Archive of Our Own

"Wait, Yeosang, let me--!"

Jongho held back a sigh, napkin hovering, as he watched the condiments of Yeosang's burger drip from the bun and land on his shirt. He was just a little too late in his warning, and now Yeosang's shirt had a line of a ketchup and mustard mixture soaking into the fabric. A pickle slid out next, landing on the boy's lap. Yeosang looked at him sheepishly, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. The condiments were also smothered around his downturned mouth along with a piece of shredded lettuce that stuck to the corner. He pouted further, lips shiny and sticky, and turned big eyes to Jongho.

"Sorry, Jjongie," Yeosang said quietly. He went to put his burger back on his plate, but Jongho stopped him.

"No, it's okay. Keep eating. We'll change your clothes after you're finished," Jongho said and turned back to his own meal, but first reached over to pluck the stray pickle from Yeosang's lap. Wooyoung giggled at Yeosang's predicament, but a look from Jongho sobered him up.

After their dance practice, Wooyoung and Yeosang were feeling small. It was likely the knowledge that the two were schedule free for the rest of the day that allowed them to slip. Jongho, being the only other member without any activities planned, was tasked with babysitting duty until Seonghwa and Hongjoong finished their own schedules. He didn't really mind it as Wooyoung and Yeosang were generally well behaved enough for him, and he had everything he needed to tend to them. Seonghwa's motherly intuition towards his members allowed him the foresight to pack a bag with anything Jongho might need. He glanced at the non distinct, black backpack that rested on the bench, and mentally thanked his hyung for saving him the trouble of trying to salvage Yeosang's outfit.

The three finished up their meal fairly quickly, as they usually did after an intense practice. Yeosang had spilled a bit more on his clothes, Jongho noted as he held Yeosang's chin in place and wiped his mouth clean from any residual burger. Discarding the used wet wipe, he turned to Wooyoung next, who squirmed as his face was also cleaned, though his was not nearly as messy.

"Let's go get you changed, Yeosang," Jongho said, directing the other two to stand and follow him. He shouldered the backpack and made sure they had any other belongings gathered up before making their way to the restroom.

Once there, Jongho first coaxed them into using the bathroom. They did so with no fuss, and Jongho was grateful. He really didn't want to have to make use of certain supplies Seonghwa had packed. Wooyoung emerged from the stall first, skipping over to the sink to wash his hands. Jongho watched him with a hint of smile gracing his features and then helped him hop on the counter while they waited for Yeosang. A few more minutes passed, and Jongho kept Wooyoung occupied by playing some hand game that he had made up. Jongho wasn't really sure what the purpose or the rules were, but it kept Wooyoung happy. After a few rounds, he figured he needed to check on Yeosang.

"Yeosang, is everything okay?" he asked, not turning his eyes away from the game. Wooyoung squealed in delight as Jongho lightly tapped his hands as Wooyoung was too slow to pull them away.

The door squeaking open was the answer Jongho received, and he turned to the boy shuffling out of the stall. His hands were gripping his jeans as he struggled to button them.

"Help?" Yeosang quietly requested, and Jongho was quick to oblige. He nudged Yeosang toward an open sink to wash his hands, nodding when he promptly soaped up his hands. He held out a paper towel, and Yeosang took it to finish the job.

"You ready to change your shirt now?" Jongho asked, already unzipping the backpack and rifling through it until he pulled out a simple long sleeve shirt.

Yeosang frowned at the garment. He squeezed the damp paper towel in his fists and turned the puppy eyes to Jongho.

"I want to wear this shirt," he told him, pointing at himself.

Jongho took a step towards him, gently tugging the used paper towel out of his grasp and tossing it into the bin. "That shirt got dirty while you were eating. You don't want to wear a dirty shirt, right?"

"Yeah, Sangie, it's got ketchup on it!" Wooyoung contributed, and Jongho hoped he didn't start teasing.

Yeosang whined a little, tugging at his shirt's hem. "It's not that bad," was the weak argument he came up with.

Jongho easily loosened the grip Yeosang had on his shirt and held his hands. "I can't let you wear a messy shirt, Yeosang." He swung their hands together, trying to lighten Yeosang's mood before he truly got upset. "Seonghwa-hyung would put me on dish duty for a week if he saw you like this."

He got a tiny giggle in response to that, and Jongho's heart melted a bit. Yeosang's little giggles were one of the most endearing things to Jongho. All of their laughs warmed his heart, but something about Yeosang's filled his heart like no other. He smiled, and Yeosang giggled again.

The sweet moment between them was cut short as Wooyoung spoke up, "Come on, Sangie! Let Jjongie change you and let's go to the convenience store. I want snacks for a movie night!"

"Who said you're getting snacks?" Jongho asked as he patted Yeosang's shoulder, who was pouting now. He ignored Wooyoung for the moment and took Yeosang's momentary sulking as his opportunity to tug his soiled shirt over his head. The action made the boy shiver, so Jongho was quick to pull the clean top over his head. He helped guide his arms through the sleeves and straightened Yeosang's hair, giving his nose a little boop to make him smile again.

He took the soiled shirt and folded it so the stains wouldn't spread as he placed it into the backpack. Wooyoung popped up by his side then and peered inside. Amused, he let Wooyoung snoop around for a bit, and he couldn't help but tease him.

"You looking for a pacifier?"

"No!" he sputtered. "I don't need one!"

Before he could debate that fact with Wooyoung, there was a tug on Jongho's sleeve. He turned to Yeosang, who had his hand resting against his mouth.

Softly, he asked, "Can I have one?"

"Of course," Jongho said as he unzipped an inner pocket to reveal a plastic case that held a couple of pacifiers. He opened it and offered it to Yeosang, letting him choose which he wanted. Once the boy had placed it into his mouth, Jongho offered the other pacifier to Wooyoung, who turned his head. He let it go, put away the case, and pulled out masks for the three of them. After they were covered, Jongho did a quick once over of the boys and gestured for them to follow him.

"Jjongie, can we please go to the convenience store?" Wooyoung wheedled.

It seemed like Yeosang was going to join in the begging this time. "I want ice cream," he mumbled around the hidden pacifier and reached out to tug on Jongho's sleeve.

Jongho was going to take them to the store anyway, but he couldn't help but tease them a bit. "I don't know. What are you two going to get me if we go?"

They started throwing out different options from drinks to chips to noodles, and Jongho pretended to be in deep thought about his choices, playfully denying their suggestions. This little game kept them distracted, and they didn't even realize Jongho was leading them to the convenience store until they were standing outside of it.

Wooyoung noticed first and gasped. He darted forward to enter the building, but Jongho caught his elbow before he could make it inside. Wooyoung whined a bit, trying to squirm out of his hold.

"Let go!" he demanded as he continued to pull against Jongho's grip.

"Wooyoung, we need to stay together," he said firmly. "Don't run off, and that goes for you too, Yeosang." He caught a glance of Yeosang creeping closer to the door. "Do I need to hold your hands or will you two behave?"

"That's for babies, Jjongie!" Wooyoung fussed.

Jongho let go of his arm. "Then you need to show me you can be a big boy and not wander off. Understand?"

The shorter boy nodded reluctantly, and Yeosang mimed the gesture. Satisfied with that, Jongho gestured for the two to follow him into the store. He could tell Wooyoung was dying to run off, if the bouncy jittering he was doing was any indicator. Not wanting to add any more stress to the overly excited boy, Jongho grabbed a basket and led them to one of the many aisles filled with salty and savory snacks. Wooyoung immediately began grabbing bags off the shelves and tossing them into the basket. Yeosang did so too, but he spent more time contemplating which snacks to grab. Instead of putting them in the basket himself, he handed them to Jongho. Jongho let them do as they please, knowing that they were getting snacks for everyone, and maybe he just wanted to spoil them a bit. It wasn't very often he was left on his own with any of the littles.

As they moved to the next aisle, Jongho considered how his hyungs would be handling the situation. Would they limit the amount of snacks being piled into the tiny basket? Seonghwa would for sure, and he'd gently suggest that they should only get what they really wanted so as to not waste any food. Hongjoong would probably give them strict limits on how much they could get. A hint of worry washed over Jongho at the thought. Would he be scolded for letting Wooyoung and Yeosang go overboard? He didn't think it was likely, but then he thought back to Yeosang's soiled shirt. Seonghwa would have immediately taken him to the bathroom to change him. He'd get Yeosang cleaned up and back to his meal, making sure to either cut his food or wrap a napkin around his neck so there would be no more messes. He'd then neglect his own meal to start pretreating the stains so they wouldn't be forever embedded into the fabric. Hongjoong would probably just feed Yeosang himself and then take him to change after everyone had finished.

Jongho didn't do any of that.

Maybe he just wasn't a natural at this caretaking thing. While he enjoyed looking after the littles from time to time, he couldn't help but feel a bit inadequate in comparison to his hyungs. They made it look so easy, taking their tantrums in stride, soothing tears of all kinds, keeping them happy, and settling arguments before they could get out of hand. It made Jongho feel better if he could fall back on either Seonghwa or Hongjoong when Jongho found himself overwhelmed or if conflict seemed evident. While he could be stern if any of them acted up, and they all listened to him as none of the littles wanted a swat from Jongho, he didn't always want to be in that position of authority.

"Jjongie, Jjongie!"

He was pulled from his thoughts at a tug on his sleeve. He turned to Wooyoung and placed his hand on the other's to stop him from stretching out his sleeve.

"Jjongie, what kind of ice cream do you want?" Wooyoung asked sweetly. Even with the mask, Jongho could see his smile through the twinkle in his eyes and the pure adoration he held for Jongho as he beamed at him. He couldn't help but give his hair a quick ruffle, smiling when Wooyoung leaned into the action.

"I'm okay, Wooyoung, but thank you. I'll just eat something from what we have already," Jongho answered, turning his eyes to Yeosang, who was straying further and further away. "Yeosang, come back over here, please." He was ignored, and Wooyoung made a little noise of surprise. "Yeosang," he tried again, tone a bit firmer. The boy still didn't move, instead drifting just a little further away from his members. "If I have to come get you, we're putting half of this stuff back."

"What?!" Wooyoung shrieked. "That's not fair, Jjongie! Sangie, get over here!"

Before Wooyoung could complain more, Yeosang dragged himself over to Jongho, who didn't hesitate to take the wandering boy's hand in his own. "What did we talk about before we got here, Yeosang?"

He fidgeted, almost stomping. "Stay close."

"Mm-hm, that's right, and what were you doing?" Jongho calmly asked.

"Lookin' at candy," he replied, and Jongho almost rolled his eyes.

"Stay next to me, and we'll finish up here and head home," Jongho declared, relieved that Yeosang listened and Wooyoung didn't protest. They finished out the aisle they were in, Jongho indulgently letting Yeosang finish looking at the candy. He ended up choosing a few items and showed them to Jongho, silently asking for approval. Jongho just nodded and smiled when Yeosang finally put something in the basket on his own. They ambled through the last of the aisles that interested them and finally made it to the cashier.

Now that they were on their way back to the dorm, Jongho was starting to doubt himself again as he held four of the five bags of snacks they had gotten. (Wooyoung had insisted on carrying the other.) Maybe Hongjoong and Seonghwa wouldn't mind. Before he could give it much more though, Jongho's heart dropped as Wooyoung darted ahead.

"Wooyoung!" he called, shifting all of the bags to one side so he could grasp Yeosang's hand in his other and urging the boy along quickly to catch up with Wooyoung.

Fortunately, Wooyoung stopped soon enough and started talking animatedly to the person he apparently ran to. Jongho felt his anger flare until he got closer and realized who it was.

"Jjongie, Sannie's here!" Wooyoung exclaimed. He was smiling until he caught the look on Jongho's face, instantly shrinking to hide behind San. "Don't be mad!"

"Don't be mad!" San repeated.

Jongho just sighed. "I'll let it go this time, but you do that again, Jung Wooyoung, and you're getting spanked." He ignored the cry of indignation and nodded his head forward so the group could finish the short distance they had left until they arrived at the dorm. He kept holding Yeosang's hand, and the other didn't seem to mind it now. Maybe he was afraid to incur Jongho's wrath after what he tried in the store and Wooyoung's stunt just now. He kept an eye on San and Wooyoung, who were walking just a bit ahead of him. He could tell by San's speech patterns and the way the two were playing that San was well on his way into regressing too, if not already there. That was fine, Jongho decided. He could handle three littles.

---

Jongho could handle three littles, sure.

But he wasn't sure if he could handle five littles.

When they had arrived at the dorm, both Mingi and Yunho were there, and once they started talking to the other boys and saw the assortment of snacks they'd get to enjoy later, it took no time at all for them to regress as well. And now, Jongho stood in the middle of the room, watching chaos unfold.

Wooyoung and Yunho were wrestling while San acted as referee, though he was really just egging them on to do increasingly stupid moves. All three of them were yelling and laughing. Yeosang was seated on the couch, playing a game on Yunho's Switch with the volume all the way up, and Mingi was holding a concert for a pile of plushies he'd gathered. Where he'd found a recorder, Jongho wasn't sure, but he was definitely breaking that thing. He contemplated calling one of his hyungs, but nothing had really happened to warrant that. It was just loud. Jongho repressed a sigh as he felt his head begin to throb.

"I'm getting a glass of water," he announced to the room. "Does anyone want anything?"

He was met with a cacophony of requests, which he'd managed to sort through without too much difficulty. Once he was in the kitchen, he took a moment to down a glass and a half of water before he made an effort to get everyone else's drinks. He filled up five sippy cups quickly and fastened the lids securely. He wasn't going to deal with any spills if he could help it.

He passed out each cup with ease, and revelled in the brief respite from the noise it allotted him as each member sucked down their drinks. They soon went back to their fun, and Jongho was grateful they all settled on a somewhat quieter activity of a board game. He plopped on the couch to observe. As they were setting up the pieces, Jongho took a moment to lean his head back, eyes closed and breaths deep. He would really like to take a nap for an hour or two, but babysitting came first.

Of course, his impromptu break was interrupted by a tug on his pants leg. He cracked an eye open to look at San.

"I can't get the lid off," San said through a pout, clutching his sippy cup with both hands.

Jongho sat up, answering simply, "You don't need to take the lid off."

"But I want the ice," he said and held the cup out for Jongho to take.

"Just finish drinking it. Chewing ice is bad for your teeth, San," Jongho stated with a tone of finality.

San continued to pout, but turned his attention back to the board game. Jongho pretended not to notice him still trying to uncap the sippy cup just moments later. He knew he had it on tightly enough that it was unlikely San would succeed.

"Jjongie, are you sure you don't want to play?" Yunho asked.

"It's a five player game."

"You can be partners with me!" he exclaimed and looked at Jongho with excited eyes.

"I want Jjongie to be my partner," Mingi said, not about to lose the opportunity to Yunho. "Please, Jjongie?"

"No! He's my partner!" Wooyoung yelled.

Feeling like this was going to get out of control very quickly, Jongho spoke, "I'm not going to be anyone's partner right now, but after you guys play a few rounds by yourselves, I'll take turns being partners with each of you." Receiving no protests at his offer, Jongho continued, "Whoever wins the first game will get to be partners with me first."

That caused a little uproar and Jongho chuckled at their enthusiasm. Hopefully with them focused on the game, Jongho could relax for a moment, despite the noise he knew would come with the competitive gameplay. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes again. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping, but resting his eyes helped keep the still looming headache at bay. He was able to get a solid twelve minutes of downtime before shit hit the fan.

A pop of a lid and a shocked gasp had Jongho wrenching his eyes open. He looked down to see San holding the lid and cup in separate hands, and his clothes were completely soaked with the juice he'd been drinking. Wooyoung and Yunho barked out laughs at San's predicament, which had the boy's lip wobbling, eyes filling with tears, and face burning in embarrassment.

Before he could begin to quell San's impending meltdown, Mingi screeched and roughly shoved Yeosang away from him. The noise set San off, and he blubbered loudly. Yeosang and Mingi joined him, though not quite as loudly.

"Jjongie! Yeosang licked me!" Mingi cried and held out his arm. Jongho could just see the shine of saliva that coated his skin.

"It's just spit, you dummy!" Wooyoung yelled, as he went to hug Yeosang. "Don't push my Sangie!" He demanded and tried to shove Mingi further away, but Mingi avoided him. Yunho didn't appreciate seeing his friend almost get pushed, so he squeezed himself between them to keep Wooyoung away. "Move, Yunnie!"

"No! Don't pick on Mingi!" Yunho argued.

"He pushed Sangie!"

"Sangie licked him!"

"Jjongie!"

Jongho didn't even know where to begin. His head was spinning and he tried to breathe deeply to calm himself. San was pulling on his pants leg again and had buried his face into the couch cushion, so he put his hand on top of his head in an attempt to soothe him as he tried to dispel the argument amongst the others. Before he had a chance to even open his mouth, Yeosang tipped the board game off of the table, sending the pieces flying. This caused Yunho, sweet little gamer that he was, to start crying too.

"Yeosang!" Jongho scolded. "Why would you do that?" he asked, frustration coloring his tone.

"The game is dumb!" he wailed, red faced and angry though tears still flowed from his eyes.

Yunho hiccuped as he held one of the pieces in his hands. "You ruined it!" He raised his hand to throw it, but luckily Jongho was able to stop him.

"Do not throw that, Yunho." The scolding tone made Yunho cry a little more, but he did not throw the game piece. However, he didn't catch that Mingi had also taken a piece and chucked it at Wooyoung and Yeosang. The tiny figure obviously wouldn't do much damage, but it did make Wooyoung feel more righteous in his effort to protect Yeosang. He jumped up, ready to throttle Mingi, and Jongho felt his heart drop. He hurriedly tried to pull his pant leg out of San's grip, knowing that he couldn't let Mingi and Wooyoung get into an actual, physical tussle, but it looked to be headed that way. San redoubled his efforts to hold on to Jongho, wailing loudly.

"Sannie, please, let go of Jjongie for just a minute," he pleaded, trying to keep his tone even to hide the growing panic he felt swelling in his chest. He rarely ever used their nicknames, especially his own, but he was desperate. It was fruitless though, as San just wrapped his arms and legs around Jongho's leg. "San, please!" he tried again. "Your brothers are fighting!"

Just as Wooyoung descended onto Mingi, the door flew open, and rushed footsteps echoed through the hall.

"What is going on here?" Hongjoong demanded.

Everyone froze. Then they all began speaking (even Jongho), and there was no chance of distinguishing any of it.

"Quiet!" their captain ordered, and then nothing could be heard other than tiny sniffles and whines. "Wooyoung, Mingi, separate right now."

Hongjoong surveyed the room, Seonghwa beside him doing the same, and Jongho felt awful. He didn't know how things had spiralled so quickly. He ducked his head, not wanting to meet the gaze of his hyungs while he racked his brain for a way to explain. His breath became labored and his hands shook, so he squeezed them into fists. His head pounded at his temples and his knee began to bounce anxiously.

Suddenly, a warm hand was placed on his shoulder, and it jolted Jongho out of his reverie. He blinked and turned wide eyes to Seonghwa, who was watching him with worry.

"Jongho, sweetheart, why don't you take a moment and hang out in our room for a bit, okay?" he asked, but Jongho knew it was an order. "Hyungs will take care of things out here, and we'll come check on you in a moment."

He jerked his head in what he hoped looked like a normal enough nod and stiffly rose from the couch. He hadn't even noticed that San had relinquished his hold until he looked down and caught sight of the boy curled up close to Seonghwa, still crying softly but trying to soothe himself by sucking his thumb. He briefly thought about how nice it would be to just tuck himself into Seonghwa's chest and be taken care of. It made his eyes feel the burning sting of impending tears, but he blinked them away as he made his way to Seonghwa and Hongjoong's room. He couldn't let himself regress now, not with his hyungs having to deal with the mess of his babysitting skills. They didn't need another little to have to tend to.

He dropped to the bed as soon as he reached it and flopped on his back. His eyes still felt that lingering sting so he draped his arms across his face, hiding away from the world. His hyungs' room always smelled good, so Jongho tried to take calming breaths of the familiar scent to get rid of the heaviness that settled on his chest. It helped a bit, but it also made him long for his hyungs to be with him right then. He wanted to be the one in their arms, being softly assured everything was okay, that they were here for him, and that he could be as little as he needed to be because they would keep him safe. He couldn't help the hitch of breath that escaped him, but he determinedly bit back the whine that was creeping up his throat. He was the strong maknae who didn't need to be little very often, and the maknae Hongjoong and Seonghwa could rely on to take care of the other members, who definitely did need to be little more often, when they themselves needed a breather. He had really been a disappointment today.

As the thought of letting Hongjoong and Seonghwa down crossed his mind, the tears he'd been trying so hard to hold back gathered at his lashes and slowly trickled out. Jongho knew the schedules they had that day had been full with barely any time for themselves, and here he was making them deal with the fallout of a dumb fight between the littles because Jongho couldn't handle it. A noise escaped him, not quite a sob and not quite a whine, but it made him cringe in shame. He squeezed his hands into fists, nails digging into his flesh. The pressure and minute pain grounded him and just as he felt like he was starting to gain control over his emotions, there was a hand placed on his knee. Startled, he yelped, whipping his head up to come face to face with Hongjoong.

His composure lasted about two seconds, and Jongho lost it. He crumpled, the slight scare sending him straight into his headspace, and he reached out, arms stretched far and fists clenching open and closed. He began sobbing in earnest when Hongjoong didn't hesitate to gather him into his arms and shush him. Though he was outwardly more upset, the weight on his chest eased just a bit now that he was with his hyung.

His hyung let him cry it out, gently cooing and reassuring him that he was there. Eventually, Jongho was able to pull back and his head felt a bit clearer. He didn't feel quite as small as now, but he was still teetering on another breakdown. Shakily, he pulled away and Hongjoong let him. He sniffled, ducking his head in embarrassment for his behavior. It was rare for him to completely lose it like that. Fortunately, his hyungs always seemed to know how to keep him from going into a cycle of incoherent sobbing and self deprecation for letting his emotions out.

"Feeling better?" Hongjoong asked. Though Jongho wasn't in his embrace, he kept a small hand firmly on Jongho's shoulder.

Jongho shrugged. He felt better in some ways, but his head still hurt and he still felt guilty for letting things get out of control under his watch. "I'm sorry, hyung."

Hongjoong tutted, reaching out to brush Jongho's hair out of his eyes. He kept his hand on his head as he spoke. "Baby, why are you sorry?"

Jongho looked away, fiddling with his fingers. "I-I didn't--I couldn't--," he trailed off. He took a few breaths, knowing that Hongjoong would be patient and give him all the time he needed to explain himself. Tears started pooling in his eyes as he thought about all the ways he had messed up today. He gave up trying then and just fell back into Hongjoong's arms.

"Oh, my poor baby. Hyung's got you," Hongjoong cajoled. "Can hyung take a guess about what's upset you?"

Jongho whined quietly but nodded. He was hidden away from the world when he was in Hongjoong's arms, and he was more than content to let Hongjoong take the lead.

"I think that you feel like you let Seonghwa and me down since the boys were fighting, and you just wanted to be a good boy and handle things on your own. Does that sound right?" Hongjoong said as he began to rock Jongho.

Jongho nodded again, but whimpered and shook his head right after. "I-I messed up during lunch too," he stuttered.

Hongjoong hummed knowingly. "Let me guess, Yeosang got food on his clothes."

"Uh huh. And-and I didn't take him to change immediately. I was hungry too," he explained sadly and pulled back enough to peer up at Hongjoong with big eyes.

Hongjoong sighed and Jongho felt his heart clench. "Jjongie, hyung always finishes his meal before cleaning any of you up. You know that."

"But--but Seonghwa-hyung--," Jongho tried to argue, but Hongjoong cut him off.

"Seonghwa is a neat freak, but he won't get mad if a few stains set in," he said. "If anything, he'll appreciate the challenge."

"What challenge?"

Jongho and Hongjoong both jerked their heads up at the sound of Seonghwa's voice. The other man was leaning casually against the door frame, but then he caught sight of Jongho's teary face and his eyebrows furrowed in sympathy. He entered the room fully and took a seat next to them, bringing his hand up to pat Jongho's back.

"What has my baby upset, hm?" he asked, jutting his bottom lip out in a tiny pout. He had a habit of doing that when any of them were crying.

Jongho was grateful when Hongjoong answered for him. "He thinks he wasn't a good babysitter." Jongho whined and tucked his face back into Hongjoong's neck, blushing when he heard Seonghwa coo at him. Though that's what he really thought, it made him feel a bit silly to have Hongjoong lay it out so plainly.

"Jjongie, sweetie," Seonghwa began, "You're the best babysitter we could ask for. Why would you think you're not?"

"Because!" he exclaimed and turned towards Seonghwa. "Because you and Hongjoongie-hyung had to fix everything today, and I'm supposed to do better so you can have a break and--and not worry and I couldn't! And then I felt so small, but I had to be big and I froze and--!"

"Shh, that's enough, baby," Seonghwa soothed, cupping his face to thumb away the tears that just couldn't stay away. "You do such a good job for us."

"No," he argued weakly. Seonghwa's gentle voice had a way of zapping all of the anxiety and nerves from Jongho and turning him into a pile of goo, so he didn't really have it in him to argue much. Seonghwa didn't give him the chance anyway.

"Yes, you always do a good job, taking care of your brothers and keeping them happy when we're not around," Seonghwa said. "If anything, we haven't been doing a very good job making sure you're okay, sweetheart."

Jongho gasped, eyes wide. "No! Hyungs always take care of me."

"Shh, shh, even hyungs can mess up," Hongjoong spoke up then. "We should have made sure to check in with you today to make sure you were all right."

"You-you were busy," Jongho quietly said. "And I was fine with Yeosang and Wooyoung, but then the others were little and I didn't know I'd be little too...," he trailed off and shifted in his hyung's hold. The embarrassment of needing to be small was returning, and he couldn't help but try to pull himself out of it. Seonghwa must have sensed it, like always, and Jongho soon found himself with an armful of soft teddy bear. It was one of the spares that Hongjoong and Seonghwa kept in their room in case any of them needed a comfort item. That bear had been witness to many meltdowns and tantrums, and Jongho was mildly taken aback that it was being offered to him. He was tempted to push it away, but he gave the plush a squeeze and reconsidered. He glanced up at Seonghwa, who had nothing but fondness in his expression, and Jongho couldn't help but smile a little and cradle the bear in his arms.

Once Jongho was a little more settled, Hongjoong started speaking. "We're sorry we weren't here for you today, Jongho. Ah ah, let me finish," he said when Jongho tried to interrupt. "But you did a wonderful job caring for your brothers, so please don't feel like you disappointed us. We are so proud of you."

Seonghwa immediately agreed when he saw doubt flash across Jongho's face. "We really are, baby. You're our good boy and our precious maknae, and we love you so much." He punctuated this fact by carding his fingers through Jongho's hair and giving him a quick peck on the forehead. Even when he was feeling small, Jongho still wasn't the biggest fan of kisses or skinship, but Seonghwa got special privileges.

After a moment, Jongho simply nodded. A pain shot through his temples and he squinted. "My head hurts, Seongwha-hyung."

Seonghwa winced in sympathy. "Hyung will go get you something for it," he said. "Hongjoong, why don't you start getting Jjongie ready for a nap?"

"A nap?" Jongho couldn't help but complain. Even though he knew he could definitely use the rest and really wanted to take one earlier, Jongho felt compelled to resist on principle alone. He wasn't that little, after all.

"Yes, a nap," Hongjoong said, grinning at the token protest. "You can stay here or go to your room."

The thought of leaving the little bubble of safety and comfort of his hyungs' room did not sit well with Jongho. He was just calming down and if he was on his own, he was sure he'd break down all over again. Instead of giving him a verbal answer, Jongho just clutched Hongjoong's sleeve. Hongjoong seemed to understand his intention, and he was soon being guided to lay on the bed. The shift from sitting upright to laying down made his head throb, and he let out a tiny whimper as his head hit the pillow.

Fortunately, Seonghwa had returned then, water bottle, medicine, and a damp washcloth at the ready. Jongho let his hyungs prop him up so he could swallow the pills and take gulps of water from a glass held by Hongjoong. When Hongjoong set the glass aside, Seonghwa swooped in to pat Jongho's face with the wet washcloth, gently dabbing away the tear tracks and stroking his cheek lovingly.

"That should make you feel better soon, baby. Try to get some rest now, okay?" Seonghwa urged as he pulled a blanket snugly over the younger boy and tucked the bear next to him. Hongjoong got up to turn out the light and clicked on the desk lamp so it wouldn't be as bright. Jongho found that sleep was overtaking him much more easily than he had expected and reached to pull the bear into his arms. However, a sudden thought had him jerking upright, groaning at the pain the action shot through his head.

"What about the others? Are they okay? Did San stop crying? Was Mingi--" he asked, a hint of desperation coloring his tone, but he stopped himself from going further as both Seonghwa and Hongjoong chuckled. Jongho felt a bit embarrassed at his barrage of questions, but he had to know.

"They're all having nap time too, baby," Seonghwa said as he lightly pushed Jongho into laying down again. "They're okay. Don't worry."

"Just get some rest, Jjongie. We love you," Hongjoong said, voice just above a whisper.

"I love you too, hyungies." And with that said, Jongho let himself fully relax. His last thoughts before falling asleep were that he was so lucky to have Seonghwa and Hongjoong care for him so deeply and that he loved them so much.

---

Jongho blinked, vision blurry and not entirely awake just yet. He rolled over, crushing the teddy bear under his frame, and gazed at Hongjoong sitting at the desk. He was focused on his laptop, but wasn't wearing headphones.

"Hyung," he said, voice a little croaky. He smiled when Hongjoong spun around in the desk chair so quickly he almost made a full rotation.

Hongjoong returned his smile, asking, "Did you sleep well?"

Jongho nodded, pushing himself to sit up. He still felt the inklings of his headspace, but decided to push it away for now. He was definitely feeling much better than he had before his nap.

"You don't have to be big, you know," Hongjoong told him. He could probably see where Jongho's train of thought was going just by his body language.

"I'm okay, hyung," he said. "If--If I need to be uh, small later, I promise I'll tell you or Seonghwa-hyung." His cheeks burned at the admittance that he just maybe needed a bit more one on one time with his hyungs while he felt small.

Hongjoong nodded, respecting his wishes and not wanting to push him too far. "I think Seonghwa ordered takeout. It will probably be here soon, so why don't you go freshen up a bit and join us in the kitchen?" As he said this, he got up and took a few steps towards the door.

"Wait!" Jongho called out suddenly, flushing again at Hongjoong's look of surprise. "Will you please wait for me, hyung?"

"Of course," Hongjoong didn't hesitate to answer and he smiled widely at his maknae. He made himself comfortable leaning against the door and gestured for Jongho to get started.

After getting over his initial embarrassment, it didn't take Jongho long to freshen up and return to his hyungs' room. Hongjoong was still waiting for him, but he'd pulled out his phone. He shoved it back in his pocket when he saw Jongho and beckoned him to follow. Jongho did so, resisting the urge to reach out and hold Hongjoong's hand. He would let himself feel small later, he told himself, after everyone else had been put to bed. While they all knew Jongho regressed just like the rest of them, he was a bit more protective of his little side compared to his hyungs. He preferred to be small with only Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Very rarely would he slip with another member. As it was, the only other person who had even seen him little was San.

On their way to the kitchen, they passed through the living room. Everyone was gathered there in a circle on the floor with a container of crayons, markers, and other drawing supplies in the center, and Seonghwa was perched behind Mingi helping him carefully cut some colored paper into a heart.

"Jjongie!" Wooyoung yelled, startling everyone. He didn't rush toward him like Jongho expected. Instead, he just waved and then the rest of them started waving too.

"Jjongie sit with us?" San asked around his pacifier. He'd been cleaned up and was wearing a pajama set.

Jongho exchanged glances with Hongjoong, and Jongho hoped he would take the lead. Luckily he did, and Jongho slipped away into the kitchen as Hongjoong told all of them that he would join them later.

"You can eat in your room when the food gets here if you need to," Hongjoong said after he arrived in the kitchen.

Jongho shook his head. "I'll be okay, hyung. I promise."

"All right, but you can always change your mind, or if you need me or Seonghwa to sit with you, we could do that too," Hongjoong prattled.

"Really, I'm okay. You don't have to worry so much," Jongho replied.

"Of course I have to worry about my baby," Hongjoong told him in a 'no duh' type of tone. "Help me get the plates and stuff?"

Jongho was relieved for the attention to be off of him for the moment as he moved through the almost mindless task of setting the table. Hongjoong was good about not pushing him too far, but he would step in if he thought Jongho was in distress. He knew that he would be under his hyungs' watchful gazes for the next few days, looking for any sign that he might reach his breaking point again. They'd coddle him a bit more too. Jongho can almost hear Seonghwa's soothing timber checking on him every night. He knew he'd be sick of it by the second night, but Jongho also knew it would soothe something in him deep down, and it would make his hyungs feel better to know he wasn't struggling.

After the table had been set, Jongho sat in his regular seat and waited. Hongjoong gave him a few pats on the back before taking a seat in his own spot. Jongho sort of zoned out then, content to just wait in silence until their food arrived. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but eventually Seonghwa was ushering everyone into the kitchen. While the oldest held the majority of their takeout, Yunho helped him by carefully holding a single bag in both of his hands. Jongho smiled a bit at the sight, endeared by Yunho's effort.

He wasn't surprised when Yeosang slid into the seat beside him. He knew him well enough to know that he probably was feeling bad that he'd caused trouble during the game and wanted to apologize in his own Yeosang kind of way. What did surprise him was the other boy holding out something for him.

"Is this for me?" he asked, thumbing over the slightly crumpled paper.

Yeosang nodded, shyly bringing his fingers to his mouth.

"Sangie, we were gonna wait!" Mingi whined after he noticed the exchange. "I wanted to give mine to Jjongie first." He sounded so disappointed that Jongho almost laughed.

Seonghwa intervened before any argument could break out. "We can just give them to Jongho now, Mingi," he said as he started pulling out containers. "Don't run!" The scolding fell upon deaf ears as the remainder of the boys hurried back to the living room.

Yunho made it back to the kitchen first, cheeks slightly flushed. Jongho didn't know if it was from the brief run to the other room or his shyness, but he didn't hesitate to take the offered, messily folded paper. The others followed suit, each timidly handing Jongho a piece of paper in various states of closure.

"Open mine first, open mine first!" Wooyoung chanted as he bounced on his heels. Seonghwa placed his hands on his shoulders to guide him back into his chair. Wooyoung pouted, but settled into the seat.

"Let's let Jongho choose which to open first," Hongjoong suggested.

The maknae wasn't really sure where to start, so he picked up a random one from the spread he had placed on the table. This one was covered in stickers, ranging from 3D stickers to shiny holographic ones. Jongho's name was in the center of an apple sticker, which was scented. He smiled as he recognized that that one was from a sticker pack he had bought for the littles a few months back when they went through a fruit obsession. He'd never fully understood it, but he couldn't deny how cute San and Mingi had been wearing a peach and strawberry hat. They'd tried to get him in on it, and while he'd humored them for a bit and wore an apple hat, he felt it just wasn't a good look for him.

"Yes! That one's mine!" Mingi cheered, pumping his fist in the air.

A chorus of discontent followed, and Jongho giggled. Before they could fuss too much, Jongho peeled apart the paper, taking great care to keep the stickers fully intact. He unfolded it and couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Mingi had written him an apology for his behavior earlier and told him how much he loved him. He moved on to the next paper, this one covered in swirls and wobbly shapes.

He made his way through all of his little letters, taking the time to thank all of them and accept each apology (and a few hugs). He made sure to give each member a compliment for their creativity and felt his heart squeeze at the absolute joy on each member's face after he did so. The little demons could be so sweet when they wanted to be. He couldn't deny that seeing their efforts made him feel better, and he was able to get through dinner with a lighter heart.

Soon it was time for the littles to go to bed. It was Hongjoong's turn to clean up, so Seonghwa marched everyone straight from the kitchen to their respective rooms. Jongho tried to help his hyung, but Hongjoong insisted that he go wash up and that Hongjoong would join him shortly. He took that as the order it was and dutifully went through his nightly routine. After a brief moment of hesitation, he headed toward Seonghwa and Hongjoong's room instead of going to his own. He was a little ashamed of his decision, but the desire to be comforted by his hyungs won. He took a seat on Seonghwa's bed and tapped his fingers on his knees in a sporadic rhythm. This continued until he caught sight of the bear from earlier. He reached out and brushed its plush fur, stroking it a few times before he snatched it up and clutched it to his chest.

Hongjoong ambled into the room after a bit, catching Jongho in the act. He smiled at him, and the maknae turned red. He almost threw the bear aside, but something kept him clinging to it.

"Is our Jjongie coming back?" Hongjoong asked.

Jongho groaned, but he was helpless to stop the fuzzy feeling that was overtaking him. He hid behind the bear, unwilling to admit it just yet. He heard Hongjoong chuckle and tell him he'd be back, and then he was on his own again. Left to his thoughts, the anxiety of letting himself be little started to grow. He really should have been able to pull it together to help his hyungs after his nap. Instead, he had just eaten his meal, letting Seonghwa and Hongjoong handle the messy faces and dropped silverware and spilled food. He suddenly remembered all the snacks he, Wooyoung, and Yeosang had brought back. No one had been able to enjoy them tonight after all of the commotion, and that thought made guilt eat away at Jongho's already fragile heart. If he had been able to take control of the situation earlier, they all could have been having a movie night together instead of getting an early bedtime.

He stood abruptly, squeezing his eyes tightly shut to stave off the sting of tears. He needed to leave his hyungs' room or he was going to lose it again. If he could just get a few moments to compose himself, he'd be okay. He wouldn't need to slip, and everything could go back to normal. He knew he'd be letting down his hyungs yet again by hiding the need to regress, but that just fueled the urge to leave the room. Tossing the bear away, uncaring of where it landed, Jongho took a few heavy steps forward. Just as he reached the door, he bumped into someone, and gentle, familiar hands were on his arms, steadying him and making him face his emotions.

Before Seonghwa could even speak, Jongho burst into tears for the second time that night. His shoulders shook as he tried his hardest but failed to suppress the sobs bubbling up in his chest, like a pot that was boiling over and making a mess all over the stove. His legs felt like jelly, and he tried to sink to the floor, but Seonghwa kept him sturdy and guided him back to the bed. He was gently pushed to take a seat, and he fell to the bed easily. He dug his fingers into the comforter while his other hand fruitlessly tried to wipe away the tears flowing down his flushed cheeks.

"What are all these tears for, baby? Hm? Can you tell hyung what's wrong?" Seonghwa patiently asked. He crouched in front of the upset boy, resting a hand on his knee.

"Mmh!" Jongho's face felt like fire at the pitiful sound that escaped him. He tried to turn away from Seonghwa's caring gaze, desperate to hide his upset. He hated crying, and he especially hated crying in front of anyone.

"Oh, you poor thing," Seonghwa soothed. "It was a lot today, huh?"

"Jeez, Hwa, I leave for five minutes and look what happens," Hongjoong teased, but he quickly moved to sit beside Jongho and wrap an arm around his shoulders, shushing him softly under his breath, almost like he was expecting to walk into this situation.

They let him cry it out again until he was just sniffling. At some point the bear ended up back in his arms, and he was wedged between both of his hyungs. A few minutes passed after he had calmed down, and Jongho still had that fuzzy feeling threatening to envelope him and whisk him away. He was almost ready to let it, but first he needed to explain to his hyungs why he had broken down this time.

"We--Yeosang and Wooyoung and I--we bought snacks for everyone," he paused here, taking the moment to fiddle with the bear in his hands. "We--we were going to have a movie night or something. We bought snacks for everyone, but no one got to have any," he finished dully, tears welling in his eyes again.

"Is that what this is about? Baby, you know those snacks aren't going anywhere," Hongjoong said.

"That's right. Hyung will hide them until tomorrow, and then we can all have a little slumber party in the living room. Doesn't that sound fun?" Seonghwa asked with a smile.

Of course everything could be saved for another day. Logically, Jongho knew that, but he still felt bad. The instability of his emotions from the fluctuation of headspaces was affecting his ability to think clearly, and he just really needed that extra reassurance. "No one--No one was upset?"

Hongjoong scoffed. "Not about that." Seonghwa threw a glare in Hongjoong's direction when his response made Jongho tense in their holds.

"No one was upset, sweetheart," Seonghwa said, tenderly cupping Jongho's cheeks and thumbing away the teary residue. "I promise."

The two locked eyes for a moment, and Jongho couldn't help but stare at his pretty hyung. Seonghwa let him stare, smiling at him gently as he continued to wipe away any lingering tears. Hongjoong shoved a box of tissues their way, and while he was mortified at the action, Jongho let Seonghwa hold a tissue to his nose to clear his sinuses.

"Are we feeling better now?" Seonghwa asked as he tossed the spent tissues in the tiny wastebasket by the desk.

Jongho nodded. He looked away, feeling a bit too good at the attention he was receiving, and shyly opened his arms for a hug. He heard Seonghwa coo and then he was crushed against his hyung's chest. Jongho enjoyed the hug for a bit, but a whine escaped him and he reached out to Hongjoong. He needed both of his hyungs to hold him. They stayed like that until Hongjoong pulled away and insisted it was bedtime.

He let Seonghwa guide him into standing as Hongjoong pulled the blankets back. It seemed like he was sleeping with Seonghwa tonight, but Jongho was okay with that. He wasn't sure he could handle being away from them in his current state, still wavering between big and little.

He sighed when his head hit the pillow, eyes closing for just a moment before he cracked them back open to keep an eye on where his hyungs were. Hongjoong was going through a drawer, and Seonghwa was tidying a few things before he climbed into the bed with Jongho. He made sure Jongho was settled, fluffing his pillow a few times, before he laid down next to him. Jongho couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as his hyung doted on him.

But that smile fell when he saw Hongjoong approach with a particular item in hand.

"Hyuuuung, I don't want it," he whined.

"I think it will make you feel better," he said simply. The yellow honey bee themed pacifier dangled from his dainty hand, and he wiggled it in front of Jongho, as if that was supposed to entice him into taking it.

Jongho whined again, shifting and kicking his legs a bit to show his displeasure. It was very rare for him to use a pacifier, but it was hard for him to resist his hyungs too much when they insisted he use one. If they thought he needed a pacifier, then his behavior must have been fitting for it since it was also rare for them to even offer him one.

"How about you use the fish one?" Seonghwa suggested. "You like that one better, don't you?"

Jongho nodded before he could give it much more thought, and soon enough, Hongjoong had switched out the yellow pacifier for a sea green pacifier with a clownfish on it. He honestly didn't have a preference, but he figured it was easier to just go along with it. The exhaustion of the day was washing over him again and his eyes felt heavy. He let them slip close with little fight, and his lips were nudged with a rubber nub. They slowly parted, just enough so the pacifier could slip in, and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He heard Hongjoong cooing at him, but couldn't distinguish the words in the hazy fog that was overtaking him. He rolled over to his side and nestled his head on Seonghwa's chest. Arms encircled him and patted his back steadily, further lulling him into slumber. He mumbled something, but he couldn't tell what exactly he was trying to say. He thought he heard Seonghwa and Hongjoong chuckling, but he was already too far gone, warm and cozy snuggled next to Seonghwa.

"Sleep well, Jjongie," a voice told him. "We both love you so much."