Chapter Text
brother?
Vash burrowed himself deeper into the blankets and mumbled in complaint. The call of his sisters became more insistent. morning checks coming. brother. brother wake up.
I’m not part of morning checks, Vash replied. He was a grumpy, ill-played harmonica compared to them, but they deserved that. They had woken him up. I’m injured. Let me sleep.
new arm next week you said.
Damn it, he had said that. The reminder that the long wait, so long it felt like years, was almost over woke Vash up a little. He peeked out of his blankets. The Plant above him was fully unfurled, pressed against the glass, her head tilted as she stared down at him. Okay, I’m less injured, Vash relented. I’ll get up. I’m getting up.
He sat up and looked around the space. The Plant engineers hadn’t shown up for morning checks yet. They always left him alone if he was still in the Plant room, but Vash still felt a bit self-conscious about it. He begrudgingly dragged himself off the cot and started folding everything up. He was getting good at doing it one-handed; the pile of his things in the corner was a lot tidier than when he’d first started sleeping in the Plant room. He didn’t do it every night, but it was usually a few times a week by now. The humans of Ship Three had been really nice, really helpful, but there were things only his sisters could do for him, songs only they could sing that made his body feel settled and calm, even with the missing arm. Every doctor he’d been to agreed that it helped his healing. They were probably the reason he could get his prosthetic this soon.
He was grateful, even if they had gotten annoying about making sure he didn’t sleep all day.
Thank you guys, Vash said to the room as a whole before slipping out.
He had a new routine now, one that still felt a bit strange. A lot less was expected of him, leaving him free to do whatever he wanted. It reminded him of his time on Ship Five, but it was a lot…lonelier. There was no one else his age, and Nai was…
He didn’t like thinking about Nai. In fact, Vash did everything possible to avoid thinking about Nai. Mostly that meant a lot of reading, going to his medical appointments, and following Brad or Luida around. Today, after the usual breakfast with the both of them, he went with Brad. He wanted to see how things were going with his arm.
“Reckon we’ll be able to scale this as you grow,” Brad said as he brought up the blueprints. “Make tweaks as we go. Just a matter of how much bigger you’re going to get.” He glanced at Vash with a slight frown. “Keep sprouting like you’ve been doing and you’re going to be the tallest person here.”
Vash laughed awkwardly. “Yeah…maybe.” He went back to staring at the arm. “It’ll still be ready by next week, right?”
“Yeah, it’ll be ready. But I’ll be confiscating it if you try to rush your rehab, got it?”
“Okay, okay…”
“I mean it.”
“I won’t rush. I promise.” He didn’t think the doctors would let him, and anyway, Vash wanted the transition to go smoothly. He really wanted both hands back. He’d adjusted pretty well to using just the one, sure, but…
Why can’t I go? You’re only riding out an hour away and coming right back. That’s not even that far.
I’m sorry, Vash…I know there’s only so much to do on here, but you’re not cleared to leave right now. We don’t want you getting hurt.
It wasn’t boredom. It was restlessness. It was the feeling of absolute uselessness that snuck up on him whenever he was left alone with his thoughts for too long. He wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take.
Just one more week, he told himself. I’ll be able to carry big things and play the piano again. And maybe they’ll see I’m better and let me go help again.
He could only hope things went smoothly.
.
As promised, Vash didn’t rush his therapy. Brad needed some convincing otherwise, though, because Vash adapted to the prosthetic faster than anyone expected. Then again, he’d been healing a lot faster than expected in general, so maybe it was a Plant thing. There were still problems, off course—odd pinches if he wore the arm too long, technical difficulties, that kind of thing—but Vash really felt like he’d be back to normal soon. He was confident enough to finally raise the question one night at dinner.
“So, since I’ve got the basics down…can I go back out with you?” Vash said.
“No,” Brad replied without hesitation.
Luida was a bit nicer about it: “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Things have been difficult out there…”
“But I’m better. I want to help.”
“You don’t have anything to prove, Vash. You know that, right?”
“I know, I know,” Vash huffed. He’d been hearing things like that a lot since Nico had left. It had been nice at first, but now it was exhausting. It didn’t do anything to soothe the restless feeling. “It’s not about proving anything. I really want to help.”
“There are other people who can – “
“Not the Plants. Not my sisters.”
Brad and Luida went silent. Vash felt a little guilty for playing that card, especially when he so rarely called the Plants his sisters around humans, but it was the only way he could think to make the point. It wasn’t just about proving things to humanity; that was his family was out there, too. Plants who needed his help.
(He was also pretty sure that the Plants on Ship Three had been gossiping about him to any others they happened to pass by. For all he knew, half the Plants on the planet thought he was maimed forever or on the brink of death. If Brad and Luida could get dramatic and protective, the Plants were way worse. He had to show them all personally that he was okay.)
“Please,” Vash said quietly. “At least…think about it?”
Brad and Luida exchanged a glance. “We’ll think about it,” Luida said.
Vash couldn’t tell if she was saying it just to make him feel better, or if they actually would think about it. He decided to take the win and leave it alone, for now.
Luida didn’t get much time to think about it. The Ship received a call a few days later: a Plant within half a day’s journey from Ship Three was going red, one in a community with children and serious ongoing research. One final doctor’s visit later, Vash was back on the road. He was excited, but nervous. The last time he’d used his Gate had been on that ship, where everything had gone wrong. Would something go wrong again? Would he only make things worse?
The worrying didn’t last long. They were swarmed the second he arrived, herded right to their Plant compound. All of Vash’s fear bled away the second he saw his injured sister. He had to help her. He could help her. Any fear he might’ve felt didn’t matter.
It’s okay. I’m here.
The healing went smoothly. The Plant’s mind went from hazy and confused to sharp and worried when she realized he was there. Even though her color was much better, Vash was sure anyone watching her vitals probably thought something was still wrong. arm? what happened?
It’s okay, really, don’t worry about it. They got me a new one, see? He pulled his prosthetic back just enough to wiggle the fingers without tapping the glass. This one is just temporary until I stop growing. My permanent one is going to be so cool.
hurts?
Vash shrugged. Only a little, sometimes. The phantom pain was the worst, but the therapies had been helping. He tried to think of the odd pinches and twinges his prosthetic caused as troubleshooting. That didn’t always make it less annoying, but it was different than regular pain, so that was -
other brother okay?
Oh.
Vash hadn’t expected that.
He’s fine, Vash replied. That was the truth, as far as he knew. He didn’t think he had the energy to go into it any more than that.
Something in his tone must’ve said that things weren’t really fine, but she didn’t push him beyond that. She fretted a bit more before calming down. Problem solved. Everyone was relieved, grateful. Vash felt good about it, right up until Ship Three started getting slammed with requests for his aid. All he could feel after that was stress.
Brad ended up sending off a lot of the requests off to human engineers. They don’t need you for it, trust me. Vash would’ve argued, but he really didn’t want to be sick again after he’d finally stopped needing to see the doctors all the time. He’d have to trust the Plant engineers and trust that Brad was objective enough to know when Vash was really needed. There were some cases only he could help with, and they’d all be going together. He could still help. It was fine.
Everything was fine.
He told himself that over and over to cover the fact that Brad had been late to dinner more than once because he was logging more time at the firing range. And that they were going with a large group instead of it being just the two of them. Vash tried not to think too hard about all the extra safety meetings, or the way everyone seemed more hesitant to leave the ship this time. He had to be brave. For his sisters. For the innocent humans out there. He had to be brave.
It definitely wasn’t easy.
“Are you okay?” Luida asked. It was the night before the trip. They were settling in for movie night, something Luida had started up while Vash was still healing. Usually, they could convince Brad to join them, but he was busy prepping for the trip. Possibly even at the range, as much as Vash hated the thought.
“I’m…” Vash sighed and sank into his blanket. “…a bit nervous. Is it really that bad out there, or is everyone scared because of what happened to me?”
Luida hesitated for a moment before answering. “Things have…never been completely stable. There’s always been fights over resources, and…well, I think as some things get more stable, unfortunately, that gives people more resources to fight each other. And with everyone so desperate to get properly settled…it makes people do stupid things.” She sighed, her eyes getting distant and a bit sad. “It’s mostly been rumors, lost contact with settlements, some of our away teams feeling unsafe. It wasn’t just you, but what happened to you definitely influenced some new safety protocols.”
That made sense. The official record said Vash had run off on his own to help another settlement and been injured by a “malicious party.” It would be easy for the ship to assume that malicious party was human. Vash hoped they never learned any differently…and he especially hoped they didn’t learn any differently by running into Nai.
“We’ll keep you safe, Vash. I promise. Everywhere we’re visiting has been vetted and we don’t expect any problems.” Luida wrapped an arm around Vash’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug. “If anyone makes you uncomfortable, just let Brad or I know, okay? We’ll set them straight.”
“Okay.” Despite the worry still chewing at his stomach, Vash smiled. “Thanks…”
“You two better not have been waiting on me.”
Vash looked over the back of the media room couch, his smile widening when he saw who it was. “Hey!” he said as Brad approached them. “I thought you were busy.”
“Realized it wasn’t that important,” Brad said as he sat down at his usual end of the couch. “Done everything I can about the problem. Staring at it’s just going to drive me crazy.” He propped his feet up on an ottoman with a grumble. “This the regular cut or the longass one?”
“Extended, always.” Luida picked a tablet off the couch, using it to turn down the lights and start the movie. “If we don’t get through it all tonight, we can finish it when we get back.”
Vash cuddled back down into his blanket and watched Luida’s face as the movie started. She was the film person between the three of them; Vash always loved watching her eyes light up as a familiar story started. This was the first series they’d watched, an old trilogy filmed entirely on Earth, about a group of heroes fighting to stop an ancient evil by destroying a magic ring. Luida loved it. There were other versions of the story, and of course the original books, but these were her favorite.
Vash enjoyed them, too, but he enjoyed spending time with her and Brad even more. They had been trying their hardest ever since Nico left, not just to make sure Vash felt safe, but to make sure things were…normal, he guessed. Normal as they could be, considering the situation. He couldn’t say they were like a regular family, since Brad and Luida weren’t even dating at all and there wasn’t anything legally that said Vash was their responsibility. But it felt like they were getting close to that with every little moment like this.
Everything that lead up to the changes had been hard, painful. But at least he had this now. It hadn’t all been for nothing.
The second movie was just as interesting as the first one, especially now that there was more than one plot to follow, but it was all doing too good a job distracting him. Vash was comfortable in his blanket, leaning against Luida with Brad close by; the lush greens of the fantasy worlds combined with the normalcy of doing something with people who cared about him, a normalcy they’d all been working to build together, made all his worries feel distant. He was relaxed now. Too relaxed.
Vash fell asleep halfway through the movie.
.
Any relaxation Vash felt the night before died the second they got on the road.
He’d never been around so many armed people before. It felt like everyone had a gun of some kind, or a taser, or a pocket knife that they held onto a little too tightly. It made Vash feel vulnerable and exposed, especially since he was the only one wearing that much red. He had brought another jacket to wear when he was around strangers—a regular secondhand tan one, so he didn’t stick out so much—but part of him wondered if he should’ve left the red one on the ship. It felt risky to stand out so much, even among friends.
But at the same time, it was comforting to wrap himself in the physical proof of other peoples’ care, to run his fingers over the stitches Nico had put in the sleeves and remember their conversations. Leaving it behind hadn’t felt like an option.
I’ll be careful with it. I’ll keep it out of sight. If it stays with everything else valuable, no one will be able to take it. It will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
The first few stops weren’t too bad. They were settlements clustered pretty close together, and they’d been able to help each other out until then. There was enough travel between them to create makeshift roads, sand trampled over so much it became compact and solid. It was almost enough to lift Vash’s spirits: travel was easier, and it was a sign of cooperation. Both good things.
If only everyone else got along that well.
Some places didn’t have a choice. They were too isolated from other groups, so they had to hold onto whatever they could scrape together and turn anyway anyone who might’s passed through looking for help. Others were close enough to be bullied and picked at for their supplies, but not close enough (or trusting enough) to form alliances. It wasn’t long before Vash got his first taste of the measures they had to take. When they stopped at one settlement, Brad got out of the truck first, froze, then turned around to grab Vash and carry him into town with Vash’s face pressed against his shoulder. “Wh - ?”
“I’ll tell you later. Just…don’t look.”
Vash closed his eyes without question. He didn’t open them until Brad put him down, and even then, he was scared to. “Was it bodies?” Vash guessed. He knew a lot of places still used mass graves. If they’d lost a lot of people recently, maybe they hadn’t had the chance to bury everyone yet. Vash hadn’t been allowed to help with grave digging. You’re too young, kid. You don’t have to worry about that.
“Bodies, yes. They…” Brad grimaced. ‘You didn’t need to see any of it.”
“But can I at least know?” Knowing people had died was bad enough. Not knowing what had caused it was worse.
Brad glanced over his shoulder before making eye contact with Vash. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Brad so serious before. “They’ve been doing public executions,” Brad said quietly, “as a deterrent. You don’t have anything to worry about, just…didn’t want you to see that.”
And Vash was very, very glad he hadn’t.
He started leaving anything even remotely valuable behind with his red coat after that. Vash wasn’t sure what scared him more: the thought of someone trying to steal from him, or the thought that they could be killed for it. I know stealing is wrong, but…that doesn’t feel fair.
It’s not fair.
His worry shifted pretty quickly, though. Once people realized who he was, they were a lot more interested in him than anything he might have on him. They asked how long he’d be staying. If there was anyone else who could do what he did. If it could be taught. He stopped answering questions when someone tried to ask him how he’d been made, if they knew how they could make more of him. Luida really hadn’t liked that one.
“Why would you ask him that?” she demanded. “He’s a kid for fuck’s sake. What is wrong with you?!”
Vash was so stunned to hear her swear that he didn’t put up a fight when Luida dragged him back to the Ship Three group. “The nerve of these people…I’m sorry, Vash. Are you okay?”
Vash’s brain struggled to think of a response. The questions made feel icky, yes, but they could walk away from questions. It could have been worse. He wanted to reassure her of that. What came out instead was half a joke and half completely serious: “I didn’t know you were allowed to swear.”
He said it loud enough that the other crew members heard him. “Luida swore?!” one said incredulously.
“I told you I wasn’t making it up,” said another one of the Geoplant engineers.
“You’re a bad influence on her,” someone else said to Brad, emphasizing the comment with a slap on the back. “I knew this would happen.”
“I didn’t influence shit,” Brad protested. “Marta’s right. She already knew those words. You both okay?”
“Well…I’m going to start saying a lot worse words if people don’t learn to mind their manners,” Luida replied. She tried to smile, but Vash could still see how tense she was. Anyone could. Any mirth in the space started dying, replaced by that nauseous, anxious feeling. Vash knew they couldn’t run away from how bad everything was, but he wanted not to feel it for at least a little while longer.
“If Luida can swear,” Vash asked quickly, “does that mean I can, too?”
Everyone immediately agreed that Vash was not allowed to swear, ever, not even when he was eighty. This led to fake haggling about what words did and didn’t count as swear words. By the time everyone had settled in, everything felt a lot calmer.
Halfway through the night, someone tried to steal one of Ship Three’s trucks. No amount of joking could make that feel better.
After a long, tense meeting, it was decided that they’d be cutting the trip short. They’d still go to the next settlement, because it was the last place where a Plant needed serious help and it was a major hub with a lot of people. But after that, they’d be going home. Vash felt relieved, then worried and scared for all the settlements they wouldn’t be able to get to. He wanted to help, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue. Other people might get hurt if they kept going. If he had to choose between who stayed safe…
But I don’t want to choose. I want everyone to be okay.
Spiders and butterflies. He hadn’t thought about that conversation in a long time. The last voice he wanted echoing in his head right now was Nai’s, so Vash shoved the thought aside and prepared himself for the rest of the trip.
.
Brad hovered around Vash like a second shadow when they reached the next settlement. He even kicked a few people out when Vash meant to heal the sick Plant. All three Plants weren’t feeling well, but Vash had a feeling the other two were responding to how their sister was feeling. He’d check in with them once he was done with the really sick one.
Does that feel better?
The Plant hummed a yes. Her eyes slid over to Brad. human angry.
No, his face just looks like that.
no. angry.
Vash glanced over his shoulder. The Plant was right; that wasn’t Brad’s usual grumpy face. He was staring at the other humans in the room as if daring them to make a move. “Brad,” Vash whispered. “You’re scaring the Plants.”
“Wh – “ Brad’s face went from threatening to confused as he looked down at Vash, then sheepish as he looked up the Plant. “Oh, uh…sorry.”
Vash smiled at him appreciatively before turning back to his sister. It’s okay, see? And he’s more worried than angry. There’s… His chest felt tight as he thought about what was waiting for them back on the road. Things have been kind of scary, is all.
Immediately, the Plant’s song turned soothing. The other plants responded to the shift in temperament, unfurling and pushing up against the glass as close to Vash as they could. All three harmonized a song of reassurance, of soothing, and…it worked, in a way. Just like Vash had managed to strength and untangle connections to the Light, his sisters soothed and slowed down his racing, worried thoughts. Vash closed his eyes and leaned against the glass.
Thank you.
It may have been a temporary respite, but it still meant everything to him.
.
Vash knew what stores were in theory. Actually being in one was a completely new experience. Everything was for trade, since they didn’t have any currency set up yet, but other than that, it looked like the stores he’d seen in movies. Vash wandered through the displays of goods with wide eyes. “If they can make enough to trade, that’s good, right?” he asked Luida. Most of the stuff was made of materials from the planet—obsidian knives, Worm jerky, even some clay jars—but was a good sign, too. They weren’t just relying on the Plants for everything. They were adapting to the new environment.
“It’s a step in the right direction,” Luida said. She was mostly focused on some dried flora bits in various recycled containers. Vash doubted she believed any of the medical claims on the labels, but she always studied the few kinds of flora that could grow on the planet unaided. She said it would help figure out which non-native flora could grow without a Geoplant. “Is Brad still haggling?”
Vash leaned over slightly to see past a shelf. Brad was definitely still haggling. He couldn’t see the cashier’s face, but Vash doubted things were going to stay polite much longer. “Yeah. Should we stop him, or…?”
“Excuse me.”
Someone stepped in between Vash and Brad. At first, all Vash saw was a battered and repurposed Seeds uniform shirt; when he looked up, he saw tired grey eyes and a thin face with a lot of stubble. “You’re the Plant specialist, right? From Ship Three?”
“Oh, uh…” He guessed he technically was, but it felt so weird saying it out loud. “I guess so…is the Plant okay? Did one of the others…”
“No, no, we didn’t…” The man glanced over his shoulder to wave someone over. “…this isn’t about the local Plant. We’re from a different settlement. We were hoping you could come with us to help with something.”
Vash’s stomach sank. They weren’t the first people to ask; they hadn’t said yes to a single one yet. So far, it had been the usual cases of people expecting Vash to work miracles when a few changes to how they ran their Plant would do the trick, but that didn’t make saying no any easier. “We’re, uhm, kind of on a tight schedule,” Vash said. Luida, help. “I don’t know if…”
“What’s the problem with your Plant?” Luida asked cheerily as she stepped close to Vash, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as she did. Her grip on his shoulder was a bit tighter than he’d expected. Was something about this particular situation bothering her, or was she just being protective by default? “Like he said, we’re on a bit of a tight leash at the moment, but we’ll do what we can.”
The man frowned slightly and turned his attention back to Vash. “It’s production issues, mostly,” he said. Vash barely hid a wince at the words. So often the answer to production issues was slow down production, and people still hated hearing that. The man must’ve seen the wince anyway, because he switched gears quickly: “And we’re having a difficult time figuring out her vitals. I think our Plant engineer must have still been in training because he can’t figure out…”
“Do you have any pictures or copies of the vitals report?” Luida asked. The man glanced her way only for a second, but when he tried to look at Vash, she spoke again: “Don’t do that. You’re not talking to him, you’re talking to me.”
“But he’s the…”
“I have seniority. You’re talking to me.” The stranger didn’t look happy about that one. Vash noticed another man with equally tired eyes hovering nearby. He didn’t look happy, either. “Why don’t you step over here and we’ll discuss your options, okay? And Vash, you go get Brad.”
“Y-yeah.” Vash could’ve stepped past the man to take the direct path to Brad, but he started going sideways instead. He’d have to loop around a few shelves, but it would keep him from having to walk past the stranger, so he figured it was worth it.
It would’ve been, if the other stranger hadn’t stepped in Vash’s way.
“Listen,” he said in an urgent whisper. “I get it, it’s bad out there, but we really could use the help. It’s urgent.”
“I…”
Vash was frozen in place, yanked in different directions by conflicting impulses. He wanted to help, of course he did. He saw the fear in the man’s eyes and he believed it wasn’t an act. But something deep in his gut said there was more to this—another motivation or emotion behind the fear. This isn’t right. It’s not right. Anglerfish lured their prey with bright lights, didn’t they? Rem had taught him that when they were learning about bioluminescence. It could be used as a warning, or as a trap.
That was it, Vash realized. That was what made this conversation different from similar ones he’d had before. He was used to people looking at him like he was some kind of savior. He wasn’t used to people looking at him like he was prey.
The man was still talking, frantically describing how difficult things had been at their settlement, inching closer and closer to Vash as he did. His eyes darted around the room. They lingered on Luida the most, as if checking that she wasn’t looking. “I know things are being vetted, but do you think…?”
“Hey!”
The bark of Brad’s no-nonsense voice had never been a more welcome sound. Vash took advantage of the second stranger’s confusion to dart past him. He still had to squeeze between the man and a shelf; the proximity let him catch a whiff of something metallic. Vash tried not to think about it, or the dark stains on the man’s jacket. “Can I help you?” Brad asked as he pulled Vash closer.
Vash should’ve felt safer, but the look in the second stranger’s eyes made him afraid all over again. The stranger looked angry. Because he’d been thwarted, somehow? Or angry at the sight of someone cleaner, with more weight on him, who’d be going back to a safe ship that was basically a flying fortress with its own Geoplant?
If Brad saw that anger, he didn’t even flinch at the sight of it. “I said, can I help you?” he repeated coldly.
Before the situation could escalate, Luida walked over and calmly looped her arm through Vash’s free arm. “All done, Brad?” she asked. Brad grunted, his gaze staying fixed on the second stranger. “Okay, then. Let’s head out.”
Vash was all too eager to leave, but couldn’t help himself from looking back over his shoulder. The two men were standing side by side now, staring after the three of them with a mixture of anger—maybe frustration—and desperation. It was a mix that felt more dangerous than either individual emotion would have. Vash shuddered and looking back ahead.
“What was that?” Brad asked.
“They wanted Vash at another settlement,” Luida said. The smile had fallen off her face, replaced by a focused, worried expression. “They couldn’t provide any proof of the claims about their Plant, and they’re in the opposite direction of home. I told them we wouldn’t be able to make it.”
“Do you think…” The question flew out on instinct, but Vash stopped himself. The conflicting impulses were back. He wanted to help, but something in him screamed not to go. He hadn’t felt an urge that strong since he’d seen all the blood Nai had spilled.
“We’re not going,” Brad interrupted. “The rules are in place for a reason. We can’t put ourselves in any more danger. Got it?”
Vash was grateful Brad had shot him down. He felt guilty for being so grateful.
He was so wrapped up in those conflicting emotions that he felt like he was sleepwalking through the next chunk of the day. He followed Brad and Luida around, staying out of sight whenever he remembered to, turning the encounter over and over again in his mind. It clung to his mind so much that even Brad and Luida being dragged off for something barely registered. Just stay with the others. We’ll be right back.
And so, Vash waited. Anxious and useless.
No, don’t think like that. Luida wants to help, too. So does Brad. They wouldn’t turn people away without good reason. You’re not useless. You’re doing everything you can…
“Excuse me?
Oh, no.
Vash took a deep breath and tried to look confident before turning around. Both strangers from the store were there. The desperate look in their eyes was stronger. Vash started immediately looking around for a crew member he could turn to, but everyone he could see was too far away, too busy, to get without potentially escalating. I should have stayed closer, I should have paid more attention... “I’m sorry,” Vash said. He tried to be subtle about stepping back towards a crew member. The strangers were not subtle about following. “I can’t help. We’re leaving soon and…”
“I know, I understand, but just listen.” The first stranger looked around. “It’s an emergency, and it’s not far, two days, tops…”
“I can’t, I told you,” Vash said. He tried to sound assertive, like Nico or Brad, but the men kept stepping towards him. “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you.”
“There has to be something.”
Should I be meaner? No, he wasn’t good at that. If they weren’t going to take him seriously, he might as well lean into still looking like a kid. “I should really go. Brad’s probably looking for me…”
“Vash!”
Vash spun around at the sound of his name, the sound of that voice. Between the sudden movement and the sense of relief that flooded through him, he felt like he might faint. “Claudia!”
Claudia took one look at the situation in front of her and took action. She walked briskly to Vash’s side and wrapped am arm around him. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” she said, acting as if nothing were wrong. “C’mon, we’re almost ready.”
She started walking away so confidently that Vash almost believed that the others were almost ready. Even knowing it was probably a ruse didn’t diminish his relief, because they were getting away, at least, and Claudia was here. Claudia would help him.
One of the strangers stepped in their path. “Please,” he said, “we don’t know what ‘s wrong and we don’t have a Plant engineer – “
“He already said no,” Claudia said. She was much better at being assertive than Vash was. “Sorry, but we really have to go.”
The man’s face twisted from desperation and fear into something furious. “It’s not fair,” he said as they started walking past him. “You get the only operational ship, all those Plants, and now you’re going to hog it, too? You’re not the only one who could use its help…”
Vash couldn’t hold back a wince. It had been a long time since someone had used it for him to his face. He’d forgotten how much it stung, especially when most Ship Three engineers didn’t even call regular Plants it anymore. Claudia’s eyes blazed with fury, but she didn’t turn around. “Ignore him,” she whispered. “Just keep walking.”
They would probably have to start walking faster. Vash could hear footsteps behind them, and the stranger’s voice getting louder as he stalked after them. “The rest of us need help out here, too! You can’t just…!”
“HEY!”
Is that Luida?
It was. She was pushing her way through a nearby crowd. Vash didn’t think he’d ever seen her so angry in his life. She was so angry, she almost made Brad look calm in comparison. “What did I tell you about bothering him, huh?! I told you to leave him alone!”
The stranger froze. When Vash glanced over his shoulder, he saw the man’s face had gone pale. His eyes darted around, taking in all the eyes that were suddenly on them. “W-we were just…”
“Just nothing. Come on, Vash.” Luida took Vash’s left hand and squeezed it hard enough that even the muted sense receptors picked it up. “Hi, Claudia.”
Oh, good, Luida remembered her. “Hi,” Claudia replied as she glanced over her shoulder. “Who are those guys?”
“Doesn’t matter. We won’t be seeing them again. Were you taking the caravan, too?”
Vash found himself clinging to Claudia’s hand more tightly. He didn’t want to inconvenience her, of course not, but he also didn’t want her to go. Sure, he had the others to protect him, but he still wanted her around. “Yeah, I was,” Claudia said. “You don’t mind if I hang around, do you?”
“Not at all!” Luida said. “I’m glad to see you’re doing all right.”
Thank goodness. Luida was going back to her usual self, Claudia was staying, and they were leaving this place. Things were going to get better. He still didn’t feel completely calm until they were back in a truck and couldn’t clearly see the settlement anymore. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?” Luida asked.
“No, they were just pushy,” Vash said. He was suddenly sore, though, in a tired way, and his arm was starting to bother him. It had probably been bothering him the whole time and been crowded out by everything else going on. “One of them called me an it when he got mad, but…” He went to adjust his right sleeve, but winced when the attempted movement sent a jab of pain into his stump. “Ow.”
“What’s the matter?” Brad asked. He was laser-focused on the arm immediately. He did that whenever things weren’t going well. The arm was the only thing he could fix, Vash figured, so he worked really hard on that to try and make up for everything else. “Is it pinching again?”
“Yeah, it’s been doing that a lot today. Can I take it off now?”
“Sure, kid.” Vash let go of Claudia’s hand finally to start taking his jacket off. “I’m sorry. I really thought I had that figured out.”
Vash was about to tell Brad not to worry, that it wasn’t his fault, but Claudia straightened up and stared at him in horror before he could. “What happened?!” she asked.
Right. He’d had both hands last time she saw him. “It was an accident,” Vash said. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He’d have to tell her later—he really owed her the truth, after everything she’d done for him that day—but right now, he didn’t have the energy for it.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Claudia said immediately. “I’m just…” Her hands clasped anxiously in her lap. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Vash replied as Brad took his prosthetic off. The sudden loss of sensation actually felt kind of good this time. It was better than the pinching. “Not your fault.” Don’t itch, don’t itch, don’t itch… Vash got up to get his red coat. Keeping the stump covered up with it helped him not to mess with it so much. “We’re going back home, right?”
“We’re definitely going back home,” Luida replied. “I think we’ve done all we can out here, and I want to check up on the Geoplant again.”
“Good.” Vash did feel a little bad for saying that, but less bad than he had before. He wasn’t sure he was equipped to handle what was going on out here. The weight of his red coat against his shoulders helped him feel a little calmer. So did Brad’s reassurance that they wouldn’t have to go back to medical right away, and Claudia’s presence next to him as he sat back down.
“I’m glad we found you again,” he whispered to her.
She squeezed his hand; the touch was enough to make the rest of the fear and tension slip out of him. “Glad to be back,” she replied.
It didn’t take long for Vash to doze off. Car sleeping was always weird. It was hard to tell how much time had passed. He could hear people talking, but not really make out what they were talking about. The lighting changed every time he bobbed back into consciousness. He could sense lights out in the distance—his sisters, maybe even Nai somewhere—but they streaked by like falling stars. When he finally woke up and stayed awake, it was dark out, and they were still driving. “Are we there yet?” he asked.
“We’re almost to the charge camp,” Luida replied. “We’ll see when we can leave from there.”
“Okay.” He’d been hoping they would be going straight home, but they were pretty far away. “This is one of ours, right?”
“Yes, this is one of ours. We’ll be in good company.”
Vash felt better about that…right up until he saw that there were armed guards. He hovered close to Claudia as they got out of the car. “Has it really been that bad?” she asked.
Brad tilted his chin towards the Plant structure in the middle of the encampment. It was built out of the ship ruins she’d been found in. Vash had always thought it looked a little sad, like they were keeping her inside a skeleton. “High-value target,” he explained. “We haven’t been able to get her out of the ship housing, but that hasn’t stopped people from trying to run off with her.”
“At least she’s got company,” Vash said. “Can I go say ‘hi” to her?”
Brad and Luida stared at him with worried looks. Before Vash could defend himself, Claudia spoke up: “I’ll go with him.”
Luida wasn’t completely convinced, but Vash could see she was relenting a little. “This is just a social visit?” she said.
“It is,” Vash replied. “I promise.”
“Okay...if Claudia doesn’t mind.”
“It’s no problem.” Claudia smiled bravely and held out a hand to Vash. “He’ll be safe with me.”
Vash believed that completely.
It was probably for the best that she stayed close to him. Everyone looked nervous at the sight of a stranger, but they calmed down a bit when they saw she was with Vash. Claudia definitely noticed. “You’ve been here before?”
“We stop here a lot. It wasn’t always so…” Tense. Scary. He shook the thought off as they entered the Plant building. “They’ll probably try to move her again if people keep trying to take her.”
The entry to the Plant room was a bit spooky—you had to duck to get in, and the first part of the hallway looked was worn down as the buildings—but the room itself was probably one of his favorites. There were even more murals on the wall than last time, and in more colors, so they must have found some more minerals to make paints with. The mobiles hanging from the ceiling reflected light around the room; some glinted like little stars hung from twine. The Plant engineer inside had started playing music. Vash recognized her from her curly hair. “Hi, Doctor Carol,” he called.
Doctor Carol turned around. She hadn’t changed much since Vash had seen her last, aside from her hair having a few more gray streaks. “Oh! Vash, hi!” She waved at him from her spot in front of the computers. “I heard about your arm. I’m so sorry, honey.”
“Thanks. I’m okay, though, really.” It was easy to act okay about his arm. Honestly, the arm was the least of his issues right now. “This is Claudia. We’ve just come to say ‘hi.’”
“I’m glad to hear it. Stay as long as you want. You know she likes the company. Just holler if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” To Claudia, he added, “She’s been seeing what kind of music Plants like and if it increases energy output without adding extra stress.” Vash was glad she’d kept going with those experiments. He wished more engineers were like Doctor Carol. She’d never asked him stupid questions about how to force the Plants to produce more. It had always been about making them comfortable and happy, because she knew that worked better than forcing them.
“Ohh, interesting.” Claudia’s eyes widened at the sight of the Plant housing. It was pretty scraped up, even more so than it had been last time. “Wow, she’s really stuck.”
She was. It kept her from being stolen, at least. Vash wrapped his intact arm around himself as he stared up at his sister. She was drifting quietly, content. He suddenly felt guilty about disturbing her peace. She would worry, when she probably already had enough to worry about. Would it be selfish to ask for reassurance and company from her?
Vash was snapped out of his thoughts by Claudia stepping forward and resting a hand on the tank. “Hi…ma’am,” she said. “It’s good to see you’re doing okay.” Vash felt his sister start stirring at the sign of a human voice, right as Claudia glanced back at him. “Am I doing this right?”
The Plant peeked out of her bulb. Vash felt her pleasant surprise at the sight of a human she hadn’t met and who was actually talking to her. Claudia glanced back in time to see her. “Oh! I didn’t think that would work.”
The mood changed as the Plant noticed Vash. Immediately, she reached out to him with her hand and her mind, calling for him to come closer. Vash relented, stepping over to rest his forehead and his hand against the tank, close enough to Claudia that their shoulders touched. The Plant cooed softly, the sound version of a soft hug. She didn’t seem too surprised by his missing arm—maybe she’d heard from another Plant passing by—but she was definitely worried about how tired he was. Vash hummed the special song back to her, to soothe himself as much as her. what's wrong? she asked.
It would probably be easier to tell her what wasn’t wrong. Vash was, at least, able to summarize all his problems into one sentence: Everything is different now and I’m scared.
Claudia stirred next to him, as if she’d heard him. Had he said it out loud? He might’ve. He was so tired, that sounded like a mistake he would make. He didn’t mind if she heard, though. Vash glanced Claudia’s way. She met his eyes, her face softening as she took in the look on his face. “Change is always scary,” she said, “but you can find a way to make it through. Not giving up is the most important thing, and you’ve got people who can help you. Have you talked to Brad and Luida about this?”
“Kind of.” They’d talked about some of the changes he’d been through, mostly his arm, there was too much going on to talk about all of it. “It’s…complicated.”
“Like when you got sick?”
“Yeah. Like that.” That was the closest thing, anyway. At least this time he didn’t feel quite so selfish.
“Do you want me to help you talk to them again?”
Vash leaned back enough to see where Doctor Carol was. Still too close; she probably wasn’t paying attention to them, but if he was going to explain everything to Claudia, he’d have to tell her about Nai, and that was not something he wanted to talk about where others might hear. “I’ll tell you later,” he whispered. “It’s a long story.”
Claudia nodded. “Whenever you’re ready.”
this human is a friend?
Vash nodded, both to Claudia and to his sister, and rested his head against the tank again. Claudia, he explained, accompanying the name with the memories of the times Claudia had looked out for him. I promise I’ll rest tonight. It’s just been a long trip.
The Plant seemed satisfied with this, though she still sent a song of soothing. Vash leaned into the sound, feeling it settle down into his body like a second heartbeat. The coolness of the glass contrasted with the warmth of Claudia standing right next to him, but both felt reassuring. Both reminded him that he wasn’t alone.
“Hey, Vash.”
Luida was there, ducking her head to get through the entryway. “Bad news. We’ll have to stay into tomorrow. The queue for the charger is backed up.” She walked to Vash’s side and smiled up sheepishly at his sister. “Sorry we’re putting you to work so much.”
“She’s okay. She’s still strong.” Thank you, Vash added to his sister as he met her eyes and stepped back. “She feels safe.”
If only it could be that way for every Plant.
“Are you guys hungry?” Luida added. “We can have a snack before we get some sleep.”
“A little bit.” That was kind of a surprise. Coming here had been a better idea than he’d realized. “Claudia?”
For a second, Claudia looked at him as if she was trying to figure out what he’d said. Vash immediately felt self-conscious. Had he relaxed a bit too much, started to look a little…too Plant-like? That always threw people off, even the people who cared about him. He didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.
The moment passed quickly, though. “Sure,” Claudia said, as if nothing were wrong. “I could eat.”
Vash hesitantly reached out for her as they left. She took his hand and squeezed it. That was all the reassurance Vash needed.
.
They probably could have talked sooner since Brad and Luida already knew everything, but Vash waited until they had the chance to be alone. It was still difficult for him to talk about; he wanted as small an audience as possible.
“So,” Claudia said once they were tucked back away in the truck, “what happened?”
Vash wasn’t even sure where to begin. The Big Fall was probably the best place to start, but remembering that still sent a spike of guilt through him. He reached out for Claudia’s arm, his fingers hovering over the place where she’d been burned. It wasn’t like with Nico; he didn’t feel like he could fix the damage done there. Damage done while protecting him.
You owe her the truth.
“I know who caused the Big Fall,” he said. “I know why it happened.”
It was the third time he’d told the story, but that didn’t make it easier. Even though Claudia was supportive, even though she reassured him that Nai was wrong and that what happened wasn’t his fault and spoke to him so gently, it was still so hard. Still, Vash powered through. Claudia got a bit confused at the mention of Nico, but that was fair. Vash had forgotten to tell her about him. That confusion was forgotten when Vash reached the part about what had happened with Nai.
“Vash, did your brother cut your arm off?”
“It wasn’t because of the argument.” Vash probably said that a little too fast. It wasn’t that he wanted to defend Nai necessarily. That whole incident still made him angry if he thought about it too long. He just didn’t want Claudia to be upset for the wrong reasons. “Luida had followed me to him. He was angry at her, I was upset and scared…I didn’t want her to get hurt…” He felt a slight twinge in his prosthetic’s receptors; he’d been trying to flex his left arm at the memory, but there was nothing attached to flex. “My Gate just…reacted. This hole opened up on my arm and I couldn’t close it. I didn’t even know I could do something like that. Nai cut off my arm to make it go away before I sucked everything up.”
There was just enough moonlight in the car to let Vash see Claudia’s nose wrinkle in disapproval. “That’s not much of an improvement,” she pointed out. She wasn’t wrong, either. Even Vash couldn’t argue that. “I’m surprised he let Luida take you.”
“He wasn’t going to, but…I pointed a gun at him.” It always surprised him that he could say that without feeling guilty. A little awkward, sure, but he still hadn’t really felt bad about it. “He looked upset at first, but then he laughed and started talking about some stupid plan taking a hundred years…I don’t know.” His chest felt tight as he spit out the last words. “And then he left.”
Claudia’s expression grew even more disapproving. “He cut off your arm…and then just left you there?”
“Yeah,” Vash said with a bitter laugh. “It was just like with that stupid chess board again.” He’d been thinking about that incident a lot lately. Just like with Nico, it took him a second to realize she didn’t know about that one. “Sorry. That’s a whole other thing.”
“Seems like there’s a lot of whole other things with him.”
“Yeah.” There were. He was Vash’s brother, and the lack of him still ached, but Vash couldn’t deny that there had been…a lot going on with him, and for longer than he’d originally thought. “I guess there are.”
Would there ever be a resolution to that? Would Nai ever stop being so stubborn, so sure of how right he was and so blind to the people he was hurting? About the fact that he was hurting Vash? Would Vash ever feel safe approaching him about it? He’d tried to consider it, tried to picture how he would react if he were out on the road and just happened to see Nai in the distance. What would he do?
He didn’t know the answer. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t have one any time soon.
Vash pushed the thought aside to finish telling Claudia about everything. The worst and most shameful part was still admitting that he’d thought about leaving, but Claudia didn’t seem to judge him for that. She sounded surprised, but she wasn’t unkind, and she was genuinely happy that things had gotten better on the ship. “Does that mean they weren’t the ones who suggested you come out here?”
“No, that was my idea. They actually tried to talk me out of it…” Maybe I should have let them. “…but I wanted to, for the Plants. Nai was wrong about a lot, but not all humans treat them well. He wasn’t wrong about that. Even the ones who do need extra help, and I’m the only one who can do it. But it’s been so bad out here. It gets worse and worse every time.” He thought about how much more tense every major meeting was, how they got fewer visitors and more whispers about the dangers outside. About the men who’d stalked him down and talked about him like he was a piece of equipment they wanted to borrow. It was all so heavy. “I don’t know what to do.”
Claudia was quiet at first, but Vash could tell she was thinking. The length of the pause didn’t feel stressful; he knew it meant she wanted her answer to be really helpful. “I know you want to help, and that’s very kind of you. But sometimes…a problem can’t really be fixed, you know? Especially by just one person. You just do what you can, and what’s safe. That’s all anyone can ask of you and all you should expect of yourself.” She gave him a gentle, one-armed hugged. “You don’t have to fix the whole world on your own, Vash.”
She wasn’t wrong. That was why Vash answered her with a quiet I know. It was just something he was still struggling with. Did the others struggle with it, too? Did Claudia ever struggle with it? He thought about asking, but was suddenly weighed down by exhaustion. He’d told her everything, and that had taken what little energy he had left.
I did promise that I’d rest tonight.
It was safe in the truck. They didn’t have to go back to the tents. It was perfectly fine to sleep here, he was sure.
Maybe things would make more sense in the morning.
.
If he dreamed, he didn’t remember it. He remembered dozing off, remembered drifting down. Then there was movement next to him. Voices.
“Turn around. Leave him alone.”
Vash’s eyes flew open.
He shut them again just as quickly, and tried not to move. The voice that spoke next—put that thing down, nobody has to get hurt—was familiar. It was one of the strangers from the last settlement. They’d followed him here to kidnap him, but they hadn’t expected Claudia to be there. She had a gun, but would that be enough? What if they hurt her? What if she had to do something she’d feel terrible about later, something she couldn’t take back?
What can I do? There has to be something I can do.
Metal clicked. Claudia’s voice grew fierce. “Get back.”
“We’re not leaving without the Plant,” said one of the men. “You can move, or we can move you.” His voice was harsh, angry. Move meant hurt, Vash knew, but Claudia…
“I’m not the one with a gun pointed at me, am I?” More clicking metal. Claudia must have known, too, but she wasn’t afraid at all. “Vash isn’t going anywhere. That’s not happening. So, I want you to ask yourself one thing: is this worth your life?”
I’m not. I’m not worth anyone’s life. I have to stop this.
The tents were nearby. Guards were nearby. The men had managed to sneak past everyone, but if their cover was blown, maybe they’d decide it wasn’t worth it and run. Maybe…
Vash opened his eyes again and glanced over in time to see one of the men reaching for something. A weapon.
He’s going to hurt Claudia.
The scream that flew out of him was instinctive at first, pure blind fear, but quickly became deliberate. He screamed with everything in him, even screamed out to the electricity Plant. Get help, send help, please, they’ll hurt her… One of the men kept coming. Vash stopped to inhale, and as he did, the sharp crack of a gunshot echoed in the truck. Someone fell. Claudia was still upright, but Vash started screaming again anyway. He couldn’t stop. It was the only defense he had. There was a flurry of motion outside, voices, shouting, but Vash didn’t stop screaming until he heard one voice in particular.
“What happened? Who was shot?”
Brad was there. Brad was there, and Claudia was talking and okay, and the man she’d shot was still making noise so he was still alive. Vash could finally stop screaming, but he couldn’t stop shaking, even when Brad scooped him up in a tight hug. “Easy, easy, you’re okay. Easy…”
It wasn’t until Vash had a tight grip on Claudia’s sleeve, until their eyes met and he could see that she really was unhurt, that the shaking started to slow.
“I want to go home,” Vash whispered. “I want to go home.”
“We’re gonna go home.” Brad smoothed down Vash’s hair a bit clumsily. He wasn’t used to giving physical comfort, but he was trying. “Let’s get you over to Luida, okay? I’ll try to figure something out with the truck.”
The first thing Vash saw when they got out of the truck was Luida being physically held back by one of the guards. She went from scared and furious to relieved when she saw the three of them walking towards her. “Are you okay?!” she said. This time, she was able to push past the guard without any resistance. “What happened?!”
“Claudia handled it.” Brad glanced at her approvingly. “Guys from the other settlement. I’m going to see if we can move up the charging queue. Have you got Vash?”
“I’ve got him, I’ve got him.” Luida hugged Vash tightly as soon as she could. “Oh, I’m so sorry, you two. Neither of you are hurt?”
“Shaken, mostly,” Claudia said. There was still a bit of a tremor in her voice. “I’ve…I’ve only shot cans with this thing…” She must have seen the surge of guilt Vash felt, because she immediately added, “Don’t. Don’t apologize. I’m glad I was armed. It was my choice.” She rested her hand on his shoulder. “I just wish you didn’t have to see that.”
So did Vash. The night hadn’t been enough to hide all of it. It had been horrible. But at the same time, it had been necessary.
Spiders and butterflies.
.
Someone gave up their spot at the charger so they could leave early. Once Vash paid a quick visit to the Plant to let her know he was okay, there was nothing to do but wait. Vash was still shaky, enough so that his prosthetic trembled. He’d put it back on because having both hands made him feel safer, but now he wasn’t sure that it would be much help.
“You’re really okay?” Vash asked Claudia again. “You’re sure?”
“I’m okay,” Claudia said, still patient with him as ever. “I’m not hurt. That was scary, but I’ve had scary before. What about you?”
Vash looked down at his still-shaking hands. “I just want to go home. I’ll be better then.”
“I feel you.” Claudia took both of his hands. That helped the shaking a little. “You were really brave, though. Everything’s going to be…” She hesitated, as if she’d heard something, and glanced over her shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay now.”
It was then Vash noticed a strangely familiar feeling. It took him a moment to realize where he’d felt it before. In his bathroom, the day Nico left. He even thought he caught a glimpse of that flickering darkness when he looked over Claudia’s shoulder. Was Nico coming back to him? Or…
Or was Claudia leaving?
Vash met her eyes. Her eyes darted back and forth, like she was trying to think of an answer, but Vash didn’t need one. He let go of her hands so he could give her a tight hug. “Thank you,” he said.
Before they could talk about it—if they ever were going to talk about it—Brad walked over. “We’re charged up enough to get back. Claudia, you coming?”
“Oh, I…” Claudia stepped back from the hug without completely letting go, glancing over her shoulder again as she did. “I appreciate the offer, but something’s come up. I have to go. Another group is giving me a ride.”
“Best of luck to you, then.” Brad’s hand rested on Vash’s shoulder, starting to steer him away. “C’mon, kid. We’ve got to go.”
Vash didn’t want to let go at first. Even if he understood what was going on, he wasn’t sure he wanted to lose Claudia just yet. But he had to go home, and she had to go…wherever it was she was going. But he knew one thing for sure.
“I’ll see you later.”
Maybe then they’d have time to talk about it all: about how Vash knew, about where Claudia had come from before and if she knew Nico at all. For now, Vash contented himself with the knowledge that she’d be there again one day.
He hoped one day he’d be able to return the favor.
.
The first thing Vash did when they got back to Ship Three was take the longest shower he was allowed. He watched the sandy water swirl down the drain and hoped all the bad memories would go with it. By the time he was done, he was exhausted. He was out cold the second he lay down in bed.
He woke up to the news that all off-ship expeditions had been cancelled for the immediate future. Rumors were swirling around the cafeteria that immediate future might become indefinite. Even though he tried not to eavesdrop, Vash heard snippets of other horror stories. Other people had gotten hurt during a simultaneous expedition. The risks were too high. Luida spent most of the day in meetings and Brad worked on Vash’s prosthetic almost obsessively. Vash watched him work and didn’t ask about what was going on.
He held off talking about it until he couldn’t anymore.
“How’d the meeting go today?” Brad asked. They were eating dinner in Luida’s office for some privacy. After all that time on the road, having it be just the three of them was nice. It didn’t make the prospect of hearing bad news any easier, though.
Luida sighed and set her fork down. “You’re both going to find out anyway,” she said, “so I may as well tell you now. Off ship expeditions are no longer a priority. We’re going to shift focus to Geoplant research and attempting to make contact with Earth. And…we won’t be sending you out anymore, Vash.”
It took a second for the sentence to sink in, but once it did, Vash felt like he was going to throw up. “Wh…b-but what about…?”
“Those men were going to kidnap you, Vash. The charge station reached out with a full report. They had no intention of letting you go. There’s too many people out there who see you as a resource. It’s not safe for you.”
“But…no. No, I…I can still help, I can…” Vash’s chest felt tight; his one remaining hand clenched at the knee of his pants, twisting the fabric, trying to hold onto something. “I’ll be careful, it won’t happen again…”
“You can’t guarantee that. And it’s not just you. Other experienced engineers have nearly been taken. They’re already pulling crew members out of other settlements and considering moving the ship.”
“B-but…” That’s different. They can’t do what I do. They’re not like me. “I have to. I have to, I can’t just stay on here and not do anything, I can’t. I… I don’t want anyone to hurt more. I can still do it.”
Let me do this, please, let me help, I can’t just sit here and take up space again, I can’t do that again, I can’t, I can’t…
“Vash.”
Strong hands gripped his shoulders. When he blinked the tears away, Brad was kneeling in front of him, holding onto him. “You’ve done everything you can,” he said quietly. “None of this is your fault, understand? You’ve done everything you can, and we don’t want you to get hurt. If anything had happened to you out there, I never would’ve forgiven myself.” He squeezed Vash’s shoulders tightly. “If you don’t stay here for yourself, do it for us. Please.”
…oh.
The words cut the rope binding Vash’s chest so tightly. He stared at Brad, then at Luida. She was staring at him like his arm had started bleeding again, her own eyes starting to well up with tears. “...don’t be sad,” Vash whispered. He wiped his own tears away, but more replaced them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
“Oh, honey,” Luida said.
For a second she sounded like Rem.
Vash started crying at the thought. He tried to stop, but he couldn’t. Brad pulled him out of the chair and into a tight hug. “You don’t owe us an apology,” he said. “Any of us.”
Vash clung to him tightly. Luida joined them in the hug. Their arms felt like the only thing holding Vash together, trying to shield him from the unfairness of it all.
It didn’t work completely, but he was so grateful they were trying.
.
They finished the movie that night.
It felt a little weird at first, sitting down and doing their normal thing as if the day hadn’t been so stressful. It took longer for Vash to get pulled into the world than it had before. Even when he did, it felt a lot scarier than he remembered, full of battles and burning forests and death. Even in a fantasy world, you couldn’t escape it.
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?
But Luida loved this story, Vash reminded himself, and she wouldn’t have wanted to show it to him if everything stayed this horrible. There must have been something to make it better.
And it did. The sun rose. Help came. In the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. And when Vash found himself pressing his face into his blanket, muffling tears, it wasn’t from sadness. Not entirely. There was some sadness, sure, for all the things in the story and for all the things that he hadn’t had the chance to cry about yet, but more than that, there was relief. Relief that the tide had changed. Relief that, in his world, he still had Brad and Luida next to him, Claudia and Nico somewhere out there in his future.
There’s some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.
By the time the movie was over, Luida was wiping away tears, too. Brad may not have been crying, but his face was soft in a way Vash rarely saw. For a moment, they were all silent, each sitting in their own emotions.
“That was a really good movie,” Vash said finally.
His voice cracked. For some reason, that made the sentence hilarious. He and Luida devolved into tearful laughter; even Brad couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “I’m glad you liked it,” Luida said finally. “I think I needed that. I think we all did.”
Vash agreed. He went to bed that night with a lighter heart and the speech still running through his head.
There’s some good in this world.
Even if it was hard to see, there was so much good.
.
He was still thinking about the movie the next morning. About all the good outside, and the darkness it had to face. It was worth fighting for, and while he might not be able to fight for it now, he wanted to one day. There were still people who needed him. Plants who needed him. A brother that only he could handle, should it come to that. Vash doubted that Nai had given up on whatever plan he had that easily, and if he tried to hurt anyone Vash cared about again…
I might be the only one who can do something. He didn’t like to think about it for too long, but he knew it was the truth.
Well. The truth in theory. In practice, Nai was stronger. He always had been. He could do things with his Gate that Vash couldn’t, and he’d had more practice, besides. If it came down to a fight between them as Plants, Nai would win every time.
So, Vash told himself, you’ll just have to figure out something else.
It was that thought, combined with the memory of Claudia and her pistol, that drove him to the firing range. He a little worried they wouldn’t let him in, but under the supervision of someone from the security team, he was given access to the pistol.
It felt just as heavy in his hands as he remembered.
“There’s nothing in it right now, but you treat every gun as if it’s loaded, okay?” The officer, a stern lady named Annie, adjusted his grip on the pistol. “Never point it at something unless you’re ready to pull the trigger.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I can show you how to load it when you’re ready. I’ll be right behind you.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
He wasn’t sure when he’d be ready for that. For now, Vash just wanted to remember how it felt. To figure out if it was something he could do again. Vash double-checked that the light above the shooting range was green before raising the pistol.
If you shoot someone with a gun, it kills them.
He stared down the sights and imagined someone at the other end.
But you need a gun to protect yourself.
He shivered at the thought.
So how can you use a gun without killing someone?
Is that even possible?
Vash lowered the gun and stared at it again. He wasn’t sure. But if he wanted to leave the ship ever again safely—if he wanted to help ever again—he’d have to find out.
He definitely had enough time on his hands.