Chapter Text
“I love you,” Link had said, his voice clear as day, but that one thing was something he could only say to this sage. Because one thing Link feared more than confessing to Sidon was what his response would be.
Little did Link know that those three simple words would change the course of King Sidon’s life for good.
King Sidon of the Zora may have been one for dramatics. However, he felt he was completely in the right to be, as Yona would say, screaming and crying and throwing up. Which he wasn’t!
He was, however, bashing his skull into his own statue.
His life was in shambles. Nay, it was over and he was a terrible friend!
“My King,” Muzu grimaced in exasperation. Sidon’s head made a noticeable indent against one of the stabilizing bricks. “What on earth are you on about?!”
Sidon could only respond by moaning in dismay, for when he closed his eyes he could see a glimpse of where Link was. Sandy dunes surrounded the little Hylian and he had…taken his shirt off.
His shirt was off.
Oh Hylia, his shirt was off!
“I am doomed,” Sidon bemoaned, and behind him he heard Yona sighing. Because of course she knew everything. She always knew everything. She was a blessing in disguise and Sidon did not know how he could even function without her. But he desperately, desperately wanted to simmer in his angst on his own.
“Sidon, my love, did something else happen?” Yona asked, leaning to the side.
Sidon made a whining noise.
“Sidoooooon?” Yona intoned again, poking his shoulder. Sidon muttered the confession unintelligibly, but as he contemplated how pathetic he appeared. A king. Of the Zora. Concussing himself and whining in the name of love. “Honey, I can’t understand you if you mumble–”
“LINK LOVES ME!” Sidon rocked his head back and shrieked. It was at that precise moment that not only was he creating a public spectacle, but he had amassed an audience. An audience of several alarmed-looking Zora as well as his own council. “Uh–”
“Well, obviously,” Yona crossed her arms, “I could have told you that.”
“B-but,” Sidon was embarrassed by the wagging of his own tail. His eyes felt like they were going to pop out of his head, “He’s so alone and he said he loves me and I can’t reach him and–!”
“Sidon, my boy!” Father interjected, marching merrily down the stairs like it was a cheerful sunny day where nothing could go wrong. He grinned brightly, completely oblivious to Sidon’s inner turmoil, “I heard some ruckus, are you alright?”
“Oh!” Sidon jumped, “Father–!”
“Link and Sidon are in love,” Yona immediately tattled, leaving Sidon so frozen and speechless that all he could do was stare up at his father when the Exalted Dorephan also froze, staring at Sidon with huge eyes.
Massive eyes.
Sidon was sure he would become a filet-o-fish at that precise moment. So he was caught completely off guard when Father delightedly gasped, “Yes!”
“W-what?” Sidon choked on his own spit.
“Yes!” Father pumped his fists into the air, then erupted at a volume Sidon hadn’t known in ages, “YEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!”
“Dorephan!” Muzu gasped in offense, covering his ears. “What on earth are you–?!”
“I have been waiting for YEARS for you to come out!” Father cheered again, rattling Sidon’s very bones as his own father bounced with giddy delight. “And to welcome Link into the family! Oh, Son, I am so happy right now!”
“F-Father!” Sidon shrieked, “I am married!”
“And you have two hands!” Father gestured as both Sidon and Yona. The man was so happy, he was weeping. And more people were amassing. “This is wonderful!”
“Dorephan,” Muzu barked, but Father was ignoring him.
“Oh, you must go to Link at once!” Father clasped his hands together and he looked as though he were visibly swooning, “Confess your love! Let your hearts soar!”
“Dorephan, he is the king!” Muzu barked again, gesturing loosely at Sidon, “He can’t leave his post!”
And thus, Sidon was whining again; breaking out into the original source of his hysterics. Because he couldn’t. Leave. The Domain. To resolve this.
“Oh, Yona and I could take care of things!” Father puffed his chest out as if that solution fixed everything. In retrospect, it did, but Yona was starting to nervously laugh as if she feared the very concept and Muzu looked as though he were about to suffer a stroke.
“Ah, yes. Yona,” Muzu grunted, “Your daughter-in-law. Whom you arranged for Sidon to marry!?”
Father paused, looked down at Sidon, then glared skeptically at Muzu, “I didn’t arrange their marriage.”
Sidon felt his mouth fall agape, “Yes…yes you did.”
“No!” Father retorted defensively, “I just said that you and Yona would be cute together! And then you took her on a date! And you kept moping for weeks going on and on about how you loved her and she was too pretty for you and you would never make her happy until she told you to pull it together ! And then you did! And you married her! And here you are! You’re cute together!”
Sidon still could not keep his lips from wobbling, because while his father’s support was appreciated, he was not at all helping the situation at hand. And poor Link…he was all alone and Sidon didn’t know how to help! Or comfort him! Or anything! If only he could find a way to reach out to Link through their connection. Through their vow. Oh for the love of Hylia, Sidon pledged an entire vow to Link and he never resolved this matter and now Link was all alone and he was sad!
“You know,” Yona said thoughtfully, and though she may have been on a completely different wavelength from Sidon and all of the other Zora present, she came up with a phenomenal idea: “What if you learned how to control your Sage?”
The threat of the Gibdos had been subdued for now, and while all of Gerudo Town celebrated their victory, Link still found himself drinking to ignore his feelings.
Downing another cocktail, Link slammed his face against the bar and politely requested another one, and yet Buliara had to once again point out his feminine hips: “Are you old enough to be drinking?”
Belching, Link was just drunk enough to glare up at the woman and femininely snapped, “I’m twenty-seven!”
(He wasn’t)
(But he was too tired and too drunk to count how many years it had been since he woke up in that damned Shrine of Resurrection.)
(He was twenty-eight.)
(Nobody was going to tell him that. Nor was anybody going to tell him that he also fucked Revali at some point before the Calamity)
(Unbeknownst to Link, Zelda was ready to take that knowledge with her to her giant wormy grave until he jogged his own memory, and honestly that was probably a good thing.)
“...Huh,” Buliara grunted, crossing her arms, “Well, don’t be hungover tomorrow, Riju will want to debrief you on the mural she found first thing in the morning.”
Hiccuping, Link raised his glass and slammed his face back against the bar table as the old lady at the counter fixed him another drink. He was personally offended that she slid him water. “I don’t need–”
“I only ever see my fellow vai this distraught,” the old woman barked, “And it’s typically over a voe. So spill it, young man.”
“There’s–” Link belched again. Damn, he was vocal today. It was probably because he was drunk and gay (it was just because he was drunk). “There’s nothing to spill but my drink and my piss!”
The old woman stared menacingly at Link, then slowly reached out towards his cocktail glass to grab it and pull it back to her. He caught the motion on the delay, yelped, then reached out to swipe the glass back into his possession, hugging it to his face.
“No, it’s mine,” Link muttered, resting his whole face on the straw as he searched for it with his lips, “My emotional support drink.”
“Seven Heroines, you are drunk,” the woman scowled, “Not a good look for the Hero, you know.”
“Mmmmmmnot a Hero,” Link felt tears clinging to his eyes as he slurped loudly on his fruity drink. Because he was fruity. A big ol giant piece of fruit. Like a berry. Or a Hearty Durian. Speaking of, where the fuck did all the Hearty Durians go?! “I’m just a man.”
“Well, you better spill the beans on whoever has your heart or you’ll never–”
“I’m not a hero!” Link honked, his mind derailing towards a song now stuck in his head. He couldn’t remember where he heard it before, “I’m just a boy! WHO HAD TO SING THIS SONG–!”
“You’re done after that drink,” the woman stated, and Link could only silently weep in defense. It wasn’t his fault he was gay! This was fucking homophobic! Because! A society of mostly lesbians and bi women was…homophobic. That didn’t make sense but–
Oh, who was he kidding?! He was gay, gay, Capital G-GAY and he was in love with a fish!
A fucking fish!
Who was married!
And was probably fucking his wife dutifully and joyfully at this very moment!
Link was on the verge of bursting into drunken tears as he continued slurping on his liquor, so the fact that the ring on his index finger started blinking out of mcfreaking nowhere left him groaning. When the bright blue holographic sage appeared to his right, Link had half a mind to throw the glass through Sidon’s big dumb head.
“Are you sure this will work?” Sidon asked, watching Yona skeptically as she gathered every pillow and blanket she could acquire in the palace. Which wasn’t a lot, but it was shockingly more than Sidon expected.
She was building a blanket fort, and he had yet to figure out why.
“I saw this in a stage play once!” Yona grinned with a particular skip in her step, “It was about this boy in an iceberg and he had to astral project from his body to commune in the spirit world!”
Sidon stared at his wife, because some days he wondered which one of them carried the brain cells in the relationship. He always assumed it was her, but then things like this happened and he was ashamed to admit that he occasionally doubted her methods. Especially when said methods came from…stage plays and romance novels about ice barbarians and tentacles. He had to give her credit though, she could find the most imaginative tales! “But why the blanket fort?”
“Oh!” Yona grinned, “That’s so I can nap while you enter a deep meditative trance.”
Sidon still wasn’t completely following: “So…how do I do that?”
Yona paused, giving Sidon a beautifully vacant smile as her head tilted ever so slightly to the side. Blinking several times, she said, “I don’t actually know.”
….this was getting ridiculous. “Yona–”
“Oh! I know!” Yona jumped, spinning around and racing to the small kitchen. She rummaged through several objects, generating loud clanking objects as she dug out a pot and a pan. Smiling ear to ear, her eyes twinkled so brilliantly to explain, “Paya showed me this trick when I was in Kakariko last! You need to use rhythmic vibrations to soothe the mind. Now close your eyes!”
“Yona, I don’t know if–”
“Close your eyes!” Yona snapped more diligently, so Sidon complied. For heaven’s sake, she seemed more invested in his relationship with Link than their own marriage at this point. But…then again, she had mentioned that the sooner he stopped pining, the sooner she could get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. So there was that.
Sidon took a deep breath, not entirely sure what to think. He just knew that whenever his eyes slipped closed or his mind dared to wander, he would see images of that beautiful little Hylian who stole half of his heart. So that was where the whole premise of meditation came into play. At least from Yona’s factory of ideas–
Yona banged the pot and pan together so violently that it rattled Sidon’s very bones. He reflexively shrieked and opened his eyes, and he found Yona devilishly grinning as she continued to smack their cookware together so loud it shook the whole palace!
“YONA!” Sidon snapped, “What are you doing?!”
“Well, we don’t have a gong, so,” Yona shrugged. She looked absolutely manic and the twinkle in her eye was a tad bit frightening now. “I’m trying to relax you! Is it working?”
“No!!” Sidon leaned back on his hands in disbelief, “Yona, we cook with those!”
“No,” Yona corrected, “Link cooks with these. When he’s here. Which hasn’t been very often since the Upheaval. Which is odd, you said he used to come by all the time, are you sure you told him about me?”
Sidon stared at his wife as his beautiful wife stared back at him, and he was right to believe that his own lapse in memory was precisely what put him in this situation in the first place! “No, Yona. I am not sure. Now, I don’t think replacing a gong with a pot and pan is going to help me meditate!”
“Well, fine,” Yona grumbled back, snarling at the ground as she returned the tools where they belonged, “You’re a terrible cook anyway.”
“Thank you, Yona–”
“And your sodium intake is going to make your blood pressure even worse with all this pent up anxiety.”
“Thank you, Yona,” Sidon sighed, inhaling deeply for a cleansing breath as he closed his eyes again.
“What if we used your whistle–?” Yona started, and Sidon clasped his hand tightly over the whistle in question on his chest. She pouted, stopping in the middle of the living room just to glare at him, so Sidon stood on his knees to reach out to her and yank her forward.
“Just come here,” Sidon huffed, pulling Yona down onto the ground until her head was in his lap. Immediately, the gentleness of her touch put his mind and his heart at ease, and Sidon could feel the tension leaving his shoulders as he dared to smile, “You’re all I need to stay focused, my love.”
“Awwwww,” Yona purred as Sidon smoothed down her scales. It always amazed him at just how much she could soothe him by her embrace and her warmth alone. When she wasn’t being a gremlin, that is. “Well, if this doesn’t work, I’ll at least get to take a great nap.”
Sidon found himself chuckling as his eyes slipped closed. Once again he could see the back of Link’s head. He was slumped forward against a table. Slowly yet surely, the volume of Link’s surroundings echoed in Sidon’s ears. It was the same as all his other previous experiences. Slowly, Sidon’s surroundings would fade away until he was enveloped in the warmth of Link’s. Everything always had a bluish tinge to it, reminding Sidon that he was not really there. However, the more Sidon examined Link’s location, the more he wished that he was.
“Oh great!” Link spat, his head rolling sloppily backwards as he glared tearfully in Sidon’s direction, “What’re you doing here?!”
Sidon didn’t quite know who Link was talking to at that moment, but he could almost smell the liquor on Link’s breath. Had he been drinking? He must’ve been, for the noise around Link grew louder and clearer until Sidon recognized the surroundings of the bar. Gerudo swarmed the tavern Link was in, and as Sidon took note of the bartenders, servers, and other patrons, he wondered if Link was in Gerudo Town itself.
How did he get into that city? Honestly, it was quite impressive and Sidon could only imagine that it was due to the splendor of Link’s talents and the valor of his heart. Obviously! No other reason!
“Link!” a woman’s voice echoed, catching Sidon’s attention as he turned his head. The power of his Sage seemed to only move as Link moved. It only reacted to what Link reacted to. Occasionally, he could feel his muscles flinch on reflex as his Sage tackled an enemy sneaking up on Link. But otherwise, Sidon felt as though he had little to no control of his movements. However, as the bluish tinge of the Gerudo woman slowly faded to clear-as-day candlelight illuminating the Gerudo Chief’s face, he began to wonder if ‘deep meditation’ was the way to go with this. “Are you alright? The hostess said you’ve been singing to yourself.”
“Shuddup–!” Link hiccuped, nearly falling out of his chair, “I’m gay!”
Link fell off his chair and splattered against the floor, and he found himself staring up at Riju who wore a worried frown.
“Is this about the fish?” Riju asked.
“I knew it was a voe!” the bartender cheered.
Link’s eyes and nose were leaking, “Riju, I don’t know what to dooooooooooooo!”
Riju stared blankly down at Link, though her face was not nearly as blank as the giant blue holographic fish was behind her. Fucking. Fucking fish!
“Well,” Riju noted pointedly, “I kind of need you to help me navigate the Sand Shroud. That would be something to do–”
“But! But Riju!” Link sloppily scrambled to his hands and knees. He was blubbering and he would surely be humiliated come morning, but in that moment he didn’t fucking care. He was gay and devastated and his love life was in shambles. “Riju, he’s married and he’s pretty and–!”
“And he has two hands, big deal,” Riju shrugged, reaching out to help Link up as he merely swatted her away, “Come on–you’re making a scene and I’ve already had to bail you out of prison once. Don’t–”
“NO!” Link swatted again, teetering to the side until he fell against a bar stool that was surprisingly sturdy enough to help him stand. He felt wobbly. And the room was spinning. And Sidon’s Sage was right fucking there and Link couldn’t do shit about it. It merely stared into his soul, and Link was such a devastated wreck that all he could think to do was react. He already ate his feelings, drank his feelings, and allegedly sang his feelings (he didn’t remember that part), so all that was left to do was throw his feelings against a wall. Or in this case, through a holographic image of Sidon that would disappear upon impact until said feelings hit the wall.
But Link’s feelings weren’t tangible, so he grabbed the nearest shot glass and chucked it right at Sidon’s big fat derpy head.
“I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Link screamed, “NOW LEAVE ME ALONE–!”
The glass soared as Link threw out his elbow. Then it promptly bonked against Sidon’s head, knocking the sage off balance as it fell backwards with a completely blank expression. The way its body flailed vaguely reminded Link of how damaged Sidon’s pride was when he got swallowed by that Like Like in the Water Temple, but there was no frantic bitching or uncharacteristic swearing. Just a blank expression as the blue Sage fell backwards, and then disappeared as the glass shattered on the floor at its feet.
Huh. Well, that’s never been tangible before.
“Okay!” Riju threw her hands up with a frustrated hiss, then swooped forward to grab Link by the arm and physically drag him out of the bar, “You’re done.”
“B-but–” Link sniveled, pointing to where Sidon’s Sage had been.
“I said you’re done,” Riju scolded, and she blatantly ignored Link’s tearful whines as she dragged him all the way back to her living quarters before tossing him on the sleeping bag set out on her floor.
Sidon hadn’t expected a shot glass to come flying at his face, but he really hadn’t expected it to knock him backwards.
“AH–!” Sidon yelped, falling onto his back until he opened his eyes again. He was in his home, staring up at the ceiling as a startled Yona sat up. And his head was throbbing. “O-ow…”
“Sidon?” Yona asked as Sidon found himself rubbing a growing bump on his head. How the repetitive impacts to his head from earlier hadn’t left a mark was a mystery to Sidon. But as his fingers palpated a noticeable welp forming along the bridge of his snout, it slowly occurred to Sidon that the shot glass had actually hit him.
Which meant it touched him.
Which meant…if only for a moment, when the surroundings of the tavern became as clear as day, he had been tangible.
He had been corporeal.
If Link had wanted to, he could have reached out and taken Sidon’s hand. And it would have been nearly the same as Sidon’s hand.
A smile spread across Sidon’s lips as laughter bubbled out of him, but as Yona fussed over the mysterious bruising forming on his face, he could only giggle, “Yona, I think it worked.”