alluka, at least. No one else ever realized the difference between them as long as Nanika did that much. But Nanika isn’t allowed to make requests. 

So, that means Alluka doesn’t trust Canary wholly, at least not yet. It makes Nanika feel less bad about how distant things have been with Alluka lately. It’s not about Nanika not being trusted or wanted — it’s just that Alluka is scared to love someone else yet again. After all, Nanika knows how upset Alluka was, how much Alluka cried after every butler stopped caring for Alluka once Nanika started talking to them. It’s not easy to always be the one left behind. 

So, Nanika doesn’t talk very much with Canary. Instead, Nanika draws and dreams of home, of a place that is full of life and death instead of wood and cotton and endless monotony.

But Canary calls Nanika’s home beautiful. Maybe, with the right people, this place can stay interesting.

There’s a new smell in the room that Nanika doesn’t recognize. It’s sticky and sweet and judging by how happy Alluka is right now, the smell must be a good one. 

Nanika never understood the idea that some sensations could be bad until Killua explained it. Nanika didn’t see a problem with touching a bush that had spines, even if that meant picking out the needles later. Nanika didn’t understand that kids aren’t supposed to enjoy the scent of rubbing alcohol, or smoke, or fresh paint. To Nanika, it’s always enjoyable to have more , to experience things intensely, and Alluka never complained. But Killua said it wasn’t healthy — idly, not with any real concern, but said it all the same. 

But Killua isn’t here now. Canary is. And Canary has Alluka beaming and buzzing about like never before. Canary brings a kind of joy that Nanika has never witnessed from Alluka but knows the name of. 

Because Canary makes Alluka happy, but doesn’t take Alluka away from Nanika, Nanika would like Canary already. But Canary also says nice things about Nanika’s drawings, Nanika’s home. Canary is a playmate, and Canary would grant requests if Nanika asked. 

So yes, Nanika likes Canary, and Nanika says as much when Alluka asks. Canary is gone, obviously, for them to talk about this, but Nanika knows feelings, and sees how Alluka’s feelings for Canary grow with any time spent apart. Nanika can tell what this feeling is, and tries to tell Alluka directly.

Canary make Alluka happy. Like Canary.

But Alluka doesn’t really seem to understand. Alluka still worries, still wonders, when Alluka doesn’t need to. To Nanika, at least, it’s clear how Alluka feels. 

Love Canary. Alluka loves Canary.

Alluka doesn’t think very coherently after that. Nanika decides to set up a nice tea party for Alluka and Canary, so they can have fun together. Nanika lets Alluka ponder and deny and worry — Nanika knows it won’t last.

Alluka is too far gone, at this point. Nanika will just have to be swept up in it. After all, they do everything together. Loving Canary can be part of that.

Days go by faster and happier after that. Alluka is brighter, alive in ways she wasn’t even before the big shiny doors of the room closed permanently. Nanika knows it’s because of Canary, because of the compliments and quality time and gifts. Nanika feels more alive, more full, than she has since Killua disappeared. Nanika pays closer attention to their little world, to what happens in the room. 

Nanika has always lived through Alluka to some extent. And so, Nanika rides the roller coaster of emotion along with Alluka during the night of the sleepover. 

Alluka is giddy, then scared, then relieved, then sad, then…

Nanika can’t put a word on the emotion Alluka settles on. But it’s familiar, an old feeling that Alluka let go of. Nanika can’t focus on exactly what this feeling is, though — there’s more to focus on.

Nanika is solid now. And Canary is right in front of Nanika, wearing an intense look.This hasn’t happened in a while, as Alluka has been reluctant to give up any time with Canary, and has been scared since the last butler. But… 

Go ahead, Nanika. Ask her. Ask her for anything you want. 

What Nanika wants? Nanika wants to be loved, to be happy, to be with someone. Nanika is with Canary, now, and Canary loves Alluka. Does that mean Canary will love Nanika by extension?

Then, Nanika realizes what it is that Alluka is feeling. This is hope , the unfounded kind that seems to always raise them up and then bring everything crashing down. But if it’s someone good bringing that hope — if Canary is good — then maybe this time it won’t be greedy. After all, Nanika has received so much love from Canary already, even if that was filtered through Alluka’s experiences and name.

Last time was pulling on something not too far away — nothing too intense. And because Canary has given so much already, Nanika can give something else for free. Or as close to free as anything Nanika can give. Just some care, which Canary will surely grant.

“Canary, can you pass me that sketchbook?” The book has Nanika’s favorite images from home. Nanika doesn’t want anyone but Alluka and Canary to see it.

“Of course.”

“Canary, can you give me a hug?” Nanika missed this, missed being held and loved without strings attached. Though perhaps that’s not quite what’s happening here.

“Of course.”

“Canary, can you pick me up?” Nanika knows it’s better for them to be close, for this part, though Nanika can’t explain why this is a fact. Regardless, it’s now Canary’s choice. Nanika can feel the power flooding through her veins, the way the third show of love always does. 

Nanika doesn’t have a problem with giving. Nanika just thinks it’s only fair for people to give back, and Alluka agreed with that. What will Canary ask for, when she’s given so much already?

“Alluka, can you take us to Yorknew City? Right now.”

“Ai,” Nanika replies. Nanika feels a hum of joy as they’re tugged into another continent. Canary didn’t ask this selfishly. Canary asked for something that would make Alluka happy, and Nanika too. 

Yorknew City is new to them. Yorknew City is beyond their walls. Yorknew City brings with it a kind of tangible relief from Alluka that Nanika has never felt before.

Yorknew City really is magical, Nanika decides, when Nanika once again is solid and in control. Already in the few minutes (hours?) they’ve spent in the city, this is more freedom, more control, than there’s been in years. 

“Hello? Are you…are you Nanika?” Canary is looking at Nanika, a little nervous but not quite scared.

“Ai,” Nanika says, glad that Canary already knows. 

“Erm…what’s your relationship with Alluka? How did you two meet?”

Nanika strains to remember. There was someone else before Alluka, someone who came to Nanika’s old home…but that was so long ago. That person didn’t give a name. That person doesn't matter anymore. 

“Alluka is closest to home. Alluka…Alluka has always been here.”

“I see. Are you two friends?”

Friends is a word Alluka never used about the people they knew, until Canary. A friend was aspirational, but not real. Nanika looks at Canary, curious. Canary makes Alluka so very happy. Canary seems warm, full of life and desire that’s growing by the minute. 

“Friends? Alluka is family. Love Alluka. You love Alluka too. Are we friends?” 

Oh. Maybe that’s too direct. Has Alluka admitted to loving Canary yet? Well, it’s definitely true. 

“Yes, we can be friends.” Canary smiles. Nanika feels happy. Nanika always wanted friends, just like Alluka wanted friends. Nanika likes Canary. 

“Yay! Love Canary.”

“Oh…thank you, Nanika. And for what it’s worth, I promise to take good care of Alluka. And you, too. I won’t let you be hurt. I’ll make sure Alluka can see the whole world.”

“Alluka can see home?” Nanika smiles widely. Alluka and Canary can come meet the others! The others will be jealous that Nanika has two people who love Nanika so much. 

“What? No, Nanika…Alluka can’t go back. She wasn’t safe there. She wasn’t happy.” Canary suddenly looks desperate. 

What brought that on? Nanika wants Alluka to see home…oh, but Canary hasn’t seen Nanika’s home! Canary probably thinks home means that small room, not the wider world.

“Home not back there. Home out there. Alluka needs to find home.”

Nanika would worry that that doesn’t explain enough, but Canary relaxes. Canary understands, then? Good. 

“Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Home is where the heart is, right?” Canary smiles.

That doesn’t make sense, Nanika thinks. The heart is in the torso, with small bones around it to frame it. How can that be a home? But…that’s right, heart can also mean feelings . Canary thinks home means good feelings. 

“Home is love. Love Alluka. Love Canary, too.”

“Thank you, Nanika.”

Nanika lets Alluka talk after that. Being solid gets tiring after a while, and that was a lot at once. Besides, Alluka is nervous. Alluka should talk to Canary now — Canary has a way of making both of them happy.

Nanika is happy when it’s time to go shopping with Alluka and Canary. When they’re sneaking around alleyways or when they’re running in bright sun and crowded streets. And Nanika is very, very happy when they run into Killua again.

Alluka once read that there are different kinds of intelligence, and has experienced that firsthand in her life. 

Alluka was never as fast or strong as Killua — he was smart with how he understood movement, a practical kind of intelligence. Alluka didn’t have Milluki’s expertise with computers or technology, she didn’t have Illumi’s uncanny ability to pick out a person’s insecurities and weaknesses. 

Alluka and Nanika together are smart when it comes to people. Within that, they have their own strengths. Nanika has a perfect memory for names and faces, but she often has trouble retaining facts and numbers. It’s Alluka who keeps track of those things.

Alluka knows her room on Kukuroo Mountain has 182 toys of varying sizes and shapes. 73 board games and puzzles. 19 bottles of nail polish. 351 barrettes, scrunchies, and other hair accessories.

Alluka knows she can do exactly six cartwheels, probably seven but she’s never pulled it off as she’d hit the wall whenever she tried. Alluka knows she has four brothers, though she’s fuzzy about some of their ages. And Alluka knows she has not seen her closest brother, Killua, in over five years. 

Now that he’s standing right in front of her, Alluka doesn’t know what to say.

Should she be happy? Certainly, she’s missed Killua, and is glad to have her Big Brother close once more. But…why did he leave in the first place? Why was it Canary, who knew them for only a few months, and not their Big Brother who rescued Nanika and Alluka? 

Alluka can’t tell if it would be right to feel happy, or betrayed, or angry, but at the moment all she can do is worry. Because as soon as he saw her, Big Brother collapsed to his knees clutching his head. 

“Killua! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” shouts a boy at Big Brother’s side — a boy wearing a green jacket and shorts with spiky dark hair and kind brown eyes. 

Alluka feels an irrational spike of envy, even hatred, for the simple fact that this boy has been at Big Brother’s side when Alluka could not be. For the easy way this boy reaches out, sits at Killua’s side and tries to hug him — no, he’s trying to pry Big Brother’s hands away from his own head. Killua’s nails are drawing his own blood, Alluka realizes. 

“Big Brother? What’s going on?”

“Big Brother? You’re part of Killua’s family? Did you hurt him too?” the boy in green demands, looking angry. 

Alluka inhales sharply, angrier than she probably should be. If this boy knows Killua was hurt by their parents, why does he assume Alluka was an aggressor rather than another victim? But she can recognize how bad it looks that Big Brother collapsed to his knees at the sight of her, even if she herself has no idea why he did that. 

Alluka can’t tell what would be right. Should she try to help Big Brother, or give him space? Canary makes the decision for both of them, moving away from Alluka to Killua’s left side. Alluka moves to face him from the front.

“Big Brother, are you okay? What’s going on? What’s wrong? I’m not mad at you, I promise–” Alluka lies easily, “so please stop hurting yourself!” 

Big Brother stills for a moment, easing his hands away from his face. Alluka is relieved, but only for a moment — because she sees the dark look on Killua’s face, notices that he doesn’t make the sharp points to his nails go away, realizes this is nothing but a brief respite. And sure enough, Big Brother then cleaves his own head open , leaving blood to gush down his face and staining his white hair red. 

“Killua!”

“Big Brother!”

“Master Killua!” 

All three of them — Alluka, this strange new boy, and Canary — shout in alarm at the sight. A fair few passersby are now staring, too. That’s probably not good. 

“I’m okay,” Big Brother rasps, the first words Alluka has heard from him in years. 

His voice is lower, she realizes. Of course it is. He’s at least twelve now, so his voice would be different from when he was six. That’s normal. But it feels so weird, to the point where Alluka doesn’t immediately register what’s been said. When she does, though–

“You’re not okay! You’re bleeding! Like, a lot!” 

Why is this what Alluka chooses to say? She mentally kicks herself for not being more articulate. Whatever. She’s too overwhelmed to be eloquent right now, not that she’s ever been a good talker. 

“Yeah, but I’m better off without this.” Big Brother holds out his hand, revealing a single bloody needle. 

Was that…was that inside his head?

“One of Illumi’s needles?” says Canary, looking incredibly concerned. Alluka figures she’s probably got a similar expression on her own face. 

“He was…messing with my head, I think. I thought I kept hearing his voice because he was the one who trained me, but I…I forgot. I forgot about Alluka. Or, I forgot to worry about her. How could I do that?” Big Brother looks up at Alluka, his face full of tears. “How could I just leave you?”

And Alluka — any anger she might have had just melts away. Big Brother didn’t choose to leave her alone, to leave her behind, and that’s enough. 

“It’s okay. I still love you.”

And Alluka throws herself into her brother’s arms for their first hug in over six years.

“I love you too,” Big Brother whispers. 

They have to move, after that — the vendor from the booth nearby asks if they’re all okay, if he needs to call an ambulance. Privately, Alluka thinks this is a good idea, but Big Brother waves it off and instead asks about a bid. As fate would have it, he’d been trying to buy the same doll Alluka had wanted. Killua and Gon had in fact won, though the doll is now the last thing any of them are thinking about. 

Gon, the boy in green, suggests they talk over ice cream. Alluka agrees easily. Having something to hold and fiddle with might make this less uncomfortable. And so, the entire group awkwardly shuffles to a diner on the next block, attracting weird looks the entire way. 

They sit in a booth in the corner and all order sundaes, except Canary, who asks for a milkshake. Then, they’re all ready, and there’s no excuse not to talk.

“So…how did you get here? What’s happened? I want to know everything I missed.” Alluka smiles at her brother. 

They’re just sitting on opposite ends of a booth in a diner, but it feels like an insurmountable distance. 

Still, Big Brother opens up, bit by bit. He glosses over five years with nothing but a few sentences — he kept training, worked within the family business, and got sick of it. But the past few months are described in excruciating detail. 

Big Brother ran away from home, and apparently took out his anger on Milluki and Kikyo on the way out. Alluka has no grief about this, only slight guilt about the fact she doesn’t feel bad for her family when she probably should. Big Brother took the Hunter Exam, just for fun, but also as a way to spite their family. In doing so, he made his first friend, Gon. 

Alluka swallows the bitterness about the fact she didn’t count. She and Nanika are Killua’s sisters — that’s different from a friend you make on your own. Now that she has Canary, Alluka can understand that difference.

Big Brother met a lot of other people, but the ones he speaks about the most are Kurapika and Leorio, who he came to Yorknew to meet up with. He made a brief trip home after the exam, but for reasons he himself didn’t understand that were probably Illumi controlling him. Killua trained with Gon at Heaven’s Arena…here, Big Brother trails off, then clutches at his head. Alluka worries that it’s the head wound or the needle, but he blames it on a brain freeze from eating a fudge sundae too fast. 

Big Brother’s tale is out of order, disjointed, and somewhat confusing. But it is genuine, and real, and enough for Alluka to understand where her Brother is now. Killua is a Hunter, in spirit though by law as Illumi got him disqualified during the actual exam. Killua has friends, has someone he’d follow to the ends of the earth and an idea of home that doesn’t involve Kukuroo mountain. Killua has left the Zoldyck name behind. 

“I’m proud of you,” Alluka interrupts as Killua finishes talking about Whale Island. 

Big Brother suddenly blushes in a way that can’t be healthy — he’s already got a head wound, what if he loses more blood? 

“Why are you proud of me? Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

Alluka is confused by that notion, but continues her original point. “You left. All on your own, without any assurance that you’d find someone else to care for you or that you’d be able to protect yourself. You took a big leap, and it took real strength. Of course I’m proud of you.”

Big Brother scratches at his neck. “Seems like I should be saying that to you. Leaving was probably a lot harder for you than it was for me, yeah?”

“Not really,” Alluka lies. Then, more honestly, she elaborates: “I had help.”

And with that, Alluka clasps Canary’s hand under the table. Canary’s hands are cold and clammy from holding her milkshake, but it still feels reassuring. 

“Yeah, seriously, what happened there?” Big Brother gestures between the two girls with a spoon. “I didn’t think you two even knew each other, but suddenly you’re on the lam together?” 

Alluka opens her mouth, ready to tell the whole tale. Canary interrupts.

“Your parents made me her babysitter as a death sentence for insulting them and instead I kidnapped her.” 

Alluka is startled into laughing — she loves Canary’s sense of humor, snarky and deadpan and appearing in terrible moments. 

“You can’t tell the story like that!” Alluka still wails as a token protest. “Let me set the scene. So, there I was, trapped in my room and my own mind, all by my lonesome, when a knight in a shining velvet suit suddenly appeared…”

Despite the exaggerated beginning, Alluka then tells the story of their relationship in truth. At least, the truth as Alluka knows it. 

Alluka had expected she and Nanika would be hated and feared, or else taken advantage of. But instead, Canary had been so open and honest, patient and kind. Alluka talks about the little things, the movie nights and drawing sessions, as well as their big revelation the night they both left. 

“That reminds me, Killua. Did you know what I could do was a Nen ability?”

What Nanika can do, is what Alluka really means. But because she used Killua’s name, rather than calling him Big Brother, he should realize that. And regardless, Alluka and Nanika want to do all they can to understand their power. 

Big Brother, though, just blinks. 

“You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. Same for Illumi’s weird shape shifting. Actually, how did I never realize that?” 

“I guess your sister’s just a little smarter than you,” Canary smirks. 

Killua seems shocked that Canary is so openly taunting him. Probably, he’s not used to how sneaky Canary can be with jokes and barbs — he’s never seen her relax the way Alluka has. 

Alluka stares around the room — at the decades-old neon signs decorating the paint-shipped walls, the dirty tile floor, the water that’s collecting on the table from the cold of their ice cream cups — and thinks that she’s probably never been happier. 

Big Brother is right across from her, with someone that he loves close by. And Alluka has Canary right at her side, their hands linking them physically in addition to their emotional bond that has grown so much. Nanika, though still sleepy, is just awake enough to be buzzing with joy. 

Yes, Alluka thinks, turning her head to look at Canary, who’s snorting at the sight of Gon choking on a cherry stem. This is what it means to be happy.

Canary and Alluka get a room in the same building as where Killua and his friends have been staying in Yorknew — but on a different floor. This is partly because the rather shitty (but conveniently cheap) hotel(?) only has available rooms on the lower and louder floors, partly because Canary and Alluka have gotten very used to sleeping in each other’s company and have a silent agreement to share accommodations when possible, and partly so they can talk behind Killua’s back. 

“So, how do you feel about all this?” Alluka asks as soon as the door closes, beating Canary to the punch. 

It’s surprising, but also not. Canary has no reason to feel as strongly about this as Alluka does, but Alluka has a tendency to avoid dealing with her own worries by asking others — namely Canary — about their feelings instead. 

“About running into Killua? It’s a bit surreal, and a part of me is paranoid that this is all a trap. But I’m glad that he seems to be doing well, even if it’s strange to see him in a place like this. And I’m not really sure how to act around him. I’m not a butler anymore, so it’s not like I have to be polite to him, but at this point it’s hard-wired into my system.” Canary admits, not really thinking about her words. She’d rather just get an honest answer out so that then Alluka will answer in turn.

“What about you?”

Alluka bites her lip. 

“I don’t…I know I shouldn’t be mad. Especially now that I know the reason he didn’t come for me was just because he couldn’t , because of Illumi. But I still kinda resent him, for going out and seeing the world and making friends and doing everything I couldn’t. Back then, I mean,” Alluka hurriedly adds, giving Canary a concerned look. “I have you now, and I can go wherever I want. 

“And I know he wasn’t actually free, that he still had to deal with our family and that they clearly didn’t trust him or let him do what he wanted at all. And I’m proud of him for getting out! I am! I didn’t have the strength to push our parents away for the longest time, so it’s good that he did.”

Alluka takes a deep breath and stares at the floor. Then, sharply, she stomps forward — to the wall, then she turns around and starts stalking back to the door of the room. Pacing. 

“But I feel like even if we’re both out, we’re in totally different places. Dad just—he just let Killua leave. I don’t know why. I don’t trust that it was good. But how come Silva never had that level of faith in me? Why couldn’t I just leave? And I did, and it was the best thing I could have done, but it wasn’t a choice to stay there and I hate that! I hate that Big Brother has tons of money and friends and everything he wants and I just–I got out, but I feel like I’m the same person! I’m still a kid, I don’t know how to handle myself! I don’t know how to fight! I don’t know what I’m doing here at all!”

Alluka begins breathing very quickly. Canary goes to her side, wrapping one arm around Alluka’s shoulder in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. Alluka usually seems to find touch to be grounding. But Alluka still shouts, eyes teary. 

“And he knows Nen now, doesn’t he!? I hate that! I hate that he’s so much stronger than me! I hate not being able to do anything on my own! Or, well, not alone, but you get what I mean! I wanna be able to help Nanika!”

And oh, that had been a surprise, and not one Canary was very happy about. Killua left the Zoldyck estate in February not knowing anything about Nen, at least not consciously, but now he’s got a fully formed Ten and probably also knows Ren and Zetsu, since he’s not actively training with a teacher and the Hunter Association deemed his skills passable. Which, good for him and all, but it took years for Canary to learn all the basics and Killua picked it up in what? Six months? It’s not a good feeling. 

“Does it make you feel any better to know I’m jealous too?” Canary asks drily.

“Actually, yes. But why are you jealous? You’re so strong.” Alluka stares at Canary with wide eyes.  

Canary…Canary almost laughs at the absurdity of it. Alluka — or Nanika, more accurately — has the most powerful aura Canary has ever seen. Quite possibly the strongest in the world. But the conditions placed on the ability, and Alluka and Nanika’s lack of training in the basics of Nen, mean that they’re functionally defenseless under normal circumstances. Meanwhile, Canary technically has the training to defend herself, but realistically would never stand up to anyone even resembling a Nen master. 

“Strength is all relative, technically. But I’m not very strong at all, to tell you the truth. I’d never be able to beat Killua, let alone a Nen master.”

“Well, what does that matter? It’s not like you and Big Brother would ever have a reason to fight!”

You, Canary thinks, then promptly scolds herself for her own immaturity. Alluka isn’t a possession — she’s a person, one who is just now gaining freedom and agency after eleven years of life. If Alluka does choose to go with Killua, then that’s her business. 

“True enough,” Canary says, feeling a bit hollow as she does.

“Ugh! Whatever. I’m done being mad. I’ve heard anger is bad for your skin,” Alluka finishes jokingly. 

Canary merely smiles. She can’t really think of anything to say in response to that, though. 

“Uh…is there anything you wanna do tomorrow?”

Alluka lights up. 

“Yes! First, obviously I wanna spend time with Big Brother, we still gotta catch up and I wanna get to know his friends. After that, I wanna go sightseeing! Yorknew is one of the biggest cities in the world, it must be amazing!”

Canary smiles. 

“Come on, we can make a rough itinerary.”

This is a difference between them, Canary realizes. Alluka is a dreamer, someone full of ideas and energy and passion, so much that she struggles to think of ways to use it. Canary, on the other hand, is a realist through and through. She wouldn’t exactly call herself a cynic, but Canary has never been one to get her hopes up. 

What does Canary want to do in this city? Honestly, the only thing she can think of besides the auction is the sheer volume of amazing museums the city has to offer. She knows there’s one with an entire butterfly sanctuary — maybe Alluka would like that.

…and the best way Canary can think to spend their newfound freedom is at museums. Canary realizes that she herself is not a particularly adventurous person.

The next morning, the entire group gets brunch at a crowded cafe. This means Gon and Killua cram into one side of the booth, Canary and Alluka the other, and a grumbling Leorio pulls up a chair to the open side of the booth. 

“Kids these days, no respect for their elders,” he grumbles. 

“Apologies. Should I ask if they have a senior discount?” Canary says thoughtlessly. She didn’t want to offend anyone, and she realizes after a moment how insulting that probably was. 

Leorio does yell a bit in response, but despite all the bluster he doesn’t actually seem very upset, considering he calms down very quickly and begins making conversation anew. 

“I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to leave the Zoldycks.” 

Canary sets down her coffee at that. It’s a heavy subject, and frankly not one she thought Leorio would ask about. He’s more or less a stranger to her, so why ask? Still, Canary offers the closest thing she can to an explanation. 

“I found someone worth leaving for.” Canary can’t help it — she stares at Alluka out of the corner of her eye. 

Alluka is chatting eagerly with Killua, who, seated across from his sister and next to his new best friend, looks terribly at ease. Canary feels a pang of what she wishes weren’t jealousy. 

“What, so it wasn’t worth coming with Killua and the rest of us?” Leorio asks in a feux-offended tone. But even if he says it jokingly, there’s some degree of seriousness to the question. 

Realistically, Canary had no reason to. Aside from the fact the Zoldyck family would hunt her down and kill her the minute she deserted (and oh, that was the wrong thing to think about), she had no interest in being the fifth wheel in a group of already established friends. 

Canary voices none of this, however. Instead, she looks at Leorio and very, very slowly raises an eyebrow. 

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Leorio, predictably, gets mad, his entire face flushing red. 

“Oh, you little—no manners in any of you brats, huh?”

Alluka, who Canary hadn’t realized was paying any attention to the other conversation at the table, then turns to face Leorio, smiling angelically as though she hadn’t thrown an opened Splenda packet at her brother five minutes ago. 

“Sorry, Mister Leorio! I bet my brother’s given you a hard time, huh? He’s always been like that. Thanks for looking after him,” Alluka smiles. Canary would assume she’s being genuine, but Alluka has a decidedly mean look in her eye when Killua squawks in offense. 

Besides, Alluka has always been deceptively innocent-looking. As sad as it is to say, Canary might have never given the girl a chance had Alluka not appeared so sweet and, well, naive . How ironic, that Alluka did hide a sort of power behind her childish behavior, only a power not truly her own. 

Killua knows about Nanika, Alluka said so last night. Apparently Alluka doesn’t trust Gon or Leorio with that knowledge, though, so that’s off the table for conversation today. 

“So, what are you all gonna do for the rest of the auction?” Alluka asks eagerly. 

Canary feels a sudden pain in her chest. Too much coffee, probably.

“Well, we need to meet back up with our friend Kurapika — you remember him, Canary? The blonde with the cool robe?”

Canary can vaguely picture the person Gon describes, but doesn't really think on it. Her attention is turned to Alluka. 

“We’re also trying to make as much money as possible at the auction, so we can buy a copy of Greed Island! We need to play the game, it’s a clue Ging left us.” 

Canary either doesn’t know who Ging is, or else has forgotten the name within the last few minutes. 

“Do you two want to come with us?” Gon asks brightly. “If we can get the game, then we could all play together!”

And there it is. An invitation to go with Killua, for Alluka to stick with her brother. Canary doesn’t know what she wants out of life, only that she is frankly done following orders. Even something as innocuous as playing a video game just because Killua and his friend want to sits poorly with Canary.  And that’s illogical, because this is an invitation and not an order, but from Killua the two have blurred for Canary. Canary genuinely respects Killua, likes him even, but if she continues to follow him then how will she have changed her situation at all? Just new enemies, nothing good. 

But if Canary refuses to go with Gon and Killua, would she be able to stay with Alluka? Canary doesn’t think so. Alluka will choose her loved ones over all else, after all. After a while spent contemplating, Alluka finally moves to answer. 

“Hmmm…if Canary wants to, then so do I!” Alluka chirps. “I wanna stay with her, after all.”

And Canary…Canary is shocked. She didn’t realize Alluka would…it sounds awful, but Canary thought Alluka would always choose Killua in the end. Her blood brother, her oldest friend, her closest ally. Canary didn’t realize she’d become even more important to Alluka than Killua — that Canary would be Alluka’s pick if she had to choose a single person to be with. 

(Excluding Nanika, who’s always with Alluka, Canary reminds herself.)

Canary has never really been one for close relationships. She never knew her birth family, she fended for herself in Meteor City, her teachers at the Zoldyck estate rotated according to whoever had an opening in their schedule. Killua was the closest Canary came to a friend, and even then there was a gap between them that neither bothered to bridge.

But Alluka…Alluka became Canary’s first friend. The first person who really cared, who enjoyed spending time with Canary, who bothered to ask about and remember things like Canary’s favorite color (yellow) or food (caprese salad) or video game (Mario Kart, now that she’s played it).  The first person Canary can honestly say she loves.

“I’m not so sure, honestly. I’ve always wanted to travel, though. Maybe being a tourist is obnoxious, but until recently my world was pretty small. It’d be nice to see more of what’s out there.”

“Ooh, yes!” Alluka shouts loud enough that the waitress at the next table glares at them. Alluka smiles apologetically, then turns to Canary, beaming, and continues. “We should go all over the place! I wanna see the pyramids, and the World Tree, and everything else I read about. We’ll travel the whole world, even the stuff no one else has seen!”

Canary decides to let herself be swept up in Alluka’s enthusiasm. 

“And I can teach you Nen while we travel, and maybe one of us can figure out how to teleport so we can cut down on travel costs.”

“Yes! I’ll do it, teleporting would be so cool! And hey, if you’re gonna be my teacher, should we get you, like, glasses and a tweed jacket?”

“Sounds uncomfortable,” Canary laughs.

“So then, you two wanna stick together once we’re all done in Yorknew?” Killua asks. He’s smiling, but it’s a softer, sadder look than Canary and Alluka’s matching grins. 

“Of course,” Alluka beams. She grabs Canary’s hand, squeezing tightly.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Canary replies. 

Whatever comes next, they’ll face it together.