Chapter Text
Ricky was beyond excited to go to the New Year’s Eve party. He had already prepared himself for the role of Troy in their production of HSM 2. His idea of preparation was basically memorizing all of Bet on It and doing a darn good reenactment of it at Red’s basement. It was no secret that it was going to be the next musical -- no matter how mysterious Miss Jenn wanted to be. This time he would be ready for the musical. Now if he could just figure out where he put the darn jacket he was supposed to wear …
The teenager was becoming increasingly aware of the influx of messages he was getting, presumably from Nini who was waiting for him to pick her up. Yes, they were late but barely, if at all, fashionably late. Ricky rummaged through his closet until he spotted the dark jacket that would slightly level up his otherwise regular outfit. As he pushed his hands through one of the sleeves he noticed a particular hat peeking up from the pile of clothing that had begun to grow in size over the past week. His dad hadn’t mentioned anything because they would be moving anyway.
Spotting it now stirred something within him. He felt like a sudden high storm on an otherwise calm week. The type of storm that weathermen always seemed to miss. Would wearing it to the party be an overkill? He’d worn it several times after the moment with Gina but never around her. They had been friends when he got it from her — they were friends …? At least he thought so.
With this line of thinking he was acknowledging that there were no nefarious thoughts attached to the gift. But then … why couldn’t he bring himself to tell Nini where he’d got it from that one time she’d asked a few nights ago?
No . He shook his head as he picked up the hat.
Ricky sat on his bed as he studied the hat, really eyed it for the first time since he got it two months ago. It felt like years ago now. But he couldn’t forget about that night. How could he forget the night when it felt like something innate had been ripped away from him? That night he’d been forced to be content with being deprived from something they’d built. Something that had seemed so sacred at the time . But it had probably been a fluke, a time where they were pushed together because of their circumstances, she was much happier and closer with the rest of the thespians now.
She deserved to be happy.
So then why did he feel so weird about her?
Sure, she’d said she wouldn’t have quit on them had she stayed in Salt Lake but she had probably moved on. He wasn’t worth her time, he knew better than anyone. Ricky would be selfish to think she’d be hung up on him of all people. Gina was the best and she deserved the best.
Plus, he was with Nini. Duh . That door had closed.
He toyed with the flaps of the hat for a minute, reminiscing on their good memories with only fondness now. Maybe he would wear it to the party, to show her they were good. Because despite it all, they were still friends, he concluded … even if they didn’t talk much but hey, he didn’t talk to Ashlyn all that much and he still considered her his friend. It was the same …
The idea perturbed him and his brows only furrowed deeper when he found something laying inside the hat as he continued to inspect it. He was sure his phone was ringing somewhere behind him but he was more focused on pulling the hat inside out and that’s when he noticed there was a message on a tag he thought had been empty all along, simply there for customary purposes.
Had that been there the whole time?
The junior carefully read the message one time. Two times. Three times. And each time he came to no sound conclusion as to how to justify the words she’d put on there.
If you’re reading this: I love you too Ricky.
The air from his lungs had fully been knocked out — sucker punched type of breathlessness. His vision went dark in his rampant attempt to put the pieces together. Images quickly passing behind his eyes like a film strip.
I love you too Ricky.
I love you too.
Too.
His phone ringing again was what eventually brought him back down. Shit, Nini. He couldn’t think about all the implications. Even if there were things to be implied it wouldn’t change anything … right? He shoved the hat in the inside pocket of the jacket. “Hey,” he said, in between heavy breaths.
“Ricky?! Are you okay? I was so worried.”
He bit his lip, feeling the hat against his ribcage, right where his heart beat wildly against it. At least his lungs were expanding now. “Yeah, sorry. Lost my phone in my room.”
“Babe, I told you you need to start cleaning that place up.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He awkwardly laughed, picking up the keys from his drawer. Suddenly the word babe seemed too sweet, corn syrup straight from a spoon type of sweet. “I’m about to leave the house.”
.
.
.
Gina watched as Ricky and Nini burst through the door. Her otherwise good night had been instantly soured by the sight of Nini seemingly trying to comfort a disgruntled Ricky over something. The couple made their way to the living room, her luck not on her side as Ricky sat on the couch across from her.
The sophomore could usually read Ricky’s expression, both a gift and a curse, but today she found it hard as the boy seemed on edge, rubbing his hands excessively against his jeans, eyes darting about, before settling on hers then looking over his shoulder at no one in particular. Unable to sit back and watch more, Gina stood up. “I’m getting a root beer. Anyone want anything?” She asked more out of common courtesy but actually queasy at the idea that the couple might actually order a refreshment from her.
Ashlyn smiled kindly at her, caressing her arm in a comforting way. “I’m okay. Thank you.”
Gina was thankful no one said anything else but there was a flicker of emotion that crossed in Ricky’s eyes. Tired of examining his every expression, she walked to the kitchen aware that her hands trembled as she reached for a root beer.
Footsteps echoed behind her, though she wasn’t super familiar with Ashlyn’s house just yet she knew of the one floorboard that was out of place, people who weren’t used to it tripped over it. Which is why, when she heard someone grunt, she knew it couldn’t be Ash or E.J., it could be anyone but she somehow recognized the clearing of his throat.
She told her heart to be steady; she told herself every conceivable reason as to why he would follow after her: he felt bad to ask her for a soda, he suddenly got thirsty, he was particular about his fizzy drinks.
“Hey, Gi.” He rounded the counter and she was met with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Hi.” She grabbed her can tightly, ready to pounce out the door the moment it wouldn’t look too rude to do so. Her face grew warm as she recalled her confession. She’d seen Ricky a few times after but he’d always had Nini attached to the hip. For once, she wished she were there.
“Uh, can we talk?” His skittish eyes were back.
Her heart lurched all the way to her throat. She found it incomprehensible as to why he’d want to talk to her all of the sudden. Still, she played it cool, ignoring the effort it took to keep her voice steady. “Sure, talk.” Gina shrugged, opening her can and sipping it, welcoming to her dry throat.
At that moment Kaden walked in, seemingly unaware of the tension that could be cut with a blade. Ricky grunted as he said, “Somewhere more private.”
The sophomore hated the way palpitations found their way to her chest. But even moreso, she loathed that she was able to perfectly pick up on every infliction of his voice. The nervousness mixed with slight hurt.
She didn’t miss how Kaden pretended to be on his phone but was acutely aware of the implications of speaking privately with Gina without the presence of his girlfriend. Gina could only hope there would be no crude rumors. They were a family.
She ushered him to Ashlyn’s backyard which was thankfully just past the kitchen. Her soda can long forgotten in the counter where she had shakily put it down as they exited. When she swung the door she was quickly hit by the December air, chilling her body almost immediately. At least she could blame her shakiness and redness to the cold.
“What is it?” She asked right away and instantly regretted how snappy it had sounded. Ricky’s face flashing more than just confusion. Feeling the need to rectify, she added, “Kourtney’s game is about to start.”
“Okay, so,” he huffed out, immediately letting out a breathy laugh that did not match the pain behind his eyes nor the mood between them. Gina wanted to reach out and comfort him but she simply crossed her arms against her chest, weary that if her hands were free she might just do it. “So .. I was considering wearing this tonight …”
Jarred by the sentence for a second Gina strained to look at Ricky’s hands in the darkness of the night as he fumbled with his jacket. That was until she saw the flash of red. Her knees nearly buckled at the sight of the stupid hat.
Now that she knew where the conversation was going she wanted nothing more than to run; Climb over the fence; Make her way past the pool of students in the house and run … run somewhere, anywhere, despite the fact that she had no home.
A small part of her forced herself to believe he hadn't seen the stupid message she’d sewed on there. But she knew the chances of that were dangerously slim as he looked at her with remorse. Why now? She thought, why had he seen it now ? Tears began to sting her eyes and she found it hard to breathe. “Y-you still have that?”
Ricky looked longingly at the hat for a moment, a corner of his mouth lifting for a fraction of a second, as if he were reminiscing on a lovely memory. “Yeah, it’s only like … my favorite hat.”
She didn’t know she was crying already until a tear tickled her chin. Gina still tried to put on a brave front, seamlessly rubbing it away like it was nothing more than a pesky mosquito. “Just tell me what you have to say, I think I hear Ashlyn calling m—,” emotion choked off her voice but she managed to stand up right.
Ricky didn’t comment on it. At least he was giving her the grace of pretending he wasn’t seeing the physical manifestation of her heart breaking yet again. Ever the sweetest, Ricky Bowen . “I think you know by now I saw the message you wrote inside of it.” The hesitancy in his voice only tightened the tension in her chest, constructing her fully.
She snuggled herself tighter, trying her best to ignore the stream pouring out of her eyes. “Yeah. But what does that have to do with anything?” She croaked, aware that she was hurting herself further by entertaining him further.
Flustered, he clutched the knitted hat tighter in a pale white fist. “W-what, h-how … it has to do with everything, Gina?!” Ricky uncharacteristically bellowed.
Unsure on how to respond, she shivered in place and rubbed her bare arms to bring warmth into them. His reaction was enough to completely stop her crying but the longer she stared at him the more sorry she felt for herself.
“I’m sorry, you must be freezing, here,” he removed his jacket and stalked over a few paces to reach her. The sophomore saw as he intended to drape the stiff material over her but she recoiled when he was a few inches away from her.
“This doesn’t change anything, Ricky.” She tried to maintain her voice flat, but inwardly flinched as he recoiled with his jacket still in his hands which still stood midair. “I took my shot and assumed there was something else between us before I left but your answer is clear, Ricky. You chose Nini.”
It was true, it was what had happened so why did he look at her like she was the air he needed to breathe. His eyes searched her own with an emotional agitation she’d never seen, almost begging for a chance to explain himself as his lips parted.
But it was her mind playing tricks on her surely.
“The game is starting!” Kourtney’s muffled voice could be heard from the thin backyard door. She didn’t wait for him to speak; Gina simply ran to the bathroom where she collected herself for the game and countdown. She just wanted the year to be over.
However, that was not the only entanglement she would have with Ricky Bowen that night. As Kourtney read off messages from slips of paper there was a particular clue that slumped the thespians. No one seemed to know the answer and Gina wasn’t in a particular festive mood to guess so she was particularly disgruntled when he spoke her name.
“That’s … Gina,” he said quietly across from her. He seemed to be toying with the sleeve of Nini’s shirt.
Annoyed and without lifting her gaze off her lap, she simply replied, “nope. Not me.”
There was a tangible awkwardness that followed and it only got worse when Nini said it was her message.
And then as if it wasn’t bad enough she had to endure seeing the couple singing together later on. All she could picture was when he’d sung to her — no, sung in her presence. That was until Ricky fell flat before the last chorus, his guitar screeching instead of gently weeping, his voice veering uncomfortably low as if he had to strain to even manage a simple note. The thespians carried on as if nothing had happened, singing as they began to get ready for the countdown. Finally, her dreaded night would be over.
But luck wasn’t on her side because just when she was ready to tell Ashlyn she had a headache, Miss Jenn showed up, announcing that, surprisingly, their musical would be Beauty and the Beast and how they’d now be on their way to becoming state champions. At least she’d have her mind focused on winning that. However, another revelation came just before the night closed, Nini would be leaving.
Gina hated the idea of seeing Ricky’s reaction to his lover moving a few states away. She still cared for him afterall, otherwise the dancer wouldn’t be in such pain. Thankfully, she found her way to the kitchen with the rest of the theater geeks in order to give them some privacy to talk before leaving for the night.
She pretended she wasn’t seeing the way Kaden looked at her that night.