Chapter Text
A stampede of people rushed by, their screams filling the air. A woman tripped, nearly falling to the ground before Noir caught her by the arm, her hat falling askew in the fuss.
“Thank you,” she rasped, stopping only to catch her breath before rejoining the crowd.
“What’s going on?” Noir shouted after her.
“Floating man,” she said, or at least something to that effect, before being swallowed up by the frenzy of people.
Well, that didn’t sound good.
Noir had been on the trail of an important someone or other’s stolen family heirloom for the past couple of days, and his latest and most promising lead had led him here, to a building overlooking Coney Island, which just so happened to be the direction everyone was fleeing from right now. The case wasn’t particularly exciting and it wouldn’t be all that rewarding in any sense other than monetarily, but hey, his bills weren’t going to pay themselves. His Spider-Man-related escapades were more than enough to make up for the duller jobs. Speaking of which. There weren’t any inconspicuous places nearby and it wasn’t worth the risk of someone catching him in the act of scouring buildings without his suit on. So, Noir set off on foot, weaving in and out against the current of the people. He’d have to find somewhere closer to change.
There was a low buzzing sound simmering beneath the cries and panicked yells, growing louder with each passing second. Something small rushed past his ear. Then again, and again. Once the crowd had thinned out enough for him to pause, he looked behind him and something flew into his chest, getting caught in the fabric of his shirt. A bee. He gently pulled it off, and let it go, watching as it sped off in the very direction people were fleeing from, joining hundreds of others of its kind. Huh.
Soon after passing under the entrance archway he found an empty gift shop to duck into. Now it wasn’t obvious what was happening just yet, but something that repelled people and attracted bees en masse sure was something Spider-Man had a better shot at solving over Peter Parker, at least that’s what his gut told him. Maybe it was a giant flower. Suited up, Noir shot out a web and pulled himself up to a higher vantage point. Thankfully there were only a few stragglers left fleeing the scene now. He jumped from building to building, billboard to billboard before settling atop the highest drop of a roller coaster track. Immediately something caught his eye. The sight of which nearly made his heart stop.
Color.
There was a cape, flapping about in the wind, hovering ten feet or so above the ground. Noir couldn’t remember the name of the color, it wasn’t on his rubik's cube, though the flicker of color surrounding the cape was. Orange, or yellow, it was difficult to tell with the way it was shifting, streaks of an all-familiar gray weaving throughout. Well, that explained where the bees had been headed. He’d never seen so many in all his life. They seemed to flow like liquid.
He observed for a moment longer when the deep buzz morphed into something, something that sounded almost human. A laugh. It cut off abruptly, distorted, and the creature, or rather creatures, convulsed in an explosion of colors that Noir couldn't hope to name even if he'd tried.
If its stark contrast to the rest of his world hadn't made it obvious enough already, then that confirmed it beyond a shadow of a doubt. It was from another dimension. Which meant…
“How did you get here?” shouted Noir. The words had left his mouth before he could think better of it and the creature seemed to lock in on him in an instant.
“How did I get here?” it said back. Its voice was rough, with a strange echoey quality to it. “What an odd thing to ask. Wouldn’t you rather know what I am?”
“I can see that well enough already.”
“Would you like to know why I think I’m here?”
“World domination?” With villains of this caliber it almost always was.
Another low rumble of laughter. “It has been so long since I have spoken with a human."
A bee much larger than the rest emerged from behind the swarm. Its eyes the same enigmatic color as the cape, its body decidedly yellow. The bees then took on the shape of a man under the cape, who stood, or rather hovered at the large bee’s side.
"So I will allow myself the indulgence of talking to one, if only for a moment," he said.
“Do you have to?” replied Noir.
“Ahhh. You know, it is almost exhilarating to hear something outside of myself again. Particularly a human. I was human once too, and I went by another name back then. Based on the era I appear to be in, perhaps you've heard of it?"
"I’m gonna be honest, I really don't care–"
Wait. He had actually heard it somewhere before. Or rather he’d read it, in a report of suspected nazis and nazi sympathizers.
“You're a nazi.”
“Yes. Now I am one who is many. Swarm. And I shall conquer this world, as I have my own, for her, through her.”
Noir dodged the bumper car that was flung his way, then leapt off the roller coaster track. Mid-air he fired his pistol at Swarm. The bullet passed straight through his chest. Now it’s not like Noir had really expected that to work, but you can’t really fault a guy for trying. After all, nazis aren't typically impervious to bullets. He landed on the boardwalk when his spider sense went off. He leaned back, narrowly avoiding a flying billboard that almost took his hat, along with his head. Without looking he aimed a web backwards then flung the billboard back to its sender. Swarm dispersed before it hit.
“See how they obey my every whim without question? It is thanks to her!”
The giant bee darted towards him, her stinger poised. He dodged her lunges and struck back, but she was surprisingly fast for her size. The buzzing of wings and blur of yellow was almost enough to make him dizzy, but he fought through it. She glitched, creating the opening he needed to deliver a right hook mean enough to make her stagger backwards. He shot out a web pinning her to a wall. Swarm might be intangible, but this bee sure wasn’t. So he pulled out his gun, only before had the chance to aim a whirlwind of bees surrounded him, a sea of gray obscuring his target from view and forcing him away. Strangely enough he couldn’t pick out even a single yellow bee among them. Some of them endeavored to sting him but it seemed as if his coat was too thick for them to pierce.
Swarm grumbled in frustration. "The bees of this world, they are too weak.”
“Then why use them at all,” shouted Noir. Every time he pushed through them, they reconvened around him again.
“You think I’d sacrifice any of my hive on the likes of you?” His cape was just about visible behind the gray, where the yellow bees were still granting him a human-shaped form. “Once my hive is established here and the rest of my army is born, I will have no use for them. And before long this drab world of yours will finally know color."
“Hate to burst your bubble but it already does.” He did anyway, and news of his rubik's cube had traveled far enough to make New York even more of a tourist hotspot.
“Is that so? Well, I’ll see to it that you never see that color again.”
He shot a web to the side and tried to pull himself away, but he only made it so far. The sea of bees descended upon him. Swarming the surface of his goggles, they darkened his vision entirely. They weren’t heavy, but they were so tightly packed in that he could barely move his arms. If Swarm attacked now, he’d have only his spider sense to rely on, that's if he didn't suffocate first. Swarm cackled and cackled as he fought to free himself. For the briefest of moments panic flickered in Noir’s chest. And then, out of nowhere, the cackling cut off.
Noir could just about make out two new voices, beyond the incessant buzzing all around him. At first he feared some civilians had wandered back onto the scene, but as he listened harder…
“What are you doing?!”
“Oh, hey Miguel! Fancy seeing you here!”
Wait.
Noir's breath caught in his throat. The second voice, it couldn't be…
“I told you to stay put!” said the first person.
All of a sudden Noir felt something wrap around his middle, and he was twirled around closer to the voices. A spider cocooning its prey, why was that what he had pictured? Not that he knew what that felt like, not that he was at all fearful. Should he be fearful?
“Well look, I got your bee-shaped man already. Man-shaped bee? Whatever, I got him!”
Now that he was closer there was no mistaking who that voice belonged to. A giddiness was building up inside of him.
“You idiot, that's not the anomaly," hissed the other person.
“Whaddya mean it–” Ham gasped. Evidently his spider sense had gone off just as Noir’s had. Not the one that tells you to MOVE, GET OUTTA THE WAY, SCRAM, the other one, the one that he'd felt on approximately three other occasions. The warm, comforting one that felt like a greeting. The one that says, this person, they're like you. You're not alone.
“Noir, is that you under there?"
“Sure is.”
Noir was certain his voice wouldn’t carry through the sheer mass of bees currently occupying his face, but Ham’s delighted chuckle suggested otherwise.
"Help me get them off him would you? Got any insect repellent?"
“No," came a very flat reply.
"Allow me," hummed Swarm, his voice vibrating around Noir. "I forgot that humans don't tend to cook quite like other threats to the hive. No matter, I’ll dispose of you some other way."
Then his vision cleared, the weight lifted, and there was Spider-Ham in all his glory, with a great big grin on his face.
For about one second anyway.
Something slammed into Noir, hard, sending him flying. And with a sickening crash he landed against a shelf of snow globes, littering the surrounding area in shards of glass. He'd smashed straight through the opposing wall of what seemed to be a gift shop. Next to the hole he'd made on impact was another hole, the outline of which was distinctly Spider-Ham shaped. Looks like someone else had been distracted too. Ham was slumped right next to him, quite literally seeing stars. Noir stared for a moment, in awe of the way they sparkled and swirled around his head. Eventually he stood up, dusting glass shards off his coat and was about to offer his friend a hand up when without warning said friend leapt up onto his chest, gripping the collar of his shirt.
“Good to see you again,” said Noir, he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. He should have probably been asking how the hell he was here at all; it had been his first thought when confronting Swarm. But when someone you thought you’d never see again is hair's breadth away from your face it’s easy to forget to make sense.
"It’s good to be seen!" said Ham.
There was a crash from outside. Oh right. Noir shook off the remaining shards from his hat, then straightened it. “Should probably deal with that mess before we catch up.”
"Yeah."
As he took them back to the scene, Ham climbed up to perch on his shoulder. “Interdimensional watches, portals, anomalies, Spider-Society–” He was talking so fast Noir could barely keep up. “But yeah, details after we catch this thing.”
Killing him seemed tricky enough on its own. “You want to catch him?” he asked. That hardly seemed worth the effort it’d take.
But Ham had already launched himself at Swarm, hammer at the ready.
Soon enough Noir caught sight of the other voice, or rather the other person, just as they caught sight of him.
"Spider-Man," said Noir, tipping his hat in the other man's direction. Well, he looked like a Spider-Man of some kind anyway, what with the spider emblem on his chest.
The man's mask did little to hide the furrow of his brow, even from a distance. “Great,” he said, “Of course, of all the universes in all of the multiverse I run into another one of you guys already!” He dodged an assault of bees, then pointed at Noir. “We're having a talk after this. You too!”
Ham, who was in the process of picking up a sign that had been torn off one of the rides, let out a sigh. “Aww but I already sat through the last talk!”
“And if you'd listened the first time you wouldn't be here right now!”
"Spider-Man? Is that what you're supposed to be as well?" said Swarm, he was looking straight at Noir but managed to catch Ham's attempt to smack him with the sign from behind.
"I eliminated Spider-Man once before. So I shall take great pleasure in eliminating three more." He slammed Ham into a wall with the sign, pinning him beneath it. "Starting with this one here."
Ham pushed back against it with his legs. "I actually go by Spider Ha–agh!"
Noir slipped down next to him, there wasn't enough space to use his legs but he could push back with his arms. With their combined strength they overpowered Swarm, and once there was enough space for him to switch to his legs, they kicked the sign back into him with decisive clunk.
A clunk, huh? Maybe Swarm wasn't as intangible as he'd originally thought. They'd definitely hit something solid there.
Ham turned his head to Noir. "My hero," he cooed, batting his suddenly very prominent and very long eyelashes. From somewhere below, the other Spider-Man grumbled something under his breath.
“So what's with the blue fella with the fancy red webs?"
Ham’s eyes brightened. “Hey, you got your colors right!”
That was why he’d brought up the colors in the first place but Noir’s heart sure did swell with pride all the same.
“I've been practicing.”
For what he wasn't sure. It's not like he should’ve expected to see colors beyond the rubik's cube again. And getting the names of the colors right didn’t matter much when the people of his dimension wouldn’t know the difference. But that was it wasn't it, deep down part of him had expected this somehow, had known it wasn't the end. He'd just tried not to pay much attention to it, to avoid any disappointment.
"Later, if you want, I could teach you some more. You're probably bored of the same old red, blue and yellow.”
Well, maybe yellow.
Noir grinned. “I'd like that."
"Can you guys shut up and focu–"
“I can multitask! Anyway MIGUEL here's all moody ‘cause of the whole stunt we pulled back in Miles's dimension with the collider... Actually, scratch that, I think he's like this with everyone, but the collider thing really made him mad.”
“That was Kingpin's mess not ours.”
"Exactly! That's what I told him. Then he gave me a twenty-minute lecture on responsibility and a half hour lecture explaining how fragile the fabric of the multiverse is. I mean who does he think he is, my uncle?”
“Yeesh sounds rough.”
“You're tellin' me!”
“I can hear everything you're saying,” Miguel shouted, as he shot out another of his fancy red webs and pulled himself out of Swarm's projectile range.
Noir and Ham swung over the counter of a food stand and ducked below it to avoid an onslaught of debris.
“Speaking of Miles, do you know how he is?” Noir would be lying if he said he didn’t lie awake at night sometimes, worrying that they’d thrown him to the lions. Not that he didn't have faith in Miles, he'd come a long way in such a short amount of time. It's just that it would've been a tall order for any one of them, let alone someone who'd only been Spider-Man for a couple days.
“He’s good! I think? I mean I know he’s still alive at least." His ears drooped a little. "I wish I'd been there to see him give Pinhead– er, Kingpin the old what for.”
“Wait, so Miles isn’t part of this, uh what did you call it, a Spider Society?”
“No. He isn’t,” came a firm voice.
Miguel had appeared atop the counter, using a piece of debris to shield them all from another bombardment of stingers.
Noir got up to help push against it with his back, as Swarm continued to pummel it from the other side. “Shame because he’d sure come in handy right about now. Kids got electricity powers.”
“Yeah, and just how the heck are we supposed to beat this guy when we can barely land a hit on him? You seriously didn't bring any insect repellent? A comically oversized water pistol? Anything?” said Ham.
“Most versions of Swarm are psychically connected to their–”
“Queen bee?” said Noir.
Miguel shot him a look as if to say, who told you that?
“Context clues. And I’ve got her webbed up somewhere already, sorry I kind of forgot about that.”
"You forgot."
Noir shrugged. “I was distracted.”
Miguel pinched the bridge of his nose. “Whatever, just show me where. We deal with the queen, it might weaken Swarm.”
Noir nodded.
The pummeling had stopped, so Miguel moved the debris. “You. Make yourself useful and distract him instead.”
“Sir, yessir.” Ham gave a little mock salute then hopped onto the counter. “And you don’t care how I distract him?”
“Right now I couldn’t give less of a–”
“Great!” Ham pulled a book, titled ‘Bee-related Puns’ out from behind his back. "I haven’t had the chance to whip out this old thing since W-M-Bees went on their ‘permanent vacation!’ That’s not a euphemism by the way, they really did go on a permanent vacation. Sent me a postcard and everything. Several actually, see they’re also a bunch of bee–"
"Just go!"
“Alright, alright I am!” And he jumped back into the fray.
Is it bad that Noir was disappointed he’d been cut off?
Well then, back to business. Noir led Miguel behind one of the buildings. It was by no means a long walk, seconds, but even so the man's silence was weirdly uncomfortable. Thankfully the queen was right where he’d left her. He’d been lucky the webs had held this long, and that Swarm hadn’t noticed them yet. The latter of which was a testament to Ham's skill as a distraction. His voice carried quite the distance too.
"Swarm! You really need to bee-hive yourself!"
Noir chuckled despite himself.
"I don't get what all the buzz is about. I mean you're only the second vaguely humanoid hivemind of bugs I've met today. And the other guy was a bee-light!"
Well, that was kind of a weird one.
“Keep this up and one of us is gonna wind up in the wasp-ital. Wait, what's that one doing here? That's not even a bee–”
Noir cringed at the loud clattering sound that followed. Though to his relief it didn’t take long for the jokes to keep on coming again.
"So, what's the plan? Thinking of using her as bait?" asked Noir.
"No, I’m not sending thousands of bees into my universe unrestrained," said Miguel. He ripped the queen off the wall and wrapped her up in a web of his own before she had the chance to escape. “Stand back.”
Noir obliged as Miguel tapped quickly at the bright orange screen of his watch. Well Ham had said something about a watch anyway, it didn't look like any watch Noir had ever seen. There was a sudden burst of light that forced Noir to shield his eyes. When he uncovered them, he was met with something even more dazzling than the orange of the screen. A portal, a glowing tunnel of hexagons. It was downright hypnotic, but he didn’t have much time to ogle.
“What are you doing?!” Swarm had appeared at the end of the boardwalk, and was now approaching at an alarmingly rapid pace, Noir was ready to jump in front of the portal, fists raised when all of a sudden Swarm halted.
"Hey Swarm." Ham had caught him by the back of the cape with a web. “How does a queen bee get around the hive?"
Surprisingly enough Swarm paused to gawk at him.
"She’s throne!" shouted Ham.
Seizing on the not so subtle hint, Noir grabbed the queen and tossed her through the portal, just as Swarm ducked out from under the cape, making a beeline for her, pun intended (what could he say? The jokes were rubbing off on him). Ham fell backwards with the sudden lack of resistance, cape smacking him in the face. Swarm, however, was too late, the portal had closed as quickly as it had appeared, thanks to Miguel.
“No!” he screamed, more tornado than man, now. “What have you done?! Our link! Severed. My control… weakened”.
“Talk about tipping one's hand,” said Noir.
“Why do bad guys always do that anyway?” Ham said, pulling off the cape.
“I wish mine did,” said Noir. It'd be useful.
Howling, pulsing with rage, Swarm took swings at them all. But they dodged and parried the attacks with ease. The bees of Noir’s dimension were already dispersing and with each passing second Swarm grew smaller and smaller until only the yellow bees remained. Even so they weren't out of the woods yet. Pinning him down wasn't an easy task. Even when they worked together they weren't fast enough to keep him in one place.
“I know I’m stating the obvious, but I really think we oughta switch up our approach here!” shouted Ham.
“If only we had some way of luring him into an enclosed space,” mused Noir.
Noir was vaguely aware of a little dinging noise, when Ham dropped down onto him “Noir you’re a genius!” he exclaimed, clasping Noir’s face between his hands. How were his eyes so emotive even under a mask? And his entire face was bathed in a rich warm light.
Only when he pulled away did Noir realize it was because of the yellow light bulb floating above his head. He seized Noir by the hand then shot a web out to grab Miguel and pulled them both through the door to a seafood restaurant. Once inside he nailed the door shut with a board and hammer. Probably would have been easier to web it shut but Noir wasn’t about to critique his methods, they were effective enough, at least for the time being.
“Okay so listen up folks I’ve got an idea! But I’m gonna need a couple things.”
“What do you need?” said Noir, the same time as Miguel gave a resolute “No.”
“First, Miguel, I need one of those trappy things.”
“They’re useless against Swarm unless he flies close enough to the ground to trigger them. By the way, don’t drag me about like that–”
“How close to the ground exactly?”
Miguel snapped the web Ham had pulled him in by. “Close.”
“Helpful. Well in that case I’ll need two. Just to be safe.”
“No.”
Okay this 'as cross as two sticks' shtick was starting to get a little old. And they really didn't have the time for it. “You got any better ideas?” said Noir, crossing his arms.
Miguel gave him a level look, then breathed in deeply. “Don’t make me regret this.” He threw two hexagonal gizmos down to Ham, who snatched them up before they hit the ground.
“Great! Now I just need some paint, a paintbrush, something to paint on and a fake mustache, no, make that two fake mustaches, three if you feel like joining in on the fun Miguel.”
The man in question went over to the door and tore off the barricade. It would have hit Ham if he hadn't moved out of the way.
“Two it is then. Which means it’s your turn to play distraction this time,” said Ham. He picked up the barricade. "Oh and thanks for this. It’s the only thing on the list I didn’t already have.”
“You already have paint and two fake mustaches?” asked Noir.
“Three actually, and of course. I never leave the house without them.”
~~
“You really think this’ll work?”
“Trust me, this old tricks never let me down. Granted I’ve never tried it on someone from another dimension." A flicker of doubt went across Ham's face. Noir didn’t like that he’d put it there.
“I say it’s still worth a shot," said Noir.
With a smile Ham nodded. “Just follow my lead."
And that’s how Noir found himself assuming the role of a mustachioed civilian, taking a leisurely stroll down the deserted Coney Island boardwalk, still wearing his full Spider-Man attire, mask included. Not suspicious in the slightest.
Donning an even more impressive fake mustache, Ham assumed his position, quite literally standing on a soapbox. “Step right up! Step right up folks and feast your eyes on our newest attraction. You sir!” He pointed at Noir, with such gusto that he might've fallen for the trick himself if he wasn’t in on it. “How would you like to be the first human alive, uh barring myself of course, to witness a giant bee!”
Noir put his hands on his hips. “A giant bee? You can’t be serious." He was a terrible actor when it came to stuff like this, but Ham had assured him that it didn’t matter, so long as his mustache didn’t fall off at an inopportune moment.
“Oh but I am! And she’s not just any bee, why, she’s the mother of all bees, the queen bee!”
Now that had certainly piqued Swarm’s interest. He had stopped fighting Miguel, frozen in place, as if every single bee was staring straight at them, because, well, that likely was the case.
"A queen bee you say?” said Noir, stroking his mustache thoughtfully. “Now you’ve got my attention, so how much are we talking here?”
“Oh no no no my friend, you misunderstand me, an experience like this, why it’s free of charge of course! Just step into that booth over there and witness her unparalleled beauty all for yourself!” Ham gestured to the booth in question, which was in actuality a photo booth. They’d webbed the former barricade above it, ‘QUEEN BEE INSIDE’ written across in red paint. The arrows were a nice touch, really hammered the point home.
There was a rumbling sound.
“Don’t,” hissed Swarm.
The bees were fighting to get closer, before being pulled back again. It was like watching a wave fighting against itself.
“It’s a trap!” His voice was shaking.
He was talking to the bees, talking to himself? Whatever semblance of a coherent shape that he was maintaining was lost when he glitched again. And that just about did it, that was the breaking point. Swarm let out one final cry of anguish as the bees won, shooting towards the booth, their movements frantic, all uniformity lost. In a frenzy they piled inside, and Noir promptly slammed the door shut behind them. There was a strange zapping noise and a flash of light, as if the camera had actually gone off. Instead, it was because both traps had activated, the one placed on the ground and the one they’d webbed to the ceiling, between them they’d captured everything. Noir and Ham turned to each other grinning ear to ear.
“Wow. Why was that more exhilarating than actually fighting the guy?” said Noir.
“If you liked that you oughta try my famed ‘painted tunnel gag’, it’s a classic.”
“No idea what that means but you'll have to teach me it."
“Not before you've got your colors down. No villain worth their salt is gonna fall for a painted tunnel gag if the trees on the other side of it are purple.”
Damn now Noir was starting to feel guilty he had nothing to offer in return. Maybe he could teach Ham how to fire a gun or something.
“Hey Miguel, get over here!” called Ham.
But he didn’t reply, instead he was inspecting something. As Noir got closer his body ran cold. It was a corpse, a skeleton, like the bones had been picked clean. He hadn’t seen any civilians around he–
“It’s Swarm’s,” said Miguel as if reading his mind.
Thank god. Though that was strange...
"I shot him,” said Noir, “I guess the bullet must’ve passed straight through his ribcage.”
"And he can manipulate where the bones are positioned. They can separate," said Miguel.
"Ah."
Now things had quietened down, it was starting to get a little awkward. Miguel webbed up the skeleton.
“I uh, didn’t have a chance to introduce myself before, the names Peter Parker,” said Noir, holding a hand out to him.
“I know," he replied, accepting the handshake stiffly, "Miguel O’Hara.”
“I hope you’ve gathered this already but Swarm isn’t supposed to be here. Anomalies like him have been appearing in universes they don’t belong to ever since you and your little friends tore a hole in the multiverse back in 1610.”
“It wasn’t that long ago,” said Noir.
Miguel gave him an incredulous look. “That’s the name of the universe.”
Ham snickered. “I mean you walked right into that one, Miguel.”
It was a stupid joke but he couldn't resist.
“Oh, so you're annoying too. Great.” His expression was so serious, his brow so furrowed, Noir would have had a hard time believing he was Spider-Man if he hadn’t already known that to be the case. “As I was saying, I came here to neutralize and contain the anomaly so it can be sent back to its home dimension.”
“That's the whole purpose of the Spider Society, I think, I mean I haven’t had the complete rundown yet but–”
“You have. You just weren’t listening,” said Miguel.
Noir turned to Ham. “Wait, so how long have you been part of this?”
“About three hours? And I'm not technically a member yet, I don't even have my own fancy schmancy dimension hopping watch. See this?” said Ham, wiggling around the bracelet on his wrist, “It's a day pass, only thing it does is stop me from glitching.”
“Three hours and you just happen to wind up in my dimension? Talk about a one in a million chance.”
“It's even less likely than that,” muttered Miguel.
"I’ve been thinking about that actually," said Ham, "And I’ve narrowed it down to two incredibly reasonable explanations, either we’re dealing with some major plot contrivances right now or, and I like this explanation better, it’s destiny.”
“Destiny,” repeated Noir. It had a nice ring to it even if it didn’t make all that much sense, a lot like Ham himself actually.
"Coincidence," said Miguel. "It’s a highly improbable coincidence. Now stop being stupid you’re giving me a headache."
Noir chuckled. “Not much of a hopeless romantic huh?”
“…What,” said Miguel. And to think Noir had thought his brow couldn’t furrow any further.
"Oh come on don’t be a buzzkill," said Ham. Someone hadn't hit the brakes on their bee puns yet.
“So I take it this was some sort of initiation for you then?” asked Noir, finding it prudent to change the subject for now.
But he hadn't expected Ham’s expression to grow sheepish. “Not exactly…”
“You do that one, one more time by the way and you'll never get your own watch," snapped Miguel.
His ears perked up. “That’s it?”
Miguel scoffed then went over to where the bees were contained.
Ham inched closer to Noir and lowered his voice. “Phew, with how serious he sounded, I thought he was gonna threaten to publicly execute me or something.”
“What's he talking about?”
“I kind of followed him through the portal here when I wasn't supposed to, and he's a real stickler when it comes to where everyone travels.”
"Now why'd you go and do a thing like that?" Noir said through a fond smile.
"To see you obviously!" He cleared his throat when Miguel looked over to glare at him. "Ahem, I mean because of my unwavering commitment to justice."
He lowered his voice even further, "I’d already memorized the name of your universe, 90214B, back when Miles pulled it up at the collider. And then when I saw Miguel type it in on his watch I knew I had to come. Destiny."
"Destiny."
"And I couldn't risk him not asking you to join."
"That’s real sweet, but I’m pretty sure he can hear you."
"I know. But at least if I talk like this I have grounds to accuse him of eavesdropping if he says anything."
Interesting logic. Noir smiled to himself.
"And what makes you think I'm going to invite him at all? Or you after this, for that matter?" asked Miguel.
Ham gave a scandalized gasp. “Eavesdropping! Alright, Noir and I did do most of the heavy lifting back there. You've gotta admit that…" He trailed off when he caught sight of Miguel’s unamused face.
Shaking his head Ham took a step forward, "Look, forget about me, you've gotta give him a chance at least." His voice had taken on an almost desperate edge. It didn’t suit him.
Like he hadn’t even heard him, Miguel pulled up his watch and turned away. “Lyla, run a scan.”
A woman appeared out of thin air, tiny, composed of light. “You got it," she said, before the scan commenced in a flurry of reddish-orange light.
It was over in seconds. Miguel turned back to look at them again. “You got them all,” he said.
At first Noir wasn’t sure what to make of that, the way he’d said it anyway, it didn’t exactly betray what he was thinking, until the portal reappeared before them.
“Wear this," said Miguel. He walked over and handed something to Noir.
It was a bracelet, just like the one Ham was wearing. Blue, with red detailing.
“Would you look at that. We match,” said Ham, who’d already brightened up again.
Noir grinned. “Cute.”
“All the day passes look the same,” muttered Miguel. Then he stepped through the portal, pulling the skeleton along with him.
Ham sighed, staring off into the portal. “If we waited for it to close, do you think he’d bother to come back for me?”
“He’s really got it out for you hasn't he?”
“I’ve been told not to take it personally, but something else tells me I should.” He climbed up Noir and settled on his back. "Anyway, you ready?”
He still hadn't followed up on that lead regarding the stolen heirloom but... what the hell, as if that mattered at all right now. The important someone or other could wait. Noir on the other hand couldn't, not for this, not for another second.
He took a deep breath.
Ham patted him on the shoulder. “Feels a lot better than being catapulted into a universe against your will, don’t worry.”
And with that he stepped through.