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Regulus had felt like he owned a permanent furrow in his brow everytime he was near James Potter’s presence. Even hearing him from a long distance gave the younger boy a migraine for the most of the day. Even his name whispered within the dead of night made his skin crawl and goosebumps to raise off his skin.
When he’s usually asked about these feelings towards the Potter boy, ninety percent of the time he’s nice and says the older boy simply annoys him. Annoys him being the nicest way in Regulus’ mind to phrase the constant urge to strangle the boy when nearby.
Yet, today of all days, James had decided to be as close as possible to him during their shared transfiguration lesson. The boy had been flailed on his desk, resting his head on the crook of his elbow leaving a few rowdy curls to lie comfortably on Regulus’ arm. His round glasses were pushed against his cheek bone leaving a small indent from the force on his sun kissed skin.
His other hand, however, had still been steadily taking notes of everything McGonagall had said and still managed to write his notes extremely disorganized as always. He raised his pen lightly in thought before placing the tip of it between his lips.
Regulus’ eyes focused for a second solely on the way James' lips encompassed the pen before forcing himself to look away.
It had to have been the heat or some other reason for why Regulus’ body was acting differently than usual. Why else would his heart be going crazy if not for a small heat stroke?
The boy was completely and utterly infuriating him.
Regulus attempted to keep his focus on the board, yet his eyes quickly diverted to James' pen once more with the hopes that James didn’t notice.
James noticed.
“Note taking is always easier when paying attention,” James mumbled quietly with a small smirk, “but if you would like to keep staring, by all means keep doing so. I know I’m irresistible,”
“Piss off, Potter,”
“Ouch, these mixed signals are starting to hurt more and more,” James cooed, “just admit it,”
“Admit what?”
“How much you want me,”
Regulus choked on air, coughing a few times before sputtering out a response, “I would never, Potter! The most I’d ever want you is drowning in the black lake for eternity!”
James tapped his lip twice with the pen, immediately catching Regulus’ eyes on the now obvious spot, before leaning forward, “I can tell you’re struggling here, Reggie,”
“Struggling, as if!”
“You keep saying that, yet, your body’s saying something different,”
“I didn’t know bodies could talk, Potter,”
James chuckled under his breath before pulling his entire frame away from Regulus and leaned on the other side of his chair to fully take in Regulus appearance, “If only you could see what I’m seeing right now,”
Regulus’ shoulders tensed for a moment before trying to release the tension, “And what do you see,”
“I see a beautiful boy not realizing that if he doesn’t pay attention in this class, he has no hopes of ever beating my marks,”
Regulus froze, face heating up quickly at dangerous rates before it burned into anger. His body raised from the seat to be able to stare down at the boy as if he were superior, “As if! You know as well as I do that I am better than you academically and am beating your scores in every other subject, you absolute dickhead,”
The classroom had stilled into a silence at the sudden outburst, yet Regulus’ attention was solely on how James’ smirk twitched into a soft smile sending the Black boy’s mind haywire.
His mouth opened as more words formed on his tongue of various degrees but the clearing of a throat caused him to clamp it shut once more, “Mr. Black, is there a reason you feel like cursing James Potter instead of paying attention to my lesson?” Professor McGonagall interrupted the conversation with a frown, the stress lines in the crease of her eyes even more noticeable now.
Feeling ashamed for his loud and boisterous anger, Regulus snatched his gaze from James’ smile to the Professor with a sheepish expression, “No, Professor. I apologize,”
Glancing between the two of them, Professor McGonagall crossed her arms sternly, “Five points from Slytherin. I want to speak to both of you after the lesson,”
“What? I didn’t even do-,”
“Both of you,” She interrupted with a hand, “Understood,”
“Yes Professor,”
The boy had lowered himself quickly back onto the seat without a smidge of grace and attempted to hide himself from his peer’s prying eyes, yet he could still feel the way James’ smile burned a hole into his spine.
James was truly the embodiment of the sun. He was warm and gentle in all the best ways, yet, when too close sends your skin sizzling. Regulus had often found himself yearning to reach out, to warm the ice that took over his once warm and loving heart. But he refused to get burned. He refused to be that vulnerable as it meant that James would have the power to destroy him over and over.
Instead of giving into the warmth, the two were in a constant war with one another. A war of great destruction and tension that never claimed a victor and a loser.
The great war had probably dragged on this long because of its one-sided nature. Despite the violence in their war, James had never held any real malicious feelings towards Regulus. No, the glasses bearing boy had just simply enjoyed the rise he could entice. He loved the challenge, Regulus loved the violence of it all. The violence of their fight at least allowed him to feel anything other than the overbearing loneliness.
Each time, Regulus would still head into the battle head first awaiting a different result. He might be insane for it, but despite the awareness, he still craved it and took the bait each and every time.
When the lesson had finally finished after a half an hour, James and Regulus had clambered down towards the front of the classroom with matching expressions of bashfulness. Yet, it wasn’t until the last straggling student had left that the Professor began her lecturing, “These interruptions during lessons need to end,” She spoke with a stern expression, “You two need to put an end to this disagreement and fight,”
“I don’t do a thing, Minnie-”
“I know you rile him up, Mr. Potter,” She rolled her eyes, “I’m not a fool,”
Regulus’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her admission, “So if you notice, Professor, then why do you let it happen? It’s quite distracting to not only myself but my peers,”
“Because your bickering is something that needs to be solved between the two of you,” She explained, “Which is why today you’re going to work this fight out while writing lines,”
Regulus scoffed in anger, “You can’t force us to, Professor.”
“Good thing you two don’t have a choice. Think of this as a warning punishment if you two ever disrupt my class again.” She smirked faintly, “You two will write “I will not disrupt the lesson” for the next hour and a half on two pieces of parchment,”
“What?”
“Minnie no!”
“Goodbye boys,”
The door had shut behind her with a thundering click leaving the two in an unbearable silence. Yet neither had moved away from where they had been left as they were in shock.
The shock didn’t last long though, as the two could never have too long of a moment in peace with the other nearby.
“You know, if you would just leave me alone during lessons we wouldn’t be in this situation, dickhead!”
“Well if you didn’t stare at me all the time I would!”
“I don’t stare at you!” Regulus scoffed, “You’re insane!”
“Obviously you are as you cannot remember something that happens every single day!”
“You wish I was staring at you!”
“Absolutely not, now you really are insane!”
Regulus teeth bared in anger as he stepped closer, “Says you, you don’t get attention for a single second and cause a scene wherever you go,”
“Isn’t that rich, Mr. Black?” James sneered, stepping closer as well so that they were chest to chest, “Last I checked, the whole reason you bicker with me is because you know that no matter what you do, I will still be better than you in this class,”
“No it’s not!”
James cocked an eyebrow mockingly, “It isn’t?”
“No it isn’t,”
Their eyes locked, a battle of watercolor blues and honey browns. It was a beautiful battle of dominance, yet, each one of them respectively found themselves too enchanted by the other to notice it entirely.
James cleared his throat, forcing his eyes downward as he pulled out his parchment, “Let’s just get the lines done, Regulus,”
James Potter never backed down first. If anything he always egged everything on tenfold.
As James pulled out a piece of parchment and that damned pen, Regulus still couldn’t figure it out. He couldn’t figure out why the boy cut their bickering short or why he was so willingly completing the task Professor McGonagall assigned them. Nothing about this was normal.
“Why’d you end it early?” Regulus couldn’t help but wonder aloud, “You never end it first,”
“Drop it,”
“No, why’d you do it?”
James sighed, placing down his pen before looking up at the boy exasperatingly, “Don’t get me wrong, I love how we can go toe to toe and there’s never a clear winner,” He explained, taking a brief pause midway, “But sometimes I just don’t feel like arguing all the time,”
“What?”
“Nevermind, forget it,”
Regulus sat down in the chair in front of the other boy with an emotionless expression, “Don’t stop now,”
James’ eyes reached Regulus’ once more, re-entering their dance of colors, “I just have a lot going on right now and don’t have the energy,” The watercolor eye boy nodded briefly before ushering him to go on. “No, Regulus, I’m not just going to vent to you cause we’re stuck in here,”
“Why not?”
“Because, no-,”
Regulus reached out, placing his hand on James’ in order to give him the space to vent. Yet, he was momentarily distracted by the way his hand warmed his even on the slightest touch. Retracting back in shock, he went to place his hands on his lap instead yet was dragged back in by the sun.
“My dad’s sick,” James whispered, looking down, “He’s older than most and it’s dragon pox,”
“Oh,”
His voice broke slightly, “I mean, I knew one day it’ll happen but it feels sooner than it should’ve been,”
“He’ll be fine, Potter,”
James shook his head lightly, a sad laugh leaving his chest, “I want to believe that, I really do. But the doctors had already admitted that it’s not much longer,”
“I’m sorry,” Regulus looked down, not knowing how to comfort the other boy, but also not wanting to leave him in silence.
“It’s fine,” He mused, squeezing Regulus’ hand as well, “Now that we’re feeling dumping, do you have anything you want to get off your chest?”
“Of course not,” Regulus denied quickly, but when he noticed the other boy’s genuine expression he gave in, “Mother and Father named me the Black heir ever since Sirius left,”
“Oh,” James nodded, “Are you happy about it?”
“No,”
Regulus clenched his fist at the admission. Despite being true, he’d never actually voiced what he felt about it or wanted as no one truly cared about it before.
“Well, what do you want?” James questioned as if he could read Regulus’ thoughts.
“What do I want?”
“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?”
What did he want?
He knew he wanted a lover at some point. Someone to hold him while the sun set and braid his hair as they watched the stars. He also knew he wanted to be a successful potioneer and make a name for himself outside of his birthright.
But he also knew deep down he wanted his brother back. He wanted Sirius to come love him again like they’d used to. He wanted his parents to be kinder and loving instead of cruel. He wanted the violence to turn to gentleness, yet that wasn’t possible.
“I want a normal life,” Regulus decided on the easiest way to phrase it, “I want to be a potioneer with a house up in france. Maybe live there with a lover and a cat? I also want a better relationship with my brother so he could visit and call my cat his niece or nephew.”
James chuckled softly, “Sirius would be the best uncle to your cat,”
“He’d probably make fun of it for something,” Regulus jokes, “He’s got a primary school bully uncle vibe,”
“A primary-school bully vibe?”
The two laughed boisterously at the admission.
“Yes! He would make fun of my cat! He always did with my toys!”
“Did he really?”
“Mhm, Sirius is a class A bully,”
James had laughed even harder to the point where tears burned the corners of his eyes replacing the sadder ones from before. He wiped his eyes with a fond smile, “Thank you, Regulus,” He spoke, “I needed that laugh, truly,”
“I think in an odd way, I did too,”
“You know, Regulus,” James spoke, “If you want that to happen, you and Sirius should probably work out your differences,”
“Probably, but he hates me,”
James squeezed Regulus hand and spoke in his usual tone of honesty, “Sirius could never hate you Reg. He loves you more than anything,”
“Really?”
“Truly,”
They fell into a silence once more before Regulus broke it with a whisper, “I hope your dad gets better despite the odds,”
“I do too,” James smiled sadly, but smiled nonetheless.
McGonagall smiled gently, interrupting the moment with a slight wince, “I see you two worked out your differences,”
Instead of denying it or getting loud, the two boys shared an understanding look, “Yeah, I guess we did,” James nodded.
Opening the door behind her for the two, she nodded briefly, “Well I’d hate to keep you two here any longer,”
Without needing a second order, the two boys quickly left the classroom and entered the corridor in silence. Neither wanting to leave, but neither knowing how to stay.
“I’ll see you later, right?” James offered out first, always the brave one of the two of them.
Regulus’ lips quirked into a small smile, one that wouldn’t be noticed unless someone was close by, “Maybe,”
The two allowed soft laughter to fill the air before bidding goodbye to one another quietly and going their separate ways.
They weren’t fully healed or got over all their differences yet.
But, they would be.
Turning around slightly midstep, Regulus found himself catching James’ figure doing the same on the other end of the corridor, “Try not to stare at me too hard next time, Black,” He smirked mischievously.
“As if, Potter,”