Chapter Text
She felt numb.
Isolated from the world.
Breathe , she thought to herself.
She took a breath.
She breathed out.
Again
Inhale, exhale
Ok good, there you go
She breathed in,
Breathed out again
Alright, I can breathe,
That’s good.
She opened her eyes.
She couldn’t see much at first, her vision was blurry, both because of a bright light that was hitting her and the tears that filled her eyes. She tried blinking a few times to focus. She saw pieces of debris all around her, her arms covered in it.
She wanted to move.
As soon as she tried to, the pain struck her like a bolt of lightning.
She couldn’t move. She was stuck.
Something was crushing down her whole body.
She tried to free herself, but her body felt paralyzed, as if her every muscle was drained of energy, leaving her body still, for death’s sake.
I… have to- free-
That was her one and only goal right there. Cramble out of here, out of the pressure that was pushing on her bones before it would kill her.
She pushed with all remnants of energy she had. Extending her arms forward she tried to crawl out of this place. Whatever this “place” was.
The pain that followed when she finally managed to move was burning and already giving her nausea. She tried to hold her scream in. Tears were falling down her cheeks and her breath was becoming heavy.
I… have to… get… out!
The sharp pieces of debris stabbing her from beneath were only making it harder. Her whole body was in unbearable pain. She clenched her teeth and kept her eyes firmly closed.
She had to get out, at all cost, whatever it would take, she needed to get out of this crushing pain and be free!
She was so close.
One of her legs got stuck between the pieces of debris. She sobbed, trying to free it from another angle and be done with it.
When she finally did, she fell down and got stung by sharp pieces of cement. Just when she thought it was over, another kind of pain began to torture her.
She groaned and her tears blurred her vision yet again. The light hit her eyes with all force, blinding her at first. She was breathing heavily, wheezing, finding it hard to get the air into her lungs.
She didn’t move. She wanted to give up. She felt so tired, she didn’t want to fight anything anymore. She only wanted to cry and be cursing her fate that had led her to this.
She managed to see a flat surface a little lower not so far away from her.
As much as she really didn’t want to dive into it, feel more pain and fight even more, the prize was everything she dreamed of. There would be absolutely nothing that could hurt her anymore. She would be able to lie down and find peace.
Just this little more…
She tried to get down as carefully as she could, but her constantly trembling limbs and her muscles being drained of energy made it almost impossible. She was constantly being stabbed by sharp edges of cement. The suit was already partly ripped. Her right foot was completely bare along with her arm. She wasn't protected enough from any kind of physical harm.
At some point she slipped and fell down. The broken pieces stabbed her all around her body, which hurt her as hell and she screamed in pain. Once she finally came to a stop, she stalked on four and lay down on an asphalt.
She reached her goal, at last. Finally she could sigh with relief when nothing was causing her pain anymore. It felt good. The asphalt was warming her from beneath, giving her a sense of security. She could have swore this was the most comfortable surface she’s ever lain on. No way she would stand up right now feeling such a relief. She wanted to stay here forever and-
“Look what you’ve done Ladybug” said a voice with venom right in front of her.
She lifted her head just slightly and looked up to see her enemy in purple and the head covered with silver.
“And all you could have done to avoid all of this was to give me your Miraculous…”
She breathed, shaking, her voice came out low and fragile “So you could satisfy your selfish needs and cause people harm? Never…”
“You don’t know what my wish would be.” he answered.
“The end doesn’t always justify the means,” she replied confidently.
“Oh… look who’s talking” he accused, “You’ve been fighting and standing your ground for whatever greater good and look with what you’ve left the ones who trusted you.”
She was able to clear her vision and look around, still resting her head on the ground.
Everything was covered in warm light, dust was floating all around. She recognized the place. It once used to be the park right next to her house. Now it was nothing but ruins. One of the apartment buildings was completely destroyed. She could hear the screams of fear, a woman’s voice calling someone’s name in despair. The sirens were heard all around the city. Her heart broke. Tears filled her eyes again, this time because of another kind of pain.
She noticed something in the corner of her eye. A black figure lying just across the street.
No
Suddenly her muscles got struck with adrenaline. She managed to stand up and run towards it. She stumbled on the way and went on all fours due to lack of energy already.
No no no…!
She really didn’t want it to be him, but life apparently wasn’t so merciful.
Her partner was lying on the ground, his suit, just as hers, ripped in many places, wherever his skin was bare she could see blood and wounds. There was a puddle of crimson liquid right beneath him. His chest was barely moving, somehow still keeping him alive.
“Chat! Please no! Can you hear me?! CHAT!” she screamed with eyes full of tears. She kneeled over him and placed one hand on his shoulder and another one below his head to hold it.
“Mghh…” Chat only let out a quiet groan and a cough that followed that turned out to be more of a wheeze. Blood flowed out of his mouth. He opened his eyes very slightly, just enough for her to see his pupils being wide.
“Ladyb-“ his voice came out low and barely heard.
She felt her heart breaking “Oh god Chat! Hold on, we’re gonna get you to safety, everything will be okay, just please hold on a little longer, I-“
“B-bug..” He wanted to catch her attention, he placed his hand on her arm and held it tight. “Thank you-“ He seemed to be about to couch again. He fought with everything he had to speak as he kept flinching uncontrollably. “for being here with me…during… my last-“
The girl panicked, “Chat, don't say that! It will be fine, you will be fine-!”
“I…”
That’s when his head fell and his body stilled.
Her mind went numb.
She started seeing stars in her eyes and began feeling dizzy.
“Chat! No no no no no, you can’t leave me, PLEASE you can’t!” She clenched her teeth, a huge eruption of cries was already building inside of her chest.
She saw his soul and very essence of life leave his body for good in just a second. …to never return.
Her only anchor during this situation, her only partner who was left, but also her only friend who chose to stay by her side, whom she trusted with her life, was now gone.
It wasn’t like he had gone to another city or country to another side of the world. He hadn’t gone far from Paris for a trip or studies. He was gone for ever .
She would never again experience listening to his voice, rolling her eyes at his yet another lame joke, being offered a rose by him, or seeing him joke around during battles, him cheering at just anything. She would never experience feeling that aura which was only and only around him. She would never be a side of her that took over only when she was around him.
His very essence was gone from this world .
He was gone .
In the full meaning of the word.
The part of his heart he had planted in hers, which has grown and become a part of her own, just got painfully ripped out of her. That place was now empty, dark and hollow. From now on she will have to wake up every single day with that dark void for the rest of her life.
And they say ladybugs bring luck.
She wasn’t able to acknowledge what just happened in front of her, her mind was constantly believing she was just making it all up, that he would open his eyes in a few seconds and say her name, she would help him stand up and she would get him to hospital and he would make it, he would still be here!
But none of this came.
“Ladybug”
“Ladybug”
“How could you?”
She heard voices all around her.
“You promised to protect us!”
“Ladybug!”
Now she was completely alone in this hell, no one by her side, only him lying dead in her arms. She took a deep shaky breath, ready to scream in agony for the whole Paris to hear, so everyone would know the tragedy she was experiencing!
But she couldn’t.
Her scream came out as a high pitched quiet wheeze. She felt a strong lump in her throat. She immediately panicked.
“The hero you are!”
“It would have been better if you had given him the Miraculouses!”
“Hey Ladybug!”
She wanted to scream, she really did. She wanted to let out all the sorrow her heart was barely holding onto …but she really couldn’t. This sent a wave of shock. Suddenly she felt she had trouble breathing.
“You’ve lost Ladybug” She heard her enemy slowly approaching her.
“How could you fail?!”
“Ladybug!”
“We trusted you!”
She closed her eyes firmly and clenched her fists on her legs. She felt as if something was stabbing her heart from the inside. She could swear the pain both physical and emotional was about to make her lose consciousness.
“You should have quit a long time ago!”
“Ladybug!”
She tried to scream again, but utterly failed. She took a breath with a loud wheeze, feeling her lungs begging for oxygen.
“My Lady!”
~
There she was, waking up in a reality without him, completely alone in this battle, completely alone in an empty room. All she wanted was to scream and cry. To throw out all the sorrow that was burning in her heart.
But she still couldn’t. She felt as if something was crushing her chest as she lay, making it hard to even breathe. She felt herself choke, trying to get enough air in her lungs but her throat was tight. Tears were falling down her face.
Now maybe death was taking her away.
“Hey, Ladybug!”
The voice sounded familiar. It seemed horrified and worried, but she didn’t bother to give it much of a thought during her panic and distress.
She felt something long slip down beneath her shoulders and then pull her up to a sitting position.
“Hey, bug, calm down, e-everything's ok.” The voice said tremulously on her right side.
She felt something wrapped around her back and a warm palm placed on her left shoulder. A cold dim light appeared somewhere nearby, but she didn’t focus on her vision. She felt she might faint just in a few seconds and never wake up. Her lungs hurt. She so desperately wanted to fill them with oxygen.
“Come on, bug, just breathe” the voice was more nervous this time. She wanted to breathe, tried to take a breath but she really couldn’t. Something got placed on her belly and pushed on it.
“Exhale, let it out”
Surprised, she released all the air that was already inside her lungs and then immediately breathed in, filling her chest with sweet air. She wheezed loudly, her throat was tight and was becoming sore.
“And breathe out,”
She let out the air.
“Breathe with me, ok? Breathe in…”
She took a breath with a loud wheeze again.
“...and out”
She felt a puff of air right next to her face. She breathed out. The voice gave her something to focus on while she tried to control her living.
“in…”
She took a breath again, this time a little bit quieter and breathed out along with him.
“Good, that’s it.” The voice became calm and comforting. She felt a hand tangle with hers. She immediately grasped it hard and it did the same in return.
She felt herself getting control back. A thumb of the hand holding hers was stroking her knuckles.
“In…”
Inhale
“...and out”
Exhale
Her breathing was slowly becoming more steady. Her throat finally felt loose.
“In…”
Inhale
“...out”
Exhale
“Good, good, you’re good.”
She repeated the cycle just a few more times until she finally felt she had the control over her living and everything came back to normal. She slowly opened her eyes to inspect her surroundings.
She saw a blanket on her. Her right hand was tangled with another one which was covered in black. She felt someone holding her in a warm embrace with an arm around her back.
She frowned questionly. “C-Chat…?” She called barely above a whisper. Her voice was fragile and broken.
“Yes, I’m here.” He answered with a soft voice.
She turned her head to see his eyes. He was looking at her with worry, showing nothing but care. He was sitting right beside her, also covered with a blanket. Between them was lying his baton, with its screen pointed at the sealing, casting a dim white light across the small room they were in.
“Where… are we?” she asked.
“In Master Fu’s old apartment.” He replied and then asked, “Remember?”
She took a look around the room, soon recognizing it. They were sitting on a big mattress that was placed in the middle of the small room.
Her eyes wandered from the covered window in front of them, to an old gramophone which used to be a secret hiding for the miracle box and finally landed on the boy next to her.
She was hypnotized by his eyes that observed her. They were full of warmth, care and comfort, but they also showed fear. He didn’t ask anything, instead he let her sort everything out.
She broke their eye contact and looked at his mouth, which was opened very slightly. Nothing was flowing out of it anymore. Her gaze then wandered to his abdomen, it rose and fell with a fast pace, but steadily nevertheless. Then to his legs that were covered with a blanket, to his hand tangled with hers, holding it tightly. and finally her eyes returned to his face. Her mind was still trying to define if he was real after… what she had seen.
She freed her hand from his hold and gently placed it on his cheek. Chat flinched at her soft touch, although surprised by her unexpected gesture, remained still. She trailed her fingers over the bottom edges of his black mask, next they traveled to his eyebrows. She noticed how tense his muscles were there. Chat was taking in every motion of her hand, feeling how it was sending small shivers down his body and how it made him tremble. He was still looking into her eyes while sitting rooted to the spot. Her fingers then went down feeling the texture of his mask as she trailed them over the black material, stopping at the sharp pointy tip of it on his nose. She let them fall on his lips, which quivered lightly in response to her delicate touch. She felt repetitive puffs of air as he breathed shakily. Finally her fingers landed on his chin.
“Chat…”
“Y-yes?” He stuttered, coming back to reality.
“Are you… hurt?” She asked, full of worry.
“Well… yes. Just like you, but we’ve taken care of each other.” he answered and then added, “I’m alright, we’re alright”.
She slowly started to recognize which pictures were her nightmares and which were reality.
Hawk Moth struck back. More powerful than ever before. He really didn’t lie when he said he would attack relentlessly.
Right after he got hold of all the Miraculouses, Ladybug and Chat Noir along with the Parisians stood their ground. Just a day later he attacked with no mercy. Now with almost all the Miraculouses in his possession, he was able to boost his powers alone. He akumatized many people at once this time giving them new powers.
Paris was at its worst, in total chaos. Their enemy was destroying everything; office buildings, parks, shop centers, monuments, museums, but the worst of all - homes. Homes of regular citizens of Paris.
As soon as the hell started everyone began to evacuate. A state of emergency was declared. Ladybug and Chat Noir were trying to help as much as they could, getting people out of danger, making sure nothing was blocking the main roads and railways, but it was hard to at the same time fight the villains. Not to mention scars and wounds they were constantly getting. When those got serious they managed to hide for just a few spare minutes, roughly wrap them with whatever piece of cloth they had or found in order to stop the bleeding and then be back in the fighting field. Ladybug got a chance to cast her Miraculous Ladybugs a few times between transformations. Most of the time they managed to fix almost all the damage, but then another building collapsed and they were back to square one. They were fighting the symptoms, not the source.
They had been like this for 3 days straight, non-stop, with almost no break. Danger was spreading all the time in the city. When Hawk Moth was there attacking, Ladybug and Chat Noir had to be steady.
At some point they got to fight face to face with their arch nemesis, neither of the sides giving in despite all the wounds they were getting. The main goal was to get back the Miraculouses, whichever they could, at all cost! …but with no luck. This time though, the heroes weren’t so merciful like they usually had been. Hawk Moth clearly crossed the line this time, it was far enough and they didn’t let him get out of this fight in one piece either.
Finally, neither of them could continue, too weak and exhausted to fight any longer. Their enemy went into hiding and the attacks had stopped …temporarily. They knew he wouldn’t lose his chance to attack as long as the two heroes were still vulnerable. But god they needed some rest. Barely getting any sleep for days was making them feel dizzy. They had to make the most of the temporary calm as possible to take better care of their wounds, eat something and get some good sleep.
They didn’t exactly have a hideout like Hawk Moth, so finding a place to heal seemed problematic at first.
Then an idea came to mind.
Master Fu’s old apartment.
They came with aid kits they had collected on the way and grabbed some ready-to-eat food along with some ice in a thermal bag from a local shop …or rather what was left of it.
Fortunately their building was still intact. The apartment seemed like a perfect place. It was a small room along with other regular apartments. It didn’t really stand out, which aroused no suspicion. They found some blankets there and put themselves to sleep.
And here they were.
Ladybug rested her forehead on her palm and groaned. The worst part was that her nightmare wasn’t really unrealistic. This actually could happen very soon, and the idea frightened her so much that her eyes began to fill with tears again.
“Ladybug?”
She shrugged and tried to put those images away.
“What time is it?” She asked with a wobbly voice followed by a sniff.
Chat let go of her and reached for his baton on the mattress and checked, “Almost 1 AM.”
Great…
There was a slight anger building in her. They really didn’t have much time and instead of making the most of it and getting the best rest possible, she was having nightmares and on top of that she was also waking up and bothering her partner.
“Hey, are you alright?” He asked worriedly.
Was she?
She slowly raised herself, her limbs trembling. The warmth of the covers leaving her sent unpleasant shivers down her spine.
“Where are you going?”
“J-Just to the bathroom” she answered with a shaky voice.
“Oh, alright…” he almost whispered in answer, looking at his tangled hands.
She walked towards the door and then through a tiny hallway of the apartment. She grabbed her yo-yo and opened it so its light could guide her way. When she entered the bathroom she approached the sink and placed her yo-yo on it. She turned on the tap and washed her sticky eyes. The cold water made her feel a little fresher and sane. Having done so, she rested her arms on the edges of the sink and looked in the mirror in front of her.
Her hair was completely messy, many strands were completely out of place and yet the pigtails were still holding on. It looked so dirty. She had a few red marks on her face and there were bags under her eyes. But she knew her situation was way worse under the suit.
She’s never really seen herself in such a state in her superhero form before. She’s always been this perfect looking heroine, shining with confidence, always strong! …and now she looked like a wreck. Completely unlike her.
She lowered her head in thought. She felt so pathetic for feeling this weak. The Miraculous was supposed to cover it up, hide it. It was supposed to protect her from hopelessness and her flaws. Oh how it failed her.
She stroked her right arm with her other hand in thought. The action calmed her down a little. Her hand then left the arm and reached to her waist, hugging herself. She felt a material under her suit there. The memories of feeling his fingers gently stroking her skin suddenly flooded her mind.