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Martyn @littlewoof
I JJST SAW MY GF KISS A GUY AT THE CLUB LMAO???
Etho @ethostab
sucks to be you lol
Martyn @littlewoof
what the Fuck is this
Martyn @littlewoof
Okay the guy she’s cheating on me with is actually astronomically hot and I don’t know how to feel about this
Martyn: [Image]
Martyn: I’m so disappointed in you False
Martyn: You cheated on me.
False: Martyn I can explain
Martyn: YOU GUYS WERE CAUGJT KISSING. ON CAMERA.
False: Ren just likes to kiss his homies goodnight!
Martyn: Oh so his name is Ren??
False: First name Ren last name Dog middle name Diggity
Martyn: Okay that just sounds false, False
False: We’re childhood friends I swear it’s not like that
False: as if I would like that dumb sunglasses guy who’s utterly incapable of managing himself
Martyn: I saw my girlfriend kiss a hot guy and it’s not cheating??
False: Wait you think Ren is hot?????
False: Are you /srs or are you /j
Martyn: he’s hot /srs
Martyn: So I just found his account and he tweets shit like “ladies get in line, baby!! 😎” like he’s clearly flirting with you
False: Actually he tweets stuff like “ladies, gentlemen, everyone can get in line!! 😎” so if he’s flirting with me, then he’s flirting with everyone in the galaxy
False: YOU included
Martyn: Well me? 😳
False: …
False: I think we should break up.
Martyn: Hey THAT’S my line??
Martyn: Wait. Are you trying to break up with me first before I break up with you as a girlboss maneuver?
False: yeah so?
False: I don’t think we would’ve worked out anyway
Martyn: You’re right there’s no room for two girlbosses in a relationship
False: I don’t appreciate your quirky oneliners and you don’t appreciate my food ramblings about rough peanut butter
Martyn: Yeah I don’t actually
Martyn: You know what, I bet that Ren Dog fella appreciates your food ramblings
False: Yeah we drink cranberry juice in the kitchen. It’s for old people.
Martyn: Right…
Martyn: I would dramatically tell you to move your things out of the house but I realize we never shared an apartment
False: I would tell you to give me back my stuff but I realized I never gave you anything
Martyn: Actually how did we get together??
False: My parents saw us and assumed we were together and we rolled with it???
Martyn: ????
Martyn: This is hurting my brain lol. Bye I guess
Martyn: I would say it’s fun while it lasted but it actually wasn’t
False: Ratio + L + you have bad taste in men
RD @renpog
Just ended a relationship today! 😥 >.< RD
Skizz @skizztheman
So sorry to hear that Ren! How are you feeling?
RD @renpog
I’m fine ☺️ it wasn’t my relationship :D RD
Martyn @littlewoof
@renpog Hey friendly question: why did you kiss my then-gf?? Didn’t you know she was taken?
RD @renpog
It was a /p smooch not a /r one! <3 RD
Martyn @littlewoof
WTF is a platonic kiss??
RD @renpog
I can give you one if you like! :D RD
Martyn @littlewoof
Oh. 😳
False @symmetea
Why do I feel like I’M the one being cheated on…?
Martyn @littlewoof
A genuine question: What are the moral implications of finding the guy your ex cheated with hot?
RD @renpog
Everybody can get in line to get a piece of this Diggity Dog! 😏 RD
False @symmetea
go to horny jail
both of you
Martyn: You know what
Martyn: I’m glad you at least cheated on me with a guy who’s hotter than me
False: Pls stop calling Ren hot I’ll block you
Martyn: Respectfully speaking, do you have eyes?
Martyn: Have you seen his luscious brown fur and delectable lips??
False: Oh my Pearl /neg
Martyn: (PS: it’s Tsuki 😒)
False: Fineee I’ll abide with the Lumian police
False: by the way Ren is currently trying to move on from his ex without much success
False: They had a really close bond, like cyborg to cyborg communication
Martyn: Oh.
Martyn: Hmm.
False: rip if you’re looking for a rebound
Martyn: Unless… 👉👈
Doc @dadkisser
I’m back in town!
With so much drama in this ga-la-xy
It’s kind of hard bein’ Goat D-O-single-C
But I, somehow, some way
Keep comin’ up with funky ass shit like every single day
RD @renpog
Doc!! My main man!! The father of my babies! So good to see you back! Wanna get a coffee some day? :D RD
Doc @dadkisser
Ren. I’m with Dinnerbone now. We’re over.
RD @renpog
🥺
fruitussy @blueballs
NAUR?
H @CatmaidHBomb
Ren got rejected… not so pog now is he
False @symmetea
Aha that’s karma for you 😏
Ren: False im so sad 🥺😭😭 Doc doesn’t want me anymore!! I can’t believe someone doesn’t want me!!
False: Okay Ren I have a suggestion for you
False: Why don’t you try getting to know Martyn?
Ren: But he’s your ex?
False: Yes but I have a list of reasons why:
False: 1) he’s a theatre kid
False: 2) he has sassy one liners
Ren: …And?
False: 3) he has a green colour scheme like everyone else that you have dated
Ren: Oh my Pearl you’re so right
Ren: Thanks Falsie! :D
False @symmetea
What am I doing why am I setting up my ex with my childhood bestie
Martyn @littlewoof
gurl what??
False @symmetea
Get OUT I thought I blocked you from this account?
RD @renpog
I’m about to go on a date :D wish me luck <3 <3 RD
H @CatmaidHBomb
Good luck Ren :D I’m always a simp for you!
fruitussy @blueballs
i dont wanna be a child of divorce anymore 🥺
Martyn @littlewoof
Alright guys I’m about to learn what a platonic kiss is! 😎
BigB @notthesmallb
Don’t know much about kissing but it doesn’t sound very platonic does it
RD @renpog
Well I think the date went well :D Martyn was very very sexy in that maid outfit ;) RD
False @symmetea
Good for you! Now I never want to hear about this ever again
RD @renpog
>.< I hope Martyn finds me charming too :D
Martyn @littlewoof
Oh my Tuski. I have been Irreversibly Changed.
Martyn @littlewoof
I love him. I’m in love with Rendog. /SRS /R
Martyn @littlewoof
My liege! My king! Get me a shield and I’ll follow you to the ends of the universe!
Martyn @littlewoof
I’m applying blush to his handsome face. Why simp for the bottom when you can simp for the top?
Martyn @littlewoof
I have now centered the entire narrative of my life around a man. I’m hopelessly devoted to his cringefailness now. What the Fuck
Martyn @littlewoof
He took me in when I was a lowly traveler, going across the planets searching for the four corners of this galaxy. I learned there was nothing in this universe for me, nothing but walls, corners, edges. And you know what? He showed me life. As much as I took it from him, he gave it back to me in bucketfuls. I’m with him. This is us, now. This is us.
BigB @notthesmallb
Congratulations on the boyfriend. Or I’m sorry that happened
Etho @ethostab
Why is Martyn writing homoerotic poetry on main? Someone hold me I’m scared 🥺👉👈
Doc @dadkisser
Martyn’s got it bad. Lol 🤣
False @symmetea
Sincerely cannot tell if I just made the best or worst decision of my life setting those two up
H @CatmaidHBomb
I mean… it seems to be going well?
Stress @stressplonker
Either way I’m super glad you dumped that PLONKER! 🥰🌸✨u should’ve done that AGES ago luv!! 💖He’s good for NUTHING!! 😘💐🔪💞WE SHOULD BURN MARTYN!!! 😍🔥
False @symmetea
At least Ren is living his best life. Live, laugh, love 😏
Doc @dadkisser
@symmetea SHUT UP ABOUT LIVE LAUGH LOVING!!! I still haven’t forgiven you for breaking my trident!
Gem @geminislay
Umm @symmetea you did WHAT
False @symmetea
Oops? 👀