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“Tim, it’s your turn,” Dick said with a grin. Tim just looked up, perplexed, as if this rule of the game was completely foreign to him. Apparently, you actually had to play along in games.
“Come on, substitute. If I have to put up with it, so do you.”
Tim glared at Jason and normally Jason would laugh louder, but in this case, a shiver went down his spine. He suspected that he had just done something really stupid. As if to prove it, Tim put on his predatory smile, which he normally only used to intimidate the disrespectful Wayne Industries competitors.
“Have it your way: I’ve never beaten up one of my siblings and then written a note in their blood.”
“Tim,” Dick cried out in horror.
“Uh oh!” exclaimed Stephanie enthusiastically instead. “Tim plays dirty.”
Jason growled. “All right, if you want to play it that way so bad, let’s play it that way. But you’ll regret it.”
With that, he took a hearty bite of Alfred’s Hell Wafers while his eyes sparkled green.
Duke had not wanted to understand at the beginning why this game decided who ate the waffles. Alfred was an excellent cook and so it was usually a reward to be allowed to help himself to his cookies or cake. The sight of others struggling to eat the waffles made him lose his appetite. Luckily for him, no one had said anything that applied to him yet...because this family was crazy.
Jason firmly claimed he had never missed sleep for a case that could wait. Everyone looked at Tim expectantly. Except that Tim wasn’t the only one grumbling as he ate something; Dick also reached for a waffle.
“You guys really need to take better care of yourselves,” Duke muttered, ruining his invisibility. Dick glared at him with a raised eyebrow. If only Duke had kept his mouth shut.
“I’ve never used my powers to blind myself and fall down the stairs before.”
Duke gasped in betrayal before hissing, “I told you that in confidence.”
“I’m sorry,” Dick said. "All's fair in war and love," which wasn't fair. Duke was the only one with powers and thought Dick was nice until now. Duke would be careful in the future. He ate a waffle and got sick. He fell over backward and lay slain.
“Pathetic.” Damian insulted him with a roll of his eyes.
It probably shouldn’t surprise Damian anymore how pathetic his family was. Still, he had to admit that he couldn’t ignore this contest. Duke had already dropped out of the competition and ghost seers could probably see his soul hovering over him. Only five opponents remained, which had to be defeated. Soon enough, the others would surrender as well, and then Damian would be the first to help himself to as many of Alfred’s cookies as he wanted next time. This prize was worth every bite of poison, even if Pennyworth had probably not used any deadly ingredients. Still, that didn’t change the disgusting end result.
“I’ve never been adopted by a rich man who dresses up as a bat in the night,” he declared, watching proudly as Cain, Drake, and Todd took a bite. Stephanie grinned nastily in, while it also shocked Damian to see that Dick wasn’t touching any of the waffles. “Grayson, I expect you not to cheat.”
Dick just smiled at him. “Bruce never officially adopted me. Nice try, but you won’t get me that way.”
Damian’s eyes widened in shock. “He never...?”
Todd groaned in frustration. “As soon as this torture is over, we’ll talk about it. Can’t be that that son of a bitch is really doing everything wrong.”
Normally Damian refrained from doubting his father, but in this case it was probably appropriate, even if he didn’t admit it out loud. Instead, he focused on something he could influence: finishing the game as quickly as possible. “Cain, you’re up!”
Cass took a deep breath. She had gotten better with words, but it still took her a little while to get it together enough in her head to say it. Steph sat back as if they had all the time in the world, but Damian was impatient and so Cass preferred to hurry.
“I’ve never...” The first words were easy, because she had already practiced them over the first few rounds. The ones after that were a little harder. “Said more than a hundred words for a day.” Cass had tried. She had practiced reading books aloud, but even then it had been hard for her to get even close to fifty words. It was a slow process, and this time it benefited her because everyone had to eat something.
She heard Damian swallow, and Tim was also looking green around the nose by now. They wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long, especially since there was something suddenly mean about Stephanie. It scared Cass.
“I’ve never trained on the League of Assassins training grounds before,” she explained, and now almost everyone was yelling out. Cass took her defeat in stride, but Tim’s looks probably could have stabbed Stephanie.
“All you had to do was say something. We could have easily changed that,” Jason grumbled, but took a bite, as did Damian. Dick had to take a bite too, and Cass wasn’t sure she even wanted to know when it happened.
“I... I can’t take it anymore,” Tim gasped, before falling over backwards like Duke and closing his eyes. Fortunately, not forever, but it was close enough.
Stephanie loved how everyone around her suffered. There was something good about not being a family for so long, and not having worked under Batman for so long. There were far fewer statements that applied to her.
Jason's eyes kept changing to green, making Stephanie suspect the Lazarus Pit was helping him. Unfair.
“If Timbit gives up, I guess it’s my turn again. Brace yourselves,” he warned, and there was something animalistic about his grin. No one was impressed. “I’ve never fought one of my brothers before because he’s come back from the dead and decided to take over Gotham’s underworld.”
“Dick,” Dick muttered before taking a bite, as did Damian and Cass. Stephanie just smiled and waved as sweetly as she could. For Jason’s wedding as Red Hood, she had been out of town. A bit of a shame, because she certainly could have helped Tim, but in this case, she had no regrets.
Dick looked at the remaining waffles. There weren’t that many left, but still enough. It would be an uphill battle not to eat more, but he would manage. He would knock out a few of his siblings with his next set. Except ... he couldn’t think of anything. It would have been easier in the old days, but by now, Dick had been through so much that there was hardly anything he hadn’t done. And somehow he had a feeling that there would be more things before the next game.
“I’ve never...” he started, trying to buy time, but Jason was already giving him an annoyed look, which was why he took the first best thing he could think of. “... Owned a pet.”
“You grew up in a circus,” Stephanie said, unimpressed, and Dick immediately put a hand over his heart in indignation. “But they weren’t pets. They were workmates.”
Jason rolled his eyes but bit into a waffle; after all, he had had a dog as a child. And of course Damian ate a waffle, too, even if several would have been appropriate with all the animals he owned. Dick said nothing, however, because Damian seemed to be struggling through this one already. I wonder if he wouldn’t give up after this one already. It looked quite like it.
“You should take one too,” Jason said, glancing at Cass, who tilted her head in confusion.
“The one next to you is just as much trouble as a pet,” Jason declared, and immediately Stephanie gave him a middle finger.
Cass took it calmly, though, and shook his head. “Not a pet. Girlfriend.” And with that, she stroked Stephanie’s hair, which did absolutely nothing to invalidate Jason’s argument.
“I... I can’t take it anymore,” Damian explained, gasping, before dropping the rest of his waffle and hanging his head in defeat. Dick wanted all too much to reassure Damian and put a hand on his shoulder, but there was still Duke between them. Besides, Damian probably wouldn’t consider it comfort, but a taunt.
“Then there were only four,” Jason muttered.
Stephanie looked tensely at Cass, but before she could say anything, the alarm clock rang. Shocked, they all looked into each other's eyes.
"Speed round!" declared Stephanie immediately. Alfred would be in the kitchen in five minutes and all the waffles had to be gone by then, unless they wanted to explain to him why it just wasn't the case. No one wanted that.
"I've never worn a Robin costume," Cass said firmly, and Steph gulped. This couldn't be true! A glance around told her that no one had seen it coming.
Dejected, Stephanie shared the last two waffles with Dick and Jason.
"Congratulations," Stephanie muttered, but everyone in the room knew she wasn't serious. Cass had won and unfortunately that came with the prize of them all lying on the floor groaning and listening to their taste buds die.