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The first time Zoro dreamt of kissing someone, it was Sanji of all people. When he’d woken up he’d barely remembered the dream. He'd pushed any thought of it out of his mind almost immediately and fallen back asleep. Of course he couldn't look Sanji in the eye for days after, but avoiding him wasn't that much out of the ordinary. So really, it didn't matter. It was just a stupid weird dream.
Zoro rarely remembered his dreams, so he figured it was a strange one time occurrence. Not something he needed to worry about.
But then Zoro had a second dream. And this time he dreamed of kissing Luffy.
He'd startled out of his sleep, nearly falling out of his hammock as he sat bolt upright. He steadied himself as much as he could in the sway of the fabric and readjusted his position.
His heart was racing for some reason, but he closed his eyes and tried to settle back into sleep. It was just a dream. No big deal.
Except this time, for some reason, he couldn't seem to just brush it off as a weird subconscious blip and fall back asleep. He couldn't even pretend it hadn't been extremely vivid.
Why the hell was he dreaming about kissing his crew mates? And why was he dreaming of kissing men in particular. He pursed his lips, letting out a long exhale through his nose. He’d never really thought too hard about attraction, he mostly thought that he didn’t feel much of it.
He’d sort of thought that any sort of crush was a fluke anyway, he was pretty certain he didn’t have much of an interest in anyone like that. Which made him having two dreams about kissing people so strange.
Zoro turned over, trying to push the image of Luffy crowding his space and pressing their lips together out of his mind.
Weird.
This one was sticking a lot stronger. When he'd dreamed about kissing the cook, it was mostly just a vague half remembered nightmare. With Luffy, it made him feel…strange. It lingered.
Zoro could admit that Luffy was attractive. In an objective way. Maybe. He didn't really think that mattered all that much. It was just something anyone would observe. What was more concerning was that Luffy was important to him, and these weird feelings about a dream were inappropriate. He felt like his brain was exhibiting a weird betrayal of his captain's trust by conjuring images of them pressed close together, hands tangling in hair, and sliding up shirts. Zoro’s face felt warm just thinking about it.
Weird. Really weird.
He had no idea what could have possibly prompted these dreams. Or why this one was getting to him so much. Sure, he and Luffy were close, but that didn’t mean anything, Luffy was close with everyone in the crew.
He just really hoped this wasn't going to make him feel as weird as the Sanji dream had. When he hadn't been able to avoid the cook, he felt more tense than usual around him, like somehow he would know.
If he started getting tense around Luffy it would probably stick out a lot more. Zoro scowled. Of all the dreams to remember it had to be one that was going to make his waking days more complicated.
No.
He wouldn't let that happen. He'd just forget it. It wasn't a big deal. Dreams were dreams; something your mind pulled together from things you'd seen and heard. That was all.
Zoro didn't sleep the rest of the night.
When he finally went up to the deck, he felt under rested and irritable. The feeling didn't leave him for the majority of the day, and neither did the dream. Every time he looked at Luffy he felt his face get a little hot as his brain ever so helpfully supplied thoughts about why he’d dreamed of kissing him. Because of that, despite what he'd told himself, he did end up avoiding Luffy. Not on purpose. Not really. He just…wasn't seeking him out. Which mostly led to him wandering around the Going Merry very aimlessly.
Apparently noticeably so.
"You've been acting weird today," Nami commented. She'd more or less cornered him as he rummaged around the kitchen. He had been intentionally avoiding the cook, and hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch that day.
Zoro frowned. "Yeah? How's that?" He asked.
"I've barely seen you all day. I thought you'd finally ditched the whole loner thing," she said, crossing her arms.
Zoro shut a door a little harder than he meant to before straightening up and shrugging. "I didn't get much sleep last night," he said.
"So?"
"So? Did you even have a point or are you just confronting me for the hell of it?"
"Luffy was asking where you were, too. Several times. Which is weird because you've been glued to his side since I've been back. Did something happen?" She asked. There was something a little too knowing about the way she spoke and it set Zoro on edge.
"Nothing happened. I'm just tired," he grumbled. He settled for grabbing a piece of bread off the counter before walking out of the kitchen. It was stale, but he really didn't care.
He did not want to talk to Nami about why he was avoiding people. He'd get over it, probably wouldn't even remember it tomorrow.
As he walked out of the kitchen he passed by Usopp and Luffy. Hoping they'd ignore him was probably a little too optimistic. Luffy was following him almost immediately.
Zoro kept walking, but stopped dead in his tracks when Luffy's hand touched his shoulder. "Zoro! Are you feeling alright? I feel like I haven't seen you all day. You didn't even eat with us. Is something wrong?"
Zoro did his best to relax his shoulders and hold a neutral expression. "Just tired, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night," he said, not meeting Luffy's eye.
Luffy looked thoughtful, but he shrugged. He seemed satisfied with the reason. "Then you should rest. I hope you get some good sleep tonight. You never know what the next day might bring." He patted Zoro on the shoulder before turning to go back to Usopp who'd been watching the interaction, and was now, very badly, pretending he wasn't.
Zoro walked to the cabins and groaned. He laid down, putting a hand over his eyes. This was so annoying. Not only had he very been very unsuccessful in acting normal, the entire crew seemed to have noticed right away. He needed to get some sleep, maybe he’d have a dream about kissing Nami or Usopp, and know his brain was just fried and that the dreams meant nothing. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying very hard to convince himself that way true anyway. He didn’t want things to be weird with Luffy, he didn’t really think he could handle that.
Luffy was the most important person in his life now. That wasn't up for debate. He wasn't going to keep acting like an ass because of his own personal hang ups about a weird dream that he couldn't get out of his head. He’d be back to normal tomorrow.
Unfortunately, the morning did not bring the relief of normalcy that Zoro had hoped.
“You have been avoiding me more than normal for more than a full week,” Sanji said, pointing a finger at Zoro.
Sanji had managed to get him alone on the main deck after he skipped out on breakfast again, and Zoro was truly contemplating throwing himself overboard rather than having this conversation.
“Hey, stop staring at the water, I’m talking to you.”
Zoro’s eye snapped up as he clenched his jaw and scowled. “So what if I have,” he said.
“So? So, we’re a crew, you idiot. This boat is not that big. It’s gotten to the point where you’re avoiding everyone else, too. I don’t care if you don’t like me, but it’s making you a terrible shipmate, and I’m not the only one who thinks so,” he lectured.
Zoro really hated this. He knew Sanji was right, but that didn’t mean he’d ever admit it. Instead he said nothing, looking back over the edge of the ship at the moving waves.
Sanji let out an exasperated noise. “I don’t even know why you’re avoiding me so much more right now. Care to share?” he said.
Zoro pulled a disgusted face and scoffed. “I’ll see you at lunch,” he said, hoping that that would at least get Sanji off his back.
He heard Sanji huff behind him, but thankfully he didn’t follow after him.
Zoro made his best effort not to avoid anyone for the rest of the day, helping where he could with sailing, and hanging around the deck quietly the rest of the time. He wasn’t really talking, but at least he wasn’t sulking.
Luffy kept shooting Zoro smiles, and it made his heart rate pick up in a very annoying way.
He needed a drink. Something to take the edge off. Maybe that would help him to feel less weird every time he made eye contact with Luffy’s big brown eyes and his blinding smile.
He definitely needed a drink.
Never one to feel it was too early to start drinking, he went down to the store rooms rummaging around for the bottle of whiskey he’d been working on. It was mostly full, but he wondered how much he'd need to actually feel anything. He wasn't entirely sure he really wanted to get drunk, but he wanted to feel at least nicely buzzed by the end of the night.
When he came back out onto the deck, Nami caught his eye and came over to him in a half jog before he could disappear. “You gonna share that?” She asked.
“Hadn’t planned to.”
“Oh come on, Zoro, the more the merrier, right?” Usopp said, already coming to join Nami.
Zoro pursed his lips, but he didn’t protest any further.
“Think of it as a crew bonding exercise!” Usopp added, swinging his arm around Zoro’s shoulder as they walked to find somewhere to sit down.
Zoro shrugged his arm off and sighed. He supposed it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. At least he could still drink. It’d ease his tension. It’d be good for him. Hopefully it’d make him forget about his weird new found feelings.
It took a surprisingly short amount of time for Zoro to feel buzzed… and by the time they’d started playing drinking games, well he felt drunk. Properly drunk, for the first time in a long time.
It was easier to relax, easier to laugh along with the conversation. Thankfully not being the only one drinking meant he didn't stick out too sorely either. They’d started playing a drinking game of never have I ever a little less than an hour ago, and everyone was participating aside from Luffy, who was just happy to be there counting down his answers on his fingers.
The questions were mild, but as the night wore on, and people drank more from the game, people got a little less shy.
“Never have I ever had sex with someone on the first date,” Nami said.
Sanji took a shot.
“Never have I ever been the most beautiful girl in the room,” Sanji said with a wink at Nami.
Nami rolled her eyes but took a shot anyway. “That was targeted, I’m the only girl here, technically I’m doing what you said right now.”
“Pretty sure yours was targeted too,” Usopp pointed out with a laugh.
“No it wasn’t!” Nami protested.
“Please, who else would you have thought did what you asked?” Usopp giggled.
“I don't know! Any of you could have been having wild sex with anyone before we were a crew, the point of the game is not knowing!”
“Never have I ever had wild sex,” Usopp laughed, and this time Nami and Sanji took a drink.
When Nami looked at him expectantly at his lack of taking a shot, he shrugged.
“I think Zoro is lying,” Nami said, pointing at him as she exaggerated the last word.
He made a face, “I was more focused on other things,” he said.
This brought up a chorus of laughter and crude comments from the rest of the crew, but seemed
to end the game as they devolved into embarrassing conversation, everyone was still laughing, and poking fun, aside from Luffy. He’d practically had all of his fingers still up before the game had ended, and now he seemed to just be absorbing the conversation.
Zoro wondered if Luffy had ever slept with anyone at all, or even kissed anyone. He seemed like maybe he was similar to Zoro’s level of experience. Probably had his mind on other things more pressing, too.
Unfortunately this meant Zoro couldn’t help but think of his dream, again. But it was less distressing now. All he could think about at the moment was how cute Luffy was, how maybe it would feel to actually kiss him. If his lips would be as soft as they’d been in his dream. He let his gaze linger over Luffy’s lips, still smiling at something Nami had said. He hadn’t let himself feel any type of way other than guilty and embarrassed about the whole thing until now. But now he was thinking about how he wanted to see what it would be like. Zoro sometimes wondered if Luffy really did favor him over the rest of the crew, even if it was to a small degree. Maybe he’d even want to kiss Zoro back.
Wait.
Since when did he want to kiss Luffy? Had the dream been something that now seeping into his waking hours really meant that’s what he wanted?
Luffy met his eye, snapping him out of the train of thought with another well aimed smile. “You’ve been staring at me a lot,” He said, just as a statement.
Zoro shrugged. “I like looking at you,” he said without thinking. Luffy’s grin widened.
Thankfully none of the other members of the crew seemed to catch the interaction, but Nami was shoving another shot in his face.
“Zoro, I don’t even think you’re drunk! That’s totally not fair!”
He rolled his eyes, but he didn’t turn down the shot, taking it like water.
He hadn’t even realized that he’d put his arm around Luffy until Usopp pointed it out. Instead of getting defensive like he might have, he simply shrugged, pulling Luffy closer. Luffy certainly didn’t seem to mind, which made him feel something like pride swell in his chest.
“Oh my god wait, are you drunk?” Nami asked excitedly. “Are you just a touchy drunk, oh my god,” she cackled.
“Please, it’s not like he’s not already attached to our captain’s hip when he’s sober,” Sanji said.
Zoro scoffed but chose not to say anything.
The rest of the night passed as somewhat of a blur full of laughter and teasing, and it was no surprise when Zoro woke up he was well and properly hung over with a pounding headache. He groaned, rubbing his eyes.
Zoro sat up, his head spinning as he ran back the events of the night prior in his head. Not his brightest hour. Mostly he couldn’t stop thinking about Luffy pressed against his side, smiling at him as they laughed with the crew. He was pretty sure they’d stayed like that for an extended period of time. He also thought vaguely about his revelation that he did in fact want to kiss Luffy, and came to the unfortunate conclusion that it wasn't just a drunken lapse of judgment. He considered himself lucky that he hadn’t acted on it with how much he’d thought about it last night.
It also made him feel incredibly guilty. More than before. Because now, he wasn’t feeling guilty over something he’d just randomly dreamed up, but about the fact that he wanted to genuinely kiss Luffy. And that that spoke to the potential of his genuine feelings.
And sure, he knew it sort of made some sort of sense, but he also knew that nothing would, or could, ever happen. Luffy was too important to him to risk making things weirder than they already were going to be. Because if he couldn’t even act normally about having a dream, he had a sinking feeling he most definitely wouldn’t be acting normal about a revelation like this.
He hid in his cabin for as long as he felt he could, but he figured he could blame anything on the hangover, at least for today. He knew the others had to be just as hungover as him, if not worse.
Heading above deck proved his point as the first thing he did was Usopp leaned over the side of the boat throwing up as Sanji rubbed his back.
Zoro wrinkled his nose. He almost stepped on Nami as he passed by her splayed out on the deck with her arm over her eyes. He squinted, the light of the shining sun was doing nothing to alleviate his own headache. He scanned the rest of the ship finding that of course Luffy was entirely unaffected, sitting on the goat head figure at the bow of the ship, lounging lazily as he looked at the clear blue skies.
At least his absence probably wouldn’t be noticed.
Zoro spent the majority of the day sulking in different parts of the ship, trying very hard to think of ways to avoid his feelings. He couldn’t avoid Luffy forever, and even if he could he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to avoid him at all. It felt wrong not being by his side.
This shit was too complicated, and he hated it. Feelings were stupid.
Eventually Zoro figured he needed food, and he made his way towards the kitchen. He could hear the chatter of the crew inside as he approached, and he strongly considered just turning around and going to his cabin.
He stood outside the door for an extended period of time, so long that he barely avoided getting smacked with the door when Luffy opened it.
“Oh! Zoro! I was just going to find you,” Luffy said, smiling, though it looked less confident than usual.
“I was just coming up for dinner,” Zoro said, looking past Luffy at the other crew members. Nami had her eyes narrowed, and seemed to be staring him down. Wonderful.
“Well come eat,” Luffy said, tugging Zoro’s arm to pull him towards the food.
Zoro sat and ate in silence looking anywhere but at Luffy, or anyone for that matter, tuning out the conversation happening around him.
Zoro was so absorbed in avoiding everyone’s eyes that he didn’t even notice that it was just him and Luffy alone in the kitchen until it was too late.
"You’ve been acting really strange, Zoro." Luffy said.
Zoro was quiet. He wasn't sure what to say. He had been acting weird, and there was no blaming it on the lack of sleep, or the hangover, because it was becoming too consistent.
He wanted to run, to get away from this conversation and not deal with it until he knew what to do. He couldn’t risk making things worse than they already were.
"I didn’t see you all day again," Luffy said, pressing the subject. He took a step closer into Zoro's space, grabbing his hand, rubbing his thumb across the back. "I don't like you avoiding me."
Zoro could feel his heart beating heavy and fast in his chest as he looked at Luffy's vulnerable expression. His eyes shifted, but he didn't pull his hand away. "I'm not trying to avoid you, I just…" he shrugged noncommittally as the sentence trailed off. "I've been feeling weird. I'm dealing with it,” he grit out.
Luffy scrunched up his face. "Well you don't have to deal with it alone, do you? Because it doesn’t seem like you’re dealing with it very well."
Zoro let out a small huff. Luffy always made everything out to be so simple, and it almost never was.
"So tell me, what's wrong? Maybe I can help." Luffy offered.
Zoro felt so tense he thought he might just snap. He took a deep breath, trying to relax. “It’s something I have to deal with on my own,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because… It's personal.”
Luffy seemed extremely dissatisfied with the answer. “You can tell me anything,” he pulled Zoro’s hand to his chest. “I’m your captain, and you're my first mate.”
Zoro could feel his heart hammering against his chest at the words. He knew he was repeating what Zoro had said to him when he’d woken up, after he’d pledged himself to Luffy. Really looking back, he should have known about his feelings for Luffy then, which only served to make him scowl at his lap at the moment.
When he finally looked back at Luffy, his eyes were intense, boring into Zoro in a way that made him shiver.
“I can’t ruin things,” Zoro told him.
Luffy furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
“I…” God he didn’t even know what to say. He couldn’t find the words. What was he supposed to say? That he’d dreamed of kissing Luffy? That he was hopelessly devoted to him in a very decidedly not platonic way? He couldn’t.
“Zoro,” Luffy said, his voice almost pleading, “I don’t want you to keep avoiding me, so whatever it is, it’s fine. As long as you stop avoiding me, it’s fine.”
Zoro could yell. He wanted to tear his hair out. He was clearly making Luffy upset no matter how hard he tried to salvage the situation. “I don’t want to avoid you, I want to be with you all the time. That’s the problem.”
“Why would that ever be a problem? I just told you I don’t want you to avoid me,” he squeezed Zoro’s hand.
Zoro clenched his fists. "You don't know what I mean," he said.
“That’s because you’re not telling me what you mean,” Luffy said, a note of frustration in his voice.
Zoro had never really been one for words, he always spoke through his actions, so on impulse he moved in for a kiss. He could feel Luffy gasp against his lips before he somewhat unsurely returned the motion. It was a brief kiss, but it sent sparks up Zoro’s spine. When he pulled back to look at Luffy, he looked a little dazed.
“That’s what I mean,” he said, hoping desperately that he hadn’t just made a terrible mistake.
“You wanted to kiss me?” he asked, like it was a simple question about the weather, and not something Zoro had been agonizing over for days.
“Yeah, sorry,” he managed. He shut his eyes tight, wishing that he’d done things a hundred things differently, wishing that he hadn’t had that stupid dream, and the stupid revelation to follow it up.
He felt a gentle hand on his cheek, and his breath caught in his throat. “Why are you sorry?”
Zoro’s eyes snapped open, and his eyes met Luffy’s. “Wait, you--” before he could finish his sentence, Luffy was pulling him in for a proper kiss.
It probably wasn’t the most incredible kiss anyone had ever had, but it was the most incredible kiss Zoro had ever had. He tilted his head, reaching to pull Luffy closer when the door swung open and they pulled apart.
“Oh.” Nami said.
Zoro was going to kill someone.
“I fucking knew it,” She said.
Zoro was going to kill her.
“Hi Nami,” Luffy said, apparently completely unphased. “Did you need something?”
Nami grinned smugly, “Nope, but I do need to find Sanji, he owes me berry.”
As she left Zoro deflated, putting a hand over his face. Wonderful. Great. Now he had an entirely different reason to avoid everyone. He looked back at Luffy, who was smiling at him, soft and sweet in a way that made him want to kiss him all over again, and he decided to do just that. He could deal with everything else later, for right now he was content.