Work Text:
Up on the 69th floor of the hero tower (the number is unfortunate, I know), Awesamdude was tinkering with a brand new piece of junk he had somehow turned into a functional device. Most of his tech was like that, went from nothing to something extraordinary. Whether a high tech map of every nook and cranny of the greater SMP, or a McDonald's ice cream machine that doesn't breakdown every 5 minutes.
Currently, he was creating a device that would be able to hack into the main line of the famous villain group, the Chaos 7. They took the villain thing to a whole other level, stealing valuables and blowing up, well, everything. A few members were also wanted for “Mule Bits”, something that scarred Jack for life. Awesamdude shivered just thinking about it.
At the moment, Philza, better known as Zephyrus to the public, walked in along with Techno, “The Blade”.
“Is it working yet?” Techno asked, voice as monotone as ever.
“It should, I just need a few more minutes” Awesamdude replied. “We're gonna need to set up someone on duty to watch this thing. We can take hour shifts.”
Phil nodded. “I suppose that could work, I could get Nikki and Jack to take some shifts, but I bet they won't have to. I mean, how long is such a high profile villain group gonna take?”
_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_
5 days.
Five stinking, stupid days of silence.
Five days until one night, during Fundy’s shift did they hear so much as a peep out of that device. He gathered everyone and Sam, with a little hesitance for drama, turned on the radio.
Static
And then
“—we have a code T, I repeat a code —” The unmistakable sound of Siren was heard.
They nearly rejoiced with happiness, but then they heard
“Xelqua, I love you like a brother, but for the love of prime stop blowing up toilets!” Shadow Queen's voice scolded.
“but what if something entirely different happened this one time?” Xelqua whined.
“what's going to happen is fire! Nuke, side with me on this!”
“well Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity was recreating an experiment and expecting different results.”
“See X, I told you!” Shadow Queen said, a smirk could practically be heard through the device.
“but then again, everyone sees Albert as a madman, so I side with Xelqua on this”
Cheers from Xelqua and complaints from Shadow Queen could be heard.
“all right, now that that's done,” the voice of Mellohi sounded “can someone please tell Lethe to stop putting fuckin’ spaghetti in everything? It's driving me crazy!”
“yeah, Lethe you put spaghetti on my ice cream one time and called it an improvement” XD, the telekinesis villain could be heard.
“So I like spaghetti a bit, what's so wrong about that?” Lethe said, in a What could go wrong voice.
“... You gave me a sandwich that was bread, spaghetti, and had half a fish in it, all of which was lathered in a mix of Nutella and spaghetti sauce, and said bona petite” Nuke said.
“Seriously, have you ever had a meal without spaghetti?” Xelqua asked.
Silence, and then
“I plead the 5th” Lethe said
“Lethe!” Shadow Queen exclaimed “that's it, I'm making you proper food when we get back. Also get rid of the Garfield statue in the kitchen it's freaking me out!”
“No! And you can’t make me!” Lethe shouts, followed by a light vrooping sound.
“Annnnd there gone.” Mellohi said. “Anyways, Big N? How would you react if I, mightasortatotallystoleyourlongfallboots? Hypothetically.”
“Mellohi,” Nuke said in a warning tone “please for the love of Prime tell me you did not do what I think you did.”
“Haha,…bit too late for that.”
“Shadow?”
“Yeah?”
“Where’s the nearest tall building where I can throw Mellohi out the window?”
“M, if I were you, I’d run” Siren said
“You don’t have to tell me twice-ARGH NUKE!!”
“GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH!!”
“Anyways, Siren where have you been?” Lethe asked.
“Uhhh…don’t worry about it!” Siren replied.
“If we really didn’t need to worry about it,” Shadow Queen cut in “then why is there a post saying Siren, XD, and Xelqua we’re just seen robbing a McDonald’s?”
“XD wanted chicken nuggets, and who am I to say no. And what’s so bad about being seen in public?”
“There’s something called being WANTED?!? BY THE GOVERNMENT?!?!?!”
“HE GAVE ME THE PUPPY EYES, SHADOW, THE PUPPY EYES!!! And what was I supposed to do! Sit around all day and be boring?!”
“It’s called responsibility! Maybe it’s about time your empty brain learned about it!”
“Oooooo Roasted!” Xelqua cut in.
“Shut up, X, this was all your idea” Siren said, too which Xelqua started coughing. “You got something you want to say?”
“Sorry, I’m just allergic to bullshit”
“THAT’S IT”
There was some background noise, the sound of a fight happening.
“Besides that, I say chicken nuggies are the greatest creation in history.” XD said randomly.
“Course you would say that, fuckin’ american.” Mellohi butted in. “Also, thank you all for ignoring the fact Nuke was throwing me out a window!”
“Your welcome, king” Lethe said “I found X and Siren, I think they knocked each other out, so I’m teleporting them home.”
“Okay thanks Lethe. With that, I think it’s time we all head home.” XD said
“Thank fucking Prime. I need a nap” Shadow Queen replied
“But I don’t want to sleep! I’m not tired!” Mellohi exclaimed
“We have a test soon, you have to sleep.” Nuke said
“Ugh, I hate this family”
“We’re going to bed and that’s final” Shadow Queen said. “And as for our special guests from the hero tower, ya’ll suck ass at your job, amateurs. Nuke?”
“Already on it. Goodbye, heroes” The voice of Nuke said before the radio returns to static. They didn’t even have to check the device to know that any hope of finding them again was lost.
As Phil looked at all the heroes that had gathered, from Sam who had the most bewildered look on his face, to Ace who looked seconds away from laughing, they all were thinking the same thing.
What the actual, fucking shit just happened?