Chapter Text
He was exhausted.
After the downfall of the Lord Ravager Phantylia, the Nameless had decided, on good faith, to stick around for a few more days to eradicate the rest of the Antimatter Legion and the Abundance abominations. It also allowed them to check on Jing Yuan as he recovered from the fight. Yet with every day that passed, it seemed the memories from Dan Heng’s past incarnation were fusing with his present ones. There were times where he would be walking down a busy street in the present, only to blink and see the same street centuries in the past. Faces long gone or older in age surrounded him, names long since forgotten yet at the tip of his tongue; his head never stopped pounding with a migraine.
The onslaught of them was beginning to drag him down, his moves becoming sloppy and reckless in his patrols. With no one around to witness his deteriorating state, or his current inability to maintain his normal human guise at random intervals, he hunted down every Voidranger or abomination he could before the early hours of morning. In those hours, he found walking aimlessly after each fight to be more or less therapeutic, free from the prying gazes of those who called the Luofu their home. Even if memories assaulted him during these times, his mind was in such a haze that he fell into half-dozing state while wandering.
His midnight wanderings led him around the Luofu’s delves, a ghost walking the pathways and flying on starskiffs once familiar to him. And tonight… Tonight, they stopped underneath a large maple tree in a courtyard far from the busy streets. Dan Heng had been so deep in his thoughts he had been unaware of stopping. Something red floated by his eyes and Dan Heng jerked violently. On pure instinct, Cloud-Piercer was summoned, blade slicing through the redness without a second thought.
Blood!
No…
The two halves of the maple leaf drifted slowly towards the ground, the epitome of both beauty and heartbreaking tragedy. Dan Heng’s heart pounded against his chest as he struggled to reign in his fight and flight instincts. Trying to quell the shaking of his hand, he dug the bottom of the polearm into the stone pathway to remain still. Breathe in, breathe out. There was no fight, just… Another maple leaf drifted by him, twirling on an invisible gust of wind, inviting him to dance. One, then two more joined it in its descent.
For a moment, his mind cleared of the growing headache, peacefully watching them join their brethren on the ground. Dan Heng’s eyes drifted towards the massive tree in the middle of the courtyard, its branches reaching towards the heavens and displaying its bounty of crimson leaves. It was a sight to behold, yet there was a familiarity to it. A familiarity that seemed to claw into his mind, reaching for the deep recesses of his mind to bring forth memories once forgotten. Attempting to ignore the once-more building pain in his head, his eyes traveled further up the tree, tracing the branches that sprouted from the thick trunk. It was old. Older than him. Older than…. so many of his previous selves.
And the memories it brought back.
There was a sharp pain in his head.
Dan Heng’s breath hitched, knees buckling underneath him as he clutched his head in one hand. Memories flashed across his vision, overlapping continuously as if it was Stelle fast forwarding a boring part of a movie. The gentle sounds of the koi pond nearby faded away, white noise growing louder and louder before it went silent. His eyes opened; when did they close?
The scenery before him shocked him; it was sunset, not night. Yet regardless of how badly he wanted to scramble back, he couldn’t move, could not even see his hands in front of him. Was this a memory?
“Are you certain I’m allowed here? This is relatively close to the Vidyadhara residences. I somehow offended one of them last week unintentionally, so I’d enjoy staying on the rest of their good sides.” Yingxing rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous expression in his eyes as they darted back and forth across the courtyard. Being an outsider, a short-life species, one was made specifically aware of the many rules and customs of the residents of the Luofu. For those whose lifespans were far longer than his, they had incredibly sharp memories. Those who stepped out of line were well remembered, even for incidents that happened long ago. While the rest of the long-life species – the foxian and Xianzhou natives – didn’t care as much for remembering so little a transgression, the Vidyadhara were more of the traditional route. They held etiquette and respect at the highest degree.
Especially when it came to their high elder, Dan Feng, the very one who was walking beside him.
It didn’t help he was already in the sight of everyone due to his rather… obsessive smithing capabilities. No sleep, no food, no water for days while working on his next creation. It was setting him up to hopefully pursue the title of Furnace Master in the future. Just that thought made his hands itch to run back to the forge and its sweltering heat. Yet it was just that, a thought; he would never pass up a chance to accompany Dan Feng. His eyes drifted around the courtyard they had entered, stunned by its beautiful maple trees, mainly the large one in the middle. Inspiration was already brewing inside him. Oh, the designs he could make based off of these trees. Perhaps a bow? A polearm?
Water splashed nearby, catching Yingxing’s attention. Immediately, his eyes zeroed in on a large koi pond nearby, several butterfly koi swimming lazily in the water. The corner of his eyes crinkled up with a large smile at the sight of them. He’s seen them from afar, or in paintings, but they were as elegant as Baiheng
“You are here on my invitation. No one, not even the preceptors can refute that. Besides, I wanted to show you this place.” With a flick of his wrist, Dan Feng’s folding fan snapped shut, finally free of the bustling crowds of the Starwatcher Avenue. Dan Feng’s eyes trailed behind him, as if making sure no one had followed them.
Good. It had been tiring to keep up appearances while walking through the streets. Everyone knew who he was, what his title was, and asked for blessings from the High Elder. Despite having been trained since he was small on his duties, the very same which his previous incarnations had upheld, there was always the deep longing to be free from the constraints of his duty. In his earlier years, he never sought to pursue those feelings. He never once had been close to anyone… Until he met Jing Yuan and Jingliu… And then Baiheng. And then… The Vidyadhara’s gaze trailed over to Yingxing.
And then he met him. He still remembered their first meeting. He was traveling through the smithing district and was admiring their workmanship. And during that walk he caught whispers of an Outlander who set up shop. It wasn’t anything too unusual, many set up shop for a couple of years before moving on. Yet it was their praises of the man’s work and his attention to detail that pushed him to stop by out of pure curiosity. Yes, Jing Yuan mentioning the shop off-handedly may have also contributed to his decision to venture there too.
Amusement filled his eyes as he watched Yingxing scratch the back of his head again, this time unintentionally messing up the low ponytail his hair was in. It was endearing. The other always threw it up but never tight enough that it would stay all day. It was also lopsided.
“You should put your hair up properly.” Dan Feng’s chiding was gentle, amused by the way the ribbon began to slowly loosen the more Yingxing began to try and tighten it. He had to raise his hand to hide his smile as the other’s pout grew. The smith turned to rebuke his statement when… he just stared. Ah…. He was chuckling. It was rare for Dan Feng to not only smile, but laugh too. Yingxing was in awe, greedily committing the sound of him to memory. It was beautiful.
“Here. This will make sure it stays up.” Dan Feng reached into his satchel and drew out a beautiful intricately designed lotus hair piece. The colors caught the fading sunlight, outshining even the maple leaves around then. The elder did not miss how the smith’s eyes widened in recognition at the hair piece; after all, he had commissioned it from Baiheng’s father, one of the jewelry smiths that Yingxing admired.
“This… is a gift for you. As a thank you for making Cloud-Piercer. It may not be much, but…” Yingxing cut him off with soft words, those scarlet hued eyes shining with happiness as he reached out to brush his fingertips over the gift.
“It’s beautiful. Can you…?” he trailed off, gesturing to his sad-looking hair which now was more like a side ponytail than anything. The elder nodded, maybe a bit too quickly, maybe a bit eagerly as well, and led the smith over to a rock for him to sit down. He tried to ignore the fact that his tail was wagging
That fluttering inside his chest returned from earlier that day, a warm fuzzy feeling that set his cold-blooded body alight with liquid fire. His fingers gently tugged the ribbon from Yingxing’s hair, placing it on the rock next to the hair piece. Methodically, Dan Feng began to run his fingers through his hair to coax the knots out. He hummed softly to himself as he worked. Deep down, he knew he didn’t need to do this, that the white-haired smith could easily have pulled his hair back up into the low ponytail it was in. Yet…
He wanted to be selfish, and he never could have denied doing so when he was directly asked. And the pleasant hum of the man in front of him only spurred him on. Once the knots were untangled, the high elder gently styled it into a folded over ponytail to keep his neck exposed to the air. This way it would no longer fall free and stick to his neck. The ribbon was tightened accordingly and soon the hair piece made its way into the ponytail, safely secured. Yingxing smiled once it was done and turned to thank the Vidyadhara before he froze.
Their faces were so close and Dan Feng could feel the other’s breath on his skin, smelling sweetly like the berry pastry they just ate. A blush began to spread across his cheek at the close proximity, darkening the tips of his ears so deep that he knew there was no way to hide it. Indeed, Yingxing’s eyes fluttered to his ears, and then down to his lips. Dan Feng’s heart began to race. Did…. Did the other feel the same way? This yearning to be close to him all the time, to… to kiss him, to hold him in his arms? Did his heart flutter whenever they met each other’s gaze? Melt when they smiled or laughed? Something brushed against his head, breaking Dan Feng free of his thoughts. Yingxing blinked for a moment, his cheeks dusting red as he reached out to catch the offender and brought it in front of them.
A maple leaf. Yingxing grinned, examining it before he tilted his head.
“It matches your eyeliner.” He mused.
“It matches your eyes.” Dan Feng felt breathless when he spoke those words. It was true, yet this mere leaf could not hope to compare to the crimson depths of Yingxing’s eyes. Not even the most polished ruby could nor the brilliant sunsets.
Neither of them moved, Yingxing still holding onto the maple leaf, and Dan Feng holding his breath in anticipation. This felt like they were in a scene from those romantic novels that Baiheng was obsessed over. In one moment, Yingxing let the leaf slipped from his hand, fingers instead cupping the back of the ravenette’s head. In the next, soft lips pressed against his own, a light, chaste kiss that set his veins on fire. His tail curled in, wrapping around Yingxing’s ankle like a shackle.
He never wanted this moment to end, never wanted to let him go.
Dan Heng was startled out of the memory when something touched his head. His body tensed, eyes darting around to… find a maple leaf stuck in his hair. It… It hadn’t been a hand… Dan Heng struggled to fight back the odd despair he felt at the realization. The moment he tried to pluck it from his head, a stray wind blew it away, the leaf twirling in the air before it completed its journey in the koi pond. His heart lurched, lips prickling with the phantom sensation of a gentle first kiss. He slapped his hand over his mouth, closing his blue eyes to ground himself in the present. He had to calm himself down and prevent his memories from overlapping in his vision again.
Breathe.
He… He needed to get some sleep. Perhaps he could seek out Lady Bailu for some answers or a way to prevent these memories from disrupting his day-to-day, or in this case, nightly routines. Dan Heng stumbled to his feet, using Cloud-Piercer to stabilize him. One breath, two breaths… He sighed as the pounding in his head gradually faded, going to run a hand through his sweat-soaked bangs when they collided with…
Horns?
Dan Heng’s eyes snapped opened, fingers drifting up and down two symmetrical horns. A shiver went down his spine at the contact.
“No, not now.” He whispered. It seemed that now, if his concentration had waned, his true Vidyadhara form would end up being revealed, down to the very change of garbs. He still felt uncomfortable in that form; the stares made him want to crawl back into the shadows, never to see the public’s eyes again. Understandably, only the older generation still bore memories of his past self and the sin he had committed, yet… What was worse was the children and outsiders staring at him like he was a pet on display. The only other Vidyadhara with horns and a tail he knew about was Lady Bailu.
A quick glance down revealed that his clothes of choice had also changed. Dan Feng lowered himself fully to the ground, ignoring how undignified he could look to any passerby. That was if anyone was still awake at this hour. He pressed his clammy hand to his head. Letting his mind wander in this state was dangerous. It was then when the memories would creep up from the depths. He breathed in deeply to the sound of the wind, concentrating, willing his memories to settle so he could look through them on his own terms. A portion of his long hair tumbled over his shoulder, catching the moonlight.
Dan Feng’s fingers brushed through the hair made of starlight, admiring how soft and beautiful it was. This time it was devoid of the knots from prior times. He leaned forward to kiss the strands, deep blue eyes drifting upwards until they met the gentle gaze of Yingxing. His head was tilted to the side, watching his lover caress his hair. Dan Feng smiled, making sure he made a show of kissing his hair as they fell from his grip before a hand softly cupped his cheek. He leaned into it, eyes closing for a moment of bliss before opening once more.
Blade stared back at him, the gentle expression now blank and unsettling, hair once shining under the night sky now as black as the abyss. Yet inside those eyes held turmoil, pain, bitterness, anger, and… despair. It felt like he was drowning in those emotions that didn’t belong to him. And then… Blade began to lean towards him, not towards Dan Feng but him, the hand on his cheek just as gentle as before.
Dan Heng’s eyes snapped opened, cheeks darkening with a blush. His hand pressed against his cheek, once more feeling as if it had been so real, that it wasn’t a memory but reality. But Blade was nowhere nearby, at least, not that he could see in his frantic search of the empty courtyard. His heart was thudding painfully in his chest, the emotional turmoil churning in his mind. Why did his heart both clench and then flutter at the mention of Blade? After everything that had happened… The other still hated him, wanted his death, wanted him to pay the price so he could finally achieve his true death.
The thought of him dying made him sick to his stomach.
Yet why was it that after he recovered his memories, after subduing Yanqing and the arrival of Jing Yuan, did Blade just walk away with Kafka? What had been with that conflicted expression in those anger-fueled eyes?
Why? Why? Why?
Dan Heng buried his head into his hands and sighed heavily. He wanted answers, but was also afraid of discovering them. He rubbed his forehead, finding that he had once more returned to his normal guise, the horns now absent. Exhaustion set in quickly and to prevent from falling asleep in the middle of the courtyard, he hauled himself back up. After he dismissed his weapon, he turned to begin the journey back to the small inn they were staying at. So exhausted was he, that he missed the burning crimson eyes that followed his every move, and the warmth of the bracer that pulsed in time with a racing heart.