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For as long as he can remember, Dan Heng has been having nightmares. Dreams of a fantasy world where he sees a man that looks just like him.
In his dream, the man was often hurting. He was betrayed, he was shunned and hated. He loved and lost.
He was forced to endure years of suffering in a cold, dark prison.
He was eventually killed and born anew. He lived alone after that.
Going from place to place, surrounded by different people, seeing different sceneries, under different skies.
He eventually found a home on a train with an endless track, with stations scattered across the entire universe. And then he fell in love again.
In his dream, the man's past eventually catches up to him. He was killed by someone who used to love him. Someone he used to care about.
In his last moments, he saw the faces of two people. One, a dark haired man who he once cared deeply about, and who used to care about him in return. A man who now has only hatred and contempt for his very identity. The second, a silver-haired man. Someone he loved, someone who loved him. His face was full of sadness, anger, regret; despair. Even after he closed his eyes, he could hear him mourn.
Dan Heng, the university student, does not understand these dreams. He also does not understand why the main character in it is surrounded by men, of all things. He considers them a sort of past time, like when his family watched a late night soap opera that he didn't mean to get into but it's played every night they have dinner together and before he realises he's accidentally invested. Every time he thinks it doesn't matter, he considers the possibility that it might. He didn't know what to think of that fact.
In this particular version of earth, as he is aware there are others like his, human souls are as much a part of nature as biology is. It is shown as markings on your body, pattern-like texts written in nature's language that tells the story of 'you'. There are whole fields of study dedicated to trying to decipher these texts, –categorising its shapes, density, colour– but a large part of it remains a mystery; Common knowledge surmounts to a branch of personality tests, generic fortune-telling, and what is known as the 'soulmate identifier'. The mark you have on your palm, particularly, will be a mirror image of your soulmate's, so that they cover each other completely when you put them together. These marks, once put in contact with each other, will swap colours within a few days if they are a pair– The gesture is symbolic more than functional. In the scientific literature, they're mostly a sign of romantic and interpersonal compatibility, but most people believe it's a part of something greater.
The particular details of it escapes him, as he had no interest in romance, but he does remember that a select few people will also have 'memories' associated with their soulmate. Almost like an alternate reality, the source of these 'soul marks' are thought to be your life from a different universe, and your soulmate was your lifelong partner in that reality. These are all speculations, of course, and there's no way to confirm these theories outside of hazy dreams that people have of their soulmate before they met them.
Dan Heng was vaguely aware that his dreams are an example of that phenomenon, but seeing how sad the story was, he wasn't exactly looking forward to any of the people in his dreams. After all, what if he was destined to be with the guy who killed him? Would he get killed too, in this universe? And the other guy was no better, since he watched him die in his arms without being able to do anything. That would make the guy's life terrible. He'd rather live a peaceful life alone than fall in love with someone who will kill him or have his partner watch him get murdered. Worst of all, what if both of them were his soulmates, and he's bound to repeat the same fate?
That's too much drama for a university student to handle. He just wanted a peaceful life. A 9-to-5 job with spare time to read books and casually learn anything he wants to learn.
He stood up from his seat at the receptionist table in the library, pushing thoughts about the dream away. It was rare that he had the dream during the day, especially since he was only asleep for maybe 5 minutes. Not to mention, every time he wakes up from those dreams, it's like every brain power he has is dedicated to trying to remember more. As if the dream is something that was necessary for him. In a sense, it probably was, but he can't have that right now, not when he's in the middle of working.
He walks to the book return basket to try to distract himself. The library an hour before closing time is extremely empty, and even if there are still people around, there are almost no new visitors. He picks up a few books and stifles a yawn as he walks to their respective shelves, returning them one by one. After the third book, he heard the telling creak of the front door opening. Since he didn't see any movement from the few people inside, he walked to the reception table to see the poor soul who had to visit the library so late in the afternoon.
It was like he was seeing a ghost. An image, rather than a person. He recognized the man. He remembers his face, he remembers his silver hair. He's shown up countless times in his dream.
They stared at each other for a while, expressions equally shocked. "Um…" The man started, and Dan Heng realised he's been standing there staring at a stranger for an embarrassingly long time. It's mended by the fact that the stranger probably has the same thoughts, but still. He pushes all of this away and tries to calm down.
"Ah, yes. Sorry. Can I, um… help you with anything?" Dan Heng said, brain running almost in autopilot as he heard his heart beat louder than he thought was possible.
"Y- Yeah. Actually. I needed a specific… book. I was hoping you could search for, um." The man held out a piece of paper he was holding, and Dan Heng noted how his hands were covered in golden marks.
He shouldn't do this, he thought. Trying to see if your mark matches someone else's is a very intimate thing to do. You shouldn't be so conscious of someone else's mark unless you're considering a serious relationship. Granted, the dream kind of spoils it for people who have them, but Dan Heng doesn't even know the guy's name yet.
He gulped and accepted the paper, way too conscious of his own teal markings as he did. On it was the title of an old reference book for organic chemistry, a 10-digit ISBN, and a striked out writing that said 'department archive', below that in a different ink, 'campus library'. Dan Heng remembers a couple students visiting the library looking for the same one a few days before. He browsed through the database trying to see if there's still some copies.
"The… public copies have been lent out. There are a couple on the shelves, but you're not allowed to borrow it." He said, decidedly avoiding eye contact.
"Oh… That's- My friends did say they got it here so… That makes sense. Okay. The library's closing in…" He looked at his wristwatch, "Okay. I'll just… Come again tomorrow."
"...Okay." Dan Heng replied, and sensed that the man was staring at him. He knew why. They had to address it at some point. He looked back at him, to those honey golden eyes.
It's funny, most of his memories about the man revolved around his shock and horror when he died in his arms. It was not like he had feelings for the stranger. He was simply a face that showed up in his dreams a lot. But still, the face he remembers was full of pain, full of terror. Sure, he has happy moments, silly moments, but remembering the end of their story, those smiles didn't feel the same.
"..."
"..."
"...You're… Dan Heng." The man spoke finally, and Dan Heng felt his heartbeat stop.
"...That I am." He replied, hesitant.
"...Do you know my name?"
"...No." He said, and the man was visibly disappointed. It was funny how expressive he was, or rather, how much Dan Heng can read his expressions despite not knowing anything about him.
"But I do know you." He reassured, and the man let out a big sigh.
"Oh, thank god. I thought I was hallucinating for a second."
"Me too." He still thinks he's hallucinating, actually, but he's not going to say that.
"What is your name?" He asked after a beat of silence.
"Caelus." He said, and Dan Heng felt like something in the back of his mind was unlocked. He remembers saying this name, over and over again. Or rather, he remembers hearing himself say it. It was a bizarre feeling. Like a movie starring himself but he's never recorded it.
"...Nice to meet you, Caelus."
Caelus likes to think he lived a fairly fun life. Growing up without a father was lonely, but it became less so as he befriended more people, so that was exactly what he did. He had friends from all around the world, and not a day goes by where he’s not up to something. These days, most of his loneliness came from the man inside his dreams.
He sees him quite often, this man called 'Dan Heng'. He sees him spending time in his room, reading books. He sees him smiling at him tenderly, lovingly; he sees himself smiling back. He sees them adventuring together, running away from cops, fighting side by side.
More often than not, he sees him dying right in his arms.
His dreams are always quite noisy. He couldn't figure out why he was always hearing people around him despite being in a seemingly empty room. Even the most tender of moments sounded like he was in a crowd. But the moment he saw Dan Heng die, everything was quiet. He did not understand these sounds, he thought it was just a metaphorical representation of… something profound he hasn't figured out yet.
In his dreams, the man called Dan Heng was a noble. An elder of a certain clan, someone who did great things. He does not remember fully, but he knows Dan Heng had a dark past, and no matter where he went in the universe he couldn't escape it. Not even in his dying breath. In his dream, he was Dan Heng's one chance to be normal amidst all the epic battles he had to face, all the responsibilities he had to carry.
The real Dan Heng, or rather, the Dan Heng that he's come to know, is nothing of the sort.
The Dan Heng in his world still loves to read; he speaks with full stops and has the eloquence of a textbook despite talking about the most mundane things. The Dan Heng in his world has an affinity for coffee, something he’s picked up from his mother. He also lives a quite simple life. Two years older than him, working part-time at the campus library and studying records management. He wants to work in the heritage sector, which he explains is like museums and galleries, because he's been fascinated by history ever since he was a child. Caelus once asked him what’s fun about reading old books and documents, and he went on a lecture that lasted the entirety of their lunch.
He didn’t have to think about how sad ‘he’ was in his dreams. That person was not him. He didn’t have to think about how tragic ‘Dan Heng’’s life was in his dreams; The real Dan Heng’s current worries include spending too much time reading that he falls asleep during his shift, and the fact that the cafe near campus changed the variety of coffee beans they use, and he didn’t like the current one. These ‘memories’ that show up in his dreams are not his. They are a story of a life that someone else lived. Or maybe they are just fiction. There would be no difference in Caelus’ life either way. It doesn’t change the fact that Dan Heng is now happily ignoring his existence, reading the books Caelus had in his room.
“Dan Heng.” He said after finishing his cup of tea. The dark haired man looked up and snapped out of his reading.
“Oh, Yeah. Sorry. I was… Your books are very interesting.”
“...You’re reading about chlorinated solvents.”
“And how to remediate its contamination in groundwater, yes.”
“I thought your thing was history?”
“I read anything that gives me insight on how the world functions.”
“Of course you do.” Caelus said with a laugh. Dan Heng is an interesting man. Far more interesting than anyone he’s ever met. He doesn’t know what it is about him, the fact that his expression is so much lighter in the real world than in his dreams, or the fact that he finds a book about chlorinated solvents interesting enough to be absorbed in it despite being on what is essentially a house date. Or maybe it was just how it was. Some things in the world are written by nature on your very skin. Caelus has silver hair, his father died before he was born, he’s always looking for new things to do. He likes to hang out with friends and gets lonely pretty easily, and he’s attracted to Dan Heng.
Maybe that was just how it is.
“Did you forget what you came here to do?” Caelus said, staring fondly into Dan Heng who was returning Caelus’ textbooks back to the shelf. Dan Heng stopped his movement for a brief second, and then looked at Caelus who was sitting on the floor. He sat back down cross-legged, facing Caelus fully.
“I didn’t.” He said, almost whispering.
“Do you still want to do it?” Caelus confirmed again.
“Well, I…” Dan Heng hesitated,
“I’m single at the moment, and I am not interested in anyone. Studies have proven that break up and divorce rates are much lower for people who are… soulmates, and although I’ve stated that I had no interest in romance, I did not mean that I do not wish for a partner. It is true that it hasn’t been a long time since we’ve met and we still don't know much about each other, but I am interested in you, and well… I already know, You are…… We both already know. So, this is more of a formality, and it doesn’t do much of anything. And uh….” He trailed off from his ramblings, or maybe his voice was getting so small that Caelus couldn’t hear him anymore, he didn’t know.
“...That is the first time I’ve heard you not make sense.” was Caelus’ first reaction, and Dan Heng’s entire face flushed red. Caelus just smiled at him. For someone usually so put together, he is extremely flustered. He pulled his legs against his chest, locking his arms in front of it. His heart was beating loud. The rate at which he was falling in love with the dark haired man was alarming. Way too fast, I don’t think I can stop.
Dan Heng was right. This serves nothing but a formality for them. But still, exchanging colours usually meant that you were trying to pursue a relationship together. To most people, this is something that can become a big hurdle to overcome. Historically, people would have ‘close matches’, be attracted to people that have similar marks, but only exact matches are considered ‘soulmates’. Although similar patterns can be identifiable at first glance, you wouldn’t know if it was an exact match unless you did this. So if you tried to exchange colours but couldn’t, that was usually a challenge to your relationship.
Dan Heng and Caelus didn’t have a relationship. Not really, anyway. They met only a few months ago, and sure, they’ve been on a couple dates, but you don’t propose to your partner after just a couple of dates. More importantly, you don’t propose to your partner before becoming partners . This was by all means, a bizarre situation to be in. But here he was, experiencing it.
Slowly, he extended his hand. “Let’s just do it. If it doesn’t work out we can ignore it and go back to our lives.” He spoke softly.
“Right now…?” Dan Heng looked at his hand, worried, confused. He was also excited about it. Caelus knew. He didn’t know how, he just knew.
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged, and Dan Heng nodded. “Just a formality.” He repeats, mainly to himself.
“Yep. Give me your hand.” He gestured with his finger for Dan Heng to come closer, and he did, extending his left hand.
The touch was electrifying. Almost shockingly so. Caelus flinched when his palms touched the other fully, feeling something flowing through him. He looked up at Dan Heng. He was staring at their hands, almost mesmerised. They both raised their free hand to repeat the process with the other side, and after a few seconds that felt like forever, they shifted their fingers to lock it with each other’s.
“This feels… weird.” Caelus' voice felt like it was shaking.
“The literature described it as a tingling sensation akin to a small electric shock. I guess that is the best way to describe it, but it’s different from that, I think.” Dan Heng replied to him, but he was still not looking at Caelus. He could see that his face was flushed, and indeed, Dan Heng’s hands felt cold. Both of their hands are.
“I wonder if electricity is actually flowing through there.” Caelus said, internally cursing at his inability to stay quiet when flustered.
“No, they have tried measuring it using virtually all parameters known to man. Nothing that’s happening here is observable by anything else other than us.”
“Of course you would know…” Caelus almost grumbled, rolling his eyes in fondness.
“Of course I do.” Dan Heng chuckled, and finally raised his head to face Caelus. They stared at each other for a while, feelings indescribable. The longing and ache that they felt is nowhere in proportion to the fact that they barely know each other. In his head, Dan Heng almost leaned his face towards Caelus’, but he immediately shifted his gaze down to their intertwined hands. Caelus did the same, and hesitantly, they pulled it apart.
He knew what was going to happen. He knew this was going to be the result, but seeing it with his own eyes felt bizarre. The markings on his palm have been gold since birth. Seeing it bear a shade of teal on the centre was almost too weird to be real. He rubbed the colour with his fingers, as if it was just a stain that would go away. It didn’t. And in a few days, the colour will grow to change the marks on his entire hand, halfway to his elbow, almost like a glove. This was his soulmate’s mark. This was permanent.
“It was a success.” Dan Heng’s words were so calm, it sounded like an observation for a lab experiment rather than a once-in-a-lifetime event that defined a huge chunk of their future.
“Well, what did you think was going to happen?” Caelus went back to hugging his legs, hands extremely cold from being too nervous. He’ll stare at his hands again later, when he’s free to squeal and squirm. Right now he has to act serious.
“That it wasn’t gonna work, and I’m not your soulmate after all?”
Well, as serious as he can ever be.
“No- That’s… Not what I mean. I am simply… in awe.”
“Because of me? Aw, Dan Heng, stop it. I’ll blush.”
Dan Heng looked at him exasperated, “You already are blushing.”
Caelus' face was genuinely shocked at the bite back, though the gasp might be him exaggerating it. “Wh– So are you!”
They both looked at each other before bursting into laughter, all the nerves in their body finally relaxing.
They still have a long road ahead of them. Learning that Dan Heng’s birthday was just around the corner, for example. Or that Caelus’ mom arrived home early and is about to ask him about the extra pair of shoes in the entrance. But they’re certain of one thing. In this world, no tragedy will befall them as cruelly as it did in their dreams. They will live a normal life, and maybe if they’re lucky enough, they can share that life with each other. Eventually.