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Garcia is staring in shock at the screen showing a static picture indicating something terrible has just happened. The cracking audio underlined her fears - they lost the signal to JJs and Lukes bodycam.
She must have stood there a minute or two in shock with her mouth wide open, but it felt like a lifetime and so many things running through her head at once.
His last words echoed in her ears "JJ it´s a bomb run, RUN!" She knew he had experience spotting fakes from real once and she trusted his split-second judgment that it had to be a real one. But that just made it worse. If it was not a fake bomb and they were so deep in that container underground, the blast would not have needed to be strong to do real damage and that thought made her so scared. There was JJ her best friend, who she could talk with about everything, and there was him.
She never felt so helpless and lost in her life when she considered she might never be able to talk to him again. Not fight and bigger, just talk. They have talked a lot lately, like really good friends. She felt safe to tell him nearly as much as she could tell JJ, but one thing she did not dare to say. The real reason why she turned him down for a second date.
He was very surprised at first about her decision but tried to fake understanding though his eyes told a different story. Disappointment and hurt. He really cared for her deeply. If she hadn't believed it until then, she knew there and then. This wasn't a game for him. She meant everything to him and to end something before it really started, crushed him.
That's why she hesitated to talk to him for a while afterwards, but she also realised she had let him into her life and she couldn't be without him anymore.
They should stay good friends, she told herself. So many others can do that too. Why not them? But in her heart she felt it might not be fair to him. If he wasn't over her, but he said he was, that he understood and it would be fine. He said it in such a sencer way that she wondered for a moment if it could be really true.
Anyway, she was glad they started spending time again and she hoped her plan for a good and deep friendship would work out, but standing here, at that moment, not knowing if he was still alive, she knew she could not lie to herself anymore.
She didn't want a good male friend who would even sit her cat even though he was allergic. She wanted her soulmate back at her side, hugging her and telling her everything would be fine before they would melt in one of the most honest emotional kisses she had ever tasted. But she never did, because she ended it before it happened and right at that moment she regretted it the most in her life and there were other things she did regret a lot.
And the only one she had to blame for that was herself and her heart.
A heart that was taken for so long by a very special person and was the reason she couldnt let anyone get close enough to her to claim that place in her heart.
But now she knew, in her heart, there was only one person and she feared she might never be able to admit her true feelings to him. The reason she wouldn't let herself get close enough for a kiss. That she once let her guard down too much and someone sneeked in her heart, but that person loved her in another way. Also deep and true but not romantic. She thought it was OK, she played along, she flirted, but her heart wanted more. That's why no relationship in the past ever worked out for her, because it wasn't him, her best male friend that she wanted at that time to be so much more.
But sometimes you don't get what you want. She wondered if this was what Luke thought when she turned him down for another date. She saw in his eyes that he didn't believe her that she didn't want another date. He was confused. She should just have been honest. Admitted that she wasn´t over her first true love yet. That she just needed a bit more time.
And now? Now she wanted all the time in the world with Luke, who was now the only one in her heart. She wanted to tell him that her crush on her best male friend was finally over, that she could see him now as he saw her all the time. But what she really wanted the most was a life with Luke, a future together. But would they now both be robbed of that chance? And even if he survived, would he still love her? Would he have waited so long for her?
She knew he would, the way he looked at her when they last talked before he left on the mission, it was all still there in his eyes, together with the sadness of not being able to share the love with her.
Did she make him wait for too long?
Did the unsub take the most precious person away from her?
She wanted nothing as much as to hear his voice, to say he was OK and everything would be fine. But there was just cold heart-stopping static.