Work Text:
Catra had to admit that Bright Moon looked really pretty at night, even when surrounded by guards. Unlike The Fright Zone, it seemed to be very peacefull, not scary or intimidating. Probably the view from inside the castle was even more beautiful, than the building itself in the dark. Maybe in a different life she could found out about it herself, but not in this one.
Pulling one's hood over her head, making sure it covers her at least in some way. Sure, her cat ears were still noticable, just like her tail and if anyone would see her, guards would catch her in no time. But there was no time for fucking up this one last mission she gave herself. This is her one and only chance to do this.
Catra found a tree where she could see Adora's room perfectly. Because of the light from it, she was able to notice everything that was going on inside, so she waited. Adora wasn't alone and the catgirl couldn't do it when they weren't eye to eye. It was getting late, so Sparkles and Arrow Boy shouldn't stay with her much longer. Besides, Catra could wait hours and hours, as long as no one would find her.
Part of her knew that she shouldn't be here after all that happened. After everything she had done. She hurt everyone by opening that portal, but most important thing was that she hurt Adora in the ways she never wanted to. It was too late for her to apologize and ask for forgiveness, she didn't deserve it. It was impossible to forgive someone like her after all of those things. And Catra wasn't here because she wanted to say sorry, no. She wanted to say goodbye to the only person she ever cared about and then hurt the most.
After The Portal her brain was full of weird thoughts, things she never knew before but it helped her understand something. She went too far. While trying to prove her worth, she destroyed everything around, she was never worth anything. When she came back from The Portal to Adora, she knew too much, she said things she never wanted to and deep inside she knew that she was wrong.
Hordak will probably kill her when he finds out about Entrapta, and if there's anyone who should end her life, it should be her. There was no other option for her, she didn't deserve anything. But before she's going to dissapear, there're some things she has to tell Adora.
Finally, Glimmer and Bow left the room, leaving Adora alone in it. It was time to do it and Catra's heart started beating way faster than before. Few minutes passed and she decided to jump off the tree and find her way to Adora's room without any of the guards noticing her. She was scared as hell, but there was no turning back now. One last talk with someone she destroyed.
When she found the right window, she quickly jumped inside, scared that if she's going to stop now, someone would find her. Even if she tried to be as quiet as possible, the sound of her landing on the floor, made Adora turn around with her sword pointed at her right away.
"Hey, Adora." She whispered. Adora looked angry and shocked and Catra couldn't blame her. She had every right to hate her after what she did.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here? What do you want?" Her voice tone was cold, she never heard it before and something inside of Catra cracked in that second. She really fucked up and destroyed everything they ever had. She did it, not Adora.
"I'm not here to fight. I just want to talk with you." Catra hoped that maybe, just maybe she will be able to see that familiar look in Adora's eyes but it was gone. And again, it was her fault. Her ex best friend couldn't look at her like she used to do and it was okay even if it hurts.
"You really think that I'm going to believe in this? Better tell me right now what do you want or I'm calling the guards. I'm done playing your games, Catra." The way Adora said her name broke another piece of her already broken heart. There was no hope in it, no warm feelings, just annoyance and this stupid cold that send shivers down her spine.
"I know." She said, and before the blonde girl could add anything, Catra fell to her knees, lifting her hands above her own head. "Please, just let me say what I want to say and then I'm gone forever."
This was the moment when Adora hesitated for a minute, but this time it didn't matter for Catra. She wasn't here to fight.
"Okay, but if you'll try anything, I won't stop myself." Catra just slowly noded, trying hard to stop tears that were ready to fell on the floor.
"I know I shouldn't be here but I wanted to talk with you one last time." She finally said, looking up at Adora, who was still holding her sword ready to strike her down. "And I know that any kind of apology won't change anything but I'm sorry. I should've never opened that stupid Portal, I should've never done any of those things to you. I don't want your forgiveness, I don't deserve it, I just want you to know that I really regret that."
First tears started to fall down her cheeks and she closed her eyes. She couldn't say what she wanted to while looking at the hate in Adora's eyes. It seemed to be a lot easier with darkness in front of her.
"I've hurt you so many times because I was angry that you left, I wanted you back but I had no idea how to pull you back. Then I thought that maybe if I'll become someone important in The Horde I'll forget about you. I tried to prove that I can be worth something, but all I did was destroy everything. Nobody wants to stick with me and I can't blame them. I hoped that maybe you will come back to me and everything will be fine but why would you want to come back to me. When Shadow Weaver left I just —"
Soft sob letf her mouth, as she lowered her hands, resting them on the floor in front of her. Her eyes were still closed, she was too scared to open them.
"I snapped. Hordak wanted to send her to Beast Island and I tried everything to keep her here but she tricked me and left. I let her escape and almost got killed when she got back to you. I opened the Portal because I was broken and then everything was perfect. You were still with me. Nothing else mattered because I had you and I was ready to die like that. Then I fell and I felt like I couldn't fully control myself."
Memories hit her like a strong wave, the scenes that came back to her in every nightmare, the words she said out loud back then. Both her hands landed on her head, claws digging into skin to get rid of those pictures.
"I know it's not your fault, you're not the worst She-Ra, you didn't made me this, you did not took everything from me... you were everything to me." Her last words were so quiet, she had no idea if Adora could hear them, but even if she couldn't — it's okay.
Just when she wanted to continue, she heard metal falling on the floor somewhere in front of her, what made her body twitch a little bit. Catra was scared that Adora is going to kick her out before she will be able to say everything but she wasn't ready to feel her hands on own wrists, pulling her claws away from her already injured head. It took her some time, before she was able to finally open her eyes, just to see Adora kneeling in front of her, her sword thrown away.
"I shouldn't have blame you for my own mistakes and decisions, because none of it was your fault. And I'm happy that Hordak pulled you over that portal, because I could be friends with you. If there's anyone that can put an end to it, I'm sure that it's going to be you, Adora. He was able to send a signal to Horde Prime but as long as the Heart is incomplete, he can't find us."
"How do you know about it that I'm from some portal? And how do you know about the Heart?" Adora asked, visibly confused by all the knowledge that Catra had.
"The magic from the portal. It showed me some things. It took some time to understand but I think I got it right. As long as Scorpia won't activate the Black Garnet, Etheria is safe." The answer was simple, even if the whole concept of everything that happened to her that day wasn't that easy. But it wasn't that important, she just had to tell Adora some of it and then go. "The Heart will destroy Etheria and you're the key. Just don't activate it, okay?"
"I don't think I understand, Catra what is going on? First you're apologizing now you're telling me some crazy things." Catra smiled lightly. Of course, she was ready for that, why would Adora believe her now? She could've stay here and tell her everything she knows but that was not the point of this visit. She still had some questions to ask.
"After you found out about The Horde, that we're evil. Did you... thought about coming back for me? Or were you just gonna leave me without any word? Just, be honest." She asked, looking straight into Adora's eyes for the first time tonight. This was the question she wanted to ask a million times, but was never brave enough to do so.
Yes, Adora asked her to come with her, but only because she found her. Adora came back for Sparkles, but never for her. She told her that she'll be back before anyone notices and then she was gone. What if Catra never went on a search for Adora? Would she ever came to find her? It looked so easy for her to let go, to never come back to the past. To her.
Every night she thought about it, wondering what she did wrong back then. And later she made it worse by giving Adora thousands of reasons to give her up.
"I— don't know." She finally said, breaking another piece of Catra's shattered heart. "It all happened so fast and after everything that I saw I never wanted to come back there..."
Finally, she had the answer she was looking for and yet she wished she had never asked about it. Adora was ready to forget about her, to leave her and move on with life without her. Adora was ready to forget about their friendship, all the promises about everything they've been through. She was ready to never see her again.
Suddenly, any other question stopped existing, she knew the most important answer. She got up and wiped her tears, trying to look away from Adora.
"I'm not coming back to The Horde, and I'm not staying with the Rebelion. I'm not here asking for forgiveness, because I don't deserve one. I just wanted to talk with you one last time, before my leave." Catra took a deep breath and looked again at Adora, who was now standing in front of her, totally confused. "You were the only person in the world that I really cared about in the way I couldn't care about anyone else. I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you. I can't make it up for you so I hope my dissapearance will be enough."
Adora's eyes opened wider and she grabbed her wrist, still trying to understand all those things that Catra had told her. Everything sounded weird and without any sense but at the same time she knew deep inside why the catgirl is telling her all of this. She just didn't want to accept it.
"What do you mean? Where are you going? Catra, what is going on with all of this, I'm lost."
Catra saw in her eyes that she had hope that maybe Catra will tell her everything one more time, help her understand but the time was ticking. She should get going soon.
"I'm going somewhere, where no one will find me. You won't have to see me ever again. I won't hurt you again. You can finally move on without worrying about me coming back and destroying your life over and over." She took a step closer and unsure of her own moves, she touched their foreheads together. "Goodbye, Adora. I'm going to miss you."
And before the blonde girl could say anything, she turned away, jumping through the window.
—
Catra knew basically nothing about Whispering Woods and what can be deep into the forest, but she didn't care about any scary monsters, she was the scariest one there. She wasn't running, there was no point in escaping to nowhere, no place could be safe for her. But Catra didn't want shelter, she just needed one place where she could finally put an end to this.
Tears were falling down her face, tail wrapped tightly around her own body. She shouldn't be scared right now, after all she did everything she wanted. She talked with Adora and left a letter to Scorpia, there was nothing else for her to do here, on Etheria.
Nightmares from The Portal were hauting her every night, not allowing her to forget about it. She let Shadow Weaver manipulate her once again, let her push her from the edge instead of thinking this through. Even after all those years of abuse, Catra still had hope that maybe she could somehow save Weaver and let her stay in Fright Zone but instead she used her. Again.
The feeling of her touch on her hair was unbearable to the point where she had to cut her bangs and even then she could still feel it. Just like fresh burn on the skin. Everybody was leaving her, using her, she couldn't make good decisions by herself. Catra knew that she should've listen to Adora and not open the fucking portal but she wanted to prove something to everyone, to herself. But in the end she only proved to be worth less than nothing.
She felt broken, shattered to small pieces that can't be fixed, no matter how hard she tried to glue them together. The burden in her head was too hard to bear, almost crushing everything under it's weight. What was the point of trying anything when she already lost it all? At this point she was careless with her life. There was no one on Etheria or anywhere who would cried for her. Even Adora.
They grew up together, did everything together and even when she was the second best, it was okay because Adora was there to protect her. Then the next day she was gone and instead of running after her, Catra wanted to show her what she's missing in the worst way possible. Trying to destroy someone shouldn't be a love language.
Was this love? Or just attachment? Catra wasn't sure but everytime she saw Adora smiling not because of her, pieces of her broken heart were turning into dust. She wanted to run to her, begging for staying with her but she couldn't. That's what weak people do and Catra wasn't weak. At least that what she thought back then. Because now she knew that she's just a coward.
All she did in her meaningless life was to be one big coward, even if she tried to look cool and above all. If Catra was brave she would take Adora's hand when she pulled it out for her. But she run away to the place where she was nobody to keep being one big disappointment. This time would be different.
Of course she had no place to hide, there was no point in running away and hiding. This time she wanted to be sure that she won't hurt anybody ever again. After this night no one shall be hurt by her and there was only one way to solve this.
Catra was shaking a little bit, sobbing while she still walked straight, eyes focused on the ground. Somewhere should be a good place to make her plan a reality. Black hood was still on her head, covering her ears, because she didn't want to hear anything besides her own pain and it was loud as hell. She was tired, really tired but soon it would be finally over for everyone.
She had no idea, how long it really took her to find this final place — steep fall from rocks down into the darkness. It was perfect, because there was no chance for her to save herself from this. No way to life through this.
After taking a few steps closer, she was standing on the edge, her eyes staring into the black nothingless. Finally she found a place where she can fit just right. On the end of this abyss. Where the pain is over and where she won't be able to hurt anyone else. Adora can finally move on and forget about her.
Slowly she turned around to stand back to the cliff and she closed her eyes. Tears were still falling down her cheeks but that was alright, soon there will be no pain. No more regrets. Catra took a deep breath and moved back, letting her feet slowly slip from the wet rocks.
"Catra wait!" She heard the voice but ignored it, thinking that it's probably just her imagination. But instead of falling down and breaking her spine, someone caught her as she stopped feeling the ground, putting her back on her feet and hugging hard. Catra knew this smile, she knew those arms, that were wrapping her body. She even knew this sound of silent sobbing but she couldn't understand why.
"What... are you doing?" Catra asked, slowly opening her eyes just to see this stupid red jacked that Adora was always wearing. "Were you following me? Why?"
For a moment there was only silence between them, interrupted by quiet sobbing from time to time. Adora was there with her, holding her so hard that she could barely breath but it was fine. Because Adora could hug her as hard as she wanted. She even took a step back, dragging Catra with her to just walk away from the abyss.
"I don't know I just started to run after you because I wanted more answers, but then I noticed what condition you're in and I just followed you. I was hoping that maybe you're going to hide somewhere in the Woods but you tried to... Catra, I can't let you do this." She said as she sligtly moved away just to look her ex friend deep into eyes. Adora was crying too. Did she hurt her again?
"This is the only way." Those words were barely a whisper, almost as quiet as wind but Adora was able to hear them perfectly.
"No, it is not. Yes, you've done a lot of bad things but I see that you really regret this. The things you've told be back in Bright Moon, I know that you mean it, I see it. I was shocked and confused when you show up in my room but I know it wasn't a lie, Catra. You've hurt me, it's true but it doesn't mean that I stopped caring about you. I'm not giving up on you, Catra, I'm never going to. I want to stay with you, we can work this out. Together."
It seemed like a dream. Everything about it was so unreal, almost unbelievable. But Adora was really here, she could touch her, fell her warmth, she was real. And she wanted to help her, to stay with her. After all those terrible nightmares, finally it was time for her own fairytale.
"Are you sure? That you can show me how to fix this? That I can be good?" She whispered again, and Adora smiled at her brightly, sticking their foreheads together.
"We can try, right? Give yourself one more chance, please. Stay with me in Bright Moon, we can talk about everything that happened and figure out some solution. You and me. What do you say?"
Seconds ago Catra was ready to jump into the void, destroy her life once and for all. She was ready to die if it meant not hurting anyone ever again. Not hurting Adora again. Now she was standing in front of her, arms still wrapped around her body, asking Catra to stay with her. And this time she won't be a coward.
"I'd like that."