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It had been five years since Goose’s death and Maverick was still reeling when he got the news.
Things hadn’t been easy the last few years, there were days he hardly remembered and days when Mav, Ice, and Carole could do nothing more than cry together. As time went on they all held onto Nick’s memory tighter but Ice and Carole both seemed to be letting go slowly.
Maverick couldn’t, he knew it was his fault no matter what Ice or Slider or the Navy-issued therapist said. Most days he pretended to agree with them when they said that it wasn’t his fault but deep down inside he knew, he just knew and it took up most of his thoughts.
My Rio, my responsibility.
But then one day his responsibility shifted.
Ice came back to the housing unit they shared late one night. Maverick jumped up from his spot on the couch and went to open the door.
Ice was standing in the doorway still wearing his khaki uniform, his face was deathly pale and his eyes red-rimmed like he’d been crying. His usually perfectly done up hair was a mess, little bits of blonde tufts sticking up all over the place like he’d been running his hands through it. His hands were shaking and his knuckles were clenched and reddened.
“Ice?” Mav questioned softly.
The man looked up sharply like he hadn’t seen Maverick there.
“Mav,” he croaked out, “Something’s wrong.”
Maverick’s eyes widened, he’d never seen Ice like this, not even after Goose’s death.
He reached out, taking hold of his wingman’s shoulder and leading him inside and out of the cold night air.
“Come on Ice,” Mav said once he’d plopped the shaken man down on the couch. “Your scaring me man.”
Ice’s whole body trembled and he stared down at his hands clenched in his fists. “I have cancer,” he blurted out all at once, glancing at Mav’s face to see his reaction.
Maverick froze. “You what?” he gasped.
His mind couldn’t comprehend it. Not Ice, he was the strongest person Maverick knew. He was healthy as a horse, he couldn’t…
Ice nodded shakily. “I uh, went in for the regular med bay check up and they did some scans and-” he ran his hands through his hair, burying his face in his knees, “It’s not looking good Mav.”
Maverick didn’t know what else to do, he gently laid a hand on Ice’s shoulders, rubbing his back as he spoke.
“We’ll figure this out, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
Ice blinked up at him as tears streamed down his pale face. His blue eyes were wide, “you mean it?” he whispered.
Mav nodded, “of course,” he said. Of course, he thought, for you…of course.
Come morning time the next day they talked it over more rationally and Maverick could almost believe that this was just another problem they had to solve together, just another difficult mission to be accomplished in the end.
Ice sat at the breakfast bar sipping coffee and staring off into space like he hadn’t slept very well when Maverick came down the stairs.
“Hey,” he greeted him, a little too much false cheer in his voice but he wanted to show Ice that everything would be fine.
“Hey,” Ice mumbled back morosely, gazing down into his coffee cup.
Mav got his own coffee and came over to sit next to him. “So,” he started, “are you uh still gonna go to work?”
Ice nodded automatically, “yeah, I mean I don’t know what else to do and I still feel normal so…” He trailed off and they both wondered how long that’d last.
“Okay,” Maverick said, “ok good.”
Then he started with what he’d really wanted to say. “I was doing research last night,” Maverick said. Ice nodded none-commitmentaly. “Apparently throat cancer is pretty easy to treat so there’s that I guess, and wikipedia says that you have a 90% survival rate!”
Ice cracked a tiny smile at Mav’s ramblings, “ninety percent huh? I’ve flown missions with lower survival rates.”
Maverick smiled, “yeah,” he agreed, “too bad I’m the better pilot.”
Ice smacked him on the shoulder and Mav laughed and things almost felt normal.
Ice went back into the med bay office and by the end of the day they had come up with a treatment plan. Radiation first, then chemotherapy if that didn’t work, and finally surgery on his lymph nodes to remove the cancer.
They were hopeful, Ice said, since it was only stage 2.
By the next week Ice said that his throat was hurting more.
Mav fussed and fiddled around with Ice and his treatment so much that it was almost nice to take his mind off of Goose for a bit. He arranged Ice’s doctor’s appointments and spent every spare minute on his computer researching new treatments and therapies that might help.
“Here,” he said, flipping his computer screen towards Ice one night when they were sitting on the couch. “How do you feel about going to India and receiving the blessing of a shaman?”
“I feel like it’s a scam,” Ice replied back slowly, his voice scratchy and low.
Mav huffed, “might work,” he muttered, only half joking.
Ice’s throat began to hurt enough that eating was difficult for him so Mav started looking up tons of soup recipes and trying his hand at making homemade yogurts and puddings. It seemed like every time Ice came home Maverick was in the kitchen.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked finally, sidling up behind Mav as he worked in their kitchen.
Just the small amount of speech had his throat aching and painful.
Mav turned around, a slight smile on his face, “for you, of course.”
Ice huffed, “I’m just your wingman,” he pointed out then winced at the pain of talking.
A variety of emotions flickered across Mav’s face. Surprise, hurt, disappointment. Fuck he never should have said anything, what if Mav left? He was the only thing Ice had left.
Finally Mav nodded, “yeah,” he said resignedly, “I am, and you never leave your wingman.”
Ice left it at that.
Weeks went by and he had his first radiation therapy appointment. Mav offered to come with him and drive since they didn’t know how messed up Ice would be afterwards. They sat in the waiting room together, Mav’s leg bouncing anxiously and Ice staring straight ahead.
“Kazansky?” A nurse called out, Ice got up.
“Good luck,” Maverick whispered, shooting him a thumbs up as he walked away. Ice tried to smile reassuringly back.
Once he was back in the doctor's office the nurses and doctors explained his treatment plan to him again.
“Basically the radiation will kill the bad cancer cells but we have to be pretty aggressive with it so you’ll be in here about five times a week,” The doctor explained.
“Get ready to see a lot more of us,” One of the nurses joked. Ice wondered how often they had to do this.
“Please lay very still,” the nurse said as he laid down inside a machine not dissimilar to an MRI or CAT scan machine. “This will take about fifteen minutes,” the nurse said before the machine closed and it started.
It wasn’t painful. A buzzing sound that Ice thought he might be hearing in his nightmares soon surrounded him but other than that it was manageable.
Once he was done though he felt exhausted. He stumbled back out into the waiting room after getting the all-clear from a nurse and basically collapsed into Maverick.
“Mav,” he muttered as he slumped forward into Maverick arms, tucking his head against his chest.
“Hey,” Maverick breathed, his arms coming up to hold onto Ice’s sides. “How was it?”
“Tired,” Ice grumbled.
“Ok, we’ll get you home in a second,” Mav said, gently readjusting his grip.
“Your boyfriend was very brave,” A nurse said, popping up out of nowhere with a smile.
“Oh he’s not-” Maverick muttered quickly, stiffening up. Then, “Ok,” he said quietly to appease her.
Ice didn’t miss the way that Mav tensed up and the color that his cheeks turned but he was too goddamned tired to care. Maverick managed to deposit Ice into the front seat of the car and he promptly passed out for the car ride home.
When they got home Mav basically carried Ice into the house and laid him down on the couch, gently covering him up with a blanket or two or three before brushing his hair off his forehead to check his temperature and then tiptoeing away to let him sleep. It wouldn’t be the last time that the scene played out in their shared unit housing.
More time went by and the doctors became skeptical that the radiation therapy would be enough. Ice’s throat had almost completely swollen up, losing most of its usefulness.
It was Mav who suggested that they go to a few sign language classes, ‘just in case’. Ice was reluctant, it felt too much like giving up on his own voice but if it would make Mav feel better then he’d do it.
Maverick wouldn’t admit it, but Ice knew that he was stressed out and worried about Ice. Ice felt like shit for making him worry but there wasn’t much he could do.
“Alright,” Maverick said with a sigh as they approached the building the classes were held in. “Let’s try this.”
Originally Ice wished that he could have Maverick’s optimism but once they were in the classroom full of other people and the teacher was explaining how sign language didn’t have to mean giving up your voice and she was describing the rich culture behind the language he found that he kind of did feel optimistic.
They tried out a few basic signs like spelling out their own names and saying hello. Ice watched the other students who had been there longer flying through signs and having rapid fire conversations and he thought, ‘I could do that someday’ - the first time he’d thought about making it to the future in a long time.
At his next doctor’s appointment Mav dropped him off and went to run errands, promising to pick him up later.
Maverick, for his part, had felt like shit the last few days. He didn’t want to let Ice know and bother his wingman with his own complicated emotions when he was already battling cancer but if there was one person who might understand him it was Penny.
They’d stayed close over the years but nothing romantic had ever come up between them again. As Penny liked to say, ‘that ship had sailed’. But he knew where to find her and he knew that not many people would be hanging around a bar in the middle of the afternoon.
Penny had bought the old O Club and turned it into a slightly nicer establishment, The Hard Deck.
He pushed through the door, little bells on the handles chiming to announce his arrival. Penny looked up from her spot behind the bar and nodded at him.
“What brings you in today Pete?” she asked with a smile.
Maverick ignored her question, taking a seat at the bar instead. “Hey,” he muttered, staring down at the wooden grain of the bar top. “I’ll have a vodka soda.”
Penny huffed as she pulled out a glass, “what’s got you all down in the dumps?” She asked light-heartedly.
“Ice has cancer.”
Penny went stiff then turned slowly back around to look at him. Maverick nodded in confirmation.
“Shit Pete, I didn’t know…” she said, placing the glass down.
He took a long swallow of it. “I know,” he said.
He rested his elbows on the bar top and Penny didn’t scold him, a true sign of her surprise.
“I just-” Maverick ran a hand through his hair, “I just don’t know what to do, how to help him or anything, I feel like I suck at this, he deserves someone better.”
“Oh Pete that’s not true,” Penny sighed. “I’m sure you're taking great care of him.”
Maverick shrugged, made helpless by his own emotions. “What if he dies?” he breathed quietly like somehow the grim reaper himself could hear him. It was the thing that neither Ice nor Maverick had dared voice yet.
“I can’t lose someone else,” he muttered into his drink.
Penny reached across the bar and rubbed his arm soothingly. “You really love him huh?”
Maverick felt himself answering truthfully before he had time to stop himself. “Yeah,” he said, then he paused, realizing what he’d just said, “I mean-” he tried to back pedal.
Penny smiled softly, “I know you Pete, I can tell.” She said.
Maverick swallowed hard, shaking his head, “I don’t know what to do,” he mumbled but he didn’t tell she was wrong. He wasn’t so sure that she was.
By the time he picked Ice up from the doctors Maverick felt a little better. Penny had been a wonderful sounding board, keeping him company as he rambled on about him and Ice and even Goose.
When he got back to the doctors office to pick up Ice he found his wingman sluggish and tired again.
Ice glanced up from the waiting room chair he was sitting in, half asleep, as Maverick walked in. He was wearing an expression of defeat.
“Hey,” Mav said, coming over to him. “How’s my wingman?”
“Not good,” Ice groaned, burying his head in his hands. “They said I have to start chemo and then maybe even have surgery,” he said, shooting an accusatory look around the room at the nurses and doctors.
“Shit I’m sorry Ice,” Mav said with a wince. They’d know that this was probably coming for a while now but it felt worse now that the reality was here.
His next words were second nature by now though, “but we’ll get through this together,” Mav said quietly.
Ice gave him a skeptical look that shot straight to Maverick’s heart and remembered Penny’s words. Did Ice really think that he didn’t care about him?
Ice stumbled to his feet, latching onto Mav’s jacket to steady himself as he swayed and then they were off without another word.
When they got home and went through their usual routine of Maverick getting Ice settled in so he could sleep, Maverick couldn’t stop thinking about it.
He sat perched on the edge of the couch near Ice’s head, having never quite moved after checking his temperature and now he gazed absently down at the sleeping man’s face. Ice slept soundly, exhausted, his features blank and relaxed.
Was it possible that Ice couldn’t see all the things that Maverick thought were obvious? The way Maverick had blushed when the nurse mistook them for boyfriends, how his arms automatically went to support Ice everytime, the way he accidentally tensed when Ice leaned on him.
Ice shifted in his sleep, rolling over slightly and stretching his arms out. “Av..,” he murmured lowly, almost too quiet to hear, smacking his lips together.
Maverick stood up and left.
Iceman had his first dose of chemotherapy the next week. Maverick would like to say that he was nervous and anxious and he was but both men had also become accustomed to the life of constant doctor’s visits and treatments, they were old hands at this by now.
“Remember to take your meds,” Maverick said that morning as he passed Ice in the kitchen. “And stay hydrated,” he added as he made himself coffee.
“Yes,” Ice croaked, his voice was getting more hoarse by the day. Mav patted him on the shoulder.
At the doctor's office they hooked Ice up to an IV and started the slow drip of chemotherapy medicines into his veins. Maverick tried to keep him distracted during the long hours it took by playing card games, watching tv, and reading to him but Ice still seemed depressed.
It was about two weeks later when Maverick found the first clumps of blonde hair spread throughout their house.
He frowned as he picked up the soft strands made fine and brittle by the chemo but he didn’t say anything, instead waiting for Ice to mention it himself. Quietly, he threw the strands of hair away in the kitchen trash bin.
“Mav,” Ice murmured one evening while they were watching tv. Maverick had noticed the man running his hands through his hair while they watched but hadn’t said anything, he thought he might know what Ice’s tone meant.
“Yeah?” Maverick asked softly.
“My hair,” Ice choked out, turning his head so Maverick could see the steadily forming bald spots on the back of his head.
“Oh honey,” Maverick whispered before he could stop himself. Ice didn’t seem to mind.
“We can shave it off if you want.”
Ice nodded and Maverick extended a hand to him, helping him sit up. “C’mere,” he murmured, leading the man into their bathroom.
He plopped Ice down on the lip of the tub and dug through the cabinets until he found the electric razor. Experimentally, he turned it on and listened to the buzz. Ice flinched at the noise and Maverick laid a comforting hand on his thigh.
“S’ok,” he murmured, “you don’t need frosted tips to be Iceman,” he said, trying to joke.
Ice cracked a tiny smile.
“Here,” Maverick said, gesturing towards Ice, “take your shirt off cause this is gonna get messy.”
Ice compiled, tugging his shirt off over his shoulders, revealing the pale expanse of skin underneath. Maverick thought he looked beautiful even as Ice ducked his head in embarrassment. Sure, he’d lost a little of his hard-earned Navy physic since he was off work and not doing intense training but he still carried an air of elegance and strength to him.
Maverick motioned for him to turn around and tucked himself behind Ice in their tub. The faint sound of the buzzing razor filled the air in between them.
Ice tensed at the first brush of the razor against his neck but then relaxed under Maverick’s ministrations, his shoulders slumping forward and his eyes slipping closed.
Maverick kept running the razor over his head, again and again as pale blonde hair floated down between them, landing on Ice’s back and Maverick’s chest like snowflakes. When he was done and Ice was left with a bald head, Maverick made no move to get up.
Ice turned his head to glance behind himself at Maverick, his expression half confused and half sad.
Maverick sent him a smile, brushing a hand over his shoulders to dust the hair off of his back.
“Why?” Ice croaked out, the one word holding so much meaning.
Maverick shrugged but he couldn’t simply be casual anymore. “I’ll take care of you,” he said. “Always.”
“It’s rotten work,” Ice choked. His blue eyes gazed into Maverick’s brown ones.
“Not for me,” Maverick whispered, “not if it’s you.”
He leaned forward, his palms cupping Ice’s shoulders, and Ice met him halfway. Their lips brushed, sweet and soft like they had all the time in the world. Ice tasted like strawberries from the smoothie Maverick had given him earlier. Ice turned to face him more fully, his arms coming up to dance over Maverick’s face, brushing his cheekbones and the back of his neck. He leaned in further, their tongues brushing and he could feel Ice tensing beneath him, his panting becoming louder as the kiss turned hot and open mouthed.
Finally Maverick pulled away, smoothing a finger across Ice’s lips teasingly. “There’ll be plenty of time for that later,” he promised.
Ice grinned back at him, both of their cheeks red-hot, and Maverick didn’t need words to interpret that look.
Ice kept going to his chemotherapy appointments and after a few more weeks the doctors were hesitantly saying that he’d made progress. In the Kasansky-Mitchell household, not much changed besides Mav adding kisses to his temperature check routine and staying with Ice snuggled up on the couch when the other man passed out there.
Things were slow and sweet and gentle, just how Mav liked it in his slightly older and wiser age. The next time he told Penny she was ecstatic.
“I knew it, oh Pete you sly dog!” She cried, giving him a fierce hug.
Maverick laughed despite himself, hugging her back tightly. “Yeah I guess so,” he admitted.
“And the doctors said he’s doing better right?” She asked next.
Maverick nodded, grinning, “well we don’t wanna jinx it but yeah they do,” he said.
Penny smiled brightly at him. “I’m so happy for you two,” she said and he could tell that she meant it.
Maverick thought that he was pretty happy for himself too when he got home and tucked himself between Ice and the back of the couch while his boyfriend -no longer just his wingman- slept. He wrapped an arm around Ice’s waist, tugging him closer to himself.
Ice shifted in his sleep, nuzzling his head into the crook of Maverick’s neck. “Av…,” he groaned.
Mav held him closer and smiled to himself. “Hi,” he breathed.
Ice’s very last chemo treatment came on his and Maverick’s four month anniversary and they couldn’t be happier. The whole gang - Slider, Hollywood, Wolfman, Penny, Viper, Cougar, and Merlin - came to see it happen unbeknownst to Ice.
He thought that they were just gonna do the usual thing and then leave but Maverick couldn’t let that happen so they were greeted at the door to the doctor’s office by a horde of aviators.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” Ice croaked in surprise.
“Seeing you of course,” Slider smirked, “we couldn’t let Maverick here have all the fun.”
Maverick rolled his eyes, slapping Sli on the shoulder.
“Yeah,” Holly added, “gotta see the man, the myth, the legend for ourselves.”
Ice huffed, cracking a small smile.
“Well,” Viper said with a proud grin, “let’s get on with it.”
They headed into the office and if the nurses were surprised to see a massive group of naval aviators they didn’t let it show. Everyone crowded around Ice during his treatment, cracking jokes and being loud and annoying as usual. Mav thought it was the best chemo treatment they’d had so far.
Once they were done and Ice was detached from the machine, he stood up and looked around the room.
“Thank you all,” he muttered, clearing his throat slowly.
They all smiled at him. “Of course,” Slider insisted for all of them.
“And thank you Mav,” Ice added with a smile.
Maverick ducked his head as the others whooped, having caught on about their relationship by now. Slider clapped him on the back, Wood patted his shoulder, and Viper leaned down to whisper into his ear.
“Good job taking care of our boy, son.”
Maverick couldn’t help it, he wiped a few stray tears away from his eyes. He was so goddamned glad this was over.
“Alright,” he said at last, glancing up from the floor. “Go ring the bell, Ice.”
Iceman frowned, “Isn’t that for kids?” he asked hesitantly.
Maverick shook his head, “go ring the fucking bell Ice, you earned it.”
The others laughed and they trooped out into the hallway. Ice reached out and yanked the rope tied to the bell, once, twice, three times the bell rang out definitely and they all shouted their approval amidst happy laughs and tears of joy.
They were still here, Mav thought as he leaned forward to press a kiss to Iceman’s lips. They’d made it, together.