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He's 30.
Spencer Reid is 30 years old.
And for some reason, he's pretty horrified deep down. All the reasons why he should be happy on his birthday is outweighed by all of the reasons not to.
Schizophrenia is developed in mid to late 20s, and Spencer is now 30. He's not out of the woods yet, his headaches slowed down however, but... for him, it could be genetic. Women get diagnosed later in their lives than men, and⎯
Sighing loudly, he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to not think too much about it. Trying not to think. When has that ever worked out for him? His genetics isn't the only thing he's sad about on his damn birthday.
Spencer's job doesn't exactly let him be happy as much as he wanted to on his birthday, and the team forgot about it. Or missed it. He wasn't exactly hurt by it, maybe just a tad bit, but he understands. A lot has happened, and his birthday should be the least of their worries.
Besides, it's not like he wants to be reminded of it. Maybe that's not good, that's bad for his mental state, right? He's lonely, and doesn't want to be reminded of his birthday. Jesus, even he can tell how sad that sounds.
Spencer shakes his head at the thoughts flowing around his mind. He walks back to his apartment, climbing up the stairs, exhausted and ready for the day to end. The case they worked on went on for a week, and he's barely got any sleep. Actually, none at all. He blinks, thinking about the ending of the case. At least, they caught the guy.
He misses Ashley.
Spencer gets taken back at the sudden thought of her. Yeah, he misses her. A lot. He's only ever spent one of his birthdays with her, and he still remembers the way she wished happy birthday with her blue eyes creasing as she smiles softly. It's crystal clear in his mind. Maybe it's his eidetic memory, remembering the little things about her that day, but Ashley Seaver was like a woman you could never forget, eidetic memory or not.
"Wait, it's your birthday?" She raises an eyebrow as they walk out of the building. It was the first time they had ever been alone late night at the office. Ashley had lost track of time while studying at her desk while Spencer was working on his paperwork he told Hotch he could help with.
Spencer nervously chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not a big deal, and well, actually, it was my birthday this morning at 5:56 AM exactly." He smiles a little, feeling Ashley's stare on his face as they walk to the glass doors of the building's entrance. Ashley rolls her eyes playfully. "Well, happy birthday," she pulls to a stop, looking at Spencer with her light blue eyes.
He was fascinated by them. He's seen many blue eyes before, knows all about them, and how they're more sensitive to light. But Ashley's blue eyes were always... soft and calming in a way. Only if she wanted you to feel like that, and if she was interrogating a suspect or an UnSub, he could always see how they would flare in a different shade of blue, like an actually thunder. He never thought that possible. And maybe it wasn't, maybe it was his imagination and small crush on the blonde that made him think that.
"I'm giving you all the best birthday wishes in the universe right, Reid." She says in a joking tone, nudging the tall man a little. Spencer presses his lips in a line at the sudden physical contact, he resists the urge to touch where her shoulder brushed up against him and feels his face go flushed. He tucks his hands in coat pockets as he watches the night sky and their surroundings, scared the woman would see his pink cheeks under the moonlight.
"Wouldn't it be better if I wished for myself?" He can't help, but start to ramble, pinching his eyebrows together. Ashley raises an eyebrow at his words. "Well, according to Kinderfeste tradition, a wish could come true if a child, or in this case, me, blew out all of the candles in one breath, and of course, kept the wish a secret⎯ N-not that I don't appreciate the thought of you wishing for me, I'm quite flattered, it's just⎯ You're giving me that look when I'm rambling, I'm rambling aren't I?" Spencer was a flustered mess as Ashley laughs at his words. He bashfully looks away, scratching the back of his head as Ashley bites back a smile.
Spencer smile softly at the memory. Ashley always did a thing where she would bite back a smile in a way. Her eyes would lit up, and Spencer would always blush under its gaze.
He inhales sharply as he remembers how long it's been since he last saw her, talk to her. He guesses that's just the way things go. Or at least that's what he's been trying to tell himself. He swallowed back the sadness washing over him as he reminisces the blonde woman. Pulling out his keys, Spencer hears the weight of his shoes as they walk on the wooden floor to the door of his apartment, but it creaks loudly when he suddenly stops.
There's a package in front of his door.
A neatly wrapped package in brown paper with a white string tied around it.
He feels a pit drop down in his stomach as he goes through the possibilities of it being dangerous, like a bomb. Can you blame him, knowing the nature of his job? Spencer exhales slowly in relief when he sees a small card tied with the box. A wash of excitement, nostalgia, and longing comes over him when he sees a familiar handwriting.
TO S.W.R.
There's only one person who could write his name like that, and add his middle name. Spencer looks around the place, hoping to see a flash of blonde hair, but frowns a little when he doesn't. It's clearly hand delivered. Spencer slowly walks to his door and the box, reaching down for it, his fingers going under the white string to carry it to his chest. His hands smooth over it, hoping to feel the phantom of her touch somehow. He smiles sadly to himself for a moment.
She remembered his birthday.
He unlocks his door and gives one last glance around before entering his apartment, holding onto the box like it was treasure.
When he takes off his coat, places his bag and the box on the table, takes off his shoes, he can't help, but feel like the gesture of a gift was... cruel in a way. It had been approximately 212,917 days since they last properly spoke. On the phone. He remembered it being short, vague, and... sad in a way. Because it was a goodbye without even saying any words that indicted it was. Spencer rubs his eyebrow as he walks over the package, feeling mixed now.
One thing's for sure. He missed her.
Spencer furrows his eyebrows, taking the envelope off of the string, and opens it, but not before running his thumb down his signature letters Ashley wrote with her messy handwriting.
S.W.R.
He swallowed before looking over the letter. It was short he could already tell, so Spencer took his time reading word for word.
Dear Reid,
Happy birthday.
Blow those candles out in one breath, squeeze your eyes shut, and keep your wish a secret.
If anyone deserves a wish, it's you.
I'm sorry,
A.M.S.
Spencer's heart tugs at the bittersweet handwritten words, his eyes planted in those two words. I'm sorry.
Ashley could never her feelings directly, and... Spencer understood that. Goodbyes wasn't her strength, and that hurt him. But for her to write those two words, he knew it was hard, but he appreciated. He didn't deserve her apologies, she didn't need to apologize. But he knew, she would always do that for not loving him as much as he did. Or at least, that's what she thought. But Spencer always knew, and felt, her everlasting love and trust she rewarded him with.
If anyone deserves a wish, it's you.
He grabs the string, slowly pulling on it, letting to loose and fall. Spencer digs his nails into the tape holding the wrapper, ripping it softly, his eyes kept on the gift no matter what. When he unwraps it, it's still a box, now knowing it was plain white one, and he feels himself getting a bit more curious. What was it? When he opens it gently, the sound of unboxing echoing throughout his apartment, his eyes lit up as a laugh slips his lips.
A snowglobe. A Doctor Who snowglobe.
He moves the sheets covering it and takes it out with a beaming smile. Spencer had always remembered the small things about people, what they liked, what they talked about, it was rare for him to have that himself. But he had that with Ashley, still did. Because she actually listened to him. Even when she seemed like she didn't want to, or was too annoyed to. He lets his fingers run over the snowglobe that had a mini version of the iconic police box, tilted and planted in the fake snow. And when he feels a small button on the back of the bottom, Spencer feels his heart flutter at the feature. He pressed on it, and the police box lit up from inside, just like how he felt right now.
Spencer chuckles and shakes his head to himself. Thanks, Ash. He thinks he says that in his head, but only the walls and bookshelves of his home hears him say it out loud.
It's a small gesture, but it meant a lot to him. Because without even knowing how not so good he felt on his birthday, Ashley sent a special gift to him that made it better than all of the days he's had so far.
There was always something about Ashley Seaver that made Spencer Reid's heart surrender.
People would think this may have been the first gift he had ever received from her, but it definitely wasn't. At least, not physically.
Getting to love and be loved by Ashley Seaver was more than a gift. It was a piece of yourself you could always feel in your best moments. And dark ones too.
So, when JJ comes over a couple months later, spots the snowglobe on his bookshelf, on the section of where he kept his favourite books, she'll ask who it was from, and Spencer will to think to himself for a moment before saying, "A gift from another gift."