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Izzy sighed when he heard another annoyed meow from the carrier.
“Not a chance buddy. We’re going to see today if I’m destined to be forever alone because I decided to adopt a menace.”
His only answer was aggressive scratching on the plastic walls.
He’d gotten Kraken seven years ago (well, the shelter called him Ed but he was a menace that could hold onto him with his tiny knives like an octopus so Kraken it was). Back then he was just a tiny adorable black kitten. He still couldn’t understand how anyone could have tried to drown him in the river. It still pained him that someone could be that cruel.
Maybe that was the reason for the cat’s wild anger episodes. His toe still hurt from where Kraken had bitten him just a week ago.
Despite that, he loved him to death. And he knew he was loved back in return. Kraken could try to pretend he didn’t like scratches or toys but Izzy knew better, that little fucker was a whore for cuddles (but only when nobody was looking).
The trouble with Kraken was that he didn’t really get along with anyone, humans or cats, which led to the few romantic relationships he had to an end.
He could always give Kraken up but even the thought of it pained him. He adored Kraken no matter how toxic their relationship was.
A pleading meow sounded from the carrier.
“Yes, I love you too, Kraken, but I need you to be on your best behaviour today. I really like this one.”
“Stede?” called out Lucius frantically for the third time, looking for his idiotic orange tabby that was probably stuck somewhere like the last time and the time before that.
He checked the toilet as Stede seemed to have a weird fascination with it… nothing.
He checked his wardrobe as Stede seemed to love his clothes, especially his silky bathrobes, always marking them with his fur… nothing.
He checked the balcony where in the evening Stede liked to catch insects and sometimes eat them only to throw them up later… nothing.
Where else could he be?
He had agreed with Izzy to meet at half past two and it was already almost three. Even if the traffic would be good, he’d be late. But how could he have possibly known that his cat would get lost in his small apartment?
He had gotten Stede a year ago after a couple had to let him go because their kids were diagnosed with strong fur allergies. At first, the cat was sad, always looking out the window, probably thinking he was just on vacation and his old family would come back. He didn’t really know when it clicked for Stede, that cat was a bit of an airhead sometimes. But at some point, he realised he was there to stay and claimed the flat as his, and Lucius became nothing but an assistant that had to constantly get him out of trouble.
Stede’s past might have been why he bailed as soon as he took out the carrier. He thought they were getting better at this since Stede loved his trips to the groomer but they also recently visited a vet after his latest adventure of trying to play with glass shards (from a glass he threw onto the floor). He left the office with a very fancy white collar he absolutely hated.
A crash.
Lucius ran into the kitchen… and there he was, his idiotic cat on the floor, covered from head to toe in marmalade. Lucius grabbed him before he could escape.
“You are way too sticky but we don’t have time so I guess you’ll meet Kraken covered in marmalade.
Stede let out an offended meow.
“And whose fault is that? No, you could’ve met Kraken at your best but you made a decision. Now, off you go.” He closed the carrier. “Time to meet your new friend… Hopefully.”
Ed was angry. He’s been stuck in this fucking thing forever and they weren’t even going anywhere!
He knew why it was. His human was putting that weirdly smelling sticky paste into his fur. It meant only one thing - he was trying to bring another human into his space.
He licked his paw. Well, his claws were ready.
The door clicked. He couldn’t really see much through the bars but he guessed that the new human was there. Followed by… a meow? Come on! The last time his human brought another cat, he almost bit the cat’s tail off because Badminton was an overbred fucker who deserved it and more. His owner, Nigel-something, had left in tears. He thought his human had learned his lesson.
Well, clearly he had not. Time to bite another tail.
Stede felt embarrassed. It was his first time meeting another kitty and he looked like a mess! He tried to lick the (very tasty) marmalade off his coat but there were simply places where he couldn’t reach.
He really wanted the other cat to like him. His human was fine, sometimes even fun, but another cat? That would be so fab!
He once again tried to lick the top of his head. No chance.
He hoped that the cat would like him regardless of his appearance.
“Sorry, I’m late.” was the first thing Lucius muttered when he went through the door. “Stede’d managed to hide from me and then spilt marmalade all over himself.”
He gave Izzy a quick peck on the cheek.
“Well, Kraken seems to have gotten quite restless in the carrier,” Izzy said nervously, “So if he gets too much, we’ll have to leave this meeting for another time.”
Lucius looked at the black carrier with skull stickers all over it. “You could’ve left him loose. Stede’s clumsy but mostly harmless.”
“Kraken isn’t,” Izzy said slowly. “I might have forgotten to mention that the last time another cat was here, he almost bit his tail off.”
Lucius gave him the “Are you fucking kidding me?” look. “And you forgot to mention that until now? I don’t want Stede to get hurt. He’s an idiot but he’s my idiot!”
“That’s why I put him in the carrier. It’ll be fine. If he doesn’t like him, then he’ll stay in the carrier.”
“He cannot stay there forever, can he?” Lucius stared at him. Izzy looked at his feet. They both knew what it would mean. Neither of them would be okay with giving up their cats.
A meow woke them from their melancholy as they both turned to the turquoise carrier.
“Of course, I will let you out now your Royal Highness of Stickiness.”
He gently placed the carrier on the floor and opened the door.
“Hello?” he meowed as he slowly walked out of his transport box. He tapped the rug with his paw. Not the softest but acceptable. He looked around. No other cat seemed to be nearby.
He felt sad. Did the cat leave because they arrived late? Was he not worth waiting for? He simply wanted to go on an adventure to get his favourite treasure - marmalade. Did he once again mess up everything?
A hand on his bum startled him as he was pushed towards another transport box. This one was black with grey smiley faces on them… interesting.
Were they going anywhere else?
Was he being given up?
Was he going back to the lonely place?
He didn’t like the lonely place.
He stopped going to the transport box and instead laid down on the carpet with his paws up in the air. Was he destined to be alone?
Both Izzy and Lucius watched as Stede stumbled out of the carrier before he ultimately collapsed on the carpet with sad-sounding meows.
“What the fuck he’s doing?”
Lucius shrugged. “He’s sometimes weird like that.” They stared at him for a bit before deciding that since the cat wouldn’t move, it was time to release the Kraken.
“Well, here goes nothing!”
Ed was sitting there, waiting for the cat to approach. He couldn’t wait to see which overbred fucker it was this time.
The cat that walked into his sight was not what he expected. Its fur looked soft, very soft… maybe even extremely soft but some parts of it were stuck together with some yummy-smelling sticky substance.
“Hello?” sounded an elegant meow in the room. He pressed himself into the darkest corner of the carrier, watching what he assumed would be his prey until… until the cat stumbled onto the carpet, breaking down in tears. For some reason, he wanted to get out of the box to be able to help this adorable feline. What in the world?
Suddenly, the bars on his carrier opened. He carefully stepped out to not freak out the cat even more. He could see his ears perk up.
“Hello,” he meowed.
The cat looked up and meowed back “Hello!” before hurriedly trying to put his paws in the right order on the ground. When he finally succeeded, he licked his paws and rubbed his face. “Sorry for my appearance. I might have stumbled into a pickle before I was carried here.”
He was staring. He was staring! But he couldn’t help himself. This cat was so cute!
“I’m Ed.”
“Stede.”
He watched as Stede tried to lick a bit of the sticky stuff off his twitching ear.
“Let me help you,” he heard himself meowing before he moved close to Stede and licked his ear. He’d expected it to taste like glue or some other foul-tasting sticky stuff but instead, he was met with a delicious flavour. He moved to take another lick and another before he was basically on top of Stede, his paws on either side and cleaning his soft fur with all his might.
A wave of vibrations shook Stede’s body. He looked up to see him purr with happiness, his cute little face all scrunched up in it.
He purred back in return.
“What the fuck?”
They were both staring at the supposedly ferocious cat completely at ease next to the orange tabby, purring, licking and in general looking very content.
“Well, that went well,” said Lucius.
Izzy only nodded. He felt a strange pang of jealousy. Kraken have only ever shown affection towards him and now this weirdly emotional tabby cat comes here and steals him?
“Now that the cats are busy…” He turned to see Lucius making bedroom eyes on him.
Okay, maybe having somebody to keep Kraken busy wasn’t so bad after all.
“So this dog always comes when the sun starts to go down, barks and then I simply turn around and I show him my asshole to show him who’s the boss here.”
Stede listened very intently. There were so many fascinating things to learn.
“Sometimes my human has food delivered by a fellow human on wheels. If the human has a bald spot and silver fur on his face, you go and stand by the door. You’ll get a nice pet. If the human has dark fur, don’t bother.”
This place was so exciting!
“This is the best spot for staring,” tapped Ed on a worn-out spot on the carpet. Stede moved to sit there.
“Why are we staring?”
Ed smirked. “To get extra treats. Works every time.” Before Stede had time to meow anything, Ed was already running to a cat tree. “And this–” He jumped at the highest spot. “Is where I sleep.”
Stede carefully started to climb. His limbs weren’t the best at cooperating which was why he usually just curled up in his owner’s bed for the night.
When he failed to reach the top spot for the fourth time he let out a frustrated meow.
Ed looked out of his spot. Normally he would have been annoyed by incompetence but there was nothing normal about today. He never would have thought he would feel safe to let another cat into his sleeping spot, let alone helping him to reach it.
He jumped to Stede and nudged him to try again. When he once again started to slide down he used his body to prompt him up.
“This is so fab!” meowed Stede loudly from the top. Ed soon joined him.
Stede was laying on his worn-out red blankie which he loved and he was about to snatch it back from him when Stede let out a purr. “This one is so soft. Is this your favourite one?”
He nodded.
The cat then took it into his mouth and draped it over Ed before snuggling to him.
“You wear soft things well.”
His heart stopped. He wanted to say something but before he found his meows Stede let out a tiny snore.
He licked the top of his head. Stede was right, it was time to rest.
Ed woke up cold.
Where was Stede? Did he need to pee? Had he gone exploring?
He looked out of the window. It was dark outside. This meant that his human probably already went to bed.
He looked around. Where could Stede be?
Was he in the kitchen? No.
Was he in the bathroom? No.
Hallway? No.
Closet. Also no.
That left the bedroom.
It would make sense. Stede could’ve gone exploring and then gotten closed in by his human when he went to bed.
He started clawing at the door, meowing loudly. He didn’t care that his human would be grumpy. He needed his Stede.
Izzy woke up to ferocious meowing and scratching.
“What the–” He opened the door and Kraken went through it.
He watched as the cat ran around like possessed. First, he dove under the bed, then he ran under the curtains fighting with the tassels, before he launched himself under the covers, crawling from corner to corner, and then he finished his tour de panic by jumping to the wardrobe clawing at the door - all while meowing desperately.
Izzy just rolled his eyes, wondering what type of temper tantrum was happening this time.
He prepared himself for not getting any sleep tonight. At least he stayed polite while meeting that other cat.
He wasn’t there. He was gone.
He ran to the door. He has been abandoned.
He collapsed on the doormat.
A week later…
“How’s your cat?” wasn’t the first thing Lucius expected to hear from Izzy instead of the usual “Hi, babe”. He looked at Stede who was proudly grooming himself. Ugh, he could already see another hairball forming in this cat’s future.
“He’s fine.” Pause. “Wait, did something happen to Kraken? Is it contagious? Is Stede going to die?”
“No! No! Babe, no. It’s just that… He’s been staring at the door since you left and he refuses to eat. I’m worried about him.”
“Have you taken him to the vet?”
“Yeah, but he’s fine according to him.”
“Oh.”
Lucius looked down at Stede who was now licking his uhm… private parts.
“Stede seems completely normal.” He thought back for a bit. “Though I did find him in the carrier five times this week. He normally hates that stuff.”
Stede looked up at the mention of the carrier from where he was licking himself with his leg up to his head before scrambling up to stand and failing because he forgot to put his leg down. Instead, he just ended up as a pile of fur on the floor.
Lucius watched as the cat got up, fluffed up his fur and then gave him the look “I’m a perfection, you didn’t see anything”. His Majesty then quickly ran to the closet that held the carrier.
“You said your cat had gotten depressed after my cat left?”
Lucius was now following his cat, grabbing his coat and a scarf on the way.
“Not really depressed–”
“Izzy, I think we’re stuck in a cat romcom.”
Ed felt lost. Nothing seemed to bring him joy anymore. Not getting treats, scratching his human’s couch or chasing his own tail. He even stopped shoving his asshole at the neighbouring dog because that activity now reminded him of Stede.
He hated him. How could he have left him? And right after showing him his sleeping spot and a blankie… Well, not anymore. He’d stopped sleeping thereafter he found a piece of Stede’s hair on it.
He now spent most of his day staring at the door, hoping that one day the cat of his dreams would return. But with each day, his hope was getting smaller and smaller…
Stede was excited! He was going to see Ed again! And his human even dressed him up! His tail was wiggling as he looked in the mirror to observe the turquoise bow around his neck.
It looked fab!
He couldn’t wait to show it to Ed!
Ed watched his human putting that weirdly smelling sticky substance in his fur again. He tried not to get his hopes up.
Not that other humans would visit them often but over the years his human went through a couple. Maybe he already moved on to another one, his dream cat forever lost to another.
The bell rang.
They both looked at the door with expectations.
His human took one last look into the mirror before he opened the door to reveal… the same human from a week ago.
He jumped at him, making him stumble. He was hanging off his trousers with his claws trying to get to the carrier.
The human yelled, shaking his leg, trying to get him down. He wasn’t gonna budge. He held onto his leg with all of his cat strength.
“Get him off me!” The human was yelling. Then a pair of hands grabbed him and they tried to detangle the claws of his right paw from the jeans.
“Not a chance,” he thought to himself as he held tighter, sinking his claws through the fabric into the skin.
With a yelp, the human dropped the carrier. The cat inside made a meow of help.
Immediately, Ed let go and ran to the carrier.
And there he was… So fluffy, orange and was that… a bow?” So cute.
He meowed in excitement, clawing at the bars.
“Don’t look at me like that,” said the other human, “I’m not getting close to that monster. It’s your cat, deal with it.”
His human sighed before he heard careful footsteps behind him. From the periphery of his vision, he could see a hand getting closer to him.
No! They won’t part them again!
Every single hair on his back went into a standing position. His tail wiggled threateningly, giving a clear “Don’t come closer if you don’t want to die a painful death and let me feast on your decaying remains.”
Despite that, the human came closer.
He hissed.
The human hesitated.
He hissed again. He had to show his human who was the apex predator here.
He caught a movement behind him. Somehow the other human sneaked around and his hand was now on the carrier.
He was jumping before he’d even processed what he was doing, ready to sink his teeth into the juicy-looking hand. Before he could, the hand was moved away and he could only watch as he flew over the carrier before crushing to the floor.
He was breathing heavily. He will get his revenge! He will kill them both! He will-
“Hello, Ed,” the familiar meow greeted him.
Right before him was the cat of his dreams looking at him concerned.
Damnit! He was supposed to look tough, not like a pancake dropped on the floor!
A lick on his cheek stopped all of his thoughts. He couldn’t stop the loud purr spilling out.
“I missed you.” Another lick. “I hadn’t managed to say goodbye last time and my human took so much time to take me back.”
He was barely listening. Stede was there with him. That was all that was important.
Stede was now cleaning a tiny scrap from his earlier fall and he was in heaven. He gently tapped his shoulder with his paw, signalling he wanted a cuddle. Stede immediately obliged, continuing his tiny licks.
He could get used to this, he thought. Just him and Stede ruling this apartment. Yeah, that sounded nice.
“Shouldn’t you go to show the dog your asshole? The sun is going down.”
Stede remembered! He remembered his tour! But the thought of getting up from Stede’s warmth didn’t sound good to him right now. “Nah, I have better things to do.”
He could see Stede’s ears droop a bit.
“But we could do it tomorrow if you want? Do some synchronised asshole-showing to that stupid mutt?”
Stede looked at him with excitement. “I would love that.”
Both men observed the cats’ interaction
“I don’t think he’s letting him go any time soon.”
“Or ever.”
“Or ever,” said Lucius. He turned to Izzy: “So, when should I move in?”