Chapter Text
Zuko didn't know how long he had been running from the fire nation. All he knew was he ruined any chance of regaining his honor. His father made it clear he could never return home by declaring him a traitor. Zuko tried to stay away from any villages after seeing his wanted posters on every community board.
He couldn't even buy any food even if he was allowed in the villages any ways as all the money was left on the ship. The only reason Zuko hadn't starved to death wandering in the wilderness is because of all the books his mother read to him on plants all over the world and which ones were poison or not. On ones he wasn't sure, he just avoided them all together.
But just avoiding villages wasn't enough. He also had to avoid travelers who might have seen his wanted posters.
He had cut off his phoenix plume knowing how easily identifiable it made him. He now had a bit of fuzz growing on top of his head. He stole a cloak from some other travelers as well to cover his very prominent scar.
He had to ditch his mothers blue spirit mask and hide his dao swords under his cloak as well as they stood out a lot too.
As Zuko walked through a forest, he couldn't quite keep his thoughts from spiraling. He tried to avoid thinking too much about what had happened, but he couldn't keep the thoughts from flooding his brain any longer. His own mind was all he had at the moment.
Zuko has never hated himself more. Why couldn't he just let Zhao take the Avatar? Why couldn't the Avatar just shut up about dumb frog and not give their position away? Why couldn't he just have captured the avatar first? Why couldn't he just have kept his mouth shut at the meeting like Uncle had told him?
Uncle... he was the only one to stick with him through banishment, and he betrayed him. What did uncle think of him not? Zuko managed to burn every bridge he had. He had no one. What was the point of running. Zuko should just muster up what ever honor he had left and turn himself in. It is what any good prince would do, but Zuko was never a good prince was he?
Zuko felt his steps begin to slow and he he began to drag his feet. He felt pressure start to build behind his eyes. He isn't going to cry, he swears he isn't. He's too old to cry. He's almost sixteen, he shouldn't cry. If his father saw him like this, he'd give him a reason to cry. But he'd never see his father again, he'd never see his sister or the fire nation or...uncle.
Zuko felt his knees buckle beneath him, this is why he tried not to think about this for so long. He couldn't hold back the tears any more, they started to rapidly fall down his face as chocked sobs escaped his throat. He was alone, he had no one. All the nations would kill him on site. Was hiding for the rest of his life really worth it. His only goal for the past almost three years was getting back home and proving to his father that he was a good prince and a worthy son, worthy of the love and praise his father always gave Azula. What's the point of him living if this is how he'd be spending his life. Constantly looking around ever corner for danger. Always scared and starving.
What was the point of living? The thought began to over take all others. Of course Zuko had thought about it for a while now, but usually he'd be able to push the thought away. But now he just didn't have the energy.
A sudden wave of numbness fell over Zuko. The same feeling he had when he woke up scarred and banished with an impossible quest he had to complete just to go home. But now he didn't even have that. He had absolutely nothing to keep living for. The world around him suddenly ceased to exist. Of course Zuko new that wasn't true, the world kept moving as it always had. Without him. Zuko was trapped in an endless cycle of disappointment. Anything he did ended up with him back where he started. The unwanted prince, the weak and useless child of Ozai.
Zuko reached into his right boot. He pulled out the knife his uncle had given him. Never give up without a fight? What a joke. Where has fighting ever got him? He fought Azula when she picked on with him and he always got in trouble with their father for it. He agreed to a fight with a general, or so he thought, and ended up against the fire lord. He fought his crew, and that didn't earn him respect. They just hated him, especially Lieutenant Jee. He fought Zhao in an Agni Kai and even though he won the battle he manged to still lose, alone and traitor of his home.
He looked into the reflection of his knife. He angled the knife to the right side of his face. His eye was puffy from the tears, even his least shameful side was pathetic. Zuko didn't dare tilt his knife to the left side of his face, he already knew it looked atrocious. Zuko turned the knife the sharp end was pointed towards him. He was selfish enough to steal away the fire nations only chance at victory in the war. What's one last selfish act. Zuko closed his eyes and tilted his head back.
He felt like a character in one of his mother's old scrolls. His mother, what would she think? She'd probably be sad. But who cares what she thinks. She left him. Everyone leaves in the end.
With that last thought Zuko plunged the knife into his throat.
The last thing Zuko saw before the world faded to black was blue. A tear dripped from the young prince's eye as he thought of how beautiful the color truly was. Like the waves that used to beat against the shore of ember island. Those were simpler times. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine himself there right now, building a sandcastle with Lu ten. On the bright side, at least he would finally get to be with Lu ten again. He missed Lu ten a lot.